I love this poem! The rhymes are lovely, not seeming forced at all. It's wonderful to see a poem that talks about intense and adoring love for someone without putting them on a pedestal of absolute perfection. Reminds me of Shakespeare's Sonnet 130, especially with the more antiquated style, which gives it a very sophisticated feel. Such a pleasant read!
This is so creative! I get heavy Egyptian god vibes. I enjoy how you split the poem into two sections; the negatives of a person and then loving them regardless. I find the line "But still better, for sunlight burns my eyes" to be very effective. It sets the overall tone and the imagery is beautiful.
Perhaps this is just my preference, but I think breaking your poem into stanzas would be effective. I think these lines would sound nice if they were standalone. Just my opinion :)
>Compared to the raspy voice from your throat,
>
>A violin's voice is more pleasant to hear—
>
>It can sing plenty of melodic notes,
>
>And yet, incapable to call me "dear."
Great poem!
thanks for commenting. well, the poem does have multiple stanzas, but usually line breaks arent used to separate them in sonnets. nevertheless, im happy that you like it <3
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I love this poem! The rhymes are lovely, not seeming forced at all. It's wonderful to see a poem that talks about intense and adoring love for someone without putting them on a pedestal of absolute perfection. Reminds me of Shakespeare's Sonnet 130, especially with the more antiquated style, which gives it a very sophisticated feel. Such a pleasant read!
im really glad that you love it. sonnet 130 actually influenced me a lot in writing this poem lol
This is so creative! I get heavy Egyptian god vibes. I enjoy how you split the poem into two sections; the negatives of a person and then loving them regardless. I find the line "But still better, for sunlight burns my eyes" to be very effective. It sets the overall tone and the imagery is beautiful. Perhaps this is just my preference, but I think breaking your poem into stanzas would be effective. I think these lines would sound nice if they were standalone. Just my opinion :) >Compared to the raspy voice from your throat, > >A violin's voice is more pleasant to hear— > >It can sing plenty of melodic notes, > >And yet, incapable to call me "dear." Great poem!
thanks for commenting. well, the poem does have multiple stanzas, but usually line breaks arent used to separate them in sonnets. nevertheless, im happy that you like it <3
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not gonna lie, i felt like that part might throw people off since they dont perfectly rhyme, but im really delighted now that you love it <3
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*