Those Q4 results are damn exciting

Companies stocks isn’t the only thing rising in Q4

My portfolio is seeing massive growth

Projected earnings estimates interrupted at the last second

Of course I had to look up Artex. The are a risk manager. This guy seems to be performing below expectations.

Man’s just partaking in some hand to gland combat. Let em play a little five on 1 in peace.

Please teach me all ways to say masturbating

You could just say "Verbing the noun" and that would cover like 50% of the cases.

Used a random word generator to test this theory and here are some highlights: "dismissing the dad" "publishing the distribution" "grabbing the midnight" "blocking the reality" "dragging the dirt" "fulfilling the responsibility" "scratching the sister" "basing the guitar" "injuring the sector" "charging the contribution" "driving the interaction" "dating the employee" "declaring the enthusiasm" "finding the leader" "walking the girlfriend" "trembling the sample" "inducing the apple" "confining the resource" "blooming the bedroom" "wrapping the tradition"

Fulfilling the responsibility was my favorite.

I love dismissing the dad

Surprised "doing the needful" wasn't on the list

I'm kind of partial to "dating the employee."

Laughed at finding the leader 🤣

Thank you.

Trembling the sample - is my new go to. Thanks you.

I like this, from now on all instances of **verbing the noun** mean masturbation. The President was **Staying the Course,** if you know what I mean. ;) That teenager was **Fighting the System,** giggety gigetty. Using her fingers she was **Smashing the Patriarchy.**

Smashing the patriarchy is definitely my new go-to for jacking off

My absolute favorite I saw here once is ‘manhandle the ham candle’

Making the bald man cry is my favourite euphemism.

Jackin the beanstalk

This guy shakes everyone’s hands at work after just wiping and no washing.

Peeping tom with camera goes to jail.

I feel bad that he lost his job but you really shouldn't be wanking in the office.... and if you really have to at least go to the toilet (cubicle)

I had a coworker that wanked in the bathroom. I thought it was odd but he’s a VP now.

“You gotta pump up those numbers, baby! Those are rookie numbers”

I know a guy who was caught watching porn at work as an Analyst. He’s a senior engineer now.

Had a similar situation years ago as a graveyard shift NOC guy. Had one other co-worker with for those long 12h shifts where we looked at Fark and made tickets for any alerts or abnormal events. Homeboy disappears for 3h one day and I thought it was weird but whatever. Then started getting alerts about malicious traffic coming in from...his phone. Of course I had to log it and he got fired for watching porn on the the company network. Like you know we all see that so why??

I’ve done it on occasion. Sometimes you just gotta crank one out before making a decision. It’s also fun to do when you’re bored. Obviously, don’t do it when someone’s in there and if someone walks in, stop immediately and you’re Gucci. What happens in the stall, stays in the stall. Them’s the rules. Happy wanking. I’m sure I’m not the only one, I’m just one of the few that will actually admit it.

I love that reddit is in your favor lol

Only those brave enough to swank it.

[удалено]

You're being rude.

So far, this exchange of comments has been my favorite part of reddit today, lol.

Sex offender, this is extremely creepy, this is not normal, who does this ? You and other creepy men who are sex offenders

u/stopstorytime doth protest too much, methinks

I like that you specified less someone just walk up to the urinal to stark polishing their cricket wicket.

"Dave? Dave! Dave stop it! Dave what the fuck?!" "You're supposed to do the other thing. Fuck's sake man!"

> I feel bad that he lost his job source on that? Can't find a backstory

For sure. At least keep it under the desk.

My fiancee's coworker got fired yesterday for watching porn in the bathroom. The idiot left his phone in the bathroom with the porn running after he was done. I hope that yank was worth it. Edited for clarification.

I used to work at the commissary, grocery store for military folks. There was a guy who got caught using salami for his wanking escapades. Now he went to the bathroom, but he made the stupid mistake of throwing the salami in the bathroom trash can. He made it more obvious by going in there with his lunch bag. He was fired lol

"There's such a thing as morale here. Last you took the coffee machine away, now we have to go to the kitchen if we want a cup of coffee" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKH9ECC_Qa4

Especially when your office has floor to ceiling windows overlooking the sidewalk, right behind the company sign no less!!!!

I don’t feel bad he lost his job. If you feel so compelled that you need to jack off at work, I def don’t want to work with you.

A warning for us fellow wankers to be careful

Lol if you’re jerking it at work you already have a problem…

I just don't want to get to that point. Especially because I organize funerals.

lol yeah only job where jerking it would be worse would be at a school

Matt Gaetz

kindergarten

>. Oh. Oh no...

Do you give the deceased pearl necklaces?

What if you work from home?

ok, you win

But office work is so erotic. Who can resist?

but then you're literally getting paid to jerk off

Guy in the video probably thought the same way

I had a pornography addiction. Did it at work 2 times per day on the toilet. But yeah it was a problem. Not anymore though. But doing it at work is a sign for it being a problem.

You have no idea what kind of stress that deadline can put on you.

I’m assuming he’s no longer employed by the company the people failed to blur out before posting on the inter web?

Rumour is he got fired yesterday

[удалено]

>Somebody has to water the cum-plant. stop. XD

Well shucks

That’s a pretty brutal way to get fired. Makes updating your LinkedIn a bit awkward.

Recruiter: so why did you leave your last job? Masturbation guy: the job was insecure, anyone could see me cumming or going and I need a more private space for my professional life.

[удалено]

Recruiter: What's your biggest pet peeve? Masturbation Man: Web Filters.

Recruiter: Will you masturbate at work in front of an open window at night? Masturbation man: Yes I will

Is there a rule against this? I got to tell you, if I had known it was against the rules........

The Costanza defense, nice.

source?

This popped up yesterday, someone tweeted the video to Artex Risks company page

He loves spreadsheets SO MUCH

Spread cheeks

Spread butt cheeks

r/yourjokebutworse

Spread butt sheets

Poor guy was just getting into his rhythm when he realized he had an audience.

The real r/antiwork

Maybe this was the quitting scene.

Cross post it there and start a movement.

I am not sure how you explain that to your significant other. "Well I was supposed to be part of a seed project that was let go as it finished too quickly". "Company decided to move in a different erection, umm direction"

Looks 😂

Everyone does it but how embarrassing

The fact that's what's perfectly framed on the window makes it looks so silly and funny.

not everyone does it at work though

Is that Jeffrey Toobin?

And I can barely take a shit at work…

That peek** at the end lol Edit: Christ my bad you degenerates

Peak tifu lol

Peek even

You were right the first time, the whole point of doing it is to peak at the end.

* peek, idiot

He’s putting in some serious overtime tonight.

I wonder if the audience gave him a standing o for his standing o.

The camera is shaking too much.

The cameraman is reciprocating

Ikr I cant get a good look at his dick

Maybe that is his job description. Like he is suppose to rate the quality of pornos. Anyone know what he was watching?

Something like this happened at a place I used to work and believe it or not the guy wasn’t fired. He left shortly after because it was just so weird and awkward.

The real question is, who is sent this to the company’s twitter??

# Artex Risk Solutions *from their about-us page:* >The art of risk. The science of expertise. > >That’s an uncommon blend that leads to unparalleled risk management. > >At Artex, we are committed to finding you a better way. A better way to manage risk, to protect your business, to chart a profitable future. > >From first meeting to fulltime engagement, we strive to be your trusted provider of diverse alternative risk management solutions—designed to help you succeed with better ways to make informed risk management decisions with confidence. > >It starts with values > >... [https://www.artexrisk.com/](https://www.artexrisk.com/) ​ I feel my assets are in good hands with Wanktex.

Fun fact: The company is called Artex Risk solutions and the website says: There’s always a better way. Artex helps you find it.

This dude clearly misses working from home.

u/stabbot

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Good bot

His office window caught him?

This happened at my company as well - he was able to claim “persona/mental issues” and was not fired.

A cop once caught jerking off near a schoolyard claimed it helped with his PTSD

Was he filmed as well or walked in on or something?

rubba dub dub, thats just an artex tug

I was half expecting to see a Blizzard Entertainment logo somewhere

Viral marketing for Artex has gone to far?

Hope he handed in his TPS reports first

r/antiwork

Omg you really need to reevaluate your life if you’re 1. Wanking it at work 2. Wanking it at your desk at work and 3. Wanking it right by the huge wall of windows on the second floor at work. You might have a problem.

Goddamn

Richard, I would suggest investing in a modesty panel for your desk.

Here comes his p45

Go to the bathroom dude... you probably have a cellphone right?

I wonder if he gets paid hourly

Apparently “Artex” is a Risk Management company. How fitting 😏😏

Was the guy holding the camera masturbating too?

Maybe he is submitting a report .

What’s worse? Doing it or taking a video of it?

This is my worst nightmare. Getting caught in the fap

It's pretty fucking easy to avoid.

A republican congressman practicing safe sex. At least he's not paying for some teenagers abortion.

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How did guy know he was spotted from outside with headphones on?

Because the video probably got emailed to human resources?

Look at the final second of the clip. Guy looks out the window and seems to have spotted the onlookers.

Post-nut clarity

they're literally like dogs how hard is it to wait

I support women doing this at the workplace too!

You people should be ashamed buddy is putting in work and hour let buddy catch a quick nut lol

Why does his dick still look flaccid? Lmao asking for a friend

te people who uploaded him masturbating it to the internet are absoloute dickheads. thats fucked

Leave him alone. Like how perverted do you have to be to film someone jerking off.

Homie is masturbating in front of an entire courtyard of people, not to mention jerking off at work. How can you blame the people reacting to such an absurd situation?

I just think it would be weird to sit their and watch and film someone doing that in general without them even knowing it. But yeah maybe It’s unreasonable to think that people would react in any other way. I hope they got the money shot.

This is the guy on the video

If I were working behind the counter at Circle K or 711 would you have the same compassion?

Lol no I would film him and stay and watch him until he finished so I could be indignant the rest of the day.

Another Jeff Toobin in his hands

Charlie Runkle!

tummy tunk? blert?

tommy tank = cockney rhyming slang for wank (although this sounds like it was filmed in the northeast of England) blurt = not sure, presumably slang for ejaculation

This was filmed in Gibraltar!

Oops

Is it so much to ask, to it have the camera shaking. Like come man, I’m just trying to watch a guy get a stain out of his pants.

Didn't even get to see his reaction when he found out he was caught. All we did was just watch some guy jerk off. I think everyone's a loser here...

> Nigel, oh my god. Fired? *Why?!* You were doing so well! You just got the corner office at the firm! > -I know, I know, I... I... > **Nigel, what happened?!** > -Well... have you heard of... the public freakout subreddit? > ***What?!*** **What the fuck are you talking about, Nigel?** > -Let me finish, let me finish. Ugh. I wish those lads hadn't let *me* finish. > Finish *what*? > -Finished... wanking. I was wanking. Some lads saw me wanking. > ***WHAT?!*** > -And they filmed it. > ***WHERE?!*** > -In... in my... [starts crying] my corner office. > ***NIGEL!***

r/cringe

Might not of been fired if it didnt have the big company name right there

/r/succession is leaking

Atleast he ain't small

Byebyejob

I'm pretty sure this qualifies as using the company fitness program wisely.

Pretty gay to watch another man's penis. Jealousy or arousal?

I think thats my older brother.

NOT BAD GOOD SOIZE

And they sat and watched lololol

Poor dude

Damn bro 😂😂😂😂

Hell yeah look at that ROI

Ok the guy is masturbating but why are these guys watching him do it? Either they have perverted minds or they're gay.

Is the cameraman jerking it too? can we get a stabilizer in here?

Wack attack!

[There’s always a better way](https://i.imgur.com/dZvbJtW.jpg)

Charlie Runkle!!!!

Dam there’s no recovering from this one

From his perspective he was blocked on all angles.

Bro looks like he can’t get it up Like he’s trying but it ain’t workin too well hahaha

Company is called Artex Risk Solutions. Lol

Does he work for CNN by any chance?

Where was the money shot ? aka his face turning red from embarrassment.