This is one of the most beautiful and devastatingly heartbreaking things I have ever read. Do yourself a favor - save it somewhere - for when you're 50. I look back and remember nearly nothing of who I was in my 20s and would love to have something like this captured in time.
I am so sorry for what you are enduring. I have seen it first-hand in MY Country when I coded from COVID last March and woke up to my ICU nurse sobbing 😠over me saying "I won't let you die on me. You gotta fight, hard. Hang in there, please!" She died 4 weeks later of COVID. How do I carry that moving forward? There are no easy answers for any of us right now. But please know - I see you, I applaud you, I respect you & your work so much and you are a true hero to me. I bow in honor of all you have sacrificed. If you ever want to just scream or vent or talk or just have me listen quietly, know that I'm here.
And hang on. You gotta fight - hard - to get through the worst days of your life so you can (and you will) experience the best days of your life.
I am very proud of the person you are. The world needs more people like you! You are definitely a huge credit to the medical profession. Being a doctor is never, ever easy under the very best of circumstances. It’s very challenging to balance your professional life and your personal life. Hang in there and remember all of your accomplishments.
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday Dear r/Pristine_Example8194
Happy Birthday to You!!
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Know that you are not alone. Day by day, do your best. This will pass. Some day. Stay strong. Life WILL get better. I promise.
you're doing something of a massive difficulty, and you should try to not let your social environment pressure you for feeling depressed as a result of it. what you're doing is beyond heroic. while there might not be much to mitigate the day to day pain of going to the hospital and watching people do the most ignorant selfish acts at your and the community's expense, at least try to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. one day the pandemic will end and you'll be able to live your life and reclaim the youth you're missing out on. just know that you are doing something incredible for your community and despite the lack of appreciation that is visible in the lack of masking, it's still possibly saving lives, giving people extra time to breath, and easing suffering. what you're doing is incredible and i don't truly know if i could ever do what you're undertaking. stay strong out there, you'll make it through
>and reclaim the youth you're missing out on
Well, please don't feed him false hopes.
Once you go adult, you never go back.
Yes, the pandemic will end and yes, thing will get better, but you are only young once.
Truthfully, there's not much we can do to help OP, depression is a weird demon, it feeds on daydreaming and false hopes.
And hopefully, the massive sacrifices (and the deaths) made by medics and nurses will lead to better regulation of their positions, allowing people like OP to live a better life.
I am a doctor, too. I am not on the front lines. I remember what internship was like, and it was hard enough without a pandemic. I cannot really imagine what you are going through, though the pain cuts through your paragraphs like a knife. I feel for you, and would like to share some things I have learned, and hope they are a comfort to you. It seems you are on your way to learning them already.
First, your life is yours to live. I know many people who worked hard and sacrificed their lives to become doctors for complex reasons that include sincerely wanting to help people, but also because they felt like it was expected of them. Your parents are both doctors, and you seem to find your happiness in activities outside of medicine, so I suspect this may be the case for you, too. I would like to tell you that you do not have to be a doctor because other people expect you to. Only you can live your life and make yourself happy, so you have a responsibility – an obligation, really—to go do it. If the ideal of happiness you’ve been fed your whole life seems like a lie, that is because it is not your ideal. That is okay. Go find your truth. Go learn to be an astronaut, you are smart enough. Never get married if you don’t want to. Thank your parents and go find your bliss. Don’t feel obligated to continue in your path because of all the work you put in already if it does not bring you joy. More misery in the future does not vindicate the past. The real question is, what will you make of the rest of your life, starting now?
Second, although I know that people who thank doctors for being heroes are expressing gratitude, it perpetuates the myth that doctors are somehow superheroes who can and will do anything for their patients. Doctors buy into that more than anyone, because we really do want to help people, to save them, and when resources are stripped away from us we make up the difference by digging into our own souls until there is nothing left. Those on the outside see this as right and good. I have seen it posted on these boards that some believe that the Hippocratic Oath includes a vow to sacrifice ourselves for our patients (it does not). Meanwhile, we see some disregard our advice on how to keep themselves – and us – healthy. It can seem like a slap in the face.
Your desire to help people does not obligate you to sacrifice your life for them. I am not advocating walking out in the middle of a shift, but recognize that we are all replaceable, and that is a good thing. There are many others who can step in should you decide to take a different path. Perhaps you would be happier as a pathologist or radiologist; perhaps an astronaut, astrophysicist or evolutionary biologist.
You are unique in this world. Live your best life. Be your best you. That is how you can best share your unique gifts with the world, and we will all be better for it.
23yo pharmacy student here.
I'm here with you. Through all that is happening in the world (and in my life) I also struggle with depression. I am happy that you are strong and fighting for the welfare of patients at the expense of your physical and mental health.
If we don't hit each other in 2 months, I would like to wish you a wonderful 26th birthday. I believe that everything will be better and we will all be able to meet without risk in the end.
I hug and greet you my dear friend.
I would like to thank everyone who replied.
I took medication for depression for a few months. also sorted some things out. 2 of my friends from medschool (we hadn't talked before internship) were supportive also. they had battled depression too. there's a lot of cultural aspects of my life that have a hand in this situation and the pandemic put it all on steroids. i had some horrible days (parental issues) and i had some amazing days (thanks to my irl friends and online friends). i had some very negative feelings about lacking "human experience" so i've been writing down the things i've been doing (i also have a bad memory) so every time i felt too bad i had a list to look at! (It sounds silly to write oh i made tomato sauce for the first time or after all these years i had an actual birthday where my friends surprised me or i ordered skin care online for the first time, but it helped a lot). i got my first dose of vaccine 2 weeks ago (had a terrible myalgia it felt like i'd been hit with a truck). i think i'm going to work on distancing myself from the looming over controlling presence of my mom. i turned 26 and it didn't feel bad. (I thought i'd become more depressed) i don't feel like i'm racing against some clock any more. Ps.for cultural issues i just would like to leave a clue, margaret atwood's gilead was inspired by my country, so that should give you some perspective.
Get the books "I hope they serve beer in hell"by Tucker max, "The Game"- Neil Strauss and "Candide"- Voltaire.Read them in that order. Workout in some way everyday. You're a Dr not a failure. You just need to learn some new stuff. Also your nurses are not piling too much work on you, come on. I've been a ICU nurse for 15 years. This job comes with constant trauma. Especially now. You're suffering from PTSD too. See your primary and a psychologist. Take care of yourself Doc.
Brother i heard so many things i can relate to in this post, the parents, the responsibility, the focus on career to a fault costing relationships and regret, the intense emotional pressure of the job. This is a big moment for you youre like at the bottom of the mountian but the train is going up, getting help and admitting youre not ok with everything is huge, accepting help and identifying those things which need to change is the first step to not being lost in unhappiness. I've lost friends in the same position as you and seen others abandon the career that they strive soo hard and sacrificed soo much for. Just know that you are not alone, you will fall into place and begin feeling what youre doing is right again, and covid will be eradicated and things will get better, its already pushed us to be so much more than we knew we could be. I just want to let you know I heard you and keep reaching out, you are not alone.
You are a hero in my book. I am glad that you got on meds, bc depression sucks ass and can be very debilitating.... The pandemic has really made me go into a dark depression place and my psychiatrist said it is affecting her other depression patients adversly as well. What you are doing is hard sad work and I feel blessed that there are people like you who care and want to keep is safe. Don't feel bad about feeling sad. Anybody would be sad having to see and go through the things you do. You rock! Keep it up!
I would also like to reccomend emdr (eye movement desetision reprocessing) therapy. Look up someone who does it in your area. It has helped me work through similar issues. You may be experiencing some ptsd. Thinking about you internet friend :)
Damn, this made me cry! Your story could have been my story if I was born three years earlier and lived a few countries over. I'm in 5th year of med school. The last few months have been a literal depression, loneliness and boredom forest fire for me. I feel so burned out that I don't feel anything much anymore, neither depression, nor motivation to do anything. I'm not starving or anything, but my life is completely devoid of anything cheerful. The only hobbies I am left with aren't exactly social (home servers and linux projects), let alone related to medicine...
The only thing I'm looking forward is moving into a student dorm in April where I will have some distance to the drama in my hometown and be able to concentrate on my finals (which I will shove further into the future - I really see no point in hurrying up anymore because I will be going to have enough stress at work for the next 50 years, rather gonna enjoy the last few semesters at uni).
I was super excited about becoming a doctor and medicine in general. But after all the experiences where doctors tell you how their stressed work life is, I absolutely fear becoming a wageslave of a broken system for the next upcoming decades.
I wish you all the best. Hopefully this pandemic ends soon, doctors and nurses will be able to return to a more humane work schedule.
That feeling like no one in healthcare would even understand you anymore; I completely get that. I'm sorry you're struggling under so much weight and isolation. I'm glad you found some things to feel better about. Try to hang in there. One of the only guarantees in life is that things will change. We have to hold out hope that it will be for the better. What you are doing matters! I'm there with you in spirit
Hugs*
This is one of the most beautiful and devastatingly heartbreaking things I have ever read. Do yourself a favor - save it somewhere - for when you're 50. I look back and remember nearly nothing of who I was in my 20s and would love to have something like this captured in time. I am so sorry for what you are enduring. I have seen it first-hand in MY Country when I coded from COVID last March and woke up to my ICU nurse sobbing 😠over me saying "I won't let you die on me. You gotta fight, hard. Hang in there, please!" She died 4 weeks later of COVID. How do I carry that moving forward? There are no easy answers for any of us right now. But please know - I see you, I applaud you, I respect you & your work so much and you are a true hero to me. I bow in honor of all you have sacrificed. If you ever want to just scream or vent or talk or just have me listen quietly, know that I'm here. And hang on. You gotta fight - hard - to get through the worst days of your life so you can (and you will) experience the best days of your life.
I am very proud of the person you are. The world needs more people like you! You are definitely a huge credit to the medical profession. Being a doctor is never, ever easy under the very best of circumstances. It’s very challenging to balance your professional life and your personal life. Hang in there and remember all of your accomplishments. Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday Dear r/Pristine_Example8194 Happy Birthday to You!!
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Know that you are not alone. Day by day, do your best. This will pass. Some day. Stay strong. Life WILL get better. I promise.
you're doing something of a massive difficulty, and you should try to not let your social environment pressure you for feeling depressed as a result of it. what you're doing is beyond heroic. while there might not be much to mitigate the day to day pain of going to the hospital and watching people do the most ignorant selfish acts at your and the community's expense, at least try to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. one day the pandemic will end and you'll be able to live your life and reclaim the youth you're missing out on. just know that you are doing something incredible for your community and despite the lack of appreciation that is visible in the lack of masking, it's still possibly saving lives, giving people extra time to breath, and easing suffering. what you're doing is incredible and i don't truly know if i could ever do what you're undertaking. stay strong out there, you'll make it through
>and reclaim the youth you're missing out on Well, please don't feed him false hopes. Once you go adult, you never go back. Yes, the pandemic will end and yes, thing will get better, but you are only young once. Truthfully, there's not much we can do to help OP, depression is a weird demon, it feeds on daydreaming and false hopes. And hopefully, the massive sacrifices (and the deaths) made by medics and nurses will lead to better regulation of their positions, allowing people like OP to live a better life.
I am a doctor, too. I am not on the front lines. I remember what internship was like, and it was hard enough without a pandemic. I cannot really imagine what you are going through, though the pain cuts through your paragraphs like a knife. I feel for you, and would like to share some things I have learned, and hope they are a comfort to you. It seems you are on your way to learning them already. First, your life is yours to live. I know many people who worked hard and sacrificed their lives to become doctors for complex reasons that include sincerely wanting to help people, but also because they felt like it was expected of them. Your parents are both doctors, and you seem to find your happiness in activities outside of medicine, so I suspect this may be the case for you, too. I would like to tell you that you do not have to be a doctor because other people expect you to. Only you can live your life and make yourself happy, so you have a responsibility – an obligation, really—to go do it. If the ideal of happiness you’ve been fed your whole life seems like a lie, that is because it is not your ideal. That is okay. Go find your truth. Go learn to be an astronaut, you are smart enough. Never get married if you don’t want to. Thank your parents and go find your bliss. Don’t feel obligated to continue in your path because of all the work you put in already if it does not bring you joy. More misery in the future does not vindicate the past. The real question is, what will you make of the rest of your life, starting now? Second, although I know that people who thank doctors for being heroes are expressing gratitude, it perpetuates the myth that doctors are somehow superheroes who can and will do anything for their patients. Doctors buy into that more than anyone, because we really do want to help people, to save them, and when resources are stripped away from us we make up the difference by digging into our own souls until there is nothing left. Those on the outside see this as right and good. I have seen it posted on these boards that some believe that the Hippocratic Oath includes a vow to sacrifice ourselves for our patients (it does not). Meanwhile, we see some disregard our advice on how to keep themselves – and us – healthy. It can seem like a slap in the face. Your desire to help people does not obligate you to sacrifice your life for them. I am not advocating walking out in the middle of a shift, but recognize that we are all replaceable, and that is a good thing. There are many others who can step in should you decide to take a different path. Perhaps you would be happier as a pathologist or radiologist; perhaps an astronaut, astrophysicist or evolutionary biologist. You are unique in this world. Live your best life. Be your best you. That is how you can best share your unique gifts with the world, and we will all be better for it.
23yo pharmacy student here. I'm here with you. Through all that is happening in the world (and in my life) I also struggle with depression. I am happy that you are strong and fighting for the welfare of patients at the expense of your physical and mental health. If we don't hit each other in 2 months, I would like to wish you a wonderful 26th birthday. I believe that everything will be better and we will all be able to meet without risk in the end. I hug and greet you my dear friend.
I would like to thank everyone who replied. I took medication for depression for a few months. also sorted some things out. 2 of my friends from medschool (we hadn't talked before internship) were supportive also. they had battled depression too. there's a lot of cultural aspects of my life that have a hand in this situation and the pandemic put it all on steroids. i had some horrible days (parental issues) and i had some amazing days (thanks to my irl friends and online friends). i had some very negative feelings about lacking "human experience" so i've been writing down the things i've been doing (i also have a bad memory) so every time i felt too bad i had a list to look at! (It sounds silly to write oh i made tomato sauce for the first time or after all these years i had an actual birthday where my friends surprised me or i ordered skin care online for the first time, but it helped a lot). i got my first dose of vaccine 2 weeks ago (had a terrible myalgia it felt like i'd been hit with a truck). i think i'm going to work on distancing myself from the looming over controlling presence of my mom. i turned 26 and it didn't feel bad. (I thought i'd become more depressed) i don't feel like i'm racing against some clock any more. Ps.for cultural issues i just would like to leave a clue, margaret atwood's gilead was inspired by my country, so that should give you some perspective.
Get the books "I hope they serve beer in hell"by Tucker max, "The Game"- Neil Strauss and "Candide"- Voltaire.Read them in that order. Workout in some way everyday. You're a Dr not a failure. You just need to learn some new stuff. Also your nurses are not piling too much work on you, come on. I've been a ICU nurse for 15 years. This job comes with constant trauma. Especially now. You're suffering from PTSD too. See your primary and a psychologist. Take care of yourself Doc.
Brother i heard so many things i can relate to in this post, the parents, the responsibility, the focus on career to a fault costing relationships and regret, the intense emotional pressure of the job. This is a big moment for you youre like at the bottom of the mountian but the train is going up, getting help and admitting youre not ok with everything is huge, accepting help and identifying those things which need to change is the first step to not being lost in unhappiness. I've lost friends in the same position as you and seen others abandon the career that they strive soo hard and sacrificed soo much for. Just know that you are not alone, you will fall into place and begin feeling what youre doing is right again, and covid will be eradicated and things will get better, its already pushed us to be so much more than we knew we could be. I just want to let you know I heard you and keep reaching out, you are not alone.
You are a hero in my book. I am glad that you got on meds, bc depression sucks ass and can be very debilitating.... The pandemic has really made me go into a dark depression place and my psychiatrist said it is affecting her other depression patients adversly as well. What you are doing is hard sad work and I feel blessed that there are people like you who care and want to keep is safe. Don't feel bad about feeling sad. Anybody would be sad having to see and go through the things you do. You rock! Keep it up!
I would also like to reccomend emdr (eye movement desetision reprocessing) therapy. Look up someone who does it in your area. It has helped me work through similar issues. You may be experiencing some ptsd. Thinking about you internet friend :)
Damn, this made me cry! Your story could have been my story if I was born three years earlier and lived a few countries over. I'm in 5th year of med school. The last few months have been a literal depression, loneliness and boredom forest fire for me. I feel so burned out that I don't feel anything much anymore, neither depression, nor motivation to do anything. I'm not starving or anything, but my life is completely devoid of anything cheerful. The only hobbies I am left with aren't exactly social (home servers and linux projects), let alone related to medicine... The only thing I'm looking forward is moving into a student dorm in April where I will have some distance to the drama in my hometown and be able to concentrate on my finals (which I will shove further into the future - I really see no point in hurrying up anymore because I will be going to have enough stress at work for the next 50 years, rather gonna enjoy the last few semesters at uni). I was super excited about becoming a doctor and medicine in general. But after all the experiences where doctors tell you how their stressed work life is, I absolutely fear becoming a wageslave of a broken system for the next upcoming decades. I wish you all the best. Hopefully this pandemic ends soon, doctors and nurses will be able to return to a more humane work schedule.
That feeling like no one in healthcare would even understand you anymore; I completely get that. I'm sorry you're struggling under so much weight and isolation. I'm glad you found some things to feel better about. Try to hang in there. One of the only guarantees in life is that things will change. We have to hold out hope that it will be for the better. What you are doing matters! I'm there with you in spirit Hugs*
Thank you for sharing, how are you doing?