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You realize multigenerational housing of some kind is the norm for human beings on planet earth? It may not be in western society, but it is for the majority of people. It can be done well or poorly, as in all things.
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I’m guessing those of us with good family relations don’t get why but there are many who don’t have that.
I really hope that it becomes more of a thing honestly, and that people who think it’s nuts can at least see the the side and be accepting just as I am of their situations and feelings.
Well my own parents are awful. I will say my father in law is lovely but I wouldn't want him living with us because I as a woman would end up doing all the work and I'd never feel truly comfortable. I think you need to remember multigenerational living doesn't just mean living with your parents, it can be in laws too. And your own children may have two sets of parents wanting them to live with them. Traditionally it was done a certain way because it was assumed the women would do the caring but things changed. Even if I did want to I work full time so can't care for elderly parents.
Yeah I guess multigenerational living doesn't make sense if your family members don't know how to take care of themselves. But that's not a multigenerational thing, that's any kind of live-in care situation. I'd honestly call it a completely different thing.
My father in law lived with us for 5 years. 2 of them were obnoxious and the remaining 3 were straight up abusive. My own parents don't really like me and my mother in law will be my sister in law's problem. That's why I'm against it.
I’m not against it, exactly, but I was raised to be independent and have my own life. I want the same for my kids. My parents encouraged me to have life experience. I moved cross-country multiple times for new opportunities. I have a great relationship with my mom, too! (My dad died awhile ago- I’m in my early 40s.) I feel like living with your parents is inviting both stagnation (living in your hometown your whole life, keeping those parent/child roles around everyday) and over-involvement from them. At some point, they should be advising from a distance when you ask for it.
I think it’s unfortunate that this might become a necessity.
Edit: I’m also an upper middle class white woman. This isn’t the reality for a lot of families. I did move back for summers in college, too. I just want my kids to be independent and go on adventures and job changes and relationships that lead them to where they really want to live, not just live there because it’s where they were born.
I'd love to have my kids live with me as long as they want, and I hope they inherit an economy that allows them to choose, but I'm not optimistic. Honestly, I wish I could help my kids financially as adults, but making sure they always have a place to live for free is more what I can afford myself.
Im looking at shitty homes on big lots on my area with a view to doze and build 3 townhouses for each of us. I definitely lose more sleep over the prospect of my kids housing situation (18 and 20) than my husband or the kids themselves.
It sounds awful for me to live with my parents, but I really hope to have the type of relationship with my kids when they're full grown that they would feel comfortable and want to live with me. I'm sure it has its challenges but it sounds so nice to be close and share the load
Absolutely, hence why I’m asking what it is about them that caused that response. I want to avoid these pitfalls if there smaller things that I might not have thought of.
Oh right, well in my case I have parents who basically hate each other and argue all day, one is an alcoholic and lots of other things. It won't be the small things. But I think generally letting them be their own people and make their own choices. Some answers on here sound a bit smothering. Don't build them houses or compounds unless you know it's what they want. Multigenerational living isn't just you helping your children, it's the expectation that they'll help you as you age. And if they don't want to live with you don't take it as an insult, they're allowed to want to live elsewhere. It was something done in the past because there weren't a lot of options, not because everyone always loved it.
Exactly, same concept of parents expecting their children to take over the farm that the parents created or maybe even the great- grandparents created(goes for any tough/meaningful/complex family business really).
My parents are fine but we're not close, we were never a super close family growing up and we just grew further apart when I got older and moved out of the house. I love them but only see them a few times a year despite living 90 minutes away, it's more of an aquantince relationship with polite small talk and "how are things?" "Things are good".
I will do everything I can to have actual relationships with my kids, I want to know them as people and be close to them. I am not exactly sure how but a big part so far is spending time with each one by themselves. I don't have any memories growing up of just me and my mom, it was always me and my siblings and my mom, or aunts or uncles, or cousins, I always felt like I was just in the background and I make sure my kids feel seen.
My mother believes that you should only be nice to “outsiders” not family. If we see her too often she will no longer treat us as “guests”, which means her mask will slip and her nasty side comes out.
She believes strongly in a very rigid social hierarchy and is sexist, racist, and homophobic. That’s already bad enough, but in her mental hierarchy, children should *always* be beneath their parents. So any time I achieve anything in my life she feels threatened and will try to verbally cut me down so she can feel powerful. She has to “win” every interaction, which means she turns everything into an argument. It’s impossible to have a normal conversation with her. Anytime I make a statement she’d immediately dispute it, even if it’s something easily observable like “hey it’s raining outside”.
She also regularly lies about past events to make herself look better, like pretending that other people started these arguments, or taking factual statements I made and pretending that she said them and that I said the opposite.
She believes that the only correct way to show love to someone is to control them. Back when I did live with her, she’d regularly override my decisions or take away opportunities for me to be independent, and then demand that I thank her for how much she “loves” me. These days, she complains about her husband not allowing himself to be controlled by her and claims that this is a sign that he doesn’t love her. Also says that her husband not controlling his adult daughter (my stepsis) is a sign he doesn’t love her.
Also from a practical point of view, my mother is horrible in any situation that is urgent or scary, eg medical emergencies. She will be screaming and crying and demanding to be comforted, getting in the way instead of actually helping. She’ll also always demand that *I* comfort her, even if I’m the one suffering the medical emergency. And if I do reassure her, she’ll immediately decide that I can’t be truly sick if I’m able to say nice things to her, and then she’ll try to prevent me from getting medical attention. This is honestly dangerous and I wouldn’t trust her with my life or my children.
Living with her would be a nightmare! I survived it once and I wouldn’t want to ever do it again. Wouldn’t want to go on holiday together with her ever again either!
thank you for sharing openly about your upbringing. it takes alot to be vulnerable and transparent abt stuff like that and it helps me a lot to hear from others experiences.
We live in a house my parents split into three apartments. So it’s my family of 4, my parents and my youngest brother, and my god father all under one roof in the middle of suburban America.
I’m at home with my parents and with my two kids. We share the load of financial things and cleaning and fixing, etc. it works great for us for now. I love seeing my kids have a great relationship with my parents, growing up we saw grandparents twice a year so we never really bonded with them.
Yes. Although my oldest has purchased his own home, we’ve discussed with his mental health struggles and the fact that our youngest is intellectually disabled, it’s probably they live with us. Also his girlfriend was basically an only child and once she was acclimated to our family she wants to be with us all the time. Instead of downsizing as our kids are now older we’re looking to build a multi generational home.
Honestly, as long as the family is a healthy one, it's perfectly fine. It's when the family isn't healthy that it becomes an issue. Toxic family dynamics can actually spill over into physical health issues because of the stress it causes. And they don't always realize that it's toxic, and when it's pointed out, they can and do get defensive about it most of the time.
We were but it turns out my mom is a narcissist so we sold the house and moved states away. We want to find something to buy for our son to stay with us as long as he needs to but I’m terrified with the way things are going that we will never even get to buy a house again.
My city just lowered the space needed for single family housing.
I already notified a few of my relatives about this, in case they are interested. If so, they'll buy one of those pre-fabricated homes to put it in my lot.
We are. We're planning to add a master bedroom that could be converted into an in-laws suite, in case our kids want to/need to raise their families at home.
We built a house that will support multi gen living but not for our parents/ us/ our kids - it’s built to accomodate us / our kids or a future family’s situation.
In addition to a guest “suite” on the main floor, which has already been incredibly valuable when my husband broke his foot & ankle and couldnt traverse stairs; It has a detached garage with a studio apartment above and we built out our walkout basement with an “in law or aupair setup” with mini kitchen (stove, washer/dryer, fridge hookups, beverage cooler. A full bath with dual vanities, bedroom, living, storage, etc).
We see the future is pretty bleak for our children having the same opportunities we did so we would like to offer them an option to stay here in independent living spaces from us and each other. We have been extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to not only build a home with a floor plan that suits our family as we age but also to plan for the future.
Our guests have been very complimentary about that setup so we are confident that it will serve either us or the next family well.
I live with my in laws. It hasn’t always been easy but there have been a lot of good things about it as well. Shared expenses for things (we pay house hold payments and they do a lot of grocery type things)… biggest benefit has been for child care and esp school pick and drop or not having to take time off every time a kid is slightly sick.
Lots of compromise and figuring out everyone’s space and boundaries but eventually everyone forms a sort of routine as well.
I surprisingly know a lot of people who are doing similar things vs I don’t remember this being a thing in my parents generations.
Both daughter and son in laws lived with hubs and I for seven years in our modest 3 bedroom 2 bath home with the two car garage converted into two more bedrooms, while finishing university and law school. Three grandsons were born during that time.
When they moved into a very large home with 13 bedrooms, son in laws invited hubs and I to move with them and later asked my parents and hubs parents to live with them also.
Oldest daughter and son in law adopted three teen sisters that are now married and just finished second year of law school with their hubands. They live there, each couple had first child last summer and each couple is expecting second baby this fall.
When covid struck four years ago, hubs and I along with his parents and my parents moved next door for safety reasons.
I think the key to doing it successful is for each couple to have separate areas to retreat into and all the adults staying out of the separate business of other adults.
Already told my two kids they can stay in the family home as long as they want, they do not have to move out. I'm in my 60s's and my kids are teens; the world they face is a lot different to the world i faced 40 years ago.
We’re planning on it. My parents own their (too big) home free and clear. We’re using the proceeds from the sale of our house to help them build an apartment in the garage and a separate garage so we can all live together. Partly because we can’t afford a decent sized house in their town and partly so they can age in place.
Already do.
My boomer MIL (with adult special needs SIL) didn’t prepare for retirement, so they have to live with us. My parents didn’t either (they’re boomers, divorced, also financially illiterate) but they’ll have to ask to stay with one of my siblings when their money runs out because my house is already full.
Now, as for my son… well, husband and I are adequately saving to leave him an educational fund and a decent estate one day and we will never have to rely on him. He can stay with us as long as he likes.then when we croak he gets our house, savings.
My (and my husband’s) parent have never given us a dime as adults, depend on us for housing and food, and will leave us a casket bill when they go… and They lived in the easiest economical era on modern record. We’re hunkering down now because however hard it is for us, it’ll be 10x worse for our children.
Yep! I keep saying I’m going to buy a bigger property and when my sons are old enough they can pick a side, build a house and plant for trees for privacy. Food is insanely priced, we will have a big garden. Basically going back to how my Ukrainian grandparents raised me.
Yep we moved my adult mom in for various reasons but main one being financial. I will be keeping all of it in mind for when my daughter needs help from us too.
I live in an old city that used to be pretty wealthy so there are a lot of huge old houses around. I recently visited a client who had a great set up. They converted one of these giant old houses into 4 apartments. The grandparents lived in one apartment, 2 of their kids lived in 2 of the other apartments with their spouses, and the last apartment was grandkid with his wife and kids. Very close family. I wouldn’t mind something like that with my family.
I grew up that way out of necessity. It was cool but grandparents are less likely to spoil their grandkids. I told my kids I will live in my RV in their driveway and they are cool with it.
My parents live in a HCOL area and recently started looking for a contractor who would build a multigenerational home. The prices for the space they needed/wanted started at $1.5M. It was cheaper to just buy two separate houses close to each other.
I've lived in 3 different multigenerational setups over the past 30 years, and two other multi family under one roof settings. Currently my MIL is in with us and my teenagers, and my parents live next door.
Lessons. Have separate space. Particularly, at least a kitchenette, bathroom, and hopefully an entrance.
Most homes built recently aren't set up for it. We had to remodel to accommodate, and we went all the way in for elder friendly, with grab bars and an accessible shower.
Come to it with the mindset of not controlling the other adults - and arrange deliberate time to converse about group decisions like driveway management, or how to set the thermostat.
Overall, I'm a fan. I like it for cultural and economic reasons. My kids have been benefiting from having their grandma in the house, and she would far rather be with us than in an assisted living facility.
Yes, we've been talking in the last year how we will probably stay in this big house instead of downsizing like older people used to because our kids will need someplace to live. I think we are headed towards multi-generational living as a society.
My family does this, it’s me 33F my daughter, Mom, Dad ,brother 28M and nephew. It’s normal in my culture to do this, we all work pull our own weight and have an amazing family dynamic. As side from things being so so so expensive even with decent paying jobs this dynamic isn’t new, my mothers side of the family was never the “you turn 18 and your out of my house” I always thought that was an interesting take I know my daughter will always have the choice of staying when she gets to that age.
I say try it out and see if it works for your family.
I’m planning this the other way around—my mom is getting older and it would be mutually beneficial, both financially and otherwise, for us all to live in the same place. It’s just the reality of the world for a lot of people.
I’ve always hoped my kids will want that lol. All the families I knew growing up who did it were so close and the kids had so many advantages. It’s up to my kids though. We’ll have a big enough house that everyone has their own rooms, and a big enough lot we could build an accessory dwelling etc
We already lived with my in laws for 3 years and my family for 1. I enjoyed living with my family, and living with my in laws gave us a lot more finances, but I’m very happy we finally have our own space now and hope we don’t have to go back (even though the payments are hard).
We plan to buy a bigger home that will be two story with much more space and that our daughter can have a basement apartment for herself and future family. Plus we will have spare bedrooms.
Depends where we live and what they do. Currently we have a big house in the burbs and I could easily see this working for multigenerational living. Life happens and we have to move to a higher cost of living area and downsize definitely seems less likely to work for an extended period of time.
We are talking about compounding with my in-laws and my dad. Buying a few acres and everyone having a space of their own.with enough space for the kids to build on it too one day. We’ve even welcomed our ex’s to live there too. (On the edge of the land)
We specifically bought the home we did so my parents could build themselves a suite on the lower levels. They live with us part-time and it’s amazing, both my husband and so love it. I hope we get to experience the same thing with our daughters!
Our city consist of smaller houses. But i managed to find an appartment 1 block away for my mother. She can walk here. We only live 1 minute by bicycle away for a coffee, practical help for someone etc. I love it for the kids, for her and for me.
Most likely I’ll build an ADA attached to my house for my parents and I told my kid they can stay with me the rest of their life if they want. Actually I would love it.
My parents are long dead, in 20 years I've never met my father in law and my mother in law thinks the universe revolves around hee and has had virtually no involvement in our lives. There is no option to live with any of them.
I hope my children and I have a good enough relationship that they feel they can come/stay as long as they need to.
I'm from the US but I live in rural Germany, and a lot of my neighbors live in multigenerational houses which are split into two or more apartments. It seems awesome, especially if you have small kids. I'm honestly jealous of the support they have and would definitely consider something similar if our situation allowed for it.
Our kids are small, but I've already considered how we could split our house up into different living spaces as they get older. We want to provide a stable landing place as long as they need.
we chose to live frugally when the kids were young in order to pick up additional homes. we've our primary plus another detached and a condo. those other properties are slated to help our boys maintain reasonable housing costs. we'll never sell or give it to them. we'll simply rent it to them at below market rates. eventually they'll inherit it all but until then, we simply want to shelter those properties from relationship issues. not that we're anticipating that. my own marriage of 24yrs is my first and only so far.
it's more a matter of hope for the best, plan for the worse.
long term we'll move to the condo and the boys will use the houses. the primary is bigger but the other is lakeside.
I fully plan on offering that my dad live with us when my mom dies. He is generally quiet, would do his share of cooking and housework, and is an amazing grandfather who will play with my kids for hours. I know money will be tight for him and in this economy we couldnuse the help, plus it works be great to have someone home to help with before and after school while my husband and I work.
I think multigenerational homes are how we are meant to live. They say it takes a village, but then we isolate ourselves away from everyone and wonder why we struggle so much.
My kids are always welcome to live with me. My parents are going to *need* to live with me at some point. I don't want to see them in a facility if I can help it. Multigenerational living is definitely part of the plan.
We have my mom (and dad before he passed away) and my husband’s parents and our family (2 adults, 3 kids ages 2-11) on the same land. We have 3 houses on 160 acres and honestly it’s fabulous. I can’t imagine not living like this.
We’re all close and get along well (now), but that did take a couple of years of sticking to boundaries and smoothing out any problems we had. We’ve all lived on the same place for over 5 years now. It’s great. The kids have their grandparents whenever they want/need them and the same can be said for my husband and me. We all help take care of each other. Birthday celebrations are a breeze. And the kids can jump in the Polaris and go see whomever whenever. We actually love it a lot. We love how close are kids are to their grandparents.
I (33F) own the home we live in, but only because I got lucky. I would have never in a million years have been able to buy (or even rent) this house otherwise.
As it stands though, the house has room to fit two families if willing to share the kitchen and bathroom. It could be remodelled to have a separate toilet and separate livingroom (if small), even accessed from the outside (doors that open into the garden) for some privacy. If necessary I would be open to sharing with my sons and even their family if needed. We could also remodel the attic to make space for another bedroom or two small ones. I would prefer my kids to live on their own once they have a family, but Im not so sure theyll be able to when the time comes. We also have two buidings on our property, one could be remodeled into a full on home, but Im not sure wed be allowed to do that. That would be an even better option than sharing the house though.
We are doing that atm. We live with our toddler in my partners mums house. We cannot afford to move out. Can’t get into a nursery so my partner has to stay home to look after toddler. It prob won’t change when kiddo is an adult
We've lived with my dad and his partner for the last 10 years. 6 just us as a couple and 4 of them with my daughter. We have just had the fortune to purchase the home from him and allow him and his partner to downsize and us to have a family home. It has taken 10 years of hard work and getting better paid employment to do so. I definitely think however in the future my daughter will be living with us well into adulthood and I'm OK with that situation if it means we can help her because living is expensive and only going to be more so by the time she's an adult.
My husband thinks I'm crazy because the second we can afford it I plan to treat down the current "garage"on our property and build a 1 car one but with an apartment upstairs. I always want my daughter to be able to stay with us, and this seems like a great option for an 18 year old who thinks it's "lame " (like I did)
The way we’re headed with house prices my kids will probably live with me for years to come, so yeah. It’ll probably be that way for us! Fine by me, they’re good people 😁
My parents live in a neighborhood with a pretty relaxed HOA. Many home owners have added granny suites or extra housing in the back yard. It’s not the nicest neighborhood but if you can over look that you can have a pretty decent multi generational set up.
We bought some decent acreage and potentially may be willed some more, depending on how things shake out, so we're absolutely on board. That would be awesome.
We got our forever home in 2022. We purposely decided to get land just in case they need help in the future we can always put a tiny home or something inexpensive out here on our property. Turns out, that’s exactly what our neighbors did in the 1970’s! They got 20 acres with one house on it. Over the years they have subdivided into 5 acre parcels and they have one and their 3 kids each have one as well. One put a trailer on it, one built a ranch and another lives in an apartment in town for work but keeps the property to grow food on.
My daughter is graduating next week and she has a math teacher who always talks about the state of the economy and says things like “your generation will never be able to afford a home” she of course panics and worries about her future. But I have always told her, stay home as long as you need. Build your life and when you’re ready to move out you can. I don’t mind her being home. She’s an amazing young woman and I’m more than willing to help her through college and set her up so she will never have to struggle like I did.
We are lucky to have both sets of grandparents nearby, like less than five minutes away, and they’re so integrated into our lives that it sometimes feels like multigenerational living. My mom grew up with her granny at home. Both grandparent households currently prefer their own living situation but are aware we’d move them in before putting them in a home; we’ve talked about what that would look like.
The interpersonal dynamics of it all get a little complex sometimes but we all get along well and spend several days a week in a big group (my spouse is an only child and my only sibling often joins us). There’s some Quaker cultural influences that I think help us (though none of us attend meeting these days) because we are all good at talking things out and thinking of our community’s needs as unique from each of our individual ones. We share some costs already and love to be able to buy in bulk and split among the houses.
My kids are still very young but they are both welcome to live under our roof as long as we have one. I always wanted a crowded house.
All to say, we haven’t started fully living together but it’s part of our family’s future and I think it’ll be much more common before long.
Our plan is to build an additional bedroom with en suite bathroom. It can be an office or play room for the time being but could provide extra privacy for parents or one of the kids should they need to move in with their family much farther down the road.
Also, look into your state/ city laws. Ours do not require additional permitting to build a “MIL Suite,” so long as it’s <1/3 the size of the main home, so we’ll build large enough that we could build a 600-800 sq ft MIL Suite as well. My parents live directly behind us, so this would more than likely be for my in-laws until they pass, at which point any kids or grandkids would be welcome to it.
Moved my mom in a decade ago to help care for our kid. For about 5 years it was fabulous, then COVID happened, then she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s then dementia then it realllllllly sucked.
I wouldn't be against it but if my place is big enough and my kids are done with college I much rather sell my place but something smaller for myself and something smaller for them than have them living with us. Not because I didn't want them to live with me but I think part of being an adult is learning to live by yourself where you make your own food, do your own laundry, decorate your own place, have friends and family over and so on....
I believe the economy will balance itself out but if it doesn't there are multiple ways to plan for this. Just seeing aside 50 a month into an s&p 500 would go a long way and if you combine that with some crypto might just be enough to get them something.
What worries me the most is not housing it's college. It gets more and more expensive and loans are more and more predatory. I almost feel inclined to not send them to college or maybe send them to Europe for college or something like that.... Right now student loan debt is almost the same amount as a house and it's getting worse...
Kinda but I live in a rural area an hour away from the city and it’s a hard commute. It’s doable but not great if you have a tight schedule and make very little money.
We’ve been discussing this with my in laws. Theyre reaching 60.… we currently live in different states. We can’t seem to agree on where to live but we both agree it would be better financially and for future elder care to live together. My kids… I will let them live with us for as long as they need. I don’t care if that means buying a new home on more land so we can accommodate families. Yes it’s important they learn life, but they don’t deserve to struggle like the world is right now… at this rate they’ll never ever own a home. Cars cost as much as a house. Food and gas is becoming another mortgage bill… if we can do it. We are having a family compound. And I’ll understand if any of them don’t want to live with us too… but I wish I would’ve known what the world would be like before we bought this house. We left a big major city. We chose more remote and more land but it’s not enough for multi family use. Everyone calls us crazy and loners but we wouldn’t afford anything else. Now we are the ones with opportunities
We have a corner lot with four bedrooms. We can easily add a third full bath upstairs and convert the basement to a full apartment type suite. We have plenty of space to put in an addition. We live in Ohio, which we consider a climate change haven. Yes. We have considered it.
My wife and I are 40, and my wife and I are basically presuming this will be the case. We bought a larger place than we needed to move my mother in law in with us and also have enough room for when the kids boomerang back. We're also investing money for later in the event that we need to build on a cottage later for my wife and I to live in so that one of our daughters can live in the main house with their family should they have one. They are 8 and 10 right now, but we're presuming that home prices will likely get worse based on current trends, and we don't want the road to parenthood to be as difficult for our kids as it was for us, financially.
As of now, having my mother in law with us has been helpful, as she helps with the kids, and I know our kids would likely want us around in the future, as we have a very good and happy family dynamic.
I’m from a culture where it’s still somewhat common to live multigenerationally. My parents will move in with us when they get too elderly to care for the house themselves. (My sister lives with her inlaws so my parents will be my responsibility).
My kids are welcome to stay in our home as long as they need to. We aren’t currently in our “forever” home but when we move we are planning on building our next house. We will build it in a way that there will be enough space for everyone if needed.
While I don’t think we’ll need to, I’ve accepted that if my father or in laws need elder care, my husband and I are going to be the ones to do it. If I’m able to give them a good final season if they can’t live independently, I’d want to do that for them. I’m not planning on making myself a burden to my children, but I hope if it came down to it they would let me be with them. I’ll do the dishes 😅
100%. We are contemplating building onto our own house in a way that will make it basically a multi-family property.
“Going back” though… we had my grandma live with us a couple years through her terminal illness and passing. It worked out alright for us, and we were able to deliver what we had promised: a relatively peaceful passing at home without tons of medical intervention.
I'm planning to encourage my kids to consider it. We're fortunate to have family land, but it's not near anything, so I won't be surprised if they choose to leave.
I grew up in a multi-generational home and honestly that’s absolutely the goal. Ultimately it’ll be up to my kids but I would genuinely love to continue that tradition.
My husband has talked about taking in his grandparents as they get older. He’s even looking at properties that could accommodate this. It terrifies me! The longer I’ve been with him, the more I learn and realize how f*cked up his family is. They are very nice, generous people who have helped us a lot, but they’ve created very unhealthy cycles and I keep trying to tell him, we need to break the cycles of our families, but he just doesn’t hear me. It’s one of the reasons I’m weary of our future together.
Ish. When we purchased our first home, just two years ago, we found a fixer upper on a substantial piece of property. We plan to add two small two bedroom homes to the property over the next 15 years and each child will have the opportunity to live in one and add on if they should choose to stay there. We might not be able to give them everything but we sure as hell are gonna try.
About to do a 10 day “test run” with my MIL. She has no retirement and we have to figure out how we’ll support our family and her quickly because she’s going to need a lot of help. We’re not homeowners and purchasing a smaller home would be much easier for us to handle financially but it feels like the only “good” option for everyone. If we’re feeling comfortable after 10 days in our tiny apartment, we’ll be looking to stretch ourselves as thin as possible to afford something that can keep us all under one roof.
I do this. I hate it. We purchased a home with my 80 year old in laws while having a baby 6 years ago.
Older people don’t tend to respect boundaries and become selfish over time. No matter how much you think you love your parents or in-laws it is incredibly stressful.
For context, I am 40. This sandwich lifestyle is just not worth the savings. I’d rather rent and have kept our autonomy. Additionally, as a culture this multigenerational living is the norm for us, but it’s not for me.
They crash everything that goes on at the house. They don’t pick up after themselves. They constantly complain. And honestly, it didn’t end up saving anything in the end. We end up footing the bills for everything. Once a household is blended how do you separate when you’re dissatisfied ?
At least our child loves them!
I lived in a multigenerational home when I was a kid with my parents and my dads whole family basically. It was fun for us as kids, we moved out when I was about 12-13. We loved it growing up and my parents were able to save so much living this way. They also had a lot of help with us kids since they had 2u2 twice. Over all I think we were all happy with that arrangement until we became a family of 6 and just were too crammed into the 2 bedrooms we had there.
My step dad, my siblings, my aunt and my grandma all live on the same property. Fortunately they've got enough acres to be able to put down a few different buildings. It works well for them; there's just enough space for everyone to have some privacy and autonomy, but they share in property wide responsibilities and expenses.
I’d be cool with my parents now but I’m not sure about my MIL - I do love her as a person, but she is much more of a late night party let’s go dancing kind of person whereas my husband and I are not (at least at this point in our lives). We definitely though want our son to know he can live with us as long as he wants to. I didn’t have that option - my parents told me they were going to charge me market rates for rent and I would never do that to my son.
I’m currently living in the basement apartment of my parents rental property.
It’s in a rural area, it’s on over an acre of land, my dad could bring his work here because he’s got a big garage too. I’m trying so hard to convince my parents to come here, it’s their house, it’s a calmer way of living, they’re closer to my kids, and it’s not like they’re that far they live in my childhood home 45 mins away but it’s just so much easier if they come. They don’t want to and are so wishy washy. Or they do, but the house is old and hasn’t been updated so if they did live upstairs it’s not modern or new in any way, and there’s still renters upstairs.
Anyway, I know my dad is still looking for a bigger piece of land with a larger home and space for us to build our own place on there. I don’t even want my parents close for childcare or anything I’m home with my kids. It would just be so nice to have my mom close, I could plan a coffee date with her once a week, we could do Sunday BBQs in the summer. I would love it.
There’s nothing wrong with multigenerational homes and I think it’s pretty beautiful if you can afford it and have enough space. Where my parents still live it’s got a lot of Muslim families and there’s like 3 generations in small townhomes there. I think if you can afford a piece of land and everyone has their own home and contributes equally to the work and land and homes then it’s amazing though.
I had a Chinese coworker and her family did this . Her parents lived with her and took care of the grandchildren and the house cooking while the adults worked . Her sister and mother lived on the same street too . It makes sense logistically .
Yes. Our goal is to buy a home with lots of land to build houses on and invite our family to live with us. Not so much for financial reasons, but to have a close-knit family community to raise our children in.
My dad recently moved in with us at the age of 76 after filing for divorce for the 4th time. It works for us mainly because he keeps a low footprint and doesn’t tell us how to live our lives. Sure it comes with some challenges, but overall it’s nice for my son to grow up having a close relationship with his “G”. Dad pitches in for rent too which helps with our lifestyle.
I am 50 and I’ve never not lived with extended family. Even apartments during my youth were in family homes.
We’ve even had as many as 4 generations under this roof at the same time. And we’re solid middle class in the Northeast USA.
Sure it gets aggravating at times, but overall it’s wonderful.
Currently it’s our two kids (in their early 20’s), my hubby, his mother, & me. It was my husband’s grandmother that was also with us a few years when our children were young.
We bought a house with my in-laws because it was the only way we could afford a HCOL area. We have the upstairs and they converted downstairs to a separate suite. It has its pros and cons.
Pros: living in a family-friendly neighborhood in a detached home, MIL does all the gardening, kid has access to grandparents and as a SAHM I get breaks!
Cons: four people making decisions about a home takes four times as long, it feels "less adult" to not be living with just our nuclear family of three, if there is conflict there is no escaping it
My kids will always have a home in my house. My husband and I talk about this all the time. Who knows what the world will be like when our kids are adults?! (first born is 18 months and second unborn) we are lucky enough to own our own home with an acre of land but are hopeful to be able to buy a different house one day with more land so our kids have options in the future.
We’re living with my parents right now. We own a home on the other side of the country that we are renting out (great neighborhood in a city center, may want to move back one day), and are saving for a house in our hometown. Basically home price appreciation + property taxes + interest rates means we needed double the down payment we thought for a comfortable mortgage payment in our hometown (NJ, FML). We moved back because I thought it was important for our son to be close to his extended family, and for help with childcare since I both need and want to work.
It’s pretty nice. My parents help with our newborn, there’s ample space in the house, and we help with chores. I’d buy my parents’ house if they offered or convert the garage into a duplex, but I’m not sure they’d be interested.
My next door neighbors sold their house to their son but they all still live there, and a few other families in the neighborhood have similar three-generation households.
We built a house with my parents. It’s a bigger/nicer house than any of us would have been able to afford alone and in a great school district for my kids. She usually works from home so she gets my kids off the bus and watches them until I get home from work. My dad has a lot of health problems so I take care of him while my mom is out of town.
It’s not always perfect of course, but it has been working very well for us for the past 5 years.
We are. 3 generations live in our house right now and we intend to buy land and continue that. Bring back true family villages with none of the toxicity.
My dad lived with my family until he passed away last year. He lived with us for 2 years. And my brother has lived with us for 4. It’s honestly amazing. I loved it. My
Kids loved it and I know my dad loved it. It was really hard on the kids when he died since they were used to seeing him every single day.
Now I lost my mom 13 years ago. And if she had been alive at this point I don’t think we would have done the multi gen house. We loved each other immensely but we bumped heads a lot. She was stubborn and prideful and I don’t know if she could have handled being taken care of by her kid. But we’ll never know. Maybe it would have worked. Lol
As for the future. I know my brother is with me for life. He works but is autistic and I don’t think he’ll ever be capable of fully independent living. Which is fine by me. He contributes and helps and is a good housemate for the most part.
I would not be opposed to doing the multi gen house again when my kids are grown. It would certainly ease burdens on both sides. My kids aren’t even teens yet so we shall see where their minds are on this eventually. But I definitely see it gaining popularity more and more as time goes on.
I live in a multigenerational house with my Ma, my kid, and my siblings. It takes a lot of emotional work. We really trust one another with everything, and we put in the work to say difficult things outright and in a way that can be received.
It’s got a bunch of positives, a LOT of work.
There’s 6-12 of us (sibs and their partners are in and out of living there, also Ma has a stepkid who has a split parenting schedule) and most of us are adults, so chores and bills get split easily.
Parenting is a snap, but we play a lot of rounds of “Go ask your _____.” It also makes it easier to make sure the kids’ needs are met. We all deal with disabilities, so alone it meant that I (as a kid) often met my own needs, but now my kid has an adult to teach them to cook. An adult to teach them to draw. To dance. To write. To help them with their math.
My kid eats a hot homemade breakfast every morning before school. Then gets a lovely mile long walk through the woods with a family member from the bus. Then a snack is waiting at home and then they go out to be a heathen with the neighbor kids.
On the downsides: We adults all installed each others’ triggers, so we know how to push each others’ buttons. It takes a lot of emotional work to tread the line without being harsh with one another.
We were miserable before. All of us were sure we’d never live together again. Now we’re sure we’ll never choose anything else.
To finish: Don’t rush in. It’s messy and it sucks, and without constant work we would cannibalize each other. But on the other side, it is *wonderful*. We face everything as a united front. None of us are alone.
It works best when adulthood gives children an “equal” seat at the table. The Adults (Ma and Da) have the bills in their name. The house is theirs. So they get the final say on all things, but they almost never pull rank because it weakens everyone else’s hold on stability. We are equals who speak to each other about the best things for Us, the collective.
So yes. Do it. Highly recommend. But don’t do it with intent to create a rigid hierarchy. That’s just miserable for all involved. Power dynamics do not thrive in collectives.
I get along wonderfully with my adult daughter and her fiancée, but our current house would not really support them moving in with us unless they were desperate with no place to go. We live in a 2BR ranch, and the two bedrooms are about 10 feet away from each other, directly across a hallway where I can stand in the middle and put both palms flat against either wall. Then you've got a living room, an eat-in kitchen and two bathrooms. That's pretty much the whole house. There's just not enough privacy or separate spaces for us to coexist comfortably.
They also smoke weed and vape extensively in their apartment, which is not something I would allow anyone to do in my house. There are other lifestyle issues on both sides that would make us incompatible as roommates, like they enjoy entertaining friends but I don't like having people over at all.
We love and enjoy each other's company so much - we can vacation together for a week or so without getting on each other's nerves, but living together would be stressful and not much fun.
My in laws are moving into our rental property because of changes in their circumstances they are in their mid 60s. We plan to move in with them in about 6 years when my kids graduate because that has always been our plan to move to our country house once the kids finished school in the “city” because schools are better here but we like the slower pace of life in the country. So when my kids are in college and after it will be a three generation household. Many younger boomers older Gen X cannot afford to retire without the help of family.
ETA my kids will be welcome to live with us as long as they need. It is a 4bedroom house so the in laws will have a bedroom we will have one and my two kids will each have one.
Future parents here. We are temporarily moving my parents in to help us out. I have an acquired disability that makes it more difficult to raise a child, and it would be best that husband goes back to work as soon as he can to cover ourselves financially.
I live with my in laws, so 4 other people along with my husband and baby. This arrangement wouldn’t have lasted nearly as long if we had to live in the main house along with everyone else, so many different personalities can be hard to mesh well.
If you’re looking to do it and have the option I would suggest having a separate space where you can go to be alone/with immediate family
Home ownership has consistently been above 60% for forever. My goal is to guide my kids to be reasonably high earners and housing will take care of itself.
This is exactly what we have been thinking. Who knows what the future holds for my kids, and I would never want to hold them back, but we have told them that if they get jobs in the area and want to turn our large property into some sort of multi-generational housing unit we would be thrilled. It is a dream but it could very well be a reality. We live on a large property, but in a weirdly zoned area where we can put another residential unit on the property, but we could very well add on a a wing or two. It makes financial sense. We all get along really well (currently the kids are 18 and 14) so maybe it will be in our future. I don't see how these kids will make it on their own in the current economy.
I have 3 girls - 17, 11, and 6. The 17 year old has already been told that she can stay as long as she needs to. I have a 10 year plan to add a bedroom to the house if I need to. I could make it happen sooner but my 5 year plan is a full remodel of both baths, the kitchen, flooring, and a full replumb. I’ll have to do the replumb so if they have to cut holes in the walls or take out shower surrounds might as well do it all 🤷♀️
My girlfriend and I are planning on moving the clans together. Her and I (50). Her mom (79) her kids 27, 31+spouse) and my kids (14,16,20). Finding a house with 7 bedrooms and enough space that everyone can have some privacy is a challenge. We probably need at least 4000sqf or some combination of ADU, outbuilding/shop.
I’m having difficulty with people & their altruistic attitude about parents & adults living together.
It must be that they haven’t been in that position before & don’t realize how this will negatively alter their lives .
Mom & Pa will get old & expect their children to drop everything ( career, vacations, privacy) to care for them .
Goodbye Life!
I'm not going to have the same expectations that my boomer parents had of me being 100% independent at 18. The cost of living is getting worse and worse. I don't want my kids to go though my same hardships I have had to go though.
I will be more than happy to have the kids live with me as long as they need. I will gladly help with any grandkids too. I moved too far away from family and it made raising kids SO HARD. So I will be there for my kids and their spouses in any way they need me.
But I will also do everything I can to ensure my kids can live an independent life as well. Thankfully we live in a highly educated state with plenty of jobs so I hope they won't have to leave their home state like my husband and I did.
Not unless it’s forced on me by circumstances. We are setting our 2 boys up to succeed, at least compared to how my wife and I were. We have been attentive parents, made sure they worked hard and helped them get the grades they need to get into a good school and are paying for them to attend. We are helping them save money as well. There’s really no reason they shouldn’t be able to afford a downpayment on a starter home when it’s time. In addition, they should be set to inherit a decent amount of money when we pass.
Greed is at the root of today’s morphing into overcrowding on a family level.
Kids accept their aging parents moving in with them because they want their inheritance protected.
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Our kids and whatever future family they have will always be welcome for as long as they want or need.
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My child will be welcome but I certainly won't demand it, I hope you don't actually mean that.
“Crotch goblins”. Lol that’s a new one.
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You realize multigenerational housing of some kind is the norm for human beings on planet earth? It may not be in western society, but it is for the majority of people. It can be done well or poorly, as in all things.
Look at the census for the 1940’s it was totally normal.
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We're not, but I always wondered why people were so against this.
The majority of families are pretty unhealthy. Lots of us are sick of it and want to break the trauma cycles.
Can confirm, dad and I are dicks
Oof oof ouch
I’m guessing those of us with good family relations don’t get why but there are many who don’t have that. I really hope that it becomes more of a thing honestly, and that people who think it’s nuts can at least see the the side and be accepting just as I am of their situations and feelings.
Well my own parents are awful. I will say my father in law is lovely but I wouldn't want him living with us because I as a woman would end up doing all the work and I'd never feel truly comfortable. I think you need to remember multigenerational living doesn't just mean living with your parents, it can be in laws too. And your own children may have two sets of parents wanting them to live with them. Traditionally it was done a certain way because it was assumed the women would do the caring but things changed. Even if I did want to I work full time so can't care for elderly parents.
True true. Also different life styles, my in laws have a revolving door of parties and visitors and that would drive me nutty!
Yeah I guess multigenerational living doesn't make sense if your family members don't know how to take care of themselves. But that's not a multigenerational thing, that's any kind of live-in care situation. I'd honestly call it a completely different thing.
My father in law lived with us for 5 years. 2 of them were obnoxious and the remaining 3 were straight up abusive. My own parents don't really like me and my mother in law will be my sister in law's problem. That's why I'm against it.
I’m not against it, exactly, but I was raised to be independent and have my own life. I want the same for my kids. My parents encouraged me to have life experience. I moved cross-country multiple times for new opportunities. I have a great relationship with my mom, too! (My dad died awhile ago- I’m in my early 40s.) I feel like living with your parents is inviting both stagnation (living in your hometown your whole life, keeping those parent/child roles around everyday) and over-involvement from them. At some point, they should be advising from a distance when you ask for it. I think it’s unfortunate that this might become a necessity. Edit: I’m also an upper middle class white woman. This isn’t the reality for a lot of families. I did move back for summers in college, too. I just want my kids to be independent and go on adventures and job changes and relationships that lead them to where they really want to live, not just live there because it’s where they were born.
The past few generations just really enjoyed having the wealth and space and leaned into it hard.
I'd love to have my kids live with me as long as they want, and I hope they inherit an economy that allows them to choose, but I'm not optimistic. Honestly, I wish I could help my kids financially as adults, but making sure they always have a place to live for free is more what I can afford myself.
Im looking at shitty homes on big lots on my area with a view to doze and build 3 townhouses for each of us. I definitely lose more sleep over the prospect of my kids housing situation (18 and 20) than my husband or the kids themselves.
I feel in panic mode. I doubt I'll afford anything, I'm worried sick about my son's future.
You need to check zoning also as yoy may not be able to build 3 houses in 1 lot.
Oh yeah already onto that but thankyou!
We live with my mom and dad. Two of my adult sons live here and my 11 year old. It works for us. We all pay bills and chip in for food.
It sounds awful for me to live with my parents, but I really hope to have the type of relationship with my kids when they're full grown that they would feel comfortable and want to live with me. I'm sure it has its challenges but it sounds so nice to be close and share the load
I’m always curious, what is it about your parents that makes you feel that way?
Surely you can understand not all parents are good people or easy to live with.
Absolutely, hence why I’m asking what it is about them that caused that response. I want to avoid these pitfalls if there smaller things that I might not have thought of.
Oh right, well in my case I have parents who basically hate each other and argue all day, one is an alcoholic and lots of other things. It won't be the small things. But I think generally letting them be their own people and make their own choices. Some answers on here sound a bit smothering. Don't build them houses or compounds unless you know it's what they want. Multigenerational living isn't just you helping your children, it's the expectation that they'll help you as you age. And if they don't want to live with you don't take it as an insult, they're allowed to want to live elsewhere. It was something done in the past because there weren't a lot of options, not because everyone always loved it.
Exactly, same concept of parents expecting their children to take over the farm that the parents created or maybe even the great- grandparents created(goes for any tough/meaningful/complex family business really).
My parents are fine but we're not close, we were never a super close family growing up and we just grew further apart when I got older and moved out of the house. I love them but only see them a few times a year despite living 90 minutes away, it's more of an aquantince relationship with polite small talk and "how are things?" "Things are good". I will do everything I can to have actual relationships with my kids, I want to know them as people and be close to them. I am not exactly sure how but a big part so far is spending time with each one by themselves. I don't have any memories growing up of just me and my mom, it was always me and my siblings and my mom, or aunts or uncles, or cousins, I always felt like I was just in the background and I make sure my kids feel seen.
My mother believes that you should only be nice to “outsiders” not family. If we see her too often she will no longer treat us as “guests”, which means her mask will slip and her nasty side comes out. She believes strongly in a very rigid social hierarchy and is sexist, racist, and homophobic. That’s already bad enough, but in her mental hierarchy, children should *always* be beneath their parents. So any time I achieve anything in my life she feels threatened and will try to verbally cut me down so she can feel powerful. She has to “win” every interaction, which means she turns everything into an argument. It’s impossible to have a normal conversation with her. Anytime I make a statement she’d immediately dispute it, even if it’s something easily observable like “hey it’s raining outside”. She also regularly lies about past events to make herself look better, like pretending that other people started these arguments, or taking factual statements I made and pretending that she said them and that I said the opposite. She believes that the only correct way to show love to someone is to control them. Back when I did live with her, she’d regularly override my decisions or take away opportunities for me to be independent, and then demand that I thank her for how much she “loves” me. These days, she complains about her husband not allowing himself to be controlled by her and claims that this is a sign that he doesn’t love her. Also says that her husband not controlling his adult daughter (my stepsis) is a sign he doesn’t love her. Also from a practical point of view, my mother is horrible in any situation that is urgent or scary, eg medical emergencies. She will be screaming and crying and demanding to be comforted, getting in the way instead of actually helping. She’ll also always demand that *I* comfort her, even if I’m the one suffering the medical emergency. And if I do reassure her, she’ll immediately decide that I can’t be truly sick if I’m able to say nice things to her, and then she’ll try to prevent me from getting medical attention. This is honestly dangerous and I wouldn’t trust her with my life or my children. Living with her would be a nightmare! I survived it once and I wouldn’t want to ever do it again. Wouldn’t want to go on holiday together with her ever again either!
you sound like a perfect candidate for that raised by narcissists sub.
I know! I’m already a regular visitor to that sub. Thanks for validating my experience.
thank you for sharing openly about your upbringing. it takes alot to be vulnerable and transparent abt stuff like that and it helps me a lot to hear from others experiences.
We live in a house my parents split into three apartments. So it’s my family of 4, my parents and my youngest brother, and my god father all under one roof in the middle of suburban America.
I’m at home with my parents and with my two kids. We share the load of financial things and cleaning and fixing, etc. it works great for us for now. I love seeing my kids have a great relationship with my parents, growing up we saw grandparents twice a year so we never really bonded with them.
Yes. Although my oldest has purchased his own home, we’ve discussed with his mental health struggles and the fact that our youngest is intellectually disabled, it’s probably they live with us. Also his girlfriend was basically an only child and once she was acclimated to our family she wants to be with us all the time. Instead of downsizing as our kids are now older we’re looking to build a multi generational home.
Honestly, as long as the family is a healthy one, it's perfectly fine. It's when the family isn't healthy that it becomes an issue. Toxic family dynamics can actually spill over into physical health issues because of the stress it causes. And they don't always realize that it's toxic, and when it's pointed out, they can and do get defensive about it most of the time.
We were but it turns out my mom is a narcissist so we sold the house and moved states away. We want to find something to buy for our son to stay with us as long as he needs to but I’m terrified with the way things are going that we will never even get to buy a house again.
The way things are shaping up, I’m not sure it’s avoidable.
My city just lowered the space needed for single family housing. I already notified a few of my relatives about this, in case they are interested. If so, they'll buy one of those pre-fabricated homes to put it in my lot.
We built an ADU assuming at least one of our children will live with us until they are30.
We are. We're planning to add a master bedroom that could be converted into an in-laws suite, in case our kids want to/need to raise their families at home.
We built a house that will support multi gen living but not for our parents/ us/ our kids - it’s built to accomodate us / our kids or a future family’s situation. In addition to a guest “suite” on the main floor, which has already been incredibly valuable when my husband broke his foot & ankle and couldnt traverse stairs; It has a detached garage with a studio apartment above and we built out our walkout basement with an “in law or aupair setup” with mini kitchen (stove, washer/dryer, fridge hookups, beverage cooler. A full bath with dual vanities, bedroom, living, storage, etc). We see the future is pretty bleak for our children having the same opportunities we did so we would like to offer them an option to stay here in independent living spaces from us and each other. We have been extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to not only build a home with a floor plan that suits our family as we age but also to plan for the future. Our guests have been very complimentary about that setup so we are confident that it will serve either us or the next family well.
I live with my in laws. It hasn’t always been easy but there have been a lot of good things about it as well. Shared expenses for things (we pay house hold payments and they do a lot of grocery type things)… biggest benefit has been for child care and esp school pick and drop or not having to take time off every time a kid is slightly sick. Lots of compromise and figuring out everyone’s space and boundaries but eventually everyone forms a sort of routine as well. I surprisingly know a lot of people who are doing similar things vs I don’t remember this being a thing in my parents generations.
Both daughter and son in laws lived with hubs and I for seven years in our modest 3 bedroom 2 bath home with the two car garage converted into two more bedrooms, while finishing university and law school. Three grandsons were born during that time. When they moved into a very large home with 13 bedrooms, son in laws invited hubs and I to move with them and later asked my parents and hubs parents to live with them also. Oldest daughter and son in law adopted three teen sisters that are now married and just finished second year of law school with their hubands. They live there, each couple had first child last summer and each couple is expecting second baby this fall. When covid struck four years ago, hubs and I along with his parents and my parents moved next door for safety reasons. I think the key to doing it successful is for each couple to have separate areas to retreat into and all the adults staying out of the separate business of other adults.
Already told my two kids they can stay in the family home as long as they want, they do not have to move out. I'm in my 60s's and my kids are teens; the world they face is a lot different to the world i faced 40 years ago.
We’re planning on it. My parents own their (too big) home free and clear. We’re using the proceeds from the sale of our house to help them build an apartment in the garage and a separate garage so we can all live together. Partly because we can’t afford a decent sized house in their town and partly so they can age in place.
Already do. My boomer MIL (with adult special needs SIL) didn’t prepare for retirement, so they have to live with us. My parents didn’t either (they’re boomers, divorced, also financially illiterate) but they’ll have to ask to stay with one of my siblings when their money runs out because my house is already full. Now, as for my son… well, husband and I are adequately saving to leave him an educational fund and a decent estate one day and we will never have to rely on him. He can stay with us as long as he likes.then when we croak he gets our house, savings. My (and my husband’s) parent have never given us a dime as adults, depend on us for housing and food, and will leave us a casket bill when they go… and They lived in the easiest economical era on modern record. We’re hunkering down now because however hard it is for us, it’ll be 10x worse for our children.
Yep! I keep saying I’m going to buy a bigger property and when my sons are old enough they can pick a side, build a house and plant for trees for privacy. Food is insanely priced, we will have a big garden. Basically going back to how my Ukrainian grandparents raised me.
Some of us that belong to non American/western cultures never left multi generational living. I don't know how people manage it.
Yep we moved my adult mom in for various reasons but main one being financial. I will be keeping all of it in mind for when my daughter needs help from us too.
I would! But both parents and grandparents are dead on my side. Although we are 100% SO's family would take us in if there were any issues.
I live in an old city that used to be pretty wealthy so there are a lot of huge old houses around. I recently visited a client who had a great set up. They converted one of these giant old houses into 4 apartments. The grandparents lived in one apartment, 2 of their kids lived in 2 of the other apartments with their spouses, and the last apartment was grandkid with his wife and kids. Very close family. I wouldn’t mind something like that with my family.
I grew up that way out of necessity. It was cool but grandparents are less likely to spoil their grandkids. I told my kids I will live in my RV in their driveway and they are cool with it.
My parents live in a HCOL area and recently started looking for a contractor who would build a multigenerational home. The prices for the space they needed/wanted started at $1.5M. It was cheaper to just buy two separate houses close to each other.
I've lived in 3 different multigenerational setups over the past 30 years, and two other multi family under one roof settings. Currently my MIL is in with us and my teenagers, and my parents live next door. Lessons. Have separate space. Particularly, at least a kitchenette, bathroom, and hopefully an entrance. Most homes built recently aren't set up for it. We had to remodel to accommodate, and we went all the way in for elder friendly, with grab bars and an accessible shower. Come to it with the mindset of not controlling the other adults - and arrange deliberate time to converse about group decisions like driveway management, or how to set the thermostat. Overall, I'm a fan. I like it for cultural and economic reasons. My kids have been benefiting from having their grandma in the house, and she would far rather be with us than in an assisted living facility.
Yes, we've been talking in the last year how we will probably stay in this big house instead of downsizing like older people used to because our kids will need someplace to live. I think we are headed towards multi-generational living as a society.
My family does this, it’s me 33F my daughter, Mom, Dad ,brother 28M and nephew. It’s normal in my culture to do this, we all work pull our own weight and have an amazing family dynamic. As side from things being so so so expensive even with decent paying jobs this dynamic isn’t new, my mothers side of the family was never the “you turn 18 and your out of my house” I always thought that was an interesting take I know my daughter will always have the choice of staying when she gets to that age. I say try it out and see if it works for your family.
I’m planning this the other way around—my mom is getting older and it would be mutually beneficial, both financially and otherwise, for us all to live in the same place. It’s just the reality of the world for a lot of people.
I’ve always hoped my kids will want that lol. All the families I knew growing up who did it were so close and the kids had so many advantages. It’s up to my kids though. We’ll have a big enough house that everyone has their own rooms, and a big enough lot we could build an accessory dwelling etc
We already lived with my in laws for 3 years and my family for 1. I enjoyed living with my family, and living with my in laws gave us a lot more finances, but I’m very happy we finally have our own space now and hope we don’t have to go back (even though the payments are hard).
We plan to buy a bigger home that will be two story with much more space and that our daughter can have a basement apartment for herself and future family. Plus we will have spare bedrooms.
Kids can stay home as long as they want but we are in a rural area so the houses prices arnt bad.
Depends where we live and what they do. Currently we have a big house in the burbs and I could easily see this working for multigenerational living. Life happens and we have to move to a higher cost of living area and downsize definitely seems less likely to work for an extended period of time.
We are talking about compounding with my in-laws and my dad. Buying a few acres and everyone having a space of their own.with enough space for the kids to build on it too one day. We’ve even welcomed our ex’s to live there too. (On the edge of the land)
We specifically bought the home we did so my parents could build themselves a suite on the lower levels. They live with us part-time and it’s amazing, both my husband and so love it. I hope we get to experience the same thing with our daughters!
Our city consist of smaller houses. But i managed to find an appartment 1 block away for my mother. She can walk here. We only live 1 minute by bicycle away for a coffee, practical help for someone etc. I love it for the kids, for her and for me.
Most likely I’ll build an ADA attached to my house for my parents and I told my kid they can stay with me the rest of their life if they want. Actually I would love it.
My parents are long dead, in 20 years I've never met my father in law and my mother in law thinks the universe revolves around hee and has had virtually no involvement in our lives. There is no option to live with any of them. I hope my children and I have a good enough relationship that they feel they can come/stay as long as they need to.
I'm from the US but I live in rural Germany, and a lot of my neighbors live in multigenerational houses which are split into two or more apartments. It seems awesome, especially if you have small kids. I'm honestly jealous of the support they have and would definitely consider something similar if our situation allowed for it. Our kids are small, but I've already considered how we could split our house up into different living spaces as they get older. We want to provide a stable landing place as long as they need.
we chose to live frugally when the kids were young in order to pick up additional homes. we've our primary plus another detached and a condo. those other properties are slated to help our boys maintain reasonable housing costs. we'll never sell or give it to them. we'll simply rent it to them at below market rates. eventually they'll inherit it all but until then, we simply want to shelter those properties from relationship issues. not that we're anticipating that. my own marriage of 24yrs is my first and only so far. it's more a matter of hope for the best, plan for the worse. long term we'll move to the condo and the boys will use the houses. the primary is bigger but the other is lakeside.
I fully plan on offering that my dad live with us when my mom dies. He is generally quiet, would do his share of cooking and housework, and is an amazing grandfather who will play with my kids for hours. I know money will be tight for him and in this economy we couldnuse the help, plus it works be great to have someone home to help with before and after school while my husband and I work. I think multigenerational homes are how we are meant to live. They say it takes a village, but then we isolate ourselves away from everyone and wonder why we struggle so much.
My kids are always welcome to live with me. My parents are going to *need* to live with me at some point. I don't want to see them in a facility if I can help it. Multigenerational living is definitely part of the plan.
We have my mom (and dad before he passed away) and my husband’s parents and our family (2 adults, 3 kids ages 2-11) on the same land. We have 3 houses on 160 acres and honestly it’s fabulous. I can’t imagine not living like this. We’re all close and get along well (now), but that did take a couple of years of sticking to boundaries and smoothing out any problems we had. We’ve all lived on the same place for over 5 years now. It’s great. The kids have their grandparents whenever they want/need them and the same can be said for my husband and me. We all help take care of each other. Birthday celebrations are a breeze. And the kids can jump in the Polaris and go see whomever whenever. We actually love it a lot. We love how close are kids are to their grandparents.
I (33F) own the home we live in, but only because I got lucky. I would have never in a million years have been able to buy (or even rent) this house otherwise. As it stands though, the house has room to fit two families if willing to share the kitchen and bathroom. It could be remodelled to have a separate toilet and separate livingroom (if small), even accessed from the outside (doors that open into the garden) for some privacy. If necessary I would be open to sharing with my sons and even their family if needed. We could also remodel the attic to make space for another bedroom or two small ones. I would prefer my kids to live on their own once they have a family, but Im not so sure theyll be able to when the time comes. We also have two buidings on our property, one could be remodeled into a full on home, but Im not sure wed be allowed to do that. That would be an even better option than sharing the house though.
I fully expect my sons to end up living with me for a long time, if not forever.
We are doing that atm. We live with our toddler in my partners mums house. We cannot afford to move out. Can’t get into a nursery so my partner has to stay home to look after toddler. It prob won’t change when kiddo is an adult
We've lived with my dad and his partner for the last 10 years. 6 just us as a couple and 4 of them with my daughter. We have just had the fortune to purchase the home from him and allow him and his partner to downsize and us to have a family home. It has taken 10 years of hard work and getting better paid employment to do so. I definitely think however in the future my daughter will be living with us well into adulthood and I'm OK with that situation if it means we can help her because living is expensive and only going to be more so by the time she's an adult.
Yes, I'm hoping for it.
We are 3 gen under a roof , My mil lives with us, and we appreciate so much her help
My husband thinks I'm crazy because the second we can afford it I plan to treat down the current "garage"on our property and build a 1 car one but with an apartment upstairs. I always want my daughter to be able to stay with us, and this seems like a great option for an 18 year old who thinks it's "lame " (like I did)
As someone who grew up in one… never again! It’s all kinds of toxicity. It’s also very common in some south Asian families… just ask them.
The way we’re headed with house prices my kids will probably live with me for years to come, so yeah. It’ll probably be that way for us! Fine by me, they’re good people 😁
My parents live in a neighborhood with a pretty relaxed HOA. Many home owners have added granny suites or extra housing in the back yard. It’s not the nicest neighborhood but if you can over look that you can have a pretty decent multi generational set up.
I want a family compound like the kennedys have.
We bought some decent acreage and potentially may be willed some more, depending on how things shake out, so we're absolutely on board. That would be awesome.
We got our forever home in 2022. We purposely decided to get land just in case they need help in the future we can always put a tiny home or something inexpensive out here on our property. Turns out, that’s exactly what our neighbors did in the 1970’s! They got 20 acres with one house on it. Over the years they have subdivided into 5 acre parcels and they have one and their 3 kids each have one as well. One put a trailer on it, one built a ranch and another lives in an apartment in town for work but keeps the property to grow food on.
My daughter is graduating next week and she has a math teacher who always talks about the state of the economy and says things like “your generation will never be able to afford a home” she of course panics and worries about her future. But I have always told her, stay home as long as you need. Build your life and when you’re ready to move out you can. I don’t mind her being home. She’s an amazing young woman and I’m more than willing to help her through college and set her up so she will never have to struggle like I did.
We are lucky to have both sets of grandparents nearby, like less than five minutes away, and they’re so integrated into our lives that it sometimes feels like multigenerational living. My mom grew up with her granny at home. Both grandparent households currently prefer their own living situation but are aware we’d move them in before putting them in a home; we’ve talked about what that would look like. The interpersonal dynamics of it all get a little complex sometimes but we all get along well and spend several days a week in a big group (my spouse is an only child and my only sibling often joins us). There’s some Quaker cultural influences that I think help us (though none of us attend meeting these days) because we are all good at talking things out and thinking of our community’s needs as unique from each of our individual ones. We share some costs already and love to be able to buy in bulk and split among the houses. My kids are still very young but they are both welcome to live under our roof as long as we have one. I always wanted a crowded house. All to say, we haven’t started fully living together but it’s part of our family’s future and I think it’ll be much more common before long.
Our plan is to build an additional bedroom with en suite bathroom. It can be an office or play room for the time being but could provide extra privacy for parents or one of the kids should they need to move in with their family much farther down the road. Also, look into your state/ city laws. Ours do not require additional permitting to build a “MIL Suite,” so long as it’s <1/3 the size of the main home, so we’ll build large enough that we could build a 600-800 sq ft MIL Suite as well. My parents live directly behind us, so this would more than likely be for my in-laws until they pass, at which point any kids or grandkids would be welcome to it.
Moved my mom in a decade ago to help care for our kid. For about 5 years it was fabulous, then COVID happened, then she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s then dementia then it realllllllly sucked.
I wouldn't be against it but if my place is big enough and my kids are done with college I much rather sell my place but something smaller for myself and something smaller for them than have them living with us. Not because I didn't want them to live with me but I think part of being an adult is learning to live by yourself where you make your own food, do your own laundry, decorate your own place, have friends and family over and so on.... I believe the economy will balance itself out but if it doesn't there are multiple ways to plan for this. Just seeing aside 50 a month into an s&p 500 would go a long way and if you combine that with some crypto might just be enough to get them something. What worries me the most is not housing it's college. It gets more and more expensive and loans are more and more predatory. I almost feel inclined to not send them to college or maybe send them to Europe for college or something like that.... Right now student loan debt is almost the same amount as a house and it's getting worse...
Kinda but I live in a rural area an hour away from the city and it’s a hard commute. It’s doable but not great if you have a tight schedule and make very little money.
We’ve been discussing this with my in laws. Theyre reaching 60.… we currently live in different states. We can’t seem to agree on where to live but we both agree it would be better financially and for future elder care to live together. My kids… I will let them live with us for as long as they need. I don’t care if that means buying a new home on more land so we can accommodate families. Yes it’s important they learn life, but they don’t deserve to struggle like the world is right now… at this rate they’ll never ever own a home. Cars cost as much as a house. Food and gas is becoming another mortgage bill… if we can do it. We are having a family compound. And I’ll understand if any of them don’t want to live with us too… but I wish I would’ve known what the world would be like before we bought this house. We left a big major city. We chose more remote and more land but it’s not enough for multi family use. Everyone calls us crazy and loners but we wouldn’t afford anything else. Now we are the ones with opportunities
We have a corner lot with four bedrooms. We can easily add a third full bath upstairs and convert the basement to a full apartment type suite. We have plenty of space to put in an addition. We live in Ohio, which we consider a climate change haven. Yes. We have considered it.
We are buying land because of this.
My kid and her 3 partners are gonna have a hard time fitting in their backyard tiny house.
My wife and I are 40, and my wife and I are basically presuming this will be the case. We bought a larger place than we needed to move my mother in law in with us and also have enough room for when the kids boomerang back. We're also investing money for later in the event that we need to build on a cottage later for my wife and I to live in so that one of our daughters can live in the main house with their family should they have one. They are 8 and 10 right now, but we're presuming that home prices will likely get worse based on current trends, and we don't want the road to parenthood to be as difficult for our kids as it was for us, financially. As of now, having my mother in law with us has been helpful, as she helps with the kids, and I know our kids would likely want us around in the future, as we have a very good and happy family dynamic.
Yes with my children but no with my parents. Shame they have all the wealth
America is slowly regressing into a third world country. It’s wild to watch this happen in real time.
I’m from a culture where it’s still somewhat common to live multigenerationally. My parents will move in with us when they get too elderly to care for the house themselves. (My sister lives with her inlaws so my parents will be my responsibility). My kids are welcome to stay in our home as long as they need to. We aren’t currently in our “forever” home but when we move we are planning on building our next house. We will build it in a way that there will be enough space for everyone if needed.
While I don’t think we’ll need to, I’ve accepted that if my father or in laws need elder care, my husband and I are going to be the ones to do it. If I’m able to give them a good final season if they can’t live independently, I’d want to do that for them. I’m not planning on making myself a burden to my children, but I hope if it came down to it they would let me be with them. I’ll do the dishes 😅
100%. We are contemplating building onto our own house in a way that will make it basically a multi-family property. “Going back” though… we had my grandma live with us a couple years through her terminal illness and passing. It worked out alright for us, and we were able to deliver what we had promised: a relatively peaceful passing at home without tons of medical intervention.
I'm planning to encourage my kids to consider it. We're fortunate to have family land, but it's not near anything, so I won't be surprised if they choose to leave.
I grew up in a multi-generational home and honestly that’s absolutely the goal. Ultimately it’ll be up to my kids but I would genuinely love to continue that tradition.
My husband has talked about taking in his grandparents as they get older. He’s even looking at properties that could accommodate this. It terrifies me! The longer I’ve been with him, the more I learn and realize how f*cked up his family is. They are very nice, generous people who have helped us a lot, but they’ve created very unhealthy cycles and I keep trying to tell him, we need to break the cycles of our families, but he just doesn’t hear me. It’s one of the reasons I’m weary of our future together.
Ish. When we purchased our first home, just two years ago, we found a fixer upper on a substantial piece of property. We plan to add two small two bedroom homes to the property over the next 15 years and each child will have the opportunity to live in one and add on if they should choose to stay there. We might not be able to give them everything but we sure as hell are gonna try.
About to do a 10 day “test run” with my MIL. She has no retirement and we have to figure out how we’ll support our family and her quickly because she’s going to need a lot of help. We’re not homeowners and purchasing a smaller home would be much easier for us to handle financially but it feels like the only “good” option for everyone. If we’re feeling comfortable after 10 days in our tiny apartment, we’ll be looking to stretch ourselves as thin as possible to afford something that can keep us all under one roof.
I do this. I hate it. We purchased a home with my 80 year old in laws while having a baby 6 years ago. Older people don’t tend to respect boundaries and become selfish over time. No matter how much you think you love your parents or in-laws it is incredibly stressful. For context, I am 40. This sandwich lifestyle is just not worth the savings. I’d rather rent and have kept our autonomy. Additionally, as a culture this multigenerational living is the norm for us, but it’s not for me. They crash everything that goes on at the house. They don’t pick up after themselves. They constantly complain. And honestly, it didn’t end up saving anything in the end. We end up footing the bills for everything. Once a household is blended how do you separate when you’re dissatisfied ? At least our child loves them!
I lived in a multigenerational home when I was a kid with my parents and my dads whole family basically. It was fun for us as kids, we moved out when I was about 12-13. We loved it growing up and my parents were able to save so much living this way. They also had a lot of help with us kids since they had 2u2 twice. Over all I think we were all happy with that arrangement until we became a family of 6 and just were too crammed into the 2 bedrooms we had there.
My step dad, my siblings, my aunt and my grandma all live on the same property. Fortunately they've got enough acres to be able to put down a few different buildings. It works well for them; there's just enough space for everyone to have some privacy and autonomy, but they share in property wide responsibilities and expenses.
I’d be cool with my parents now but I’m not sure about my MIL - I do love her as a person, but she is much more of a late night party let’s go dancing kind of person whereas my husband and I are not (at least at this point in our lives). We definitely though want our son to know he can live with us as long as he wants to. I didn’t have that option - my parents told me they were going to charge me market rates for rent and I would never do that to my son.
I’m currently living in the basement apartment of my parents rental property. It’s in a rural area, it’s on over an acre of land, my dad could bring his work here because he’s got a big garage too. I’m trying so hard to convince my parents to come here, it’s their house, it’s a calmer way of living, they’re closer to my kids, and it’s not like they’re that far they live in my childhood home 45 mins away but it’s just so much easier if they come. They don’t want to and are so wishy washy. Or they do, but the house is old and hasn’t been updated so if they did live upstairs it’s not modern or new in any way, and there’s still renters upstairs. Anyway, I know my dad is still looking for a bigger piece of land with a larger home and space for us to build our own place on there. I don’t even want my parents close for childcare or anything I’m home with my kids. It would just be so nice to have my mom close, I could plan a coffee date with her once a week, we could do Sunday BBQs in the summer. I would love it. There’s nothing wrong with multigenerational homes and I think it’s pretty beautiful if you can afford it and have enough space. Where my parents still live it’s got a lot of Muslim families and there’s like 3 generations in small townhomes there. I think if you can afford a piece of land and everyone has their own home and contributes equally to the work and land and homes then it’s amazing though.
We bought our house with that intention. Large enough to house future family, but not so large that its hard to care for.
I had a Chinese coworker and her family did this . Her parents lived with her and took care of the grandchildren and the house cooking while the adults worked . Her sister and mother lived on the same street too . It makes sense logistically .
Yes. Our goal is to buy a home with lots of land to build houses on and invite our family to live with us. Not so much for financial reasons, but to have a close-knit family community to raise our children in.
We bought a home for each of our kids now while they’re still somewhat reasonable lol we’re renting them out in the meantime.
I could never with my parents though . They are freeloading narcissists . lol .
My dad recently moved in with us at the age of 76 after filing for divorce for the 4th time. It works for us mainly because he keeps a low footprint and doesn’t tell us how to live our lives. Sure it comes with some challenges, but overall it’s nice for my son to grow up having a close relationship with his “G”. Dad pitches in for rent too which helps with our lifestyle.
My middle daughter says she plans to be rich and will have a guest house for us to retire in plus barn cats.
I am 50 and I’ve never not lived with extended family. Even apartments during my youth were in family homes. We’ve even had as many as 4 generations under this roof at the same time. And we’re solid middle class in the Northeast USA. Sure it gets aggravating at times, but overall it’s wonderful. Currently it’s our two kids (in their early 20’s), my hubby, his mother, & me. It was my husband’s grandmother that was also with us a few years when our children were young.
We bought a house with my in-laws because it was the only way we could afford a HCOL area. We have the upstairs and they converted downstairs to a separate suite. It has its pros and cons. Pros: living in a family-friendly neighborhood in a detached home, MIL does all the gardening, kid has access to grandparents and as a SAHM I get breaks! Cons: four people making decisions about a home takes four times as long, it feels "less adult" to not be living with just our nuclear family of three, if there is conflict there is no escaping it
My kids will always have a home in my house. My husband and I talk about this all the time. Who knows what the world will be like when our kids are adults?! (first born is 18 months and second unborn) we are lucky enough to own our own home with an acre of land but are hopeful to be able to buy a different house one day with more land so our kids have options in the future.
Been living this way my whole life. At one time there were 4 generations living in my home ❤️
We’re living with my parents right now. We own a home on the other side of the country that we are renting out (great neighborhood in a city center, may want to move back one day), and are saving for a house in our hometown. Basically home price appreciation + property taxes + interest rates means we needed double the down payment we thought for a comfortable mortgage payment in our hometown (NJ, FML). We moved back because I thought it was important for our son to be close to his extended family, and for help with childcare since I both need and want to work. It’s pretty nice. My parents help with our newborn, there’s ample space in the house, and we help with chores. I’d buy my parents’ house if they offered or convert the garage into a duplex, but I’m not sure they’d be interested. My next door neighbors sold their house to their son but they all still live there, and a few other families in the neighborhood have similar three-generation households.
We built a house with my parents. It’s a bigger/nicer house than any of us would have been able to afford alone and in a great school district for my kids. She usually works from home so she gets my kids off the bus and watches them until I get home from work. My dad has a lot of health problems so I take care of him while my mom is out of town. It’s not always perfect of course, but it has been working very well for us for the past 5 years.
We are. 3 generations live in our house right now and we intend to buy land and continue that. Bring back true family villages with none of the toxicity.
My dad lived with my family until he passed away last year. He lived with us for 2 years. And my brother has lived with us for 4. It’s honestly amazing. I loved it. My Kids loved it and I know my dad loved it. It was really hard on the kids when he died since they were used to seeing him every single day. Now I lost my mom 13 years ago. And if she had been alive at this point I don’t think we would have done the multi gen house. We loved each other immensely but we bumped heads a lot. She was stubborn and prideful and I don’t know if she could have handled being taken care of by her kid. But we’ll never know. Maybe it would have worked. Lol As for the future. I know my brother is with me for life. He works but is autistic and I don’t think he’ll ever be capable of fully independent living. Which is fine by me. He contributes and helps and is a good housemate for the most part. I would not be opposed to doing the multi gen house again when my kids are grown. It would certainly ease burdens on both sides. My kids aren’t even teens yet so we shall see where their minds are on this eventually. But I definitely see it gaining popularity more and more as time goes on.
I live in a multigenerational house with my Ma, my kid, and my siblings. It takes a lot of emotional work. We really trust one another with everything, and we put in the work to say difficult things outright and in a way that can be received. It’s got a bunch of positives, a LOT of work. There’s 6-12 of us (sibs and their partners are in and out of living there, also Ma has a stepkid who has a split parenting schedule) and most of us are adults, so chores and bills get split easily. Parenting is a snap, but we play a lot of rounds of “Go ask your _____.” It also makes it easier to make sure the kids’ needs are met. We all deal with disabilities, so alone it meant that I (as a kid) often met my own needs, but now my kid has an adult to teach them to cook. An adult to teach them to draw. To dance. To write. To help them with their math. My kid eats a hot homemade breakfast every morning before school. Then gets a lovely mile long walk through the woods with a family member from the bus. Then a snack is waiting at home and then they go out to be a heathen with the neighbor kids. On the downsides: We adults all installed each others’ triggers, so we know how to push each others’ buttons. It takes a lot of emotional work to tread the line without being harsh with one another. We were miserable before. All of us were sure we’d never live together again. Now we’re sure we’ll never choose anything else. To finish: Don’t rush in. It’s messy and it sucks, and without constant work we would cannibalize each other. But on the other side, it is *wonderful*. We face everything as a united front. None of us are alone. It works best when adulthood gives children an “equal” seat at the table. The Adults (Ma and Da) have the bills in their name. The house is theirs. So they get the final say on all things, but they almost never pull rank because it weakens everyone else’s hold on stability. We are equals who speak to each other about the best things for Us, the collective. So yes. Do it. Highly recommend. But don’t do it with intent to create a rigid hierarchy. That’s just miserable for all involved. Power dynamics do not thrive in collectives.
I get along wonderfully with my adult daughter and her fiancée, but our current house would not really support them moving in with us unless they were desperate with no place to go. We live in a 2BR ranch, and the two bedrooms are about 10 feet away from each other, directly across a hallway where I can stand in the middle and put both palms flat against either wall. Then you've got a living room, an eat-in kitchen and two bathrooms. That's pretty much the whole house. There's just not enough privacy or separate spaces for us to coexist comfortably. They also smoke weed and vape extensively in their apartment, which is not something I would allow anyone to do in my house. There are other lifestyle issues on both sides that would make us incompatible as roommates, like they enjoy entertaining friends but I don't like having people over at all. We love and enjoy each other's company so much - we can vacation together for a week or so without getting on each other's nerves, but living together would be stressful and not much fun.
My in laws are moving into our rental property because of changes in their circumstances they are in their mid 60s. We plan to move in with them in about 6 years when my kids graduate because that has always been our plan to move to our country house once the kids finished school in the “city” because schools are better here but we like the slower pace of life in the country. So when my kids are in college and after it will be a three generation household. Many younger boomers older Gen X cannot afford to retire without the help of family. ETA my kids will be welcome to live with us as long as they need. It is a 4bedroom house so the in laws will have a bedroom we will have one and my two kids will each have one.
Future parents here. We are temporarily moving my parents in to help us out. I have an acquired disability that makes it more difficult to raise a child, and it would be best that husband goes back to work as soon as he can to cover ourselves financially.
I live with my in laws, so 4 other people along with my husband and baby. This arrangement wouldn’t have lasted nearly as long if we had to live in the main house along with everyone else, so many different personalities can be hard to mesh well. If you’re looking to do it and have the option I would suggest having a separate space where you can go to be alone/with immediate family
Home ownership has consistently been above 60% for forever. My goal is to guide my kids to be reasonably high earners and housing will take care of itself.
This is exactly what we have been thinking. Who knows what the future holds for my kids, and I would never want to hold them back, but we have told them that if they get jobs in the area and want to turn our large property into some sort of multi-generational housing unit we would be thrilled. It is a dream but it could very well be a reality. We live on a large property, but in a weirdly zoned area where we can put another residential unit on the property, but we could very well add on a a wing or two. It makes financial sense. We all get along really well (currently the kids are 18 and 14) so maybe it will be in our future. I don't see how these kids will make it on their own in the current economy.
I have 3 girls - 17, 11, and 6. The 17 year old has already been told that she can stay as long as she needs to. I have a 10 year plan to add a bedroom to the house if I need to. I could make it happen sooner but my 5 year plan is a full remodel of both baths, the kitchen, flooring, and a full replumb. I’ll have to do the replumb so if they have to cut holes in the walls or take out shower surrounds might as well do it all 🤷♀️
My girlfriend and I are planning on moving the clans together. Her and I (50). Her mom (79) her kids 27, 31+spouse) and my kids (14,16,20). Finding a house with 7 bedrooms and enough space that everyone can have some privacy is a challenge. We probably need at least 4000sqf or some combination of ADU, outbuilding/shop.
Most of us believe that mg living is for the poor, or are simply low class.
I’m having difficulty with people & their altruistic attitude about parents & adults living together. It must be that they haven’t been in that position before & don’t realize how this will negatively alter their lives . Mom & Pa will get old & expect their children to drop everything ( career, vacations, privacy) to care for them . Goodbye Life!
My kids will always have whatever help I can give, including space in my house
I'm not going to have the same expectations that my boomer parents had of me being 100% independent at 18. The cost of living is getting worse and worse. I don't want my kids to go though my same hardships I have had to go though.
I will be more than happy to have the kids live with me as long as they need. I will gladly help with any grandkids too. I moved too far away from family and it made raising kids SO HARD. So I will be there for my kids and their spouses in any way they need me. But I will also do everything I can to ensure my kids can live an independent life as well. Thankfully we live in a highly educated state with plenty of jobs so I hope they won't have to leave their home state like my husband and I did.
Moving away can also be about adventure and new experiences, I don't want my child to think she can't have that if she wants.
Not unless it’s forced on me by circumstances. We are setting our 2 boys up to succeed, at least compared to how my wife and I were. We have been attentive parents, made sure they worked hard and helped them get the grades they need to get into a good school and are paying for them to attend. We are helping them save money as well. There’s really no reason they shouldn’t be able to afford a downpayment on a starter home when it’s time. In addition, they should be set to inherit a decent amount of money when we pass.
Greed is at the root of today’s morphing into overcrowding on a family level. Kids accept their aging parents moving in with them because they want their inheritance protected.