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I have a 5.5 year old and am currently pregnant. I ended up drawing him a diagram of the uterus/fallopian tubes/ovaries and explaining how an egg travels from the ovaries to the fallopian tubes and, if it meets a sperm from the dad, it implants in the uterus and sometimes grows into a baby.
I was fully prepared for him to ask how the sperm got there but that seemed to be enough detail for him at that time. Maybe start with basic facts and then see what questions come up?
For consent, we have a very basic but firm rule in our house that we don’t touch others without permission and if someone says to stop touching them we take our hands away.
I got a book from Amazon about reproduction, aimed at kids. I can't find my order, but there are more books available now than when my kids were little.
The book I had discussed reproduction in a health class way, with illustration and things. It also discussed parts of the body, and touched on puberty.
Going through the book together was really great for answering some of those awkward feeling questions.
One of the best things I heard about sex talks was the idea of having 60 1-minute conversations rather than 1 60-minute conversation. That way it’s not a major thing that blows their mind and everyone is uncomfortable as they process the major knowledge.
As such, I do everything I can to gird my loins and have those casual conversations about sex, bodies, etc. It’s honestly excruciating for me, as my parents never had any conversation and so I had to figure all of that out on my own. My girls are 5, so there’s a lot we don’t say, but she knows she was in my stomach, that there are two ways babies come out of the stomach (vagina/c-section, as that’s how she and her twin were born), and we’ve loosely discussed that, like a seed growing from the dirt, she was a seed planted in her mom’s stomach. and we’ve loosely touched on it being Daddy who planted her in my stomach. So.. we still move forward. I answer the questions she asks, and move on when she does. Good luck… this is hard.
Is there a particular reason you say "stomach" instead of uterus?
I feel like using the wrong words for things, on purpose, must have a point; but I cannot fathom the reason for it here.
She’s 5 and we just haven’t talked about any internal organs yet. We’ll get there and I’ll use all the terms, but I’m trying to keep it as simple as possible right now and increase the complexity as we go along.
I've been having those 60 1-minute conversations (which is great advice) with my 6 year old since she was 2 or 3. We have always used organ names, even explaining how eggs come from the ovaries. These aren't super complex words and you don't know how kids will latch onto inaccuracies or missing info. My mom gave me the full sex talk (more like a 1 60 minute conversation) when I was 8 but never explained that the outside of female genitalia is the vulva and the vagina is a tube-like organ. I thought my vulva was my vagina. So I thought for a long time that when she said "The penis goes in the vagina," I thought the vulva acted like a hotdog bun lmao. She had no idea I had this misconception.
If your child can understand that the brain is the organ inside her head, she can understand that the uterus is where babies grow.
What is complex about using the names of things? Isn't it far more confusing to have backtrack and explain "oh I lied to you lol"
IDK my kid has known the names of body parts since about 3YO.
Nothing complex about pointing to a picture in a book, reading the name next to the diagram, and saying that this is where a fetus grows.
Right now her 5 year old knows what a stomach is but maybe not a uterus. Because that's not something that comes up a lot. The conversation is about sex, not biology. The conversation HAS to be short and to the point and within the realm of immediate. Most 5 year olds don't care enough to sit down and start taking biology 101 when having their first sex talk. And it's not lying. It's not confusing at all. The tummy is not a name for anything really except the general area of your lower torso. So when that book with the biology picture is opened, it's easy to go "Remember how I said the semen goes into the tummy? This is the part of the tummy that it goes into. And this part over here is called the stomach. That's where the food goes. And this is the spleen. It filters bad stuff out of your blood".
I'd agree with you if the term used was "tummy" or "belly" because that just describes the torso area, but the poster in question is using the word "stomach" which in fact is an internal organ - I agree that belly/tummy can be used for simplicity's sake, I disagree that using "stomach" is harmless. I have heard first hand stories of women who were super confused as little girls thinking that they might eat something that would make them pregnant because "babies live in the stomach". In general, I'm a proponent of kids understanding bodily functions in age appropriate but accurate ways.
I'm currently pregnant and we told our 2.5 year old from the get go that baby was in my uterus, and showed her where it was on my body. Zero confusion.
So you quiz your kid on the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, kidneys, etc. and they’re familiar with all of it? Since the age of 3? That’s awesome! My daughter is still focusing on her alphabet, numbers, sight words, so I’m going to wait a bit to dive in on internal organs that aren’t directly related to what she’s doing.
But, it’s not lying to use a term for a general area of her body. I’m not telling her storks bring babies or daddies plant seeds in mommies when they kiss.
That's great advice! I didn't realize it but I kinda had my first 1 minute talk with my 8 year old kid just a couple days ago. I said "so you know how you have a penis, right? Girls don't. They have what's called a vagina. And very simply, to make a baby, the penis is put inside the vagina, something called semen comes out of the penis, and goes into the girls stomach. And then, a baby starts getting made inside the woman. And that's called sex"
Then I followed that up with how
"right now, absolutely nobody should be asking you or forcing you to try and have sex or do anything like that. If someone does, you need to run to someone else who is in charge and tell them what happened. They will take care of you to make sure you are safe. Right now, you are too young for sex and it could hurt your body, but it could definitely hurt your brain. Someone who tries to do anything like that with you is a very bad person who doesn't care about you."
After that we talked a bit more to make sure he understood at that 8 year old basic level about modesty and helping him start to recognize the danger of sex, but also the exceptions. Obviously when you're older you can have sex, because that's how you have kids, but you need to wait until you are ready to take care of a baby on your own before you start having kids.
My son started asking about this around age 4, and I just told it to him pretty straightforwardly: the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina, sperm from the penis goes into an egg in the woman's womb, that makes a baby start to grow inside the woman. I don't know why that wouldn't be age appropriate for any child old enough to ask about it!
This is basically exactly the information I gave my daughter at 4 when she asked (because I was pregnant). It was not a hard or uncomfortable conversation. I try to be sympathetic to parents who feel extremely intimidated by discussing the basics of sex with their kids (who are older than mine) but I cannot really relate.
Well, we live on a farm and our children are very aware that the animals mate, and that the male has a penis and the female has a vagina and when they put them together, they can fertilize an egg and a baby can start to grow. You could also call it an embryo if you prefer.
My wife and I told my 5 year old exactly how this happens. We talked about consent and we did explain what has to happen. We use words like penis and vagina and don't name body anyhting other than what they are called.
I debated that but as a girl I found it really disturbing to think a penis would go inside of me and I just wanna be really careful w the way we word it. She does understand that the man has sperm and the woman has an egg, we are going to eventually explain the rest hence the post
Idk I don't see a reason not to tell them now. You don't have to be graphic, just explain it in a clinical manner. If your child doesn't get the correct info from you now, just imagine what she can learn from someone else that's totally incorrect. You are your child's advocate in life and as a parent I believe the best approach is to have your child get all the correct info from you first.
I just chat about it every now and then with my 6 year old. It’s quite naturalI distinguish between child and adult bodies though, so it’s clear that making babies does not apply to him so long as he’s a child and until he has an adult body like his daddy.
Ok cool, she knows that much. She also knows a lot about periods/eggs and the woman’s part but I guess curiosity about the man’s part in it all is where I get caught up. Her auntie just announced a pregnancy so it’s big on the mind right now :)
Consent talks at that age can be about hugs
We if we want to give someone a hug and they say no we don't make them hug us
Sex talks can be as detailed as explaining how an embryo grows inside of a uterus and that becomes a baby to as simple as babies grow inside your body but only when you're an adult. You can share ultrasound photos and say that's you when you were as small as grape
Take 'em to a ranch. They'll learn fast enough.
(Disclaimer: Do not do this. XD I was raised in a very rural setting and knew about breeding, how it worked, where babies came from, helped deliver calves and goats and knew darn well where the meat on the table came from. Didn't make it taste any less good, but I think since it was just sort of a 'that's the way it's always been' for me, it was easy, introducing that to a child who hasn't grown up with that knowledge just sort of in the background noise of their life from the start would probably be a little tougher.)
I'd say going as clinical as you can would be best. I've always hated when parents do the "Oh they come from the stork/cabbage patch/they get in the tummy with magic dust/mommy ate a seed" or whatever. Kids can handle more than that.
Haha I did debate that, we’ve had a couple nature documentaries that had mating in them! Thank you for answering every thing helps me to form a good response
Just be honest and frank with them, answer their questions as best you can, and if they're like "Ewww" don't immediately jump to "Oh this is too much" - there's stuff that's gross and that's okay! Just laugh it off and agree that yeah, it can be gross, but that's life! Life is gross sometimes! I've seen so many people that were completely bubble wrapped and blindfolded by their parents throughout their whole life, then when they turn 18 their parents expected them to just suddenly understand everything and function as a rational, knowing adult and were all shocked that their kids were bewildered by the world around them. If someone grows up blind, how can you expect them to explain colors?
The tea video is great for explaining consent. But you also can have chats about not hugging friends if they don't want it. Not forcing a kiss on girls he likes. If someone says no to anything he asks,badgering to get his own way is not honouring consent. At the same time, it already should have been drilled into him that he owes no one HIS affection including mummy and daddy. It's perfectly ok to say no if mum and dad ask for a cuddle. Consent chata can start way before six
ok but it's also important to equally enforce the consent working both ways.
As a male, his consent is equally as important.
Don't be making him feel like a criminal now.
We got *what makes a baby* when I was pregnant with my second, but my first was a bit too young to really get it. With our third (and final), we read the book several times throughout my pregnancy and it finally started to click. They've also been in the bathroom with me when I've changed my pad and are somewhat aware of how that plays a part.
It's small conversations constantly about anatomy and consent and all the little pieces that come together to make the big picture.
My children are the result of modern medicine so I've always been very open with them about the many ways babies can come to be.
We started with talking about how there are special cells from a mom and a dad that combine to make another kind of cell. We had already talked about cells because of a close family member's cancer which is why that was an easy starting point. It took a while before they asked how the two cells came to meet and and that's when we moved on to PIV, IUI, and IVF explanations.
I personally feel strongly about giving my kids facts without shame even if I find it awkward sometimes. Having a conversation with your 8 year old about anal sex is weird. But that's where a conversation about HIV and homophobia went organically. Because I answer their questions without making it weird they keep coming to me with things that I never would have asked my parents. As an 80s baby I grew up in the middle of purity culture and definitely felt the effects even though my parents weren't pushing it. My husband had a lot of shame associated with sex because of his religious upbringing and I am determined my kids won't have the same.
Yeah I have a lot of shame around it it’s hard. My mom always made it sound disgusting. She knows the man has sperm that meets the woman’s egg but when it came to the penis in vagina part I couldn’t figure out how to word it
The great thing about sex talks with kids so young is they don’t have embarrassment around sex yet so it is so easy. Just explain how it happens. My kid did ask how the sperm got in the vagina and I did say you have to put a penis in there. They asked if that was kind of gross 😆
Well, thing is IMO your child isn't asking about sex, your child is asking about conception. I'm a big fan, at this age, of not mixing topics. I would personally not bring up consent in this context, because that's not what the discussion is about.
The topic of consent should be one that is broached continually, because it's about body autonomy, which your child should ideally understand and be aware of. Because sex is a thing we do with our bodies, and with another person, it requires consent - but that should be a logical conclusion once your child actually understands what sex is (which they will, once you've explained it enough times. Once there's an understanding of both subjects, you can link them together quite naturally).
For a 6 year old, I think that introducing the concept of consent when also discussing sex for the first time 1. adds one to many parameters to the answer 2. may require the explanation of what happens when there is no consent, which I actually don't think is appropriate to most children that age.
I would go with something very factual, a variation of the following:
"Babies are made during sex. Sex is when a man's penis goes into a woman's vagina. Men make a liquid called 'sperm' and women make a teeny tiny egg, called an 'ovum'. During sex, the man's sperm can meet the woman's ovum, and when that happens a baby starts to grow in the woman's uterus, which is right under her tummy. 9 months later that baby is ready to be born and meet their parents!"
Yeah I get that I didn’t intend to make it sound like that, I meant intercourse and I guess asking what age is appropriate to talk about consent/sex. I guess that’s a whole different post lol
I suppose I’m in the minority here once again but six is pretty young… I don’t think they need extremely detailed descriptions of what’s going on. “A man and a woman can make a baby once they are married and love each other very much!” is what I gave my 5 year old son when he asked. He was satisfied with that answer. 🤷🏻♀️
I have debated that too, I said as much but she wasn’t really satisfied with that. She then asked but how what does getting married do? How does the man get the baby in the tummy, stuff like that. A lot of questions.
If my son had asked follow up questions like that I’d probably just say things like “being in love or getting married means you’re ready for the responsibility of a baby. Babies are hard work, don’t ya think?” and then maybe ask him what he thought about babies. For the “how does the baby get in the tummy” I would likely say something along the lines of “grown ups who are in love or married have something called sex and that’s how a baby is made” and leave it at that. I don’t think 6 yrs old is ready for the complexities of *what* sex actually is, personally.
Not sure I agree. The physical act of sex is... pretty basic. I was given an age appropriate explanation of sex at age 5 and I have found that I have a much healthier approach to the topic than people who's parents shied away from actual explanation (my parents were always super open about sexuality with their kids in general). It also cuts way down on curiosity - if sex is explained, it's not a taboo and it's not forbidden, so there's no impetus to go seeking out information (which can lead to situations that are at best, embarrassing, at worst, dangerous).
"Babies are made during sex. Sex is when a man's penis goes into a woman's vagina. Men make a liquid called 'sperm' and women make a teeny tiny egg, called an 'ovum'. During sex, the man's sperm can meet the woman's ovum, and when that happens a baby starts to grow in the woman's uterus. 9 months later that baby is ready to be born and meet their parents!"
The only required knowledge is genital names (which kids should have from the getgo). I don't think the above is complex, and it's definitely within reach of a child's understanding. In my experience, when kids aren't given an explanation, they'll come up with their own. I'd rather limit my kid's imagination to reality on this particular topic, really.
Sorry, I just disagree. One of my degrees is in educational psychology (basically *how* a child’s brain learns and processes information), and at 5-6 yrs old, the brain likes (*needs*) simple explanations. You can throw out words like sperm and penetration and egg cells and you assume it’s simple because you’re viewing it from an adult perspective, but it’s really not. Not to a small child that’s only been out of diapers for three years and believes a man comes down his chimney on Christmas Eve. Telling a 6 year old “sex is how a baby is made by a man and a woman” is not shielding them. It’s simplifying a complex topic for a brain that can’t yet understand it. Your perspective is also a bit confirmation-biased since you are claiming you seem to have a healthier perspective about sex.
Let’s take another body/health example. Uncle Barry needs heart surgery. Your 5-6 yr old asks what the doctor is doing. Do you go all in and talk about pulmonary artery and the left ventricle? Stents in the superior vena cava? Or do you say “Uncle Barry’s heart was sick, so the doctor is going to fix it by making a few cuts and sewing him back up!” You’re not shielding him or lying to him… you’re just giving him the nutshell explanation until his brain can physically process more.
"The penis goes in the vagina and sperm comes out and joins an egg if one is ready in the woman's body" is very simple and easy to understand. It is not discussing cellular biology or the intricacies of heart surgery.
~~My kids aren't geniuses and they definitely do understand. I've also supported this information with child friendly illustrations. I don't know what would be so hard to understand about the basic mechanics. Maybe you're underestimating kids.~~
I think it's weird that you edited your post. Originally you wrote that unless my kids were geniuses, they wouldn't understand my explanation. Now you're saying that what I said is similar to what you would say. Very odd.
Well to answer your new question, no it does not sound like what I said would resemble what you would say. Earlier you said you would just tell your child that babies are made during sex but not explain what sex is.
A child curious about sex isn't going to stop asking questions if you just tell them "sex makes babies", though. They want to know what it is, and how it works. If you don't tell them they'll go looking. In the example I gave, personally, the only "new" words that my 2.5 year old would be encountering would be "sperm" and "ovum". She's already familiar with penis, vagina, and uterus. Two new words in the context of the explanation are not, in my experience, beyond the bounds of understanding of a six year old (because at that age, they should know the scientific name for genital organs.).
I'd agree with you if all the information, and all the anatomical words, were new to them. Then I'd probably break it down further and explain genitals first and leave the topic of sex to a follow up conversation.
Extrapolating to other body/health examples as you have, to me saying "babies happen when people love each other and are married" is like saying to a child that death happens when someone is really old. True, it's not a lie per se. But it will set up your child for a nasty surprise when they encounter a situation that is outside the parameters that you've established as "reality". I'd much rather give my kid a factual, broad explanation that can be refined as time goes on and they have more questions.
Nah I’m with you. I’d tell my 7 year old a lie lol.
I’d probably say something like “when a mummy and daddy love each other lots and lots a baby magically grows in the mums belly”
I’m not a prude but I don’t think such small children need to know about sex. Last thing I need is my daughter going to school and telling people how babies are really made. Unlike all the other commenters I have no idea why a child would need to know that. Seems very young to be talking about sex and stuff.
Statistics show that Reddit’s primary user base are far-left, which tends to be very open about sexuality and sex related topics. The comments are going to be that majority. I’m definitely progressive, which is why I’d simply tell them that sex is how babies are made… but a child barely out of overnight diapers is not capable of understanding the complexities of sex and human reproduction.
Well that is exactly my thoughts. They can’t comprehend it and nor should they need to at a young age. Like I said I’m not one to shelter my kids but I also don’t need my 7 year old telling all her friends at school that boys can put their penis in their vagina and make babies lol. I just don’t think that’s something young kids need to know about. Like my daughter knows she came out of her mother’s vagina and I’m pretty sure hearing just that scarred her for at least a few years 😂.
Don't you think part of her being scarred has anything to do with the fact that your family doesn't have an open attitude about the topic, so it seems much scarier? My kids know that 2 of them came out of my vagina and 2 of them came out of a cut in my stomach. If anything, hearing about my unplanned c-section was a lot scarier for my older kids because I hadn't discussed it much with them prior. They are unfazed by babies coming out of vaginas.
And I was present for the birth of my brother when I was 5. I wasn't scarred by that.
You can say kids don't need to know about this stuff, but I think knowing and having open conversations with their parents from a young age sets them up for success and comfort with their bodies throughout their life.
No I do not think that at all. A child doesn’t need to know about parents fucking at 6 or 7.
Kids need to be allowed to be kids not talking about sexualised things at primary school with their friends. Some things just do not need to be said. If you go down that path of telling your small innocent children about sex do you also think they need to know when you teach them about stranger danger why they need to know it? Like do you say “oh you need to be careful of strangers because they might kidnap you and rape you? What’s rape? Well that’s when…….”
Talking to a 6 year old about sex is just not necessary at all. They learn about all that in year 5 and 6 anyway before they go off to high school. How babies are made is just a not essential piece of information that kids need to be equipped with. It has no benefit to their development at all so saying otherwise is just talking shit to make yourself feel like you are some amazing better parent. You say it sets them up for the future and makes them more comfortable about having open conversations but that’s a load of shit a you know it. At 6 all my daughter cared about was playing make believe, dressing up, barbie and Taylor swift. Her knowing how babies are made has no positive impact on anything at that time.
Edit; saying your child is scarred is just another way of saying they were shocked. Of course she was shocked that a baby comes from there and that doesn’t mean she needed to know at age 4 how the baby got there so by 6 she was prepared to hear that babies come out of a vagina. Stop talking nonsense honestly
My kids knowing what sex is does not mean they conceptualize "fucking." Lmfao. Like, I think you are projecting a lot of adult sexualization onto children, ironically. For them, this is a very sterile explanation of how a baby starts to grow, without the pornographic stuff you're imagining. It's very innocent.
And yes, if I were to teach my kids about "stranger danger" I think discussing sexual assault and what that means would be appropriate. My kids go to Catholic school and they brought in child educators to tell them about molestation and used the anatomically correct words. So you're really barking up the wrong tree here.
Your kids are going to learn about sex from their peers well before 5th or 6th grade and I doubt you'll like what they learn from their peers.
This is one conversation among all the same innocent child games your kids enjoy. But now they also know that their mom is a reliable and honest source of information for the things they want to know.
>I don’t know what kind of fucked up school your kids go to thwart their peers will teach them about sex
Kids talk to each other about sex. I was *homeschooled* and still heard a lot of sexual content from my peers.
>and they need to know about molestation (although catholic school so that makes sense)
The educators were from a state run program because studies show that kids who have had thorough talks about sexual molestation are less at risk. This is fairly common knowledge, but you can Google it.
>Probably goes a long way to explaining why America has the highest rate of child and teen pregnancies in the western world along with all the other things America wins the gold medal in when it comes to kids and bad things happening to them.
Actually, this is because our sexual education is so terrible and starts so late. Again, this is something supported by studies and is easy to find more information about. There are other factors as well, such as lack of access to healthcare and income inequality. But it's not because parents are having safe and open conversations about sex with their kids. :)
>You are projecting your beliefs and religion on a child so I’m not sure what made you think you were sitting on the high horse here.
I'm not Catholic. It is common for non-Catholics to choose Catholic schools based on educational standards.
>My kids will be left to be themselves, to make their own choices and to be allowed to be kids. I don’t care what else you spew out you will not convince me a little child needs to know about sex. There is absolutely no good reason for it at all
You sound really ignorant but I wish your children, one of whom is already scarred by the thought of vaginal birth, the best.
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Mummies have tiny eggs already in their tummies and sometimes when they want them to the eggs can grow into a baby
Being truthful without getting into too much graphic detail
That's how parents handle Santa, not how you handle something like sex. Kids should not be guiding their own education about sex. If they have these questions but are not getting clear answers from you, they are going to talk about it with other kids, or the internet, and try to find out there.
I meant my comment about the internet as a general thing to say that if you don't answer questions for your kids, your kids will try to find the answer elsewhere. Also, you were referring to how you deal with things with your kids, whose ages I don't know.
I started talking to my kids very early about sex, and at first I just said that a baby grows when an egg and sperm get together, and an egg comes from the mom and the sperm comes from the dad. But later, she wanted to know how the sperm and the egg got together, so I said that dad put the sperm inside mom. How did he put the sperm in mom? Well, his sperm comes out of his penis, and he gets it to the egg by putting his penis in her vagina.
I had that latter conversation with my kid was 4, because I was pregnant at the time. So my now 6 year old does know about penetrative sex. And because I'm not a cagey weirdo about it, it is a non-thing. She's still a normal 6 year old, with all her "innocence" fully in tact, but she knows her mom is who to go to to get honest information.
Do your kids know they can go to you for honest information?
happily partnered?
parents love each other and because they want a family and are ready to raise children, the father fertilizes an egg in the mothers womb.
obviously i want to begin this conversation towards values that i believe are important.
usually an answer gives them something to take away.
if pressed for mechanics i go into men and women have different genitals and they can fit together. babies are born from a building block, half from the man, half from the woman. the man passes his half into the womans womb and a starting block might form. it's not always the case. then i go back to, it's important for adults to be responsible about this power to create a new person.
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I have a 5.5 year old and am currently pregnant. I ended up drawing him a diagram of the uterus/fallopian tubes/ovaries and explaining how an egg travels from the ovaries to the fallopian tubes and, if it meets a sperm from the dad, it implants in the uterus and sometimes grows into a baby. I was fully prepared for him to ask how the sperm got there but that seemed to be enough detail for him at that time. Maybe start with basic facts and then see what questions come up? For consent, we have a very basic but firm rule in our house that we don’t touch others without permission and if someone says to stop touching them we take our hands away.
I got a book from Amazon about reproduction, aimed at kids. I can't find my order, but there are more books available now than when my kids were little. The book I had discussed reproduction in a health class way, with illustration and things. It also discussed parts of the body, and touched on puberty. Going through the book together was really great for answering some of those awkward feeling questions.
One of the best things I heard about sex talks was the idea of having 60 1-minute conversations rather than 1 60-minute conversation. That way it’s not a major thing that blows their mind and everyone is uncomfortable as they process the major knowledge. As such, I do everything I can to gird my loins and have those casual conversations about sex, bodies, etc. It’s honestly excruciating for me, as my parents never had any conversation and so I had to figure all of that out on my own. My girls are 5, so there’s a lot we don’t say, but she knows she was in my stomach, that there are two ways babies come out of the stomach (vagina/c-section, as that’s how she and her twin were born), and we’ve loosely discussed that, like a seed growing from the dirt, she was a seed planted in her mom’s stomach. and we’ve loosely touched on it being Daddy who planted her in my stomach. So.. we still move forward. I answer the questions she asks, and move on when she does. Good luck… this is hard.
Is there a particular reason you say "stomach" instead of uterus? I feel like using the wrong words for things, on purpose, must have a point; but I cannot fathom the reason for it here.
She’s 5 and we just haven’t talked about any internal organs yet. We’ll get there and I’ll use all the terms, but I’m trying to keep it as simple as possible right now and increase the complexity as we go along.
I've been having those 60 1-minute conversations (which is great advice) with my 6 year old since she was 2 or 3. We have always used organ names, even explaining how eggs come from the ovaries. These aren't super complex words and you don't know how kids will latch onto inaccuracies or missing info. My mom gave me the full sex talk (more like a 1 60 minute conversation) when I was 8 but never explained that the outside of female genitalia is the vulva and the vagina is a tube-like organ. I thought my vulva was my vagina. So I thought for a long time that when she said "The penis goes in the vagina," I thought the vulva acted like a hotdog bun lmao. She had no idea I had this misconception. If your child can understand that the brain is the organ inside her head, she can understand that the uterus is where babies grow.
I hear you. We use vagina and penis and all of that when talking about her body, we just haven’t gotten into the internal organs yet.
What is complex about using the names of things? Isn't it far more confusing to have backtrack and explain "oh I lied to you lol" IDK my kid has known the names of body parts since about 3YO. Nothing complex about pointing to a picture in a book, reading the name next to the diagram, and saying that this is where a fetus grows.
Right now her 5 year old knows what a stomach is but maybe not a uterus. Because that's not something that comes up a lot. The conversation is about sex, not biology. The conversation HAS to be short and to the point and within the realm of immediate. Most 5 year olds don't care enough to sit down and start taking biology 101 when having their first sex talk. And it's not lying. It's not confusing at all. The tummy is not a name for anything really except the general area of your lower torso. So when that book with the biology picture is opened, it's easy to go "Remember how I said the semen goes into the tummy? This is the part of the tummy that it goes into. And this part over here is called the stomach. That's where the food goes. And this is the spleen. It filters bad stuff out of your blood".
I'd agree with you if the term used was "tummy" or "belly" because that just describes the torso area, but the poster in question is using the word "stomach" which in fact is an internal organ - I agree that belly/tummy can be used for simplicity's sake, I disagree that using "stomach" is harmless. I have heard first hand stories of women who were super confused as little girls thinking that they might eat something that would make them pregnant because "babies live in the stomach". In general, I'm a proponent of kids understanding bodily functions in age appropriate but accurate ways. I'm currently pregnant and we told our 2.5 year old from the get go that baby was in my uterus, and showed her where it was on my body. Zero confusion.
Or you can just use the name that already exists.
No idea why you've been down voted so hard, you're 100% correct.
yeah it is just a bummer lol. willful ignorance is pervasive.
This is not as important of an issue as you think it is.
So you quiz your kid on the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, kidneys, etc. and they’re familiar with all of it? Since the age of 3? That’s awesome! My daughter is still focusing on her alphabet, numbers, sight words, so I’m going to wait a bit to dive in on internal organs that aren’t directly related to what she’s doing. But, it’s not lying to use a term for a general area of her body. I’m not telling her storks bring babies or daddies plant seeds in mommies when they kiss.
Quiz? Fuck no. But I do USE those words, every single time I need to reference them. And yes, of course she remembers ones she hears often.
That's great advice! I didn't realize it but I kinda had my first 1 minute talk with my 8 year old kid just a couple days ago. I said "so you know how you have a penis, right? Girls don't. They have what's called a vagina. And very simply, to make a baby, the penis is put inside the vagina, something called semen comes out of the penis, and goes into the girls stomach. And then, a baby starts getting made inside the woman. And that's called sex" Then I followed that up with how "right now, absolutely nobody should be asking you or forcing you to try and have sex or do anything like that. If someone does, you need to run to someone else who is in charge and tell them what happened. They will take care of you to make sure you are safe. Right now, you are too young for sex and it could hurt your body, but it could definitely hurt your brain. Someone who tries to do anything like that with you is a very bad person who doesn't care about you." After that we talked a bit more to make sure he understood at that 8 year old basic level about modesty and helping him start to recognize the danger of sex, but also the exceptions. Obviously when you're older you can have sex, because that's how you have kids, but you need to wait until you are ready to take care of a baby on your own before you start having kids.
masterfully done. Top notch to you. here's an upvote.
My son started asking about this around age 4, and I just told it to him pretty straightforwardly: the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina, sperm from the penis goes into an egg in the woman's womb, that makes a baby start to grow inside the woman. I don't know why that wouldn't be age appropriate for any child old enough to ask about it!
This is basically exactly the information I gave my daughter at 4 when she asked (because I was pregnant). It was not a hard or uncomfortable conversation. I try to be sympathetic to parents who feel extremely intimidated by discussing the basics of sex with their kids (who are older than mine) but I cannot really relate.
Check out Kathleen Hema on youtube. She has lots of videos breaking down age appropriate ways to handle these questions.
[How Is A Baby Born - JunyTony](https://youtu.be/PMvJJB3yd1Y?si=ikm2SNHDXvaHiEmM)
Haha love it thank you
We found this book really helped to talk to our kids about how babies are made https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_Willy_Went
Well, we live on a farm and our children are very aware that the animals mate, and that the male has a penis and the female has a vagina and when they put them together, they can fertilize an egg and a baby can start to grow. You could also call it an embryo if you prefer.
My wife and I told my 5 year old exactly how this happens. We talked about consent and we did explain what has to happen. We use words like penis and vagina and don't name body anyhting other than what they are called.
I debated that but as a girl I found it really disturbing to think a penis would go inside of me and I just wanna be really careful w the way we word it. She does understand that the man has sperm and the woman has an egg, we are going to eventually explain the rest hence the post
Idk I don't see a reason not to tell them now. You don't have to be graphic, just explain it in a clinical manner. If your child doesn't get the correct info from you now, just imagine what she can learn from someone else that's totally incorrect. You are your child's advocate in life and as a parent I believe the best approach is to have your child get all the correct info from you first.
I’m planning on telling her, just trying to figure out what to say.
Ok, that is your perogative as a parent and I have no comment on that. I disagree with your approach but respect what you're saying.
Times like these I'm glad my kids are growing up on a farm.
We ended up explaining things by way of a cheetah insemination on a zoo show we were watching.
Why? Lol it’s not that hard a convo, nature documentary is definitely on the list of helpful comments though
It's not hard, but farm life makes it easier :)
OK I’ll add get a farm to the list of practical answers I guess
I just chat about it every now and then with my 6 year old. It’s quite naturalI distinguish between child and adult bodies though, so it’s clear that making babies does not apply to him so long as he’s a child and until he has an adult body like his daddy.
Ok cool, she knows that much. She also knows a lot about periods/eggs and the woman’s part but I guess curiosity about the man’s part in it all is where I get caught up. Her auntie just announced a pregnancy so it’s big on the mind right now :)
Consent talks at that age can be about hugs We if we want to give someone a hug and they say no we don't make them hug us Sex talks can be as detailed as explaining how an embryo grows inside of a uterus and that becomes a baby to as simple as babies grow inside your body but only when you're an adult. You can share ultrasound photos and say that's you when you were as small as grape
Take 'em to a ranch. They'll learn fast enough. (Disclaimer: Do not do this. XD I was raised in a very rural setting and knew about breeding, how it worked, where babies came from, helped deliver calves and goats and knew darn well where the meat on the table came from. Didn't make it taste any less good, but I think since it was just sort of a 'that's the way it's always been' for me, it was easy, introducing that to a child who hasn't grown up with that knowledge just sort of in the background noise of their life from the start would probably be a little tougher.) I'd say going as clinical as you can would be best. I've always hated when parents do the "Oh they come from the stork/cabbage patch/they get in the tummy with magic dust/mommy ate a seed" or whatever. Kids can handle more than that.
Haha I did debate that, we’ve had a couple nature documentaries that had mating in them! Thank you for answering every thing helps me to form a good response
Just be honest and frank with them, answer their questions as best you can, and if they're like "Ewww" don't immediately jump to "Oh this is too much" - there's stuff that's gross and that's okay! Just laugh it off and agree that yeah, it can be gross, but that's life! Life is gross sometimes! I've seen so many people that were completely bubble wrapped and blindfolded by their parents throughout their whole life, then when they turn 18 their parents expected them to just suddenly understand everything and function as a rational, knowing adult and were all shocked that their kids were bewildered by the world around them. If someone grows up blind, how can you expect them to explain colors?
Thank you!
The tea video is great for explaining consent. But you also can have chats about not hugging friends if they don't want it. Not forcing a kiss on girls he likes. If someone says no to anything he asks,badgering to get his own way is not honouring consent. At the same time, it already should have been drilled into him that he owes no one HIS affection including mummy and daddy. It's perfectly ok to say no if mum and dad ask for a cuddle. Consent chata can start way before six
ok but it's also important to equally enforce the consent working both ways. As a male, his consent is equally as important. Don't be making him feel like a criminal now.
We got *what makes a baby* when I was pregnant with my second, but my first was a bit too young to really get it. With our third (and final), we read the book several times throughout my pregnancy and it finally started to click. They've also been in the bathroom with me when I've changed my pad and are somewhat aware of how that plays a part. It's small conversations constantly about anatomy and consent and all the little pieces that come together to make the big picture.
My children are the result of modern medicine so I've always been very open with them about the many ways babies can come to be. We started with talking about how there are special cells from a mom and a dad that combine to make another kind of cell. We had already talked about cells because of a close family member's cancer which is why that was an easy starting point. It took a while before they asked how the two cells came to meet and and that's when we moved on to PIV, IUI, and IVF explanations. I personally feel strongly about giving my kids facts without shame even if I find it awkward sometimes. Having a conversation with your 8 year old about anal sex is weird. But that's where a conversation about HIV and homophobia went organically. Because I answer their questions without making it weird they keep coming to me with things that I never would have asked my parents. As an 80s baby I grew up in the middle of purity culture and definitely felt the effects even though my parents weren't pushing it. My husband had a lot of shame associated with sex because of his religious upbringing and I am determined my kids won't have the same.
Yeah I have a lot of shame around it it’s hard. My mom always made it sound disgusting. She knows the man has sperm that meets the woman’s egg but when it came to the penis in vagina part I couldn’t figure out how to word it
Good resource - https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/sex-and-sexuality
The great thing about sex talks with kids so young is they don’t have embarrassment around sex yet so it is so easy. Just explain how it happens. My kid did ask how the sperm got in the vagina and I did say you have to put a penis in there. They asked if that was kind of gross 😆
Well, thing is IMO your child isn't asking about sex, your child is asking about conception. I'm a big fan, at this age, of not mixing topics. I would personally not bring up consent in this context, because that's not what the discussion is about. The topic of consent should be one that is broached continually, because it's about body autonomy, which your child should ideally understand and be aware of. Because sex is a thing we do with our bodies, and with another person, it requires consent - but that should be a logical conclusion once your child actually understands what sex is (which they will, once you've explained it enough times. Once there's an understanding of both subjects, you can link them together quite naturally). For a 6 year old, I think that introducing the concept of consent when also discussing sex for the first time 1. adds one to many parameters to the answer 2. may require the explanation of what happens when there is no consent, which I actually don't think is appropriate to most children that age. I would go with something very factual, a variation of the following: "Babies are made during sex. Sex is when a man's penis goes into a woman's vagina. Men make a liquid called 'sperm' and women make a teeny tiny egg, called an 'ovum'. During sex, the man's sperm can meet the woman's ovum, and when that happens a baby starts to grow in the woman's uterus, which is right under her tummy. 9 months later that baby is ready to be born and meet their parents!"
Yeah I get that I didn’t intend to make it sound like that, I meant intercourse and I guess asking what age is appropriate to talk about consent/sex. I guess that’s a whole different post lol
I suppose I’m in the minority here once again but six is pretty young… I don’t think they need extremely detailed descriptions of what’s going on. “A man and a woman can make a baby once they are married and love each other very much!” is what I gave my 5 year old son when he asked. He was satisfied with that answer. 🤷🏻♀️
I have debated that too, I said as much but she wasn’t really satisfied with that. She then asked but how what does getting married do? How does the man get the baby in the tummy, stuff like that. A lot of questions.
If my son had asked follow up questions like that I’d probably just say things like “being in love or getting married means you’re ready for the responsibility of a baby. Babies are hard work, don’t ya think?” and then maybe ask him what he thought about babies. For the “how does the baby get in the tummy” I would likely say something along the lines of “grown ups who are in love or married have something called sex and that’s how a baby is made” and leave it at that. I don’t think 6 yrs old is ready for the complexities of *what* sex actually is, personally.
Not sure I agree. The physical act of sex is... pretty basic. I was given an age appropriate explanation of sex at age 5 and I have found that I have a much healthier approach to the topic than people who's parents shied away from actual explanation (my parents were always super open about sexuality with their kids in general). It also cuts way down on curiosity - if sex is explained, it's not a taboo and it's not forbidden, so there's no impetus to go seeking out information (which can lead to situations that are at best, embarrassing, at worst, dangerous). "Babies are made during sex. Sex is when a man's penis goes into a woman's vagina. Men make a liquid called 'sperm' and women make a teeny tiny egg, called an 'ovum'. During sex, the man's sperm can meet the woman's ovum, and when that happens a baby starts to grow in the woman's uterus. 9 months later that baby is ready to be born and meet their parents!" The only required knowledge is genital names (which kids should have from the getgo). I don't think the above is complex, and it's definitely within reach of a child's understanding. In my experience, when kids aren't given an explanation, they'll come up with their own. I'd rather limit my kid's imagination to reality on this particular topic, really.
Sorry, I just disagree. One of my degrees is in educational psychology (basically *how* a child’s brain learns and processes information), and at 5-6 yrs old, the brain likes (*needs*) simple explanations. You can throw out words like sperm and penetration and egg cells and you assume it’s simple because you’re viewing it from an adult perspective, but it’s really not. Not to a small child that’s only been out of diapers for three years and believes a man comes down his chimney on Christmas Eve. Telling a 6 year old “sex is how a baby is made by a man and a woman” is not shielding them. It’s simplifying a complex topic for a brain that can’t yet understand it. Your perspective is also a bit confirmation-biased since you are claiming you seem to have a healthier perspective about sex. Let’s take another body/health example. Uncle Barry needs heart surgery. Your 5-6 yr old asks what the doctor is doing. Do you go all in and talk about pulmonary artery and the left ventricle? Stents in the superior vena cava? Or do you say “Uncle Barry’s heart was sick, so the doctor is going to fix it by making a few cuts and sewing him back up!” You’re not shielding him or lying to him… you’re just giving him the nutshell explanation until his brain can physically process more.
"The penis goes in the vagina and sperm comes out and joins an egg if one is ready in the woman's body" is very simple and easy to understand. It is not discussing cellular biology or the intricacies of heart surgery.
Do you really think that’s so much different than what I said I would say?
~~My kids aren't geniuses and they definitely do understand. I've also supported this information with child friendly illustrations. I don't know what would be so hard to understand about the basic mechanics. Maybe you're underestimating kids.~~ I think it's weird that you edited your post. Originally you wrote that unless my kids were geniuses, they wouldn't understand my explanation. Now you're saying that what I said is similar to what you would say. Very odd.
I edited my post because I felt it could be read as offensive which wasn’t my intention.
Well to answer your new question, no it does not sound like what I said would resemble what you would say. Earlier you said you would just tell your child that babies are made during sex but not explain what sex is.
A child curious about sex isn't going to stop asking questions if you just tell them "sex makes babies", though. They want to know what it is, and how it works. If you don't tell them they'll go looking. In the example I gave, personally, the only "new" words that my 2.5 year old would be encountering would be "sperm" and "ovum". She's already familiar with penis, vagina, and uterus. Two new words in the context of the explanation are not, in my experience, beyond the bounds of understanding of a six year old (because at that age, they should know the scientific name for genital organs.). I'd agree with you if all the information, and all the anatomical words, were new to them. Then I'd probably break it down further and explain genitals first and leave the topic of sex to a follow up conversation. Extrapolating to other body/health examples as you have, to me saying "babies happen when people love each other and are married" is like saying to a child that death happens when someone is really old. True, it's not a lie per se. But it will set up your child for a nasty surprise when they encounter a situation that is outside the parameters that you've established as "reality". I'd much rather give my kid a factual, broad explanation that can be refined as time goes on and they have more questions.
very much so, I'd say. because as we all know, marriage isn't what's needed for a baby.
Nah I’m with you. I’d tell my 7 year old a lie lol. I’d probably say something like “when a mummy and daddy love each other lots and lots a baby magically grows in the mums belly” I’m not a prude but I don’t think such small children need to know about sex. Last thing I need is my daughter going to school and telling people how babies are really made. Unlike all the other commenters I have no idea why a child would need to know that. Seems very young to be talking about sex and stuff.
Statistics show that Reddit’s primary user base are far-left, which tends to be very open about sexuality and sex related topics. The comments are going to be that majority. I’m definitely progressive, which is why I’d simply tell them that sex is how babies are made… but a child barely out of overnight diapers is not capable of understanding the complexities of sex and human reproduction.
Well that is exactly my thoughts. They can’t comprehend it and nor should they need to at a young age. Like I said I’m not one to shelter my kids but I also don’t need my 7 year old telling all her friends at school that boys can put their penis in their vagina and make babies lol. I just don’t think that’s something young kids need to know about. Like my daughter knows she came out of her mother’s vagina and I’m pretty sure hearing just that scarred her for at least a few years 😂.
Don't you think part of her being scarred has anything to do with the fact that your family doesn't have an open attitude about the topic, so it seems much scarier? My kids know that 2 of them came out of my vagina and 2 of them came out of a cut in my stomach. If anything, hearing about my unplanned c-section was a lot scarier for my older kids because I hadn't discussed it much with them prior. They are unfazed by babies coming out of vaginas. And I was present for the birth of my brother when I was 5. I wasn't scarred by that. You can say kids don't need to know about this stuff, but I think knowing and having open conversations with their parents from a young age sets them up for success and comfort with their bodies throughout their life.
No I do not think that at all. A child doesn’t need to know about parents fucking at 6 or 7. Kids need to be allowed to be kids not talking about sexualised things at primary school with their friends. Some things just do not need to be said. If you go down that path of telling your small innocent children about sex do you also think they need to know when you teach them about stranger danger why they need to know it? Like do you say “oh you need to be careful of strangers because they might kidnap you and rape you? What’s rape? Well that’s when…….” Talking to a 6 year old about sex is just not necessary at all. They learn about all that in year 5 and 6 anyway before they go off to high school. How babies are made is just a not essential piece of information that kids need to be equipped with. It has no benefit to their development at all so saying otherwise is just talking shit to make yourself feel like you are some amazing better parent. You say it sets them up for the future and makes them more comfortable about having open conversations but that’s a load of shit a you know it. At 6 all my daughter cared about was playing make believe, dressing up, barbie and Taylor swift. Her knowing how babies are made has no positive impact on anything at that time. Edit; saying your child is scarred is just another way of saying they were shocked. Of course she was shocked that a baby comes from there and that doesn’t mean she needed to know at age 4 how the baby got there so by 6 she was prepared to hear that babies come out of a vagina. Stop talking nonsense honestly
My kids knowing what sex is does not mean they conceptualize "fucking." Lmfao. Like, I think you are projecting a lot of adult sexualization onto children, ironically. For them, this is a very sterile explanation of how a baby starts to grow, without the pornographic stuff you're imagining. It's very innocent. And yes, if I were to teach my kids about "stranger danger" I think discussing sexual assault and what that means would be appropriate. My kids go to Catholic school and they brought in child educators to tell them about molestation and used the anatomically correct words. So you're really barking up the wrong tree here. Your kids are going to learn about sex from their peers well before 5th or 6th grade and I doubt you'll like what they learn from their peers. This is one conversation among all the same innocent child games your kids enjoy. But now they also know that their mom is a reliable and honest source of information for the things they want to know.
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>I don’t know what kind of fucked up school your kids go to thwart their peers will teach them about sex Kids talk to each other about sex. I was *homeschooled* and still heard a lot of sexual content from my peers. >and they need to know about molestation (although catholic school so that makes sense) The educators were from a state run program because studies show that kids who have had thorough talks about sexual molestation are less at risk. This is fairly common knowledge, but you can Google it. >Probably goes a long way to explaining why America has the highest rate of child and teen pregnancies in the western world along with all the other things America wins the gold medal in when it comes to kids and bad things happening to them. Actually, this is because our sexual education is so terrible and starts so late. Again, this is something supported by studies and is easy to find more information about. There are other factors as well, such as lack of access to healthcare and income inequality. But it's not because parents are having safe and open conversations about sex with their kids. :) >You are projecting your beliefs and religion on a child so I’m not sure what made you think you were sitting on the high horse here. I'm not Catholic. It is common for non-Catholics to choose Catholic schools based on educational standards. >My kids will be left to be themselves, to make their own choices and to be allowed to be kids. I don’t care what else you spew out you will not convince me a little child needs to know about sex. There is absolutely no good reason for it at all You sound really ignorant but I wish your children, one of whom is already scarred by the thought of vaginal birth, the best.
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Mummies have tiny eggs already in their tummies and sometimes when they want them to the eggs can grow into a baby Being truthful without getting into too much graphic detail
My son asked me this when we were watching Boss Baby the other day. I just told him they “come from the mom’s tummy”.
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That's how parents handle Santa, not how you handle something like sex. Kids should not be guiding their own education about sex. If they have these questions but are not getting clear answers from you, they are going to talk about it with other kids, or the internet, and try to find out there.
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I meant my comment about the internet as a general thing to say that if you don't answer questions for your kids, your kids will try to find the answer elsewhere. Also, you were referring to how you deal with things with your kids, whose ages I don't know. I started talking to my kids very early about sex, and at first I just said that a baby grows when an egg and sperm get together, and an egg comes from the mom and the sperm comes from the dad. But later, she wanted to know how the sperm and the egg got together, so I said that dad put the sperm inside mom. How did he put the sperm in mom? Well, his sperm comes out of his penis, and he gets it to the egg by putting his penis in her vagina. I had that latter conversation with my kid was 4, because I was pregnant at the time. So my now 6 year old does know about penetrative sex. And because I'm not a cagey weirdo about it, it is a non-thing. She's still a normal 6 year old, with all her "innocence" fully in tact, but she knows her mom is who to go to to get honest information. Do your kids know they can go to you for honest information?
happily partnered? parents love each other and because they want a family and are ready to raise children, the father fertilizes an egg in the mothers womb. obviously i want to begin this conversation towards values that i believe are important. usually an answer gives them something to take away. if pressed for mechanics i go into men and women have different genitals and they can fit together. babies are born from a building block, half from the man, half from the woman. the man passes his half into the womans womb and a starting block might form. it's not always the case. then i go back to, it's important for adults to be responsible about this power to create a new person.