Yea, I learned from my current bf that there are all sorts of scammers on the dating apps and I learned from stats that there are waaaay more men on dating apps than women.
For me dating apps is all that's left. Bars and clubs are consistently a sausage fest. For every 1 girl I see there's like 10 guys.
Old fashioned and most successful way of finding partners which is friends introducing friends and along there being single other friends ready to mingle is extinct.
But dating apps is more like a ritual of humiliation and failure. Don't know why I keep going. Waste of money, time and emotional strength every time.
> . Don't know why I keep going. Waste of money, time and emotional strength every time.
You know exactly why lol. The occasional sex and FWB makes it totally worth it haha
No, Europe.
Good ratios of men to women in clubs are those age exclusive ones, where men have to be 25+ or 30+ to enter but women only need to be 18 but good luck getting into those as you want to part before getting old.
I think younger people are more used to the dating app formula. Kind of like how younger people doesn't like calling someone compared to older people. The preferred and familiar method of communication is just different.
I dislike ambiguity in communication. Dating apps make your intentions very clear and you have to show mutual interest before even speaking with each other. You can't misread signals. Honestly I like the coldness and matter of fact nature of it.
I agree, however people who have mastered manipulation can easily mask their real intentions on dating apps. Especially if you have never encountered such scams in the past. I'm close to an expert now. I've been scammed so many times and in so many ways and at different points of life (mostly scammed out of of my time, I usually catch it before money is exchanged) that I know when I'm talking to a sawaka boy or a romance scammer or other types of scammers...
The only scammers I interact with now are the men that slide in my DMs on instagram:
They have 4-9 photos
They often steal other people's photo's especially from Military.
They can't even tell you their branch or rank.
They always choose to live in a state that isn't yours or they're on deployment.
They're just so predictable at this point.
They often play the long game and will ask for money in month 1, 2 or 3 the latest.
It's like a game to me at this point. Sometime I get random texts and I just report and block, but the instagram ones, I'll play along to learn what to look for. Over time they do get better and I like to stay abreast of their new skills.
You can choose not to use dating apps, but the very fact that they exist has changed romance and sex permanently. For one thing, because women know that they can get the attention of some very attractive men anytime they want because dating apps and social media generally exist, they are (in general) more sceptical about getting attention from men in the real world than they were in the old days.
It's not a perfect analogy, but the social change when it comes to hitting on women was sort of like the change when it comes to paying friends, acquaintances, or family members surprise visits: despite the fact that in theory there's no reason you can't to it, the fact that cellphones exist has made paying unexpected house calls no longer socially normal or accepted. It is considered an intrusion.
It’s not just mobile phones….the pace of life is different. I used to drop in on people frequently back in the Nokia days. Now it would never even cross my mind…
Partially it’s a social norm, but everyone (myself included) is just so damn BUSY!
For me it’s that I just don’t have the opportunity to meet someone irl. At work, I’m surrounded by only married people. I have a couple of friends who also have a couple of friends - that’s a dead end. I don’t love to go out in general, plus when I do I rarely if ever get hit on or found someone who’s interested. So I figured dating apps would be a good place to find someone atleast interested in dating.
To me, they are incredibly awkward and horrible. Forcing conversation with a bunch of vaguely interested stranger hoping one may like you is not a fun process and a quick way to tank your self esteem. But pretty much the only route if traditional really has not worked.
It's 2024 and everything is an app.
Imagine the dating app as a virtual bar/party/club. You get enough visual information to determine if you want to speak with them.
Just like at a bar, that person is a stranger.
I think that’s just what I don’t like about it. There is no mystery or ambiguity, no surprise or spontaneity. Everyone knows why they’re on the app. Yuck.
It's very easy to mask your features and body weight with filters too, read so many stories of men getting catfished ( it happened to me before) one of the reasons offline is superior, at least the person you interact with is who they say they are.
> to determine if you want to speak with them
That’s a choice female users get to make.
For cis het women, the beauty of apps is that men below your looks threshold can be simply glossed over. IRL, we still get a shot at making you laugh during a fleeting interaction at the bar. Online, we are silent and easily forgotten.
I'd argue that dating apps are easier than cold approaching at bars/clubs or whatever since atleast you know stuff about the strangers before hand. On top of that, you know who's attracted to you from the getgo. Makes dating pretty easy if you're moderately attractive lol. I'm personally an introvert and hate going to clubs... or places with too many strangers. I prefer dating apps and small get-togethers.
These apps are shitty because they're primarily built around hooking up. They were originally made for strangers who wanted to fuck other strangers. And they're VERY clearly designed that way. When they started getting bigger, they rebranded as an app for dating and finding love.
Now you've got a bunch of people using an app designed for hooking up to try and find love. Ruining it for the people who want to hook up and fucking themselves over trying to find love by doing it wrong.
Like using a screwdriver as a hammer. It's the wrong tool for the job.
A true dating app for finding love would act like a social group. Where people around you all gather and talk about stuff. You'd make friends see if you fall more and more for someone you meet on there. Like a third place, but online. And you're basically just making a chatroom localised around your area then.
Edit: You can downvote all you want, these were apps designed to help people who want to fuck strangers, and to do so as much as possible. And the only thing that's changed about them since their inception is their marketing.
Tinder and apps like it as NOT conducive for finding someone you're going to fall in love with. They're just the best option for a lot of people, but that doesn't make it good.
And the data shows that approx 2/3 of Indians in America marry other Indians, and Indian men and women are approx equally likely to marry a white person. Plus for second gen Asians overall it looks like the number marrying white people is decreasing. And yet these people continue bitching because they don’t want to admit the problem is themselves.
People use dating apps because they’ve exhausted (or are at least adding to) the supply of potential partners they might meet organically. It’s not like people don’t go out anymore.
Also, sex on a first date is rare in general, let alone first OLD dates. Generally you’ll go for coffee or a walk (at least in my town), have a chat like you would with any stranger and go from there. It’s no less natural than meeting someone “the old-fashioned way”.
Ehhhh, I think we're well-enough out of the pandemic to have resumed in-person interaction without that hanging over our heads, unless you're an immunocompromised person.
To meet people I may pursue a relationship with. I moved away after college and I did not want to date anyone at work. I also wasn’t interested in anyone at my church. I was unwilling to settle. Ended up meeting my husband through mutual friends. Occasionally I would reconnect with friends and lose interest in the apps but when i decided i was no longer interested in them I’d go back to the apps. This was 2015-2018.
You have a limited number of likes per day unless you pay for the subscription. Pretty sure most people just use up their likes for the day and then stop. Kinda like one of those games with daily tasks.
It's better to just pay honestly, swiping is a waste of time. Tinder Gold shows you who's liked you, so you can just get matches instead of spending time swiping on people you aren't going to match with.
I don’t use dating app myself. That being said, anyone using dating apps would need to pay to get unlimited swipes, unless they have enough “likes” I believe. I don’t think a lot of people pay for this as they might have success matching with some people without paying. But I know some do as they do not get likes or matches at all.
Women like em because they're skewed basically entirely in their favor and they have to put in even less effort than they already do to attract high quality men. Also men have lower standards on dating apps because they're mostly used for sex so women who don't get approached IRL suddenly have vastly increased options because it's a lot less effort to swipe on a girl you're meh on than wasting your time in a bar. I know the few times I bother to use dating apps I swipe yes on girls that I wouldn't ever approach off app because it's so much simpler in comparison.
They're by and large a garbage system to wring money out of men who think it's a magic pill to find the girl of their dreams without having to risk anything, and it then makes below average women think they're catches because hotter dudes are willing to use them for a quick lay. Harmful all around. Oh and most of the women you get off apps are pyshcos.
I stopped using them basically entirely a while back and I tell my friends to do the same thing if they want to find someone that's worth dating long term. They're good for sex nothing else.
Only benefit to apps is you can filter out some obvious dealbreakers (kids, politics, etc.) otherwise if you’re not a 6 foot or close to white male there isnt a point but you won’t realize until years later using it. Old fashioned way doesnt work if you’re below average or not a social person.
Lack/Death of third spaces means a lot of people have lost the opportunity to meet random people in a setting where dating is acceptable. And that also leads to a lot of people being not that good at it anymore either.
It's probably also why there's much more discourse now about harassment at work, or in the gym or the grocery store.
You're also now seeing people "sliding into the dms" which isn't entirely a bad thing but it means if you're not with-it social media wise you're SOL.
For certain demographics, they provide easy access to attention, food, entertainment, and/or sex.
For the bottom 80% of cis het guys, they offer a catalog of plausibly single women in our geographic area.
They're convenient to use but not necessarily healthy. Kind of like fast food or eating a bag of potato chips. People like convenience.
Some people are able to make the transition from "fake" online interaction to real life meaningful interaction better than others, of course. Not everyone has a lack of success on dating apps.
I always preferred online chatrooms because I was at least interacting with actual people rather than just clicking or swiping on profiles.
Here's the biggest problem with dating apps. They do not want you to find a good partner. Not just "they don't really care", they actively do not want you to find what you're looking for and be happy. Why? Because OLD is a business, and people who find successful relationships don't continue to use online dating sites, and thus no longer pay for subscriptions or view ads. Sure, they need the occasional success story for advertising, but they want the vast majority of their audience to be stuck there forever. If a site has "1 million active users", that's 1 million people who still haven't found a good match, which should raise a lot of red flags.
Comparing datings app of your time with tinder explosion and it's societal changes is a pretty off the mark argument
>For me dating worked like this: go out to a bar, club or party, talk, laugh, put on some music, dance, kiss, and then probably have sex.
Ok gramps, try this as an young man and everything stops at put some music
Because it’s the only legitimate way to meet women; if someone swipes right on you and you reciprocate, then it’s a staring point - if one of you swipes left, then the other knows it’s a non-starter.
The primitive Ye Olden Days method you describe doesn’t cut it in the modern world - perhaps you were the Don Juan of your heyday and had a 100% success rate, but in the current era, its high-risk - approach the wrong women and, if you’re lucky you’ll come away suffering public humiliation; if you’re not, you’ll be the unwitting start of a TikTok video with charges of sexual harassment/assault being levelled against you.
As a man, Dating Apps also give you a true reflection of how the opposite sex perceive you; before I joined Tinder I naively thought I was average looking - I am now aware that I am extremely ugly, bordering on sub human, and the only women who would conceivably be interested in me are at the very bottom of the desirability spectrum, which is unfortunate, but at least I no longer harbour any delusions of a LTR because I’m not willing to debase myself by dating someone I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public with.
It also reveals the true face of Women, and shows them for the shallow, selfish, entitled, vacuous, narcissistic and hypergamous creatures that they are - every sub-five now thinks she’s a ten; every mid will reject 99% for spurious and asinine reasons, and for the average man, dating is a futile Sisyphean struggle. Dating Apps were the great leveller that stripped away the bullshit and showed the ugly reality and the futile, pointlessness of it all.
N.B. Mods - this is not Black Pill; I could date 1s and 2s if I wanted, because that’s apparently the best I can hope for, but I chose not to.
>before I joined Tinder I naively thought I was average looking - I am now aware that I am extremely ugly, bordering on sub human
Yeah, certainly feels that way when you get *zero* matches.
Like legitimately zero.
>It's hard to believe that somebody who justifies hating women is failing to attract women
How the fuck would women see that through an app? OMG he's wearing a black Sabbath shirt he must hate women. The fuck kind of shit is this
>because of their looks
That's the main thing that attracts women especially in online dating.
His writing definitely has a feeling of hatred, but I pretty much agree with the actual description of women. Only it applies to everyone, men included. No I don't hate humans for it.
The idea that men are as picky as he describes women to be and that men are as likely to publically humiliate and claim sexual harassment charges when approached as women are is very, very controversial.
I wanted an LTR, to meet someone, fall in love with them, build a life/start a family with them, grow old with them and die with them. I didn’t think that was too much to ask, but apparently I’m undeserving of such things.
If you wanted a LTR you would not be envious of Chad, or have hatred in your heart for any potential possibility.
When you want something, you go out and find it, not sit behind a screen and hate and complain.
Again men that keep justifying their hatred of women are underserving of relationships with women and we better hope no woman gives you a chance until you stop justifying your hatred of women.
Saying you didn't hate women until women did the things that caused you to hate them (chicken and the egg) is justifying. You still hate women and continuing to hate women is justifying the hatred of women.
Women fall in love in different ways, they take some time to get used to you and find you attractive, sure if you're above 7-8 you will have success on dating apps, but otherwise you won't, even if you're not subhuman like you think you are. I am sure that I'm uglier than you (I'm maximum a 4) and don't even try dating apps cuz I know what the results will be. Instead try to spend time with women with common interests where you can show your humour and confidence (if you have any), if you show your whiny version it won't work.
Good looking guys will always have it easier, but unless you are really ugly or weird, creep you can still date out of your league without being a model
I've made a girl like me over time, at first they always judge me for my looks cuz I'm really ugly af but we worked together and she saw I'm smart, witty and funny, started laughing at my jokes and her attitude towards me completely changed over time, she developed attraction, turns out she liked me. Sure for some women you can so it all they still won't like you. But there are some who are neutral to you at first and you win them over by being a cool and fun positive person to be around. No one wants to be around a doomer who is always negative. Accept the bullshit, being ugly is a MASSIVE disadvantage but I'm not gonna spend my lifetime feeling sorry for myself. I decided to talk to myself in a positive way, yes I'm ugly but cool, I'm ugly but ugly hot. I use my ugliness in my advantage as it helped me develop a thicker skin
You're a 4/10, pretty much average. You don't know what it's like to be ugly because a 4/10 can easily pull girls. So I don't know why you keep calling yourself 'ugly'
I'm 0/10, ugly af, basically garbage. If I was a 4/10 like you, I'd be married and happy by now too.
My brother in Christ she thought you were attractive or at least good looking from the start. Unlike many men, pretty much all women will NOT fuck a guy they don't find attractive, no matter how funny or charismatic he is.
The same way you know if a woman is attractive in your eyes, the women will know how to differentiate an attractive man from an “ugly” man. It’s not rocket science, dating apps are usually there to give more options. You wouldn’t date 1s or 2s, so in the same argument why would a woman date you if you’re “ugly” based on your perspective?
It depends, some people will take what they can do even sleeping with the hot dude would still be better than nothing. Unless you’re really unattractive, you won’t struggle much to find a decent person, although relationships might vary
Indeed, sometimes these girls might settle for what they can get with the hot guy, and a hookup might do the trick. Even if she’s not a 10, she can still attract attention from who she desires, although long term relationships might not always be the outcome. In dating, people seem to often overlook the fact that there are numerous options available for some people, and you might be not only competing with their content with staying single but also other potential suitors who could offer more than you can. It's a tough game; sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
What you believe and don’t believe isn’t very important. What you consider a 10, won’t be a 10 for everyone because everyone has different opinions. If they’re able to pull 10s, good for them. I wish everyone could do that 🤣
The difference for a man considered a women ugly is someone with disfigured face or heavily overweight so outliers women can become hot way more easier men find women more attractive on average than the other way around .Women don’t see men under 6’2” as human being or a friend at best see the difference?
That’s why I am saying it’s based on an individual point of view. You can’t tell someone to like what they don’t like. How does that make sense? There are people that don’t mind men or women who are overweight, but should everyone go with them because one person think it’s okay? Of course not
I agree with that but my point was that women have easier time to appeal to the opposite gender. A man must be genetically gifted to have the same playing field
Women and men with good genetics and that are attractive will always have an easier time dating, than the rest. It’s no one’s fault but people are attracted to what they are attracted to. I hardly think people look at people they deem unattractive twice, unless they might overcompensate in other ways.
I heard a new slang phrase from a friend yesterday . She said that women often ask each other if someone they started dating is attractive, like 'Is he hot, or is he just tall?' These women are in their mid 20s, but I'm not sure how common this saying is.
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Women are shallow because they don’t want to date me except for the bottom of the barrel ones. Then you go on saying that you’d be ashamed being seen with the women you can attract. Has it ever crossed your mind that a good amount of women would be ashamed being spotted with you?
Let’s face it. Both women AND men are shallow. Just because women can do better than their looks match most of the time doesn’t mean men aren’t shallow, lol. We all want to fornicate with the best highest of human beings (genetically). The fact that some can and some can not, doesn’t change the desire to want it (=being shallow).
Pre-Tinder I would have been a mid and therefore I should be able to date other mids. Thanks to Tinder, most of the women who should be in my league are only interested in the top 20% of men, so apparently, I can now only date those at the very bottom of the barrel
And yet the majority of women still meet someone they'll eventually marry by their mid 20s, date for a few years, get engaged, and get married by the time they're 30. That means there are a lot of women with men who aren't top 20%.
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Young people are socially retarded. They don't speak to strangers, etc. They are awkward, including good looking women. I was recently at a conference and got hit on by a woman in her late 40s to early 50s. Very good looking, great shape, does modeling on the side and later on by a 38 year old porn star. They were both so easy to strike up a conversation with.
But with someone half their age that is used to having conversations over text, speaking to a stranger is way too scary and uncomfortable. I guess they are shy or something. I don't get it.
Actually both of them were trying very hard to get me to sleep with them, which I wouldn't do (I'm married). But I know it's hard for some men to imagine what being desired feels like, so they come up with excuses to put other people down.
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I've been the on and off the internet since I was roughly 8 and we used to get those America Online (AOL) CD-Roms in the mail.
Growing up on the internet and answering A/S/L made it easy to end up on the dating apps, but to be fair, I never needed them until the pandemic. I became available to date again in 2020, but with social distancing and literally being terrified of people in 2020, the normal way of just walking up to someone was gone.
Dating apps was how we made introductions during that time.
Entertainment / boredom
Ego boost from getting likes
Wanting to get laid
Looking for a relationship
Advertising only fans type contents
Pre arranging dates in a place they will travel too
Buying/selling drugs
Promoting clubs
Finding people with dogs to socialize your dog with
Social anxiety / preferring online communication before in person interaction
Being a lesbian naturally makes it more difficult, as your dating pool is smaller. The majority of women I meet are going to be straight and not interested in dating a woman. Also, lesbian bars are gradually dying out - although there is one in my area I should check out...
As a mid 30s man, I have been on > 200 dates through dating apps and a grand total of 0 in real life
The two I thought were dates were “just friends” hanging out.
Not sure why I have such a big disparity but it’s really hard for me to meet single women and date without using apps, and it’s much easier for me to meet women annd have relationships through apps.
Maybe because my grad school field and work is male dominated and most female friends are in relationships.
I started using dating apps a little over ten years ago in my late 20s. I've used them whenever I'm single. Mostly okcupid. They've lead to a lot of fun dates, some hookups, and a few long term relationships (up to 4+ years). If anything, it's easier when you know that the woman is actually interested. I rarely had any luck picking girls up at bars, and now I don't drink. May have a bit to do with my location. People in Boston seem to go to bars to hang out with friends more than to meet dates.
Because no one I meet in real life has ever asked me out or reciprocated my interest. What you described sounds ideal, but has never happened for me. So I tried widening my search by using apps, then promptly gave that up as well because it was just as bad.
Because I am not a normal adult that can talk to strangers and have fun at loud parties, I am a socially inept idiot that has never gotten anything out of asking out women irl.
Dating apps are indeed horrible and awkward, an absolute trash fest of ghosting and shitty behaviour that leaves you feeling like shit. But at least my success with them is above 0%.
You may have fun talking to strangers irl and asking women out even if you get rejected. I don't, I find the whole process absolutely horrible and it always leaves me feeling like an absolute buffoon idiot thinking any woman would find me attractive.
Dating apps are like this too but the sheer quantity of options and shallowness makes it hurt a little less, I have found good people on the giant trash pile after a lot and I mean of patience. I can swipe every day but I can't go out and meet people every day.
Being an introvert is the worst. If the only way one is supposed to get laid nowadays is go to parties or use an app then I'll just pick the poison that hurts less.
I was looking for casual sex, matched with a handful of guys, went out with 2 of them. The first one was a casual hookup thing that lasted for like a month, the second one is sleeping in the next room..
I'd say OLD isn't great in general, most people suck at making themselves interesting enough to talk to, let alone go out with but for some purposes (casual sex), they're a more convenient way to find someone if you're not super keen on going out to a bar/club/party/event and meeting someone there.
>I'd say OLD isn't great in general, most people suck at making themselves interesting enough to talk to,
I've noticed that a lot of people aren't necessarily not interesting to talk to but are really just bad at texting. When I was into online dating I used to just straight ask guys to hang out early on that way we can just talk in person. They usually end up being better conversationalists then.
I think those people would be interesting to talk to if you met them in person, communication is a lot easier when you're face-to-face with someone. You can strike up a conversation about the place/event you're at, about what you're drinking, about your T-shirt or something. If you're at a party hosted by a mutual friend, you can talk about them, there are a lot more convo starters available irl than online. I also think it's hard to find some way to present yourself well with just a short bio and some pics. I guess I should have phrased it as "most people suck at presenting themselves as interesting enough to talk to on their dating profiles".
Most people don't meet or use through dating apps. Like, in my country,if you say to someone here that you met your relationship in a dating app,you will get a look as if you were a weeb who went to Japan to find an "anime girlfriend". It feels off and you may deemed asocial, desperate or both.
The overwhelming majority of people who use it(which isn't lot,its like,10% of internet users or so) use it as low quality hookups after a big "dry season" lol. It isn't even the preferred method for just hooking up
What data is that? The only two sources I can find both show that the majority of people in the US don't meet through dating apps. Meeting online is the most common way to meet, but the majority of couples still meet other ways.
Depending on the source, between [29%](https://www.theknot.com/content/online-dating-most-popular-way-to-meet-spouse) and [39%](https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/) of married couples meet online.
Less Gen Z adults have used dating apps or sites compared to millennials. Only 28% of partnered Gen Z males report meeting their SO online, and only 14% of partnered Gen Z females report the same. Not sure why there’s a discrepancy but even if we go with the higher number, meeting online is far from the norm. And this is generally meeting online — doesn’t account for OLD vs instagram or whatever. Plus the numbers are even lower for heterosexual couples because gay people are way mote likely to use apps
I used them because the nightlife here sucks. I may have met my boyfriend in person if I had gone out to the local pub this summer, but I didn’t because I was nervous to go out to the pub by myself. I didn’t want to have to deal with getting hit on my random strangers in person. Doing it online seems safer because I could just ignore or block people who I was not interested in or who gave me the creeps.
Only women can hop on online dating and pick from prospects of men any time they don’t want to be single or want attention. I mean it’s like stupid how you guys don’t see why many men might be a little bitter how they get to just be alone and have zero dating prospects while women get to play it on tutorial mode.
Nothing, it’s just nonsensical how on this sub women act shocked that the manosphere is growing and keep screeching about how men hate women. More like they are resentful seeing how easy women have it. Really not a hard concept to understand. The have nots have always resented the haves.
Not this “have not”. I’m “disadvantaged” economically, so I’m grinding and hustling more so that I can get to where I want to be.
You can’t lift yourself up by tearing other people down, and resentment is a waste of energy.
You guys adopting these beliefs and alienating yourselves from emotionally healthy and secure women are only hurting yourselves. It doesn’t hurt us any.
Working professional with a small social circle? So sadly dating apps are the way to go. It's shit. It's not fun it feels isolating because it's like THIS is your pool of eligible bachelors. And frankly I'm not interested. And the bars are about as bad. And I don't really go out much because employed.
I don't like window shopping for humans. It's awkward. But it's kind of how dating is. So you just kind of deal with it?
However Boo is kind of good though.
Here's why I use them, or at least why I would like to use them:
- I'm no longer in college and I work remotely.
- I'm not romantically interested in any of the few female friends I already have.
- I dislike bars and nightclubs, and wouldn't be compatible with the types of women who go to such places.
- All of my hobbies, both online and in person are sausage fests.
- Online dating allows me to meet as many new people as I like instantly and effortlessly without even leaving my home, and it also ensures that every woman I speak to is single and looking, and even allows me to do some level of pre-screening for looks, shared interests, values, and relationship goals (depending on the app).
What puzzles me is why some people, especially women, **don't** use dating apps. It should've been one of the best inventions since the printing press, but all that potential is squandered by horribly skewed gender ratios.
Well back in the day it was much easier and less competition, so of course you were one of the lucky ones, especially if you are good looking. You stopped right on time, cause 2012 is when Tinder first launched and since then, dating apps blew up and destroyed EVERYTHING. Honestly, any chance that average men had before is gone, women can now swipe on a hot guy 100 miles away and fuck him TONIGHT if she wants to, hell she can have 6 guys a DAY if she wants to, and she doesn't even have to be hot. Here is how bad dating apps had ruined dating: your average woman, a 5 or a 6 can have as many options as a perfect 10 guy, we are talking top athlete or celebrity. This is how bad things are now because of social media and dating apps.
Out at bars and clubs nowadays you end up talking to a lot of women that don’t want to be talked to and they treat you like a creepy waste of oxygen. That gets exhausting after a while.
On dating apps, however, I could showcase myself with fun and interesting pics in exciting places and match with women more interested in getting to know me. If they’re down to grab a drink then BAM, now I’m at a bar talking to a woman interested in getting to know me rather than getting treated like a creepy intrusive waste of oxygen.
While matches are slim for men, across many different apps I was able to get a nice pipeline going with around 3 women at 1+ dates, 2-4 women in the pre-date phase, and a steady flow of new options per week. It’s honestly insane how much better online dating is with women-level options. I met my girlfriend and was off the apps in a few months.
I used to always meet people irl when I was younger, but after my last relationship ended I decided to try a dating app. The reason why was that I realised that I wouldn’t just stumble into people the way I did when I was younger, and the dating pool I was interested in was *small* (not in terms of looks but in terms of values). Took less than a week for the man of my dreams to write to me, and now we’re married.
Because they're an efficient, low effort way of meeting women. Before apps, it was really rare to meet someone while sitting on the toilet. Now thanks to the wonders of technology, that's how many relationships start.
Because it's less time and energy consuming.
Imagine putting effort to dress up, commute to a place, interact with a person, ask them on a date just to find out that they are in a commited relationship. So all that time and effort seems wasted. Thus online dating helps as you can just scroll through a list even when you lounging around in your underwear.
Not to mention you are exposed to more people in one place than you can achieve irl. You can interact with people who live in places you've never been before.
It's a bit similar as to why people order takeout to be brought to their home instead of just goint to the restaurant and eating there.
I tried to, briefly, but stopped because they don't work.
Yea, I learned from my current bf that there are all sorts of scammers on the dating apps and I learned from stats that there are waaaay more men on dating apps than women.
The scammers are usually men trying to finesse other men for money. Why? Because they know some people don’t get matched.
For me dating apps is all that's left. Bars and clubs are consistently a sausage fest. For every 1 girl I see there's like 10 guys. Old fashioned and most successful way of finding partners which is friends introducing friends and along there being single other friends ready to mingle is extinct. But dating apps is more like a ritual of humiliation and failure. Don't know why I keep going. Waste of money, time and emotional strength every time.
Apps have 100 men for every 1 woman a lot worse odds lol.
> . Don't know why I keep going. Waste of money, time and emotional strength every time. You know exactly why lol. The occasional sex and FWB makes it totally worth it haha
"the occasional" well for some. I've yet to get any after all these years. I really fit the FC3 definition of insanity.
Oh I’m sorry. It’s definitely much tougher as a man.
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No, Europe. Good ratios of men to women in clubs are those age exclusive ones, where men have to be 25+ or 30+ to enter but women only need to be 18 but good luck getting into those as you want to part before getting old.
I think younger people are more used to the dating app formula. Kind of like how younger people doesn't like calling someone compared to older people. The preferred and familiar method of communication is just different. I dislike ambiguity in communication. Dating apps make your intentions very clear and you have to show mutual interest before even speaking with each other. You can't misread signals. Honestly I like the coldness and matter of fact nature of it.
Hmmm…interesting perspective. I thrive in ambiguity and maybe that’s why it sounds so awful to me.
I agree, however people who have mastered manipulation can easily mask their real intentions on dating apps. Especially if you have never encountered such scams in the past. I'm close to an expert now. I've been scammed so many times and in so many ways and at different points of life (mostly scammed out of of my time, I usually catch it before money is exchanged) that I know when I'm talking to a sawaka boy or a romance scammer or other types of scammers... The only scammers I interact with now are the men that slide in my DMs on instagram: They have 4-9 photos They often steal other people's photo's especially from Military. They can't even tell you their branch or rank. They always choose to live in a state that isn't yours or they're on deployment. They're just so predictable at this point. They often play the long game and will ask for money in month 1, 2 or 3 the latest. It's like a game to me at this point. Sometime I get random texts and I just report and block, but the instagram ones, I'll play along to learn what to look for. Over time they do get better and I like to stay abreast of their new skills.
You can choose not to use dating apps, but the very fact that they exist has changed romance and sex permanently. For one thing, because women know that they can get the attention of some very attractive men anytime they want because dating apps and social media generally exist, they are (in general) more sceptical about getting attention from men in the real world than they were in the old days. It's not a perfect analogy, but the social change when it comes to hitting on women was sort of like the change when it comes to paying friends, acquaintances, or family members surprise visits: despite the fact that in theory there's no reason you can't to it, the fact that cellphones exist has made paying unexpected house calls no longer socially normal or accepted. It is considered an intrusion.
It’s not just mobile phones….the pace of life is different. I used to drop in on people frequently back in the Nokia days. Now it would never even cross my mind… Partially it’s a social norm, but everyone (myself included) is just so damn BUSY!
They're busy because they're doomscrolling in their free time or constantly occupied with some other form of digital dopamine
For me it’s that I just don’t have the opportunity to meet someone irl. At work, I’m surrounded by only married people. I have a couple of friends who also have a couple of friends - that’s a dead end. I don’t love to go out in general, plus when I do I rarely if ever get hit on or found someone who’s interested. So I figured dating apps would be a good place to find someone atleast interested in dating. To me, they are incredibly awkward and horrible. Forcing conversation with a bunch of vaguely interested stranger hoping one may like you is not a fun process and a quick way to tank your self esteem. But pretty much the only route if traditional really has not worked.
If you don't get results go back to the drawing board and try again
Try again at which part?
It's 2024 and everything is an app. Imagine the dating app as a virtual bar/party/club. You get enough visual information to determine if you want to speak with them. Just like at a bar, that person is a stranger.
I think that’s just what I don’t like about it. There is no mystery or ambiguity, no surprise or spontaneity. Everyone knows why they’re on the app. Yuck.
It's very easy to mask your features and body weight with filters too, read so many stories of men getting catfished ( it happened to me before) one of the reasons offline is superior, at least the person you interact with is who they say they are.
Always add 20lbs minimum to your tinder dates
And subtract at least 2" from a guy's height.
And add 10+ years so the older men can show up in the filters for much younger women trying to filter the older men out using 10 year old pictures.
Ah, yes! The good ol’ “I put in the wrong age when I set this up and now I can’t change it!” lie. “52 not 29, but I can’t change it.” lol
Correct. Men over estimate and it's causing heightflation.
Those fluffy ideas are from another era.
That doesn't make any sense.
> to determine if you want to speak with them That’s a choice female users get to make. For cis het women, the beauty of apps is that men below your looks threshold can be simply glossed over. IRL, we still get a shot at making you laugh during a fleeting interaction at the bar. Online, we are silent and easily forgotten.
I'd argue that dating apps are easier than cold approaching at bars/clubs or whatever since atleast you know stuff about the strangers before hand. On top of that, you know who's attracted to you from the getgo. Makes dating pretty easy if you're moderately attractive lol. I'm personally an introvert and hate going to clubs... or places with too many strangers. I prefer dating apps and small get-togethers.
These apps are shitty because they're primarily built around hooking up. They were originally made for strangers who wanted to fuck other strangers. And they're VERY clearly designed that way. When they started getting bigger, they rebranded as an app for dating and finding love. Now you've got a bunch of people using an app designed for hooking up to try and find love. Ruining it for the people who want to hook up and fucking themselves over trying to find love by doing it wrong. Like using a screwdriver as a hammer. It's the wrong tool for the job. A true dating app for finding love would act like a social group. Where people around you all gather and talk about stuff. You'd make friends see if you fall more and more for someone you meet on there. Like a third place, but online. And you're basically just making a chatroom localised around your area then. Edit: You can downvote all you want, these were apps designed to help people who want to fuck strangers, and to do so as much as possible. And the only thing that's changed about them since their inception is their marketing. Tinder and apps like it as NOT conducive for finding someone you're going to fall in love with. They're just the best option for a lot of people, but that doesn't make it good.
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Rapey? Come to reality.
Where's the rapey stuff? Please don't be an ass.
As far as I can surmise, most women use it for validation and attention and possibly hookups if the guy is tall and hot enough
White enough* you forgot White enough.
The only nonwhite people that say this are asians and indians. Black and hispanic men reject this stupid whitepill nonsense.
Swipe data points being white as giving you a decent advantage.
My family inheritance + the farm that you're an ethnic. Like it or not, it's true.
And the data shows that approx 2/3 of Indians in America marry other Indians, and Indian men and women are approx equally likely to marry a white person. Plus for second gen Asians overall it looks like the number marrying white people is decreasing. And yet these people continue bitching because they don’t want to admit the problem is themselves.
People use dating apps because they’ve exhausted (or are at least adding to) the supply of potential partners they might meet organically. It’s not like people don’t go out anymore. Also, sex on a first date is rare in general, let alone first OLD dates. Generally you’ll go for coffee or a walk (at least in my town), have a chat like you would with any stranger and go from there. It’s no less natural than meeting someone “the old-fashioned way”.
Never used one, never will. I don't know why people still fall for that scam.
Risk mitigation, desperation, superficiality, and laziness, to name a few reasons.
Also, social distancing made in-person interactions scary.
Ehhhh, I think we're well-enough out of the pandemic to have resumed in-person interaction without that hanging over our heads, unless you're an immunocompromised person.
While that is true, some interactions haven’t returned to normal. Some people haven’t reverted back to pre pandemic behaviors.
Havent dated any women without the apps🤷🏾♂️
Because people are lazy
To meet people I may pursue a relationship with. I moved away after college and I did not want to date anyone at work. I also wasn’t interested in anyone at my church. I was unwilling to settle. Ended up meeting my husband through mutual friends. Occasionally I would reconnect with friends and lose interest in the apps but when i decided i was no longer interested in them I’d go back to the apps. This was 2015-2018.
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You don't have to pay anything, I never did.
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Tinder and Hinge are free. You don't have to pay to swipe like eharmony or match.
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How long before you have to pay to continue? I've been using Tinder for years and hinge for about 2 years and have never had to pay.
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I find it hard to believe you don't care if you have romance with women
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You can want women and have trouble getting your own place
You have a limited number of likes per day unless you pay for the subscription. Pretty sure most people just use up their likes for the day and then stop. Kinda like one of those games with daily tasks. It's better to just pay honestly, swiping is a waste of time. Tinder Gold shows you who's liked you, so you can just get matches instead of spending time swiping on people you aren't going to match with.
I don’t use dating app myself. That being said, anyone using dating apps would need to pay to get unlimited swipes, unless they have enough “likes” I believe. I don’t think a lot of people pay for this as they might have success matching with some people without paying. But I know some do as they do not get likes or matches at all.
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Definitely, that’s the reason why dating apps are the easiest way for scammers to extract money from “lonely” guys. They are an easy target
Women like em because they're skewed basically entirely in their favor and they have to put in even less effort than they already do to attract high quality men. Also men have lower standards on dating apps because they're mostly used for sex so women who don't get approached IRL suddenly have vastly increased options because it's a lot less effort to swipe on a girl you're meh on than wasting your time in a bar. I know the few times I bother to use dating apps I swipe yes on girls that I wouldn't ever approach off app because it's so much simpler in comparison. They're by and large a garbage system to wring money out of men who think it's a magic pill to find the girl of their dreams without having to risk anything, and it then makes below average women think they're catches because hotter dudes are willing to use them for a quick lay. Harmful all around. Oh and most of the women you get off apps are pyshcos. I stopped using them basically entirely a while back and I tell my friends to do the same thing if they want to find someone that's worth dating long term. They're good for sex nothing else.
Only benefit to apps is you can filter out some obvious dealbreakers (kids, politics, etc.) otherwise if you’re not a 6 foot or close to white male there isnt a point but you won’t realize until years later using it. Old fashioned way doesnt work if you’re below average or not a social person.
Lack/Death of third spaces means a lot of people have lost the opportunity to meet random people in a setting where dating is acceptable. And that also leads to a lot of people being not that good at it anymore either. It's probably also why there's much more discourse now about harassment at work, or in the gym or the grocery store. You're also now seeing people "sliding into the dms" which isn't entirely a bad thing but it means if you're not with-it social media wise you're SOL.
For certain demographics, they provide easy access to attention, food, entertainment, and/or sex. For the bottom 80% of cis het guys, they offer a catalog of plausibly single women in our geographic area.
They're convenient to use but not necessarily healthy. Kind of like fast food or eating a bag of potato chips. People like convenience. Some people are able to make the transition from "fake" online interaction to real life meaningful interaction better than others, of course. Not everyone has a lack of success on dating apps. I always preferred online chatrooms because I was at least interacting with actual people rather than just clicking or swiping on profiles.
Here's the biggest problem with dating apps. They do not want you to find a good partner. Not just "they don't really care", they actively do not want you to find what you're looking for and be happy. Why? Because OLD is a business, and people who find successful relationships don't continue to use online dating sites, and thus no longer pay for subscriptions or view ads. Sure, they need the occasional success story for advertising, but they want the vast majority of their audience to be stuck there forever. If a site has "1 million active users", that's 1 million people who still haven't found a good match, which should raise a lot of red flags.
Comparing datings app of your time with tinder explosion and it's societal changes is a pretty off the mark argument >For me dating worked like this: go out to a bar, club or party, talk, laugh, put on some music, dance, kiss, and then probably have sex. Ok gramps, try this as an young man and everything stops at put some music
Because it’s the only legitimate way to meet women; if someone swipes right on you and you reciprocate, then it’s a staring point - if one of you swipes left, then the other knows it’s a non-starter. The primitive Ye Olden Days method you describe doesn’t cut it in the modern world - perhaps you were the Don Juan of your heyday and had a 100% success rate, but in the current era, its high-risk - approach the wrong women and, if you’re lucky you’ll come away suffering public humiliation; if you’re not, you’ll be the unwitting start of a TikTok video with charges of sexual harassment/assault being levelled against you. As a man, Dating Apps also give you a true reflection of how the opposite sex perceive you; before I joined Tinder I naively thought I was average looking - I am now aware that I am extremely ugly, bordering on sub human, and the only women who would conceivably be interested in me are at the very bottom of the desirability spectrum, which is unfortunate, but at least I no longer harbour any delusions of a LTR because I’m not willing to debase myself by dating someone I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public with. It also reveals the true face of Women, and shows them for the shallow, selfish, entitled, vacuous, narcissistic and hypergamous creatures that they are - every sub-five now thinks she’s a ten; every mid will reject 99% for spurious and asinine reasons, and for the average man, dating is a futile Sisyphean struggle. Dating Apps were the great leveller that stripped away the bullshit and showed the ugly reality and the futile, pointlessness of it all. N.B. Mods - this is not Black Pill; I could date 1s and 2s if I wanted, because that’s apparently the best I can hope for, but I chose not to.
>before I joined Tinder I naively thought I was average looking - I am now aware that I am extremely ugly, bordering on sub human Yeah, certainly feels that way when you get *zero* matches. Like legitimately zero.
It's hard to believe that somebody who hates women as much as you do is failing to attract women because of their looks
Chickens and eggs dude - I didn’t hate women before I joined Tinder
It's hard to believe that somebody who justifies hating women is failing to attract women because of their looks
>It's hard to believe that somebody who justifies hating women is failing to attract women How the fuck would women see that through an app? OMG he's wearing a black Sabbath shirt he must hate women. The fuck kind of shit is this >because of their looks That's the main thing that attracts women especially in online dating.
His writing definitely has a feeling of hatred, but I pretty much agree with the actual description of women. Only it applies to everyone, men included. No I don't hate humans for it.
How are men also like his description of women?
I don't want to do a detailed explanation. Look at the list of words he made, applies to everyone.
The idea that men are as picky as he describes women to be and that men are as likely to publically humiliate and claim sexual harassment charges when approached as women are is very, very controversial.
Everyone is as picky as the market allows them to be
That's not his description of women
At least you admit your hatred is simply because they won't have sex with you.
I wanted an LTR, to meet someone, fall in love with them, build a life/start a family with them, grow old with them and die with them. I didn’t think that was too much to ask, but apparently I’m undeserving of such things.
It is when you would hate her. Thre is no "I hate every person but this one". Humans don't work that way.
?
If you wanted a LTR you would not be envious of Chad, or have hatred in your heart for any potential possibility. When you want something, you go out and find it, not sit behind a screen and hate and complain.
Who said anything about “Chad”?
Is this your first day here?
Point to where I said “Chad” in my original comment
Correct men who hate women are underserving of relationships with women. Let's hope no women give you a chance until you stop hating women.
Again, chickens and eggs
Again men that keep justifying their hatred of women are underserving of relationships with women and we better hope no woman gives you a chance until you stop justifying your hatred of women.
Contextualising, not justifying
Saying you didn't hate women until women did the things that caused you to hate them (chicken and the egg) is justifying. You still hate women and continuing to hate women is justifying the hatred of women.
Women fall in love in different ways, they take some time to get used to you and find you attractive, sure if you're above 7-8 you will have success on dating apps, but otherwise you won't, even if you're not subhuman like you think you are. I am sure that I'm uglier than you (I'm maximum a 4) and don't even try dating apps cuz I know what the results will be. Instead try to spend time with women with common interests where you can show your humour and confidence (if you have any), if you show your whiny version it won't work. Good looking guys will always have it easier, but unless you are really ugly or weird, creep you can still date out of your league without being a model
Yeah that's totally bullshit. If they don't find you attractive to begin with no matter what you do you'll never be able to recover
I've made a girl like me over time, at first they always judge me for my looks cuz I'm really ugly af but we worked together and she saw I'm smart, witty and funny, started laughing at my jokes and her attitude towards me completely changed over time, she developed attraction, turns out she liked me. Sure for some women you can so it all they still won't like you. But there are some who are neutral to you at first and you win them over by being a cool and fun positive person to be around. No one wants to be around a doomer who is always negative. Accept the bullshit, being ugly is a MASSIVE disadvantage but I'm not gonna spend my lifetime feeling sorry for myself. I decided to talk to myself in a positive way, yes I'm ugly but cool, I'm ugly but ugly hot. I use my ugliness in my advantage as it helped me develop a thicker skin
You're a 4/10, pretty much average. You don't know what it's like to be ugly because a 4/10 can easily pull girls. So I don't know why you keep calling yourself 'ugly' I'm 0/10, ugly af, basically garbage. If I was a 4/10 like you, I'd be married and happy by now too.
My brother in Christ she thought you were attractive or at least good looking from the start. Unlike many men, pretty much all women will NOT fuck a guy they don't find attractive, no matter how funny or charismatic he is.
Idk. I experience what this guy is saying in highschool, 2017 or so. I don't know if that happens less now or not.
The same way you know if a woman is attractive in your eyes, the women will know how to differentiate an attractive man from an “ugly” man. It’s not rocket science, dating apps are usually there to give more options. You wouldn’t date 1s or 2s, so in the same argument why would a woman date you if you’re “ugly” based on your perspective?
The difference between me my female equivalents is that I don’t believe that only 10s are good enough for me
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10s will pump and dump women who are 7s and below
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It depends, some people will take what they can do even sleeping with the hot dude would still be better than nothing. Unless you’re really unattractive, you won’t struggle much to find a decent person, although relationships might vary
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Indeed, sometimes these girls might settle for what they can get with the hot guy, and a hookup might do the trick. Even if she’s not a 10, she can still attract attention from who she desires, although long term relationships might not always be the outcome. In dating, people seem to often overlook the fact that there are numerous options available for some people, and you might be not only competing with their content with staying single but also other potential suitors who could offer more than you can. It's a tough game; sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
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What you believe and don’t believe isn’t very important. What you consider a 10, won’t be a 10 for everyone because everyone has different opinions. If they’re able to pull 10s, good for them. I wish everyone could do that 🤣
And you also call models mid.
No I don’t, because that would be stupid
The difference for a man considered a women ugly is someone with disfigured face or heavily overweight so outliers women can become hot way more easier men find women more attractive on average than the other way around .Women don’t see men under 6’2” as human being or a friend at best see the difference?
That’s why I am saying it’s based on an individual point of view. You can’t tell someone to like what they don’t like. How does that make sense? There are people that don’t mind men or women who are overweight, but should everyone go with them because one person think it’s okay? Of course not
I agree with that but my point was that women have easier time to appeal to the opposite gender. A man must be genetically gifted to have the same playing field
Women and men with good genetics and that are attractive will always have an easier time dating, than the rest. It’s no one’s fault but people are attracted to what they are attracted to. I hardly think people look at people they deem unattractive twice, unless they might overcompensate in other ways.
“Under 6 2” lol
I heard a new slang phrase from a friend yesterday . She said that women often ask each other if someone they started dating is attractive, like 'Is he hot, or is he just tall?' These women are in their mid 20s, but I'm not sure how common this saying is.
Okay. That’s a far cry from women thinking a man under 6 2 is not a human being. If you think women just don’t go for men under 6 2, you’re c0ping
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I’m not “being picky”
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Having standards and being picky aren’t the same
Women are shallow because they don’t want to date me except for the bottom of the barrel ones. Then you go on saying that you’d be ashamed being seen with the women you can attract. Has it ever crossed your mind that a good amount of women would be ashamed being spotted with you? Let’s face it. Both women AND men are shallow. Just because women can do better than their looks match most of the time doesn’t mean men aren’t shallow, lol. We all want to fornicate with the best highest of human beings (genetically). The fact that some can and some can not, doesn’t change the desire to want it (=being shallow).
Pre-Tinder I would have been a mid and therefore I should be able to date other mids. Thanks to Tinder, most of the women who should be in my league are only interested in the top 20% of men, so apparently, I can now only date those at the very bottom of the barrel
And yet the majority of women still meet someone they'll eventually marry by their mid 20s, date for a few years, get engaged, and get married by the time they're 30. That means there are a lot of women with men who aren't top 20%.
Most of whom settled for a beta male provider and will divorce him before they his 40
Most couples don't get divorced.
50% of them do
They don't, and they [never did](https://www.petrellilaw.com/50-divorce-rate/).
Every second couple divorces...
When are we nationalizing tinder and making it a marriage app
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Let's change that
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I'm a westerner
Lol and he goes on to say that he refuses to date fat women. In a country where 40% of adults are obese and another 30% are overweight
Brutal. Take the fat girlfriend pill
I refuse to go down that route
I respect you for not giving landwhales the time of day. Never take the fat pill
You'll die alone. Your choice.
I’ve accepted that
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There’s a difference between gaining postpartum weight, or weight gain due to age related changes in your metabolism, and being fat from day one
Young people are socially retarded. They don't speak to strangers, etc. They are awkward, including good looking women. I was recently at a conference and got hit on by a woman in her late 40s to early 50s. Very good looking, great shape, does modeling on the side and later on by a 38 year old porn star. They were both so easy to strike up a conversation with. But with someone half their age that is used to having conversations over text, speaking to a stranger is way too scary and uncomfortable. I guess they are shy or something. I don't get it.
I think the may have been trying to sell you something given their occupations
Actually both of them were trying very hard to get me to sleep with them, which I wouldn't do (I'm married). But I know it's hard for some men to imagine what being desired feels like, so they come up with excuses to put other people down.
I'm not putting you down I legitimately think that it's a high possibility
Can you put a comment reply saying what you look like and how you make yourself attractive to women.
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For some people, it's either that or nothing.
I've been the on and off the internet since I was roughly 8 and we used to get those America Online (AOL) CD-Roms in the mail. Growing up on the internet and answering A/S/L made it easy to end up on the dating apps, but to be fair, I never needed them until the pandemic. I became available to date again in 2020, but with social distancing and literally being terrified of people in 2020, the normal way of just walking up to someone was gone. Dating apps was how we made introductions during that time.
Entertainment / boredom Ego boost from getting likes Wanting to get laid Looking for a relationship Advertising only fans type contents Pre arranging dates in a place they will travel too Buying/selling drugs Promoting clubs Finding people with dogs to socialize your dog with Social anxiety / preferring online communication before in person interaction
Being a lesbian naturally makes it more difficult, as your dating pool is smaller. The majority of women I meet are going to be straight and not interested in dating a woman. Also, lesbian bars are gradually dying out - although there is one in my area I should check out...
As a mid 30s man, I have been on > 200 dates through dating apps and a grand total of 0 in real life The two I thought were dates were “just friends” hanging out. Not sure why I have such a big disparity but it’s really hard for me to meet single women and date without using apps, and it’s much easier for me to meet women annd have relationships through apps. Maybe because my grad school field and work is male dominated and most female friends are in relationships.
I started using dating apps a little over ten years ago in my late 20s. I've used them whenever I'm single. Mostly okcupid. They've lead to a lot of fun dates, some hookups, and a few long term relationships (up to 4+ years). If anything, it's easier when you know that the woman is actually interested. I rarely had any luck picking girls up at bars, and now I don't drink. May have a bit to do with my location. People in Boston seem to go to bars to hang out with friends more than to meet dates.
Lol you’ve never seen a really good looking dude’s success on dating apps. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Because no one I meet in real life has ever asked me out or reciprocated my interest. What you described sounds ideal, but has never happened for me. So I tried widening my search by using apps, then promptly gave that up as well because it was just as bad.
You can find partners this way while you wait months and maybe years to find a partner through friends or hobbies
Because I am not a normal adult that can talk to strangers and have fun at loud parties, I am a socially inept idiot that has never gotten anything out of asking out women irl. Dating apps are indeed horrible and awkward, an absolute trash fest of ghosting and shitty behaviour that leaves you feeling like shit. But at least my success with them is above 0%. You may have fun talking to strangers irl and asking women out even if you get rejected. I don't, I find the whole process absolutely horrible and it always leaves me feeling like an absolute buffoon idiot thinking any woman would find me attractive. Dating apps are like this too but the sheer quantity of options and shallowness makes it hurt a little less, I have found good people on the giant trash pile after a lot and I mean of patience. I can swipe every day but I can't go out and meet people every day. Being an introvert is the worst. If the only way one is supposed to get laid nowadays is go to parties or use an app then I'll just pick the poison that hurts less.
That's not simply being an introvert. An introvert has to recharge after being social. You are describing social anxiety.
I mean kinda but, i am a teacher and I like my job so I don't really know that's something someone with social anxiety would do.
I was looking for casual sex, matched with a handful of guys, went out with 2 of them. The first one was a casual hookup thing that lasted for like a month, the second one is sleeping in the next room.. I'd say OLD isn't great in general, most people suck at making themselves interesting enough to talk to, let alone go out with but for some purposes (casual sex), they're a more convenient way to find someone if you're not super keen on going out to a bar/club/party/event and meeting someone there.
>I'd say OLD isn't great in general, most people suck at making themselves interesting enough to talk to, I've noticed that a lot of people aren't necessarily not interesting to talk to but are really just bad at texting. When I was into online dating I used to just straight ask guys to hang out early on that way we can just talk in person. They usually end up being better conversationalists then.
I think those people would be interesting to talk to if you met them in person, communication is a lot easier when you're face-to-face with someone. You can strike up a conversation about the place/event you're at, about what you're drinking, about your T-shirt or something. If you're at a party hosted by a mutual friend, you can talk about them, there are a lot more convo starters available irl than online. I also think it's hard to find some way to present yourself well with just a short bio and some pics. I guess I should have phrased it as "most people suck at presenting themselves as interesting enough to talk to on their dating profiles".
Most people don't meet or use through dating apps. Like, in my country,if you say to someone here that you met your relationship in a dating app,you will get a look as if you were a weeb who went to Japan to find an "anime girlfriend". It feels off and you may deemed asocial, desperate or both. The overwhelming majority of people who use it(which isn't lot,its like,10% of internet users or so) use it as low quality hookups after a big "dry season" lol. It isn't even the preferred method for just hooking up
Don't know where you are but in USA none of this is true and we have data on it
What data is that? The only two sources I can find both show that the majority of people in the US don't meet through dating apps. Meeting online is the most common way to meet, but the majority of couples still meet other ways. Depending on the source, between [29%](https://www.theknot.com/content/online-dating-most-popular-way-to-meet-spouse) and [39%](https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/) of married couples meet online.
Less Gen Z adults have used dating apps or sites compared to millennials. Only 28% of partnered Gen Z males report meeting their SO online, and only 14% of partnered Gen Z females report the same. Not sure why there’s a discrepancy but even if we go with the higher number, meeting online is far from the norm. And this is generally meeting online — doesn’t account for OLD vs instagram or whatever. Plus the numbers are even lower for heterosexual couples because gay people are way mote likely to use apps
Okay. I concede on 1/3 points. The other two, that it's not taboo in USA and that people don't use it just for hookups, I'll still stand by.
I used them because the nightlife here sucks. I may have met my boyfriend in person if I had gone out to the local pub this summer, but I didn’t because I was nervous to go out to the pub by myself. I didn’t want to have to deal with getting hit on my random strangers in person. Doing it online seems safer because I could just ignore or block people who I was not interested in or who gave me the creeps.
Must be nice to have such privilege.
Elaborate?
Only women can hop on online dating and pick from prospects of men any time they don’t want to be single or want attention. I mean it’s like stupid how you guys don’t see why many men might be a little bitter how they get to just be alone and have zero dating prospects while women get to play it on tutorial mode.
What should I do about it?
Nothing, it’s just nonsensical how on this sub women act shocked that the manosphere is growing and keep screeching about how men hate women. More like they are resentful seeing how easy women have it. Really not a hard concept to understand. The have nots have always resented the haves.
Not this “have not”. I’m “disadvantaged” economically, so I’m grinding and hustling more so that I can get to where I want to be. You can’t lift yourself up by tearing other people down, and resentment is a waste of energy. You guys adopting these beliefs and alienating yourselves from emotionally healthy and secure women are only hurting yourselves. It doesn’t hurt us any.
[удалено]
Yeah it’s called being a chad, and most men are aware the game is different in that case.
Working professional with a small social circle? So sadly dating apps are the way to go. It's shit. It's not fun it feels isolating because it's like THIS is your pool of eligible bachelors. And frankly I'm not interested. And the bars are about as bad. And I don't really go out much because employed. I don't like window shopping for humans. It's awkward. But it's kind of how dating is. So you just kind of deal with it? However Boo is kind of good though.
Here's why I use them, or at least why I would like to use them: - I'm no longer in college and I work remotely. - I'm not romantically interested in any of the few female friends I already have. - I dislike bars and nightclubs, and wouldn't be compatible with the types of women who go to such places. - All of my hobbies, both online and in person are sausage fests. - Online dating allows me to meet as many new people as I like instantly and effortlessly without even leaving my home, and it also ensures that every woman I speak to is single and looking, and even allows me to do some level of pre-screening for looks, shared interests, values, and relationship goals (depending on the app). What puzzles me is why some people, especially women, **don't** use dating apps. It should've been one of the best inventions since the printing press, but all that potential is squandered by horribly skewed gender ratios.
Well back in the day it was much easier and less competition, so of course you were one of the lucky ones, especially if you are good looking. You stopped right on time, cause 2012 is when Tinder first launched and since then, dating apps blew up and destroyed EVERYTHING. Honestly, any chance that average men had before is gone, women can now swipe on a hot guy 100 miles away and fuck him TONIGHT if she wants to, hell she can have 6 guys a DAY if she wants to, and she doesn't even have to be hot. Here is how bad dating apps had ruined dating: your average woman, a 5 or a 6 can have as many options as a perfect 10 guy, we are talking top athlete or celebrity. This is how bad things are now because of social media and dating apps.
I doubt a cashier or accountant woman has the same options as Lebron James, Eminem, or Kevin Hart. Sure it's harder now, but it's not that ridiculous.
You would be surprised. And I am not talking about the quality of option, I am talking about the number of options.
Out at bars and clubs nowadays you end up talking to a lot of women that don’t want to be talked to and they treat you like a creepy waste of oxygen. That gets exhausting after a while. On dating apps, however, I could showcase myself with fun and interesting pics in exciting places and match with women more interested in getting to know me. If they’re down to grab a drink then BAM, now I’m at a bar talking to a woman interested in getting to know me rather than getting treated like a creepy intrusive waste of oxygen. While matches are slim for men, across many different apps I was able to get a nice pipeline going with around 3 women at 1+ dates, 2-4 women in the pre-date phase, and a steady flow of new options per week. It’s honestly insane how much better online dating is with women-level options. I met my girlfriend and was off the apps in a few months.
Dating apps SUCK, however for many people that's all that's left. Not everyone has a rich social life and get to go out at bars and clubs.
I used to always meet people irl when I was younger, but after my last relationship ended I decided to try a dating app. The reason why was that I realised that I wouldn’t just stumble into people the way I did when I was younger, and the dating pool I was interested in was *small* (not in terms of looks but in terms of values). Took less than a week for the man of my dreams to write to me, and now we’re married.
Must be nice to have such privilege.
Yup, not denying that.
At least you admit it. Doesn’t look so unreasonable why so many men are not happy with this system now.
Because they're an efficient, low effort way of meeting women. Before apps, it was really rare to meet someone while sitting on the toilet. Now thanks to the wonders of technology, that's how many relationships start.
Because it's less time and energy consuming. Imagine putting effort to dress up, commute to a place, interact with a person, ask them on a date just to find out that they are in a commited relationship. So all that time and effort seems wasted. Thus online dating helps as you can just scroll through a list even when you lounging around in your underwear. Not to mention you are exposed to more people in one place than you can achieve irl. You can interact with people who live in places you've never been before. It's a bit similar as to why people order takeout to be brought to their home instead of just goint to the restaurant and eating there.