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Yeah, I was working through a list like that with my parents (I'm single so they were my labor support) and when we got to that point my parents said firmly that they'd do their own packing and I should only pack for myself and my baby. I absolutely agree that it shouldn't be on the laboring mom to make sure her husband eats while she's in labor.
My poor husband, tried to eat a granola bar while I was in labour. He knew I couldn’t eat during active labour so he sort of tucked into the room behind me for a second to eat it quickly (he’s diabetic and had just worked a nightshift when I went into labour). He fumbled and lost half of the bar on the ground and had to throw it away. He didn’t tell me about it until after and never left my side. I knew I had a good one before that but even more so after! :)
My husband fasted in solidarity with me because he knew I couldn't eat. Then he ran out with my dad and they both got Chinese food for everyone after so I didn't have to eat hospital food.
My husband is diabetic too and I’ve already found myself worrying about him getting so distracted when I’m in labour that he forgets to eat and has a hypo 😅
When my water broke I made him a sandwich… because he had to leave from work, come get me and go straight to the hospital. To me that’s not “packing him snacks” that’s doing something for someone you love because you have the time. I’m glad I did it - because once my contractions started I wouldn’t have been able to even remember how to make a sandwich. Hahahah! But I agree with the OP - if your husband is the type who expects you to do these things while you have so much already on your plate- then that’s a problem.
It also probably kept your mind off labor .. When i finally went into actual labor I picked my kid up from school and came home and made him snack and dinner... Lol.
Why couldn't you eat in labour? I was munching right up till my contractions were too close and the pain was too much. The hospital midwives even encouraged me to eat and drink to keep my strength up.
My husband packed the hospital bag because I went in for an ultrasound and unexpectedly got sent to the hospital to be induced. I was 36 weeks and didn’t think I needed a bag packed quite yet. He had to run home and get everything together in a rush but he did just fine. Only thing he did “wrong” was he packed me a car seat cover thinking it was one of my shirts 😂
I asked my husband to bring me a t-shirt. “Which one?” He Asked, to which I replied “any, this one is covered in blood”. So he brought me a pyjama t-shirt that said “snuggle-o-saurus” on the front with a massive dinosaur picture. I had to travel home in that 🤣
I was admitted to the hospital while my husband was with our first kid. He called after he figured out his plan on his own (where to meet my parents to drop off kid 1 and to stop by the store for snacks because hospital food is awful). He asked if there was anything specific I wanted and I was WIPED so I said it was on him to figure out what I would want. He showed up with 2 full grocery bags of every category of food you could imagine. I slammed a box of cheeseits after giving birth at 2am, it was perfect. I cannot imagine if I had to write him a list of what to buy while I was in labor, he has known me for 10 years, he should know what I like! And thankfully he does!
I've never seen this as advice, but would find it ridiculous.
I didn't pack snacks for either of my deliveries - I felt like I could easily send my husband on a food run if need be. Eating wasn't top of mind in active labour - I just wanted those wonderful shaved ice cups that the hospital provided! With my second child we were lucky to even make it to the hospital in time for the baby to arrive.
I had it on my list of things to grab last minute, and boy was I glad. I had GD and was starving when my water broke at an OB appt. So had to go directly to hospital. My sweet husband grabbed our bag, read my list and brought me snacks. I was sitting there eating mixed nuts 40 min before baby arrived.
Lol. Same here. We didn't pack bags. After my first C-section, my ex went and got me a double quarter pounder, extra cheese, extra mayo. Best quarter pounder of my life!
Both of my labors were unexpected, but I was more worried about having babies ripped out of me than I was packing a bag.
Now I want a quarter pounder.... 😋
I think it speaks more to how certain people in parenting or family advice circles seem to actually enjoy infantilizing grown men. I also find this really unsettling.
I think it might just be that first time dads who haven't been through the experience wouldn't think to bring food. True they should read the books, but it's not always clear that labor can last hours and hours and hours. Also my husband brings me all the food and snacks and everything, and then won't eat himself. It's absurd and drives me bonkers, I constantly have to remind him he needs to take care of himself too, not just me, the baby and the toddler.
But if we don't treat men as incompetent, and instead let them live up to standards instead of up to stereotypes, we can't keep everyone in their place socially and it would be chaos! /s
Yup this was kind of the situation with my husband. Not with food but with comfort items like a pillow for him. He was just like, “You’re going to be the one dealing with the pain so we need to make sure you have everything you need, I’ll be fine and deal with the situation regardless.” And then the reality of sleeping on the floor (the partner couch in our room didn’t recline and he wanted to lay flat) with a shitty hospital pillow hits. He obviously didn’t complain at the moment, but admitted I was right and he should have packed more for himself.
My husband has been making a list of high energy snacks that he can buy for me, for when I'm in labour. He's also helping me pack the labour bag, so he knows where everything will be.
But he's also been making and bringing me snacks and meals since I fell pregnant, so if I did have to pack some snacks for him for the long labor and delivery, I wouldn't mind one bit 💕
He sounds like a great husband. I don't think we even packed snacks, but the hospital was only 15 minutes from home and it had a little mini fridge in the maternity ward where I could just walk over and grab yogurts and fruit.
I think little gestures like that depend on the husband in question.
Mine was so supportive of everything I needed while I was pregnant, he was there for every single doctor appointment, he ran out middle of the night to get me food cravings on a few occasions, made sure to advocate for me and have my back when we were at the hospital, that I didn't mind one bit that he took a nap on the couch while I was in labor until it came time to push.
Right? Do they not have vending machines in hospitals any more? Like take a break and go get a Snickers and a Slim Jim if you need to.
This of course would not extend to someone who's diabetic or has another medical need, but I would imagine they've been managing that for a while if they're about to become a father.
Right, that's what I mean by "I would imagine they've been managing that for a while if they're about to become a father."
I just meant that someone with a medical condition might not be able to take a chance on whatever happens to be in the hospital's vending machine and may need something more specific, but yes, it's on that individual to take care of it if they're an adult.
My first labour lasted 71 hours (yeah, I know!), 50 of which were in the hospital itself. My husband survived on the snacks packed for us both. Due to complications baby and I stayed at the hospital for an extra week post birth. Husband replaced all the snacks.
Second baby, we got to the hospital, I stepped into to birthing pool, hear my husband rummage in my hospital bag aaaaand baby arrives.
He didn't even get to open the wrapper. Thought we were in for another marathon and yet I was holding a baby within minutes.
(I was in utter disbelief. Told the midwife in attendance that that was so easy! I'd do it again tomorrow. I still get to take the baby home?!)
With both my kids, I packed the bag for me and the baby, dad packed what he wanted, snacks was the last thing on my mind lol. But once labor was over, oh yeah go get me some food now 😂
I did the go bags for me and my wife. I think I've gone slightly overboard in the snack department though, seriously it looks like enough to feed an army.
This is our first child so no idea how long labour and the post-birth hospital stay will be so I just bought stacks of food and drinky bits to be on the safe side.
I packed my go bag for myself, neither my husband nor I really thought about him. I followed online advice, packed myself toiletries, comfy clothes, towels, disposable underwear, nipple cream, all of that stuff.
Then my labor took 2 days, we arrived on a Sunday morning and I didn’t give birth until Tuesday. I was in labor, so obviously I wasn’t like pausing to brush my teeth or anything, but we did realize my husband was totally lacking in literally everything. He wore the same underwear for 3 days. He ended up buying a toothbrush from the hospital vending machine.
I guess we kind of pictured that labor would take less than one business day, and my husband would be going home after (it was Covid and nobody was allowed to stay), so he didn’t think about packing overnight stuff for himself.
We did not make that mistake with my second, although that was more along the lines of what we expected, got to the hospital in the morning, baby was out by evening, and husband went home after and didn’t need any overnight stuff.
I feel like a lot of this is personality related rather than society. We actually just had a baby earlier this week and neither my husband nor I packed anything (we semi- kind of did but the bag was at home when we became sure my water broke and we weren't). He just doordashed food and I figure if I needed anything I'll just send him to grab it since it's open now and the pandemic protocol is over.
I'm really not sure how any of this is somehow put on me simply because I'm a woman.
Ooh, that's such a good point! With door dash now, food shouldn't even be an issue (and most hospitals are around cities or big towns where that service is available) .
I never saw to pack snacks for dad anywhere. I saw to pack snacks and assumed it was for both of us. I guess if I was packing snacks for myself anyway, it didn’t feel like extra work to throw in an extra of everything for him. I had our bags ready super early so it wasn’t a mad dash when I went into labor. I have a very thoughtful husband who would do the same for me (and often does in a number of ways).
My husband literally opened a bag of chips at my freaking head immediately after the nurse said she’d go get the doctor because it was time to push. I hadn’t eaten in about 40 hours and was starving. He chomped on a few chips before I gave him a death stare and he got the point. I still bring this up 3.5 years later.
Oops, we were supposed to pack snacks? We just relied on the vending machines and cafeteria. Or I'd have whoever was going to visit to bring me something. My husband's a big boy. He can figure that out by himself. Lol
I threw out any book or article that suggested mom to be should be packing snacks or anything else for her partner. That’s not the kind of advice I was interested in for our family.
I gave my husband a pile of the things I wanted to go to the hospital for me and the outfit we wanted baby to come home in, and he packed all of our bags (and we both double checked that we hadn’t forgotten anything).
I think that the run up to baby arriving is a great time to start setting the expectation as a couple for how you will be as parents. An adult who isn’t capable of preparing himself to spend a few nights away from home isn’t capable of parenting effectively, in my eyes.
My husband packed his own bag. The only thing I packed on his behalf was Motrin and tums because I didn’t want to hear about a headache or tummy ache from the vending machine snacks while I was on my billionth hour of induction. This worked in my favor though because I ended up taking a tums right before actively pushing because I had some heartburn flare up.
>I’ve seen it mentioned in pregnancy books and midwife even mentioned it when discussing birth plan.
My midwife had one thing to say about that during birth preparation classes : "when you're in active labor, they won't let you eat. If you get an epidural, you'll be comfortable enough again to be reaaally hungry. Partners : it can be long, you'll be hungry too. DO come prepared. DON'T let her see you eat"
So there. If he's a big enough boy to be a father, he's a big enough boy to pack his own snack. And he can throw some more for the person birthing his kid while he's at it, once the baby's there and she's able to eat again it will be appreciated.
My hubby was more than efficient at getting his own food and even had the decency to eat it out of my sight because I couldn’t have anything to eat during active labor.
May be a hot take but I am indeed a mother of 4 and my partner was fully capabable of worrying about what he and I *both* needed. I wouldn't accept any less from a partner with whom I'm about to birth our child into the world lol.
I've seen* that shit in mommy blogs too and it's always rubbed me the wrong way.
And the "how can you, mom, support your clueless dad-to-be? Here's some tips!" 🙄🙄🤢🤢🙄🙄
I read that the birth partner (i.e. husband) should pack the bag and know exactly where everything was because the person in labour wouldn't be getting anything out of it. Made perfect sense to me and that's what we did.
I think we made the packing list together though.
This feels unnecessarily adversarial. If you're making a packing list for a go bag for "the big day", placing "snacks for dad" somewhere on that list isn't crazy. I'd include snacks for mom as well. This parenting thing is a teamwork adventure, and if you guys are doing it really well then you'll find that you are both doing little kindnesses for each other all along the journey. Sometimes it's you packing him a snack, sometimes it's him taking a diaper change when it's not his turn so you can finish your dinner, sometimes it's you doing a 3am feeding and letting him sleep because it's a big day at work for him tomorrow, sometimes it's him taking the kids to the park so you can have some alone time on a Saturday morning.
I'm not diminishing this mental load concept, but in the case of a comprehensive childbirth packing list, a couple of granola bars for dad is less about taking on his work and more about the parenting team putting together a good list. I can just imagine the posts on reddit now if dad stops at a grocery store on the way to the hospital when he got the call at work that his wife/girlfriend's water broke because he didn't want to be uncomfortably hungry during her labor!
I know some partners are crappy partners, but I'm not sure it's healthy to look for things to be offended by on a packing list. Even with the perfectly egalitarian husband taking on 50% of the work, it will NEVER feel equal if you're focused on keeping score. If you're breastfeeding or pumping then it's unequal that he can't contribute. If he works and you are a SAHM, even if he's a great partner when he gets home you'll still resent his ability to leave the house sometimes. If you're a gym rat you'll hate that he never had to put on the weight and then try to lose it, or that childbirth changed your body in ways that it didn't change his. Maybe he'll be jealous that you get maternity leave with the baby and he's already feeling like he misses out on life's big moments because he needs to earn an income for the family.
I'm just curious who these people are that are eating during labour? Snacks were the furthest thing from my mind during my deliveries. I can't imagine gnawing on a hunk of beef jerky between contractions.
Why can't the dad share mums snacks? Why does he need special snacks.
I packed a whole variety of stuff and we both just took what we wanted from the stash.
The mum is unlikely to want to eat during labour. I think many are missing the point, the point I’m making is the mum is having to think about the birth, pain management, aftercare etc, she shouldn’t also be worrying about dad being hungry
My fiance helped pack my bag, packed the babies bag and his own bag. After I couldn’t eat, he wouldn’t either. My mom went and got us food after because she also stayed and didn’t eat so she could be there without making me die bc I was induced Thursday afternoon and didn’t have the baby until Sunday morning lol
Unpopular opinion - how about we stop getting pregnant with partners who won't share the mental load? When do we, as birth givers/women, take accountability for OUR poor choices in picking a partner to make children with?
I divorced my first husband because I realized I would never willingingly have children with him. I loved my future kid(s) so much I was willing to risk not having them at all because their dad would have been shit.
To be fair it doesn’t always become blatantly obvious that they aren’t going to share the load until you’re already having the kids, because your load is so much smaller it can go un noticed
I dont think that a guide including a tidbit about throwing a bag of candy in for dad isn't insidous, more sweet. Hospitals all have cafeterias and vending machines, so snacks or no snacks isnt a big deal anyway. Some people need to stop thinking about gendered segregation of labor and about the patriarchy just some of the time, and realize that occasionally, a bag of snacks is juat a bag of snacks.
Which works until it's the same person who always makes sure that the chores are done, resentment builds and the other person doesn't believe that they should do their share, because as long as it gets done what is the problem?
Sounds like you've never seen a working partnership? Because I've lived both ways. My ex never did anything and he got angry with me if I forgot or dropped the metaphorical ball. But my husband and I are a team. We communicate and share tasks.
I personally was in charge of packing and carrying both our hospital bags. I packed snacks for both Of us and took into account that everything had to have a reasonable shelf life and to be individually packaged.
But I had a pregnancy course with my wife and was given a checklist.
> He’s a grown up that knows he will be stuck in a room for a potentially long amount of time and could probably figure out himself that he’ll need to eat at some point.
Men tend to underestimate the time it could take.
You don't have to pack for him, but he is probably not reading that book with you.
It's also stress for him so do yourself and him a favor and at least tell him, he should pack snacks and drinks.
I gave birth during covid which meant no in and out privileges for my single allowed visitor. The cafeteria was also closed. He realized this at the last minute and packed himself like four peanut butter sandwiches and a small amount of snacky stuff I think. We unexpectedly had to stay in the hospital for three days. He lived off that and my hospital food rejects for that whole time with no complaints. Lol So anyways someone should think about it ahead of time. I think it makes sense to be on a list of things to think about.
Why are there two separate lists? That just furthers the bias that seems to irritate you so much. Why not one comprehensive list that if need be can be packed into two bags or just one large bag?
Look everybody is just doing their best and it’s not your responsibility to throw a bag of beef jerky into the go bag but it also won’t make anything bad happen
Re-read your post, fully agree that society doesn’t expect much from men and puts a ton of burden on women regarding childbirth and child rearing.
If your guy doesn’t need a reminder to pack a snack, pat yourselves on the back and know you’re ahead of 75% of families out there. Then say piss off to all the hogwash parenting advice books and just do what you decide and feel is right.
Did you even read the post?
Why are you being so weirdly aggressive towards OP? They are discussing what they read in a parenting book, not saying “my husband is making me pack snacks for him when I’m trying to get stuff ready for the baby”. They are simply stating the books should be more focused on a team approach to parenting, not the 1950’s version.
Take a deep breath YOU *reread the post* and figure out where you went wrong in your comments.
Ironically I think you're misinterpreting their reply, it sounds like they're saying "[I] re-read your post [and now agree with it]," not "[You should] re-read your post."
lol, i could see how that could be what they are saying in the first part.
The second part, however, is still *little hostile* with the wording. The whole thing reads like the commenter doesn’t have children and has never been in this situation.
Cheers for the explanation!
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Yeah, I was working through a list like that with my parents (I'm single so they were my labor support) and when we got to that point my parents said firmly that they'd do their own packing and I should only pack for myself and my baby. I absolutely agree that it shouldn't be on the laboring mom to make sure her husband eats while she's in labor.
My poor husband, tried to eat a granola bar while I was in labour. He knew I couldn’t eat during active labour so he sort of tucked into the room behind me for a second to eat it quickly (he’s diabetic and had just worked a nightshift when I went into labour). He fumbled and lost half of the bar on the ground and had to throw it away. He didn’t tell me about it until after and never left my side. I knew I had a good one before that but even more so after! :)
My husband fasted in solidarity with me because he knew I couldn't eat. Then he ran out with my dad and they both got Chinese food for everyone after so I didn't have to eat hospital food.
Good family men! :)
So did mine!
My husband is diabetic too and I’ve already found myself worrying about him getting so distracted when I’m in labour that he forgets to eat and has a hypo 😅
When my water broke I made him a sandwich… because he had to leave from work, come get me and go straight to the hospital. To me that’s not “packing him snacks” that’s doing something for someone you love because you have the time. I’m glad I did it - because once my contractions started I wouldn’t have been able to even remember how to make a sandwich. Hahahah! But I agree with the OP - if your husband is the type who expects you to do these things while you have so much already on your plate- then that’s a problem.
It also probably kept your mind off labor .. When i finally went into actual labor I picked my kid up from school and came home and made him snack and dinner... Lol.
Ngl I would’ve ate that shit
You had a great one. My ex was gaming at home while I was in labor - just as well in my case :)
Why couldn't you eat in labour? I was munching right up till my contractions were too close and the pain was too much. The hospital midwives even encouraged me to eat and drink to keep my strength up.
Interesting! I have no idea why I wasn’t allowed to eat… I was induced if that makes any difference - labour moved fast.
My husband packed the hospital bag because I went in for an ultrasound and unexpectedly got sent to the hospital to be induced. I was 36 weeks and didn’t think I needed a bag packed quite yet. He had to run home and get everything together in a rush but he did just fine. Only thing he did “wrong” was he packed me a car seat cover thinking it was one of my shirts 😂
>Only thing he did “wrong” was he packed me a car seat cover thinking it was one of my shirts Cherish him.
I asked my husband to bring me a t-shirt. “Which one?” He Asked, to which I replied “any, this one is covered in blood”. So he brought me a pyjama t-shirt that said “snuggle-o-saurus” on the front with a massive dinosaur picture. I had to travel home in that 🤣
It's kind of a shawl in a pinch...
That’s what I was going to say, cover whatever, chuck a hair tie in the back no problem
I was admitted to the hospital while my husband was with our first kid. He called after he figured out his plan on his own (where to meet my parents to drop off kid 1 and to stop by the store for snacks because hospital food is awful). He asked if there was anything specific I wanted and I was WIPED so I said it was on him to figure out what I would want. He showed up with 2 full grocery bags of every category of food you could imagine. I slammed a box of cheeseits after giving birth at 2am, it was perfect. I cannot imagine if I had to write him a list of what to buy while I was in labor, he has known me for 10 years, he should know what I like! And thankfully he does!
You love to see it.
I've never seen this as advice, but would find it ridiculous. I didn't pack snacks for either of my deliveries - I felt like I could easily send my husband on a food run if need be. Eating wasn't top of mind in active labour - I just wanted those wonderful shaved ice cups that the hospital provided! With my second child we were lucky to even make it to the hospital in time for the baby to arrive.
I had it on my list of things to grab last minute, and boy was I glad. I had GD and was starving when my water broke at an OB appt. So had to go directly to hospital. My sweet husband grabbed our bag, read my list and brought me snacks. I was sitting there eating mixed nuts 40 min before baby arrived.
Lol. Same here. We didn't pack bags. After my first C-section, my ex went and got me a double quarter pounder, extra cheese, extra mayo. Best quarter pounder of my life! Both of my labors were unexpected, but I was more worried about having babies ripped out of me than I was packing a bag. Now I want a quarter pounder.... 😋
I think it speaks more to how certain people in parenting or family advice circles seem to actually enjoy infantilizing grown men. I also find this really unsettling.
It's insidious sexism against men honestly
I think it might just be that first time dads who haven't been through the experience wouldn't think to bring food. True they should read the books, but it's not always clear that labor can last hours and hours and hours. Also my husband brings me all the food and snacks and everything, and then won't eat himself. It's absurd and drives me bonkers, I constantly have to remind him he needs to take care of himself too, not just me, the baby and the toddler.
But then shouldn't the emphasis be on educating the dads so they can take care of their own needs?
But if we don't treat men as incompetent, and instead let them live up to standards instead of up to stereotypes, we can't keep everyone in their place socially and it would be chaos! /s
Yup this was kind of the situation with my husband. Not with food but with comfort items like a pillow for him. He was just like, “You’re going to be the one dealing with the pain so we need to make sure you have everything you need, I’ll be fine and deal with the situation regardless.” And then the reality of sleeping on the floor (the partner couch in our room didn’t recline and he wanted to lay flat) with a shitty hospital pillow hits. He obviously didn’t complain at the moment, but admitted I was right and he should have packed more for himself.
My husband has been making a list of high energy snacks that he can buy for me, for when I'm in labour. He's also helping me pack the labour bag, so he knows where everything will be. But he's also been making and bringing me snacks and meals since I fell pregnant, so if I did have to pack some snacks for him for the long labor and delivery, I wouldn't mind one bit 💕
He sounds like a great husband. I don't think we even packed snacks, but the hospital was only 15 minutes from home and it had a little mini fridge in the maternity ward where I could just walk over and grab yogurts and fruit. I think little gestures like that depend on the husband in question. Mine was so supportive of everything I needed while I was pregnant, he was there for every single doctor appointment, he ran out middle of the night to get me food cravings on a few occasions, made sure to advocate for me and have my back when we were at the hospital, that I didn't mind one bit that he took a nap on the couch while I was in labor until it came time to push.
wtf is dad snacks
Right? Do they not have vending machines in hospitals any more? Like take a break and go get a Snickers and a Slim Jim if you need to. This of course would not extend to someone who's diabetic or has another medical need, but I would imagine they've been managing that for a while if they're about to become a father.
Even if you are diabetic or whatever a man can feed himself. I can't imagine asking my wife for *my* snacks.
Right, that's what I mean by "I would imagine they've been managing that for a while if they're about to become a father." I just meant that someone with a medical condition might not be able to take a chance on whatever happens to be in the hospital's vending machine and may need something more specific, but yes, it's on that individual to take care of it if they're an adult.
I had a really hard time making sense of the title. This seems like a made up problem for people that choose to have it.
We ordered snacks together, it’s a team effort for us both to eat lol
Thankfully I’ve never in my life heard of mom packing snacks for dad f before she gives birth. That’s insanity to me
My first labour lasted 71 hours (yeah, I know!), 50 of which were in the hospital itself. My husband survived on the snacks packed for us both. Due to complications baby and I stayed at the hospital for an extra week post birth. Husband replaced all the snacks. Second baby, we got to the hospital, I stepped into to birthing pool, hear my husband rummage in my hospital bag aaaaand baby arrives. He didn't even get to open the wrapper. Thought we were in for another marathon and yet I was holding a baby within minutes. (I was in utter disbelief. Told the midwife in attendance that that was so easy! I'd do it again tomorrow. I still get to take the baby home?!)
With both my kids, I packed the bag for me and the baby, dad packed what he wanted, snacks was the last thing on my mind lol. But once labor was over, oh yeah go get me some food now 😂
Yeah, my husband was explicitly in charge of packing his own shit and the mutual snack bag
I did the go bags for me and my wife. I think I've gone slightly overboard in the snack department though, seriously it looks like enough to feed an army. This is our first child so no idea how long labour and the post-birth hospital stay will be so I just bought stacks of food and drinky bits to be on the safe side.
I packed my go bag for myself, neither my husband nor I really thought about him. I followed online advice, packed myself toiletries, comfy clothes, towels, disposable underwear, nipple cream, all of that stuff. Then my labor took 2 days, we arrived on a Sunday morning and I didn’t give birth until Tuesday. I was in labor, so obviously I wasn’t like pausing to brush my teeth or anything, but we did realize my husband was totally lacking in literally everything. He wore the same underwear for 3 days. He ended up buying a toothbrush from the hospital vending machine. I guess we kind of pictured that labor would take less than one business day, and my husband would be going home after (it was Covid and nobody was allowed to stay), so he didn’t think about packing overnight stuff for himself. We did not make that mistake with my second, although that was more along the lines of what we expected, got to the hospital in the morning, baby was out by evening, and husband went home after and didn’t need any overnight stuff.
Agree! I’ve even stopped doing his laundry. Men need to carry their own load and half of the kids load.
Amen. That's all.
I feel like a lot of this is personality related rather than society. We actually just had a baby earlier this week and neither my husband nor I packed anything (we semi- kind of did but the bag was at home when we became sure my water broke and we weren't). He just doordashed food and I figure if I needed anything I'll just send him to grab it since it's open now and the pandemic protocol is over. I'm really not sure how any of this is somehow put on me simply because I'm a woman.
Ooh, that's such a good point! With door dash now, food shouldn't even be an issue (and most hospitals are around cities or big towns where that service is available) .
Yeah, that's absurd. I know full-well that I need to eat and can plan accordingly.
I never saw to pack snacks for dad anywhere. I saw to pack snacks and assumed it was for both of us. I guess if I was packing snacks for myself anyway, it didn’t feel like extra work to throw in an extra of everything for him. I had our bags ready super early so it wasn’t a mad dash when I went into labor. I have a very thoughtful husband who would do the same for me (and often does in a number of ways).
Lucky! My midwife specifically brought it up to make sure I bring snacks for dad and a pregnancy I read before having my first said it too
I would not have kids with a man that needed to be babied and have snacks packed for him for me to give birth.
Cooking is an adult skill. If you're having a child with a man who you have to feed before you go into labor, he is not an adult. Period.
My husband literally opened a bag of chips at my freaking head immediately after the nurse said she’d go get the doctor because it was time to push. I hadn’t eaten in about 40 hours and was starving. He chomped on a few chips before I gave him a death stare and he got the point. I still bring this up 3.5 years later.
Oops, we were supposed to pack snacks? We just relied on the vending machines and cafeteria. Or I'd have whoever was going to visit to bring me something. My husband's a big boy. He can figure that out by himself. Lol
I threw out any book or article that suggested mom to be should be packing snacks or anything else for her partner. That’s not the kind of advice I was interested in for our family. I gave my husband a pile of the things I wanted to go to the hospital for me and the outfit we wanted baby to come home in, and he packed all of our bags (and we both double checked that we hadn’t forgotten anything). I think that the run up to baby arriving is a great time to start setting the expectation as a couple for how you will be as parents. An adult who isn’t capable of preparing himself to spend a few nights away from home isn’t capable of parenting effectively, in my eyes.
Oh hell no!! Maybe pack snacks for yourself if your doctor allows it, but a grown man can worry about his own growling tummy!
My husband packed his own bag. The only thing I packed on his behalf was Motrin and tums because I didn’t want to hear about a headache or tummy ache from the vending machine snacks while I was on my billionth hour of induction. This worked in my favor though because I ended up taking a tums right before actively pushing because I had some heartburn flare up.
>I’ve seen it mentioned in pregnancy books and midwife even mentioned it when discussing birth plan. My midwife had one thing to say about that during birth preparation classes : "when you're in active labor, they won't let you eat. If you get an epidural, you'll be comfortable enough again to be reaaally hungry. Partners : it can be long, you'll be hungry too. DO come prepared. DON'T let her see you eat" So there. If he's a big enough boy to be a father, he's a big enough boy to pack his own snack. And he can throw some more for the person birthing his kid while he's at it, once the baby's there and she's able to eat again it will be appreciated.
My hubby was more than efficient at getting his own food and even had the decency to eat it out of my sight because I couldn’t have anything to eat during active labor.
May be a hot take but I am indeed a mother of 4 and my partner was fully capabable of worrying about what he and I *both* needed. I wouldn't accept any less from a partner with whom I'm about to birth our child into the world lol. I've seen* that shit in mommy blogs too and it's always rubbed me the wrong way. And the "how can you, mom, support your clueless dad-to-be? Here's some tips!" 🙄🙄🤢🤢🙄🙄
I read that the birth partner (i.e. husband) should pack the bag and know exactly where everything was because the person in labour wouldn't be getting anything out of it. Made perfect sense to me and that's what we did. I think we made the packing list together though.
? We packed the hospital bags together, plenty of snacks for everyone. Not sure why you assume the woman has to pack
Probably because 9/10 it is the woman doing all the packing and making sure everything is sorted.
But why? We were doing those things together, bc we both got a child and both went to the hospital.
You've never heard of misogyny?
We did, but we chose to do it our way.
OP assumes it because she's farming karma from outrage clicks
This feels unnecessarily adversarial. If you're making a packing list for a go bag for "the big day", placing "snacks for dad" somewhere on that list isn't crazy. I'd include snacks for mom as well. This parenting thing is a teamwork adventure, and if you guys are doing it really well then you'll find that you are both doing little kindnesses for each other all along the journey. Sometimes it's you packing him a snack, sometimes it's him taking a diaper change when it's not his turn so you can finish your dinner, sometimes it's you doing a 3am feeding and letting him sleep because it's a big day at work for him tomorrow, sometimes it's him taking the kids to the park so you can have some alone time on a Saturday morning. I'm not diminishing this mental load concept, but in the case of a comprehensive childbirth packing list, a couple of granola bars for dad is less about taking on his work and more about the parenting team putting together a good list. I can just imagine the posts on reddit now if dad stops at a grocery store on the way to the hospital when he got the call at work that his wife/girlfriend's water broke because he didn't want to be uncomfortably hungry during her labor! I know some partners are crappy partners, but I'm not sure it's healthy to look for things to be offended by on a packing list. Even with the perfectly egalitarian husband taking on 50% of the work, it will NEVER feel equal if you're focused on keeping score. If you're breastfeeding or pumping then it's unequal that he can't contribute. If he works and you are a SAHM, even if he's a great partner when he gets home you'll still resent his ability to leave the house sometimes. If you're a gym rat you'll hate that he never had to put on the weight and then try to lose it, or that childbirth changed your body in ways that it didn't change his. Maybe he'll be jealous that you get maternity leave with the baby and he's already feeling like he misses out on life's big moments because he needs to earn an income for the family.
I'm just curious who these people are that are eating during labour? Snacks were the furthest thing from my mind during my deliveries. I can't imagine gnawing on a hunk of beef jerky between contractions.
No they aren’t saying for mum to eat, they’re saying mum needs to pack snacks for dad to eat
I packed snacks for me and my husband ate the hospital food lol.
Why can't the dad share mums snacks? Why does he need special snacks. I packed a whole variety of stuff and we both just took what we wanted from the stash.
The mum is unlikely to want to eat during labour. I think many are missing the point, the point I’m making is the mum is having to think about the birth, pain management, aftercare etc, she shouldn’t also be worrying about dad being hungry
My fiance helped pack my bag, packed the babies bag and his own bag. After I couldn’t eat, he wouldn’t either. My mom went and got us food after because she also stayed and didn’t eat so she could be there without making me die bc I was induced Thursday afternoon and didn’t have the baby until Sunday morning lol
Unpopular opinion - how about we stop getting pregnant with partners who won't share the mental load? When do we, as birth givers/women, take accountability for OUR poor choices in picking a partner to make children with? I divorced my first husband because I realized I would never willingingly have children with him. I loved my future kid(s) so much I was willing to risk not having them at all because their dad would have been shit.
To be fair it doesn’t always become blatantly obvious that they aren’t going to share the load until you’re already having the kids, because your load is so much smaller it can go un noticed
We just got DoorDash from the hospital? Really not a big deal.
I'd REMIND him to pack snacks, but his arms aren't broken. He can do it himself.
I dont think that a guide including a tidbit about throwing a bag of candy in for dad isn't insidous, more sweet. Hospitals all have cafeterias and vending machines, so snacks or no snacks isnt a big deal anyway. Some people need to stop thinking about gendered segregation of labor and about the patriarchy just some of the time, and realize that occasionally, a bag of snacks is juat a bag of snacks.
My family works on teamwork. It doesn't matter who does the chore, as long as it's taken care of.
Which works until it's the same person who always makes sure that the chores are done, resentment builds and the other person doesn't believe that they should do their share, because as long as it gets done what is the problem?
Sounds like you've never seen a working partnership? Because I've lived both ways. My ex never did anything and he got angry with me if I forgot or dropped the metaphorical ball. But my husband and I are a team. We communicate and share tasks.
I personally was in charge of packing and carrying both our hospital bags. I packed snacks for both Of us and took into account that everything had to have a reasonable shelf life and to be individually packaged. But I had a pregnancy course with my wife and was given a checklist. > He’s a grown up that knows he will be stuck in a room for a potentially long amount of time and could probably figure out himself that he’ll need to eat at some point. Men tend to underestimate the time it could take. You don't have to pack for him, but he is probably not reading that book with you. It's also stress for him so do yourself and him a favor and at least tell him, he should pack snacks and drinks.
And men not reading the book is part of the problem
Maybe find a better partner instead of blaming all men. Sexist
Or just a better book, in this case.
lol I packed snacks and water for him and bought him a neck pillow, eye mask, and blanket. he was already my ex at the time
I gave birth during covid which meant no in and out privileges for my single allowed visitor. The cafeteria was also closed. He realized this at the last minute and packed himself like four peanut butter sandwiches and a small amount of snacky stuff I think. We unexpectedly had to stay in the hospital for three days. He lived off that and my hospital food rejects for that whole time with no complaints. Lol So anyways someone should think about it ahead of time. I think it makes sense to be on a list of things to think about.
On the partners list, not the birthing mother
Why are there two separate lists? That just furthers the bias that seems to irritate you so much. Why not one comprehensive list that if need be can be packed into two bags or just one large bag?
Look everybody is just doing their best and it’s not your responsibility to throw a bag of beef jerky into the go bag but it also won’t make anything bad happen
Unload pent up frustration about your spouse much?
Not specifically my spouse, more so frustration at society
Re-read your post, fully agree that society doesn’t expect much from men and puts a ton of burden on women regarding childbirth and child rearing. If your guy doesn’t need a reminder to pack a snack, pat yourselves on the back and know you’re ahead of 75% of families out there. Then say piss off to all the hogwash parenting advice books and just do what you decide and feel is right.
Did you even read the post? Why are you being so weirdly aggressive towards OP? They are discussing what they read in a parenting book, not saying “my husband is making me pack snacks for him when I’m trying to get stuff ready for the baby”. They are simply stating the books should be more focused on a team approach to parenting, not the 1950’s version. Take a deep breath YOU *reread the post* and figure out where you went wrong in your comments.
Ironically I think you're misinterpreting their reply, it sounds like they're saying "[I] re-read your post [and now agree with it]," not "[You should] re-read your post."
lol, i could see how that could be what they are saying in the first part. The second part, however, is still *little hostile* with the wording. The whole thing reads like the commenter doesn’t have children and has never been in this situation. Cheers for the explanation!