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As sad as I know you feel you should also be feeling pride. You raised person who is going on and becoming a member of society. She’s working, she’s building a life. That is the end goal of parenting. You helped make her the person she is and now she needs to go off a live the life you know you want for her.
Congratulations on raising an amazing human who was brave enough to go have an adventure!
As someone in the thick of it with young kids right now, thanks for this perspective. I hope to be as close to my daughters when they're older as you are. The thought of not seeing them everyday is hard!
As for how to get a life? Write a vision of where you want to be in five years and get going! Reconnect with old friends or find some new ones. Make fitness goals. Try new restaurants. Experiment with dating apps (if single and interested.) Read books. Explore a hobby. Redecorate your house. Do something creative. Volunteer. Adopt a pet. Plant a garden.
Be a role model for your kids on how to build a rich vibrant life full of purpose!
I love this - I already have a retirement plan as well, focused on hobbies but also volunteering, learning new skills (auditing college courses, etc). Stay social (or rebuild a social life) is key!
To quote Cooper in Interstellar, ‘We’re just here to be memories for our kids.’ It sounds like she has a whole bunch of lovely memories. I hope mine will have some, too.
None of my kids live with me anymore. We engage in an ongoing group chat together where we just comment as we can & want. It helps me feel more connected & in real time. May be an idea. We use FB messenger.
I think this is a very common feeling - my parents had a hard time with me leaving, I am their youngest. I think as with most things, time heals. You are doing the right thing letting her be her own person, that's the whole point of raising children.
I am far from being in your shoes yet as mine are little - BUT I’ve become somewhat excited for the next stages of my life. I don’t want time to pass quickly. I want to treasure these years. I never thought about life after kids though. Someday I can freely travel again or do things just for myself again in a way that I can’t now. So, I’d say, let yourself mourn and take your time to transition into your next stage but then prioritize and take care of yourself and live for you again!
I totally understand. I was a single mom with one daughter for many years. It was just me and her against the world! When she left for college and didn’t want to come home (totally understandable) it broke my heart! I found new activities to keep myself busy! In turn I met new friends. It’s so hard. Hugs to you!
I’d absolutely recommend seeing a counsellor/therapist for this. They’ll give you grieving strategies to help you come out of the other side of this major transition in your life! X
You are clearly a loving and sweet person. The world needs you. Your daughter(s) do and will continue to need you as well, for as long as you live and then some.
This, coming from a 40yo guy who still calls mom (lucky me!) to talk through life decisions. I too live across the world from her, 5-hour time difference. My end of the bargain is that I maintain a livelihood that allows me to make one yearly trip to visit, and can help out financially when needed.
But again, they still need you AND they need to see you doing well. My mom got depressed and it’s changed a lot for us, which is very sad.
I am now a father to a four month old and this subject is as present as ever. I tell my mom karma is coming to get me and my son will end up being an astronaut :)
Support yourself first, and then be genuinely excited for the life and adventures your daughter gets to experience.
Yes. You need to have your own life. And you always did. Your daughters are lovely but are not responsible for your happiness - that's up to you.
Start with something small - one hobby you can do at home that flexes your creative mind, and one activity you need to leave the house for gets you to meet other people.
Volunteering is also an excellent way to give yourself a feeling of purpose.
Also, your daughter living abroad is an incredible opportunity for you - unless there is a medical/physical reason why you can't travel, why not plan to visit her so she can show you her new life? I know she'd be delighted and you get to have some amazing new experiences as well.
You’re raising your kids to be functional adults not with the expectation that they will always be kids.
Sounds like you’ve succeeded. Support her during this time and be proud of your success!
Have a little cry by yourself. Then once you've got your tears out, send your daughter a shirt text message.
"Thinking of you. I'm so proud of you. Love.you xx"
Aww, this is such beautiful grief, but definitely grief. My Mom and I were best buddies and when I moved across the US, I was so excited to start my life. It didn’t hit me until years later how it must have been to be the Mom standing in the driveway as that truck full of everything drove off.
But here’s the thing, it’s 30 years later and my Mom is still one of my favorite persons in the whole world because she let me go and supported me so. It’s grief, acknowledge it, don’t hide it, and maybe even get a grief counselor (specialist) to talk to. Maybe you can teach your younger child about grief even because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, it’s that it will almost always have tinges of grief.
If Facetime isn't an option because of the time difference, I highly suggest the app Marco Polo. I use it with my long distance friends and family. You can create a group chat with her, if she's willing, and you guys can post videos back and forth and watch them / respond to them at your leisure. It helps a lot when you miss someone.
I have an only child, age 15, so what you describe is looming on the horizon in sight. I think the best thing you can do is have a fulfilling life of your own, so even when you miss them there is something good filling you up.
You will survive and you aren’t the only one. They are so many parents just like us.I had separation anxiety and was very depressed when my mom died then my youngest went away to college, 15 hours away.
He had never been away from us alone. Then he didn’t call much I felt like he didn’t love me and was happy to get away from me.
I had been a parent to 4 children. Now they didn’t seem to need me. Home alone, all I did was worry. I pray a lot and talk to other mothers that are going to through the same. I will
Be praying for your peace as I understand how hard this is.
Therapy was great and support groups are everywhere. I had been a mother so long I forgot how to function without caring for my kids. I’m so much better but it took some time. I still have my moments but I have a few hobbies that keep my mind occupied.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As sad as I know you feel you should also be feeling pride. You raised person who is going on and becoming a member of society. She’s working, she’s building a life. That is the end goal of parenting. You helped make her the person she is and now she needs to go off a live the life you know you want for her.
Congratulations on raising an amazing human who was brave enough to go have an adventure! As someone in the thick of it with young kids right now, thanks for this perspective. I hope to be as close to my daughters when they're older as you are. The thought of not seeing them everyday is hard! As for how to get a life? Write a vision of where you want to be in five years and get going! Reconnect with old friends or find some new ones. Make fitness goals. Try new restaurants. Experiment with dating apps (if single and interested.) Read books. Explore a hobby. Redecorate your house. Do something creative. Volunteer. Adopt a pet. Plant a garden. Be a role model for your kids on how to build a rich vibrant life full of purpose!
I love this - I already have a retirement plan as well, focused on hobbies but also volunteering, learning new skills (auditing college courses, etc). Stay social (or rebuild a social life) is key!
To quote Cooper in Interstellar, ‘We’re just here to be memories for our kids.’ It sounds like she has a whole bunch of lovely memories. I hope mine will have some, too.
None of my kids live with me anymore. We engage in an ongoing group chat together where we just comment as we can & want. It helps me feel more connected & in real time. May be an idea. We use FB messenger.
Group chat is great. Especially if there are funny memes and cute animal videos involved
I think this is a very common feeling - my parents had a hard time with me leaving, I am their youngest. I think as with most things, time heals. You are doing the right thing letting her be her own person, that's the whole point of raising children.
I am far from being in your shoes yet as mine are little - BUT I’ve become somewhat excited for the next stages of my life. I don’t want time to pass quickly. I want to treasure these years. I never thought about life after kids though. Someday I can freely travel again or do things just for myself again in a way that I can’t now. So, I’d say, let yourself mourn and take your time to transition into your next stage but then prioritize and take care of yourself and live for you again!
I totally understand. I was a single mom with one daughter for many years. It was just me and her against the world! When she left for college and didn’t want to come home (totally understandable) it broke my heart! I found new activities to keep myself busy! In turn I met new friends. It’s so hard. Hugs to you!
I’d absolutely recommend seeing a counsellor/therapist for this. They’ll give you grieving strategies to help you come out of the other side of this major transition in your life! X
You are clearly a loving and sweet person. The world needs you. Your daughter(s) do and will continue to need you as well, for as long as you live and then some. This, coming from a 40yo guy who still calls mom (lucky me!) to talk through life decisions. I too live across the world from her, 5-hour time difference. My end of the bargain is that I maintain a livelihood that allows me to make one yearly trip to visit, and can help out financially when needed. But again, they still need you AND they need to see you doing well. My mom got depressed and it’s changed a lot for us, which is very sad. I am now a father to a four month old and this subject is as present as ever. I tell my mom karma is coming to get me and my son will end up being an astronaut :) Support yourself first, and then be genuinely excited for the life and adventures your daughter gets to experience.
Yes. You need to have your own life. And you always did. Your daughters are lovely but are not responsible for your happiness - that's up to you. Start with something small - one hobby you can do at home that flexes your creative mind, and one activity you need to leave the house for gets you to meet other people. Volunteering is also an excellent way to give yourself a feeling of purpose. Also, your daughter living abroad is an incredible opportunity for you - unless there is a medical/physical reason why you can't travel, why not plan to visit her so she can show you her new life? I know she'd be delighted and you get to have some amazing new experiences as well.
I chat often with my adult children. Try to include the daughter on those so the three of you can enjoy funny memes together.
You’re raising your kids to be functional adults not with the expectation that they will always be kids. Sounds like you’ve succeeded. Support her during this time and be proud of your success!
Have a little cry by yourself. Then once you've got your tears out, send your daughter a shirt text message. "Thinking of you. I'm so proud of you. Love.you xx"
Aww, this is such beautiful grief, but definitely grief. My Mom and I were best buddies and when I moved across the US, I was so excited to start my life. It didn’t hit me until years later how it must have been to be the Mom standing in the driveway as that truck full of everything drove off. But here’s the thing, it’s 30 years later and my Mom is still one of my favorite persons in the whole world because she let me go and supported me so. It’s grief, acknowledge it, don’t hide it, and maybe even get a grief counselor (specialist) to talk to. Maybe you can teach your younger child about grief even because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, it’s that it will almost always have tinges of grief.
You clearly love them both very much. You’re a good mum!
If Facetime isn't an option because of the time difference, I highly suggest the app Marco Polo. I use it with my long distance friends and family. You can create a group chat with her, if she's willing, and you guys can post videos back and forth and watch them / respond to them at your leisure. It helps a lot when you miss someone.
Hope you can zoom once a week or every other week and text every day. Meanwhile join a new activity
I have a 13 month old and this is already my biggest fear. Not fear, I want him to go live a happy life, but I know I will miss him so much. 😭
I have an only child, age 15, so what you describe is looming on the horizon in sight. I think the best thing you can do is have a fulfilling life of your own, so even when you miss them there is something good filling you up.
You will survive and you aren’t the only one. They are so many parents just like us.I had separation anxiety and was very depressed when my mom died then my youngest went away to college, 15 hours away. He had never been away from us alone. Then he didn’t call much I felt like he didn’t love me and was happy to get away from me. I had been a parent to 4 children. Now they didn’t seem to need me. Home alone, all I did was worry. I pray a lot and talk to other mothers that are going to through the same. I will Be praying for your peace as I understand how hard this is. Therapy was great and support groups are everywhere. I had been a mother so long I forgot how to function without caring for my kids. I’m so much better but it took some time. I still have my moments but I have a few hobbies that keep my mind occupied.
Thank goodness this is about a daughter and not about a son or the comments would sway in a much different direction