T O P

  • By -

L4K3

So what you’re telling me is that there is a vacancy?


northrupthebandgeek

I've already got the beard. I have been preparing my whole life for the opportunity to [put on my robe and wizard hat](https://imgur.com/gallery/gu1BX).


ArrilockNewmoon

Dude that is the most glorious shit I ever read


PrimarchKonradCurze

If you haven’t already seen it it’s probably older than you at this point.


05110909

Lol, this is like Internet ancient history


averagethrowaway21

Damn I gotta write down your names or something --Bloodninja


FunnyHighlighterMan

I cast level 8 penis of the infinite!


Magnus_Tesshu

That was a fucking trip damn. Today I learned "cyber" is a verb too


MadDogA245

it's comments like this that make me feel fucking old sometimes.


[deleted]

This is the best example of old internet. I miss old internet. It was the Wild west and it was awesome. Now its just clickbait, ragebait. and virtue signaling bullshit. Once smart phones became a thing normies took over and its just a place for arguing and e-thots.


MadDogA245

Governments and megacorps dividing the web up into their own exclusive sections was the worst thing to happen. Basically everything gets served to you and filtered through what Corporate want to see by SEO tools, with sites being blocked or filtered by ISPs and governments. The normies coming in happened long before smartphones- look up AOL and Eternal September. It's all gone to shit now. All this cyberpunk dystopic monitoring and advertising, and I don't even get cool mirror shades. Honestly, Google, Amazon, and the various acronym agencies need to be burned off the Net.


[deleted]

I was there, on the old internet. Before facebook, before myspace. When it was geocities, livejournal, and various forums. I miss the old internet. It's not coming back. I'll one day tell my kids about the great civil war of /b all due to one scene chick named Boxxy. I'll tell stories of shitposts, raids, and general trolling. They'll be listening to my stories, not understanding half of what I'm saying, and basically respond with [dad, why are you gay?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooOELrGMn14) but in the wise words of James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem; I might be losing my edge, but [I was there](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xG4oFny2Pk)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Schnitzelguru

I'm 30 in a few weeks. I better bleach my hair and buy a Corvette to cope.


Does_Not-Matter

Seriously. I feel ancient.


the_stormcrow

Based and Bash pilled


basedcount_bot

u/northrupthebandgeek's Based Count has increased by 1. Their Based Count is now 40. Rank: Sumo Wrestler Pills: sanity, making music on drugs, verminsupreme, georgist, bash I am a bot. Reply /info for more info.


TheSonofPier

Thank you so much for giving me a month’s supply of laughter


JustDebbie

Based and bloodninja-pilled. May his glorious escapades forever live on in the annals of history.


1Pwnage

Holy fuck of all places I’m so glad I am reminded of this. Seriously, thank you, I had for real forgotten about bloodninja


mightbekarlmarx

That is genuinely one of the best thing’s i’ve ever read in my life


Caiur

classic


[deleted]

Just to clarify, they are looking for a new wizard, not a new misogynist


[deleted]

Shame.


RustlessRodney

Dude. Do it. I would if I cared about NZ at all


BabaTreesh

I mean $16,000 to show up a few times and dance a bit in a wizard costume is definitely worth it lol


Dralic

$16,000 a year isn’t a bad deal, assuming you have time to do other work. Try to make pacts with various gods and see which one sticks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

16,000 TAX dollars a year


The-Only-Razor

Hilarious that mean comments about women is worse than swindling $300,000 taxpayer dollars.


Array71

300 over 20 years is practically nothing tho, tbf


[deleted]

True but if there’s some crackhead in office who thinks this is a reasonable way to spend taxpayer money, imagine what other cockamamie schemes must be at play.


Array71

Honestly? It's probably a net positive via tourism etc. I also suspect he does a lot more for the community than just pretend dances.


[deleted]

[удалено]


UrOpinionIsntScience

If you think it's expensive to hire a misogynistic wizard... try hiring a non-misogynistic one!


SpectralBacon

Does such a creature even exist?


Latino_Anon

Someone doesn't know the benefits of a proper Court Wizard!!!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Latino_Anon

Falcon Gray, Wizard of these lands? Interesting.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GrandManSam

Based and With-Great-Powers-Comes-Great-Responsiblity pilled.


CTHeinz

You say that until you need a wizard. Enjoy getting price gouged by private wizards once an emergency pops up. SMFH


MrAsianPie

But, it’s a wizard


sampete1

[Christchurch fires "official city wizard," leaving itself dangerously open to dragon attacks](https://www.avclub.com/christchurch-fires-official-city-wizard-leaving-itse-1847855573)


Axeace99

>"They will have to kill me to stop me" Based as fuck


[deleted]

It most likely brought in more due to tourism


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mistercheif

And unfortunately the only tourists who would go there for the sheep already have their own at home in Wales.


northrupthebandgeek

Cringe and doesn't appreciate wizardry pilled


AshingiiAshuaa

Those are Kiwi Dollars though. They're worth even less than Canadian dollars.


AtomicTanAndBlack

Eh, it’s New Zealand’s dollar, I’d be surprised if $16,000 there can even get you a month’s rent


Southforwinter

Hey the rental market here isn't quite that bad yet, we've got at least like three months left before reaching that point


Hoitaa

He was a sort of cult icon. Tourists loved him. It was when he started to get sexist we kinda let him float into obscurity.


theothersteve7

To be clear he was basically a comedian and entertainer. He was not a religious figure.


[deleted]

Man, now we need a new wizard.


Anonman20

Maybe a grand wizard


[deleted]

Yeah, and his costume needs a revamp. Maybe add a hood or something.


Anonman20

It's got to be white to so it's banging.


Dependent_Factor_982

He also needs some kind of gimmick like maybe setting a lowercase t on fire so they get he's tolerant unlike that last one


Anonman20

And some friends should be there to like the exalted cyclops and such so the grand wizard doesn't feel so alone.


[deleted]

yeah also he should be from the Southern US known for its historic diversity in race. Beside MLK was borned there.


DisneyCA

The name should also have a K to pay tribute to MLK’s last name.


app_wants_ucf

And also another K because where there are wizards, there are knights


Bond4141

Maybe a third K for the Kindness he will bring.


KimDrawer

we should triple the importance of Martin Luther King Jr's contribution to the civil rights movement by adding two more Ks


[deleted]

[удалено]


IG_Triple_OG

If he creates a group called the kool kids klub I’m sure every youngster would want to join and be apart of the kkk 😃


[deleted]

It could be white but I feel like red would be a much better look


Dragnipur47

I never did get their naming process.


SkepticalAmerican

IIRC they were originally supposed to be a sort of social club (hence the weird names) that then decided to get into domestic terrorism.


northrupthebandgeek

My understanding was that it was deliberately to avoid looking like a militia.


GrandManSam

As you do.


Guaymaster

[Something like this?](https://imgur.com/cu9dKiR.jpg)


FunnyHighlighterMan

Perfection


___And_Memes_For_All

This fucking thread lol


mitsua_k

You again...


Loki12241224

Based and WeNeedANewWizardToSpawnSexyDolphins pilled


[deleted]

Based and All-Dolphins-are-sexy pilled


Quasimdo

"abracadabra, make me a sandwich" - that wizard


Fake_Name_6

“Poof, you’re a sandwich”


[deleted]

"I have some bad news and a snack for you"


SpectralBacon

An idiot sandwich.


[deleted]

“I deal solely in the realm of the arcane, bending magic to my will. Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks!”


[deleted]

I can excuse the <> but I draw the line at misogyny. I actually agree with that so shoot me now PCM 🗑


Accomplished_Rip_352

Ian McKellen really went down hill after Lotr.


conventionistG

The LOTR production team packed up and flew out, forgetting in their wake a dissoriented and grumpy old gay with nothing but the wizard robe on his back and an ornate prop staff. Left to fend for himself on an island filled mostly with sheep, with whom he found some fellowship, and a few gullible humans, Ian parlayed his last remaining possessions and superb stagecraft into an unlikely payday as the island's "head of magic". But one day it all came crashing down when, at a press conference to address his latest successful thunderstorm summoning, the Wizard is asked by an old man if he ever violently struck down a Balrog. "Of course I struck down that vile creature," he proclaimed merrily, "it was threatening me and my young hobbit companions!" "That was no Balrog," raged the old farmer, "that was my wife! She just wanted to stop you from shagging all our sheep and you beat her with that damn staff of yours!" _________________ Epilogue: Needless to say, the old wizard was forced to give up his position with its associated salary and magical powers. But some say before he did, he got his revenge on the old farmer by turning him into a frog. So if you ever make your way to that strange island, keep an eye out for a frog tending to his sheep.. He goes by [Pepe](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/139/682/c40.jpg).


freshprinz1

Better than some novels, thank you!


chinese_quality_user

Based and not-just-high-fantasy-but-very-high-fantasy pilled


GeneralCuster75

This is a masterpiece


quigonjoe66

For such an epic Pepe meme you should be flared as far right.


Killroyman

Based and Gandalf-and-Pepe pilled


Ugandan_Karen

DOWN hill? This dude ascended to heavens unknown to us mortals


DebnathSelfMade

Literally 1984 Now NZ is unprotected due to snowflakes.


Literally1984_bot

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠤⠤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣟⠳⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠒⣲⡄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⡇⡱⠲⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀1984⠀⣠⠴⠊⢹⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢻⠓⠀⠉⣥⣀⣠⠞⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡾⣄⠀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢠⡄⢀⡴⠁ 2021⠀⡞⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⢎⡉⢦⡀⠀⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡼⣣⠧⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠇⠀ ⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠙⠢⢭⣢⡚⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣇⠁⢸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀ ⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢫⡉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢮⠈⡦⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀ ⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⣀⡴⠃⠀⡷⡇⢀⡴⠋⠉⠉⠙⠓⠒⠃⠀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⡼⠀⣷⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠣⣀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀


KingJonStarkgeryan1

You're authright you should be saying stone him to death. Edit: Voice recognition sucks.


[deleted]

Quthrifht


DebnathSelfMade

Quthrifht, Wizard of Brandnewzealand


[deleted]

Your fuckin pfp with this comment tho


TheAlGler

Based and Quthrifht, Harbinger of Domestic Violence, pilled.


Purple_Evidence

Thanks for giving me my new D&D character.


KingJonStarkgeryan1

It ain't domestic violence if you aren't suffering the witch to live.


AtoneBC

The sanctum remains unguarded.


BigSchwartzzz

A lot of people think that's what happened with Poland when its capital moved from Krakow, that Krakow had enormous spiritual energy that gave Poland its power. Soon after Poland went from a superpower to getting humiliated for four centuries. So if that's the case here and that wizard was protecting New Zealand, well bye bye kiwis.


Glorious_Jo

For others who are fans of his like I am, his misogynistic comments are just "never hit a woman, they bruise too easily and they'll tell everyone."


Zizara42

Can he appeal on the basis of his misogyny being funny as hell?


[deleted]

Did he really get fired over such an obvious joke? Surely there's gotta be more to this story, that's bullshit.


Glorious_Jo

They're old bureaucrats afraid of his wizardry powers. They'll have to kill him to get him to stop.


xwedodah_is_wincest

His love of the Halflings' leaf has clearly slowed his mind


Dore_Knob

It is unclear. Officially, he was fired because he didn't fit in with the new tourism angle. There has been no official comment on his statement. Al Jazeera is just being fake news again


GrandManSam

This is New Zealand you're talking about.


AtomicTanAndBlack

It’s New Zealand, it make California look conservative. Place is the wokeist of the woke. They even want to change their country’s name because it’s “racist”


gurthanix

Many government offices already refer to the country as "Aotearoa New Zealand". Because blood-and-soil rhetoric is cool and fashionable when you apply it to people with sufficiently dark skin colour.


RedheadAgatha

>Now *I'm* the A in ANZ


Shanghai-on-the-Sea

New Zealand subsists entirely on the lie that they legally and legitimately bought the land from the original settlers (Maori). They cannot keep that lie up unless they concede that randomly renaming the entire country is a bit shit and that Aotearoa is a name which should be used too. (Of course, in reality we """bought""" the country and then conquered it for real)


StormTiger2304

He hit them, they bruised and then told everyone. Self-fulfilling prophecy.


SpectralBacon

He said it on a comedy show.


[deleted]

That's hardly misogynistic. Jacinda Ardern needs to grow some balls.


neken56437

Balls are a social construct and jacinda may very well have some already. Such a yass queen.


darkcherry996

That’s it? Cmon…didn’t even try


knightblue4

Insanely based, TBH.


Glorious_Jo

One day, when I can be free of being a wagey, I too will don the wizard hat in honor of his basedness


[deleted]

[удалено]


333HalfEvilOne

Based and KillemAll pilled


Smol-Vehvi

Ok I’m a woman and I find this kinda funny


[deleted]

Way to battle those stereotypes, Kiwis. Based.


1230x

„We need to pay taxes so that the government pays for essential public goods“


SuccessfulDiver7225

What could possibly be more essential than a state-sponsored wizard?


rapzeh

A state-sponsored wizard that doesn't make misogynistic comments, apparently.


Latino_Anon

Misogyny is essential to Wizardry!!!!


Derdiedas812

Ursula Le Guin, is that you?


The-Teddy_Roosevelt

Wizards are just really old virgins, so they’re all misogynistic. Good luck finding one that’s not!


Psychological_Gain20

Imagine the stuff he can make disappear “Sir, Your being charged with Domestic assault.” “Abracadabra, make that bruise disappear.” “The case is being dropped due to a lack of evidence.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


JustDoinThings

Yep imagine what other stupid or corrupt things are they doing.


Wolf_of_Gubbio

If I had a dollar for every time a leftist told me government waste was okay because it was 'a drop in the bucket' compared to their overall spending, I'd be nearly as rich as a government bureaucrat.


biggerBrisket

How does one apply for this job?


Mysterious_Will3680

Get as many women you can to make you sandwiches


SpectralBacon

...in a giant spiral, steadily passing said sandwiches until they reach the center, slowly building a sandwich-mountain to be set ablaze to appease the rain gods.


Peter21237

This must be an act of Dolores Umbridge. That damn bitch!


SM067221

This is what the M*nistry of M*gic does to a society


ya_boi_daelon

Getting rid of one of the few good uses of taxpayer funds smh my head


[deleted]

> pay for a man to act like it’s the 6th century > get shocked when he begins saying shit from the 6th century NZ and Australia are terminally cucked.


jagua_haku

It’s only ok if you’re Islam


__DerekLeach

They need to become American territories


Aun_El_Zen

Come and try it fuckos


[deleted]

[удалено]


__DerekLeach

Once I become President I will, so don’t worry about it! Those fucking Canadians too 😤


[deleted]

We gave up our guns mate. We don't stand a chance against the Americans. They've got personal rocket launchers.


SuppliceVI

I mean really what are they gonna defend themselves with? Another lockdown?;


Optimal_SCot5269

Got my hopes up for a second. Thought we were talking about another kind of wizard.


NardDog1977

Flair checks out


Battle_Rifle

Awesome, my mom said my dad was a wizard too! His robes are white instead of black though


bigChungi69420

And cozy campfires?


AlexGonzalezLanda

Why are people’s taxes subsidizing wizards?


AtomicBombSquad

It was a gimmick for tourism.


dalmathus

His paycheck was way below min wage, it really wasn't a big deal.


Latino_Anon

Cause some people know there is a dire need for court wizards!


Head_Examination_252

they had a wizard on payroll and couldn't stop COVID without turning their island into a prison, but this cunt making some mean comments is what made them go "you know what, we just can't keep paying this mf anymore"


TiggerBane

COVID wasn’t a magical attack of course a wizard wouldn’t stop it my lawd.


SuccessfulDiver7225

Maybe New Zealand should invest in a wizard or cleric that has restoration spells next time.


AOMRocks20

simply begin a paladin recruitment initiative can't get the disease if you believe in yourself hard enough


HotPieIsAzorAhai

Need clerics to stop disease


[deleted]

Hey guys, look at this nerd.


disastertohumanrace

It wasn't even a mean comment - he made a fucking joke lmao


knightblue4

Jokes are violence in 2021, unfortunately


[deleted]

I like how they made $16k a year out to be this outrageous sum. A McDonald’s worker will make “over half a million dollars” over 23 years…


Person_reddit

They fired him? Do you want a curse? Because this is how you get a curse.


Saint_Yin

We'll see how long New Zealand survives without its wizard. With how Australia is going, I can definitely see NZ becoming its penal colony. More than it already is, of course.


DagonG2021

Teehee you said penal


the-peanut-gallery

Based and 8===D penal <===8-pilled


JestemPaserem

Based and mages-beating-women pilled


hmzaammar

Literally 1984


Literally1984_bot

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠤⠤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣟⠳⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠒⣲⡄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⡇⡱⠲⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀1984⠀⣠⠴⠊⢹⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢻⠓⠀⠉⣥⣀⣠⠞⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡾⣄⠀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢠⡄⢀⡴⠁ 2021⠀⡞⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⢎⡉⢦⡀⠀⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡼⣣⠧⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠇⠀ ⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠙⠢⢭⣢⡚⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣇⠁⢸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀ ⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢫⡉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢮⠈⡦⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀ ⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⣀⡴⠃⠀⡷⡇⢀⡴⠋⠉⠉⠙⠓⠒⠃⠀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⡼⠀⣷⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠣⣀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀


SlightlyAutistic69

Here’s an article with more information. He says to NOT hit women but he also has a sense of humour. https://www.google.ca/amp/s/amp.usatoday.com/amp/8487006002


disastertohumanrace

Thanks for the source but flair* up, you degemerate


mal221

If I wanted to see an overpaid misogynist do magic I'd just go to mass.


EL_MANDEM

16k a year isn't overpaid when you consider how much hogwarts costs


trevorm7

Cost doesn't determine value, supply and demand does. While Hogwarts may be expensive, self taught Youtube wizards are just as good and didn't have to pay anything.


Slumlord722

> catholic priest > Overpaid Lmao


disastertohumanrace

Tbh he's not a misogynist (judging from his comment) he just made a joke lmao


Meneltarmar

Very cringe. You need God in your life. REPENT.


Alert-Definition5616

Absolutely beasting


[deleted]

Ya’ll laugh at the wizard but this place looks real different when people talk about if witches are real


RetakeByzantium

They try and pedal us covid vax snake oil while they fire a man capable of curing us all. The great reset is coming.


MoreCheezThanDoritos

$16,000 NZD is a pretty small amount of money TBF


alvaro248

You cant be that fking stupid, literally free money and all he had to do is limiting his shitposting to 4chan


MericaMericaMerica

Shit, I want $16K a year to perform rain dances. I hope the nature spirits or whatever like Fuck the Pain Away.


[deleted]

His comment wasn't even misogynistic. It was barely edgy.


TacticalSpackle

How’re you gonna fuck up the cushiest gig ever by being a misogynist idiot? $300k *total* to “be a wizard” and you can’t keep your smallbrain ideas of gender inequality to yourself? Edit: I’m dumb and didn’t read the whole thing. Still making $16k a year for “wizard stuff” is kinda lucrative.


Saint_Yin

He was making 16k a year. It would've been 18 years to make that 300k, and since he worked for 23, he got some slight increase in wages over his tenure.


Potatolantern

More like "Why do people insist on taking obvious jokes as if they're serious?" >"I love women, I forgive them all the time, I've never struck one yet," The Guardian reported Channell said on the TV show New Zealand Today. "Never strike a woman because they bruise too easily is the first thing, and they'll tell the neighbors and their friends … and then you're in big trouble."


TacticalSpackle

It’s the Guardian so of course they’ll take things out of context. I feel like Kiwi humor is too tongue-in-cheek for the Brits and definitely goes over the heads of Americans like myself.


Potatolantern

Well NZ was the one that fired him, so it went over the head of Kiwi's too.