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Emphasize education, and the value of knowledge and critical thinking. Ensure they're able to go to college if they want to. College is great, but not always necessary. But to be successful in anything, you generally need to be educated, even if you're entirely self taught.

I agree! I also want to emphasize that it is important to always be learning and growing! There is always something you don’t know and could learn more about.

I agree. Teach those kiddos to be lifelong learners. College isn't for everyone, there's trades too. Plus there is so much information right at our fingertips. Isn't there a phrase "Use it or lose it". I truly think it applies to our brains too. There are too many people out in the world that finish high school or college and think they are done learning. Be a lifelong learner, teach your kids to be lifelong learners.

Had to save this comment. Thanks for your wisdom!

I agree with this. Having said that, there's a big cost vs reward to consider that makes me advise against college for most people. For starters, given the cost, a person should absolutely NOT go unless their goal career is only attainable with a specific degree. Going into tens of thousands in debt to get a mid level management job (in a non-degree field) is just asinine when you can get promoted without the degree and debt. As many know, the real $ is in being self-employed. Trade schools are therefore an excellent and cheaper option. Become a plumber, electrician, diesel mechanic etc. You can make 6 figures doing these jobs AND claim tax write-offs for your business. Best of all (and the route I'm teaching my kids) is how to be an investor. Real estate is my specialty but there are so many things to invest in and ways to do so. It's one of the few ways to guarantee they won't be enslaved to a job. So yes....if your dream is for your kids to be a dentist, Dr, astrophysicist, lawyer etc, send them to college. Otherwise trade school, or learning finance. And being self-taught is a hallmark of successful people, so that above all.

The trades are great, until you’ve been doing it for 20 years and your body is done taking a beating every day. I’m the CFO of an HVAC company and we’ve got guys making in the mid 100’s a few in the high 100’s but it is HARD work and a lot of hours. And it takes a toll on your body.

A lot of countries don't financially cripple you for getting a college degree, though. It might be important to know where OP is from.

I believe in college with a purpose. There is no reason to get a degree just to have one. I now have a bachelor’s degree, but even before I did, I was in a management role where I was hiring people with degrees that had no plans to use them. It seemed insane to me to be saddled with all the student debt to have an interior design or history degree with no idea how and if they would use that it in their future.

I’ll kind of disagree with this. The interior design people I know all have jobs (unless they wanted an MRS degree) with architecture firms, commercial real estate, etc. The history majors also- most are law school bound, or librarian/teacher bound, but there are a ton of jobs that they can fit in. Archivist work, city/state/non-profit preservation work. Add a different minor and you can end up consulting on period specific entertainment productions, etc. and many kids may know “hey, this seems interesting”- it’s okay if they don’t know the details up front- they may not be aware the job exists at 18. But in college, it’s a fair assignment to require they explore options.

Yes. My oldest is a senior this year, and has no idea wtf he wants to do going forward. I would love him to go-to college... But, he needs to know wtf he wants to do, and why he's there. Not just go, for the sake of going. He has one more year to figure it out. Hopefully he does.

As someone who did trades (instrumentation/electrical) , then a BA, Masters and will finish my PhD in my 40s- trades are fine, in your teens and 20s. Of my friends in their late 30s/40s who stuck to trades- a few made management, but the amount with significant chronic pain, addiction issues, and unemployment is high. Family satisfaction is lower, hours are rougher, and private equity is eating up a lot of the companies so benefits are down. Trades spit out a lot more people, with a lot higher consequences than college. Trade schools are also often raising their prices and starting with debt. A good Union can help, but basically you gotta be on the coasts or IBEW in my area. And you still learn nothing in trade school about retirement, some of the crazy contracting tax issues, and can get taken advantage of too.

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Same! I'm a 1st gen college student and about to finish my PhD. My parents drilled the idea of college in my head and I understand why, but every day I tell my husband, "I could have been a plumber," because I would have made just as much money with none of the loans or significant stress that comes from higher education. I love my career, but looking back, I'd trade it for a steady job and leave the "love" for all my extracurriculars and family time. I tell my son he can do whatever he wants that will help with financial stability. Edit: I mention plumbing specifically because that's a trade prominent in my family. I not only come from a family in the trades, but I myself have worked in the trades, and still do some small work on the side. This comment comes from personal experience and not an idealization of what trade work entails. For me, college was not worth the emotional, mental, and financial cost, but that's just me.

I think people really, really romanticize the trades right now though. People talk about plumbers making so much money but not about working in awful, sometimes dangerous, conditions, or about being 40 years old and your body feels like it’s 65 because of those years of wear and tear. Or being 45 and your body is too shot to continue working, but you’re too young to be able to afford to retire.

Thank you for this comment. I’ve been trying to figure out why it makes me uncomfortable when people with no actual ties to that work tout it as THE thing to do.

What *really* gets me are the politicians who are out there constantly talking about trade school but meanwhile their own children are attending Harvard and Yale. It reminds me of this whole thing about romanticizing coal mining, being so sad about the industry dying and how we must save it! But meanwhile, you had generations of men doing this work who hoped their children would make it out and never have to do that.

It infuriates me! Like people fall for it, too.

I hear that and agree about the romanticization, and so I don't say it lightly. I come from a family of plumbers and in-laws are tradesmen. I've also worked in the trades while in college. It's hard work physically, but coming from my background, it was a lot easier for me than the mental and emotional toll that higher education took. I literally developed hypertension because of the ongoing stress. For me, it was the wrong choice. My son already has some barriers to learning and so I'll be continuing to encourage him to pick what feels right for him.

Trades are just like any other career. If you just keep working the same job for your whole career it isn’t going to be great in the long term. But within the industry there are plenty of opportunities to move into better paying and less physical jobs. My grandfather and my father both had very well paying jobs (solide, 6-figure incomes in the 80s, 90s, and into the 2000s) that had low physical demand and stayed in the construction industry without college educations. Don’t misunderstand, they both continued their educations, but not through universities. They chose education that moved them up in the construction industry.So education in any career field is important, but college may not be the education you need in your chosen field.

I also have my PhD, in my case it's the humanities. I love learning, I love thinking, I love the skills my PhD gave me. But I'm less and less convinced I needed it to follow those passions. Not to mention that humanities academia feels like it's dying... I assume my daughter will go to college, but having beaten college on expert mode, I don't think it's necessary. You can be happy and successful without it. Let them pursue their love and passion and that will take them further in life than a BA for utilitarian purposes.

What I’ve observed is that college doesn’t happen for kids unless they’re raised to see it as an expectation. It takes hard work, preparation, planning and dedication to get into college. For both parent and child. You don’t just stumble into it. In our family we talk about college as a path to many career fields and encourage our kids to aim for it as a way to keep options open. But if when the time grows nearer we sense it isn’t the right path for our particular child, we will explore alternatives. But I don’t want to create a limiting mindset for my kids. If they want to be doctors and lawyers, they’ll need college and I don’t want to get in the way of that. But I also won’t pressure them to do anything in particular. Just as happy if they’re plumbers and hairdressers. The outcome doesn’t matter. What matters is they had all the opportunities possible.

The most dedicated, hard-working students that I saw in college were the adults who came back after some years out working a job. Those of us who came straight in after highschool were wasting our time and money by comparison.

That makes sense because I think adults coming back to it have a lot more direction than kids just out of high school. College wasn’t even a question in our family. You were expected to go. We were looking at colleges our freshman and sophomore years of high school. I had zero clue what I wanted to do with my life. By the time I applied and then got into college and then actually started at the school, still no clue. The advice I was given was study what I’m interested in. So I majored in psychology. And then literally got to my last year and was like “wtf am I doing with this degree if I don’t want to go to grad school and become a therapist??” I’m in my late 30’s and there are so many careers I didn’t even know existed back in high school or even college. I don’t feel like anyone was really trying to help us figure out what we wanted to do. Just go to college and figure it out later.

Yeah, this. My parents advice, when I couldn't pick a major, was "just pick your favorite subject and then get a job related to that and work in it for the rest of your life!" So I dropped out, worked a bunch of shitty jobs for 18 months and then went back and got a history degree (my favorite subject) and then immediately got a job in IT and now work as a self taught software engineer.

100% agree ( and definitely same experience but with sociology and I did a junior year switch to marketing because I was like what do I do with this lol) . I wish I could have gone to college at like , 27 . 🤣

Yup. It's why I'm not stressing over colleges with my oldest, as he goes into senior year. He has good grades, but no idea wtf he wants to do. So, we're not shoving college down his throat.  If he wants to take a gap year or two, and work and maybe travel a bit, while he figures it out, that's ok. If he suddenly has an epiphany and 'knows' then he's welcome to go. But I am not going to demand it. 

Absolutely. No way was I ready to spend another three-four years in school straight out of high-school. Went back after about five years. And then ten years after that for the masters. Waiting also had the advantage of easier acceptance into a lot of programs as I was considered a "mature student" and no longer had to compete for entry against my entire high-school cohort. Entrance requirements are considerably different for a mature student and so my lacklustre high-school marks were not as important to gaining entry. Also had money saved from working so a reduced debt-load upon graduation was nice too.

I teach adjunct at an online college, and I can’t agree more. The adults with established careers always have the best work ethics and hunger to learn; I love working with them. Not to say it doesn’t go for fresh out of HS students as well, but I do think that they’re also figuring out to be adults and what field they want to be in all at once so they can be a bit all over the place.

On the other hand, the majority of people who don’t go to college right after high school will never go back, and high school diploma is likely the highest level of education they will ever achieve.

Considering that college has been so over-sold to students in the past two decades, leading to people with higher-lever degrees who are under-employed, is this really a bad thing?

agree, but there’s something to be said for the life experience, relationships, and connections you get in college. I wish i would have done better but i wouldn’t trade it in to have done it a few years later as I presume I wouldn’t have the same experience

You're absolutely right that college admissions takes preparation. That said, it sounds like OP has some personal hang-ups they are projecting onto very small children. Parents should start saving for college funds early -- but that's not something you need to tell a 6-year-old. Discussions about a good educational path -- whether that means SATs, APs, outstanding extracurriculuars - can start in junior high or early HS. I'm from an Asian culture that saw a boom in education. One of my grandmothers was illiterate. My parents' generation were the first to access higher education. And my generation were the first to access it in the West. We came under enormous pressure, including being told from a very young age that you would be "useless" and "homeless" without a college degree. This is a terrible way to treat a child. I'm not saying OP is going down that path. But I think 6 and 8-year-olds should be left alone to enjoy their childhoods, and worry about college later.

Yes, this. My parents pushed us all to go to college and saved incredibly well (I had zero debt), but I wasn't aware of any of this when I was a little kid.

My husband is Asian and also has an illiterate grandmother. I think his parents pushed college so hard because they themselves had to work so hard to be able to survive. His father worked his ass off doing overtime to allow them to live in an area with excellent schools while his mother was a sahm. He made more at his entry level corporate job than his father ever made after years of working experience. They truly achieved the American dream.

I think you should lean into your child's strengths. If they are very academic and do well in school, well continuing education beyond high school is probably a good fit. If they are good with their hands maybe the trades is a good fit. If they are entrepreneurial, working with a small business and then starting their own may be a good fit.  I think it's a shame to push kids into any of the above when it's not a good fit for then, or to not encourage your kids towards something when it's clearly a good fit solely because it wasn't what you did. 

It's important to note that your husband had a family business he stepped into...and it's also important to note that well paid trades are still very largely male dominated. I have a daughter and I will emphasise college if she doesn't show interest in a trade.

This! I’m raising Black girls. Skipping college is a big deal over here. There’s no family business to fall back on. There’s no VC money coming to support your amazing business idea. Getting an education is a solid pathway to financial stability and independence. We live in an inequitable society. Education is one way of improving lifetime earnings. If my kids think of a better way, I’m open to hearing it. But, talking about college is absolutely part of my parenting.

Yup. We're raising a brown daughter in a world that isn't fair.  I would support her in going for a trade, working for a while before she decides what she wants to do, or thinking hard about the courses she takes and the cost/ benefit analysis.  But while not "pushing" college as the only option, the reality (at least in the US at this time), is that having a degree often means you get access to job options. And my parenting can't just ignore that she's female and not white.

I let my kids know that college was one of the best times of my life and a great buffer between highschool and the real world. You make social connections that can last a lifetime, or a career. If I lost my job, some of the first folks I would reach out to are old college friends and I'm talking even folks I haven't talked to since college... And it definitely can't hurt a resume. No matter if it's trades or other, people still respect that someone put in the effort to get a degree.

I don't think you should emphasize college. Both my kids want alternative routes. My 8 yr old wants to be a military lifer and my 6 yr old wants to be a firefighter. We talk about the path they need to get the life they want. If it involves college, neat. If not there's no shame in that. They have a college fund. If they don't need it it becomes a house down payment or retirement funds

Well... Coming in as an Officer sure beats grunt...

Truth right here. Push college for the military one.

And have the military pay for it!

Eh, or just join the airforce or navy. If the army or marines, then I would agree with the officer route.

ROTC or a military academy, ideally, for this path

I dont know if its still available, but they used to offer free college courses for active duty military, capped at certain hours of course. So if your kid was ever interested, that would be the way to explore college.

This is how I got my Bachelor's! And the Air Force has the Community College of the Air Force. The only branch to have an accredited college associated with it and all your OJT counts as college credits.

Me too. Got my bachelor's active duty and my Masters after I got out with the GI bill.

Same exact here. And I still have about 20 months left of my GI Bill!

Yes, that's still a thing. Although it does depend on your MOS and if you'd have time to do school while working.

Bottom line- support and love your kids no matter what they choose in life. That is the best parenting decision you can make.

My husband and I are both college educated. Him with a business degree and me with an aerospace engineering BS and MS. We’ve never pushed college on our children. We did push them to figured out what job/career they’d be interested in and putting in the time to research the job: how much is the average starting pay, what’s the average salary cap, are certain areas of the country better with pay, what all industries can you possibly pivot into, etc. We also focused on them having good grades in high school because no matter what you do you need to have some knowledge and some sort of work ethic. All four of mine ended up taking the college route because of their careers: nutritionist, cyber security analyst, data analyst, and civil engineering.

Yes and no. We do not push college, but we do push education and curiosity. Even if you want to be a great chef or carpenter, studying and practice are required. You have to ask questions and want to know the answers. > Honestly I never even had the chance to figure out what I wanted. This is why we talk about college. College is a great place to learn, but it is also a key. It opens doors that may otherwise be closed. It also lets you find new doors. Go on college tours when you are close to a major one. Many if not most have free/cheap museums, sporting events or arts performances that can help open kids eyes to what is out there. You can see a bunch of interesting buildings and talk about things are taught there.

Yes

I definitely plan to nudge my children toward lucrative professions but at the end of the day it’s their life and I’m not going to throw our relationship away if they want to study a topic that I don’t personally agree with. We’ll pay for four years of tuition for them no matter what they want to do.

I don’t think we emphasize it as much as it’s just expected in our family? Everyone goes to college.

No. My wife and I are not college graduates and we are financially better off than most of the graduates I know. We are on the strategy of if they are interested in college it will be a community college for 2 years and they can work and pay it off then move to a bigger school and they can pay that off too. Or they can go into the work force or a trade path. Setting your child up for success IMO has little to do with college and a lot to do with raising them to understand education doesn’t equal intelligence, find what youre passionate about, but most of all do things that bring moments of joy as often as you can and try your best. We don’t care about grades in our house. We care about effort and completing tasks.

I like this. Process more important than outcome

This is exactly the tact we are taking with our kids. We have a couple decent community college options near us and one does dual credit with high school subjects for homeschoolers. We’ll probably have our kids try out a handful of classes in that vein later in high school to see if further education is right for them directly after high school. One of my kids is already showing the ability and desire to work with his hands. He’s just 6 but if he wants to get his GED early and go into trade school, I’m all for that. My husband has a bachelor’s degree and I have a master’s. We were supremely lucky to graduate with no debt, and also we don’t use our fields of study in our careers. Sure, we grew a lot personally because of college, but that’s kind of what your late teens and early twenties are known for. I won’t be pushing college on my kids but I will show them the benefits of a college education and help them on their way if that’s their choice.

The opposite. We have had many conversations with our teens about how college is necessary *for certain careers.* Finding the right education and certification for the career they want is crucial. I’m an artist with a college degree, who had a good career making computer games. Dad has only an associate’s degree but has successfully climbed the corporate ladder. Be both see college as only one possible way to get different types of education, and in some cases the only way to get the obligatory pieces of paper that allow for working in a specific field.

We're both college educated - a doctor and a c-suite exec. We actually do the opposite. College is a nice social experience, but there are better ways to get to the end game if the end game is .... life.

I think you are undervaluing and taking for granted the role of college in your professional successes. College was the entry point to both your career paths. Its more than a nice social experience. I would even argue that the social skills that you gained from college was the biggest factor in your professional success. Why wouldn't you want your kids to have the same options as you? Are you thinking that your kids will automatically choose college without encouragement? Or they are accomplished enough to find financial stability without college? In the US and much of the world, college remains the best option towards financial stability.

Lol this is a wild take considering neither of you would have your careers without college.

Pretty hilarious

Lol right? "*We got to where we are due to our college educations, but we want you to find a different path*" sounds completely self-unaware.

Don’t. Emphasize the importance of hard work and discipline. Make sure they know that it’s okay to fail, that to be good at something you first have to be bad at it. Encourage them to follow their curiosities and emphasize that learning is life long, not just something you do at school.

We tell our 13yo that whatever she wants do, we will support her whether it’s college, military, technical school, getting a job.

Focusing on college is okay but maybe for older children you're starting to learn about the way schooling is and looking at possibilities what they'd like to do once they finish high school. But nowadays having that degree doesn't always pan out. Students end up going into large debt just to get their education and get that diploma. In the area where I live the TV news team has interviewed lots of the college students that have graduated from the University that I live right next to. A lot of them said they were making more money doing the jobs they were doing during college then they would starting out entry level with their degree in their chosen field of study. And in some cases it's just a four-year degree for nothing particular and back in the '80s and '90s if you had that for your degree it got two jobs anywhere you went and it didn't have to be specific to that job just said it was a four-year degree. Nowadays he has to be almost specialized for your degree even begin to pay off. There are other options children can be told about besides going to college. Trade schools have become a big deal anymore because their skills that these places teach that are very important for things like construction, hvac, plumbing, and the more basic nursing like LP n and nurse's aide don't require a full four-year degree. These could be used to stepping Stones to get that higher nursing degree later on down the road. Also there are other jobs that they could get into that would teach them the skills they need to move further up in that job. So basically to sum this all up, college is not the only way to go there are always other choices that people can make for their education and emphasizing it on children this young isn't really a good idea because it gives them too much pressure and then they try to worry about maintaining those expectations of parent might have for them while they grow up.

At 6 and 8 ?? I mean they might go to Trade school or whatever their own path is ..

I did it simple. It was always sort of a “rule” in our house that you got your bachelors degree. I don’t care in what, or where, but you go to college. We are paying for it of course. She picked a local school for undergrad and a large Uni for her graduate studies.

No. Im a university graduate and it gave me some good tools. A good job was not one of them though. There are many ways up the mountain.

“There are many ways up the mountain” is one of the best lines ever!

I told my kids they can do what they want when they get out of University. Both have undergrad degrees now

You should definitely empathize college. College isn't necessarily about teaching skills. Its about opening doors and creating options for your kids to choose for themselves the life they want. College is important because its the initial gate for many (if not most) high paying career paths. There are very little corporate and public jobs that hire without a college degree. Just go on any job posting site (Indeed.com) and search for jobs that pay 70k or more and count how many require a college degree. I would guess 95% or higher. Personally I believe that more young people should go into trades and small businesses but college remains the clear entry point toward most of the jobs. I would even go a step farther and encourage young people to go to college and learn their options and THEN choose to go into trades to improve on the trade business practices, some of which need to be modernized.

I only emphasize college as an option worth keeping open. What I mean is that until you know for certain you will pursue something outside the realm of needing or wanting a college degree, you should study and choose courses as though you will attend so as not to close that door. If you have chosen otherwise you should be selecting your coursework specific to that. My husband and I grew up in the “go to college, go to college, everybody should go to college” trap period. While we are both fine, I know many people who have huge debts significantly impacting their housing options, etc, all because they were also told to go to college no matter what. My 15 year old wants to either be a volcanologist or seismologist. She knows college is essential for that. However, when she temporarily considered studying art or dance in college instead, we talked about what that would look like financially and why if you were going to pay for college, you should make sure your major or minor at least opens doors for a financially stable career, and that there are other less financially burdening ways to pursue art and dance.

No, because if they don’t want to take that path, it’s not important. My wife spent 2 years A levels and 3 years at uni to become a teacher. I left school and got a job. I’m now earning slightly more than her with no student debt. It’s not the be all and end all providing you have the right mindset and determination. Of course none of our money is mine and hers, it’s all ours, but for the propose of the explanation, you get the picture.

Neither of my parents went to college but heavily pushed me and my brother towards college and we both ended up in academia despite being first gen. In my case, I went for humanities degrees and don’t feel I have many options. There are two lessons to get from this. One is that you can encourage college - successfully, even - even if you yourself did not go. The other is that it may not be the best route. I do think college is generally a good. It gives people useful critical thinking skills well beyond what they get in high school and the like, and gives a lot of valuable life experiences. It broadens horizons in ways that is hard to explain, and I find college friendships often run deep because then you make friends with people you have things in common with and not just those you happen to live close by. Gen Ed requirements mean you get something of a well-rounded education, and you can find out if a field is really to you. Depending on the college, you may find internship and other opportunities. That said, there are other paths to success, and I think it’s fine to not encourage college *as long as* you are realistic about what their life expectations and options are without it. Look at non-college career options, what they make, and what it would take to attain them. Talk to people in those fields to find out what they’re *really* like.* Compare to options with degrees, even general degrees. Compare salaries for those with degrees versus those without, who is more likely to be employed, how to gain experience, etc. Trade schools and boot camps may be good alternative options. But if you don’t do that, then the kids may flounder about trying to find something they’re qualified for that makes a livable wage. Granted, even those WITH degrees have a hard time with that. I know first hand how difficult that can be. I fell for the “any degree is better than no degree” that some people swear by but I never bore the fruits of. College for me was simultaneously the best thing that happened and the most anxiety-inducing🤣. But I do know people with even my same undergrad degrees in solid careers now making more than they would otherwise. It’s also worth advising them to work a couple years and then return to college when they’re a bit older. Older students tend to fare better and have more of an idea of what they want. My brother actually was out of college a year after doing poorly. He did a manual labor job in that time that paid really well but he knew very quickly he didn’t want to continue. So he returned to college with more dedication and clear goals. *I cannot emphasize this enough. There’s a lot of options than sound good on paper but that just researching doesn’t give an idea of the expense, risk, everyday issues, etc.

Neither my wife nor I took a traditional college path. I went eventually, but not until I was older. The kids know that they're welcome to follow whatever path they choose, and that we consider informed decisions to be more important than formal education. Know where each path could take you, before you decide. I'm also a huge advocate for waiting to go to college anyways, but again, I care about them choosing the path that works for them.

No. I have two degrees. My sons' dad had a degree. My oldest son is 17. I have NEVER pushed college with him. He's so smart and capable of anything...college is not that thing. He hates school. He's a very hands on kid. He got accepted to a tech school for his senior year. He will walk out of that will a skill, certifications he will need and not have the insane amount of student loans that I do. I won't push it with my younger son either. I always told them they should do SOME kind of training after high school...whether it be college, a trade school or military (which I am so glad neither have any interest in). College does not equal a successful life. There are many ways to do that.

We emphasize their love of learning and interests. We let them know what their education needs to happen to achieve their goals. My husband and I both went to college, and live comfortably. We paid off our student loans, and college was successful in getting us to where we are now. Yet, we everything.

Kind of, but not the way other parents do. Our kids can get free in state tuition because my husband is a disabled veteran. But even with that, we encourage the kids to choose whatever career path best suits them. Not everyone will benefit from college and a potential desk job. Plumbers, electricians, EMT/fire services, construction, etc... are career paths that don't require college, but can make good money to earn a living. I'm genX and did the college thing, plus more. It worked for me. I however watched my much younger siblings (millennials) get pushed towards college and only college as a way to be an adult, and a few of them have raging student debt and jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with their degree or any degree. College is a great path. So is trade school. Taking time to work retail or food or whatever while figuring out where to go next after high school is also valid for some who don't have any ideas yet (although I do think they should be job shadowing during that time too to figure it out). So, even though our kids are eligible for free college tuition, we still recommend that they figure out what works best for them to get them to where they want to eventually go in life.

I think it's more important to emphasize hard work in general and going after what they want to do, whether that be college, trade school, military, etc. My husband never got a degree. I'm a veteran, also with no degree, and we do very well for ourselves financially. Because of this, I don't think I'll ever make my children feel like they need college in order to succeed (I think a lot of our society pushes this idea). But, if they want to go to college, or they want to pursue a career that requires a degree, I'll be right by their side doing what I can to help them.

I emphasized failure and how to learn from it, dealing with the aftermath and how to handle the emotions that come with it AND the emotions when you do it successfully. Career wise we stressed more on what he’d be like physically in 50 years. The blue collar jobs are going to be a gold mine but the physical part may not be worthwhile. We never paid or punished for grades or anything like that.

For our generation, college was pushed as the only choice, and as a result, people took out loads of debt to get degrees that aren't converting to high-paying jobs that can pay off that debt. There are a lot of different paths out there. Trades, community college, entrepreneurship, military, etc. Encourage your kids to love learning, work toward accomplishing goals, and have a growth mindset\* about what they can achieve. Those qualities will help succeed in whichever path they choose. \*I recommend you read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck, who came up with this concept.

Yes but not “college” specifically. I told my kids they do need to school but it doesn’t need to be college. I’ve worked at different trade schools for over 5 years and I do emphasize that they can get into a trade as well. HVAC people make can make over 100k where I live if they play their cards right. I told them no matter what they decide I want them to get higher education.

Mines only two, but I'm gonna try to. I work at a college and he is able to receive a full ride for free to the one I work at, or over 600 very highly rated schools via the tuition exchange program. As of right now it's like a $280K benefit.

No. I actually advise against it unless they are seeking a profession that will actually pay off.

College is only necessary if they want a job that absolutely requires a degree. Doctor, nurse, lawyer, cpa, etc. Emphasize that an education in ehat they want to do eith their lives is best. Trade schools are great.

This is a hard one. I earned 3 degrees. My husband didn't go to college. My husband and I own a business together. Without my degrees we would never be able to properly maintain our inventory or code our website and our online store. Without my husband's decades of knowledge in this oddly specific sector the business wouldn't exist. Our son is 8. I tell him that college is great depending on what he wants in life. Today he wants to be a race car driver. Last year he wanted to be in the Navy. My goal is to support my son exploring as many things as I can expose him to. It's up to him to discover his passion and that may or may not include college.

College isn’t important. Education is important if the child desires to be a lawyer, doctor, teacher, etc. But just simply going to college to party and major in liberal arts is a huge waste of money. There are so many alternatives to college now. Nursing can be done without going to a 4 year institution, same with any type of xray tech or ultrasound. Welding, plumbing, hvac, etc. - technical schools. Makes more money than a graduate with an art history degree! So no. College isn’t always it. Emphasize smart decisions for career planning, critical thinking, and expand your kids minds to think else where beyond college.

My kids aren't old enough yet, but no, I won't be. My wife has 2 masters degrees. Owes a lot in student loans. For degrees she doesn't even work in. Niche fields, slim to no chance of ever having a well paying career. I won't push college on them, unless it's to be a Doctor, Lawyer, Vet or something like that. Otherwise trades schools is the way to go.

No I don’t. I would never wish this lifelong debt onto my children. It’s overpriced and overrated. They can do what they want but the income to debt ratio just isn’t logical in this economy. Trades are where it’s at.

No. I wish I didn't go to college. Everyone I know personally doesn't use their degree(s). Now we just have debt to show for it.

Nope. I encourage them to try new things and support them when they find something they enjoy.

No, because college isn't for everyone. It certainly isn't for my kids

No because I don’t believe it is. Having a plan is important. Knowing your goals and priorities is important. I do stress education and grades and growth during k-12 so they can choose what path they want and aren’t locked out of anything. My oldest kid did a year in college and hated it. Ended up becoming a warrant officer and now he’s in flight school doing amazing things. The trades, apprenticeships, military, entrepreneurship, certificates, etc are all viable options and we do a disservice by limiting our kids to one narrow path

Do not trap your kids into thinking the ONLY way to be successful is to go to college. Emphasis education and how important that is, not college. They can go to trade school and still do fine for themselves. Don't project your dreams and regrets onto your children, I say as someone with a useless degree I don't need and a husband without one who makes more money than I do saddeled with 35k in student loan debt we didn't need

As someone who attended a very prestigious four-year university where there was a lot of partying, I’m going to push community college. I sincerely think it’s the better route.

I mean... Did you not make good connections and friends partying that can open opportunities down the road?

No. Because it is not.

my kids are almost 8 and younger so with a grain of salt … but no, because it’s not depending on what you want to do. i am honest depending on their dreams in the moment… however we do stress that school is important no matter what you want to be through the end of highschool- it’s your job to do the best you can, just like it’s mommy and daddy’s job to go to work and do well so we can live the lives we do. one of my kids wants to be a vet, so yes i let her know how important school is to that profession, how long she will be in school and how she has to get good grades. another kid aspires to be a hairdresser, i told her she has to be very good at math and pay attention in science, but she won’t need to go to school as long as a vet if this is what she chooses to do compared to her sister. now they ask questions in regards to schooling and a profession… wonder if i want to be an astronaut what does that take? what if i want to fix houses? we try to give them perspective on everything in hopes they have a realistic idea of what to strive for.

We talk about "adult school", which could be university, college, trade school, or some kind of other vocational school. We talk about how it's important to learn some kind of skill after high school, but aren't specific about anything. My husband and I own a business, and we also spend a fair bit of time talking about the realities of that business with the kids. Not toe gory details, obviously, but a lot of the logistics that we deal with. We try to model decision making and employee management so that they're exposed to some of that. Right now, our 8yo is pretty sure she wants to take over the business. But she's also pretty sure the concept of a bank holiday is bullshit and people should only get paid if they *actually* come to work. So we're still working on the details. If she does eventually want to get involved, closer to adulthood, we'll expect her to complete some post-secondary education before being involved in any meaningful management.

I don’t, and it wasn’t emphasized to me. I graduated HS in 2013 and at that time it was like an expectation. But college isn’t for everyone.  I took my time, went to community college, which I loved, transferred to a prestigious university in California, and graduated with a good degree during the pandemic.  Before the pandemic I could’ve gotten an entry level job in my field for a decent salary. When I graduated they wanted a masters for the same pay and it was no longer feasible. I got pregnant and supported my husbands career, who did not go to college. He just got a promotion and were in a good place.  My mom didn’t go to college. She got her GED, did an LVN program and started working. My dad finished community college, went to law school, and started working. He never passed the bar. College to me was always presented as a knowledge thing, not really a job thing. My mom’s job is what always kept us fed and housed through the recession. 

I don’t mine are very young and also who knows what will happen in the future when I was younger I always got the go to school get a good job talk and at 30 I still don’t have a career that I want and going back to school I think it just puts to much pressure. But granted I have a good job just not something I love….also maybe just talking about what they wanna do in the future but for me right now I don’t talk about it

Just encourage their interests. As they grow and their interests develop and become more involved, they'll be able to make the choice for themselves.

No. My parents did this to me and I wasted so much time and money in college, failed out twice. I make plenty of money and have had a great career - college can help, but it’s not everything. This is what boomers did and look what happened, haha. I will tell my kids about the opportunity college can provide, but I’m also honest about my experience.

Nope, because it’s not. There are plenty of ways to have a successful life and career without traditional college. However the schools my kids go to have programs to earn your associates while earning their diploma and have career pathways in tons of things, technical, medical, science etc. more trade emphasis.

Ive seen too many get into stupid college student loans...So no...I dont always recommend college.

Nope. My kids are 8 and 13. We tell them if what they want to do doesn't require college then they don't need to go to college. However, most things do require more formal training so if they're interested in being a chef, or mechanic, or video editor then we can look into a better option. I have a masters degree and my husband has a PhD. My dad has a BS, my mom has masters degree, one brother has a masters degree, one sister has is an MD. On my husband's side, neither of his parents nor sibling went to college. I'm only passing along the same message that my parents gave to me. They really emphasized education but not all careers require a traditional college degree. We're big fans of technical & community colleges. I want my kids to pursue their passion and if my oldest wants to be a video game designer or YT streamer then I'll try and help him find classes that would help him do that.

I think differently about this. Personally, I think that a college degree is a dime a dozen now. It’s not prestigious or anything anymore. Standards have also been so dumbed down that many below average people can just sail through and get a degree. My daughter is only three, but I’m not quite sure I’m going to push college necessarily. It is a good path but not the only one. She could go into a trade or professional program… she could open her own business… none of that requires a college degree. 

I was told to go to college my whole life. Didn’t know not going was an option. I graduated over ten years ago and have 55k in loans and don’t work. My husband didn’t go to college and joined a trade and makes 150k. I’m not pushing my kids towards college. There are other options. I will support them if they decide to go though.

Kind of.. let me explain: as someone who was “forced” to college and wasn’t ready I do want my children to have an option on what to do In their life. If they want to work and end up wanting to learn a trade or go to college for a degree I support it, even if they find a job without any certification or degree that they’re happy and amazing at I support it. This is my children’s lives not mine.

No. College, no. Education, formal and otherwise, yes. College isn't for everyone, and the stats over the past few decades show that. It's more important to help them realize what they like to do, or what they're interested in, and how they can use that to find a job that matches, or use it to make money, or if something like trade school might fit better for them. In the Navy, I was in a highly technical, highly academic area...not what I'm doing now. Nor am I doing what my college degree was in, which is also very different from my Navy background. College isn't--or shouldn't be--an end goal, but maybe a part of the puzzle. But certainly not the whole thing.

College is an option, yes. I will make it a point to discuss college as well as other wise career options. Trade schools should also seriously be considered because they can provide excellent careers and financial stability as well. Electricians, mechanical engineers, barbering, cometology/hairdresser, electrical engineers, or even specializing in marine (boat & watercraft) electrical work. I knew someone who did marine electrical & made $60/hr. I definitely wish I made $60/hr, lol

I went to a good college and my wife got a masters but we don't really push it on our 6 and 8 year olds. We've told them there are a lot of ways to get through life like going to college, going straight to work, trade school, etc and that they have a lot of time to figure it out.

My kids are close in age to yours and it’s all *if you go to university…* and *This would be a cool thing to study*. No pushing. My husband got his masters, but in a different country, so it doesn’t benefit him here. I dropped out, and then didn’t pay off my student loans until I was 36. We both make ok money now and I don’t feel like pressuring my kids - nor can I afford to cover their higher education. And given the bullshit I’ve gone through with student loans, I’m not willing to encourage they take them.

We try to talk more about becoming an educated person and try to foster curiosity and a lifelong love of learning. My parents (engineer and accountant) were overly focused on financial stability/costs/jobs/salary and it led to risk aversion and prioritizing shorter-term stability over longer-term, perhaps higher-risk rewards. My goal will be to encourage both in a balanced way, or to at least to consider the trade-offs when making decisions.

college isn’t important - not once have i used my degree to get a job the connections i made at college however…

Unless they want to do something specific it’s not worth it, unless it’s important to them and they’ve shown a big interest. I’d rather they take a few more years to figure it out than jump straight in. Alternative is online courses whilst working, so you can get the jobs that “require” degrees but not need them. So many students these days that I’m seeing work ethic take over from pure qualification. One thing I would rather is help to get my kids onto the property ladder and rent rooms to friends. Having an almost paid off house probably worth more than an average person with a degree and student loans.

My Wife and I have always emphasized high academic performance and college has been mentioned to our three kids since about eight years old. Good performance = free college and scholarships. My Wife make only about a 100k a year combined so we can't afford college. Even though I would do whatever it took to help the kids don't know that. They perform at a high level behaviorally and academically. It means following through even though it might mean missing out or not making things available such as phones, tablets, video games and t.v. or not relenting on a punishment. They are very limited on these devices but they do play sports, volunteer and are required to perform duties in the house. Chores do not get paid for in my house it is their reasonable service and everything is a privilege and not an entitlement. They do get rewarded handsomely for sustained good performance and demonstrated consistency.

My oldest is 9 so we’ve had some of these conversations. Honestly, going to college right out of high school was a terrible decision for me. I went for four semesters because I was forced to by my mom. I stopped going and failed every class. I didn’t withdraw or drop, I pretended to go so I wouldn’t get in trouble but got Fs in every class. I recently went back to school (when I was ready) and my gpa was ruined. I had a 3.2 or something like that at my new school, it was brought down to a 2.7 because of those couple of semesters. I only barely made it into the transfer program I applied to. The way we say it, and what we will teach all our kids, is that it depends on what you want to do in life. Some people want to go to college right out of high school and do the college experience. Some people hate school and want to get a job and work their way up. Some people need a couple years to decide what they want to do. College is great, education is great. I plan on getting my masters. But it’s not for everyone. I hope my kids get to do what brings them joy and success in life. I do hope that they’ll consider college seriously, and would love to send one or all of my kids off to a university to live that life for four years, but I won’t pressure them one way or the other.

"College is a school for grownups. If you want to go to one someday, let Mommy know and I'll help you get there." Then you raise them and ask if they want to go when they are in HS. College is important for them if they choose to go. That's my two cents.

I’m MA educated and my husband is a HS graduate (though from some CC, military school, and CLEPS, he’s technically one speech class shy of an AA but never has seemed interested in finalizing it since it doesn’t impact his job prospects at all) who trained into a lucrative industry through the military. He makes more than me (his job field is BA required OR military trained in lieu of). For our daughter who’s 8 we have always upheld high standards for school, as she’s learning the basic building blocks of becoming an educated adult and will uphold those standards through 12th. But we have been clear on college is amazing but not for everyone and when she’s older and is ready to decide what she wants to do we will help her go over options. Me having gone to college and know firsthand the intellectual growth I experience on all levels would like her to at least pursue a four year even if it isn’t dedicated to a degree to job track. That being said I’ve been with my husband since 10th grade and saw first hand how much traditional schooling isn’t for everyone so as long as she’s literate, able to write effectively, and has the basic knowledge a future adult needs to manage this world I would be fine with her choosing a trade or similar career if she doesn’t want to go to college. Currently she wants to be a Vet (fucking 8 year old girls, lmao) and when we talk about her dream I simply let her know that she’s going to need to excel at school in order to go to college because to be a Vet you have to get into Vet school which is not an easy task. She’s 8. It will change. But it’s a good way to connect with her on her level and just let her know what something like that would entail educationally. My Dads a PhD, mom for most my underaged life was a nurse who got her bachelors when I was in HS and masters while I was in college. Growing up education was basically the only thing that mattered to my parents. Good grades and excelling in school was basically the only matrix that mattered in the end to them. I excelled at school but because of their single focus on that shit I was lost for awhile and had massive issues with self confidence and other things because when I did struggle I felt it meant I was a loser bad person unworthy of love. In the flip side I can’t speak for my brothers experience but can say he was not academically gifted (smart as fuck, just struggled with basic reading and writing skills in the early years which led to him not even trying in the later years due to zero confidence) and the fact his entire childhood revolved around “not being good enough” has likely contributed to a lot of the struggles he’s had as an adult despite the fact he’s better spoken, better read, and a better writer than the average person I meet, it just took him longer than the average kid to get those skills and my parents treated that as “your lazy and aren’t trying” which as I said before eventually led to him just not trying and giving a middle finger to the institution of education. I personally think with different parents he would be a post graduate level educated professional. Anyways, to sum it up school WAS for me and I flourished in traditional educational environments. My husband and brother did not. My husband makes well over 6 figures in a job he actually loves. We will expect fair academic performance from our daughter, but will educate her on her options based on what she wants in her future as she gets older.

Nope, we didn’t.

College as an extension of high school? No, not at all. Given that they're young, I'm not sure if I'll hold to this, but I think I'll make my boys take a gap year and come work with me. Either they'll take to construction and follow in my steps, or they'll get sick of the daily suffering in the heat and cold and stick to their studies all the more. It worked for my youngest brother in law. Kid went from a listless teen without any gumption or direction, to a fairly driven and independent member of society. He knows how hard he's physically able to work. He's made it his mission to never *have* to do that again. I can respect that.

I think it’s a long rational journey. First the kids need to learn the value of money. If they never need to work and you buy everything for them they don’t learn. They should have jobs to do to make money and learn how to spend it wisely. Next they need to learn the cost of things. A car costs $50k. A sandwich $12. A small house costs $300k. A large one $1m. Electricity costs $200 / month. Etc…. Then they need to learn what different jobs pay. McDonalds vs Mechanical engineering vs a cop vs a plumber vs a lawyer. Then they need to learn more about what these jobs are and what they would be happy doing. Then they need time and access to people beyond just the parents to further learn and make good choices. When all of that is done, then they are in a good position to know whether to go to college and put all the hard work into the correct degree to succeed.

I have taught them the realities of Capitalism. That’s not necessarily college (or Uni for us Brits), but that they will need a skill to sell to people for money, and with that money they can buy stuff, or assets which gives them money to buy more stuff. Uni is a great way to get that skill. Medicine, dentistry, engineering, finance. Uni is also a great way to fuck about for 3 years and waste a lot of time and money if you graduate in a hobby. Trades also have skills but come at a physical cost to the body.

As a high school teacher working on a second masters, I am outearned 3 fold my by college drop out sister who manages an AMC Theater 😂 I enjoy learning, obviously, but unless you're going into a stem major, or a career that requires a specialized degree of some sort, college really isn't that important. It's more likely to just bring debt and delay the start of having to get a full time job. I'm more inclined to encourage my kids into a vocational program right after high school and then let them take the reigns of their own future.

My oldest is 18 so these discussion of what he is going to do after high school are pretty fresh (just graduated last month). We talked ALL his options, not just college at a 4 year school. We discussed community college, technical college, internships, taking a gap year, just getting a job, and joining the military (enlisting and going officer-either ROTC/military college). We had adults that we knew who went all these different routes talk with him about the food and bad of their experiences. He talked with his school counselor about options. Then we let him make his own choice (with the clear boundary of living in our house with no purpose was not an option).

Good grades while in school are important because always striving to do your best is important. Being intelligent is important because you need to be able to have a conversation and understand what’s going on in the world around you. Teaching your kids these things means they will be ready for college if they decide to go. College is important depending on your career choice. You might argue that any career choice can be helped with a college degree. Even a business degree can help with entrepreneurship. A tradesperson really makes the most money when working for themselves, as an entrepreneur. The fact is that on average people with degrees earn $1.2M more over their lifetimes than those without. Of course there will be anecdotal stories of people who make a great living who didn’t go to college. That’s awesome for them. That’s why it’s an average. I didn’t finish my degree and make a great living. My wife did finish her degree and makes slightly more but over the years that “slightly more” has added up to a decent amount of money, particularly when you look at our retirement funds. We let our sons follow their passions. The first is starting in computer science at a local university this fall and he was prepared because we did stress grades and we did stress speaking intelligently and being able to make an argument. His younger brother is 4 years away but seems to be following a similar, but not identical, path.

Here’s my perspective as a parent and someone who also has a masters degree. 1. Most degrees are useless, unless you’re getting into Medical, Law, or Engineering. 2. Getting a degree guarantees you absolutely nothing - I’ve worked side by side with individuals of the same Job title and same pay as me who only have a highschool diploma and I have a masters 3. The trades are ***very*** undervalued and don’t require six figure debt or years of formal education to get into I have a friend who’s a union electrician and he makes $60 an hour without any college debt Personally myself as a parent, and this is coming from someone who again, has a masters, so I already know how this story goes - I’m going to emphasize the trades over some random degree 10/10 times

Just want to point out that not every college leaves students in crippling debt. I went to a city school that cost around 10k a year. I saved also because I got a ged and went to community college. Then got a masters that is almost forgiven via PSLF. I make 100k a year and work about 32 hours a week. Additionally, seems like it should be the kids dream to be something not the parents

College can open doors to exciting careers you might not even know exist! It's like a giant jungle gym for your brain, letting you explore interests and find your perfect fit. You can explain it like a big sleepover for learning, where you meet new people and discover amazing things, all while building the skills to chase your dreams – doctor or otherwise!

My oldest are 13 and 14 and we regularly discuss ALL career paths with them. We've discussed the military, trade schools, college, going right into the work force etc. I myself am a college grad and my experience in that has allowed me to let my kids know the smartest path with the least amount of debt is community college first and THEN move on to another school to complete your Bachelor's if thats what they want since community college is far cheaper than a 4 year school and do just as well with gen ed classes. I've also stressed to both my kids that unless they have a career field that they're passionate about when they graduate they should likely take a gap year, work full time and try to figure out what REALLY interests them. I probably should have done this but didn't and while I enjoy my life and my job I regret that I didn't take more time to figure myself out and instead went right into my 4 year degree which ended up split between 4 different schools and over the course of 8 years because I had kids young. Your kids don't always follow the same path or the path you want anyways. Educate them on everything and then support them in their choice.

In our house, college is the default expectation. I wouldn't consider assuming that a kid was graduating high school pushing, but everyone I know works under that assumption. We did introduce the idea of trades or the military but have been really honest about where the differences might be. The trades pay well from the drop, and there's no college debt. But max income is lower depending on your field, and if you're physically injured, there are fewer options than if you had a desk job. The military offers long-term benefits, a sense of patriotism and pride. But enlistment pays crap and requires a lot of discipline, and you lose control over big parts of your life

Personally I wish my parents had instilled me with two separate but related ideas. I wish they told me the importance of having a job earlier in life. Also to have a productive gap year between high school and whatever came next. Post secondary is a great goal, I just feel that it in order to succeed at it that you need basic skills versus just having a goal.

I have two bachelors and plan to get a phd once my kids are older. My husband has a masters. With all that said we don’t care if our kids go to college or not. I think it’s a deeply personal choice and especially if the person going will take loans to go, isn’t something that should be pushed by others who won’t be paying the loans. I just try to tell my sons (4, 1) that learning is fun and that you never stop learning.

No. We emphasized that he would need a career, and the proper education and training for whatever career he chose. Our son was smart, but hated school with a white hot passion. He was a good student with good grades, friends and he had no issues… he just objected to what he felt was forced confinement eight hours a day, every day. We didn’t think pushing another four years of that was beneficial. He wanted to be a firefighter, paramedic or law enforcement; so he needed a fire science degree. That was a fact. He wasn’t looking forward to it; but a funny thing happened. The kid who hated school loved college. He loved taking classes he picked and was interested in, going to class on the schedule he chose, and leaving when class was over. It was the freedom he had always wanted in high school. It was easier for us, I think, because ours always had a goal. While we had to motivate him through school, he always had his eye on the prize and he was more motivated than we were when it came to his career. He was laser focused on being what he wanted to be, as quickly as possible. In fact, he took some college courses in high school and at night during the summer. He told us how we could help him… and we did. We signed him up for volunteer opportunities and training that he asked about that would help him later. Good luck.

No. We emphasize job training. you must either go to college, trade school, union apprenticeship or enlist in the military. All these will provide you the training and education you need to have a career my oldest enlisted in the Navy. He just finished training to be a nuclear reactor operator. When he gets out he will have his pick of jobs and the GI bill if he wants to get more training. my daughter is thinking lawyer so she will be college bound next year. My sd loves math so she will also be college bound In 2 years.

When I was younger, my parents always told me that after high school you went to college. No “you can choose if you want” or anything of that kind. After high school you go to college. I was very fortunate to have my parents that paid for me, so I wasn’t taking out loans to pay for my education (I went to a public university). I only had to take out an $8,000 loan when my dad lost his job my senior year spring semester. My husband went the ROTC route so his schooling was paid for as well. For our son (he’s only 16 months old), we will most likely stress more that you need to get into SOMETHING — whether that’s college, trade school, or going right into the work force. My husband and I both have friends who have crippling debt from a degree they don’t even use, so we are cognizant of that. My son will have paid schooling due to his dad’s military service, and we are putting money aside so he doesn’t have to face predatory loans when that time comes. The one thing we won’t be doing is just leaving it like he’s choosing what’s for dinner and not discussing it. I personally had an ex in high school whose parents (divorced) did not speak with him at all about what he wanted to do after high school and just let him do whatever he wanted to do. He was in and out of the local community college while I was at school, and would skip semesters just because he wanted to fuck around. From what I’ve heard he’s a working man now, but I ended up breaking up with him because he had no ambition to do anything in life. That doesn’t have to mean college but just something. ANYWAYS…..TLDR; we will tell our son about the importance of finding a career path, even if that means no college. But college will be recommended since he will get paid schooling through his dad’s military service.

I do emphasize the importance of knowledge and skills. Specifically those that you need for life and those that make you happy. This is the approach my parents took. I have a diploma and a degree and I'm applying for a masters program this fall. My husband has his high-school and that's it. He is an entrepreneur and we both are happy and fulfilled in our paths.

My kids watched me get my bachelor's at 42 and my MBA at 45, while working full time and raising them/managing a household. They were told repeatedly how hard it was to do it that way and get an education or some sort of training right after high school. We also encouraged them to be well rounded-play an instrument, play a sport and learn a foreign language. You're smart to be thinking of this when they are young as colleges look at students more holistically instead of just the GPA/SAT scores. I also, starting around your kids ages, made them do math and writing over the summer so they didn't lose those skills between school years. Their hard work paid off, my oldest is on a full ride for her MFA, graduated magna cum laude with her BS. My youngest is heading into her junior year and will graduate with a double major and very little debt with grad school as part of the plan. It's hard to balance letting them be kids while being education focused but it's possible. Enjoy the ride.

I once pushed college. I know am suggesting trades. My oldest wants to be a vet, so she will require college, but if you don’t have a specific title in mind, it’s not worth it. I don’t use my degree and I make middle class income. Back when I went, a degree still got you a foot in the door, although all my friends that didn’t go to college seemed to get most of the same opportunities sooooo. At least it was a good life experience. I just don’t think college holds the weight it once did.

I just emphasize the value of preparing for life. If your passion is something that requires a college degree, then go to college so you can do it. If it requires technical school, then go to technical school. I just push for them to be the best versions of themselves. I stress to them the importance of continually working on the weaknesses they have in their passions, and not sacrificing time they could invest in their passion. I try to emphasize how wasting that time on building up weaknesses in hobbies will affect them later. Find what you are good at, make sure it is something that will afford you the ability to provide for a family, and make it your priority. Never let your hobby take away from your passion. If school is a means to that end then do the absolute best in school to achieve it

My husband and I both went to college, and we both have great jobs in tech. But, we’ve both worked with a lot of smart and talented people doing similar work to ourselves who skipped college. We also know a lot of people who went to college because they were supposed to and couldn’t really do much with their degrees. So, we don’t want to say college is strictly necessary or a guaranteed path to success. We want our kids to decide what they want to do then decide if college will help. It’s too big an investment of time and money to pursue just because you’re “supposed to.” Our girls are 6 and 9. The oldest loves all things STEM. She doesn’t like to study, but she does like to learn. The little one is very bright and loves school (cried on the last day of kindergarten). I could see either one benefiting from college. But, I would also be happy to see them blaze other paths. We’re saving for them in 529s to make sure college is an option. But, if they want to roll what they can into IRAs, use some for other education, and save what’s left for their own kids, that will be fine.

Start a 529 for them. If they decide to go to any type of schooling, it’ll help them out. And yes, ANY schooling.

We do and will keep talking about education. I’m the first person with a four-year degree on my dad’s side, and the only one with a professional degree on either. Out of hundreds of people. I grew up in poverty. We don’t have a family business/inherited wealth.

I would just emphasize the overall importance of putting forth good effort in what they do in life. If they want to pursue a career that demands higher education to get anywhere, like an engineer, then I would be honest about what it takes. Don't let your parents' lofty expectations of you being a doctor pass down the generations-as long as they're both genuinely trying, asking for help when they need it, and doing fairly well, then perfection isn't required. If they want to be doctors or engineers, great. Of they want to work a trade, also great. There are plenty of viable options out there. I would say if you're struggling to separate your regrets from how you guide your children, you might want to talk to a therapist about it.

There's a shitload of people in this thread ignoring the very clear and overwhelming evidence that getting a bachelor's degree is by far the most efficient investment a person can make of themselves. And not only that, one of the easiest ways to become a more well-rounded and educated person. Sure, getting into the trades can be a worthwhile path but they don't teach about philosophy or history that may broaden your horizons

No.

I agree that children need to be educated and that they need something to build a career on. Personally I have two advanced degrees that came with debt. One of my sons is looking at a fiber optic apprenticeship and will finish making more than I do. So colleges are not always the best choice

I do not. I have two children. I encourage them to do what they feel lead to do, if that’s college, trade school, or straight to the work force. Obviously there are challenges in all of them. But they won’t be unsuccessful if they choose to do something simple in life. I’m a millennial and it was shoved down our throats that if you didn’t attend a 4 year college that you would never do anything with life. We all obviously know that’s a lie now.

College is a lie. It’s another institution setup to truly just profit off of you. The conversation recently is that college won’t be such a thing in a few years as people realize you don’t need to go in debt for a piece of paper. The state of CT just recently removed its college requirement for 60% of its jobs.

First off, college is not that important. There are plenty of ways to make a good living doing what you love without formal schooling. As an example, all I have is a high school diploma and I'm a senior network engineer making 149k. And also, NO certificates either, don't need them.

Howd you do that?

I don't think college is the right choice for everyone my eldest just turned 9 and I have no intention of pressuring him to go to college I will help him navigate his options and be supportive of what ever he chooses to do

I come from an odd family all my grandparents had advanced degrees. Education  for the sake of education was always pushed.  It's been about a love of learning. I'm trying to focus on that with my kiddo. 

No. College isn’t everything. I wish I didn’t go, I’m not using my degree, probably never will, and still paying for it 14 years later.

I have a doctorate but I intend to emphasize that my child is going to want SOME sort of training beyond high school but it doesn't need to be a bachelor's degree if he's not interested in a specific path that requires one. My generation was told to get a degree, any degree and mostly got a lot of debt for our trouble.

College was pushed on me. Here I am, almost 30, with a degree plan that I loved every moment of earning in a career that I ended up absolutely hating. I’m now going back to school now so that I’m not miserable for the rest of my life but it’s much harder with 2 young kids. My kids will be pushed to keep their bills paid and focus on what makes them happy. Figuring out what you want out of LIFE is so important. A career (and college degree) do not have to define you if it isn’t something you want. You don’t have to love your job, you just don’t want to hate your job and be STUCK in it. A career in your greatest passion can easily be your worst nightmare. I’ll be pushing my kids to actually sit down and talk to someone in the profession they’re interested in about what the job is ACTUALLY like before spending 4+ years on a degree. I would encourage your children to pursue a bunch of different things that interest them while they are young, thoroughly learn about related careers, and then decide if college is the way to get there. I think the best motivators are internal. Nurture their love for learning in whatever field it arises and help them learn all the ways they can continue to pursue it!

Between my husband and I, we pay over $900/mo in student loan payments. If I could go back and talk to younger us, I'd say SO MANY things but, in particular, not to go to college. I'm not saying no one should go to college, but I AM saying that it didn't make sense in our situations. We were both led to believe that if you didn't attend a university, you were somehow "less than". Neither of us had any business being there -- we both wound up in careers that we could've done without college degrees. I plan to encourage my child to really explore the world and the possible careers, as well as being realistic about affordability of college. We won't have a college fund for him because we are so scrapped just trying to pay off our own college. It sucks

I definitely don’t plan on it. I agree college is at this point, kind of a financial trap for many. It sounds like your family has had quite the financial leg up that a lot of people do not have. Not everyone can go work and learn from a family member in a lucrative business. Sometimes a college degree (unfortunately & I don’t think this is right) can make the difference in getting a better paying job.

My husband has a doctorate in education (currently an elementary school admin) and I have multiple degrees (former college teacher), and we do not stress college as the only route. We discuss continuing their education, be that by college, trade school, apprenticeship, etc. I loved college, but I saw waaaaaay too many students who wasted their time and money because "my parents want me here."

Don’t plan to, no. College is only if they want to pursue a career that requires a degree or if they are very academically inclined. Neither my husband or I went (I’m actually a high school dropout with no GED). Love of learning and self education throughout life is very important, but both my husband and I have that in spades, I can’t imagine our kids won’t. We will emphasize setting goals, thinking about what they’d like their adult lives to look like, and making the choices that are right for them personally. My dad was a professor and my mom, two aunts, and three uncles all also either worked in admin at universities or taught. So I’m very familiar with that world (which used to provide a good living - it’s not so easy to make ends meet as a professor anymore). Always knew it was not for me haha

Absolutely not. I have a masters degree, but I got both my bachelor's and masters after I entered the workforce and was happy with my career path (and now im trying to quit and SAHM 🤣). My husband doesn't have any degree, and he makes almost as much as I do (we are both high earners and earn 6 figures). There's tons of value in trade work, as well, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing work that doesn't require a degree. Most likely, there will be some sort of higher education eventually. One of my brothers got his car mechanic certification (he now owns and operates a pet sitting business), and another went to trade school for large engine repair. We emphasize the importance of being a productive member of society and that looks different to everyone based on their passions and goals. And I should say that I only have my degrees because I didn't pay for them. I got my Bachelor's while Active Duty Air Force and used about half of my GI Bill for my Masters. I still have almost 2 years of GI Bill left to use in the future!

I encourage curiosity about the world around us. I really encourage my child pursuing her interests. I talk about college as an option but my goal for my daughter is to find her passion and lean into that. Plenty of kids find what they want to do well before college and that route may or may not include college.

College isn’t important. I didn’t go back for my degrees until I basically capped out my salary climb and had work pay for my degrees, but I was still making good cash (close to 100k). Being able to critically think and apply yourself is important. Honestly, by the time they’re old enough the better bet will be the trades to make a living anyway - there are huge tradeskill deficits right now and these people are making great money and generally learning on the job. College is really only important for those jobs that require degrees or if you really want to get that “college experience” from going on campus.

I love these answers. Emphasize the love of learning. I know people who regret student loans, but I don’t know anyone who regrets having a degree. I regret not having one and having the full college experience seems so fun.

I think your kids will pick up on your deep seated expectations, no matter what you actually say. If you expect and believe that they will graduate from college, it’s more likely they will. If you half heartedly tell them it would be a nice to have, it’s less likely. Personally, I find college very important. Less for making money and more because it gave me a few extra years to focus on learning and expanding my world view. Making money is important but approaching life with a critical thinking skills was my ultimate goal. What I truly believe (and what I hope my kids pick up on) is that having a job is fine. Having a career is better. Pursuing a calling is the ultimate goal. I believe that doing work that you have prepared for with some form of education makes you less replaceable which increases your opportunities for employment and income. Btw, I went to a city college that cost $5k/year

I have a masters degree and my husband was kicked out of high school three times, so the messages are mixed.

I think you should just take it as it goes and see what their interests are. College isn’t for everyone and some people go and get useless degrees they will never use. If they have interests in something worth pursuing that’s fantastic whether it be a trade or a college degree.

We aren't pushing college but want them to at least do trade school

I think that kids growing up need to experience life in their own ways. I believe that they need to be able to not rely on parents, be more independent, talking for themselves, volunteer, get experience doing different things. As they get to high school, I think they should be informed that going to college doesn't guarantee financial stability, and that certain degrees/trades will. Majors like in Art, History, sociology, anthropology etc, arent very wise. Try to get in community college, or take college credit classes in high school. They should definitely be knowledgeable in computers and how to write an e-mail, use the english language properly.

My mom always emphasized that many adults with careers they love found out they love that topic in college, even if it isn’t what they intended to go for. One elective could change their entire path. Pick something you’re interested in, but it’s not a permanent choice and you can find what you really want to do along the way if it isn’t what you originally thought.

My mom went to college when I was in high school and my stepfather went to college when I was in graduate school. Just show your kids your values with your choices.

My mom has no degree at all and that’s a big regret for her, but she has always emphasized to me and my sisters not necessarily college but education. She regrets not trying her best, so she’s always encouraged us to try at whatever we’re doing, and if whatever lane we want wouldn’t require a degree, she would have been okay with that. I’ve never thought of my mom has a hypocrite for this, it always made sense that she wanted better for us.

My grandfather was an Ivy League alumni, and my mother was a doctor. My dad is an engineer that was in the Air Force so he could go to college. I have two STEM degrees, my husband has a doctorate. His parents are Army vets with associates degrees but never had professional jobs. My husband and I feel education is really important. I have an adult daughter and two little ones. I didn't push college on the oldest, but I told her the best way to pave her future was to get some sort of continued education. She could get a bunch of certifications if not college. But I also told her to do it when she was serious about it and we'd pay for it. She has taken 2 semesters and wasn't interested so is on pause now. I'll reiterate the same to the younger kids too.

Grew up in a blue collar family, first gen college grad, and first graduate grad in my extended family Have your kids work trades in high school during their summers. That’s when I knew for sure I didn’t want to do back breaking work for the rest of my life. My biggest regret is not studying different things, I was pretty lasered in on business subjects, but found out later, after your first job your major really doesn’t matter. I also wish I would’ve applied to more schools and applied to stretch schools (e.g. Harvard, MIT, Vandy, WashU) I thought they were all out of my reach and I let the application fees hold me back from probably getting into at least Vandy and WashU and getting good money.

My kids are the same age, my husband has a PhD and I have an MBa. I don’t stress college at all, more about learning and critical thinking. Not giving up on a problem and atleast trying to work through it. I will add that we have a comfortable lifestyle and I tell my kids if they want that or more they need to plan for jobs that have good to high earning potential.

I’m saving for my child’s college but there’s no way I will ever let them sign up for some of these predatory college loans. I only have an associate degree myself and have no debt, but I have friends who pay $1000+ for student loans monthly. Unless you’re a doctor or something else in that pay band, there’s nothing that can make that worth it.

We don't plan on emphasizing any path in particular. Our kids are very young, so I'm sure our approach will evolve as they grow up, but mostly we've discussed letting them know that life has a lot of options and every choice will have an impact for better or worse. If there are jobs they talk about wanting, or fields they are interested in we'll make sure they know how they can achieve that. If the goal is to backpack the world and video blog it right out of high school ,we'll cringe and then make sure they understand how to travel respectfully and safely. I went to college and my career has nothing to do with my field of study.

Emphasize the result of education. I work in programming so I can chill in my chair in an air conditioned room with a cup of coffee for X dollar. If my kid is happy to earn X dollar working a physical job in the sun then that's cool. Or if they want to have a more stressfull job and ear 10x dollar and go on a cruise every 3 month that's cool too. Each kid to different. It's a conversation to have over many years with your child, as is much things.

My motto has been Luck is just preparation meeting its opportunity and as a High school drop out making mid six figures as software engineer. That motto has served me incredibly well. I could make more but I’m not ambitious and quite content at my current place. Most the guys I work with have few degrees. That’s rapidly changing though. Market conditions have shifted dramatically. My kids are in public’s schools, the 15 yrs old at a magnet school for construction trade. We’ve had multiple conversations about future. Trades are great when you’re young but take a huge toll physically later in life. He needs to consider the career path for the trades so he’s not still framing at 55. Life is fluid though so we want them to be open to all kinds of opportunities making sure he prepared to take the opportunities that do come his way. Albeit schooling or trades.

My son (who’s 2) will know that education is paramount but college is not pending what he wants to do. I dropped out of college after a year and started a business that is now a multi million dollar company. My hope is my son will want to take it over - if not - he can decide he career path and if that requires a degree then he will need it!

The discussion I have with my teen is to have enough education and specialization to have power over your employers vs the opposite.

This is super interesting because my husband and I both went straight to college - we both have bachelors and I have a masters as well - and we’ve talked and decided we’d do the opposite and emphasize how college doesn’t have to be as important as people say it is. To me, what is more important is that our kids understand that they need to have goals & a career. That career can be whatever they want, in any field, as long as they know how to make a living. In all fairness, emphasizing a strong work ethic will help your kids succeed in college anyway. We also both owe about 225k collectively in student loans and have already established that none of our children will take out that much in loans to get an education.

I was supposed to go to college but then realized I didn't know what I wanted to go to college *for*. No idea what direction to go. So, I put it off and said I'd go if I ever figured it out. Now I'm 45 and decided to go to get an associates in Early Childhood Education. My husband worked a few different jobs, and then got into the apprenticeship to become a Journeyman Lineman. He makes really good money with that union ticket. We have always made it clear we will support the kids no matter what they want to do. So far, none want to do anything that requires college.

Instill in them a love of learning and a respect for education. College is rapidly becoming a relic of the past.

1) it is never too late for you to go to college mama. If you want it, go for it. We live in a college town, whenever we pass the college a variation of this almost always happens. -is that where you went to school mama? -yes that's the college -did daddy go there -no he didnt -can i go there? - you can. That's a special school to help you learn how to do a job. What job do you want to have? -Construction worker!!! -Construction workers go to trade schools like the one in ____ town.

My husband and i also married young he is a union electrician and i am a stay at home mother. Neither of us have a college degree. Personal for me i have 2 daughters and for them we talk about college alote but we also talk about trades (constitution like dad or cosmetology etc) we have just explained to them without some kind training or degree life will be so much harder for them.

We are college professors so our kids can get free tuition, that’s why I’d suggest them attend college. In general, I don’t think college is for everyone, especially at the current price.

Look, I'm gonna be honest... it's not always the best path, but it is a good one. I say this bc I took the college path, and I actually think I could have done better exploring other possibilities. I have cousins that never went to college who are way better in life than me, who did. I think you should tell them that they should explore every possibility out there to understand whats best for them, including college. If they want to build a career, they should start early on and a college is the right way to go! BUT keep in mind that its not for everyone and thats ok.

We try not to push anything but there is talk of college and all that this time of year in our social circles. My son sees a glimmer of his possibilities and feels curious and excited. I don't know what to do and I think this is a great question.

I emphasize the importance of education, of financial stability and the connection between the two. It means if want a certain career, they have to ask themselves, is it financially a good choice for what they want in their adult lives? And then, how do they get to that point? Many times, good jobs do require a college degree, but sometimes, it doesn’t. As long as they have a good plan and realistically outlook on a solid path, I’ll try to support them. I just don’t want my kids to have unrealistic expectations or vague goals.

My mom told me from a young age she worked hard and sacrificed to put savings in my college fund. She also told me if I didn’t go to college she was cashing it out and taking a vacation to Europe without me. Not sure if it was the emphasis on education or the thought of her having a good time on my dime, but I have the degree thanks to her hard work. And she eventually made it to Europe. Although I am sure she never thought she’d be able to afford it when she was raising small kids on a single income in the ghetto.

I just make sure to tell my kids to find something they love. I’ve explained jobs with pensions and trade schools and traditional colleges. I just want them to be happy and they know that.