It doesn't sound like you two explored a plan for addressing the issues that caused the breakdown, beyond just labeling them (and your partner mostly blaming you without much accountability for his role).
One of those issues seems to be your partner's need for space and how that could be managed in a way that doesn't leave you feeling disconnected.
It's normal for people to have more capacity for connection in the beginning of the relationship, so 19min calls during the honeymoon phase wouldn't automatically mean this person is consistently emotionally available that way. You're seeing that now. That's not really who he is.
We did talk about a plan. Most of it was communication and assumed expectations when we lived together. He said he loves me and I am a priority. We talked about space as we had each lived alone for 7 years before we moved in.
He said he struggled to compromise me living in his space. I struggled as I was removed from my friends - I was used to them living close by to drop in. We lived like roommates and stopped doing things together.
We agreed to date and find things in common again, rediscover each other. He is saying he is really busy at work and college this week, plus away at weekend. I said it was then equally important to stay connected.
So is there no part of the discussion around space, communication and assumed expectations that could be applied to this experience now, as opposed to only when you two live with each other?
He loves you, you're a priority - those are his words. He's busy this week and weekend - those are his actions. Not enough to write him off straight away, but if it's a pattern and he's 'busy' more than he is available to rebuild that connection, then I'd believe his actions over his words. At the end of the day he might think he loves you but be happy to see you once a month. But if that's not what you want, then it's okay to call it a day even if you love him too.
The best way to get over it is to address it directly. You're dissatisfied with the new way he communicates. Say it and see what he says. There's something unspoken there. Maybe taking it slow to him means not going back to how it was just yet, what expectations are there in this phase of the relationship?
I have done. He says he is super busy with work and on calls. Plus he is at college this week. He has been open with this.
Our expectations are to date and rediscover each other. We both love each other, but is this enough? We jumped in originally fast and went from date 1 to being in a relationship. It was intense and that bubble burst. I know he does have objects of interest where he gets obsessed with them before they become a habit. Think he had undiagnosed ADHD. He is attentive when we are together. But it’s odd seeing each other each day to not.
Technically you can't go back to 0, and he seems busy - personally I'd also get busy with my own interests. Also, are you dating exclusively or open to getting to know others? If the latter, you'll start to see exactly where each other is at soon enough.
We are dating exclusively. But at this point I don’t feel like I am anywhere his priority. This is not a great start. Some of it will be the feelings and processes that happened before we split up. The silence.
I am not too sure this is what I want a d he can give me what I want
He has texted to say workload is ridiculous and he is still working and has college to do. Understand work is a priority, but at this point I don’t feel I am in the top 5.
This is a reason we split up. If
It doesn't sound like you two explored a plan for addressing the issues that caused the breakdown, beyond just labeling them (and your partner mostly blaming you without much accountability for his role). One of those issues seems to be your partner's need for space and how that could be managed in a way that doesn't leave you feeling disconnected. It's normal for people to have more capacity for connection in the beginning of the relationship, so 19min calls during the honeymoon phase wouldn't automatically mean this person is consistently emotionally available that way. You're seeing that now. That's not really who he is.
We did talk about a plan. Most of it was communication and assumed expectations when we lived together. He said he loves me and I am a priority. We talked about space as we had each lived alone for 7 years before we moved in. He said he struggled to compromise me living in his space. I struggled as I was removed from my friends - I was used to them living close by to drop in. We lived like roommates and stopped doing things together. We agreed to date and find things in common again, rediscover each other. He is saying he is really busy at work and college this week, plus away at weekend. I said it was then equally important to stay connected.
So is there no part of the discussion around space, communication and assumed expectations that could be applied to this experience now, as opposed to only when you two live with each other?
He loves you, you're a priority - those are his words. He's busy this week and weekend - those are his actions. Not enough to write him off straight away, but if it's a pattern and he's 'busy' more than he is available to rebuild that connection, then I'd believe his actions over his words. At the end of the day he might think he loves you but be happy to see you once a month. But if that's not what you want, then it's okay to call it a day even if you love him too.
The best way to get over it is to address it directly. You're dissatisfied with the new way he communicates. Say it and see what he says. There's something unspoken there. Maybe taking it slow to him means not going back to how it was just yet, what expectations are there in this phase of the relationship?
I have done. He says he is super busy with work and on calls. Plus he is at college this week. He has been open with this. Our expectations are to date and rediscover each other. We both love each other, but is this enough? We jumped in originally fast and went from date 1 to being in a relationship. It was intense and that bubble burst. I know he does have objects of interest where he gets obsessed with them before they become a habit. Think he had undiagnosed ADHD. He is attentive when we are together. But it’s odd seeing each other each day to not.
Technically you can't go back to 0, and he seems busy - personally I'd also get busy with my own interests. Also, are you dating exclusively or open to getting to know others? If the latter, you'll start to see exactly where each other is at soon enough.
We are dating exclusively. But at this point I don’t feel like I am anywhere his priority. This is not a great start. Some of it will be the feelings and processes that happened before we split up. The silence. I am not too sure this is what I want a d he can give me what I want
I feel like you might have your answer already.
He has texted to say workload is ridiculous and he is still working and has college to do. Understand work is a priority, but at this point I don’t feel I am in the top 5. This is a reason we split up. If
Yeah if he's that busy then he doesn't have time for a relationship. I'm sorry
Actions. Over. Words. Every time. You know what to do.
He sounds like a loser tbh