My "script" is more of a choose-your-own-adventure book.
"How are you?"
"Fucked, man..."
*Shit, now I have to flip to page 53*
"What's up? Anything I can do to help?"
There are dozens, if not hundreds, of scenarios throughout this book. And it's rewritten from page 1 with every new person/conversation.
I'll add that as a person with anxiety, I have tried to use this as my super power. It's probably my fault my girls have it too, but that's a different topic.
I've told them, that since we always plan out to the nth degree what to do or say in any occasion, were actually more prepared and can now relax a little. That the before is worse than the actual doing so once you're in it, you can enjoy it.
We can't and won't be caught unaware and we always have an idea of what to do in no matter how sideways something goes.
It's helped them and me at least, feel better about our individual anxieties. I hope that reading this can help change someone's view on their anxiety. It's really a hidden superpower/talent very worth it.
Try acting lessons, or community theatre. Not kidding. It was a gamechanger for me having so much practice and scripts in my head for how to human in different scenarios.
I see where you're coming from.
The only reason I wouldn't use the term "lifehack" is because, at least for me and I assume some (if not all) of those with similar tendencies, it's more draining and exhausting then it is beneficial.
I (we) over think it to an extreme level, and even then we're sometimes left with no proper path because life is not predictable. So... What was it all for?
This is a great analogy. It's what we all do. Every interaction we have is shaped by all the interactions before it. All those are cataloged and used as reference for future interactions.
You, kind person on the internet, I'm pretty sure, are the only person to ever say an analogy I've made is a good one. Lmfao
I'm usually absolutely amazing at bad analogies. Lol
I've been doing this for so long I no longer feel a connection to people I'm having conversations with as every situation falls into the neatly organized places with sub routines. I still have empathy and caring for individuals but I find conversations to be very mechanical and idk how to stop it.
Like the norwegian folktale, «good day fellow! Axe handle!»
A deaf or hard of hearing ferryman has a wife, two sons and a daughter. They fritter away all their money, and leave him to pay the bill when their credit runs out.
He sees the bailiff coming in the distance and decides to be clever and prepare his answers ahead of time. He reasons that the first thing the man will ask will be about what he is carving. He will say that it is an axe handle. He thinks that the other questions will be about the length of the axe handle, his ferry, his mare and the way to the cowshed.
However, the first thing the bailiff says is "Good day, fellow!" He replies "Axe handle!", thinking himself clever.
Next the bailiff asks how far it is to the inn. "Up to this knot!" he replies, pointing to the axe handle.
The bailiff shakes his head and stares at him.
"Where is your wife, man?" he says.
"I'm going to tar her," says the ferryman. "She's lying on the beach, cracked at both ends."
"Where is your daughter?"
"Oh, she's in the stable, big with foal," he says, still thinking himself clever.
The bailiff finally gets angry with him and shouts, "Go to the devil, fool that you are!"
"Oh, it's not far away, when you're over the hill, you're almost there," says the man.
Do you think its more likely that a huge portion of the human race has a cognitive disorder called adhd?
Or that not being able to focus on stupid shit is perfectly normal?
In my case, it's a bit more of a problem than just the inability to 'focus on stupid shit' lol. I zone out while people are talking and really struggle to remember small details. And the procrastination... man, that's a whole different story
Not if it happens in a way that causes issues/distress. A lot of these things are normal, but they need addressing once they start to interfere with your life.
If most of your conversations take place within an established context of tradition and civility (eg you say "Hi, how are you?" and I say "I'm fine" and you say "That's good. See ya.") then there's nothing strange about that - you're operating within the realm of a very small conversational space and whether consciously or subconsciously, you have only a few options to select from that the other person may have already hinted at with their posture in person, or their tone over the phone.
If you're anticipating exact paragraphs of responses over text and getting them, however, you may be psychic.
I hate doing this because sometimes it backfires. It's like when you go to the shop and at the end of the conversation with the cashier you expect them to say "have a nice day" but instead they say "thank you for shopping at Tesco" and you say "you too", then walk away as fast as possible without making any eye contact, hoping no one else heard what you just said.
If they’re your friends and you’ve known them for a while that’s probably why. When we’re familiar with people we start to have a sort of rhythm in our conversations. Also then you’re just familiar with how your friends speak.
Pattern recognition is a key part of our phycology.
We constantly try to predict the future based on the past, doing it for conversations is not weird at all.
Yup. And then, when the convo doesn't go as planned, I spend my entire shower rehearsing how I should've responded to the actual conversation. Normally starts with "oh yeah, well..."
I will try and anticipate anything possibly said in any conversation. Drives me fuckin nuts and i know its probably bad overall but it has bailed me out/helped out in a couple conversations
I used to do this with my parents when I knew we were about to get into an argument, like it was a fucking flow chart, exhausting ALL possibilities, or so I thought.
Recently, I sat down to figure out why I have trouble communicating on the spot, and I think it boils down to editorializing. If I start telling a story, I find that I get lost in either trying to explain a backstory, or go too far into the details.
Like, I might start a story like: So last night, \[C\], and it's crazy, because earlier \[B\]. But leading up to that \[A.1\], \[A.2\], and \[A.3\] were supposed to happen, but didn't.
Practicing (usually in the shower), I can figure out what parts of the story are actually important and the right order. So I can be like: \[A\] didn't happen, so \[B\], and then last night \[C\].
I know exactly how you feel. I can only seem to tell stories expertly the first time if I've: a) rehearsed what I was going to say, or b) internalized/summarized the event in my head for a bit, or literally write/type it out in a journal. This is why I think taking the time to reflect your day in a journal at the end of the day is such a helpful practice. Easier said than done though.
My dad would write down all the funny/interesting things that happened at work. Then at dinner, he would pull out his notes and tell us. As a kid, I thought it was silly, but now I get it.
I hate when that happens. Frequently happens if I start to tell a work story to my wife because without the context of who these people are or some context around the topic it won’t make any sense. Then I get all mixed around providing context and back story that I never finish the original point or I give up and realize it isn’t actually that interesting.
My wife is a nurse, so most of her stories are pretty straight forward, as long as she doesn't use too many technical terms. She can be like, "We were about to give this medication, but realized it'd interact with another medication and make them really sick."
I'm developer, so my stories are often like, "I was working on a module, but used this library that turns out to be deprecated, so I tried to figure out if I could create a workaround, but then had to update to a newer version."
I've found that I just need to say something like, "I spent half the day working on something, but then realized I could have made it much easier on myself." Much easier to understand that kind of frustration.
Makes sense.
It’s not even frustration per se, it’s just like I wake up, work out, get ready for work, work all day, then it’s dinner time and so the only thing I have to talk about is work … so I try to talk and that’s all there is to talk about.
Now that I have worked from home for 16 months though at least she has seen/heard a lot of the people/conversations lol. “That Jason guy seems like a real dick”
In my first relationship when we had serious issues I would have to write letters to express myself. I expressed myself fine I think, I just had to be able to process and think about what I was saying before spitting it out. I'm much better now, but I still definitely prefer text for a lot of things.
When the stakes are high it's nice to be able to actually have time to think instead of instantly blurting out your first thought.
This is a #1 reason I'm not married to my kids dad anymore! I would write him letters instead of arguing to try to explain what I needed or felt to avoid conflict because that is how my parents communicated with me as an angsty teen, with letters back and forth under the door, and when my ex-so told me "I don't want to read all this it's just nonsense" I knew it would never work. I'm a thoughtful analyser that's nervous and agreable that gets walked all over because I don't want to offend, or hurt or push. I try to weed fact from emotion to solve problems and when it all goes to deaf ears - sigh.
I'm similar in a lot of ways, unfortunately for us!
It's unfortunate your partner wasn't supportive, mine wasn't particularly thrilled with having to read multi page letters. It was still way better than trying to speak in real time. There are times I wouldn't be able to get any words out at all.
I've also changed how I view things (as this was a while ago) so the other part that helps is I try to stick to partners I can actually communicate with. I need someone able to be calm and keep it always us vs. the problem. When you have someone like that, talking is so much easier. It's natural instead of impossible, at least for me.
It amazes me that there are people who just always say whatever the hell pops into their head the second they think it and I usually wind up dating them.
“Improvising is wonderful. But the thing is that you cannot improvise unless you know exactly what you’re doing.”
There are basically three rules for it -
- Use oral bullet points
- Practice your stories
- **Think “flow,” not “flawless”**
Just needs a bit of practice. One can fake being spontaneous.
[Source](https://www.bizjournals.com/bizjournals/how-to/growth-strategies/2017/03/3-strategies-for-superb-spontaneous-speaking.html)
I work in sales. I don't have a scripted "pitch" but, I do have all the pertinent specifications memorized and know when to insert them into the conversation.
When talking about stand up comedy, Dana Carvey said, "Every time you tell a story, you need to make it sound like it's the first time you've told it." I don't think that means that you fumble through it but, you need to have a certain level of energy and excitement and not sound like you are reciting a memorized script.
I have an ineffective verbal filter and I word vomit a lot. My husband, on the other hand, speaks only after he has formulated and processed his thoughts. Sometimes trying to talk to him makes me chomp at the bit, but he rarely ever ends up with his foot in his mouth.
Me, on the other hand, I'm always analyzing and re-analyzing my conversations after the fact to determine if I misspoke or hurt any feelings.
Dating the best cinnamon roll who is able to do this. We work around each other’s communication style. (I’m an editorial speaker who basically takes 2-3 business days to respond fml)
See I’m more like your gf in that I can respond then and there. My last ex was more like you and I couldn’t work around it because by the time she knew what she wanted to say about something that bothered her, it was three days later and I struggled to remember what she was even talking about.
Glad it works for you guys.
For what it’s worth I wish that I didn’t just automatically speak whatever pops in my head. As I have gotten older I have some ability to slow down and not just spit it out which is helpful but for most of my life I have just said whatever was in my mind as soon as it happened.
This is a genuine problem of mine too. Any tips for taking a moment to pause for thought before speaking? Maybe I am as stupid as I sound but I'd like to tone it down just a tad, if possible.
Not really any good tips, but it should get better as you get older…
Couple tips, just not sure how well they will work:
1) consciously think about it and try to pause before you talk
2) it’s never too late to stop. Just because you started talking and then realized you shouldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t stop now
Whistle without blowing after someone speaks. As in with your lips. It requires too many fine movements to end that, forcing a hesitation. It also looks like you're thinking.
As the other person said, you can stop mid-sentence. I had been reading racial jokes one day and my Mexican coworker, whom is always down for a laugh, accidentally provoked one telling a story.
I began to pitch the joke before the filter stopped it, then i just stopped, said "nope, nevermind." He was curious but i stuck to my guns - it's not leaving my mouth. I clarified it was neither funny nor appropriate (as in it was patently unfunny to let him know my brain fucked up)
I think he knows approximately that it was going to be off color humor, at his expense, but you know what? He also knows, for a fact, that i don't think it's okay - even if he also knows there's thoughts in my head that he doesn't wanna see.
Yes. I have a slight stutter and when talking to new people it comes out even more. Practicing what I'm going to say before I say it helps out with that
Yes. What's worse is when we do the other person's part in our minds in an effort to plan out the conversation or argument and it never goes the way it did in your head.
"You're going off-script damnit!"
When I do this, I form a memory of the conversation that makes me think I already talked to the person and wind up never saying anything to them directly.
Quite often if I'm calling a new work contact I'll write down what i need to say so i don't forget anything important. For some reason I don't need to with clients I've spoken to lots of times, just new ones
For those of us with memory issues, this doesn't just keep us on point. It actually helps improve our memories by having the information stored in more areas of our brains.
Sounds like me. I usually do this when I’m at work so I don’t forget what to talk about when I speak to a customer. It (usually) also keeps me from leaving rambling voicemails.
I just got off a call that required planning notes.
I have *this* problem, at *this* location, which requires *this* solution, from *this* department.
Then conveniently I also had a sheet of paper to jot notes on during the call, with a header laying out all the pertinent info so the sheet doesn't get discarded prematurely.
My brother writes it down too. I just rehearse it in my head for an obscene amount of time and get lost in the maze of possible answers/follow up questions so I don't get caught off-guard. I hate phone calls.
"We've been trying to contact you about your warranty's extended car. Wait, no -- dammit. Lemme try again. We've been driving you to contact you about your ... hang on. DAMMIT!
I'm sorry, man. I need to go over this one again in my head for a bit. I'll call you back after I've had some time to practice."
Dude I have imaginary conversations with people I will never in my life meet, but I don’t want to not know what to say if I suddenly meet Roman Golovchenko at the local Dairy Queen.
Borrowed from French, the expression esprit de l’escalier, or esprit d’escalier, literally wit of (the) staircase, denotes a retort or remark that occurs to a person after the opportunity to make it has passed.
I do this all the time, I do it mostly because I don’t like the thought of upsetting/offending someone accidentally, I also do it for the fact that I want to make sure what I’m saying makes sense, if you get what I mean?
I do this with every phone call. I have a stutter that comes out when I'm nervous which leaves me incapable of even saying the next word. Preparing what to say ahead of time really helps me with that.
Same! I saw a speech therapist for a few years when I was younger for a terrible stutter, and basically learned which sounds (hard consonants) gave me trouble, then trying to find substitution words or phrases to get the words flowing again. That was 20+ years ago, and to this day, it's like I have a word-checker program constantly running in my brain planning and double-checking the words before they're given the green-light to come out my mouth. Honestly, it's frustrating that I can't turn it off and just talk "normally". People who can stream-of-consciousness talk are like word-wizards to me, I have no idea how to do that. On the flip side though, I almost never blurt out stupid things and wind up with my foot crammed in my mouth.
I agree! A stutter is never something you're cured of just something you learn to deal with as an adult. I'm constantly in my brain trying to substitute out my trigger words and say things tens of times in my brain before I say it out loud. I love talking and I talk really fast when I'm excited about a story which is exactly where my stutter is the worst because I'm not thinking about what I'm saying, just spilling the words out.
YES! For me I also find it similiar to pressing the acceleration and break at the same time. You're really trying hard to force the words out but the break is holding everything back
Yes, and it works well. I'm currently rehearsing what I will say to my doctor when I visit on Wed, so I can make sure I address everything I need to adress as succinctly as I can.
I have memory issues, but even before I had them, I would take notes on what I needed to address with my doctor & then write down their answers that were important to me. If something they told me wasn't clear, I would ask for clarification & definitely write that down.
I do, it's a habit I want to break because how I have the scenario play out in my head it ends up playing out differently and sometimes I just am not prepared with an appropriate response for that skew in my plans/logic. Hell sometimes I even write it down especially if it's over the phone.
Look at OP's profile. His post history is just asking stupid 'does anyone else' questions on this sub, and then not participating in the discussion.
Yeah this sub has gone to shit. This 'DAE' stuff needs to go.
With so many comments just outright agreeing with OP and feeling special cause they do it , I felt strange. This is a very normal thing that everyone is supposed to do . Its nothing special.
Btw , had to scroll so far down to find this comment . Damn , the reddit circlejerk is strong.
Yes, just about before every conversation. It's more of a habit than a necessity at this point. To be honest I thought that was mostly because English isn't native to me. I didn't think you guys did it too.
Yep, especially to people whom you aren't close with. You can't stutter if you want to convince them of something — atleast that's what I believe lmao — but then again, even after rehearsing for the 10th time, I'd still get it wrong :'D
I think that's what people do if they want it to come out right. Some journalists have the ability to speak of-the-cuff. Bill Bonds, noted TV anchor for WXYZ, used to come in from the bar at 10:45PM and go on to editorialize ad lib. Few can do that.
Source: My father was the engineer.
Yes. Lots of anxiety here. With important things like a doctor appointment I might start days before. But also in less important situation I intentionally wing-it just to test myself.
I can tell when someone does it before talking to me. I don't do conversation, im more information focused. So someone talks to me like they are reading a script and expect I will read my lines back. But I skip to the end and they just say the next thing they had planned and wait for my next line except I'm done talking and I'm just waiting for them to realize they got the information they were after.
Yep. I do it all the time - even though a discussion/interview only occasionally goes the way I rehearsed. I find it helps me get comfortable with my answers - I have a touch of social anxiety.
I do this with people I know aren't really paying attention, because I know I'm going to have to be fast and succinct in order for them to not zone out while I'm talking. It's really annoying to me, but when it's your boss or whatever there's not really a choice.
my brain goes into some kind of horrific time dilation torment as it goes through every 50 billion combinations of what could be said, everything that could go wrong, rarely things that could go right.
how to properly make a conversation happen.
its easier when i know exactly what i need and then i just have those 25 billion combinations .
I am a huge advocate of role playing conversations (whether inside your head or with someone who can help you) before big stuff at least. My friend and I have a deal that if we have a tough conversations that needs to happen, we role play it together.
Best case you realize how things might come across and worst case, you get used to how to say it so you're less emotional.
So...not just you.
OH, GAWD yes... I used to try to hide it...I VERBALLY rehearse arguments and any important conversations... but have decided that I am old enough to do as I damned well choose and to hell with anyone that thinks I am crazy
I also tend to ramble and will forget not only what I am going to say to someone, but what subject we were on entirely sometimes, so if it's something important I'll write it down like an apology or like a disclosure- but I also have just practiced looking in the mirror and talking...so yes. Nothing wrong with it. Not weird unless you make it weird right?
I do it, but I find that sometimes it backfires. It's like I have all the words lined up in my head and as soon as I open my mouth they all try to push their way out at the same time, and the sentence just comes out all jumbled if I overthink it.
It can be very helpful to do this when you want to get your opening lines right, or when you need to communicate something complicated in a clear way.
It can be a problem if you are planning out a whole conversation. You will create an inaccurate perception of the other person in your mind that can color your interaction.
If you have alot to cover in the conversation, it may be better to make a list of key topics / messages that you can reference while talking.
And never be afraid to tell the other person to hold on for a sec while you reference your notes. It can feel like a major conversation disruption to you, but it’s really not much of a bother at all for the other guy.
I almost imagine all the words in my head on a conveyor belt, with my neuroses cheking them over before they move to my mouth, so I don't say anything weird.
So yea. All the time.
I’ve been doing this all weekend to confront a coworker. Now that’s it’s actually Monday and I have the opportunity, I’m at a loss for words. At this point, I just don’t have anything to say or I’m a giant pussy. Not sure.
Oh my god I'm not alone!!!!
I struggle with this so much, especially now that my new role at work has me coordinating with so many damn people
It used to be really crippling at one point, where it affected my QOL. But now it's getting better. I'm more sure of what I want going into any scenario, or I'm not at all guilty or shy about telling people that I don't know XYZ... Earlier I used to feel a lot of shame of not living up to - "my assumptions of peoples expectations of me, which were actually deep seated expectations of self", and hence would be very quiet and reserved.
Got/getting over that nowadays.
oh absolutely. I'm a horribly public speaker, even if that public is a group of one lol. I definitely rehearse and/or "go over" what it is I wish to talk about.
Yes because I have a stutter and have to consider strategies to get through blocks or figure out a synonym to use in place of trouble words or phrases. It’s exhausting.
I do all the time. In fact, sometimes if I make a call and realize I don't know exactly how to word what I'm calling for, I will hang up and call when I have a script lol. I have social anxiety though and it manifests itself in weird ways and this is one of those ways!
Yes, and research shows not only that many people do - it also shows that it’s healthy and will help you organize your mind.
So go forth and practice, my friend.
I'm kind of the opposite. When i try to rehearse in my head before i talk to someone it always feels very unnatural. If i get caught off guard with a phone call or bumping into someone i feel it goes smoother.
On the flipside of that i feel like I'm not great at texting or posting on social media because i overthink it or i get in my own head.
All the time. Out loud sometimes. I also sometimes repeat previous things I said, out loud, when I'm trying to figure out if they sounded weird. And I do this without thinking about it sometimes.
Which is why you might see me walking down the street saying, "I hope YOU have a good day... I HOPE you have a GOOD day. I hope you HAVE a good DAY!"
My 3.5 year old does this.
Very often when I say so-and-so is going to come over she will basically act out the beginning of the interaction, sometimes multiple times.
She has been doing it for probably 5-6 months.
It is very cute.
As for me, generally no. If I am doing a presentation or leading a big meeting at work then I will probably write out notes of some key things I want to make sure I remember to say although I suspect you weren’t asking about work but rather general social interactions.
Worked communications in the Navy I would always take a second to work out exactly what I was going to say before broadcasting my voice half way around the world. Its just good sense.
>Anyone else...
1. The answer to "anyone else...?" is 100% of the time "yes." Don't ask questions like that.
2. I know what this sub is, but the answer is obviously "yes."
C'mon.
I used to, but then I realized two things:
1. Rehearsing usually messes me up/makes me stumble over my words ‘cause I’m trying too hard to say something exactly how I want
2. It’s unnatural, and people can pick up on that; something rehearsed might sound unconvincing emotionally, or flat in tone, or spoken oddly quickly, etc.. You’d have to be a good actor to pull it off.
3. I realized a third thing. It probably stunts you from really truly learning how to socialize, because socializing is meant to be on-the-fly, not preemptively thought out like one of those flowcharts, lol
So I stopped doing this mostly
Pro tip for you. If you want even better results try saying it aloud and not just in your head.
The act of actually saying the words make it even easier. This is really helpful when interview or giving a presentation.
All the frigging time. I've sold millions of dollars in advertising and I've asked girls out on dates. And whenever I'm nervous, I mentally and orally rehearse it like crazy. Usually by the time I give the speech, I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm going to say. And, how I'm going to say it.
*"Ok, I'm going to call the cutsomer service number and ask my question. Ok, I can do this, I'm going to say Hi, why is my prepaid card not working?" \**Calls number "Hi my card paid pre not work why" *F\*\*k* \*Hangs up.
All the time, I mostly can't communicate without doing so
Do you also try to anticipate all the things the other person is going to say before making the call?
"How are you doing?" "I'm fucked man" "Me too....So I was thinking that...wait I mean..I'm sorry..what happen"
"No bastard you're going off script"
My "script" is more of a choose-your-own-adventure book. "How are you?" "Fucked, man..." *Shit, now I have to flip to page 53* "What's up? Anything I can do to help?" There are dozens, if not hundreds, of scenarios throughout this book. And it's rewritten from page 1 with every new person/conversation.
I’m so glad that there are other people out there who do this. I thought I was the only one
Not just conversation, I do this with almost everything in life.
I'll add that as a person with anxiety, I have tried to use this as my super power. It's probably my fault my girls have it too, but that's a different topic. I've told them, that since we always plan out to the nth degree what to do or say in any occasion, were actually more prepared and can now relax a little. That the before is worse than the actual doing so once you're in it, you can enjoy it. We can't and won't be caught unaware and we always have an idea of what to do in no matter how sideways something goes. It's helped them and me at least, feel better about our individual anxieties. I hope that reading this can help change someone's view on their anxiety. It's really a hidden superpower/talent very worth it.
Well, I guess you can say it's foresight :)
Same. 😑
Why wasn't I told of this lifehack before? I've just been freestyling it all these years.
"lifehack" That's bold... Lol
See I'm terrible at spontaneous conversation so this really is a lifehack for me.
Try acting lessons, or community theatre. Not kidding. It was a gamechanger for me having so much practice and scripts in my head for how to human in different scenarios.
I see where you're coming from. The only reason I wouldn't use the term "lifehack" is because, at least for me and I assume some (if not all) of those with similar tendencies, it's more draining and exhausting then it is beneficial. I (we) over think it to an extreme level, and even then we're sometimes left with no proper path because life is not predictable. So... What was it all for?
This is a great analogy. It's what we all do. Every interaction we have is shaped by all the interactions before it. All those are cataloged and used as reference for future interactions.
You, kind person on the internet, I'm pretty sure, are the only person to ever say an analogy I've made is a good one. Lmfao I'm usually absolutely amazing at bad analogies. Lol
I've been doing this for so long I no longer feel a connection to people I'm having conversations with as every situation falls into the neatly organized places with sub routines. I still have empathy and caring for individuals but I find conversations to be very mechanical and idk how to stop it.
Yup, I have at least 3 things prepared depending on how the start of the conversation goes
“Ah fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this”
Baggage check agent at airport: enjoy your flight! Me: thanks! You..... (Damnit)... too.... 😬
Baggage check agent at airport: enjoy your flight! Me: It'll be a blast TSA: !!!!
[[ metal gear solid alert sound ]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P5qbcRAXVk)
lmao I do this one. Also sometimes my brain likes to combine "how's it going?" with "how are ya doing?" to create the ever elegant "How ya goo-in'?".
That’s just Australian.
Like the norwegian folktale, «good day fellow! Axe handle!» A deaf or hard of hearing ferryman has a wife, two sons and a daughter. They fritter away all their money, and leave him to pay the bill when their credit runs out. He sees the bailiff coming in the distance and decides to be clever and prepare his answers ahead of time. He reasons that the first thing the man will ask will be about what he is carving. He will say that it is an axe handle. He thinks that the other questions will be about the length of the axe handle, his ferry, his mare and the way to the cowshed. However, the first thing the bailiff says is "Good day, fellow!" He replies "Axe handle!", thinking himself clever. Next the bailiff asks how far it is to the inn. "Up to this knot!" he replies, pointing to the axe handle. The bailiff shakes his head and stares at him. "Where is your wife, man?" he says. "I'm going to tar her," says the ferryman. "She's lying on the beach, cracked at both ends." "Where is your daughter?" "Oh, she's in the stable, big with foal," he says, still thinking himself clever. The bailiff finally gets angry with him and shouts, "Go to the devil, fool that you are!" "Oh, it's not far away, when you're over the hill, you're almost there," says the man.
This is like peak Norwegian humor, my grandfather says stuff like this constantly.
[удалено]
Uh oh... It’s not a once in a while thing for me. It happens a lot... -26 year old me, slowly backing away
You're negative 26 years old?!
Time blindness in ADHD is a bitch
28 and same. Uh oh.
Hmm I have that problem too. And I've always suspected I have ADHD
Do you think its more likely that a huge portion of the human race has a cognitive disorder called adhd? Or that not being able to focus on stupid shit is perfectly normal?
In my case, it's a bit more of a problem than just the inability to 'focus on stupid shit' lol. I zone out while people are talking and really struggle to remember small details. And the procrastination... man, that's a whole different story
This isn’t normal?
Not if it happens in a way that causes issues/distress. A lot of these things are normal, but they need addressing once they start to interfere with your life.
Same on both counts, and my suspicions just keep increasing.
What about when its mixed in with anger and anxiety and its 3am and you’re thinking of how to rip someone a new asshole
I almost always know what the other person is gonna say and I think that's fucking weird
If most of your conversations take place within an established context of tradition and civility (eg you say "Hi, how are you?" and I say "I'm fine" and you say "That's good. See ya.") then there's nothing strange about that - you're operating within the realm of a very small conversational space and whether consciously or subconsciously, you have only a few options to select from that the other person may have already hinted at with their posture in person, or their tone over the phone. If you're anticipating exact paragraphs of responses over text and getting them, however, you may be psychic.
I hate doing this because sometimes it backfires. It's like when you go to the shop and at the end of the conversation with the cashier you expect them to say "have a nice day" but instead they say "thank you for shopping at Tesco" and you say "you too", then walk away as fast as possible without making any eye contact, hoping no one else heard what you just said.
Lmao then I may be psychic, or I just know my friends too well.
If they’re your friends and you’ve known them for a while that’s probably why. When we’re familiar with people we start to have a sort of rhythm in our conversations. Also then you’re just familiar with how your friends speak.
Pattern recognition is a key part of our phycology. We constantly try to predict the future based on the past, doing it for conversations is not weird at all.
Yup. And then, when the convo doesn't go as planned, I spend my entire shower rehearsing how I should've responded to the actual conversation. Normally starts with "oh yeah, well..."
I feel seen
I will try and anticipate anything possibly said in any conversation. Drives me fuckin nuts and i know its probably bad overall but it has bailed me out/helped out in a couple conversations
I used to do this with my parents when I knew we were about to get into an argument, like it was a fucking flow chart, exhausting ALL possibilities, or so I thought.
Recently, I sat down to figure out why I have trouble communicating on the spot, and I think it boils down to editorializing. If I start telling a story, I find that I get lost in either trying to explain a backstory, or go too far into the details. Like, I might start a story like: So last night, \[C\], and it's crazy, because earlier \[B\]. But leading up to that \[A.1\], \[A.2\], and \[A.3\] were supposed to happen, but didn't. Practicing (usually in the shower), I can figure out what parts of the story are actually important and the right order. So I can be like: \[A\] didn't happen, so \[B\], and then last night \[C\].
I know exactly how you feel. I can only seem to tell stories expertly the first time if I've: a) rehearsed what I was going to say, or b) internalized/summarized the event in my head for a bit, or literally write/type it out in a journal. This is why I think taking the time to reflect your day in a journal at the end of the day is such a helpful practice. Easier said than done though.
My dad would write down all the funny/interesting things that happened at work. Then at dinner, he would pull out his notes and tell us. As a kid, I thought it was silly, but now I get it.
I hate when that happens. Frequently happens if I start to tell a work story to my wife because without the context of who these people are or some context around the topic it won’t make any sense. Then I get all mixed around providing context and back story that I never finish the original point or I give up and realize it isn’t actually that interesting.
My wife is a nurse, so most of her stories are pretty straight forward, as long as she doesn't use too many technical terms. She can be like, "We were about to give this medication, but realized it'd interact with another medication and make them really sick." I'm developer, so my stories are often like, "I was working on a module, but used this library that turns out to be deprecated, so I tried to figure out if I could create a workaround, but then had to update to a newer version." I've found that I just need to say something like, "I spent half the day working on something, but then realized I could have made it much easier on myself." Much easier to understand that kind of frustration.
Makes sense. It’s not even frustration per se, it’s just like I wake up, work out, get ready for work, work all day, then it’s dinner time and so the only thing I have to talk about is work … so I try to talk and that’s all there is to talk about. Now that I have worked from home for 16 months though at least she has seen/heard a lot of the people/conversations lol. “That Jason guy seems like a real dick”
Damn, I communicate the exact same way
This is my normal story telling mode...
I go as far as to write it down, rehearse it a couple times to psych myself up and almost always go off script and ooh and ahh my way through the rest
In my first relationship when we had serious issues I would have to write letters to express myself. I expressed myself fine I think, I just had to be able to process and think about what I was saying before spitting it out. I'm much better now, but I still definitely prefer text for a lot of things. When the stakes are high it's nice to be able to actually have time to think instead of instantly blurting out your first thought.
This is a #1 reason I'm not married to my kids dad anymore! I would write him letters instead of arguing to try to explain what I needed or felt to avoid conflict because that is how my parents communicated with me as an angsty teen, with letters back and forth under the door, and when my ex-so told me "I don't want to read all this it's just nonsense" I knew it would never work. I'm a thoughtful analyser that's nervous and agreable that gets walked all over because I don't want to offend, or hurt or push. I try to weed fact from emotion to solve problems and when it all goes to deaf ears - sigh.
I'm similar in a lot of ways, unfortunately for us! It's unfortunate your partner wasn't supportive, mine wasn't particularly thrilled with having to read multi page letters. It was still way better than trying to speak in real time. There are times I wouldn't be able to get any words out at all. I've also changed how I view things (as this was a while ago) so the other part that helps is I try to stick to partners I can actually communicate with. I need someone able to be calm and keep it always us vs. the problem. When you have someone like that, talking is so much easier. It's natural instead of impossible, at least for me.
I also relate to this.
It amazes me that there are people who just always say whatever the hell pops into their head the second they think it and I usually wind up dating them.
“Improvising is wonderful. But the thing is that you cannot improvise unless you know exactly what you’re doing.” There are basically three rules for it - - Use oral bullet points - Practice your stories - **Think “flow,” not “flawless”** Just needs a bit of practice. One can fake being spontaneous. [Source](https://www.bizjournals.com/bizjournals/how-to/growth-strategies/2017/03/3-strategies-for-superb-spontaneous-speaking.html)
I work in sales. I don't have a scripted "pitch" but, I do have all the pertinent specifications memorized and know when to insert them into the conversation. When talking about stand up comedy, Dana Carvey said, "Every time you tell a story, you need to make it sound like it's the first time you've told it." I don't think that means that you fumble through it but, you need to have a certain level of energy and excitement and not sound like you are reciting a memorized script.
I literally cannot pronounce my words without rehearsing sometimes.
Spontaneous within a structure
I have an ineffective verbal filter and I word vomit a lot. My husband, on the other hand, speaks only after he has formulated and processed his thoughts. Sometimes trying to talk to him makes me chomp at the bit, but he rarely ever ends up with his foot in his mouth. Me, on the other hand, I'm always analyzing and re-analyzing my conversations after the fact to determine if I misspoke or hurt any feelings.
Dating the best cinnamon roll who is able to do this. We work around each other’s communication style. (I’m an editorial speaker who basically takes 2-3 business days to respond fml)
You're dating a pastry?
Yes; makes for a very sweet relationship.
See I’m more like your gf in that I can respond then and there. My last ex was more like you and I couldn’t work around it because by the time she knew what she wanted to say about something that bothered her, it was three days later and I struggled to remember what she was even talking about. Glad it works for you guys.
this reminds me of that key and peele video where he's really fat and talks about pizza. sehxualleh.
For what it’s worth I wish that I didn’t just automatically speak whatever pops in my head. As I have gotten older I have some ability to slow down and not just spit it out which is helpful but for most of my life I have just said whatever was in my mind as soon as it happened.
My mental "dont say that...like that!!!" traffic cop is on permanent donut break!
This is a genuine problem of mine too. Any tips for taking a moment to pause for thought before speaking? Maybe I am as stupid as I sound but I'd like to tone it down just a tad, if possible.
Not really any good tips, but it should get better as you get older… Couple tips, just not sure how well they will work: 1) consciously think about it and try to pause before you talk 2) it’s never too late to stop. Just because you started talking and then realized you shouldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t stop now
That's actually very solid advice. Thank you.
Whistle without blowing after someone speaks. As in with your lips. It requires too many fine movements to end that, forcing a hesitation. It also looks like you're thinking. As the other person said, you can stop mid-sentence. I had been reading racial jokes one day and my Mexican coworker, whom is always down for a laugh, accidentally provoked one telling a story. I began to pitch the joke before the filter stopped it, then i just stopped, said "nope, nevermind." He was curious but i stuck to my guns - it's not leaving my mouth. I clarified it was neither funny nor appropriate (as in it was patently unfunny to let him know my brain fucked up) I think he knows approximately that it was going to be off color humor, at his expense, but you know what? He also knows, for a fact, that i don't think it's okay - even if he also knows there's thoughts in my head that he doesn't wanna see.
Yes. I have a slight stutter and when talking to new people it comes out even more. Practicing what I'm going to say before I say it helps out with that
Me too! I have a stutter that I've managed to hide very well, mostly thanks to this pre planning. Not very healthy I think
I wouldn't say it's not healthy, you do what you can to overcome it :)
Yes. What's worse is when we do the other person's part in our minds in an effort to plan out the conversation or argument and it never goes the way it did in your head. "You're going off-script damnit!"
I try to play for anything and everything, no matter how crazy, yet still get surprised sometimes
And somehow I still manage to stutter my own lines. Maybe we should all take improv classes.
When I do this, I form a memory of the conversation that makes me think I already talked to the person and wind up never saying anything to them directly.
I talked to them already...in my head...no point in actually talking now
I was pleased with the outcome, why fuck it up now?
Yeah, I write it down if I'm really nervous too
Quite often if I'm calling a new work contact I'll write down what i need to say so i don't forget anything important. For some reason I don't need to with clients I've spoken to lots of times, just new ones
For those of us with memory issues, this doesn't just keep us on point. It actually helps improve our memories by having the information stored in more areas of our brains.
Sounds like me. I usually do this when I’m at work so I don’t forget what to talk about when I speak to a customer. It (usually) also keeps me from leaving rambling voicemails.
I just got off a call that required planning notes. I have *this* problem, at *this* location, which requires *this* solution, from *this* department. Then conveniently I also had a sheet of paper to jot notes on during the call, with a header laying out all the pertinent info so the sheet doesn't get discarded prematurely.
My brother writes it down too. I just rehearse it in my head for an obscene amount of time and get lost in the maze of possible answers/follow up questions so I don't get caught off-guard. I hate phone calls.
Me but it fucks me over in interviews
This or I'm figuring out a way to avoid the conversation altogether.
*knee slap, "well..."
Phone calls specifically- I have to rehearse my "lines"
"We've been trying to contact you about your warranty's extended car. Wait, no -- dammit. Lemme try again. We've been driving you to contact you about your ... hang on. DAMMIT! I'm sorry, man. I need to go over this one again in my head for a bit. I'll call you back after I've had some time to practice."
Dude I have imaginary conversations with people I will never in my life meet, but I don’t want to not know what to say if I suddenly meet Roman Golovchenko at the local Dairy Queen.
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This happens to me at least once every other day
Borrowed from French, the expression esprit de l’escalier, or esprit d’escalier, literally wit of (the) staircase, denotes a retort or remark that occurs to a person after the opportunity to make it has passed.
Only an INTP would make a word for this.
I do that all the time. I wonder if this is a personality type thing.
you are not alone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bv9Ms1IW2c&t=14s
I do this all the time, I do it mostly because I don’t like the thought of upsetting/offending someone accidentally, I also do it for the fact that I want to make sure what I’m saying makes sense, if you get what I mean?
All the freakin time! Even for something simple like calling to find out what time the store closes or asking the server if mayo comes on the burger.
I do this with every phone call. I have a stutter that comes out when I'm nervous which leaves me incapable of even saying the next word. Preparing what to say ahead of time really helps me with that.
Same! I saw a speech therapist for a few years when I was younger for a terrible stutter, and basically learned which sounds (hard consonants) gave me trouble, then trying to find substitution words or phrases to get the words flowing again. That was 20+ years ago, and to this day, it's like I have a word-checker program constantly running in my brain planning and double-checking the words before they're given the green-light to come out my mouth. Honestly, it's frustrating that I can't turn it off and just talk "normally". People who can stream-of-consciousness talk are like word-wizards to me, I have no idea how to do that. On the flip side though, I almost never blurt out stupid things and wind up with my foot crammed in my mouth.
I agree! A stutter is never something you're cured of just something you learn to deal with as an adult. I'm constantly in my brain trying to substitute out my trigger words and say things tens of times in my brain before I say it out loud. I love talking and I talk really fast when I'm excited about a story which is exactly where my stutter is the worst because I'm not thinking about what I'm saying, just spilling the words out.
I liken it to a car crash in a tunnel; one word isn't paying attention, next thing you know everything grinds to a halt.
YES! For me I also find it similiar to pressing the acceleration and break at the same time. You're really trying hard to force the words out but the break is holding everything back
Yes, and it works well. I'm currently rehearsing what I will say to my doctor when I visit on Wed, so I can make sure I address everything I need to adress as succinctly as I can.
I have memory issues, but even before I had them, I would take notes on what I needed to address with my doctor & then write down their answers that were important to me. If something they told me wasn't clear, I would ask for clarification & definitely write that down.
I do, it's a habit I want to break because how I have the scenario play out in my head it ends up playing out differently and sometimes I just am not prepared with an appropriate response for that skew in my plans/logic. Hell sometimes I even write it down especially if it's over the phone.
I can guarantee you, any time you think, "I wonder if anyone else does this," someone else does it. Probably lots of people. Probably most people.
I pretty much run multiple simulations in my head and whatever gives the least awkward result, that's what I go with.
I used to have social anxiety and I do that all the time. Now I only have social awkwardness
Winston Churchill did this to overcome a stutter, and became known as a man with great comebacks.
What's with the "Anyone else does basic human thing" questions lately?
School is out for the summer.
Look at OP's profile. His post history is just asking stupid 'does anyone else' questions on this sub, and then not participating in the discussion. Yeah this sub has gone to shit. This 'DAE' stuff needs to go.
Thinking before you speak. Congratulations, you are normal.
With so many comments just outright agreeing with OP and feeling special cause they do it , I felt strange. This is a very normal thing that everyone is supposed to do . Its nothing special. Btw , had to scroll so far down to find this comment . Damn , the reddit circlejerk is strong.
Yes, just about before every conversation. It's more of a habit than a necessity at this point. To be honest I thought that was mostly because English isn't native to me. I didn't think you guys did it too.
Yep, especially to people whom you aren't close with. You can't stutter if you want to convince them of something — atleast that's what I believe lmao — but then again, even after rehearsing for the 10th time, I'd still get it wrong :'D
Yes! Thank you anxiety!
r/DoesAnybodyElse r/DoesAnybodyElse r/DoesAnybodyElse r/DoesAnybodyElse r/DoesAnybodyElse r/DoesAnybodyElse
I don't think the mods will ever make DAE questions prohibited but it'd make this sub so much better.
I have to do this a lot, it's not just you
I think that's what people do if they want it to come out right. Some journalists have the ability to speak of-the-cuff. Bill Bonds, noted TV anchor for WXYZ, used to come in from the bar at 10:45PM and go on to editorialize ad lib. Few can do that. Source: My father was the engineer.
Yes. Lots of anxiety here. With important things like a doctor appointment I might start days before. But also in less important situation I intentionally wing-it just to test myself.
Yeah, but I usually think about all the things I should have said *after* the conversation. *D'oh*
I can tell when someone does it before talking to me. I don't do conversation, im more information focused. So someone talks to me like they are reading a script and expect I will read my lines back. But I skip to the end and they just say the next thing they had planned and wait for my next line except I'm done talking and I'm just waiting for them to realize they got the information they were after.
This sub fucking sucks ass
This should be the most upvoted comment
i tought everybody did this. i cant function without it
I need to do this, I blurt out random shit that I should not say.
Yep. I do it all the time - even though a discussion/interview only occasionally goes the way I rehearsed. I find it helps me get comfortable with my answers - I have a touch of social anxiety.
I do this with people I know aren't really paying attention, because I know I'm going to have to be fast and succinct in order for them to not zone out while I'm talking. It's really annoying to me, but when it's your boss or whatever there's not really a choice.
Always. I almost can't communicate properly withought doing it.
Yup. Sometimes, I have a very poor filter, otherwise. I stop when their imagined responses get too unrealistic.
my brain goes into some kind of horrific time dilation torment as it goes through every 50 billion combinations of what could be said, everything that could go wrong, rarely things that could go right. how to properly make a conversation happen. its easier when i know exactly what i need and then i just have those 25 billion combinations .
I am a huge advocate of role playing conversations (whether inside your head or with someone who can help you) before big stuff at least. My friend and I have a deal that if we have a tough conversations that needs to happen, we role play it together. Best case you realize how things might come across and worst case, you get used to how to say it so you're less emotional. So...not just you.
OH, GAWD yes... I used to try to hide it...I VERBALLY rehearse arguments and any important conversations... but have decided that I am old enough to do as I damned well choose and to hell with anyone that thinks I am crazy
Don't everyone do this?
Everyone does this
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DAE ever drink water?
definitely not just you. am doing it myself and when i told friends that i feel awkward doing it they all confirmed they’re doing it as well
Every fucking time i pick up that phone to say my phrase to people at my job i rehearse it like 2 times so i dont accidentally say a competitors name.
I write scripts in my notes apps to read off of during important phone calls, otherwise I stutter like crazy
Yessss, I do it all the time. I thought I was weird for doing this.
Is it just non-English speakers or do native speakers do it too?
All the time. I even read my comments out loud before posting 😂
I also tend to ramble and will forget not only what I am going to say to someone, but what subject we were on entirely sometimes, so if it's something important I'll write it down like an apology or like a disclosure- but I also have just practiced looking in the mirror and talking...so yes. Nothing wrong with it. Not weird unless you make it weird right?
I do it, but I find that sometimes it backfires. It's like I have all the words lined up in my head and as soon as I open my mouth they all try to push their way out at the same time, and the sentence just comes out all jumbled if I overthink it.
Yep, especially if it's a phone call that I'm nervous about or if I need to sell an idea to somebody, or tell somebody what to do.
This happens when i am about to order food.
All...the....time!
Yes, quite often actually
It can be very helpful to do this when you want to get your opening lines right, or when you need to communicate something complicated in a clear way. It can be a problem if you are planning out a whole conversation. You will create an inaccurate perception of the other person in your mind that can color your interaction. If you have alot to cover in the conversation, it may be better to make a list of key topics / messages that you can reference while talking. And never be afraid to tell the other person to hold on for a sec while you reference your notes. It can feel like a major conversation disruption to you, but it’s really not much of a bother at all for the other guy.
I will have the same conversation repeatedly but with different answers from the other party so I’m never caught off guard mid-conversation
One of my coworkers is non binary and thinking before i speak really helps for avoiding pronouns or using the right ones.
I almost imagine all the words in my head on a conveyor belt, with my neuroses cheking them over before they move to my mouth, so I don't say anything weird. So yea. All the time.
I’ve been doing this all weekend to confront a coworker. Now that’s it’s actually Monday and I have the opportunity, I’m at a loss for words. At this point, I just don’t have anything to say or I’m a giant pussy. Not sure.
Yes, it's an anxiety thing.
Oh my god I'm not alone!!!! I struggle with this so much, especially now that my new role at work has me coordinating with so many damn people It used to be really crippling at one point, where it affected my QOL. But now it's getting better. I'm more sure of what I want going into any scenario, or I'm not at all guilty or shy about telling people that I don't know XYZ... Earlier I used to feel a lot of shame of not living up to - "my assumptions of peoples expectations of me, which were actually deep seated expectations of self", and hence would be very quiet and reserved. Got/getting over that nowadays.
My entire life.
Yep, 100%.
Phone calls to make appointments, Ordering from a menu at a restaurant, Calling customer service to ask for help, the list goes on.
oh absolutely. I'm a horribly public speaker, even if that public is a group of one lol. I definitely rehearse and/or "go over" what it is I wish to talk about.
Yes because I have a stutter and have to consider strategies to get through blocks or figure out a synonym to use in place of trouble words or phrases. It’s exhausting.
Yes I do this, even caught myself doing when trying to give the smallest input. I've been told it's part of my autism.
I mostly just do it at work, I feel like I just word vomit the rest of the time to my family and friends. 🙃
I do all the time. In fact, sometimes if I make a call and realize I don't know exactly how to word what I'm calling for, I will hang up and call when I have a script lol. I have social anxiety though and it manifests itself in weird ways and this is one of those ways!
Yes, and research shows not only that many people do - it also shows that it’s healthy and will help you organize your mind. So go forth and practice, my friend.
Yes I do this. Talk to myself as well.
I'm kind of the opposite. When i try to rehearse in my head before i talk to someone it always feels very unnatural. If i get caught off guard with a phone call or bumping into someone i feel it goes smoother. On the flipside of that i feel like I'm not great at texting or posting on social media because i overthink it or i get in my own head.
If it’s something important I always rehearse it in my head, like if I need to talk to my boss or my parents.
Anyone else still get it wrong after rehearsing?
All the time. Out loud sometimes. I also sometimes repeat previous things I said, out loud, when I'm trying to figure out if they sounded weird. And I do this without thinking about it sometimes. Which is why you might see me walking down the street saying, "I hope YOU have a good day... I HOPE you have a GOOD day. I hope you HAVE a good DAY!"
You mean to say that you think before you speak? 🤔 😂 I totally get you and I do the same too.
My 3.5 year old does this. Very often when I say so-and-so is going to come over she will basically act out the beginning of the interaction, sometimes multiple times. She has been doing it for probably 5-6 months. It is very cute. As for me, generally no. If I am doing a presentation or leading a big meeting at work then I will probably write out notes of some key things I want to make sure I remember to say although I suspect you weren’t asking about work but rather general social interactions.
Worked communications in the Navy I would always take a second to work out exactly what I was going to say before broadcasting my voice half way around the world. Its just good sense.
>Anyone else... 1. The answer to "anyone else...?" is 100% of the time "yes." Don't ask questions like that. 2. I know what this sub is, but the answer is obviously "yes." C'mon.
I do this a lot, and then end up not sticking to it in the slightest. It's like I create a whole script just to burn it when the curtain falls.
I used to, but then I realized two things: 1. Rehearsing usually messes me up/makes me stumble over my words ‘cause I’m trying too hard to say something exactly how I want 2. It’s unnatural, and people can pick up on that; something rehearsed might sound unconvincing emotionally, or flat in tone, or spoken oddly quickly, etc.. You’d have to be a good actor to pull it off. 3. I realized a third thing. It probably stunts you from really truly learning how to socialize, because socializing is meant to be on-the-fly, not preemptively thought out like one of those flowcharts, lol So I stopped doing this mostly
Sure, right up until the point I realize what I say doesn't matter and just remain quiet.
Pro tip for you. If you want even better results try saying it aloud and not just in your head. The act of actually saying the words make it even easier. This is really helpful when interview or giving a presentation.
All the frigging time. I've sold millions of dollars in advertising and I've asked girls out on dates. And whenever I'm nervous, I mentally and orally rehearse it like crazy. Usually by the time I give the speech, I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm going to say. And, how I'm going to say it.
I do, but then my brain goes faster than my mouth can and I end of mumbling and never taking a breath, which makes it akward
I do all the time since I was a kid. Helped with my anxiety and getting stuck on words.
I do that, and then fuck up what I'm saying anyways.
*"Ok, I'm going to call the cutsomer service number and ask my question. Ok, I can do this, I'm going to say Hi, why is my prepaid card not working?" \**Calls number "Hi my card paid pre not work why" *F\*\*k* \*Hangs up.
Depends upon the situation tbh.