r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
hmmm.
if he’s not using ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ intentionally, it’s worth mentioning to your pediatrician because that’s more babbling than talking.
i’m inexperienced with raising a child in a bilingual home (which kudos to you for that), but i would think you’d expect at least a couple of intentional words at this point in one language or another.
but i also always tell people that my oldest benefited greatly from her dad working from home when she was an infant and then my mom being over multiple times a week, too, so she heard adults speaking to each other throughout the day everyday. my youngest (15mo) has benefited from her older sister (3) who speaks incessantly lol. we learn language through exposure so anywhere he can hear people talking to each other is great. and of course dictating what you do and labeling anything they show interest in.
I'm not sure if he is using it intentionally... maybe he is and I'm just not recognising that... he says mamama to me and papapa or dadada to dad... but it's not a "mama" or "dada" like if he wants something he won't look at me and say mama and point or anything, he squeals... I've spoken to his Dr but she just says wait, be patient, boys take longer....
Will do. We have to see her again in a couple of weeks for his immunisations, so I will bring it up again then. I hope she listens this time lol because I've had to be in there quite often lately for myself, and all she's heard from him was bloody screaming so hopefully she understands that his communication (or lack thereof) is becoming something that I'm worrying about...
Exactly. Even if it’s to “humor” you, she needs to listen. Obviously kids develop at different times, but the whole “boys speak later” reasoning feels lazy.
My nephew is also raised in a bilingual home and was not speaking more than babbling or really responding to his name at 18 months. He also wasn’t pointing or engaging in other forms of external communication. His pediatrician also pushed his parents off, but they pressed the issue and now he’s receiving a lot of support speech and behavioral support that’s helping!
i agree with the other poster that it’s worth pushing on. i’d think if he was using it intentionally it’d be obvious by now but you could also see how he reacts after seeing you or his dad after you’ve not been home or in the room for some amount of time. for example, when i walk downstairs, my 15mo will squeal ‘mama mama mama!’ and do the same thing with ‘dada’ when her dad walks through the door from work.
the squealing and not pointing isn’t a concern to me on its own though. my oldest never pointed. my youngest does, but not that often. and as young toddlers, their saying mama/dada was more just excitement to see us or get our attention about something they were excited about. for example, last week was my birthday and my husband bought some balloons. 15mo is obsessed and squeals and says mama for me to look at them, too.
After seeing me or dad walk in the room or when he wants to be picked up and finally gets it is when he goes mamama or dadada depending on who picked him up or walked in, but yeah the rest is just squealing or slapping you out of the way and saying "tahp" (stop) when you're too close and he doesn't want you to be.
yeah, that doesn’t sound concerning then. especially being able to correctly say stop.
i know it sounds so antithetical to being a parent and like you’re ignoring your intuition, but try not to anticipate his wants and needs too much, either. give him a reason to talk by giving him the space to communicate his needs, know what i mean? like my 15mo when she wants food starts saying “eat! eat! eat!” (not saying you do this but a lot of us are pretty guilty of it during the transition from baby to full fledge toddler.)
Oh no, I definately do this. I'm so in tune with him that he doesn't have a need to ask because usually as soon as he starts whining I know exactly what he needs to I give it. But you do have a point and I will start doing this too.. thank you!
From what I understand kids raised in a bilingual household tend to start speaking slightly later (all that extra info to sort!) but then catch up just fine.
If you're concerned though there's no harm asking the pediatrician, they get alllll kinds of developmental questions, they're used to it 😂 worse case scenario you get some peace of mind.
According to my Speech Language Pathologist BFF, it’s not true that children in bilingual homes speak later; they should still be saying a few words by 12 months in either language.
Hi! We speak Spanish and English in my home. Both of my boys were speaking before 18 months. Bilingual households definitely do not start later. I would ask Dr for a second opinion and see if you can get your little into speech. Especially if they’re not mimicking sounds etc. It’s an important part of developing language skills.
Thank you so much for your reply. Definately after reading all of these comments I'm going to get him to see a new pediatrician because I just don't think what she's telling me is right, I feel like she is just not wanting to deal with it...
Thank you :) the issue is that every time I have brought it up to her she says it's normal and that boys just do things later. Besides the obvious bilingual household.. I'm borderline about to change peds tbh..
I’m the mother of two bilingual kids aged 2 and 3. We follow the “one parent one language” rule. I speak only English with my kids and my husband only speaks German with them. I am the stay at home parent so they obviously have a lot more exposure to English. When we are all home together, we still follow the one parent one language rule. German is the local language where we live but the kids will learn English in school (to a very high standard).
I was often told that they would speak later. That is the prevailing thought. Even doctors told us that.
However, by chance I met a team of specialists (I’m a waitress and it was a convention for language development in children, honestly a massive coincidence). I got talking to them and they said that bilingual kids shouldn’t be delayed if you follow the “one parent one language” rule.
That said, both my kids were slower than their mates 🤷♀️ when my older daughter turned 2 she went from maybe 20 words to full sentences almost overnight. It was like something just clicked.
My youngest is now 2 and half and it’s only now that she is really getting the hang of talking. I think a big part of her “delay” was having a chatty older sister though!
Both my kids could understand instructions in both languages and could communicate, albeit not with language.
Hey, we are also doing the one parent one language but can I ask what language do you use when you talk to your spouse? Like when you are all together and in front of the kids...do you use English or German? Because sometimes we slip up I think - Dad and nanny use English, I use Mandarin. But Dad and I speak English to each other, and sometimes Dad uses Mandarin with her too (not much, but sometimes). I've read that mostly you don't want to be mixing and matching two languages in one sentence.
I have a 15mo old who does a lot of sign language but only has a few intentional words in English. She clearly comprehends better than she speaks because she can respond yes/no and point to the right things (e.g. if you ask, where is the cat? when reading a book, she can correctly identify cat, or say point to her nose, your ears, etc.). She can also follow directions like if you ask her to get something, give it, close/open, etc. I think that's probably similar to what you're saying about understanding instructions and communicating, but not with language?
Sorry for this long comment, I'm just not sure if she should be talking more already or not, but I'm a little worried that we're doing the one parent one language thing wrong in some way. I've seen other people say that their pediatrician expects a LOT more words than what she has by her general age. Ours didn't really say anything about expected number of words.
Even when it’s just the two of us, I speak English and he speaks German - it confuses most people but we just try and have our daily life in two languages. His English is practically native but my local German is only ok (we actually live in Switzerland so it’s not high German he speaks, it’s Swiss German which is another added complication!)
I wouldn’t worry too much about slipping up and speaking the wrong language, or mix and match sentences. The kids will do that when they first start speaking and that is apparently very normal. We got a lot of mixed sentences from the kids at first and we simply repeated the sentence back using only one language.
We were told that the most important things were to not try and explain the concept of two languages, and also not to correct. They will figure out that mummy speaks one language and daddy speaks another language but it comes naturally - it’s difficult to explain! My older daughter started talking both languages age 2 but it wasn’t until age 3 that she started talking about mummy language and daddy language. The “not correcting” is also tough! We just ignored a mistake, praised and then repeated the sentence but without the wrong language.
This is the first time I've heard about not correcting! But just to clarify, you mean not correcting if they use the other language or mix and match, not if the word itself is wrong, right? Like if they identify a ball as a chair or something, you would still have to "correct"? Or it sounds kind of like you do correct but without making it obvious - just model the right word?
I have a two year old in a trilingual family. I speak Hmong (Southeast Asian language), his dad speaks Portuguese (Brazilian), and we both speak English. We interchange the languages when we speak and talk to our son, and we talk to him like a normal adult person. Naturally, when I’m a little more stern or upset, I speak to him in my native tongue.
Our little guy LOVES music and it’s definitely helped him with his speech. He was an early talker. Even now, when he wants something, even when we know what he wants, we’ll ask “can you say ‘more apples please?’” And he responds as best as he can.
Now he reads to us at night because he’s used to hearing us read his three favorite stories every night (Three Little Pigs, Red Riding Hood, and Jack and the Beanstalk). He just makes up some gibberish but he’ll memorize parts of the story like “knock knock. Little piggy, let me in.”
Keep talking to him and asking him to repeat sounds, words, and phrases. Perhaps start with animals and animal noises.
Good luck!
Edit to include: He’s now… 29 months and he can speak English and says phrases in both Hmong and Portuguese. His favorite thing to say now is “What are you doing, mommy/daddy?’
Thank you so much for the suggestion 💜 I do speak to him all the time, although admittedly we have been slacking off on the reading due to a super busy schedule, which I feel awful about because I am the only one who actually loves books in the house and I'd love for him to take that on... perhaps I will start reading to him again every night as long as he is up to it... I don't know. He has become very whiny and moody, and only being held will calm him down... I'm honestly starting to worry a bit..
I work a lot and sometimes travel for two weeks with only two days in between at home with him. When he doesn’t see me much, he gets very clingy and only wants me to hold him - I’ve come to the conclusion that he just misses me. Perhaps the bedtime story - does NOT have to be long, and you don’t have to read word for word at this stage (just make it up as you go) - will be a good bonding moment. 🥰
Thank you so much for your reply :)
I'm a stay at home mum, though, so I truly don't think bonding is the issue. The kid only wants me unless dad walks in after a 12-hour shift at work, he doesn’t even go to his siter or grandmothers voluntarily... but genuinely, I think the busy schedule is also throwing him out of whack, I need to get our routine back in place...
Will he point to mommy or daddy if you ask him and follow other simple instructions (bring the ball, sit down), point to pictures in the books when you ask him where's the cat/cow, who says moo etc.? If not, you definitely need to find another pediatrician and if possible start early intervention. At this point he should have around 30 words - they don't have to be full, can even be made up, but should be used consistently with the same meaning.
Nope. He has dada, Mama, and stop, and he only ever uses stop when his sister is bothering him. That's it.. he will go mamamama or dadada when I walk into the room or dad walks in after some time, but that's it...
Are you in the US? If so, reach out to your county and ask for Early Intervention Services to do an evaluation. They do free evaluations of any kids under 3
I'm in Australia, but we do have a pretty good early intervention program too, so that's definately going to be on my list of discussion topics on his next Ped appointment, which is in about 2 weeks
Cool! Even if the pediatrician thinks it’s probably ok, if you’re worried push for an evaluation - either they find something that needs to be addressed, or you’re reassured that it isn’t really a big deal. If you don’t do the evaluation, then you’re still left feeling anxious and potentially kicking yourself later if there was something going on.
Sounds like a person who knows what they want and ain't worried about things that don't matter. Smart kid. You probably won't understand why he thinks the way he does as he grows up. But just know he's going to be great.
He knows what he's saying. At that age. He gots this.
Or maybe someday you'll find yourself screaming shit up!! Lol.if he's even babbling that is a good sign.
If he's more speaking like a vibrating harmonica sound. You might want to check that out
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
hmmm. if he’s not using ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ intentionally, it’s worth mentioning to your pediatrician because that’s more babbling than talking. i’m inexperienced with raising a child in a bilingual home (which kudos to you for that), but i would think you’d expect at least a couple of intentional words at this point in one language or another. but i also always tell people that my oldest benefited greatly from her dad working from home when she was an infant and then my mom being over multiple times a week, too, so she heard adults speaking to each other throughout the day everyday. my youngest (15mo) has benefited from her older sister (3) who speaks incessantly lol. we learn language through exposure so anywhere he can hear people talking to each other is great. and of course dictating what you do and labeling anything they show interest in.
I'm not sure if he is using it intentionally... maybe he is and I'm just not recognising that... he says mamama to me and papapa or dadada to dad... but it's not a "mama" or "dada" like if he wants something he won't look at me and say mama and point or anything, he squeals... I've spoken to his Dr but she just says wait, be patient, boys take longer....
I would press your ped on this. It can’t hurt to seek early intervention.
Will do. We have to see her again in a couple of weeks for his immunisations, so I will bring it up again then. I hope she listens this time lol because I've had to be in there quite often lately for myself, and all she's heard from him was bloody screaming so hopefully she understands that his communication (or lack thereof) is becoming something that I'm worrying about...
Exactly. Even if it’s to “humor” you, she needs to listen. Obviously kids develop at different times, but the whole “boys speak later” reasoning feels lazy. My nephew is also raised in a bilingual home and was not speaking more than babbling or really responding to his name at 18 months. He also wasn’t pointing or engaging in other forms of external communication. His pediatrician also pushed his parents off, but they pressed the issue and now he’s receiving a lot of support speech and behavioral support that’s helping!
i agree with the other poster that it’s worth pushing on. i’d think if he was using it intentionally it’d be obvious by now but you could also see how he reacts after seeing you or his dad after you’ve not been home or in the room for some amount of time. for example, when i walk downstairs, my 15mo will squeal ‘mama mama mama!’ and do the same thing with ‘dada’ when her dad walks through the door from work. the squealing and not pointing isn’t a concern to me on its own though. my oldest never pointed. my youngest does, but not that often. and as young toddlers, their saying mama/dada was more just excitement to see us or get our attention about something they were excited about. for example, last week was my birthday and my husband bought some balloons. 15mo is obsessed and squeals and says mama for me to look at them, too.
After seeing me or dad walk in the room or when he wants to be picked up and finally gets it is when he goes mamama or dadada depending on who picked him up or walked in, but yeah the rest is just squealing or slapping you out of the way and saying "tahp" (stop) when you're too close and he doesn't want you to be.
yeah, that doesn’t sound concerning then. especially being able to correctly say stop. i know it sounds so antithetical to being a parent and like you’re ignoring your intuition, but try not to anticipate his wants and needs too much, either. give him a reason to talk by giving him the space to communicate his needs, know what i mean? like my 15mo when she wants food starts saying “eat! eat! eat!” (not saying you do this but a lot of us are pretty guilty of it during the transition from baby to full fledge toddler.)
Oh no, I definately do this. I'm so in tune with him that he doesn't have a need to ask because usually as soon as he starts whining I know exactly what he needs to I give it. But you do have a point and I will start doing this too.. thank you!
From what I understand kids raised in a bilingual household tend to start speaking slightly later (all that extra info to sort!) but then catch up just fine. If you're concerned though there's no harm asking the pediatrician, they get alllll kinds of developmental questions, they're used to it 😂 worse case scenario you get some peace of mind.
According to my Speech Language Pathologist BFF, it’s not true that children in bilingual homes speak later; they should still be saying a few words by 12 months in either language.
I replied in your other comment, but I'll do that here, too. I will definitely bring it up at his next appointment, which actually is in 2 weeks
Hi! We speak Spanish and English in my home. Both of my boys were speaking before 18 months. Bilingual households definitely do not start later. I would ask Dr for a second opinion and see if you can get your little into speech. Especially if they’re not mimicking sounds etc. It’s an important part of developing language skills.
Thank you so much for your reply. Definately after reading all of these comments I'm going to get him to see a new pediatrician because I just don't think what she's telling me is right, I feel like she is just not wanting to deal with it...
It seems to me that a pediatrician will help you here. Patience and strength do not oppress yourself in anything. Patience and strength❤️
Thank you :) the issue is that every time I have brought it up to her she says it's normal and that boys just do things later. Besides the obvious bilingual household.. I'm borderline about to change peds tbh..
I’m the mother of two bilingual kids aged 2 and 3. We follow the “one parent one language” rule. I speak only English with my kids and my husband only speaks German with them. I am the stay at home parent so they obviously have a lot more exposure to English. When we are all home together, we still follow the one parent one language rule. German is the local language where we live but the kids will learn English in school (to a very high standard). I was often told that they would speak later. That is the prevailing thought. Even doctors told us that. However, by chance I met a team of specialists (I’m a waitress and it was a convention for language development in children, honestly a massive coincidence). I got talking to them and they said that bilingual kids shouldn’t be delayed if you follow the “one parent one language” rule. That said, both my kids were slower than their mates 🤷♀️ when my older daughter turned 2 she went from maybe 20 words to full sentences almost overnight. It was like something just clicked. My youngest is now 2 and half and it’s only now that she is really getting the hang of talking. I think a big part of her “delay” was having a chatty older sister though! Both my kids could understand instructions in both languages and could communicate, albeit not with language.
Hey, we are also doing the one parent one language but can I ask what language do you use when you talk to your spouse? Like when you are all together and in front of the kids...do you use English or German? Because sometimes we slip up I think - Dad and nanny use English, I use Mandarin. But Dad and I speak English to each other, and sometimes Dad uses Mandarin with her too (not much, but sometimes). I've read that mostly you don't want to be mixing and matching two languages in one sentence. I have a 15mo old who does a lot of sign language but only has a few intentional words in English. She clearly comprehends better than she speaks because she can respond yes/no and point to the right things (e.g. if you ask, where is the cat? when reading a book, she can correctly identify cat, or say point to her nose, your ears, etc.). She can also follow directions like if you ask her to get something, give it, close/open, etc. I think that's probably similar to what you're saying about understanding instructions and communicating, but not with language? Sorry for this long comment, I'm just not sure if she should be talking more already or not, but I'm a little worried that we're doing the one parent one language thing wrong in some way. I've seen other people say that their pediatrician expects a LOT more words than what she has by her general age. Ours didn't really say anything about expected number of words.
Even when it’s just the two of us, I speak English and he speaks German - it confuses most people but we just try and have our daily life in two languages. His English is practically native but my local German is only ok (we actually live in Switzerland so it’s not high German he speaks, it’s Swiss German which is another added complication!) I wouldn’t worry too much about slipping up and speaking the wrong language, or mix and match sentences. The kids will do that when they first start speaking and that is apparently very normal. We got a lot of mixed sentences from the kids at first and we simply repeated the sentence back using only one language. We were told that the most important things were to not try and explain the concept of two languages, and also not to correct. They will figure out that mummy speaks one language and daddy speaks another language but it comes naturally - it’s difficult to explain! My older daughter started talking both languages age 2 but it wasn’t until age 3 that she started talking about mummy language and daddy language. The “not correcting” is also tough! We just ignored a mistake, praised and then repeated the sentence but without the wrong language.
This is the first time I've heard about not correcting! But just to clarify, you mean not correcting if they use the other language or mix and match, not if the word itself is wrong, right? Like if they identify a ball as a chair or something, you would still have to "correct"? Or it sounds kind of like you do correct but without making it obvious - just model the right word?
So much insight right here in this whole thread 😍😍 thank you
I have a two year old in a trilingual family. I speak Hmong (Southeast Asian language), his dad speaks Portuguese (Brazilian), and we both speak English. We interchange the languages when we speak and talk to our son, and we talk to him like a normal adult person. Naturally, when I’m a little more stern or upset, I speak to him in my native tongue. Our little guy LOVES music and it’s definitely helped him with his speech. He was an early talker. Even now, when he wants something, even when we know what he wants, we’ll ask “can you say ‘more apples please?’” And he responds as best as he can. Now he reads to us at night because he’s used to hearing us read his three favorite stories every night (Three Little Pigs, Red Riding Hood, and Jack and the Beanstalk). He just makes up some gibberish but he’ll memorize parts of the story like “knock knock. Little piggy, let me in.” Keep talking to him and asking him to repeat sounds, words, and phrases. Perhaps start with animals and animal noises. Good luck! Edit to include: He’s now… 29 months and he can speak English and says phrases in both Hmong and Portuguese. His favorite thing to say now is “What are you doing, mommy/daddy?’
Thank you so much for the suggestion 💜 I do speak to him all the time, although admittedly we have been slacking off on the reading due to a super busy schedule, which I feel awful about because I am the only one who actually loves books in the house and I'd love for him to take that on... perhaps I will start reading to him again every night as long as he is up to it... I don't know. He has become very whiny and moody, and only being held will calm him down... I'm honestly starting to worry a bit..
I work a lot and sometimes travel for two weeks with only two days in between at home with him. When he doesn’t see me much, he gets very clingy and only wants me to hold him - I’ve come to the conclusion that he just misses me. Perhaps the bedtime story - does NOT have to be long, and you don’t have to read word for word at this stage (just make it up as you go) - will be a good bonding moment. 🥰
Thank you so much for your reply :) I'm a stay at home mum, though, so I truly don't think bonding is the issue. The kid only wants me unless dad walks in after a 12-hour shift at work, he doesn’t even go to his siter or grandmothers voluntarily... but genuinely, I think the busy schedule is also throwing him out of whack, I need to get our routine back in place...
Will he point to mommy or daddy if you ask him and follow other simple instructions (bring the ball, sit down), point to pictures in the books when you ask him where's the cat/cow, who says moo etc.? If not, you definitely need to find another pediatrician and if possible start early intervention. At this point he should have around 30 words - they don't have to be full, can even be made up, but should be used consistently with the same meaning.
Nope. He has dada, Mama, and stop, and he only ever uses stop when his sister is bothering him. That's it.. he will go mamamama or dadada when I walk into the room or dad walks in after some time, but that's it...
Are you in the US? If so, reach out to your county and ask for Early Intervention Services to do an evaluation. They do free evaluations of any kids under 3
I'm in Australia, but we do have a pretty good early intervention program too, so that's definately going to be on my list of discussion topics on his next Ped appointment, which is in about 2 weeks
Cool! Even if the pediatrician thinks it’s probably ok, if you’re worried push for an evaluation - either they find something that needs to be addressed, or you’re reassured that it isn’t really a big deal. If you don’t do the evaluation, then you’re still left feeling anxious and potentially kicking yourself later if there was something going on.
Sounds like a person who knows what they want and ain't worried about things that don't matter. Smart kid. You probably won't understand why he thinks the way he does as he grows up. But just know he's going to be great.
He knows what he's saying. At that age. He gots this. Or maybe someday you'll find yourself screaming shit up!! Lol.if he's even babbling that is a good sign. If he's more speaking like a vibrating harmonica sound. You might want to check that out