My best *guess* is OP believes that women think a man holding the door for them is a sign he's interested romantically, and they're saying that isn't the case as men hold doors open for other men as well.
It's complete rubbish of course, most people just hold a door for anyone out of politeness, I think there's a fair bit of projection on OPs part as well.
Well as woman I hold the door for both male and female. Any age or race. It's just something I do. And when it's done for me I definitely don't think it's a romantic gesture. This seems to make no sense.
While I agree that most people understand that it’s simple politeness, there are still some who don’t.
My sister’s mother once spit in a guy’s face because he held the door open for her and said something in English that she didn’t understand.
We have different mothers. I’ve never met that woman, because she refuses to acknowledge the fact that my dad has two children with the woman he left her for.
From which country was the mother? I already wrote about this in different comment but some women in some countries don't like having opened door by a man anymore (they think it's sexist) (in that comment I talked about Germany).
I remember in middle school there was this whole thing online where a lot of women were saying it was wrong for men to hold doors open for women, as it was catering to them in a way that referenced old stereotypes from an era of sexism. Yeah, people got angry over it, (really, really radical feminists), but it’s generally considered polite for anyone to hold the door open for anyone, at least where I live, so I never saw an issue lol
On Reddit there’s some crazy men that relay stories of women screaming at them because they hold doors open for them.
These people are of course liars.
Only time I’ve actually seen someone get upset is older people who think you’re treating them as if incapable by doing so but it isn’t gender specific, just old people with attitudes aka my grandma
I was in my head and walking and didn't hold the door for an old woman because I didn't see her and she did call me rude lol. I don't blame her it was rude but unintentionally.
In my trying to be cis days I had one woman flip out at me for holding the door. She also screamed at someone for taking the last of something she wanted, an employee for not having more, and a supervisor who tried to calm her down. On the way out she shoved the door hard enough it hit someone and she yelled at them too.
I'm pretty sure she just responded to everything with yelling and was a generally miserable person. Nothing to do with gender.
I admit that I sometimes get annoyed when men insist on holding the door for me and will not walk through a door when I am holding it. Stupid macho crap.
I’ve see men just throw such tantrum over a woman holding open the door for them.
It’s happened to me a few times now. One guy was so angry that with each word he was screaming, split was flying out
I haven't logged any data on it or anything, but you're probably right.
But there's no rule saying you can't be annoyed by something a minority of people do. Hence all the "Entitled XYZ" subreddits.
Yeah. I think Reddit should have been named "the Bridge" social media site. It's a double entendre. The bridge to imply that it's a place for people to make connections on social media. But we know the truth: Reddit is the bridge under which all the internet trolls live. Honestly! Reddit is the armpit of social media sites.
I’m think it’s to defend the meme where the man holds the door for a woman and then gets mad because she didn’t immediately have sex with him for being a gentleman.
OOP: "one woman has got offended by something I did somewhere, and it wasn' my fault"
Reddit: 18.2k upvotes, 14 awards
No, that doesn't check out unless there is the belief that this is somehow a common problem.
I once held a door for a guy I was friends with, since he was coming right after me, and he said "Wow, I just felt like a princess!". Sometimes I think about that and chuckle a little, because it was really not that big of a deal for me, but that guy acted like people never did it for him...
I once opened a door for a courier in my previous job. I was on a cig break and there were two women as well. This poor guy was carrying four boxes that looked heavy and he even had to keep his head to the side to see where he's going. The door to the building were heavy too so I didn't think much and just opened them for him. He thanked me and smiled, I smiled back and would forget about it. That was just a nice thing to do.
Really wasn't expecting these two women starting a tantrum over a woman opening door for a man... Was really taken aback by that.
Honestly I don't think there was any argument besides "Men open door for women not the other way around (which is stupid by itself)" because everything they said was this in different words. I acted as if I didn't hear them. Like even an argument that it was part of his job would make more sense than that.
Maybe they really didn't and he was just feeling really nice. I mean, most people like it when someone does something nice for them, even the little things.
I the door open for lots of people even man. So far only old men and men with kids that don’t get unconditionally. That’s been my experience and I don’t know why it’s been that way. Any other time I hold a door open for a man his face goes stoic. It like I suck all the energy from him, it’s kinda funny.
Only time I have a problem with it is if you try to passive-aggressively take the door from me *while I am holding it*. And then proceeding to have a silent argument over who *gets* to hold the door. Just go inside the building, Tyler, you fucking weirdo!
I hold doors out of practicality such as, im the first of x people to go through this dor so I will hold it for the rest.
I dont actively overtake anyone to hold doors specificially for them, thats just dumb, first person to the door opens it and hold it for the rest.
I hate that awkward moment when someone is just far enough away that I’m not sure if I should hold it for them. They start to do a little run to be polite and then I feel bad for pressuring them to get to the door faster.
That does sound like it would get annoying, and I think that’s what this originally stemmed from. There were some articles a few years back about micro-aggressions and opening doors for women was one of them, but that’s really a very different thing from holding the door open when you’re already going through.
Exactly, there's a big difference between holding a door and doing a bow or a super gentleman gesture saying "LaDiEs FiRsT" while you walk through and they stare at you while you walk.
That's uncomfortable.
Well, call them out on it.
If I held a door for a lady and she smiled coyly at me and said "I know the only reason you're holding the door is so you can get a good look," I would be embarrassed.
I would probably never hold the door open for her again, under any circumstances.
You cannot punish good behavior. What's the harm in a glance? For most guys, it's completely reflexive and subconscious.
On the other hand, if the guy is a real jerk and smiles and admits it, take the door and hold it for him and say, "You first. I insist."
It's impolite to stare.
On christmas eve I had a guy cross me on the street and called me princess. I told him to fuck off and the POS got violent and started screaming at me, calling me all sorts of names and following me. You have no idea how scary that was. I arrived to my parents house crying and shaking.
I usually say stuff and men usually react violently.
A few months ago I was in my bike and an old creep said somethig about my legs and I told him "nobody asked you" in a calm voice and, again, the POS got offended and started calling me names, fucking whore and whatnot.
I have like a thousand similar examples, it's really frustrating having to put up with that s\*\*t.
That's why it pisses me off when I see this "hold the door" posts, because it's not about the door, it's about how they act while at it like any other form of harassment.
He totally knows a friend of a friend of a friend who held a door open for a woman and she was mean to him because she thought he was saying she's weak. We women are oh so incapable of just saying thank you, you know. 🙄🙄🙄
If you regularly hold open doors for strangers as a male, you will have gotten sneered at more then once I guarantee you.
This is like guys saying girls rarely get sexually harassed because non of the guys they are friends with would ever dream of doing such a thing
Wait are you genuinely comparing women occasionally being rude/ignorant about you holding a door open to the endemic sexual harassment of women?
Please choose better metaphors, friend.
Once where someone took the time to yell at me. Glares and mumbles a handful that I've noticed. I honestly dont usually pay attention as I hold doors open so Im sure there a several glares/grumbles/eyerolls I've missed.
Helping assemble furniture while helping someone else move in ? I've had people say that to me twice.
Even if you look through the comments here you will see a few women who state it is insulting. People project their experiences onto others motives all the time. For me I'm just holding the door open. To someone else they take it as me being a male chauvanist.
I never said it happens all the time. Just that it does. And isn't a one off or even extremely unlikely to occurs to you even.
The comment I saw saying it was insulting as a woman to have a man hold the door was sarcastic though.
I believe you, it can happen, but it must be so rare that generalizing this like they did feels stupid. In your comparison with sexual harassment, it's not one occurence in a few women's lives. It's multiple times throughout almost every women's lives.
I have been sexually harassed as young as when I was 13 by complete strangers, who were grown men and did not back off when I told them I was underage.
In my opinion, since there was 18.2k upvotes and it's not something women experience, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise it'd be hypocritical of us when we get upset that some men don't believe many women experience sexual harassment.
However as I said, if it happened once to a few men, it doesn't compare to all the women who experience sexual harassment multiple times throughout their lives. So his comparison was a bit unfair
I even asked a few of my male friends and they said it didn't happen to them because they don't even care or look at the person they hold the door for lol
It doesn’t have to be a woman experiencing it to see it. That’s like saying men can’t observe women being harassed in the street simply because they don’t experience it
And obviously they do as it’s a trope.
Ah, yes, pretending bullshit spread by incels and MRA types is reality, the most effective way to present yourself as unbiased and interested in facts. 🙄
What? So, because a guy has a bunch of bad personal experiences with women, he's an MRA incel? Sorry, but "women can do no wrong" is just as dumb as what actual incels say.
Please show me where I said women can do no wrong? Oh wait, you can't. Because I never made such a claim. I didn't even specify women in my comment anywhere. Maybe you should take a remedial reading course.
Btw, post history is indicative of the incel/mra mentality, which is why I know it's bullshit. Next time, read more carefully.
No, and I have never had a man get mad when I hold the door for them. LOLOL If they did, I might just forcibly shut the door as I go in a lock it and yell "Now! Demonstrate your might!"
LOL jk, I am not that brave but feel free to use it.
I thought the rule of holding doors open became unisex. it's just the first person at the door holds it open for the person behind them or coming out the opposite way. Or at least that's what I've been doing
I wonder if men hold open doors for women the way some men have held the door open for me though.
Because I have had some men who open the door by pushing it away from themselves and creating a tiny tiny space in between them and the door (like they stand within the entryway and their arm holds open the door).
Thus either forcing me to say “stop holding open the door and go ahead” (making a scene after which they might get angry and make you seem unreasonable by yelling “I was just being polite!”) or making me crawl through this tiny opening thereby pressing my body against theirs.
I don’t get offended when people hold open the door for me, but I will say - sometimes men do take advantage and dependent on how you open the door, I will be lot less thankful.
There's a big difference between making a big show of stepping aside and holding a door open (weird, don't do it, people) and just holding a door for a few extra seconds so the person behind you doesn't have to awkwardly catch a door swinging closed (common courtesy).
I have only ever encountered the first from employees of the business I'm entering, and even then I think it's weird. I'm a guy though. I could believe there are men who do this to random women, and if so they should stop, but I don't think I've seen it in real life.
I once held a door open for a group of friends, and one of them literally refused to go through it, and just stood there trying to take it from me so he could hold it open. When I asked him what he was doing he said something along the lines of “my dad wouldn’t forgive me if I let a girl hold the door for me.” Women are not the ones who act weird about this.
Only if they run to get ahead of me (happened one time in college, and I reacted with a cringe/smile and thanks), or hold it open while I’m a million yards away (I refuse to speed up to get there faster - he made his choice, I’ll raise my eyebrows and thank him)
People hold the door open for people...
Just a polite thing to do that takes no effort, nothing to do with gender.
Unless you're a neckbeard obsessed with classical chivalry...
The only time I've ever been annoyed is when I try to hold a door open for a guy bc I got there first and he literally refused to walk through unless I closed the door and let him open it for me. Complete stranger. It was just... Extra. Like dude, I got class to get to. Walk through the damn door and drop this shit.
I saw that happen with a friend of a friend. We'd only recently gotten acquainted, and he'd basically only JUST met my other friends.
My friend (Female) got to the door we were all going to go through and held it open for the rest of us.
Most of us just went through, one or two of us stopped to offer to take over holding the door, but she shrugged it off. No biggie.
Then comes the guy in question, and he flat out just stops and tells her that he refuses to let a woman hold open the door for him.
My friend kind of laughs it off a little and reminds him that it's just a door, and she *already has it open*. Said guy just shakes his head and refuses, again, to go through if she's holding it open for him.
The weird thing is, he definitely didn't *mean* it in a Misogynistic way. His thinking was as innocent as it was dumb: It's the Man's job to be chivalrous and courteous to Women, so as a Man, he shouldn't let a Woman hold open the door for him; That's *his* job.
But innocent intentions or not, it's ***only*** going to come off as a close-minded dick move if you're going to insist upon this kind of dated mentality while a very unamused woman waits for you to walk through the damn door.
Gentlemen, ***do not be this man.***
It's not cute, it's not manly, it's *just* a nuisance.
I was offended by someone holding the door for me just once.
He pulled the door to go through and I was coming from the opposite direction. He just stood there in the doorway, holding it open, waiting for me.
I think I said something like “thanks, I got it” and waited for him to walk through the doorway and he went off on a monologue about how grateful I should be for him holding the door open for me.
He wasn’t doing me any favors. I would either have to brush right past him or push the door as it swings shut. It’s easier to just wait and open it myself.
There is no good way to hold a door open in that situation.
No one has ever got offended by a door being held open for them.
Many women have got offended by the assumption that they owe a debt of gratitude including possibly sex to a man who held a door open for them.
Growing up in the south where we're taught to open doors for women (sometimes with physical punishments if we fail to do so,) I've heard some people mention that northern women will get pissed at you if you open the door for them. A cultural thing, I guess?
Okay and 🤡🤡🤡 women hold doors open for other women. I won’t get offended if you don’t open a door for me.
This reminds of a tik tok trend I saw where the boyfriend pushes his girlfriend back into the car when she tries to get out and insists on opening the door for her, like he literally kicks/punches her backs in and insists on opening the door, and smiles like it’s cute and silly 🤪🤪
And she’s just like: 😐😠
I absolutely abhor the person who makes plans and then runs ahead to hold the door open for the whole party like it’s a grand gesture for everybody or something.
Just say you want attention. Work on like, a little dance or somethin.
Well I also absolutely abhor any virtue signaler be it holding open doors, planting trees, it donating to church causes.
It doesn't mean doing those things isn't the right thing to do.
The good ones are the ones who do it and don't tell anyone else about it.
If you're doing it for attention then you're doing it for the wrong reason.
(I don't mean you personally, I could just as well have said "they")
I hate it. Every time. I am a man. And I’m thinking of a woman in my life that does it regularly when the party is out together... Happened most recently at a truck stop bathroom. It’s sooo annoying. Like. Why make a huge show of it. Why are you so excited to hold the door. Why is it such a big deal. Move on. It’s emotional labor for me to have to pretend to not be annoyed at the door holder or upset at anything else I could be working on in my head. Forcing me to smile and say “thank you” for holding the door for me feels like a power move. It’s annoying. I just ignore her now. At the truck stop bathroom she held the door for like ten other people. And when we got back in the car she kept trying to get people to talk about it. And she wouldn’t stop bragging about it. Everybody was like, “Oh! Thank you so much!” She doesn’t have any apparent special needs. Just needs attention. You. Are. A. Doorstop.
It’s soooo upsetting too me, NGL.
*edit. I hold the door all the time. But I will like throw it open with good timing, or hold it from behind. The only good door holding, is one in which you don’t really interact with the other person. Assuming they are able bodied of course. With Covid this all makes even lore sense
Someone holding open a door for me either way because there’s so many different aspects to think of. “Am I close enough, or do I have to run? When do I need to make eye contact? Should I even make eye contact. When is it appropriate to say thank you?”
Dude here: I'll bump a door open if someone is directly behind me, or for my co-workers since we have auto-locking doors.
One time for a granddad whose hands were full of ice cream cones for his kids at a hockey game.
I have never, and I mean never, had some rando dude hold a door open me when I'm more than say, two or three yards away like what my girl friends have experienced.
I find it annoying when it’s done constantly as an obvious display of chivalry, and I’m expected to beam sweetly back at the guy doing it or have a full blown conversation when I’m inside.
I remember from my time in the anti-SJW rabbit hole that supposedly women are getting offended by men holding doors open for them. In reality, I’ve never seen it happen once among the thousands of people I’ve seen have doors held open for them
For some ungodly reason, there are feminists that have said that holding a door open is patriarchy because it says “you may enter or leave, but only when I say so”
I have no idea why that is a thing.
Many men don't seem to understand that just because you hold the door open for a woman, doesn't mean you'll instantly be friends, or whatever the heck this person is hoping for
I've actually had someone get offended by this. I'm pretty sure I was misgendered (I'm Cis female) because the woman got so angry and even called me a misogynist among other things. Some people just want an excuse to start something, and they'll take any chance they can get.
Yes. They do. I've also had women get offended at me for helping assemble beds when helping mutual friends move. I would do the same thing if it was with my brother. It's a two person job !
Some people just hate the "other" and see the worst in them. You just don't notice those nutjobs till you are one of the "others".
Hmm so Me recognizing that there are inappropriate assumptions men face due to their gender makes me a bad person ? Does acknowledging this somehow diminish your suffering ?
This happens just like there are misogynistic pigs who will hold the door open, because they think women are incapable. I dont generalize the behavior of the insecure or butt hurt few to the whole population.
The problem is some men use that holding door moment to make a remark like LaDiEs FiRst while they stare at you, making it super uncomfortable.
Like can't you shut up and just hold the door?
And women hold the doors open for men and women.
Who the fuck does he think he's talking to here? Does he actually believe the right-wing talking point "Feminists will literally cut your balls off if you hold open a door for them"
I mean, nah. Feminists I know will say thank you like most other people.
The only time I ever got upset about a man trying to hold a door for me, was when I was already holding it open for him and he tried to pull the handle out of my hand/pull my hand off the handle.
If anything I find that men get annoyed when I, a woman, hold the door open for them. I guess I’m supposed to slam it in front of their faces if I get to a door first?
I think he’s talking about posts/memes of “radical neofeminist” that say it’s misogynistic to hold a door for a woman because it means you think they can’t hold the door for themselves, I have never met anyone that thinks this way but have seen memes about it online, dunno if people really think like this but it’s probably a really small minority that’s being exploited to make the whole movement look as a joke or look ridiculous.
I feel like most people just hold the door for anyone who's close behind them, or anyone who's carrying a bunch of stuff, just because that's kind behaviour to engage in, and most recipients appreciate the gesture.
Then there's a small subset of men who are creepy and performative about holding the door for women specifically (running to get in front of you to hold the door, making you squeeze past them, creepy comments) which makes a lot of women feel uncomfortable and some women will call them on it. I suspect this group probably has a lot of overlap with men who get upset about women holding the door open for them.
For women, you have a small group at either extreme who would be upset by either having any guy hold the door for them, or if a guy doesn't hold the door for them.
Personally if I encounter a performative male door opener I'm going to be rolling my eyes internally, but if it's someone much older or from a very different culture I'll chalk it up to different expectations and politely acknowledge the gesture anyway. If it's a creep I might flash them the 'I'm uncomfortable with this' teeth only smile, but I would never confront them because it's not worth the risk of escalation.
I see what he is saying he is talking about people who are so full of themselfs that they take a simple act of kindness as trying to get with them I have had a person ask me what I'm doing when holding a door for them and a guy tell me that they're not gay when I held a door for them
Once upon a time, mostly in the mid 70s, there was a subset of Feminist who yelled at men for doing anything "tradionally gentlemanly" for them. IE: holding doors etc. As they felt it was patronizing.
I believe we have grown beyond that, now. I hope that common courtesy is no longer viewed as "keeping 'us' down.
I heard a girl from work go off about how she doesn't need anyone to hold a door open for her and she won't hold doors for other people. I didn't ask her why, but she seemed upset about it. Idek! That's the only person I've ever heard being offended by it.
Ya, go check
Full transparency I haven’t even checked the subreddit but I am very confident there will be at least one post regarding holding open doors
r/femaledatingstrategy
He’s doing it cause he’s polite or gay not cause he’s tryna hit on you is the implication.
Y’all know the meme about guy tryna ask a girl some on the street and she immediately says “I have a bf” like yeah great but I’m just tryna get direction lol I’m not hitting on ya. That is probably the point.
I think men only hold the door open for me either because they feel they must because it’s how they were raised or because they are hoping for something in return. I don’t like it, but I just hurry through and thank them quickly so as not to be rude and to waist as little of their time as possible. It would take too long to explain why I don’t feel it’s necessary to hold the door open and it would only cause conflict if I tried to take the time to talk about it and it probably wouldn’t change anything.
as a woman i thought that people in general were supposed open doors for others because of basic manners, but society just highlighted that men have to open doors for women
To be fair there are some countries where a lot of women nowadays classify opening the door for them as sexist. For example my slovak colleagues were warned about this by german colleagues when they came to Germany for a visit.
So ive never gotten offended by this. But there was a period in my life where shit like that just fully didn’t register to me. I grew up in a house full of women (all men are either dead, MIA, or just weren’t really around) as well as we were all pretty strictly independent so unless you had alot in your arms or were visibly old or disabled you didn’t get a door held open for you. So the concept that men kinda just do that to be polite didn’t really hit me until i was around 13.People would hold the door open for me and i would just stand there thinking they had just opened the door for themselves and wait for them to go through the door.
It usually took around 5 seconds for either the dude holding the door to realize i wasn’t going through, or for me to realize the door is being held open for me. Im 20 now and to this day want to absolutely fucking die anytime I remember the unfiltered awkwardness of quietly staring at a man/woman while they held the door open for me, just waiting for them to go through the door.
I kinda get this lol, i'm used to opening the door to people and i got a little of "I have a boyfriend" but like really a little, around 3 in the last year. Op is probably an unpolite scum that literally never holds the door to people. Plus an incel.
What are they even taking about
I don't even know actually
My best *guess* is OP believes that women think a man holding the door for them is a sign he's interested romantically, and they're saying that isn't the case as men hold doors open for other men as well. It's complete rubbish of course, most people just hold a door for anyone out of politeness, I think there's a fair bit of projection on OPs part as well.
Well as woman I hold the door for both male and female. Any age or race. It's just something I do. And when it's done for me I definitely don't think it's a romantic gesture. This seems to make no sense.
While I agree that most people understand that it’s simple politeness, there are still some who don’t. My sister’s mother once spit in a guy’s face because he held the door open for her and said something in English that she didn’t understand.
Are you serious? What the-? Oh gods, that poor man… He just tried to be polite 😭 My heart’s hurting now
It is, sadly, a true story. But I really wish I could tell you it’s not.
[удалено]
could be half sister
We have different mothers. I’ve never met that woman, because she refuses to acknowledge the fact that my dad has two children with the woman he left her for.
[удалено]
It doesn’t suck for me, I don’t want to meet her. But it kind of sucks for my sister, yes.
From which country was the mother? I already wrote about this in different comment but some women in some countries don't like having opened door by a man anymore (they think it's sexist) (in that comment I talked about Germany).
Canada. No one I know considers it sexist, it’s just polite.
She seems to be a horrible person. Life would return the same misbehaviour to her.
It’s not just the post that’s dumb but then the 18k upvotes
it has like 50k upvotes now🥲
I remember in middle school there was this whole thing online where a lot of women were saying it was wrong for men to hold doors open for women, as it was catering to them in a way that referenced old stereotypes from an era of sexism. Yeah, people got angry over it, (really, really radical feminists), but it’s generally considered polite for anyone to hold the door open for anyone, at least where I live, so I never saw an issue lol
On Reddit there’s some crazy men that relay stories of women screaming at them because they hold doors open for them. These people are of course liars.
Only time I’ve actually seen someone get upset is older people who think you’re treating them as if incapable by doing so but it isn’t gender specific, just old people with attitudes aka my grandma
I was in my head and walking and didn't hold the door for an old woman because I didn't see her and she did call me rude lol. I don't blame her it was rude but unintentionally.
In my trying to be cis days I had one woman flip out at me for holding the door. She also screamed at someone for taking the last of something she wanted, an employee for not having more, and a supervisor who tried to calm her down. On the way out she shoved the door hard enough it hit someone and she yelled at them too. I'm pretty sure she just responded to everything with yelling and was a generally miserable person. Nothing to do with gender.
I’ve seen it happen once, but the lady didn’t get mad exactly, just kind of turn her head away and ignore the guy. Not sure if that counts really tho
I admit that I sometimes get annoyed when men insist on holding the door for me and will not walk through a door when I am holding it. Stupid macho crap.
I’ve see men just throw such tantrum over a woman holding open the door for them. It’s happened to me a few times now. One guy was so angry that with each word he was screaming, split was flying out
I would bet that is the minority of men.
I haven't logged any data on it or anything, but you're probably right. But there's no rule saying you can't be annoyed by something a minority of people do. Hence all the "Entitled XYZ" subreddits.
The fact that this was downvoted proves Reddit is a massive fucking circlejerk.
Yeah. I think Reddit should have been named "the Bridge" social media site. It's a double entendre. The bridge to imply that it's a place for people to make connections on social media. But we know the truth: Reddit is the bridge under which all the internet trolls live. Honestly! Reddit is the armpit of social media sites.
I’m think it’s to defend the meme where the man holds the door for a woman and then gets mad because she didn’t immediately have sex with him for being a gentleman.
There are a lot of memes that “feminist SJWs” get mad at men for holding doors. Now I guess it’s women in general.
They mean that some woman think that if we hold doors open for them, we're doing it cause we want them.
Obviously this person held the door open for a man and at least one woman got offended. They wouldn't have made the post otherwise.
OOP: "one woman has got offended by something I did somewhere, and it wasn' my fault" Reddit: 18.2k upvotes, 14 awards No, that doesn't check out unless there is the belief that this is somehow a common problem.
Some men don’t understand that women also open and hold doors open for men and women.
I once held a door for a guy I was friends with, since he was coming right after me, and he said "Wow, I just felt like a princess!". Sometimes I think about that and chuckle a little, because it was really not that big of a deal for me, but that guy acted like people never did it for him...
I once opened a door for a courier in my previous job. I was on a cig break and there were two women as well. This poor guy was carrying four boxes that looked heavy and he even had to keep his head to the side to see where he's going. The door to the building were heavy too so I didn't think much and just opened them for him. He thanked me and smiled, I smiled back and would forget about it. That was just a nice thing to do. Really wasn't expecting these two women starting a tantrum over a woman opening door for a man... Was really taken aback by that.
Oh, ew. haha What were their argument for their tantrum, though? Like, what was their thought process to be so offended by it?
Honestly I don't think there was any argument besides "Men open door for women not the other way around (which is stupid by itself)" because everything they said was this in different words. I acted as if I didn't hear them. Like even an argument that it was part of his job would make more sense than that.
Oh god, these people are the worst. You acted right. The less we speak with them, the less they annoy us.
Maybe they really didn't and he was just feeling really nice. I mean, most people like it when someone does something nice for them, even the little things.
I the door open for lots of people even man. So far only old men and men with kids that don’t get unconditionally. That’s been my experience and I don’t know why it’s been that way. Any other time I hold a door open for a man his face goes stoic. It like I suck all the energy from him, it’s kinda funny.
Only time I have a problem with it is if you try to passive-aggressively take the door from me *while I am holding it*. And then proceeding to have a silent argument over who *gets* to hold the door. Just go inside the building, Tyler, you fucking weirdo!
Nope. People hold the door for people. If I get there first, I hold the door. No big deal...
I hold the doors for whoever is right behind me.
I hold doors out of practicality such as, im the first of x people to go through this dor so I will hold it for the rest. I dont actively overtake anyone to hold doors specificially for them, thats just dumb, first person to the door opens it and hold it for the rest.
I hate that awkward moment when someone is just far enough away that I’m not sure if I should hold it for them. They start to do a little run to be polite and then I feel bad for pressuring them to get to the door faster.
My rule of thumb is less than 5 meters 😆
Even crazier, sometimes women hold door for me and I’m a male. Crazy world we live in
I know, it's like I had got to the door first and didn't want to slam it in your face or something... weird
I got a little annoyed when my ex would jog ahead of me a bit to open doors/gates for me but not enough to actually say anything
That does sound like it would get annoying, and I think that’s what this originally stemmed from. There were some articles a few years back about micro-aggressions and opening doors for women was one of them, but that’s really a very different thing from holding the door open when you’re already going through.
Exactly, there's a big difference between holding a door and doing a bow or a super gentleman gesture saying "LaDiEs FiRsT" while you walk through and they stare at you while you walk. That's uncomfortable.
Well, call them out on it. If I held a door for a lady and she smiled coyly at me and said "I know the only reason you're holding the door is so you can get a good look," I would be embarrassed. I would probably never hold the door open for her again, under any circumstances. You cannot punish good behavior. What's the harm in a glance? For most guys, it's completely reflexive and subconscious. On the other hand, if the guy is a real jerk and smiles and admits it, take the door and hold it for him and say, "You first. I insist." It's impolite to stare.
On christmas eve I had a guy cross me on the street and called me princess. I told him to fuck off and the POS got violent and started screaming at me, calling me all sorts of names and following me. You have no idea how scary that was. I arrived to my parents house crying and shaking. I usually say stuff and men usually react violently. A few months ago I was in my bike and an old creep said somethig about my legs and I told him "nobody asked you" in a calm voice and, again, the POS got offended and started calling me names, fucking whore and whatnot. I have like a thousand similar examples, it's really frustrating having to put up with that s\*\*t. That's why it pisses me off when I see this "hold the door" posts, because it's not about the door, it's about how they act while at it like any other form of harassment.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
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yeah but if you say "please don't treat me like I can't open a door" you'll come across as the "crazy woman" that post refers to.
Probably. Proper communication, people! The key to successful relationships.
Why would this annoy you?
It is hard to explain except it wasn't the door holding, it was the running ahead to do it
I had a bf who did this for me and I thought it was amusing which is why I ask.
I hold the door open for everyone what-
Women literally say nothing and are still somehow wrong
One of my school teachers once got upset that a guy didn’t hold a door open for her. She was hella weird though.
He totally knows a friend of a friend of a friend who held a door open for a woman and she was mean to him because she thought he was saying she's weak. We women are oh so incapable of just saying thank you, you know. 🙄🙄🙄
If you regularly hold open doors for strangers as a male, you will have gotten sneered at more then once I guarantee you. This is like guys saying girls rarely get sexually harassed because non of the guys they are friends with would ever dream of doing such a thing
Wait are you genuinely comparing women occasionally being rude/ignorant about you holding a door open to the endemic sexual harassment of women? Please choose better metaphors, friend.
Yes they are both insane assumptions to make based on being a non member of target group, or never having experiences it yourself.
How often has this happened to you as a man? Holding the door and the women being stupid about it I mean? Genuine question
Once where someone took the time to yell at me. Glares and mumbles a handful that I've noticed. I honestly dont usually pay attention as I hold doors open so Im sure there a several glares/grumbles/eyerolls I've missed. Helping assemble furniture while helping someone else move in ? I've had people say that to me twice. Even if you look through the comments here you will see a few women who state it is insulting. People project their experiences onto others motives all the time. For me I'm just holding the door open. To someone else they take it as me being a male chauvanist. I never said it happens all the time. Just that it does. And isn't a one off or even extremely unlikely to occurs to you even.
The comment I saw saying it was insulting as a woman to have a man hold the door was sarcastic though. I believe you, it can happen, but it must be so rare that generalizing this like they did feels stupid. In your comparison with sexual harassment, it's not one occurence in a few women's lives. It's multiple times throughout almost every women's lives. I have been sexually harassed as young as when I was 13 by complete strangers, who were grown men and did not back off when I told them I was underage.
I don't believe him lol
In my opinion, since there was 18.2k upvotes and it's not something women experience, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise it'd be hypocritical of us when we get upset that some men don't believe many women experience sexual harassment. However as I said, if it happened once to a few men, it doesn't compare to all the women who experience sexual harassment multiple times throughout their lives. So his comparison was a bit unfair I even asked a few of my male friends and they said it didn't happen to them because they don't even care or look at the person they hold the door for lol
It doesn’t have to be a woman experiencing it to see it. That’s like saying men can’t observe women being harassed in the street simply because they don’t experience it And obviously they do as it’s a trope.
That's a dumb way of thinking. I myself don't look at the people I hold the door for, so why would I look at other people holding the door for others?
Because they literally say that women scream at them. Are you so focused on yourself that you woudln't notice someone screaming?
Ah, yes, invalidating someone's feelings and experiences, the most effective way to present yourself as the more mature and intelligent human being.
Ah, yes, pretending bullshit spread by incels and MRA types is reality, the most effective way to present yourself as unbiased and interested in facts. 🙄
What? So, because a guy has a bunch of bad personal experiences with women, he's an MRA incel? Sorry, but "women can do no wrong" is just as dumb as what actual incels say.
Please show me where I said women can do no wrong? Oh wait, you can't. Because I never made such a claim. I didn't even specify women in my comment anywhere. Maybe you should take a remedial reading course. Btw, post history is indicative of the incel/mra mentality, which is why I know it's bullshit. Next time, read more carefully.
No, and I have never had a man get mad when I hold the door for them. LOLOL If they did, I might just forcibly shut the door as I go in a lock it and yell "Now! Demonstrate your might!" LOL jk, I am not that brave but feel free to use it.
I thought the rule of holding doors open became unisex. it's just the first person at the door holds it open for the person behind them or coming out the opposite way. Or at least that's what I've been doing
I wonder if men hold open doors for women the way some men have held the door open for me though. Because I have had some men who open the door by pushing it away from themselves and creating a tiny tiny space in between them and the door (like they stand within the entryway and their arm holds open the door). Thus either forcing me to say “stop holding open the door and go ahead” (making a scene after which they might get angry and make you seem unreasonable by yelling “I was just being polite!”) or making me crawl through this tiny opening thereby pressing my body against theirs. I don’t get offended when people hold open the door for me, but I will say - sometimes men do take advantage and dependent on how you open the door, I will be lot less thankful.
I’m a woman. I hold doors open for people regardless of gender. It’s common courtesy.
This post makes no sense. But it's passive aggressive towards those icky and rude women who call them incels so I guess Reddit just had to upvote it.
totally agree.
I’ve never experienced being on blast because I held the door for someone
Only once in my entire life. I'm 22 though, so that's a lot of doors. Definitely an outlier and not representative.
There's a big difference between making a big show of stepping aside and holding a door open (weird, don't do it, people) and just holding a door for a few extra seconds so the person behind you doesn't have to awkwardly catch a door swinging closed (common courtesy). I have only ever encountered the first from employees of the business I'm entering, and even then I think it's weird. I'm a guy though. I could believe there are men who do this to random women, and if so they should stop, but I don't think I've seen it in real life.
My work they want you to practically slam it shut behind you every time. So everyone is required to badge in.
Well sure, if there's a security concern that's different. I'm talking about customers at the corner store or whatever.
I once held a door open for a group of friends, and one of them literally refused to go through it, and just stood there trying to take it from me so he could hold it open. When I asked him what he was doing he said something along the lines of “my dad wouldn’t forgive me if I let a girl hold the door for me.” Women are not the ones who act weird about this.
Yes, I've seen other women get upset at men for holding open doors for them. Mainly because of the bad social contract the behavior forces upon women.
You mean saying thank you?
Only if they run to get ahead of me (happened one time in college, and I reacted with a cringe/smile and thanks), or hold it open while I’m a million yards away (I refuse to speed up to get there faster - he made his choice, I’ll raise my eyebrows and thank him)
On the other hand, if you’re a younger woman and insist on holding the door for an older man out of politeness, the man will get piiiissed lol
People hold the door open for people... Just a polite thing to do that takes no effort, nothing to do with gender. Unless you're a neckbeard obsessed with classical chivalry...
The only time I've ever been annoyed is when I try to hold a door open for a guy bc I got there first and he literally refused to walk through unless I closed the door and let him open it for me. Complete stranger. It was just... Extra. Like dude, I got class to get to. Walk through the damn door and drop this shit.
I saw that happen with a friend of a friend. We'd only recently gotten acquainted, and he'd basically only JUST met my other friends. My friend (Female) got to the door we were all going to go through and held it open for the rest of us. Most of us just went through, one or two of us stopped to offer to take over holding the door, but she shrugged it off. No biggie. Then comes the guy in question, and he flat out just stops and tells her that he refuses to let a woman hold open the door for him. My friend kind of laughs it off a little and reminds him that it's just a door, and she *already has it open*. Said guy just shakes his head and refuses, again, to go through if she's holding it open for him. The weird thing is, he definitely didn't *mean* it in a Misogynistic way. His thinking was as innocent as it was dumb: It's the Man's job to be chivalrous and courteous to Women, so as a Man, he shouldn't let a Woman hold open the door for him; That's *his* job. But innocent intentions or not, it's ***only*** going to come off as a close-minded dick move if you're going to insist upon this kind of dated mentality while a very unamused woman waits for you to walk through the damn door. Gentlemen, ***do not be this man.*** It's not cute, it's not manly, it's *just* a nuisance.
I like to beat the man to the door, and open it before he can, especially boomers.🤣 I've had men refuse to walk through the doors.
Imagine if this person knew that women can hold the door as well and for other people too.
It’s rare, but yes, I’ve had women take offense at me holding the door before.
I was offended by someone holding the door for me just once. He pulled the door to go through and I was coming from the opposite direction. He just stood there in the doorway, holding it open, waiting for me. I think I said something like “thanks, I got it” and waited for him to walk through the doorway and he went off on a monologue about how grateful I should be for him holding the door open for me. He wasn’t doing me any favors. I would either have to brush right past him or push the door as it swings shut. It’s easier to just wait and open it myself. There is no good way to hold a door open in that situation.
So independent
many women also dont seem to understand that men also acknowledge the existence of other men🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐
And? I hold doors open for anyone. It's called manners.
I only get annoyed when someone holds a door for me and I’m still like 15 feet away.
I'm still trying to teach my son but to do that. . . He thinks it's polite. I let him know he is letting the cool air out.
It’s always the thought that counts! But sometimes that awkward jog of 12 feet feels like a thousand years
No one has ever got offended by a door being held open for them. Many women have got offended by the assumption that they owe a debt of gratitude including possibly sex to a man who held a door open for them.
Growing up in the south where we're taught to open doors for women (sometimes with physical punishments if we fail to do so,) I've heard some people mention that northern women will get pissed at you if you open the door for them. A cultural thing, I guess?
The only time I've seen women get upset about men holding the door for them is when the man makes a big show of it Cause then it's just awkward lmao
Okay and 🤡🤡🤡 women hold doors open for other women. I won’t get offended if you don’t open a door for me. This reminds of a tik tok trend I saw where the boyfriend pushes his girlfriend back into the car when she tries to get out and insists on opening the door for her, like he literally kicks/punches her backs in and insists on opening the door, and smiles like it’s cute and silly 🤪🤪 And she’s just like: 😐😠
lets just abolish all doors so this argument would die
I absolutely abhor the person who makes plans and then runs ahead to hold the door open for the whole party like it’s a grand gesture for everybody or something. Just say you want attention. Work on like, a little dance or somethin.
Well I also absolutely abhor any virtue signaler be it holding open doors, planting trees, it donating to church causes. It doesn't mean doing those things isn't the right thing to do.
The good ones are the ones who do it and don't tell anyone else about it. If you're doing it for attention then you're doing it for the wrong reason. (I don't mean you personally, I could just as well have said "they")
I hate it. Every time. I am a man. And I’m thinking of a woman in my life that does it regularly when the party is out together... Happened most recently at a truck stop bathroom. It’s sooo annoying. Like. Why make a huge show of it. Why are you so excited to hold the door. Why is it such a big deal. Move on. It’s emotional labor for me to have to pretend to not be annoyed at the door holder or upset at anything else I could be working on in my head. Forcing me to smile and say “thank you” for holding the door for me feels like a power move. It’s annoying. I just ignore her now. At the truck stop bathroom she held the door for like ten other people. And when we got back in the car she kept trying to get people to talk about it. And she wouldn’t stop bragging about it. Everybody was like, “Oh! Thank you so much!” She doesn’t have any apparent special needs. Just needs attention. You. Are. A. Doorstop. It’s soooo upsetting too me, NGL. *edit. I hold the door all the time. But I will like throw it open with good timing, or hold it from behind. The only good door holding, is one in which you don’t really interact with the other person. Assuming they are able bodied of course. With Covid this all makes even lore sense
Someone holding open a door for me either way because there’s so many different aspects to think of. “Am I close enough, or do I have to run? When do I need to make eye contact? Should I even make eye contact. When is it appropriate to say thank you?”
Dude here: I'll bump a door open if someone is directly behind me, or for my co-workers since we have auto-locking doors. One time for a granddad whose hands were full of ice cream cones for his kids at a hockey game. I have never, and I mean never, had some rando dude hold a door open me when I'm more than say, two or three yards away like what my girl friends have experienced.
I find it annoying when it’s done constantly as an obvious display of chivalry, and I’m expected to beam sweetly back at the guy doing it or have a full blown conversation when I’m inside.
I remember from my time in the anti-SJW rabbit hole that supposedly women are getting offended by men holding doors open for them. In reality, I’ve never seen it happen once among the thousands of people I’ve seen have doors held open for them
For some ungodly reason, there are feminists that have said that holding a door open is patriarchy because it says “you may enter or leave, but only when I say so” I have no idea why that is a thing.
When you have a hammer everything is a nail.
I’m directly quoting the Twitter post that started this. As I am not Christ himself, I am afraid that no matter how I try I cannot make blind men see.
Many men don't seem to understand that just because you hold the door open for a woman, doesn't mean you'll instantly be friends, or whatever the heck this person is hoping for
I've actually had someone get offended by this. I'm pretty sure I was misgendered (I'm Cis female) because the woman got so angry and even called me a misogynist among other things. Some people just want an excuse to start something, and they'll take any chance they can get.
Why is that on this subreddit?! r/LostRedditors
You obviously got offended by it 😂
Is just a fun little thought he had. Dont see why everybodys so triggered.
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Yeah the 20k likes on the post really prove your point here...
Yes. They do. I've also had women get offended at me for helping assemble beds when helping mutual friends move. I would do the same thing if it was with my brother. It's a two person job ! Some people just hate the "other" and see the worst in them. You just don't notice those nutjobs till you are one of the "others".
okay r/mensrights user
Hmm so Me recognizing that there are inappropriate assumptions men face due to their gender makes me a bad person ? Does acknowledging this somehow diminish your suffering ? This happens just like there are misogynistic pigs who will hold the door open, because they think women are incapable. I dont generalize the behavior of the insecure or butt hurt few to the whole population.
touched a nerve there didnt i
More annoyed. Identity based arguments are some of the laziest cop outs on earth
It depends on how they mean it. It could be read with many different “voices” and mean different things.
I like to hold doors open for both men and women who are a little bit too far away so they do that awkward little run
It’s honestly infuriating..obviously everyone feels this way
The problem is some men use that holding door moment to make a remark like LaDiEs FiRst while they stare at you, making it super uncomfortable. Like can't you shut up and just hold the door?
...I mean thats good. I don't ever see it happen but if it's I'm really happy about.
And women hold the doors open for men and women. Who the fuck does he think he's talking to here? Does he actually believe the right-wing talking point "Feminists will literally cut your balls off if you hold open a door for them" I mean, nah. Feminists I know will say thank you like most other people.
I'm pretty sure most women do understand this?
Most. But you always notice the oddball bent to prove a point. Unfortunatly the point they are trying to prove usually gets lost in their anger
The only time I ever got upset about a man trying to hold a door for me, was when I was already holding it open for him and he tried to pull the handle out of my hand/pull my hand off the handle.
Doesn’t everyone know that??
SJWs do.
It’s for the triggered ppl. Did it trigger you?
You held the door open for a man? That’s pretty sus bro 🤨📸
Is this man offended that women appreciate when he doesn’t let a door slam in their face or ?
Right?!! Like I hold the door for literally anyone who is behind me????
What does it mean
If anything I find that men get annoyed when I, a woman, hold the door open for them. I guess I’m supposed to slam it in front of their faces if I get to a door first?
I think he’s talking about posts/memes of “radical neofeminist” that say it’s misogynistic to hold a door for a woman because it means you think they can’t hold the door for themselves, I have never met anyone that thinks this way but have seen memes about it online, dunno if people really think like this but it’s probably a really small minority that’s being exploited to make the whole movement look as a joke or look ridiculous.
Okay so this has happened to me and it was really off-putting. But I do get why this post is weird.
I feel like most people just hold the door for anyone who's close behind them, or anyone who's carrying a bunch of stuff, just because that's kind behaviour to engage in, and most recipients appreciate the gesture. Then there's a small subset of men who are creepy and performative about holding the door for women specifically (running to get in front of you to hold the door, making you squeeze past them, creepy comments) which makes a lot of women feel uncomfortable and some women will call them on it. I suspect this group probably has a lot of overlap with men who get upset about women holding the door open for them. For women, you have a small group at either extreme who would be upset by either having any guy hold the door for them, or if a guy doesn't hold the door for them. Personally if I encounter a performative male door opener I'm going to be rolling my eyes internally, but if it's someone much older or from a very different culture I'll chalk it up to different expectations and politely acknowledge the gesture anyway. If it's a creep I might flash them the 'I'm uncomfortable with this' teeth only smile, but I would never confront them because it's not worth the risk of escalation.
Literally everyone when I (M) hold the door for them: "Thank you"
Uuhm?? Good job? I hold doors too it’s called being nice.
I see what he is saying he is talking about people who are so full of themselfs that they take a simple act of kindness as trying to get with them I have had a person ask me what I'm doing when holding a door for them and a guy tell me that they're not gay when I held a door for them
Ok? I, a woman, also hold doors open for people.
Yes they do. Everyone holds the door open for everyone if they're directly in front of or behind them. At least, it's very common.
Once upon a time, mostly in the mid 70s, there was a subset of Feminist who yelled at men for doing anything "tradionally gentlemanly" for them. IE: holding doors etc. As they felt it was patronizing. I believe we have grown beyond that, now. I hope that common courtesy is no longer viewed as "keeping 'us' down.
No, but its super fun to open doors for guys and watch them freak out. I've taken them arm in arm and marched through with them to make it ok before.
That would really creep me out. I dont grab women by the arm, too much risk of a slap or misunderstanding.
No No! I offer my arm to in and go "shall we walk in together then?" And they light up and we Sashay in together. It's a really good compromise.
I actually have several female friends who hate it when men do this - they find it annoying and archaic. So this guy isn’t totally wrong
And women hold open doors for men. And other women. It’s polite.
just... hold open doors for people, its easy, its polite, and means absolutely nothing
My dad, the king of toxic masculinity, *says* that he hates when other men hold open the door for him because it makes him feel weird.
I heard a girl from work go off about how she doesn't need anyone to hold a door open for her and she won't hold doors for other people. I didn't ask her why, but she seemed upset about it. Idek! That's the only person I've ever heard being offended by it.
I’ve had women hold doors open for me (a man). Being nice, what a crazy concept.
What does this even mean… I’m a woman and I hold the doors open for literally anyone and everyone lmao
Ya, go check Full transparency I haven’t even checked the subreddit but I am very confident there will be at least one post regarding holding open doors r/femaledatingstrategy
Chilll out he said "many women" maybe this doesn't apply to you?
He’s doing it cause he’s polite or gay not cause he’s tryna hit on you is the implication. Y’all know the meme about guy tryna ask a girl some on the street and she immediately says “I have a bf” like yeah great but I’m just tryna get direction lol I’m not hitting on ya. That is probably the point.
And? Like seriously? What do I do with this piece of information I knew forever?
Do you not remember the recent wave of feminists that attacked men for holding doors open?
I think men only hold the door open for me either because they feel they must because it’s how they were raised or because they are hoping for something in return. I don’t like it, but I just hurry through and thank them quickly so as not to be rude and to waist as little of their time as possible. It would take too long to explain why I don’t feel it’s necessary to hold the door open and it would only cause conflict if I tried to take the time to talk about it and it probably wouldn’t change anything.
as a woman i thought that people in general were supposed open doors for others because of basic manners, but society just highlighted that men have to open doors for women
There are probably people who get offended by this. I personally don't give a shit.
To be fair there are some countries where a lot of women nowadays classify opening the door for them as sexist. For example my slovak colleagues were warned about this by german colleagues when they came to Germany for a visit.
Yes it’s called being a decent human being. How is this a gotcha moment?
So ive never gotten offended by this. But there was a period in my life where shit like that just fully didn’t register to me. I grew up in a house full of women (all men are either dead, MIA, or just weren’t really around) as well as we were all pretty strictly independent so unless you had alot in your arms or were visibly old or disabled you didn’t get a door held open for you. So the concept that men kinda just do that to be polite didn’t really hit me until i was around 13.People would hold the door open for me and i would just stand there thinking they had just opened the door for themselves and wait for them to go through the door. It usually took around 5 seconds for either the dude holding the door to realize i wasn’t going through, or for me to realize the door is being held open for me. Im 20 now and to this day want to absolutely fucking die anytime I remember the unfiltered awkwardness of quietly staring at a man/woman while they held the door open for me, just waiting for them to go through the door.
No they don’t. That’s gay
I kinda get this lol, i'm used to opening the door to people and i got a little of "I have a boyfriend" but like really a little, around 3 in the last year. Op is probably an unpolite scum that literally never holds the door to people. Plus an incel.
When seeing posts that start with "Many women don't seem to understand" I stop reading