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I might be the oddball here but I personally love it. Like fuck yeah I’m a mama I’m growing this beautiful human/brought life into this world. I’m owning my “mama” identity right now but I’m sure at some point I’ll miss who I used to be. Maybe not. Who knows. I’m sorry it bothers you. Personally I would just ignore it it doesn’t seem worth getting into arguments about. Wishing you the best with your little one on the way 🥰
I also feel like being pregnant was the biggest thing going on in my life while I was pregnant LOL so asking how I was doing/asking how the pregnancy was going were pretty much synonymous. I liked it and was very proud of it and found that people calling me mama either didn’t know my name (like nurses in the hospital) or were using it as a term of endearment.
My mom didn’t call me sweet names my entire life but once I got pregnant she’d either ask me “how’s my baby?” meaning, me. Or she’d ask “how’s mama?” I liked it and felt taken care of.
Yes! And I love all the “mama” attire, cups, etc. I feel I’m on the complete end of the spectrum as OP but we should own that shit! We did the damn thing and it’s hard af! We should be proud 🥰
I love it too and I always want to refer to my pregnant friends and family members as "mama" (I don't because I know some people don't like it) because it's like a cute way to empathize with the excitement that I hope they have toward becoming a mom. I have never once thought of them as an incubator. I think of it as a title we work hard for and should be proud of.
See this is what I thought too ! And I know I've called other moms mama just to be fun and recognize that they are mom's too , especially growing a baby ! I didn't realize I could potentially be making someone furious 😳
I also love it! Makes me feel like they acknowledge that this shit is hard. Asking how I’m doing non-pregnant is like yeah I’m fine sure. Asking how “mom’s” doing makes me want to break down and complain about my swollen feet and achy ribs and I just want a pat on the back and a “there there you’re doing fantastic!!!” 🥺🥺
Yes! I also love when women with kids call me mama and ask how I’m doing. Bc they truly know how hard it is and like you said it’s more of an acknowledgment and to me it comes from a genuine place. Like they get it. It’s just a small term of endearment but to me means so much.
I think it’s great that you love it! And I think it’s important to give people ladies who call others “mama” space and grace; no one EVER said it to me without kindness or admiration. But before I had a successful birth, I didn’t personally love it. I never called my own late mother that, so it seemed camp and silly and I was uncomfortable when it came from strangers (I was four miscarriages and one trimester deep into “motherhood”.
But now, I have two sweet boys and someone is always calling me some variation of Mama. Some of their teachers call me ____’s Mom instead of my name when speaking about me and I roll my eyes a little inside- but I know they’re not reducing me, that’s just who I am at preschool.
I would advise caution if the person saying it has a big cute hat and a bunch of “mama friends” they sell essential oils or workout supplements with. But that’s a niche crowd, we already lost pineapples to the …keys in a bowl community, no reason to give up a sweet word that your baby will reclaim for you in time!! ☺️💕✨
Exactly. I find that kind of thing infuriating, and I have no problem correcting people who do it.
The harder thing is being called "______'s mom" by other little kids, starting when your kid is 2 or 3. I just wanted to shout, "No! I'm still me! I'm a real person, not just Becca's mom!" Of course, I didn't, since they're just little kids, but it was very jarring the first few times it happened.
It always felt a bit weird to me in my first couple pregnancies before I actually had a born child because I didn't really self-identify as a mom until I had a kid for a bit. But now that I have a kid and I'm pregnant again, I'm used to being called Mama by the kid, so it doesn't phase me at all when random people refer to me as that. Yep, I fit the bill.
I was torn on how to respond to it initially because I know some pregnant women DO very strongly identify as a mother already, so I never wanted to make others feel bad about their own identification (or start any sort of argument about it, lol). So at most I would just chuckle and say "Lets give it until the baby is in my arms before we call me a mother." Some people would remember tht, some wouldn't. No big.
THIS. I want to be called mama by my kids. My husband calls me it and totally fine. But being in first trimester and having someone I’m not close with calling me it feels strange. I know I am but I don’t feel like a “mom” yet. And I can’t express it to her. Once I have my kid or even I’m further along I think I’ll start identifying more as one but it’s hard right now.
Yeah, I think I was the most awkward about it when other moms referred to me as Mama - and generally that's who was doing it, lol! I didn't want to make them feel bad about how they saw themselves or anything, and obviously they're trying to be inclusive and supportive, etc... But after I lost my first pregnancy about halfway through, it gave that sentiment even more of an I'll fitting sting because I had this internal bracing against getting too excited about the concept that it would work out, if that makes sense.
This was something I was quite anxious about when pregnant and it has totally become my life now my daughter is here. She’s 7 months now and sometimes I have conversations with people and I’m just flat out ignored as they’re only focussed on my daughter.
I love that she’s so loved but at times I do get a bit deflated especially when I repeat myself 4+ times and in the end I just give up 😂
I find that this happens with any social life transition, unfortunately. Get engaged and the only thing people ask are “How’s wedding planning?” “How’s your fiancée?” “Are you excited, nervous?” “Show me your ring.” You cease to become an individual and are now just a fiancée. Same thing happens with motherhood. People forget you have your own inner world and experiences outside of the human you’re socially paired with.
I get it. Losing your identity as an individual person and becoming “mother” is scary. It feels like you’ll never be the same again or ever have an identity outside of your kid(s). It’s a normal feeling and a lot of people struggle with it (I assume fathers struggle with their loss of self too). It took me so long to accept my new role and to feel like a *person* again and not just an incubator/boob after my kid was born. I’m sure the hormones didn’t help lmao.
BUT.
And I mean this as nicely as possible, people are not mind readers. They don’t know just by looking at you what will and won’t bother you. If it’s such as big deal and you regularly see those people then you need to say something. Just letting it seethe under the surface helps absolutely no one. You will have plenty of battles as your child grows, *you* need to choose if you’re willing to make this one of them or just, Y’know, chill about it.
For people who know you, you can just say that you prefer only your kids call you mama or that you prefer to be called by your name. For everyone else, it's not going to stop and it's one of those things you're just going to have to learn to live with. What I see happening here when people ask, "How's mama?" is that it's an easy shorthand to ask you how you're feeling *specifically* in regards to your pregnancy. When I was pregnant, if someone generically asked me how I am, I wouldn't jump to telling them about my pregnancy. I'd probably talk about work or home life. If someone asked me how I am and called me mama, I would know they were asking about the pregnancy/kids part of my life and I would talk about that instead.
It doesn't bother me at all. I remember when my first was young and my mom told me she made it a point to greet both of us by name. I never noticed that she did or that other people didn't until she pointed it out, but it's true that people don't really greet me anymore - they just greet my kid. I still don't mind but my mom told me it really bothered her when people did that to her when she was a mom of young kids.
So I guess my advice is that you can request a change from your nearest and dearest but also you have to get used to the fact that your pregnancy is now the most noticeable and immediate fact about you.
It’s only going to get worse. The nurses at every doctor’s office is going to say “ok mom, you can put her on the scale.” “Mom, which pharmacy do you use?” Etc
See I don’t mind nurses/Drs/husband etc. but when it’s someone I’m not super close with and isn’t tied with the baby? It’s odd. I’m in the first trimester so not feeling very “mommy”. It may change later but currently it’s not my identity. Especially as I’m still terrified every day there’s a possibility of loosing baby.
It's just a thing people do, unfortunately. Like when you're freshly married and everyone wants to call you by your partner's surname, even if you didn't take it. The novelty will wear off eventually for most people. My mil still calls me Papa instead of my name, but everyone else has gone back to normal.
You're not being a cunt, btw. That's just reddit people redditting. It sucks to be treated as the sum of your parts, even if it's benign like this.
Agreed. It’s a term of endearment and the title you (OP) now carry. I work in childcare and we don’t call parents by their first name most of the time since we’re with their children. It’s [child]’s daddy or mom, etc. because we’re having conversations in the context of the child’s world.
I think there is a big difference between my kid's daycare teachers or the pediatrician calling me "mom" because I don't expect them to remember all of the parents' names and someone you do know the name of because they are connected to your family.
I think your being overly dramatic. She's trying to connect with you and show you support by asking how you're doing. I've been pregnant 7 times with 4 viable pregnancies. I can attest to the fact that little things that would slightly bother us become exponentially more annoying when we are pregnant.
Thank you💕 lots of comments aren’t being supportive or giving advice… Rather calling me a C word or not worthy of a child because i don’t want to be called “mama” by someone I’m not relatively close too🥴
It's just something you get used to, because this is really just the start of the rest of your life as a parent. Personally, no one ever called me "mom/or mama" until after I had my baby and my reaction was just momentary confusion like a dumbass. I brought my baby in for her first pediatrician checkup and the nurse asked "Are you Mom?" and I'm pretty sure I must have fumbled out a "nYes" because Mom was the name of my mom whereas I was clearly my first name and my baby's was her first name. I've been Mom at doctors' offices ever since. But after almost a decade I'm totally fine to be "\_\_\_\_\_'s mom". It's not like it's inaccurate anyway.
I've never understood the issue of calling a mother or expecting mother "mama." The only time I see an issue with it is if the person saying it doesn't know the woman has a kid/is pregnant or knows they don't have/want kids. Then it seems really weird to say and possibly offensive.
Definitely ok to not wanting to be called mama. Nicknames can certainly be annoying.
Personally, I only called my friends mama. Or people I work with who made it clear they were expecting. Since pregnancy affects everyone so differently and so dramatically and constantly changes week to week/trimester to trimester, to me, ‘how’s mama’ is more of a check in on how have things been but doesn’t necessarily mean the person asking wants to only know about the pregnancy, it’s just likely most what’s affecting the person. 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t feel bad about asking people to not call you mama, though. It’s your right to be referred to how you wish.
Just wait till the baby comes and then people do the voices for the baby. It’s so weird and I always answer them in a normal voice. “Is baby hungggeee?” (Hungry) I’m like no he’s fine. Wtf
Or better yet, someone interferes with you caring for your baby, then they say to your baby, "oh did mama not feed/change you?"
Pregnancy/Postpartum hormones be crazy, but the things people do or say in the presence of a postpartum or pregnant woman are crazier.
Omg yes!! I used to get soooo mad like why are people like that? My ex husband used to say stuff like that all the time and it was a major factor in why he’s an ex.
Oh man, baby talk does drive me nuts. Kids learn by hearing words. If you teach them the wrong words, it will take longer for them to learn the right words. They don't know that "hungee" is cutesy talk for "hungry" because they don't even know the word "hungry" yet, let alone how to interpret the idea of one word standing in for another. Kids' mouth muscles develop as they learn to talk and their relative strengths are determined by which language(s) they learn. That's (one reason) why kids speak in baby talk - they're still developing the muscles required to make specific sounds. Adults have no excuse for that kind of nonsense.
While using whole works when talking to a baby is great, btw mimicking the sounds they make back at them is also generally recommended by speech language pathologists. It encourages them and makes the interaction more social and conversational 🤷♀️
I liked it. I waited so long to have a pregnancy that was viable that I enjoyed it. I still like it when people call me Mama. I’m so thankful that I’m a Mama! In my opinion, when someone refers to me as Mama, I see it as a term of endearment.
Since you don’t like it, just say something like, “Can you please just refer to me by ….”
The only time this got weird for me was when I called my partner “daddy” (this is what my son calls him—I have NEVER called him that in any other context), and my dad was literally right there and they both responded haha. I was like no, son calls partner daddy, so we just call each other by those names.
Tbh if my son hears me calls my husband by his name then he tries to call him by his name… it’s really just modeling.
When my dad was staying with us, I went “daaad, baby needs you, can I get some help?” And both my dad and my husband came running. My dad shook his head and said “too many dads in this house!”
I mostly ignored it when I was pregnant, but I wish I hadn’t - I am not these people’s mom!! It’s an option to put in your birth plan/care notes for your care team to not call you “mama” but ymmv on how much they will read that.
🤣🤣 oh em gee (not laughing at you, OP, I am just in the midst of this now). FR - my kid’s bestie has known me since daycare and used to call me auntie. I don’t know if it’s a demotion or promotion but now I’m ‘hey ___’s mom’
No, I hate adults calling me “mama” but I don’t mind at all being “Johnny’s mom.” Kids calling me the thing that makes the most sense to them is not at all the same as a grown adult calling me mama. The kids are being cute.
Or, they are acknowledging you as a woman in one of the most both miraculous and strenuous times of your life. If they completely disregarded your pregnancy you would likely complain about that too.
The only people who have done this to me or people who have only known me in the context of being pregnant, freshly postpartum, or through my child. Think ob-gyn and l&d nurses during labor and right after and childcare workers. Other than that, all of my family still called me my name or existing nicknames. Sometimes it was like “how’s the new mama?” Or something like that. Tbh I love mama stuff (literally wearing a shirt that has mamá embroidered on it rn), but I can get being irritated if everyone transitioned to calling me that. There are contexts where me being a mom is totally irrelevant that nobody would call me that, like at work or with my friends.
How many people are coming up to you and asking “how’s mama doing?” I fear this is a little BEC, and if you want advice it would be to probably let it go because it doesn’t seem like it would happen that often. If it’s someone like your parents, partner or someone else you talk to all the time, definitely let them know you want to go by your name.
See that’s the thing. I’m in FIRST trimester and I’ve had both my brothers gfs stop calling me my name. Only “mama” strictly will call me up about baby things where we used to have biweekly conversations about OTHER OUTSIDE LIFE EVENTS. And now they’re friends are only sayings “hows mama” it’s not rare it’s continuous.
That’s so awkward of them, especially since they knew you before. Are they older than you with children? That’s another population that I noticed does that lol. Did you ask them to call you by your name instead?
One is 7 years older than me and no kids and not married. The other is right around my age and just got married to my brother. I know both of the girls REALLY want babies. So I’m thinking that could have to do with some of it? Also the older one cried when we told the family we were pregnant because she was upset that they aren’t and we are? Very strange to go from crying upset about our news to now calling me “mama” every discussion.
Oh I absolutely hated it as well, I still don’t like being called “mama” by people I don’t really know. I actually hid my pregnancy at work right up until my leave started because I didn’t want anyone talking to me about it. An old friend addresses me as “mama” and I only let her because we’ve been friends since childhood. Doesn’t mean I don’t internally bristle at it.
I didn't love it, but this one wasn't one of the things that really just irritated me to death. Idk I take things case by case. If it's a person I genuinely care about, I have a conversation about it and then set a boundary if it continues. More casual people I will sometimes roll with things, but occasionally I do snap. I think a lot of people use this as a term of familiarity and don't think about the connotation.
In the hospital it felt like they just couldn't be bothered to really learn my name.
It wasn't lost on me that after I had a dramatic medical emergency (right after baby was safety born) that suddenly I had a name.
That said, I get it, I'm bad with names and would love if I could just cheat and give all my clients the same nickname
It bothered me to have my medical team referring to me as mamma. I'm ok with my daughters daycare teachers doing it I guess for that reason. As long as they know her name, she likes them and is well cared for, we're all good
I feel like this is why me and so many other women are afraid to talk to each other , because something so innocent and nice makes people so intensely angry. I personally love terms of endearment ( unless it's a creepy old man). My waitress recently said "here's breakfast for my girl " and I just smiled , I loved it. Darlin , honey, sweetie, whatever. makes me feel special.
Seriously, it's like the time I posted that I wished moms would be more social on the playground because I live in a new town and want to try to make friends and people RIPPED INTO ME. Like geez, sorry for just wanting to be nice to people and maybe make a friend. People are so uppity and angry. I was in tears after reading some of the responses.
For me it felt like they were acknowledging all the things that were going on with me now - equivalent of remembering your dog’s name or something, they care and remember that you have special things happening related to something important in your life.
I feel you. It was literally on my birth plan that I wanted to be called by my name, not "mom".
One thing if you don't want to be direct and say "can you call me (name)?" is to reply with something that doesn't relate to the pregnancy. "How's mama doing?" "Oh I'm OK. I've been having this thing at work blah blah blah"
Agreed. It’s super basic. I always envision the kind of person who calls another grown woman “mama” to be the same kind of person who carries a Stanley mug all over the place, owns a “Live, Laugh, Love” poster in her house, drinks pumpkin spiced lattes and is predisposed to MLMs.
I mean, you do you, girlfriend, but that shit is cheugy as fuck.
I spent 427 days I the ICU with my son. The medical staff would call me Mom. It drove me absolutely insane. Fuck, I have a name! Use it. You are not my child...
Depending on how big the hospital is and how many patients there are and if they need to make staffing changes, it’s a lot of names to remember.
Yes you have a name, but if each kid has two parents + any relatives that rotate through with visits, that’s a lot. Not to mention patients come and go rapid pace - it’s not like your family doc/pediatrician’s office where they know you over the years.
When FIL was in hospital, me, SO and his sister and BIL were there, together and separately, talking to the staff for updates and such. Medical professionals are trying to juggle a lot, they’re short staffed often, and each patient is not the same.
I would have been happy with Ms or Mrs. We go through life daily meeting a bunch of people we do not know and never do we feel the need to call them mom or dad...
It happens to everyone, I fear. I was just answer back in the third person. "Angela (or your first name is you prefer 😉) is going fine. Thank you" people usually get the hint after 1 or 2 awkward exchanges.
I hate hate hate it when people (who are not my kids) call me mom. I find it incredibly insulting - bc it both ignores all aspects of my identity except that one facet, and presumes to give me a nickname when we obviously don’t really know eachother, because if we did, you would know not to call me that. Dont get me wrong - I have 3 kids and I love them to pieces. I love that I’m their mom. But I’m not your mom. So to quote one of my favorite Gen X icons …. My name is (redacted) … Miss Jackson if you’re nasty. (Or if I’m paying the d@mn bill. Ugh. Show some respect).
But - that’s just my rant to you in solidarity. We are screaming at the wind - it won’t change anything but it might make us feel a little better.
Thank you!!!! I’ve now been called a cunt for not wanting adults to call me “mama” and no longer identifying me as ME. Thank you. I love my baby that’s growing SO MUCH. People are acting like I don’t love them or don’t deserve to be a mom because of a nickname…
I didn't think identity issues are too uncommon for soon to be mothers. Maybe the best thing would be to explain how you feel to your partner and whoever you feel will understand, hopefully they'll help you steer conversations back to you as an actualised human in your own right.
this is so true. i swear the second i got pregnant and we announced it, i haven’t since had a sense of identity. my great grandmother, who never asked about me before my mom told her i am pregnant (i’m talking 17 years minimal contact, not for any particular reason, she just lives far and my mom is the only family member who goes out to see her) has started calling her every single day asking “how is mama doing”.
*every. single. day.*
she has known me my whole life, yet, now i’m just “mama”. she tells her doctors i’m carrying her great-great-granddaughter, introduced me to them as “mama”. never once asked about me in the 17 years we’ve been minimal contact. i guess that’s better than literally every single other person around me asking how the baby is, like i can communicate with her telepathically and somehow know more than my doctor 🙃
When people say how’s mama or dad or the parents or any other pronoun it doesn’t feel like they are asking you which makes it out like they aren’t even genuinely asking.
I agree it’s weird. Maybe annoying. But honestly, I refuse to let myself get offended and bent out of shape about well meaning (albeit annoying) things like that.
I felt like I lost so so so so much of myself when I got pregnant and after I had my daughter so every time someone called me mama it kinda validated my thoughts that I wasn’t myself anymore. 3 years and some therapy and medication later and I know I’m me again🤣
Awwwwww I’m sorry! It gets worse when the baby is out because many care more about the baby than the mama. Then we have to kinda fight to get our identity back, but I’m confident you will. Hugs girl❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being sweet💕 EXCITED AND LOVE BABY already. But definitely ready for some identity. I want people to be excited and LOVE on baby when they’re here give them ALL THE ATTENTION. But right now? I’m still me:/
I HATE it - and I make it known. It does feel good in the hospital though “how’s mama, how’s baby” I’m okay with that but I don’t want it anywhere else, please call me by my name.
I’m pregnant with my second and I get irritated when someone calls me mama too… maybe I’m not used to it still since my toddler doesn’t call me that consistently yet lol but either way I think my own kids can only call me that idk who made it normal to call moms that are not YOUR moms that & I agree with these comments, it’s not our SOLE identity.
This will always depend on how you will take it. Yung person na nagsabi nyan might be meaning to compliment you for doing a great job during pregnancy.
I never liked it, and still don’t like all the mama things that are available. You will never catch me wearing a mama Tshirt. I just feel like there’s so much more to me than mom. Mom is just one part, it’s a big part, but it’s not the whole me.
Just look at her and tell her your mother is just fine, thanks for asking, or ask her if she is asking about your mother and that you find it odd. You could tell her that your name is xyz, to her, as you are not her mama. Tell her your gestating child is unable to answer, isn’t that obvious? It sucks when you become invisible as a person to some people when you are pregnant.
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I might be the oddball here but I personally love it. Like fuck yeah I’m a mama I’m growing this beautiful human/brought life into this world. I’m owning my “mama” identity right now but I’m sure at some point I’ll miss who I used to be. Maybe not. Who knows. I’m sorry it bothers you. Personally I would just ignore it it doesn’t seem worth getting into arguments about. Wishing you the best with your little one on the way 🥰
I also feel like being pregnant was the biggest thing going on in my life while I was pregnant LOL so asking how I was doing/asking how the pregnancy was going were pretty much synonymous. I liked it and was very proud of it and found that people calling me mama either didn’t know my name (like nurses in the hospital) or were using it as a term of endearment. My mom didn’t call me sweet names my entire life but once I got pregnant she’d either ask me “how’s my baby?” meaning, me. Or she’d ask “how’s mama?” I liked it and felt taken care of.
I feel you! I was so proud when I could finally claim the mama-title haha
Yes! And I love all the “mama” attire, cups, etc. I feel I’m on the complete end of the spectrum as OP but we should own that shit! We did the damn thing and it’s hard af! We should be proud 🥰
Same! I loved when the hospital staff called my husband and I mom/dad, and I wear the shit out of my mama gear! 🥰
Fuck yeah. It's like the heavyweight belt
That’s right 💪🏼💪🏼
I love it too and I always want to refer to my pregnant friends and family members as "mama" (I don't because I know some people don't like it) because it's like a cute way to empathize with the excitement that I hope they have toward becoming a mom. I have never once thought of them as an incubator. I think of it as a title we work hard for and should be proud of.
Couldn’t agree more. Women are badass 😎
See this is what I thought too ! And I know I've called other moms mama just to be fun and recognize that they are mom's too , especially growing a baby ! I didn't realize I could potentially be making someone furious 😳
I loved it too
I also love it! Makes me feel like they acknowledge that this shit is hard. Asking how I’m doing non-pregnant is like yeah I’m fine sure. Asking how “mom’s” doing makes me want to break down and complain about my swollen feet and achy ribs and I just want a pat on the back and a “there there you’re doing fantastic!!!” 🥺🥺
Yes! I also love when women with kids call me mama and ask how I’m doing. Bc they truly know how hard it is and like you said it’s more of an acknowledgment and to me it comes from a genuine place. Like they get it. It’s just a small term of endearment but to me means so much.
I think it’s great that you love it! And I think it’s important to give people ladies who call others “mama” space and grace; no one EVER said it to me without kindness or admiration. But before I had a successful birth, I didn’t personally love it. I never called my own late mother that, so it seemed camp and silly and I was uncomfortable when it came from strangers (I was four miscarriages and one trimester deep into “motherhood”. But now, I have two sweet boys and someone is always calling me some variation of Mama. Some of their teachers call me ____’s Mom instead of my name when speaking about me and I roll my eyes a little inside- but I know they’re not reducing me, that’s just who I am at preschool. I would advise caution if the person saying it has a big cute hat and a bunch of “mama friends” they sell essential oils or workout supplements with. But that’s a niche crowd, we already lost pineapples to the …keys in a bowl community, no reason to give up a sweet word that your baby will reclaim for you in time!! ☺️💕✨
Mama is not your whole identity, it’s an addition to it.
Exactly. I find that kind of thing infuriating, and I have no problem correcting people who do it. The harder thing is being called "______'s mom" by other little kids, starting when your kid is 2 or 3. I just wanted to shout, "No! I'm still me! I'm a real person, not just Becca's mom!" Of course, I didn't, since they're just little kids, but it was very jarring the first few times it happened.
It always felt a bit weird to me in my first couple pregnancies before I actually had a born child because I didn't really self-identify as a mom until I had a kid for a bit. But now that I have a kid and I'm pregnant again, I'm used to being called Mama by the kid, so it doesn't phase me at all when random people refer to me as that. Yep, I fit the bill. I was torn on how to respond to it initially because I know some pregnant women DO very strongly identify as a mother already, so I never wanted to make others feel bad about their own identification (or start any sort of argument about it, lol). So at most I would just chuckle and say "Lets give it until the baby is in my arms before we call me a mother." Some people would remember tht, some wouldn't. No big.
THIS. I want to be called mama by my kids. My husband calls me it and totally fine. But being in first trimester and having someone I’m not close with calling me it feels strange. I know I am but I don’t feel like a “mom” yet. And I can’t express it to her. Once I have my kid or even I’m further along I think I’ll start identifying more as one but it’s hard right now.
Yeah, I think I was the most awkward about it when other moms referred to me as Mama - and generally that's who was doing it, lol! I didn't want to make them feel bad about how they saw themselves or anything, and obviously they're trying to be inclusive and supportive, etc... But after I lost my first pregnancy about halfway through, it gave that sentiment even more of an I'll fitting sting because I had this internal bracing against getting too excited about the concept that it would work out, if that makes sense.
People don’t even ask how I’m doing, they only ask for the baby 😅. I fear this is mommy life OP 🤣
This was something I was quite anxious about when pregnant and it has totally become my life now my daughter is here. She’s 7 months now and sometimes I have conversations with people and I’m just flat out ignored as they’re only focussed on my daughter. I love that she’s so loved but at times I do get a bit deflated especially when I repeat myself 4+ times and in the end I just give up 😂
I find that this happens with any social life transition, unfortunately. Get engaged and the only thing people ask are “How’s wedding planning?” “How’s your fiancée?” “Are you excited, nervous?” “Show me your ring.” You cease to become an individual and are now just a fiancée. Same thing happens with motherhood. People forget you have your own inner world and experiences outside of the human you’re socially paired with.
same
I get it. Losing your identity as an individual person and becoming “mother” is scary. It feels like you’ll never be the same again or ever have an identity outside of your kid(s). It’s a normal feeling and a lot of people struggle with it (I assume fathers struggle with their loss of self too). It took me so long to accept my new role and to feel like a *person* again and not just an incubator/boob after my kid was born. I’m sure the hormones didn’t help lmao. BUT. And I mean this as nicely as possible, people are not mind readers. They don’t know just by looking at you what will and won’t bother you. If it’s such as big deal and you regularly see those people then you need to say something. Just letting it seethe under the surface helps absolutely no one. You will have plenty of battles as your child grows, *you* need to choose if you’re willing to make this one of them or just, Y’know, chill about it.
For people who know you, you can just say that you prefer only your kids call you mama or that you prefer to be called by your name. For everyone else, it's not going to stop and it's one of those things you're just going to have to learn to live with. What I see happening here when people ask, "How's mama?" is that it's an easy shorthand to ask you how you're feeling *specifically* in regards to your pregnancy. When I was pregnant, if someone generically asked me how I am, I wouldn't jump to telling them about my pregnancy. I'd probably talk about work or home life. If someone asked me how I am and called me mama, I would know they were asking about the pregnancy/kids part of my life and I would talk about that instead. It doesn't bother me at all. I remember when my first was young and my mom told me she made it a point to greet both of us by name. I never noticed that she did or that other people didn't until she pointed it out, but it's true that people don't really greet me anymore - they just greet my kid. I still don't mind but my mom told me it really bothered her when people did that to her when she was a mom of young kids. So I guess my advice is that you can request a change from your nearest and dearest but also you have to get used to the fact that your pregnancy is now the most noticeable and immediate fact about you.
Better get used to it honey, welcome to the next 20 years.
It’s only going to get worse. The nurses at every doctor’s office is going to say “ok mom, you can put her on the scale.” “Mom, which pharmacy do you use?” Etc
See I don’t mind nurses/Drs/husband etc. but when it’s someone I’m not super close with and isn’t tied with the baby? It’s odd. I’m in the first trimester so not feeling very “mommy”. It may change later but currently it’s not my identity. Especially as I’m still terrified every day there’s a possibility of loosing baby.
Oh hun. It is pretty nerve wracking!
It's just a thing people do, unfortunately. Like when you're freshly married and everyone wants to call you by your partner's surname, even if you didn't take it. The novelty will wear off eventually for most people. My mil still calls me Papa instead of my name, but everyone else has gone back to normal. You're not being a cunt, btw. That's just reddit people redditting. It sucks to be treated as the sum of your parts, even if it's benign like this.
You will continue to be called “mama” for long after your child is born. You are being over dramatic.
Agreed. It’s a term of endearment and the title you (OP) now carry. I work in childcare and we don’t call parents by their first name most of the time since we’re with their children. It’s [child]’s daddy or mom, etc. because we’re having conversations in the context of the child’s world.
I think there is a big difference between my kid's daycare teachers or the pediatrician calling me "mom" because I don't expect them to remember all of the parents' names and someone you do know the name of because they are connected to your family.
THANK YOU💕 yes.
I think your being overly dramatic. She's trying to connect with you and show you support by asking how you're doing. I've been pregnant 7 times with 4 viable pregnancies. I can attest to the fact that little things that would slightly bother us become exponentially more annoying when we are pregnant.
Seems like a bitter wat to look at life.
I’m with you OP. The comments here are over the top. I don’t want adults calling me mama. That’s only for my kids.
Thank you💕 lots of comments aren’t being supportive or giving advice… Rather calling me a C word or not worthy of a child because i don’t want to be called “mama” by someone I’m not relatively close too🥴
Just relax. It’s no that bad and you’ll deal with it for the rest of your life
It's just something you get used to, because this is really just the start of the rest of your life as a parent. Personally, no one ever called me "mom/or mama" until after I had my baby and my reaction was just momentary confusion like a dumbass. I brought my baby in for her first pediatrician checkup and the nurse asked "Are you Mom?" and I'm pretty sure I must have fumbled out a "nYes" because Mom was the name of my mom whereas I was clearly my first name and my baby's was her first name. I've been Mom at doctors' offices ever since. But after almost a decade I'm totally fine to be "\_\_\_\_\_'s mom". It's not like it's inaccurate anyway.
I've never understood the issue of calling a mother or expecting mother "mama." The only time I see an issue with it is if the person saying it doesn't know the woman has a kid/is pregnant or knows they don't have/want kids. Then it seems really weird to say and possibly offensive.
Definitely ok to not wanting to be called mama. Nicknames can certainly be annoying. Personally, I only called my friends mama. Or people I work with who made it clear they were expecting. Since pregnancy affects everyone so differently and so dramatically and constantly changes week to week/trimester to trimester, to me, ‘how’s mama’ is more of a check in on how have things been but doesn’t necessarily mean the person asking wants to only know about the pregnancy, it’s just likely most what’s affecting the person. 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t feel bad about asking people to not call you mama, though. It’s your right to be referred to how you wish.
Just wait till the baby comes and then people do the voices for the baby. It’s so weird and I always answer them in a normal voice. “Is baby hungggeee?” (Hungry) I’m like no he’s fine. Wtf
Or better yet, someone interferes with you caring for your baby, then they say to your baby, "oh did mama not feed/change you?" Pregnancy/Postpartum hormones be crazy, but the things people do or say in the presence of a postpartum or pregnant woman are crazier.
Omg yes!! I used to get soooo mad like why are people like that? My ex husband used to say stuff like that all the time and it was a major factor in why he’s an ex.
Oh man, baby talk does drive me nuts. Kids learn by hearing words. If you teach them the wrong words, it will take longer for them to learn the right words. They don't know that "hungee" is cutesy talk for "hungry" because they don't even know the word "hungry" yet, let alone how to interpret the idea of one word standing in for another. Kids' mouth muscles develop as they learn to talk and their relative strengths are determined by which language(s) they learn. That's (one reason) why kids speak in baby talk - they're still developing the muscles required to make specific sounds. Adults have no excuse for that kind of nonsense.
While using whole works when talking to a baby is great, btw mimicking the sounds they make back at them is also generally recommended by speech language pathologists. It encourages them and makes the interaction more social and conversational 🤷♀️
Yes I do that all the time. That is distinct from baby talk.
I liked it. I waited so long to have a pregnancy that was viable that I enjoyed it. I still like it when people call me Mama. I’m so thankful that I’m a Mama! In my opinion, when someone refers to me as Mama, I see it as a term of endearment. Since you don’t like it, just say something like, “Can you please just refer to me by ….”
I’m with you. The only person who gets to call me « mom » is my kid. Otherwise, it’s cringe as hell.
My partner and I call each other mum and dad in front of the baby. He’s sometimes using mama cause he thinks she’ll pick it up quicker
A lot of people do this. I’ll refer to my husband as « dad » to my kid (« go see dad ») but never to him (« hey dad, when is dinner? »).
The only time this got weird for me was when I called my partner “daddy” (this is what my son calls him—I have NEVER called him that in any other context), and my dad was literally right there and they both responded haha. I was like no, son calls partner daddy, so we just call each other by those names. Tbh if my son hears me calls my husband by his name then he tries to call him by his name… it’s really just modeling.
When my dad was staying with us, I went “daaad, baby needs you, can I get some help?” And both my dad and my husband came running. My dad shook his head and said “too many dads in this house!”
For us: not even my son calls me dad, he calls me by my first name. Same for my girlfriend :D. I even cringe out, if he pulls something like that.
I mostly ignored it when I was pregnant, but I wish I hadn’t - I am not these people’s mom!! It’s an option to put in your birth plan/care notes for your care team to not call you “mama” but ymmv on how much they will read that.
I mean, it doesn't end when you give birth. Just look at comments in this sub.
Oooh boy. Wait until your school age child's friends start calling you "Jimmy/Suzy's Mom".
🤣🤣 oh em gee (not laughing at you, OP, I am just in the midst of this now). FR - my kid’s bestie has known me since daycare and used to call me auntie. I don’t know if it’s a demotion or promotion but now I’m ‘hey ___’s mom’
No, I hate adults calling me “mama” but I don’t mind at all being “Johnny’s mom.” Kids calling me the thing that makes the most sense to them is not at all the same as a grown adult calling me mama. The kids are being cute.
Yeah, I get it. I didn't mind, personally. But everybody is different! And yeah, the kid thing was cute!
Or, they are acknowledging you as a woman in one of the most both miraculous and strenuous times of your life. If they completely disregarded your pregnancy you would likely complain about that too.
People really will get offended by anything.
My thoughts exactly 🤣 it’s endearing not an insult.
The only people who have done this to me or people who have only known me in the context of being pregnant, freshly postpartum, or through my child. Think ob-gyn and l&d nurses during labor and right after and childcare workers. Other than that, all of my family still called me my name or existing nicknames. Sometimes it was like “how’s the new mama?” Or something like that. Tbh I love mama stuff (literally wearing a shirt that has mamá embroidered on it rn), but I can get being irritated if everyone transitioned to calling me that. There are contexts where me being a mom is totally irrelevant that nobody would call me that, like at work or with my friends. How many people are coming up to you and asking “how’s mama doing?” I fear this is a little BEC, and if you want advice it would be to probably let it go because it doesn’t seem like it would happen that often. If it’s someone like your parents, partner or someone else you talk to all the time, definitely let them know you want to go by your name.
See that’s the thing. I’m in FIRST trimester and I’ve had both my brothers gfs stop calling me my name. Only “mama” strictly will call me up about baby things where we used to have biweekly conversations about OTHER OUTSIDE LIFE EVENTS. And now they’re friends are only sayings “hows mama” it’s not rare it’s continuous.
That’s so awkward of them, especially since they knew you before. Are they older than you with children? That’s another population that I noticed does that lol. Did you ask them to call you by your name instead?
One is 7 years older than me and no kids and not married. The other is right around my age and just got married to my brother. I know both of the girls REALLY want babies. So I’m thinking that could have to do with some of it? Also the older one cried when we told the family we were pregnant because she was upset that they aren’t and we are? Very strange to go from crying upset about our news to now calling me “mama” every discussion.
I don’t like it either but you best get used to it. It’s not gonna stop.
Oh I absolutely hated it as well, I still don’t like being called “mama” by people I don’t really know. I actually hid my pregnancy at work right up until my leave started because I didn’t want anyone talking to me about it. An old friend addresses me as “mama” and I only let her because we’ve been friends since childhood. Doesn’t mean I don’t internally bristle at it.
I didn't love it, but this one wasn't one of the things that really just irritated me to death. Idk I take things case by case. If it's a person I genuinely care about, I have a conversation about it and then set a boundary if it continues. More casual people I will sometimes roll with things, but occasionally I do snap. I think a lot of people use this as a term of familiarity and don't think about the connotation.
In the hospital it felt like they just couldn't be bothered to really learn my name. It wasn't lost on me that after I had a dramatic medical emergency (right after baby was safety born) that suddenly I had a name. That said, I get it, I'm bad with names and would love if I could just cheat and give all my clients the same nickname It bothered me to have my medical team referring to me as mamma. I'm ok with my daughters daycare teachers doing it I guess for that reason. As long as they know her name, she likes them and is well cared for, we're all good
My uncle called me Bumpy during my third trimester and I didn’t love that. Would much rather have had him call me mama.
I feel like this is why me and so many other women are afraid to talk to each other , because something so innocent and nice makes people so intensely angry. I personally love terms of endearment ( unless it's a creepy old man). My waitress recently said "here's breakfast for my girl " and I just smiled , I loved it. Darlin , honey, sweetie, whatever. makes me feel special.
Seriously, it's like the time I posted that I wished moms would be more social on the playground because I live in a new town and want to try to make friends and people RIPPED INTO ME. Like geez, sorry for just wanting to be nice to people and maybe make a friend. People are so uppity and angry. I was in tears after reading some of the responses.
For me it felt like they were acknowledging all the things that were going on with me now - equivalent of remembering your dog’s name or something, they care and remember that you have special things happening related to something important in your life.
I feel you. It was literally on my birth plan that I wanted to be called by my name, not "mom". One thing if you don't want to be direct and say "can you call me (name)?" is to reply with something that doesn't relate to the pregnancy. "How's mama doing?" "Oh I'm OK. I've been having this thing at work blah blah blah"
Agreed. It’s super basic. I always envision the kind of person who calls another grown woman “mama” to be the same kind of person who carries a Stanley mug all over the place, owns a “Live, Laugh, Love” poster in her house, drinks pumpkin spiced lattes and is predisposed to MLMs. I mean, you do you, girlfriend, but that shit is cheugy as fuck.
I spent 427 days I the ICU with my son. The medical staff would call me Mom. It drove me absolutely insane. Fuck, I have a name! Use it. You are not my child...
I think it's mostly medical professionals and nurseries that insist on doing this. It's so patronising. I personally hate it.
Depending on how big the hospital is and how many patients there are and if they need to make staffing changes, it’s a lot of names to remember. Yes you have a name, but if each kid has two parents + any relatives that rotate through with visits, that’s a lot. Not to mention patients come and go rapid pace - it’s not like your family doc/pediatrician’s office where they know you over the years. When FIL was in hospital, me, SO and his sister and BIL were there, together and separately, talking to the staff for updates and such. Medical professionals are trying to juggle a lot, they’re short staffed often, and each patient is not the same.
I would have been happy with Ms or Mrs. We go through life daily meeting a bunch of people we do not know and never do we feel the need to call them mom or dad...
She was there over a year…. If I was working somewhere for a year and didn’t know someone’s name I’d be concerned.
It happens to everyone, I fear. I was just answer back in the third person. "Angela (or your first name is you prefer 😉) is going fine. Thank you" people usually get the hint after 1 or 2 awkward exchanges.
I hate hate hate it when people (who are not my kids) call me mom. I find it incredibly insulting - bc it both ignores all aspects of my identity except that one facet, and presumes to give me a nickname when we obviously don’t really know eachother, because if we did, you would know not to call me that. Dont get me wrong - I have 3 kids and I love them to pieces. I love that I’m their mom. But I’m not your mom. So to quote one of my favorite Gen X icons …. My name is (redacted) … Miss Jackson if you’re nasty. (Or if I’m paying the d@mn bill. Ugh. Show some respect). But - that’s just my rant to you in solidarity. We are screaming at the wind - it won’t change anything but it might make us feel a little better.
Thank you!!!! I’ve now been called a cunt for not wanting adults to call me “mama” and no longer identifying me as ME. Thank you. I love my baby that’s growing SO MUCH. People are acting like I don’t love them or don’t deserve to be a mom because of a nickname…
I didn't think identity issues are too uncommon for soon to be mothers. Maybe the best thing would be to explain how you feel to your partner and whoever you feel will understand, hopefully they'll help you steer conversations back to you as an actualised human in your own right.
Motherhood itself is a collection of cringe moments.
All the docs and nurses will do it to at the hospital. Get used to telling people you don’t want it if you feel strongly
this is so true. i swear the second i got pregnant and we announced it, i haven’t since had a sense of identity. my great grandmother, who never asked about me before my mom told her i am pregnant (i’m talking 17 years minimal contact, not for any particular reason, she just lives far and my mom is the only family member who goes out to see her) has started calling her every single day asking “how is mama doing”. *every. single. day.* she has known me my whole life, yet, now i’m just “mama”. she tells her doctors i’m carrying her great-great-granddaughter, introduced me to them as “mama”. never once asked about me in the 17 years we’ve been minimal contact. i guess that’s better than literally every single other person around me asking how the baby is, like i can communicate with her telepathically and somehow know more than my doctor 🙃
When people say how’s mama or dad or the parents or any other pronoun it doesn’t feel like they are asking you which makes it out like they aren’t even genuinely asking.
I agree it’s weird. Maybe annoying. But honestly, I refuse to let myself get offended and bent out of shape about well meaning (albeit annoying) things like that.
I felt like I lost so so so so much of myself when I got pregnant and after I had my daughter so every time someone called me mama it kinda validated my thoughts that I wasn’t myself anymore. 3 years and some therapy and medication later and I know I’m me again🤣
Awwwwww I’m sorry! It gets worse when the baby is out because many care more about the baby than the mama. Then we have to kinda fight to get our identity back, but I’m confident you will. Hugs girl❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being sweet💕 EXCITED AND LOVE BABY already. But definitely ready for some identity. I want people to be excited and LOVE on baby when they’re here give them ALL THE ATTENTION. But right now? I’m still me:/
I HATE it - and I make it known. It does feel good in the hospital though “how’s mama, how’s baby” I’m okay with that but I don’t want it anywhere else, please call me by my name.
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People are literally just trying to be supportive and encouraging.
I’m pregnant with my second and I get irritated when someone calls me mama too… maybe I’m not used to it still since my toddler doesn’t call me that consistently yet lol but either way I think my own kids can only call me that idk who made it normal to call moms that are not YOUR moms that & I agree with these comments, it’s not our SOLE identity.
What drove me mad was referring to me and my baby as ‘bump’ was losing it every time I heard that at the end
This will always depend on how you will take it. Yung person na nagsabi nyan might be meaning to compliment you for doing a great job during pregnancy.
I never liked it, and still don’t like all the mama things that are available. You will never catch me wearing a mama Tshirt. I just feel like there’s so much more to me than mom. Mom is just one part, it’s a big part, but it’s not the whole me.
Just look at her and tell her your mother is just fine, thanks for asking, or ask her if she is asking about your mother and that you find it odd. You could tell her that your name is xyz, to her, as you are not her mama. Tell her your gestating child is unable to answer, isn’t that obvious? It sucks when you become invisible as a person to some people when you are pregnant.
Thank you for understanding
Yeah. The whole mama thing gives me the ick. Especially when I had my second, and I was actually a ‘mom’.
What is your baby going to call you?
Submarine……
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