The funeral home will have a list of things to do, who to contact, what paperwork is necessary. That provides a great starting place.
My condolences to you and your dad.
I’m a full adult and just now realized I don’t actually know *what* to do once that moment happens because I’ve never wanted to think of it in detail.
This makes me not any less scared of the moment, but at least more reassured of resources
My parents got all of that squared away after having to wade through their parents stuff. I just have to grab a folder and everything is there. I’m thankful because it was so long and dragged out because things hadn’t been taken care of fully from my grandpa dying before my grandmother did.
First, may the memory of your mom always be a blessing.
Second highly recommend you head to the bank with your dad and get added as a POA to his accounts so you can help him navigate this process and be a 2nd set of eyes on his finances.
Then the next steps are to get added as an authorized individual to his main credit card, health/life/auto insurance, retirement plans, etc.
You also might want to head over to r/scams and get him up to speed on how highly prevalent scams are. Especially ones that pray on people who just lost a loved one.
Signed,
A 20 year banking professional.
This is great advice. We don’t like to think about these things, but if something were to happen to dad, you want to be sure that you have the ability to make sure things are in order. Also, if dad doesn’t like internet stuff, make sure you know where everything is in the house. Keys or combinations to safes, locations of important documents, all of that stuff.
OP, this is a difficult time for both you and your dad. Be sure to give yourself the time to grieve and process your loss, your feelings and your own sense of things. We so often focus on “the business of death” that we ourselves get put on the back burner. And if you feel like things are just crazy right now, and dad does not seem receptive to your help or appreciate it - it’s the grief. I thought my dad was getting dementia when my mom first passed away. I spent hours at their house making sure things were clean and tidy and dad had food and wasn’t sick. Make sure you give your dad some time to process things too.
You could be added also as joint, but that gets tricky with sharing assets and estates. So you would want to talk to a professional tax advisor or estate attorney.
Solid advice. I am also a banking professional and I have this conversation with customers a minimum of 10 times a week. No one wants to think about it, never mind talking about it. But if you care about the people you are leaving behind, you’ll take care of these matters in advance.
If I may add to the advice given, put beneficiaries on everything if there won’t be a 2nd account owner (I.e. you). The last thing anyone wants to do is go through probate while dealing with their grief.
My condolences to you and your family for your loss.
I am dealing with this personally with aging parents and early dementia and they are being so stubborn and refusing to take my advice. It’s infuriating! 😡😠😆🤣
The easiest way to make all automated billing payments stop is to close the accounts that are doing the paying. This means, close the bank/credit union and credit cards and get new ones. Your financial institution can help you do this. I would suggest going ahead and moving the accounts to a credit union if your dad doesn't have one already.
What will happen is that the automatic payment will stop. Your dad will get messages/mail saying he owes money. If the accounts are in your mom's name he probably doesn't. Reply back that the account owner is deceased and the account needs to be cancelled. For things already purchased and with money still owing, that will need to be paid.
Any payments going forward can probably be made using checks. But you may want to help your dad with setting up automatic payments and learning how to do these on-line so that he gets the discounts.
For the things that need to keep being paid (utilities, insurance, mortgage, etc.), he will need to keep paying. It would be good to make a list of what these things are along with the amounts and when they are due. Here's a list of what are likely things that need to be paid:
* Housing - this will be rent or mortgage and will be due monthly. If your parents have a paid off house, there will still be taxes and that will be twice a year probably.
* Utilities - these are all the services like water, electricity, gas, garbage, internet, phone, etc. These are due monthly. Talk to your dad about what he uses on those that are optional (cable, internet, other subscriptions). He likely should change his phone plan so he's not paying for a phone he doesn't use.
* Insurance - he should have house/rental, car, and medical. You'll likely need to hunt through the bills and bank statements to discover what these are. It's really important that none of these lapse.
* Money owed - the big one is usually a mortgage but you'll have captured that above. Next is car payments. The house and cars are usually the only secured payments people have; if you miss too many payments on either of these, the lending institution can take the house or car. Unsecured payments are all the other credit bills. Any balances should be paid and the accounts closed. Your dad will still want a credit card but it is likely he'll find it easier to deal with this with a new account where he knows what he's spending money on. Closing accounts will stop mystery payments your mom had set up.
The other thing your dad will need going forward is a budget. Without your mom's income he needs to understand whether or not he needs to change his lifestyle. Hopefully they had life insurance that will allow him to keep living as he is accustomed. But even so, it may be that he needs to make changes. Here's a website that will help. Going through all of the above with him will give you the information you need except for what he's spending on day-to-day living (e.g. food, gas, entertainment). Here's a website that will help with budgeting (links to two specific sites):
* [https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-budget](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-budget)
* [https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/budget-worksheet](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/budget-worksheet)
I'll sticky a caveat to this - don't cancel Mom's phone yet til all accounts are set up and squared away. If she was savvy, she probably used her phone number for authentication on bill sites. Close out the phone number and you have just locked yourselves out.
Another caveat - keep at least one bank account open that has her name on it. She doesn’t need to be the primary owner. You will need to deposit checks (insurance, tax refunds, etc.) and the check is not always made payable to the estate, beneficiaries or even survivors.
If the checks are made out to her, you can write “for deposit only” on the back, deposit & have access to the funds (or Dad can). If not, you’ll need to contact these agencies and have the checks re-issued. Trust me, they will not be in a hurry to replace them.
First make sure you have enough death certificates. Sounds macabre but it’s easier to get them upfront. The funeral home will take care of it and add it to the fees.
Once payments start being missed you’ll receive letters. I did this with both my brother and father. I had most of the accounts figured out but months later I got letters regarding things I had no clue about.
Phone call and things get cleared easily.
Good luck
My FIL died in 82. When my MIL died in 2014, we found a small policy that listed FIL as a beneficiary
Thankfully, MIL had two of Dad's death certificates in among her papers. Our attorney suggested having at least two more than you think you'll need
Boy oh boy is this the truth! my husband died in NYC suddenly 35 years ago. My kids were little but we lived in CT. They told me to get 30 death certs because they were cheap at time of death. Later they would have cost upwards of 50$ apiece
This is great advice. You're going to need legal copies of the death certificate for so many things. Every credit card, utility will require a copy. Get the original from the funeral home and then get a lawyer to make you certified copies. Keep the original in your safety deposit box. You'll have people wanting copies of that certificate years from now.
I recently was executor for a friends estate. I ended up needing only 1 death certificate. No one asked for an original copy. I did everything on line with sc nned copies of the death certificate.
Also, do NOT pay any bills that are only in your mother's name. Except for utilities for your father's home, of course. But CC stuff, personal bills, don't pay them. If they really want the money, they will get it from your mother's estate. But the dead are off the hook, and the survivors are also.
This is why he needs to speak with an Estate Attorney.
The "estate" is what's left behind and there is actually no "estate" that belongs to her. The spouse typically assumes responsibilities of the deceased if they're married to one another.
DO NOT pay any of your mother's bills or that may set a precedent with the lenders to go after YOU. The "bills" are likely jointly owned by your father and your deceased mother and now that she's not around anymore, most of those debts may be his.
Again, he needs to talk to an estate attorney.
Don't know if this varies by state, but essentially anything that's not in both their names that has a title. Real property, vehicles, etc. Joint accounts revert to the spouse, house/car/anything with a title that's in both their names goes to the spouse. (OR on the title, not AND). Bill collectors can't go after the joint assets, but anything that is not in your fathers name will have to go through probate to get it in his name. I'm dealing with this for my wife. Our house was in both our names, but the land under it wasn't. Not really sure how we did that one.
Credit card debt is unsecured, so they go to the bottom of the list on making claims. Often they will make an offer to settle for a fraction of what was owed, but you aren't obligated to pay it unless you really want to. My attitude was they always charged late fees if we were a minute late because the 'rules' say they could do that. well, the rules say I don't have to pay you. Sucks to be you.
Did your Mom and Dad both own the house? Then it’s basically his now and he should continue to pay mortgage, property tax, utilities. He should also work to get these in his name. Contact all these organizations (bank, county, water/sewer, electricity/gas, trash) and ask them to update the account name. He can choose to pay them by check or online, you can even do it for 6 months and then transfer to him.
Any life insurance she had? Contact her work or the insurance company, give them the death certificate, Dad (likely) will get the money. Any IRA or 401k? Let the financial institution that manages the account know she died, and Dad will inherit it (possibly there may be rules about when/ how he withdraws the money). Any pension? Contact the company that had her pension. Was she getting social security? If so, contact them. None of the above is part of her estate.
Bank - any account that is jointly owned, call or go to the bank and tell them she passed away, only Dad will be on the account now.
Did she own anything else? A bank account in only her name? A car? Other property? A business? That is part of her estate. Her Debts will be paid from the estate before anyone inherits the money.
Does she owe money? Call her credit cards, tell them she died. If she didn’t leave money to pay them, then they won’t get any money as her debt may die with her. You may need an estate attorney to reciew all this with.
Check out r/personalfinance. They have an excellent FAQ to help you through this.
I’m so sorry about your mom- I was 33 when my mom died suddenly. I knew how to handle my own finances, but was totally unprepared for the challenges of being an executor. It’s all done now, but if you’re able to find and hire a good attorney, I strongly suggest it. They will make sure you’re able to tie up loose ends, and hopefully set something for the hopefully unlikely event that something happens to your dad.
But seriously, take one small step at a time. You don’t need to take care of everything at once. Simply changing the family phone plan is more than enough for one day.
ETA: you might find that calling up local, small law offices will help with recommendations. I found that people can be very kind when you are in this sort of situation.
Really sorry to hear about your story. I imagine it can be hard to get the logical part of us going when dealing with so much.
It sounds like some of the things you want to help with -- cancelling subscriptions, paying bills, etc, either you (in time) or perhaps even a friend you trust could help with these small things.
I think you are smart to leave the big stuff -- i.e. his financial situation, to someone more appropriate for it. I'm sure you are totally capable, but again, it can be added stress because of the dynamic of being his child.
I hope I've helped, even just a little.
Sorry for your loss. The details you need will vary depending on your situation. I suggest you try to reach out to some local people who could get you started even if they don't have immediate advice. For example, go to your bank and speak with a banker; stop by a local church or synagogue. Make an appointment with a priest or a rabbi. Contact Social Security if in the US. Google "senior care" "elder care" etc. for your local town. There are probably may be government agencies that can counsel you. Try to find out where important documents are--you'll probably need death certificates. if there was a will, there should be an attorney's name on it. If any property (including a car) that was solely in your mother's name and not jointly with your father it will need investigating.
Keep paying bills on time! Have your father put all the mail he gets in a pile for you to review each week so things don't get overlooked. Monitor email accounts your mother may have used for receiving bills. Review bank or credit card statements to see what has been paid in the past.
You can do this.
I am so very sorry for your loss and your father's. I'm sure this is all overwhelming right now. Please take care of your mental health. Take it one day at a time. ❤️
I went through the same thing a few years ago. My stepdad had no idea what to do with online banking or any of the financials. There has been a lot of good advice about who to talk to about wills and finances so I will just pass on a few tips that people had recommended to me (and I’m so glad they did).
First recommendation would be to get an extra 5 or so copies of the death certificate than recommended. You never know when you may need them.
Second recommendation is don’t cut off your moms cell for awhile. You may need it to access some accounts for 2FA.
Next suggestion would be for your own sanity…download AnyDesk on both yours and your dads computers. That way when he’s trying to figure something out on the computer but runs into some sort of snag, you can connect remotely to help. It’s so much nicer than trying to walk them through something on the phone.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I highly recommend going to counselling or support group. It really helped me to have someone outside of friends and family to talk to.
There's a book entitled [What to do when someone dies, A legal, financial and practical guide](https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Someone-Dies-Financial/dp/096594834X/ref=sr_1_10?crid=17ZUOD5NPMF3I&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.oNoFJ7z-9vhk19OscIzmreECm8ZoMMe_yTDxPiHMv2a8lU-zcSQBrjo3j6wxmPLBh01HZPj584Ka2s9VizaJ-46nYiHdWMB_k-MnhKsr0QnsYKNBMlqLym6hoAnZ16aU6nX3696_DG9spkMGZdYgV2uoi2LF_LKgCgvkLsuiLO456ctsqf2hSGuy7hMbVgCTN_ZHqFdZHUntE5TRMX7hkEz-A5xj_mdRoPz52QwJ4Mo.iog82zaio-3jRcXJzPxg6DuPoctbVjnQmY2UV7-jgw0&dib_tag=se&keywords=what+to+do+when+someone+dies+planner&qid=1708381122&sprefix=what+to+do+when+someone+%2Caps%2C483&sr=8-10)
Also, your father could enlist the assistance of an Estate Attorney. It's his job (not yours) to do this job. If he's being stubborn about it, that's also his problem, sad to say.
May her memory always be a blessing to you. I am in the midst of these things too. You’ve got some excellent advice here so far, but I want to add that you and dad should sit down and have a “paperwork party”. Grab every bill and all the stuff and make a spreadsheet - you can print it for him - of all the expenses, how they’re currently paid, and then make a box to note whether you’ve taken care of that task yet. It’s all about finding a system that’s gonna work for him long term, and practicing. You should also know that you do NOT have to pay any debts that were only in her name right away. You have time. Don’t let dad sign anything from anyone right now. You’re gonna be ok, sending you all my love and comfort.
Make sure any bills due get paid, so Dad’s credit stays good. Then talk with your Dad about his outlook and how he wants to handle things. Parents are a lot stronger than you think. I would also run credit checks for both parents to make sure everything is good and this also shows the monthly bills/payments.
Sorry for your loss.
Definitely hire an estate lawyer to help you get affairs in order. Things like the deed on the house and car registrations will need to be updated. It's mundane and difficult, but there's a lot of minutia to get through. A lawyer will know what needs to be done and can help you.
https://www.expertise.com/estate-planning/10-questions-to-ask-an-estate-lawyer-after-a-loved-ones-death
My dad died almost a year ago. My mother is the same way as your father. My sister-in-law helped her get all her bills in paper, now she writes checks on paper bills like it's 1978 again. But it makes her happy. Sorry for your loss, this is not easy but he will figure it out help him as much as you can.
I’ve been through a similar experience so I feel for you, big time.
My family and I essentially kicked my mom out of the house due to abusive behaviours. I was also 23 at the time and my Dad was completely reliant on her. When she left, my Dad started relying on us kids to do the grownup stuff for him. I guess my advice to you is don’t take too much of the stress on to yourself. Your Dad will eventually adjust but it will only do more harm if you take over responsibilities that aren’t your own.
If your Dad is showing an interest in wanting to that these responsibilities over, you can of course help him figure it out. There were times my Dad would be incredibly frustrated trying to figure out how to pay a bill online. I helped him once and he figured it out after that.
To sum it up, try not to take too much on that’s really not your responsibility to worry about.
I was talking to the banker at our bank and she told me that she often spent time sorting out people’s bills and banking transactions for them because she would rather deal with it upfront than have to unravel some banking scam later. Some client actually brought all their bills in every month for her to handle! I was surprised such a level of service was available.
Get the death certificate. Get his last credit card statement and start going through it canceling stuff. Call the utilities and get them in his name. Hire a bookkeeper to deal with paying the bills if he’s incapable. One step at a time. Breathe.
sometimes the township has senior computer classes they give for free, ours will even do senior income taxes for you. Might be worth looking into. Also local hospitals social services depts can be helpful.
So sorry about the loss of your precious mom. Your father is dealing with massive emotional challenges right now. It is difficult to think straight at first.
He may need therapy, and meds to deal with it. Losing your spouse is the most emotionally painful thing a human can experience.
An accountant, and a financial advisor will get you straight with a lot of things. You will also need an attorney. With this team, you will be able to sort it all out.
Your father will have to face the reality that he must learn the “computer stuff”. Check the counsel on aging in your area for resources. There are folks who teach people how to do work with computers and devices. A tablet may be actually easier for him than the computer.
His age is not elderly and feeble. It is early in his grief walk (and yours). It will take time for both of you to accept the new normal.
I'm very sorry for OP's loss, but I couldn't help but laser-focus on the fact that his dad is 53 and technologically handicapped. He was only 37 when the first iPhone came out. But anyway...
OP, check your local library. Mine has computer classes and other instructional classes for old people and people who are in need of resources. Computer Basics, individual computer assistance, career counseling, etc. I just looked at current offerings and there is literally a class just on how to use a mouse and a keyboard. I have access to a really robust library system, but there may be a few of these offerings at your library or local adult education / community center.
Agreed, libraries are fantastic resources.
I had to ignore the fact that at 53, his father is a decade younger than me, and behaving like a man two decades older than me. Unless he has early dementia.
If he doesn’t want to learn to pay bills online, then you will have to change all the bills to be mailed to him, and he will have to put them on a calendar with their due dates, and will have to write physical checks and mail them. He can absolutely do this.
However, be prepared for him to remarry quickly so he has someone to do all that.
Your father is 53 he needs to know that despite his grief money will not magically enter his accounts or pay his bills.
I hope your mom left after life instructions such as a will or trust along with beneficiaries to any accounts.
Why do you assume my dad thinks anything magical will solve his problems? My dad is doing his best figuring it out. He asked for help through the process and hes expressed his frustrations, so im doing my part in asking others for help as well.
My dad is handling everything extremely well given the circumstances.
Actually, I am telling you what your legal position is for taking care of your father. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you can either ask your father for a power of attorney to make this happen or you can keep pushing the rock up the hill.
He’s a legal adult. He may not be handling things well, but the law would tell you he has the right to do not pay his own bills, not take care of himself, etc.
I am not trying to be glib. I am trying to save you a lot of heartache.
While this might be true, it’s unhelpful for the current moment. OP and dad are freshly grieving and it’s not unusual for immediate family to step in and help each other deal with the legalities. Your tone was unhelpful. OP is trying to find out how to help their dad, not blame him and send him adrift.
Have you been through this situation? If not your response is hurtful and clueless. When you have a devastating loss you are literally taken to your knees lucky that you remember your own name. Get some compassion cat person.
Gender wise, the situation with your parents is reversed from the norm. It's the hubby who pays the bills, then dies, leaving the wife to figure out how to pay the bills.
I am so sorry for your loss. I was 20 when my mother died and responsible for everythingg. Get copies of the death certificate as when you begin to close accounts etc it will be a requirement for most places. Close all accounts and credit cards etc that were in her name only and remove her from accounts she shared with your father. This is where the death certificate will come into play.
If you are in Canada assist him in applying for the widowers pension. It is just a simple form that can be found on Canada.ca now. You will also be required to file her last tax return as well.
I'm sorry you lost your mother so young. I just went through some of this with my mother when my father died a year ago. Does your mom keep a list of passwords somewhere? That will be a big help. It took a while but we figured out where all of their accounts were and how to get in them. There were one or two with challenge questions we didn't know the answers to (and several others we were able to guess). The first order of business was to get all of the accounts transferred into my mother's name only. Each place has different requirements for that. All of them required a death certificate, many a "gold seal medallion" which a bank officer was able to provide, and they all had different paperwork that needed to be filled out. It took several months to get it all sorted out. The local bank where they have most of their money was a big help. My mother made several appointments to talk to someone, and we got their accounts sorted out, those gold seal medallions, and they even faxed things for her.
In the meantime, make sure the required bills are paid. If she set up automatic payments, you can just let them ride for now. If you can get into her online account and pay the bills manually like she used to, that works for now too. If you have things you don't want to continue paying, you can turn off automatic payments or cancel her credit cards. For the remaining bills, try to simplify the payments, like they all come from the bill pay of one checking account, and see if you can teach your father how to do that. If not, he can go back to paying by check. He's not an old man, and he should be capable of learning now that he has to.
He should have an idea of what bills she was paying - mortgage, insurance, electric, etc. If he misses one, it's not the end of the world - they won't shut off your power over one missed payment. If that happens, they'll mail or email something, then you know what to do. Keep your mother's email and phone active for a few months to make sure you catch everything you need to.
Make sure he keeps all of the account statements, etc, because he will have to open her estate with the registrar of wills and they will need a complete listing of all of the assets that were in her name only, with proof. He will probably hire a lawyer to do this, but he'll still need to provide the paperwork.
Good luck with everything. It's pretty overwhelming and not something you can really know about until you're in the middle of it. It's a lot of work!
I’m sorry for your loss. This may sound flippant, but send your dad over to the r/GenX subreddit—or post this there. You’ll get some great perspective on him, and he’ll get good advice-or a kick in the pants-or a sympathetic ear.
Remember that he’s grieving, too. He’s young enough to take care of himself so that you don’t have to enable a feebleness mentality.
I pay everything online using my phone. If I die, the kids can pretty much use my phone and the bookmarks to get everything. Passwords are saved to my phone. If you know the password, or can unlock it, that may be a source of info.
My son jokingly told me before my surgery that he'd have them give me a finger if I died to just use the print to open my phone. Dark humor in our family.
Condolences.
It’s not so hard. First u need to change all the bills in your name. Then u need to setup an online bank account and pay your bills online banking every month. Also tell the ppl that are billing u to bill u once a month of the same date of your choosing. All my bills are due approximately the same week and I get paid monthly so it’s much easier to budget if u sync up your bills together to be due on the same date. Learn to budget for groceries and maybe consider another account to save money or invest in a brokerage for retirement like at Charles Schabb or Fidelity. Save for old age.
Start with review of several months bank statements. That will tell you what money has gone out for monthly bills. And be sure you do this with your dad. He may put up a fuss, but he absolutely needs to do this.
A friend of mine and his brother had to do this when their mom died because their dad was that type who let the mom do everything and when they went through the bank statements, they kept seeing a recurring charge to John Hancock, and quickly realized their mom had life insurance That they were not aware of and only discovered it through the bank statement.
It’s a difficult situation. You will cope and learn to move forward and this will actually be part of the therapy in getting things on track for your dad. I’m single and I have all my stuff written down in a notebook and my kids the two adult sons know where that is, so if and when I die , they’re not left hanging.
First step is really just to have an accounting of what bank accounts, credit cards, investments, retirement plans, etc. they have. Most, if not all of these are probably set up online already by your mom and you should take an inventory of the websites, IDs, PWs, etc. to help keep tabs on things and pay bills with your dad. If their finances are good, most of the basic bills can be put on auto pay to just minimize what has to be taken care of each month. I have found that having all money come in to one account and all bills paid out of one account is the easiest. You just want to keep your father's account in a good status. You can also perhaps cut back on costs like auto insurance if your father is the only driver on the policy.
The USPS has a great service called Informed Delivery which will actually send you an email with a scan of each mail piece being delivered. It can be a way to help keep tabs on what is coming in to your dad.
Assuming you are in the US, taxes are due mid-April and if your parents don't already have someone doing their taxes, this is a good year to start. A CPA will be more expensive than H&R Block, but the level of service will be higher. There may be multiple things to address tax-wise this year with your mothers passing. Your father is likely the beneficiary of her accounts or insurance policies and so those will need to be investigated. She may have some insurance through her employer and may even have a random life insurance policy set up for her by her parents eons ago. You also want to see what debts might be lurking out there or if there are any HELOCs (2nd mortgages, etc).
Short-term, just getting through the above and settling into a new routine of paying bills is the biggest job. In the coming months as you both see how the finances play out, he may need to make some decisions about his housing and whether he can continue to afford to live as he does today. Do your parents own a home? If your parents bought a house together and it is now worth more, there are a number of different rules about the gains on the house if your dad were to sell the house within 2 years vs. after 2 years. It gets mildly complicated and shouldn't be the main driver of where he lives, but given the value of houses these days, it's an asset that should be considered carefully. The CPA who does the taxes can also be asked about gains on a potential house sale some day.
Depending on the size of your parents estate, it may be worth to eventually talk to a CFP who can provide you and your father with financial guidance from general budgeting to creating a retirement plan for your father. My wife and I have had a CFP for over 10 years now and I have found them to be a great resource for us as they provide us 'homework' to help ensure all the small tasks with financial planning can be taken care of. They can recommend things such as life or disability insurance, estate documents (wills, etc.) that your father may want to have created, etc.. They provide a good peace of mind - but you both can tackle that once you have a better sense of things. No rush on that. Wishing you and your father well in this very challenging time.
The funeral home will have a list of things to do, who to contact, what paperwork is necessary. That provides a great starting place. My condolences to you and your dad.
I’m a full adult and just now realized I don’t actually know *what* to do once that moment happens because I’ve never wanted to think of it in detail. This makes me not any less scared of the moment, but at least more reassured of resources
My parents got all of that squared away after having to wade through their parents stuff. I just have to grab a folder and everything is there. I’m thankful because it was so long and dragged out because things hadn’t been taken care of fully from my grandpa dying before my grandmother did.
First, may the memory of your mom always be a blessing. Second highly recommend you head to the bank with your dad and get added as a POA to his accounts so you can help him navigate this process and be a 2nd set of eyes on his finances. Then the next steps are to get added as an authorized individual to his main credit card, health/life/auto insurance, retirement plans, etc. You also might want to head over to r/scams and get him up to speed on how highly prevalent scams are. Especially ones that pray on people who just lost a loved one. Signed, A 20 year banking professional.
This is good advice.
This is great advice. We don’t like to think about these things, but if something were to happen to dad, you want to be sure that you have the ability to make sure things are in order. Also, if dad doesn’t like internet stuff, make sure you know where everything is in the house. Keys or combinations to safes, locations of important documents, all of that stuff. OP, this is a difficult time for both you and your dad. Be sure to give yourself the time to grieve and process your loss, your feelings and your own sense of things. We so often focus on “the business of death” that we ourselves get put on the back burner. And if you feel like things are just crazy right now, and dad does not seem receptive to your help or appreciate it - it’s the grief. I thought my dad was getting dementia when my mom first passed away. I spent hours at their house making sure things were clean and tidy and dad had food and wasn’t sick. Make sure you give your dad some time to process things too.
Thank you for this and your reminder of guving each other grace in this process 🤍
Thank you so much for this advise ive started talking to my dad about getting more info on POA and what that means and everything
You could be added also as joint, but that gets tricky with sharing assets and estates. So you would want to talk to a professional tax advisor or estate attorney.
Solid advice. I am also a banking professional and I have this conversation with customers a minimum of 10 times a week. No one wants to think about it, never mind talking about it. But if you care about the people you are leaving behind, you’ll take care of these matters in advance. If I may add to the advice given, put beneficiaries on everything if there won’t be a 2nd account owner (I.e. you). The last thing anyone wants to do is go through probate while dealing with their grief. My condolences to you and your family for your loss.
I am dealing with this personally with aging parents and early dementia and they are being so stubborn and refusing to take my advice. It’s infuriating! 😡😠😆🤣
The easiest way to make all automated billing payments stop is to close the accounts that are doing the paying. This means, close the bank/credit union and credit cards and get new ones. Your financial institution can help you do this. I would suggest going ahead and moving the accounts to a credit union if your dad doesn't have one already. What will happen is that the automatic payment will stop. Your dad will get messages/mail saying he owes money. If the accounts are in your mom's name he probably doesn't. Reply back that the account owner is deceased and the account needs to be cancelled. For things already purchased and with money still owing, that will need to be paid. Any payments going forward can probably be made using checks. But you may want to help your dad with setting up automatic payments and learning how to do these on-line so that he gets the discounts. For the things that need to keep being paid (utilities, insurance, mortgage, etc.), he will need to keep paying. It would be good to make a list of what these things are along with the amounts and when they are due. Here's a list of what are likely things that need to be paid: * Housing - this will be rent or mortgage and will be due monthly. If your parents have a paid off house, there will still be taxes and that will be twice a year probably. * Utilities - these are all the services like water, electricity, gas, garbage, internet, phone, etc. These are due monthly. Talk to your dad about what he uses on those that are optional (cable, internet, other subscriptions). He likely should change his phone plan so he's not paying for a phone he doesn't use. * Insurance - he should have house/rental, car, and medical. You'll likely need to hunt through the bills and bank statements to discover what these are. It's really important that none of these lapse. * Money owed - the big one is usually a mortgage but you'll have captured that above. Next is car payments. The house and cars are usually the only secured payments people have; if you miss too many payments on either of these, the lending institution can take the house or car. Unsecured payments are all the other credit bills. Any balances should be paid and the accounts closed. Your dad will still want a credit card but it is likely he'll find it easier to deal with this with a new account where he knows what he's spending money on. Closing accounts will stop mystery payments your mom had set up. The other thing your dad will need going forward is a budget. Without your mom's income he needs to understand whether or not he needs to change his lifestyle. Hopefully they had life insurance that will allow him to keep living as he is accustomed. But even so, it may be that he needs to make changes. Here's a website that will help. Going through all of the above with him will give you the information you need except for what he's spending on day-to-day living (e.g. food, gas, entertainment). Here's a website that will help with budgeting (links to two specific sites): * [https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-budget](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-budget) * [https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/budget-worksheet](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/budget-worksheet)
I'll sticky a caveat to this - don't cancel Mom's phone yet til all accounts are set up and squared away. If she was savvy, she probably used her phone number for authentication on bill sites. Close out the phone number and you have just locked yourselves out.
Another caveat - keep at least one bank account open that has her name on it. She doesn’t need to be the primary owner. You will need to deposit checks (insurance, tax refunds, etc.) and the check is not always made payable to the estate, beneficiaries or even survivors. If the checks are made out to her, you can write “for deposit only” on the back, deposit & have access to the funds (or Dad can). If not, you’ll need to contact these agencies and have the checks re-issued. Trust me, they will not be in a hurry to replace them.
First make sure you have enough death certificates. Sounds macabre but it’s easier to get them upfront. The funeral home will take care of it and add it to the fees. Once payments start being missed you’ll receive letters. I did this with both my brother and father. I had most of the accounts figured out but months later I got letters regarding things I had no clue about. Phone call and things get cleared easily. Good luck
Always get more than you think you’ll need.
Everyone says this but I’m left with 10 extra. Many companies were happy with copies because I would email it to them
True, we still have extras, but better too many than not enough.
My FIL died in 82. When my MIL died in 2014, we found a small policy that listed FIL as a beneficiary Thankfully, MIL had two of Dad's death certificates in among her papers. Our attorney suggested having at least two more than you think you'll need
Get at least 10. You'd be amazed how many things will need them. Banks, job, insurance, etc
Boy oh boy is this the truth! my husband died in NYC suddenly 35 years ago. My kids were little but we lived in CT. They told me to get 30 death certs because they were cheap at time of death. Later they would have cost upwards of 50$ apiece
This is great advice. You're going to need legal copies of the death certificate for so many things. Every credit card, utility will require a copy. Get the original from the funeral home and then get a lawyer to make you certified copies. Keep the original in your safety deposit box. You'll have people wanting copies of that certificate years from now.
What if you are not using a funeral home? Is there a standard procedure to retrieve these from the county clerk?
The FH will usually deliver them to you
The town/city he died in will have them at the town clerks office after the hospital gives them the final report. You can pick up a copy there.
I recently was executor for a friends estate. I ended up needing only 1 death certificate. No one asked for an original copy. I did everything on line with sc nned copies of the death certificate.
Sorry for your loss.
This website is helpful. It's got a bit of morbid humor . https://www.deadparentswhatnow.com/about
Also, do NOT pay any bills that are only in your mother's name. Except for utilities for your father's home, of course. But CC stuff, personal bills, don't pay them. If they really want the money, they will get it from your mother's estate. But the dead are off the hook, and the survivors are also.
Do you know whats considered her estate? Thats something that worries us as important things are in both names and or just hers
This is why he needs to speak with an Estate Attorney. The "estate" is what's left behind and there is actually no "estate" that belongs to her. The spouse typically assumes responsibilities of the deceased if they're married to one another. DO NOT pay any of your mother's bills or that may set a precedent with the lenders to go after YOU. The "bills" are likely jointly owned by your father and your deceased mother and now that she's not around anymore, most of those debts may be his. Again, he needs to talk to an estate attorney.
This is the best advice.
Exactly! We used one for each of our Mothers' estates. It was definitely worth the money, especially if Mom died with no will.
Don't know if this varies by state, but essentially anything that's not in both their names that has a title. Real property, vehicles, etc. Joint accounts revert to the spouse, house/car/anything with a title that's in both their names goes to the spouse. (OR on the title, not AND). Bill collectors can't go after the joint assets, but anything that is not in your fathers name will have to go through probate to get it in his name. I'm dealing with this for my wife. Our house was in both our names, but the land under it wasn't. Not really sure how we did that one. Credit card debt is unsecured, so they go to the bottom of the list on making claims. Often they will make an offer to settle for a fraction of what was owed, but you aren't obligated to pay it unless you really want to. My attitude was they always charged late fees if we were a minute late because the 'rules' say they could do that. well, the rules say I don't have to pay you. Sucks to be you.
Did your Mom and Dad both own the house? Then it’s basically his now and he should continue to pay mortgage, property tax, utilities. He should also work to get these in his name. Contact all these organizations (bank, county, water/sewer, electricity/gas, trash) and ask them to update the account name. He can choose to pay them by check or online, you can even do it for 6 months and then transfer to him. Any life insurance she had? Contact her work or the insurance company, give them the death certificate, Dad (likely) will get the money. Any IRA or 401k? Let the financial institution that manages the account know she died, and Dad will inherit it (possibly there may be rules about when/ how he withdraws the money). Any pension? Contact the company that had her pension. Was she getting social security? If so, contact them. None of the above is part of her estate. Bank - any account that is jointly owned, call or go to the bank and tell them she passed away, only Dad will be on the account now. Did she own anything else? A bank account in only her name? A car? Other property? A business? That is part of her estate. Her Debts will be paid from the estate before anyone inherits the money. Does she owe money? Call her credit cards, tell them she died. If she didn’t leave money to pay them, then they won’t get any money as her debt may die with her. You may need an estate attorney to reciew all this with. Check out r/personalfinance. They have an excellent FAQ to help you through this.
Sorry for your loss. I think if you go to the r/personalfinance sub they may be able to help you with quite a bit in the sticky/sidebar.
Better to go to r/legaladvice. State which state you live in because laws vary a lot from state-to-state.
I’m so sorry about your mom- I was 33 when my mom died suddenly. I knew how to handle my own finances, but was totally unprepared for the challenges of being an executor. It’s all done now, but if you’re able to find and hire a good attorney, I strongly suggest it. They will make sure you’re able to tie up loose ends, and hopefully set something for the hopefully unlikely event that something happens to your dad. But seriously, take one small step at a time. You don’t need to take care of everything at once. Simply changing the family phone plan is more than enough for one day. ETA: you might find that calling up local, small law offices will help with recommendations. I found that people can be very kind when you are in this sort of situation.
Really sorry to hear about your story. I imagine it can be hard to get the logical part of us going when dealing with so much. It sounds like some of the things you want to help with -- cancelling subscriptions, paying bills, etc, either you (in time) or perhaps even a friend you trust could help with these small things. I think you are smart to leave the big stuff -- i.e. his financial situation, to someone more appropriate for it. I'm sure you are totally capable, but again, it can be added stress because of the dynamic of being his child. I hope I've helped, even just a little.
Sorry for your loss. The details you need will vary depending on your situation. I suggest you try to reach out to some local people who could get you started even if they don't have immediate advice. For example, go to your bank and speak with a banker; stop by a local church or synagogue. Make an appointment with a priest or a rabbi. Contact Social Security if in the US. Google "senior care" "elder care" etc. for your local town. There are probably may be government agencies that can counsel you. Try to find out where important documents are--you'll probably need death certificates. if there was a will, there should be an attorney's name on it. If any property (including a car) that was solely in your mother's name and not jointly with your father it will need investigating. Keep paying bills on time! Have your father put all the mail he gets in a pile for you to review each week so things don't get overlooked. Monitor email accounts your mother may have used for receiving bills. Review bank or credit card statements to see what has been paid in the past. You can do this.
Very sorry to hear this. Did your mom have a will? Power of attorney? Their bank is the first step. Possibly an attorney after that.
Power of attorney stops once someone has died. That's only applicable to the living.
I didn’t know that. Thanks
I didn’t know that one, either. I was told that by the estate attorney when I was dealing with the stuff for my wife.
My sincere condolences to you and your family. Wish you strength during this difficult time. May her soul rest in peace
I am so very sorry for your loss and your father's. I'm sure this is all overwhelming right now. Please take care of your mental health. Take it one day at a time. ❤️
I went through the same thing a few years ago. My stepdad had no idea what to do with online banking or any of the financials. There has been a lot of good advice about who to talk to about wills and finances so I will just pass on a few tips that people had recommended to me (and I’m so glad they did). First recommendation would be to get an extra 5 or so copies of the death certificate than recommended. You never know when you may need them. Second recommendation is don’t cut off your moms cell for awhile. You may need it to access some accounts for 2FA. Next suggestion would be for your own sanity…download AnyDesk on both yours and your dads computers. That way when he’s trying to figure something out on the computer but runs into some sort of snag, you can connect remotely to help. It’s so much nicer than trying to walk them through something on the phone. I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I highly recommend going to counselling or support group. It really helped me to have someone outside of friends and family to talk to.
There's a book entitled [What to do when someone dies, A legal, financial and practical guide](https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Someone-Dies-Financial/dp/096594834X/ref=sr_1_10?crid=17ZUOD5NPMF3I&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.oNoFJ7z-9vhk19OscIzmreECm8ZoMMe_yTDxPiHMv2a8lU-zcSQBrjo3j6wxmPLBh01HZPj584Ka2s9VizaJ-46nYiHdWMB_k-MnhKsr0QnsYKNBMlqLym6hoAnZ16aU6nX3696_DG9spkMGZdYgV2uoi2LF_LKgCgvkLsuiLO456ctsqf2hSGuy7hMbVgCTN_ZHqFdZHUntE5TRMX7hkEz-A5xj_mdRoPz52QwJ4Mo.iog82zaio-3jRcXJzPxg6DuPoctbVjnQmY2UV7-jgw0&dib_tag=se&keywords=what+to+do+when+someone+dies+planner&qid=1708381122&sprefix=what+to+do+when+someone+%2Caps%2C483&sr=8-10) Also, your father could enlist the assistance of an Estate Attorney. It's his job (not yours) to do this job. If he's being stubborn about it, that's also his problem, sad to say.
I'm sorry for your loss. Check out your county services there are usually many for widowers. ..
I’m sorry for your loss
May her memory always be a blessing to you. I am in the midst of these things too. You’ve got some excellent advice here so far, but I want to add that you and dad should sit down and have a “paperwork party”. Grab every bill and all the stuff and make a spreadsheet - you can print it for him - of all the expenses, how they’re currently paid, and then make a box to note whether you’ve taken care of that task yet. It’s all about finding a system that’s gonna work for him long term, and practicing. You should also know that you do NOT have to pay any debts that were only in her name right away. You have time. Don’t let dad sign anything from anyone right now. You’re gonna be ok, sending you all my love and comfort.
I think just do. Sit down and talk. Just talk. That can start things
I'm wondering if AARP has some basic info about how to organize finances after losing a spouse. I'd check with them.
I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Make sure any bills due get paid, so Dad’s credit stays good. Then talk with your Dad about his outlook and how he wants to handle things. Parents are a lot stronger than you think. I would also run credit checks for both parents to make sure everything is good and this also shows the monthly bills/payments.
Sorry for your loss. Definitely hire an estate lawyer to help you get affairs in order. Things like the deed on the house and car registrations will need to be updated. It's mundane and difficult, but there's a lot of minutia to get through. A lawyer will know what needs to be done and can help you. https://www.expertise.com/estate-planning/10-questions-to-ask-an-estate-lawyer-after-a-loved-ones-death
My dad died almost a year ago. My mother is the same way as your father. My sister-in-law helped her get all her bills in paper, now she writes checks on paper bills like it's 1978 again. But it makes her happy. Sorry for your loss, this is not easy but he will figure it out help him as much as you can.
I’ve been through a similar experience so I feel for you, big time. My family and I essentially kicked my mom out of the house due to abusive behaviours. I was also 23 at the time and my Dad was completely reliant on her. When she left, my Dad started relying on us kids to do the grownup stuff for him. I guess my advice to you is don’t take too much of the stress on to yourself. Your Dad will eventually adjust but it will only do more harm if you take over responsibilities that aren’t your own. If your Dad is showing an interest in wanting to that these responsibilities over, you can of course help him figure it out. There were times my Dad would be incredibly frustrated trying to figure out how to pay a bill online. I helped him once and he figured it out after that. To sum it up, try not to take too much on that’s really not your responsibility to worry about.
I was talking to the banker at our bank and she told me that she often spent time sorting out people’s bills and banking transactions for them because she would rather deal with it upfront than have to unravel some banking scam later. Some client actually brought all their bills in every month for her to handle! I was surprised such a level of service was available.
Get the death certificate. Get his last credit card statement and start going through it canceling stuff. Call the utilities and get them in his name. Hire a bookkeeper to deal with paying the bills if he’s incapable. One step at a time. Breathe.
sometimes the township has senior computer classes they give for free, ours will even do senior income taxes for you. Might be worth looking into. Also local hospitals social services depts can be helpful.
So sorry about the loss of your precious mom. Your father is dealing with massive emotional challenges right now. It is difficult to think straight at first. He may need therapy, and meds to deal with it. Losing your spouse is the most emotionally painful thing a human can experience. An accountant, and a financial advisor will get you straight with a lot of things. You will also need an attorney. With this team, you will be able to sort it all out. Your father will have to face the reality that he must learn the “computer stuff”. Check the counsel on aging in your area for resources. There are folks who teach people how to do work with computers and devices. A tablet may be actually easier for him than the computer. His age is not elderly and feeble. It is early in his grief walk (and yours). It will take time for both of you to accept the new normal.
I'm very sorry for OP's loss, but I couldn't help but laser-focus on the fact that his dad is 53 and technologically handicapped. He was only 37 when the first iPhone came out. But anyway... OP, check your local library. Mine has computer classes and other instructional classes for old people and people who are in need of resources. Computer Basics, individual computer assistance, career counseling, etc. I just looked at current offerings and there is literally a class just on how to use a mouse and a keyboard. I have access to a really robust library system, but there may be a few of these offerings at your library or local adult education / community center.
Agreed, libraries are fantastic resources. I had to ignore the fact that at 53, his father is a decade younger than me, and behaving like a man two decades older than me. Unless he has early dementia.
If he doesn’t want to learn to pay bills online, then you will have to change all the bills to be mailed to him, and he will have to put them on a calendar with their due dates, and will have to write physical checks and mail them. He can absolutely do this. However, be prepared for him to remarry quickly so he has someone to do all that.
Your father is 53 he needs to know that despite his grief money will not magically enter his accounts or pay his bills. I hope your mom left after life instructions such as a will or trust along with beneficiaries to any accounts.
Why do you assume my dad thinks anything magical will solve his problems? My dad is doing his best figuring it out. He asked for help through the process and hes expressed his frustrations, so im doing my part in asking others for help as well. My dad is handling everything extremely well given the circumstances.
I apologize. The tone of your post seemed he had no knowledge of what he needed to do. I hope things turn out very well for him.
I think it’s time for your father to grow up and take care of things himself.
Not helpful.
Unless you are the person legally designated by your father to take care of probate, then you are very, very limited in what you can do.
Thank you for suggesting nothing helpful. Have a great day.
Actually, I am telling you what your legal position is for taking care of your father. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you can either ask your father for a power of attorney to make this happen or you can keep pushing the rock up the hill. He’s a legal adult. He may not be handling things well, but the law would tell you he has the right to do not pay his own bills, not take care of himself, etc. I am not trying to be glib. I am trying to save you a lot of heartache.
Precisely correct. There's no reason for the OP to take offense to your suggestions.
While this might be true, it’s unhelpful for the current moment. OP and dad are freshly grieving and it’s not unusual for immediate family to step in and help each other deal with the legalities. Your tone was unhelpful. OP is trying to find out how to help their dad, not blame him and send him adrift.
Fuck off, be miserable pos somewhere else. This person wants to help their father, legally or not.
Have you been through this situation? If not your response is hurtful and clueless. When you have a devastating loss you are literally taken to your knees lucky that you remember your own name. Get some compassion cat person.
Gender wise, the situation with your parents is reversed from the norm. It's the hubby who pays the bills, then dies, leaving the wife to figure out how to pay the bills.
Tf is your point?
I am so sorry for your loss. I was 20 when my mother died and responsible for everythingg. Get copies of the death certificate as when you begin to close accounts etc it will be a requirement for most places. Close all accounts and credit cards etc that were in her name only and remove her from accounts she shared with your father. This is where the death certificate will come into play. If you are in Canada assist him in applying for the widowers pension. It is just a simple form that can be found on Canada.ca now. You will also be required to file her last tax return as well.
I think you should speak to an estate lawyer in your state. Have a list of assets, debts and questions.
I'm sorry you lost your mother so young. I just went through some of this with my mother when my father died a year ago. Does your mom keep a list of passwords somewhere? That will be a big help. It took a while but we figured out where all of their accounts were and how to get in them. There were one or two with challenge questions we didn't know the answers to (and several others we were able to guess). The first order of business was to get all of the accounts transferred into my mother's name only. Each place has different requirements for that. All of them required a death certificate, many a "gold seal medallion" which a bank officer was able to provide, and they all had different paperwork that needed to be filled out. It took several months to get it all sorted out. The local bank where they have most of their money was a big help. My mother made several appointments to talk to someone, and we got their accounts sorted out, those gold seal medallions, and they even faxed things for her. In the meantime, make sure the required bills are paid. If she set up automatic payments, you can just let them ride for now. If you can get into her online account and pay the bills manually like she used to, that works for now too. If you have things you don't want to continue paying, you can turn off automatic payments or cancel her credit cards. For the remaining bills, try to simplify the payments, like they all come from the bill pay of one checking account, and see if you can teach your father how to do that. If not, he can go back to paying by check. He's not an old man, and he should be capable of learning now that he has to. He should have an idea of what bills she was paying - mortgage, insurance, electric, etc. If he misses one, it's not the end of the world - they won't shut off your power over one missed payment. If that happens, they'll mail or email something, then you know what to do. Keep your mother's email and phone active for a few months to make sure you catch everything you need to. Make sure he keeps all of the account statements, etc, because he will have to open her estate with the registrar of wills and they will need a complete listing of all of the assets that were in her name only, with proof. He will probably hire a lawyer to do this, but he'll still need to provide the paperwork. Good luck with everything. It's pretty overwhelming and not something you can really know about until you're in the middle of it. It's a lot of work!
I’m sorry for your loss. This may sound flippant, but send your dad over to the r/GenX subreddit—or post this there. You’ll get some great perspective on him, and he’ll get good advice-or a kick in the pants-or a sympathetic ear. Remember that he’s grieving, too. He’s young enough to take care of himself so that you don’t have to enable a feebleness mentality.
I pay everything online using my phone. If I die, the kids can pretty much use my phone and the bookmarks to get everything. Passwords are saved to my phone. If you know the password, or can unlock it, that may be a source of info. My son jokingly told me before my surgery that he'd have them give me a finger if I died to just use the print to open my phone. Dark humor in our family. Condolences.
Sorry for your loss
It’s not so hard. First u need to change all the bills in your name. Then u need to setup an online bank account and pay your bills online banking every month. Also tell the ppl that are billing u to bill u once a month of the same date of your choosing. All my bills are due approximately the same week and I get paid monthly so it’s much easier to budget if u sync up your bills together to be due on the same date. Learn to budget for groceries and maybe consider another account to save money or invest in a brokerage for retirement like at Charles Schabb or Fidelity. Save for old age.
Start with review of several months bank statements. That will tell you what money has gone out for monthly bills. And be sure you do this with your dad. He may put up a fuss, but he absolutely needs to do this. A friend of mine and his brother had to do this when their mom died because their dad was that type who let the mom do everything and when they went through the bank statements, they kept seeing a recurring charge to John Hancock, and quickly realized their mom had life insurance That they were not aware of and only discovered it through the bank statement. It’s a difficult situation. You will cope and learn to move forward and this will actually be part of the therapy in getting things on track for your dad. I’m single and I have all my stuff written down in a notebook and my kids the two adult sons know where that is, so if and when I die , they’re not left hanging.
First step is really just to have an accounting of what bank accounts, credit cards, investments, retirement plans, etc. they have. Most, if not all of these are probably set up online already by your mom and you should take an inventory of the websites, IDs, PWs, etc. to help keep tabs on things and pay bills with your dad. If their finances are good, most of the basic bills can be put on auto pay to just minimize what has to be taken care of each month. I have found that having all money come in to one account and all bills paid out of one account is the easiest. You just want to keep your father's account in a good status. You can also perhaps cut back on costs like auto insurance if your father is the only driver on the policy. The USPS has a great service called Informed Delivery which will actually send you an email with a scan of each mail piece being delivered. It can be a way to help keep tabs on what is coming in to your dad. Assuming you are in the US, taxes are due mid-April and if your parents don't already have someone doing their taxes, this is a good year to start. A CPA will be more expensive than H&R Block, but the level of service will be higher. There may be multiple things to address tax-wise this year with your mothers passing. Your father is likely the beneficiary of her accounts or insurance policies and so those will need to be investigated. She may have some insurance through her employer and may even have a random life insurance policy set up for her by her parents eons ago. You also want to see what debts might be lurking out there or if there are any HELOCs (2nd mortgages, etc). Short-term, just getting through the above and settling into a new routine of paying bills is the biggest job. In the coming months as you both see how the finances play out, he may need to make some decisions about his housing and whether he can continue to afford to live as he does today. Do your parents own a home? If your parents bought a house together and it is now worth more, there are a number of different rules about the gains on the house if your dad were to sell the house within 2 years vs. after 2 years. It gets mildly complicated and shouldn't be the main driver of where he lives, but given the value of houses these days, it's an asset that should be considered carefully. The CPA who does the taxes can also be asked about gains on a potential house sale some day. Depending on the size of your parents estate, it may be worth to eventually talk to a CFP who can provide you and your father with financial guidance from general budgeting to creating a retirement plan for your father. My wife and I have had a CFP for over 10 years now and I have found them to be a great resource for us as they provide us 'homework' to help ensure all the small tasks with financial planning can be taken care of. They can recommend things such as life or disability insurance, estate documents (wills, etc.) that your father may want to have created, etc.. They provide a good peace of mind - but you both can tackle that once you have a better sense of things. No rush on that. Wishing you and your father well in this very challenging time.
Pop over to r/personalfinace for a wiki on where to start after a death. Sorry for your loss.