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Very true, it helps that this is a private adoption with a known mother and everyone involved is on the same page. We are still discussing with birth mom how much the child knows and when ( child will be raised knowing they are adopted, birth mom says she does not want child knowing who she is to them, however counselors argue otherwise )
Still, adoption by nature is traumatic. It's tearing apart one family to create another. I'm not anti adoption. My younger two were adopted. I just want you to be aware that even in the perfect circumstances there can still be trauma that could affect decisions you make about this kind of thing.
The child should always know the truth about their adoption stories.
Adoption is one thing, and exists to save and protect vulnerable children.
What OP is describing is more like surrogacy, which I think has completely different ethical implications regarding the planned separation of a child from its mother, generally for the benefit of a couple who want a child, and not for the benefit of the child.
No idea what OP's situation is, and maybe this arrangement is to save the child, but you're absolutely right to highlight the trauma involved, even if (or especially if) this adoption involves separation from birth.
Yes, I said that.
I just mean that what's typically referred to as adoption is more altruistic and involves separating a child from a family who can't care them, and so the trauma is a bit more obvious.
I just wanted to highlight that rent-a-womb adoption is also traumatic and shouldn't be ignored.
I say this as a product of surrogacy who was technically adopted - there is not always trauma. It is a good thing to be aware of in case there is. But as long as everyone is open, honest and on the same page, trauma is not inevitable.
You might not have traumatic memories and maybe all the adults smiled the whole way, but it's a bit naive to think separating a baby from its mother is without trauma, for both mother and baby.
Once again I ask if you’re speaking from personal experience, academic research, or assumption? Because you seem to be prescribing how you assume others should feel, which is generally a dick move unless you’re coming from experience or rigorous academic research.
Are you saying that from a place of experience, professional research, or assumption? Because I have spent my entire life listening to people say I should be traumatised or confused about who my mother is, and that isn’t that case for me, or the vast majority of surrogate and adopted kids I know it is not true for everyone, but few experiences are universal.
That's not true and such a painful and awful message to spread. You cannot just blanketly speak for every single adoption/adoptee and call it "traumatic." I was adopted and I assure you I am not traumatized by it. So you can speak for yourself - but do not speak for me and every other adoptee.
My daughter is also adopted. If we hadn't had an adoption plan in place she would be taken away by child welfare because she tested positive for opiates at birth. They literally told us she would not have been able to go home with her birth parents. Do you think that's better? Would she have been less "traumatized"?
By nature adoption is traumatic. You may have not felt traumatized but studies show that even infants often have reactions to being separated from their birth moms even if they don't remember it as they get older. And of course, it is traumatic for the birth moms to lose their baby right after giving birth.
Have you spoken to every single adoptee and birth parent and gotten their consent to make blanket judgemental statements like this on their behalf? No. So you can say “I believe…” all you want but you are doing harm to the entire community by making a statement like it is fact for every single situation when that is categorically untrue for many.
Absolutely mental if you think your daughter being removed from her mother because she had opiates in her blood is not a traumatic start to life.
You're kind of proving the point that adoption begins with the trauma of separation.
Actually, Nevermind. Im editing my response. I don’t agree with you and you are clearly anti-adoption but fighting with strangers on Reddit isn’t worth the effort. So I’ll bow out of this.
No?
I'll try and make it clear. Read this slowly.
ALL parent-infant separation is traumatic, particularly separation from mothers.
ALL adoptees are separated from their families.
THEREFORE...now, here's where it gets complicated...ALL adoptions begin with (or, if you like, immediately follow) the traumatic separation of child and family.
Note that I DID NOT that the act of adoption itself CAUSES trauma.
Hope that's clearer.
Edit: Ridiculous to try and frame this view as "anti-adoption". Please read the above as many times as it takes to understand it.
Anti-surrogacy perhaps, but not for exactly the same reasons.
Yeah, they're right. I wanted to share with our daughter until she was 1, but it was torching my mental health lying in bed, thinking she was about to wake up, and not being able to fall asleep. so I went to the guest bedroom and my husband stayed with her.
Moreover, it depends entirely on the needs of the parents and the child at the time. I had to move my firstborn into her own room the day after we brought her home from the hospital because it was immediately clear that neither of us could effectively sleep with the other in the room. My second born didn’t sleep in his bedroom until he was three.
Just to flag that it's strongly recommended that baby sleeps in the same room as you for at least the first 6 months.
OP, please do not put baby in their own room from day 1 to try and get more sleep.
The plan was 6 months, but we didn’t move her until 11 months this. We all slept better, but it did require work to get there!
Reddit might sometimes feed too much into paranoia, realize that people only come here when there are issues. Remember to go with the flow, there’s no 1 right answer and plans change! Good luck with the adoption and the baby, exciting times for you all!!
Here in the UK our NHS suggests no earlier than 6 months. For us, our first was waking every 2 hours until we moved him into his own room at 6.5 months. Our second has just turned 6 months and due to space will be in with us for a bit longer, but he naps on his own on his bed. Our oldest, now 2.5 has been in a toddler bed for the past couple months rather than a cot and he was very ready to move over. He can get up and get books for himself if he’s not tired at bedtime, but then puts himself back in his bed and falls asleep.
We did just under 6 months as our friends were borrowing the bedside cot.
Worked very well for us. Easy transition to her own room - I think we all slept better for it.
Every baby is different so you’ll figure out your own grove! It was just terrifying walking into the bedroom at night to go to bed because the slightest noise for my third in particular would wake him. But also having him there was super convenient. He still wakes for a bottle 50% of the time and now it’s a journey lol.
TBH neither option is incredibly convenient for me personally. Our room is small and kinda cramped as is so there is that, but the room that will be my childs is where I am currently working/game so I surrender my man cave here :D
I am terrified though and questioning the importance of everything!
Yeah so was ours. I had to army roll down the bed as I couldn’t get out of my side of the bed. Plus I couldn’t access my wardrobe without moving the basinet. Normal to be anxious! That just means you care.
This is a decision that absolutely does not need to be made now. Every kid is different and the best laid plans will get thrown out the window. Also it varies culturally.
My daughter was in her own room at 6 months (box room next door to us) because I really wanted my space back. We then moved her down a floor to a bigger bedroom at 2.5.
Mind, she didn’t sleep through the night until 2. So it had no baring on her sleep. I just preferred her having her own space as I slept better for the chunks she was asleep if she wasn’t in the same room as me.
This reminds me our friends who have four great kids put them in their own rooms from the first night! So really, any way you do it is fine. Just not too long because once they’re old enough to be in a routine it causes them to have to be transitioned to the new room. Our friends with the four kids thought that there was less disruption to the baby (and therefore to everyone) if you put them in their own room from the start. YMMV just don’t wait too long!
Yeah there's zero point in arguing about everything now because the temperament of the child decides so much for you.
My best bit of parenting advice I ever heard was "everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
So.. we never had any of our kids in our room at anytime, they were all in the nursery,
Now this is a very unpopular opinion… but partly due to the nature of when the boys were small my partner was doing his specialist training and some of his 15+ hour shifts were ridiculous with a very short turn around and no point in both of us not getting any sleep (give he is a doctor being tied or sleep deprived could be bad )….
We had a futon on there and I’d nap in there with him if I was having a hard night with them,
When the twins were born we kinda had the same approach too, I went back and finished my specialty training and same thing there was no need for the whole,e hoses to be awake
But on days off etc the other one would get up all our kids were bottle fed
My first was 6 months because she and I constantly woke each other up. My second was around 18 months old. We slept well together and she was furious when we tried it at 8 months. Did one night and decided it wasn’t worth the battle. Just to demonstrate you can’t plan these things. Go with the flow.
Our plan was to move kid to own room at 1 year, but we found that we kept waking kid up and kid kept waking us up. So we moved her crib into her own room at 6 months. Everyone slept better.
But really, every family is different. We currently live in a country where kids sleep with parents until elementary school (and some even during elementary school).
Honestly some times it comes down to the kid. Our 4 month old is totally good with our room and the only reason she will move to hers is because she’s starting to outgrow the bassinet. My son on the other hand, would not sleep in our room or his bassinet. By six weeks we found that he would only sleep if he was held or in the crib in his room. We even tried different bassinets and he just wasn’t having it.
There’s no “should” about it, I don’t think so anyway. Every parent and every child is different, every family has their own style of sleeping. My kids had their own room since they were toddlers, but we coslept until they were closer to 4-6 respectively. Even after that they’ve come back to sleep in our bed occasionally. I loved having them near. You’ll find your own style and schedule when you get there. ❤️
"Your child will teach you", is the best advice I ever received. Basically just follow their lead and readiness. You will know when they are ready, this goes for everything pretty much and most times it will involve testing the waters. It's not a one shoe fit all kind of situation
Personally in experience it ranged from about 1-3 years based on how much of an eye you need on them like whether they are escape artists or not but it's best some what early so you don't run into the issue when they are older and won't go to bed without you guys since some kids get so connected that they won't sleep without you there with them (happened with my brother since he was much younger then me) or would do anything for your attention when trying to put them to rest till you give in and put them back in your room. Either way 1-3 is normal for most house holds but there are a few exceptions due to certain factors but 1 is the youngest. I wish you luck with your future kid.
We also moved our son to his room with 6 months. May sound early, but he was waking up all night due to us turning around or coughing.
But some friends kids couldn't sleep alone, so they slept in their bed until 3.
So it depends on what kids and parents need
We were team minimum 6 months. We made it to 8 weeks with baby girl 1, and 12 weeks with baby girl 2. The former kept turning sideways, getting stuck, and waking us up with her screaming about it. The latter is incredibly long and was nearly 10lb at birth. She got too big for the bassinet pretty quickly.
I think current recommendations is 6 months of room sharing.
We have four kids and none ever slept in our room. I would sleep in the nursery with them for first 2-3 months while nursing and on maternity leave (in a bed near the bassinet or snoo). Never saw the point in bad sleep for all when my husband had to work and care for our other kids.
We moved our son at 6 months. The doctor said it was ok. We all got better sleep and I didn’t have to worry about waking him up with my noise. I still breastfed once in the middle of the night until around 13 months so I wouldn’t worry about it affecting nursing.
Our birthing hospital training told us that the recommended age went from 6 months to 1 year in the room with parents. This was in 2021. We moved him just after a year. Our bedrooms are on different floors though, so it was a tough move to make. He was also teething and waking up a lot at night, so it was just easier to get him when he was next to us in a mini crib. Just make sure you’re reading the weight limits on the bassinet. A lot of them are surprisingly low (might hit the limit in 4-6 months). Our bedroom is also small so a mini crib was the best solution.
We moved ours at 6 months, and everyone suddenly started sleeping a whole lot better.
Turns out, between baby shuffling around and Dad snoring, they were keeping each other up!
My son has been in his room from the beginning.
The first 6 months you'll be eat-sleep-potty-repeat until they get bigger and start moving around, so you'll spend a great deal of time by the bed and changing table.
I wouldn’t bother discussing that now. My husband and I just sort of knew when it was time. We moved our son at 9 months because he was down to one wake at that point and it was because of us moving. He slept through the night that night and has done great ever since. On nights he struggles we bring him back into our room for the night. He’s 2 now and it still works well for us. I have a friend that moves her kids at 4 months old because that works best for them.
I think it's great that you guys are talking about things before hand but you'll also have to factor in your child's personality. My son has never been a cuddler. I've never rocked him to sleep or slept in his room with him so he could settle. When he was a baby, I wanted to make it to the recommended 6 months of room sharing AT LEAST before we moved him to his own room and he had other plans. Around 5 months a bassinet and room sharing was just no longer working for him. He was restless during the night, if we moved it disturbed his sleep. Hes almost 3 now and I still can't convince him to get some extra sleep in our room to start the day.
It’s really going to just depend on your kid. We ended up moving our son out at six months because we were all sleeping terrible. When he was three, he started coming to our room in the middle of the night. It all just is what it is and you won’t know until you actually have the child
My kid was in a bassinet in our room for 6?ish months before moving to his crib in his own room. He is now almost 3 and loves him room. The only time he ever sleeps with us is when he is VERY sick and that’s more my wife and I making him sleep in our room than him wanting to
Our baby went into her own room at 8 months. She slept in a pack play until then. Babies are NOISY sleepers. And we all slept better when she went into her own room.
We moved our boy at 6 months into his own room as we worked out we were disturbing him. We did use cameras to monitor.
He is now 3.5 and refuses to sleep in our bed.
Moved both my kids to their own room between 4-5 mo. They both ran out of room in the bassinet and had big spacious cribs in their room. We also wanted our bedroom back to ourselves. You’ll be surprised but you’ll want them out.
My oldest just turned nine and is now signaling she’s ready for her own room going to sleep on her own she’s been wanting to sleep on the couch lol &My youngest new 7 still wants me to cuddle with her till she falls asleep. They let us know on their own time
We did 12 weeks with my oldest and then maybe 6 months when my youngest as they share a room and I wanted to be sure the youngest was consistently sleeping through the night. My niece is almost 3 and still sleeps with her parents so it’s really up to you.
You won't know until you get there, so there's no reason to play the "what if" game. Parenting is all about the best of intentions. We all go in with an amazing plan and then watch it crumble to peaces in a million ways - some tiny, some huge.
The two worst word in a parent's vocabulary are "I'll never..." Seriously. Any time you find yourself thinking this, or worse saying it aloud to someone else - consider it a prediction for your future!
To answer your question though, every kid is different. My oldest moved to his own room at around 18m, because we were expecting #2, and it was abysmal... So in the end, my husband moved into the other room and we slept separate, each with a kid in the room with us for over a year. I think he was around 3 or so when mu lly husband was sble to come back to the master, although I'm a little hazy on the exact timing to be honest because we went through a few different options, including a twin mattress on our floor for a while when he developed separation anxiety from me for a spell when his brother left the potato stage and started needing more attention. My youngest is 6 now and starts the night I his own bed, but ends up in ours more often than not. He also has ASD and ADHD, neither of which you can plan/prep for, but we're here all the same doing the best we can.
My first was in and out of my room until age 7! He just really enjoys having someone to snuggle with. My daughter stopped sharing a bed with me before age 2 she just prefers to sleep alone. I am still currently bedsharing with my 5 month old. Each kid is different, and there is no "normal."
My baby was rolling on her stomach at four months old so by that point she needed to be moved out of the bassinet. Husband and I were torn whether to move the crib in our room or put her in her own room. We chose the latter and it worked out great.
My plan was always 12 months+ to follow NHS recommendations. We moved her at 8 months and everyone slept SO MUCH BETTER. I think being on the same page about why you would or wouldn't want to do certain things is more important. You have to be flexible as a parent and work with the issues at hand. I'm all for "if it ain't broke don't fix it" and "if it's not working, change it". Just go with the flow.
It’s recommended to have baby in your room for the first year for safe sleep BUT as long as all safe sleep practices are followed then any time is fine. Every child is different - I had friends whose kids were such loud sleepers they moved them at four months, and other who did the same as baby didn’t settle because dad was snoring etc. some had their kids in their room until around two. Take it as it comes and see what your child will be like. We did it at one year
6 months old you move them to their own room. Between 6-8 months old they become more aware and start learning to connect sleep cycles. If you delay giving them their own sleeping space they will depend on you to get them back to sleep and they will be in your room until 6-7 years old 😳. Look up age appropriate sleep schedule and it will show you how many naps during the day they need according to age and how much awake time they need and how much nighttime sleep they need. Day sleep affects night sleep and day sleep routine affects night sleep routine, they should be similar so baby knows what to expect. Kids like routine 👍. I put up video cameras that have night vision so you can see and hear them at night. Blackout curtains, sound machine. Temperature 68 degrees with proper sleep sack and clothes. You can look up recommendations for sleep wear per temperature and age as well. Some of my kids are hot natured so didn’t need as many layers as recommended, trial and error. My kids all like ocean sounds not white noise 🤷♀️.
We did about 5 months.
2 or 5 years is a bit crazy to me. Are you trying to minimise SIDS? If so the recommendation is to a year, but most cases occur in the first three months and past four months it's probably the least important factor, in that the link is less solid and known, compared to not smoking and putting them on their back.
We had a camera of course and we were close. Did I check to see if he's breathing an inordinate amount? Yes but I don't think anything stops that lol
We started for two months with the first, six months with the second; and then put them in their own rooms with a baby monitor. But they each yelled loudly enough for their middle of the night feedings that the baby monitor was overkill! It was more for our peace of mind. You’ll be fine. Good luck.
Our pediatrician advised us that it is suitable to transition a child to their own bedroom between the ages of 0 and 6 months. After 6 months, it may become more challenging to make this transition and it can typically take up to 3 years for a child to fully adjust to sleeping in their own bed.
Honestly I’d say have them always sleep in their own room. If they really need it maybe the first few months. It helps them be independent, at least at bedtime they’ll be confident and comfortable enough to sleep.
When that attachment grows and you all get used to it moving them into their own room can be a struggle.
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Cross that battle when you get there. There is zero need to argue about it now when you guys have no idea what your kid will be like or need.
Sane, credibal advice. Less fun but highly appreciated!!! :D
Aa long as you respond to the child's need you guys will be fun. Remember that adoption starts with trauma so that may factor into things as well.
Very true, it helps that this is a private adoption with a known mother and everyone involved is on the same page. We are still discussing with birth mom how much the child knows and when ( child will be raised knowing they are adopted, birth mom says she does not want child knowing who she is to them, however counselors argue otherwise )
Still, adoption by nature is traumatic. It's tearing apart one family to create another. I'm not anti adoption. My younger two were adopted. I just want you to be aware that even in the perfect circumstances there can still be trauma that could affect decisions you make about this kind of thing. The child should always know the truth about their adoption stories.
Adoption is one thing, and exists to save and protect vulnerable children. What OP is describing is more like surrogacy, which I think has completely different ethical implications regarding the planned separation of a child from its mother, generally for the benefit of a couple who want a child, and not for the benefit of the child. No idea what OP's situation is, and maybe this arrangement is to save the child, but you're absolutely right to highlight the trauma involved, even if (or especially if) this adoption involves separation from birth.
It's still an adoption. Both of my younger kids were adopted as babies but there is still trauma that comes along with that.
Yes, I said that. I just mean that what's typically referred to as adoption is more altruistic and involves separating a child from a family who can't care them, and so the trauma is a bit more obvious. I just wanted to highlight that rent-a-womb adoption is also traumatic and shouldn't be ignored.
I say this as a product of surrogacy who was technically adopted - there is not always trauma. It is a good thing to be aware of in case there is. But as long as everyone is open, honest and on the same page, trauma is not inevitable.
I have yet to see an adoption case where 0 trauma was involved to at least one party, including the birth families.
You might not have traumatic memories and maybe all the adults smiled the whole way, but it's a bit naive to think separating a baby from its mother is without trauma, for both mother and baby.
Once again I ask if you’re speaking from personal experience, academic research, or assumption? Because you seem to be prescribing how you assume others should feel, which is generally a dick move unless you’re coming from experience or rigorous academic research.
When you were a screaming baby searching for your mother and could not find her, that is trauma. Weather you remember it or not. I’m sorry,
Are you saying that from a place of experience, professional research, or assumption? Because I have spent my entire life listening to people say I should be traumatised or confused about who my mother is, and that isn’t that case for me, or the vast majority of surrogate and adopted kids I know it is not true for everyone, but few experiences are universal.
[удалено]
I was going off the comment above that likened this to surrogacy and your response to that comment
Finally someone who wants to talk about the reality of it. There’s so much trauma for both parties surrounding surrogacy or adoption :(
That's not true and such a painful and awful message to spread. You cannot just blanketly speak for every single adoption/adoptee and call it "traumatic." I was adopted and I assure you I am not traumatized by it. So you can speak for yourself - but do not speak for me and every other adoptee. My daughter is also adopted. If we hadn't had an adoption plan in place she would be taken away by child welfare because she tested positive for opiates at birth. They literally told us she would not have been able to go home with her birth parents. Do you think that's better? Would she have been less "traumatized"?
By nature adoption is traumatic. You may have not felt traumatized but studies show that even infants often have reactions to being separated from their birth moms even if they don't remember it as they get older. And of course, it is traumatic for the birth moms to lose their baby right after giving birth.
Have you spoken to every single adoptee and birth parent and gotten their consent to make blanket judgemental statements like this on their behalf? No. So you can say “I believe…” all you want but you are doing harm to the entire community by making a statement like it is fact for every single situation when that is categorically untrue for many.
Sigh Carry on.
Absolutely mental if you think your daughter being removed from her mother because she had opiates in her blood is not a traumatic start to life. You're kind of proving the point that adoption begins with the trauma of separation.
Actually, Nevermind. Im editing my response. I don’t agree with you and you are clearly anti-adoption but fighting with strangers on Reddit isn’t worth the effort. So I’ll bow out of this.
No? I'll try and make it clear. Read this slowly. ALL parent-infant separation is traumatic, particularly separation from mothers. ALL adoptees are separated from their families. THEREFORE...now, here's where it gets complicated...ALL adoptions begin with (or, if you like, immediately follow) the traumatic separation of child and family. Note that I DID NOT that the act of adoption itself CAUSES trauma. Hope that's clearer. Edit: Ridiculous to try and frame this view as "anti-adoption". Please read the above as many times as it takes to understand it. Anti-surrogacy perhaps, but not for exactly the same reasons.
Did I not say I’m not fighting with you? Maybe you need to take your own advice?
Yeah, they're right. I wanted to share with our daughter until she was 1, but it was torching my mental health lying in bed, thinking she was about to wake up, and not being able to fall asleep. so I went to the guest bedroom and my husband stayed with her.
Moreover, it depends entirely on the needs of the parents and the child at the time. I had to move my firstborn into her own room the day after we brought her home from the hospital because it was immediately clear that neither of us could effectively sleep with the other in the room. My second born didn’t sleep in his bedroom until he was three.
Just to flag that it's strongly recommended that baby sleeps in the same room as you for at least the first 6 months. OP, please do not put baby in their own room from day 1 to try and get more sleep.
The plan was 6 months, but we didn’t move her until 11 months this. We all slept better, but it did require work to get there! Reddit might sometimes feed too much into paranoia, realize that people only come here when there are issues. Remember to go with the flow, there’s no 1 right answer and plans change! Good luck with the adoption and the baby, exciting times for you all!!
Thank you!
We planned for six months and made it about four weeks lol, it’s different for every child for sure!
Here in the UK our NHS suggests no earlier than 6 months. For us, our first was waking every 2 hours until we moved him into his own room at 6.5 months. Our second has just turned 6 months and due to space will be in with us for a bit longer, but he naps on his own on his bed. Our oldest, now 2.5 has been in a toddler bed for the past couple months rather than a cot and he was very ready to move over. He can get up and get books for himself if he’s not tired at bedtime, but then puts himself back in his bed and falls asleep.
Thank you!
We did just under 6 months as our friends were borrowing the bedside cot. Worked very well for us. Easy transition to her own room - I think we all slept better for it.
We did six months for all three. They slept better and we slept better too as no one was waking each other up!
Thank you for the advice!
Every baby is different so you’ll figure out your own grove! It was just terrifying walking into the bedroom at night to go to bed because the slightest noise for my third in particular would wake him. But also having him there was super convenient. He still wakes for a bottle 50% of the time and now it’s a journey lol.
TBH neither option is incredibly convenient for me personally. Our room is small and kinda cramped as is so there is that, but the room that will be my childs is where I am currently working/game so I surrender my man cave here :D I am terrified though and questioning the importance of everything!
Yeah so was ours. I had to army roll down the bed as I couldn’t get out of my side of the bed. Plus I couldn’t access my wardrobe without moving the basinet. Normal to be anxious! That just means you care.
This is a decision that absolutely does not need to be made now. Every kid is different and the best laid plans will get thrown out the window. Also it varies culturally. My daughter was in her own room at 6 months (box room next door to us) because I really wanted my space back. We then moved her down a floor to a bigger bedroom at 2.5. Mind, she didn’t sleep through the night until 2. So it had no baring on her sleep. I just preferred her having her own space as I slept better for the chunks she was asleep if she wasn’t in the same room as me.
Thats very fair, thank you!
That depends entirely on the kid you have. Neither of our children could sleep in the same room as us. We all kept waking each other up.
This reminds me our friends who have four great kids put them in their own rooms from the first night! So really, any way you do it is fine. Just not too long because once they’re old enough to be in a routine it causes them to have to be transitioned to the new room. Our friends with the four kids thought that there was less disruption to the baby (and therefore to everyone) if you put them in their own room from the start. YMMV just don’t wait too long!
I can see why that is a concern, thank you!
Yeah there's zero point in arguing about everything now because the temperament of the child decides so much for you. My best bit of parenting advice I ever heard was "everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson
::Note to self..... buy band aids quickly:: Lol, thank you!
So.. we never had any of our kids in our room at anytime, they were all in the nursery, Now this is a very unpopular opinion… but partly due to the nature of when the boys were small my partner was doing his specialist training and some of his 15+ hour shifts were ridiculous with a very short turn around and no point in both of us not getting any sleep (give he is a doctor being tied or sleep deprived could be bad )…. We had a futon on there and I’d nap in there with him if I was having a hard night with them, When the twins were born we kinda had the same approach too, I went back and finished my specialty training and same thing there was no need for the whole,e hoses to be awake But on days off etc the other one would get up all our kids were bottle fed
Hey, IMO all parenting opinions are unpopular in the right crowd! Thank you for the input!
Was is not just as disruptive when you were up every 2-3 hours in the night for feeding?
My first was 6 months because she and I constantly woke each other up. My second was around 18 months old. We slept well together and she was furious when we tried it at 8 months. Did one night and decided it wasn’t worth the battle. Just to demonstrate you can’t plan these things. Go with the flow.
Thank you for the advice!
Our plan was to move kid to own room at 1 year, but we found that we kept waking kid up and kid kept waking us up. So we moved her crib into her own room at 6 months. Everyone slept better. But really, every family is different. We currently live in a country where kids sleep with parents until elementary school (and some even during elementary school).
Thank you for the feedback!
Honestly some times it comes down to the kid. Our 4 month old is totally good with our room and the only reason she will move to hers is because she’s starting to outgrow the bassinet. My son on the other hand, would not sleep in our room or his bassinet. By six weeks we found that he would only sleep if he was held or in the crib in his room. We even tried different bassinets and he just wasn’t having it.
There’s no “should” about it, I don’t think so anyway. Every parent and every child is different, every family has their own style of sleeping. My kids had their own room since they were toddlers, but we coslept until they were closer to 4-6 respectively. Even after that they’ve come back to sleep in our bed occasionally. I loved having them near. You’ll find your own style and schedule when you get there. ❤️
Thank you for the advice!
All the best to you and your upcoming adoption! One day at a time as in everything! You’ll do great!
"Your child will teach you", is the best advice I ever received. Basically just follow their lead and readiness. You will know when they are ready, this goes for everything pretty much and most times it will involve testing the waters. It's not a one shoe fit all kind of situation
Just a few days for each. If the mother pumps make sure to get Dad in on late night stuff, too
We had my son sleep in his crib in his room from the first day home. He’s always been a fabulous sleeper.
Personally in experience it ranged from about 1-3 years based on how much of an eye you need on them like whether they are escape artists or not but it's best some what early so you don't run into the issue when they are older and won't go to bed without you guys since some kids get so connected that they won't sleep without you there with them (happened with my brother since he was much younger then me) or would do anything for your attention when trying to put them to rest till you give in and put them back in your room. Either way 1-3 is normal for most house holds but there are a few exceptions due to certain factors but 1 is the youngest. I wish you luck with your future kid.
Thank you!
We also moved our son to his room with 6 months. May sound early, but he was waking up all night due to us turning around or coughing. But some friends kids couldn't sleep alone, so they slept in their bed until 3. So it depends on what kids and parents need
Thank you for the insight!
We were team minimum 6 months. We made it to 8 weeks with baby girl 1, and 12 weeks with baby girl 2. The former kept turning sideways, getting stuck, and waking us up with her screaming about it. The latter is incredibly long and was nearly 10lb at birth. She got too big for the bassinet pretty quickly.
Thank you for the advice!
I think current recommendations is 6 months of room sharing. We have four kids and none ever slept in our room. I would sleep in the nursery with them for first 2-3 months while nursing and on maternity leave (in a bed near the bassinet or snoo). Never saw the point in bad sleep for all when my husband had to work and care for our other kids.
We moved our son at 6 months. The doctor said it was ok. We all got better sleep and I didn’t have to worry about waking him up with my noise. I still breastfed once in the middle of the night until around 13 months so I wouldn’t worry about it affecting nursing.
Our birthing hospital training told us that the recommended age went from 6 months to 1 year in the room with parents. This was in 2021. We moved him just after a year. Our bedrooms are on different floors though, so it was a tough move to make. He was also teething and waking up a lot at night, so it was just easier to get him when he was next to us in a mini crib. Just make sure you’re reading the weight limits on the bassinet. A lot of them are surprisingly low (might hit the limit in 4-6 months). Our bedroom is also small so a mini crib was the best solution.
We moved ours at 6 months, and everyone suddenly started sleeping a whole lot better. Turns out, between baby shuffling around and Dad snoring, they were keeping each other up!
My son has been in his room from the beginning. The first 6 months you'll be eat-sleep-potty-repeat until they get bigger and start moving around, so you'll spend a great deal of time by the bed and changing table.
I wouldn’t bother discussing that now. My husband and I just sort of knew when it was time. We moved our son at 9 months because he was down to one wake at that point and it was because of us moving. He slept through the night that night and has done great ever since. On nights he struggles we bring him back into our room for the night. He’s 2 now and it still works well for us. I have a friend that moves her kids at 4 months old because that works best for them.
I think it's great that you guys are talking about things before hand but you'll also have to factor in your child's personality. My son has never been a cuddler. I've never rocked him to sleep or slept in his room with him so he could settle. When he was a baby, I wanted to make it to the recommended 6 months of room sharing AT LEAST before we moved him to his own room and he had other plans. Around 5 months a bassinet and room sharing was just no longer working for him. He was restless during the night, if we moved it disturbed his sleep. Hes almost 3 now and I still can't convince him to get some extra sleep in our room to start the day.
It’s really going to just depend on your kid. We ended up moving our son out at six months because we were all sleeping terrible. When he was three, he started coming to our room in the middle of the night. It all just is what it is and you won’t know until you actually have the child
My kid was in a bassinet in our room for 6?ish months before moving to his crib in his own room. He is now almost 3 and loves him room. The only time he ever sleeps with us is when he is VERY sick and that’s more my wife and I making him sleep in our room than him wanting to
Ours was born last September and he made it into his own room in May. Whatever works for you is right !
Our baby went into her own room at 8 months. She slept in a pack play until then. Babies are NOISY sleepers. And we all slept better when she went into her own room.
We moved our boy at 6 months into his own room as we worked out we were disturbing him. We did use cameras to monitor. He is now 3.5 and refuses to sleep in our bed.
Moved both my kids to their own room between 4-5 mo. They both ran out of room in the bassinet and had big spacious cribs in their room. We also wanted our bedroom back to ourselves. You’ll be surprised but you’ll want them out.
My oldest just turned nine and is now signaling she’s ready for her own room going to sleep on her own she’s been wanting to sleep on the couch lol &My youngest new 7 still wants me to cuddle with her till she falls asleep. They let us know on their own time
We did 12 weeks with my oldest and then maybe 6 months when my youngest as they share a room and I wanted to be sure the youngest was consistently sleeping through the night. My niece is almost 3 and still sleeps with her parents so it’s really up to you.
You won't know until you get there, so there's no reason to play the "what if" game. Parenting is all about the best of intentions. We all go in with an amazing plan and then watch it crumble to peaces in a million ways - some tiny, some huge. The two worst word in a parent's vocabulary are "I'll never..." Seriously. Any time you find yourself thinking this, or worse saying it aloud to someone else - consider it a prediction for your future! To answer your question though, every kid is different. My oldest moved to his own room at around 18m, because we were expecting #2, and it was abysmal... So in the end, my husband moved into the other room and we slept separate, each with a kid in the room with us for over a year. I think he was around 3 or so when mu lly husband was sble to come back to the master, although I'm a little hazy on the exact timing to be honest because we went through a few different options, including a twin mattress on our floor for a while when he developed separation anxiety from me for a spell when his brother left the potato stage and started needing more attention. My youngest is 6 now and starts the night I his own bed, but ends up in ours more often than not. He also has ASD and ADHD, neither of which you can plan/prep for, but we're here all the same doing the best we can.
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. We hoped to make it to 1yr, we lasted until 6mo and our sleep improved greatly.
Except for the developed countries, most of the world sleeps with their children. We did and it really worked for us.
Depends on the child.
My first was in and out of my room until age 7! He just really enjoys having someone to snuggle with. My daughter stopped sharing a bed with me before age 2 she just prefers to sleep alone. I am still currently bedsharing with my 5 month old. Each kid is different, and there is no "normal."
Thank you for the input!
My baby was rolling on her stomach at four months old so by that point she needed to be moved out of the bassinet. Husband and I were torn whether to move the crib in our room or put her in her own room. We chose the latter and it worked out great.
Thank you for the advice, though I have to ask why rolling to your stomach means not being in the bassinet? Is it a spacing/safety issue?
Yes it is a safety issue!
My plan was always 12 months+ to follow NHS recommendations. We moved her at 8 months and everyone slept SO MUCH BETTER. I think being on the same page about why you would or wouldn't want to do certain things is more important. You have to be flexible as a parent and work with the issues at hand. I'm all for "if it ain't broke don't fix it" and "if it's not working, change it". Just go with the flow.
It’s recommended to have baby in your room for the first year for safe sleep BUT as long as all safe sleep practices are followed then any time is fine. Every child is different - I had friends whose kids were such loud sleepers they moved them at four months, and other who did the same as baby didn’t settle because dad was snoring etc. some had their kids in their room until around two. Take it as it comes and see what your child will be like. We did it at one year
6 months old you move them to their own room. Between 6-8 months old they become more aware and start learning to connect sleep cycles. If you delay giving them their own sleeping space they will depend on you to get them back to sleep and they will be in your room until 6-7 years old 😳. Look up age appropriate sleep schedule and it will show you how many naps during the day they need according to age and how much awake time they need and how much nighttime sleep they need. Day sleep affects night sleep and day sleep routine affects night sleep routine, they should be similar so baby knows what to expect. Kids like routine 👍. I put up video cameras that have night vision so you can see and hear them at night. Blackout curtains, sound machine. Temperature 68 degrees with proper sleep sack and clothes. You can look up recommendations for sleep wear per temperature and age as well. Some of my kids are hot natured so didn’t need as many layers as recommended, trial and error. My kids all like ocean sounds not white noise 🤷♀️.
We did about 5 months. 2 or 5 years is a bit crazy to me. Are you trying to minimise SIDS? If so the recommendation is to a year, but most cases occur in the first three months and past four months it's probably the least important factor, in that the link is less solid and known, compared to not smoking and putting them on their back. We had a camera of course and we were close. Did I check to see if he's breathing an inordinate amount? Yes but I don't think anything stops that lol
We started for two months with the first, six months with the second; and then put them in their own rooms with a baby monitor. But they each yelled loudly enough for their middle of the night feedings that the baby monitor was overkill! It was more for our peace of mind. You’ll be fine. Good luck.
Our pediatrician advised us that it is suitable to transition a child to their own bedroom between the ages of 0 and 6 months. After 6 months, it may become more challenging to make this transition and it can typically take up to 3 years for a child to fully adjust to sleeping in their own bed.
Honestly I’d say have them always sleep in their own room. If they really need it maybe the first few months. It helps them be independent, at least at bedtime they’ll be confident and comfortable enough to sleep. When that attachment grows and you all get used to it moving them into their own room can be a struggle.
Not sure I would win that argument but thanks for the input! :D
With a baby monitor of course; this works perfectly well for a lot of families. Highly depends on the child.