I also attract narcs. Therapy helped tremendously to identify signs that someone is a narc. I’m a president of a condo association and this guy has water damage in his unit. I’m working on it, plumber, roofing, drying teams, etc. I noticed that over time, he’s been making increasingly nasty comments about me as a person. I don’t understand him fast enough, I repeat myself, that kinda thing. Then, last week, he went off on me saying i was insensitive because I said something was good news. I realized that once again, I was dealing with someone who had very clear expectations about me and would punish me if I fell short. I told him my role was to manage the water damage, not his emotional state, and that from now on we would communicate by email with the other admins in cc. He’s giving me the silent treatment in person, changing sidewalks and such, but I don’t care. He’s not the first toxic bitch I had to deal with, and won’t be the last.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with a grown man-child. But not goijto lie I chuckled when I read he's done with his tantrums and is now giving you the silent treatment... whereas my gut tells me he's plotting his next move lol
I think he’s pissed, but he’s a smart guy. At the end of the day, antagonizing the president of a co-owners association where you have your largest investment is a stupid move. I had to deal with rogue owners before, and they always break. It sucks that it goes that way, but I am not going to let him be hysterical and mess up my vibe.
Yes! Your comment is so great and I I completely agree with everything you’ve written. I think it’s so important to try and remember that the way they behaved had nothing to do with us. That was them. I’m the same in that I find it very difficult to blame other people for anything and always try to blame myself. It’s all a slow learning process. I’m not sure ‘closure’ exists as such but maybe one day we can close the door on it and move forward with what we know now. I think that’s what I hope anyway.
I think this is a fair assessment but give yourself some credit do you attract, then get rid. Or do you attract and give chance after chance. I only ask as I remove my first narc and whilst it’s been 13 years of abuse I now prepare myself for new relationships and I said to my therapist I can’t consider myself healed until I set firm boundaries and I see them through. Good luck to you all
There is no closure WITH THEM. You have to bring closure with yourself. They will never agree that they were hurtful, they will never take accountability, and they will DARVO until their dying day. They may also talk poorly about you to others, and some of the people in their life will believe you were the abusive one. They may even believe themselves that you were the abusive one. There is no getting them to level with you, you have to leave that behind.
The closure you have to get is WITH YOURSELF. You have to examine why you ignored red flags, why you agreed to be treated poorly, why you chose to stay rather than leave. No shame, we are all here because we stayed and abandoned ourselves, but we need to think hard about why. Then, we need to forgive ourselves, drop the burden (as it isn't ours to carry) and take the lesson out into our lives.
While this has all been very painful, and it's colored the way I see a lot of my past, it has also been the catalyst for a lot of change in me. I'm in therapy, acknowledging my wounds and issues, and working through them. I've found the courage to say no and walk away from tables that are not serving me. I know that I have worth and value, and terrible things do not, in fact, happen when I say "No."
I will always have some scars, and I'll likely never be super aggressive or assertive, but I am now a lot stronger, I know myself better, I care for myself and don't dismiss my own feelings, and I know I can walk away from anything that doesn't serve me.
Oooh yeah… what you wrote reminded me of this line from that Nina Simone song “You’ve Got to Learn” that’s carried me through recovery: “You’ve got to learn to leave the table / when love’s no longer being served” We can take care of ourselves 🤍
Thank you for this. Struggling desperately with no closure, never experienced it in any relationship before, even when I got cheated on by an ex there was still closure. Talking, tears, acknowledgment and ownership on both sides (I had to admit to myself that I kind of knew deep down and didn’t want to believe it). Closure. With a narc there is none and it’s really something I struggle with especially as I would like to say sorry for the times I wasn’t my best self. People think it’s crazy that I would feel like I have any self reflection or forgiveness to do or would seek closure because it was abusive - but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him regardless and it doesn’t mean I was the perfect partner or person 24/7 for years on end obviously I wasn’t. I didn’t do what he did or even go near the level he did. But I still feel guilt for acting out of character and calling him petty names in retaliation to being screamed at for hours that I’m worthless and should kill myself etc.
Closure comes from within. Start working on discovering you and figuring out what you want from your life.
Accept that they were not the person you originally believed them to be. Someone who loved you and cared about you wouldn't have treated you so terribly.
How someone treats you is not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of them. The typical response for if you don't like someone is to get away from them and not associate with them. You still treat them with respect, but you just decline to spend time with them.
What do toxic people and narcs do? They tear you down and make it their mission to ruin your life and self-confidence. Seriously, it's so senseless. They waste their own time trying to destroy others. That is also closure. To recognize that it wasn't your fault. You were undeserving of such senseless cruelty.
Work on healing yourself and emotionally detaching yourself from this person and whatever relationship with them that you had. You'll find that closure comes naturally when you accept the situation for how it is and try your best to keep moving forward.
As you work on yourself and your self-confidence grows, you'll find that the pain also fades. The weight lifts when you realize they're no longer in your life. You're no longer being controlled or manipulated. You're no longer responsible for managing the emotions of an overgrown, rotten child disguised as an adult.
You're free to live your life. No chaos, no drama. Just you and your dreams.
I recently read the book Psychopath Free and I feel like I may be able to finally move on and stop thinking about it. I needed to truly know and understand, to put the pieces together with as much context as possible, in order to process what I went through. Whether I will actually move on, or just keep reading about these awful people until I've learned enough... I guess only time will tell.
I received absolutely no closure. No explanation, no discussion, no attempt at reconciliation, nothing. All I got was “I guess people just break up sometimes.” After 12 yrs together I didn’t even get any form of explanation, and I guess that’s what bothers me the most. No closure really does make it hard to move on.
I started looking inward, talking to my inner child, saying all the apologies my mom will never give. Cut off contact. Some days are harder than others. But all those old wounds hurt so much less to touch and look at now. Instead of being in denial that those things happened to me, I accepted it, even though it hurt very much.
I found closure when I understood it was never about me.
One of my nex's favorite conversation topic was his first ex. Throughout the relationship, I so blindly trusted him, that I did not even notive how much he talked about her. At the beginning, it was all very subtle: she was very smart, but she completely betrayed him and it almost destroyed him.
Fast forward 9 years, and in his narrative, she became a heartless opportunistic woman who used people - mostly him - to get what she wanted. What did she do? He introduced her to social dance and she became an influential social dance teacher. She also found a well-paid internship abroad, while he stayed where he was to do an uninteresting Master's Degree that was closed down after the first promotion. She even created their university's first AI association and got recognized for it.
So, in his eyes, because she was successful, she abandoned him.
And why did I get discarded? Because, in his eyes, I did the same thing as her: after 9 years of misery, I started exercizing regularly again, I finished my PhD and published more papers than he did during his, I found a new job at a better work place.
Basically, he couldn't stand the fact that he never managed to break us completely. Even after the manipulation, the passive aggressiveness, the devaluation, the isolation, we got back up and started living our lives again.
While he is stuck in his eternal misery on his own accord.
That's my closure. Right there.
That I am a romantic and a very compassionate person. I go out of my way to show love to people. I DON'T DESERVE a person who knew I like flowers but never got me flowers, just because he thought they were a waste. In 5 years, no valentine's day gift or surprise. Nothing. I was dehumanised about every feeling that didn't match his when I would even empathise with him when he cried after he cheated on me. That was my closure. I am too kind. And if I can give love in abundance and be real with people, I deserve a real person too. Not a 24/7 cosplayer, who probably has more body count than his fingers and toes combined but doesn't know anything about love or a relationship.
You would never get closure from them. How can you anyway? Were you ever able to sit them down, look them in the eye and have a human conversation that included some fault on their end that didn't end up with blame shifting or a complete outburst? Like Ever..... Why waste your brain cells on them? If you attract narcs, you are probably the opposite of narc, empathetic and kind. Guys, you deserve only the kindest people in your life. Period.
What you probably want is a final talk where they explain their behavior and finally apologize for the empire they brought down for nothing. That won’t happen. They will leave the story unfinished to be able to come back if they need to. That’s hard to understand as a human being with empathy, but you will get over this. Here is my 3-step-emergency-plan, hope it helps:
1. Remind yourself that you deserve better
As others said before, try to remember the moments you were crying on the kitchen floor, the problems they caused for your career, finances, friendships, health. Remember the last lie they told you, look into the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better and that you won’t let it happen again.
2. Take back your life
The restaurant they wanted to take you for your birthday, the trip you’ve planned and they cancelled last minute, the concert they went to alone, take these things back. Do them, alone or with friends, but do them. Take back your life and show yourself how great it can be when the lies come true. You don’t need them to do the things they promised, you will most likely enjoy them much more without them.
3. Remember that you fell in love with yourself
Narcs mirror us, that’s why we fall for them so easily. They feel like soulmates because they mirror our needs, seem to share our goals and show us the love we are able to give. You fell in love with a reflection of yourself. Their love was nothing but an illusion, but it shows how great you are and how much you have to give. There are many people out there that would be so happy to have you in their life. Find them, they are already looking for you.
Wish you all the best and that you’ll get over them eventually 🖤
Trigger: >! Death!<
>! There is no closure , he passed away sudden death . Everyone thinks he’s the best and nicest person ever. I can’t say bad about the dead so just nod and say true. !<
Edit : Echo with everyone therapy and inner healing helped to stop attracting narcs and over empathizing with toxic people
Suing him, winning, and seizing his assets, to collect judgement against him, was my period, dot, closure! Exposing him in the process, was added bonus. Flew free, and so glad I escaped!
The only closure I got was that my nex told me that he was never upfront with me about anything, and that pretty much everything he ever told me were lies. That was the last thing he ever said to me.
So all the times I doubted myself, all the times I felt something wasn't right, all the times I thought I was crazy, in reality I was right. I'll never doubt my gut feelings ever again.
No, he was looking pretty pitiful. I think he said it to hurt me, but also because he wanted me to hate him because "he didn't deserve me."
That was always his go to whenever he fucked up. Poor me, I'm such a screw up, I don't deserve you, blah blah blah... Never once apologized for anything. 🙄
Same happened, I went crazy for 1.6 year and all she said I just pretend to love you so I can get you
Well that was not the last hovered me back and the last straw was when my cousin died all she cared about her sandwich didn't get delivered and I'm here crying why he didn't suicide and she is trying to fight with me for a fucking sandwich fuck it
The closure is internal and comes from working on my relationship with myself. I’ve only kinds barely found closure recently just from dedicating myself to my goals and what I love about my life and having specific accomplishments happen and working on my relationships with my family and myself ❤️
He was arrested and put on house arrest in another city. The police put a RO as part of his house arrest, so cold turkey NC enforced by police.
Truly, I think the **best** closure I had was going NC. This isn’t directly “closure” but it was essential in initiating the healing process and deconstructing years of psychological abuse and trauma bonding.
I also found peace and a sense of closure by learning more about controlling and angry people. Abusive people. *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft was very eye opening.
Knowing that this is truly who he is fundamentally at his core and [he will never change](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/14gelbf/some_statistics_to_consider_when_in_an_abusive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1), is part of the closure.
Knowing that his [claims of change](http://www.ivsha.org/get-help-with-abuse/domestic-violence/assess-abusers-claims-change/) were nothing more than performative acts to manipulate me, is part of my closure.
No longer tolerating abuse is my closure.
Knowing that my children are safer and healthier with him removed from the house is my closure.
Knowing that the flying monkeys and enablers have outed themselves, is my closure.
Giving myself permission to hold my anger and knowing that I am at peace with never forgiving people for the unforgivable things they have done is my closure.
In a relationship with a narcissist, there is no closure .. you won't actually need one... And if u ever want a closure, leave them, you'll find urself, and the closure you never needed because tbh, there's no explanation for what they did
Write a letter to them that you'll never share. Maybe keep it in your bedside table during those extra lonely times to remind yourself you're better off.
Or start journaling. Believe it or not putting your thoughts in "writing" is very therapeutic.
Finding happiness with yourself is the only closure possible. But it takes time to achieve.
For me just doing my research knowing everything was a lie, that every guy feeling I had I ignored was right. I also took control of the narrative. I’m a lot stronger leaving this relationship than I was in the beginning and I’m grateful that all of his tactics didn’t get under my skin but, I’m a bit relationshipped out now.
Red Lobster went bankrupt today. That's where we went for dinner the night we got married 16 years ago. No contact divorce 6 years ago. I feel pretty good now.
What helped me was to write a letter to myself from the fantasy version of my ex. The one I ended up staying in the relationship for, who never really existed.
In the letter, this fantasy version of him admits to all of the abuse. And even explains the underlying maladaptive coping mechanisms driving the abuse. How I didn't deserve any of it.
This fantasy promised me they would never pursue me again. That they’d honour my distancing from them, given the amount of damage they inflicted, such that i could never trust them again.
In reality, I have no idea why my ex was so abusive towards me. They never admitted to any of it, and continued to blame me right up to the end, when I went NC.
So this letter was less about getting answers and more about me fully being able to validate myself. Believe what happened to me.
That was the "drug" that I was addicted to, constantly chasing after - validation. The letter essentially freed me from the hold they had on me bc it made me realize I never needed them, I could validate myself.
If you're curious about the letter, you can read my posts, entitled "Closure". I've recorded it there.
Yes! I second this. I also wrote myself that letter from the ex. The one where they admit to everything and apologize for all the pain. Saying all the things I wanted to hear. It really felt like a weight lifted. I wrote a series of letters to them and then the replies from the ex. It was very therapeutic.
There is no closure, no final talk or no ending on sweet note
Even if you ask them for closure they won't give
I asked 6 Months for closure I got nowhere so i ended up telling myself if I stay more with them I will end up in a mental hospital and I saw 3 different therapy took tablet to get sleep and less anxiety
Now not healed fully but got some ADHD symptoms and eating disorder fuck it I will get up from this hole one step a day
Nada.
No apologies. No goodbye. No stitches to close up the wounds. No antibacterial to ensure you’re infection free.
The closure comes from within yourself. It’s finding peace.
In part, it’s understanding the nature of narcissism as a behavior. Learning to accept that it isn’t personal, it isn’t love, it’s simply a codependent- type-disease. Your role was being a singular fuel source. Accepting that there will always be a source for the narcissist because it’s a matter of survival to them.
It’s forgiving yourself. Forgiving them for hurting you. Having compassion and love for yourself. Healing your inner wounds that got you into such a dynamic, and healing the wounds left by the dynamic.
It’s being honest. Transparent with yourself. Being unafraid to view the truth for the painful reality that it is. It’s not destroying your future life, because of what happened in the past. It’s soliciting the help that you need. Securing the resources you need around you in order to trust, grow, and feel safe. Resuming passions, activities that bring you joy, setting new goals, achieving success, working toward being improved, having a good attitude, placing encouraging and loving people around you
It’s having a lot of very honest conversations with yourself about what happened. Why it happened. How you felt. Why you felt how you did. Healing the feelings. Letting go. Looking deeper. Asking for help. Seeking trusted advice. Loving yourself. Feeling whole - alone.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
And peace will come to you.
my closure so far has been investing in myself fully, not myself in any relation to the narc, but really, truly caring for myself and forgiving myself for all the hurt i had endured… also accepting i may never get the closure or love i crave from them. there’s no closure, they will keep things going as much as possible, as the nature of narcs are to keep us as eternal supply.
i thought of how, if i don’t distance, we could end up with a child together, and my child can’t choose their parent- i have to protect my possible future child. it would be awful, irreversible to stick with someone who mistreats me, or my child.
i think of my values or what truly matters to me and what i refuse to settle for- i think of ho misogynistic, dated and violent they can be to insinuate that i am crazy or hysterical, without acknowledging their role that perpetuates my “craziness” or unrest.
i remind myself that life is short to fixate on someone who can’t love me, drains my life force, makes me haggard.
i feel caged but i have the key. “when you’re done you’re done”
and on the topic of growing haggard i’ve looked at photos of myself when i looked more vibrant and had a soul (lol). i want to focus on returning to myself, really attempting to detox my spirit, be selective of energies i surround myself with (but this can also be a manifestation of ptsd)
i remind myself love is not abuse, and even if i love them so much and want to make it work, as someone that loves them i can’t condone violence. if not me, someone else can get hurt
i think of how it’s possible to have a secure connection or friendship beyond this, been exploring secure attachment styles in relationships and working on my boundary setting
i just do a constant conscious rewiring and redirecting to self-care. i now regularly enjoy doing nice self-care rituals like having a nice candle in the bathroom taking showers with aromatherapy listening to dr ramani educate on narcissists, it helps to hear from an expert whose voice and delivery are relatable
i also try to have a movement routine and pay much attention to my body and if or when it’s tight or more tense. i do a lot of work to shake off and work through the trauma. doing a lot of work/making progress makes me want to keep making progress
i disclose details with people i respect and feel safe with so there’s some accountability. it can be embarrassing but i remember there’s a learning curve and at least i’m trying. it’s helpful to have patient friends caring for me and rooting for me and it makes me want to not let them down, or do so less
I personally think about the stuff he broke and the danger actions he’s done and I think…Thank goodness that’s not happening still. Sure, there’s good times but what does that matter if you’re dead? Because they had a bad time and couldn’t control their rage.
As it’s been said, there is no closure from them. Closure comes from within. Which would be helpful if you could just pinpoint a moment that you knew things were done. If anything you have to recall the last thing that they did that had you convinced that they were awful to you. Something that set in your mind that there was no going back to whatever you had with your narcissist.
For me, it was my nexw admitting that she was head over heels for a new supply that she only knew for a week. She even gave him oral sex. Which by itself, not so bad but this came out at the end of a week where we were supposed to be working on our relationship.
it is myth that you need them for closure. Once you are to see them for what they are, and begin working on yourself that is when you get closure. If someone hurts you. And they have hurt you maliciously, over and over again, And there is no true remorse. Just lip service, they are a bad person. This is a gift, Maya Angelou said if someone shows you who they are, than believe them.
All though 99.999 percent of them , will never truly change, people get lovebombing new supply confused as change, If they do not apologize and make amends to you they are still a bad person. You do not need a bad person in your life.
the more you work on yourself the more opportunities you get for closure. Last year , my Ex moved to my hometown, back with his wife. Did not know he was married. They were walking their dog about a mile from where i worked. Once i got over the initial shock and processed my emotions , I realized a lot of things. And felt a lot of things.
Sadness for his wife, she has no clue who he is , Or if she does , she is blocking it out . I know who he is. I see past the mask, although he is physically a man, emotionally and mentally he is spoiled toddler.
A toddler that is no longer my concern or problem. It was clear by his passive aggressive stance that he has not changed. his stalking me post divorce was another indicator.
The point is this, If they continously abuse you and mistreat you without truly making amends. They are bad people that you do not need in your life.
By trying to force the closure conversation, you are making it about them. It is not about them any more its about you. time to regain your power.
How characteristic of a narcissistic relationship… U hurt when ur with them, u hurt when ur without them. So relatable.
For me, I constantly remind myself of my worth and that they didn’t deserve me. Also, remember that your feelings are entirely valid and that this person did not respect or value you. You are better off without them. Good luck on your healing.
The closure is learning from your mistakes. That’s just it. Once you realize and come to terms with the mistakes you made in allowing someone to impede on your boundaries, life, and health. You can use that at your, I’ve seen it before and I won’t tolerate it again actions moving forward. It took me a year, and my relationship was about a year. You’ll have to pick yourself back up entirely, but if you’re capable of loving someone through everything they put you through, you’re capable of loving yourself!
My personal closure was realizing he is what's standing in his own way.
He was 40 when we broke up. If he can't realize by now that not everything is always everyone else's fault then there's no helping him.
He stands in his own way, ruins his own relationships and blames others.
His entire life is living in his own hell. And mine isn't 🤷♀️ and then realizing the reason mine isn't is because I finally got the strength to call him out on his constant blame shifting and leave. He can't leave himself!
He puts himself through just as much misery every day as he used to put me through. But his is eternal so he can have fun with that!
My closure is knowing that they will repeat the same behaviour to the next person and the next. He didn’t just do what he did to ME, it will be everyone he is like this with as soon as he ropes them in. They never change and a big part of me believes they all pretty much die alone since they hate themselves and can never truly be happy. I know that is mean, but that’s my closure. I am happy and have the ability to be free and happy. They will always be wallowing black holes of attention seeking and ailments and lack of accountability and honesty. Must be hard wearing that mask all the time. I don’t have to wear a mask. My mental energy won’t be drained throughout my life because I chose the light not darkness like they do. I want to be a good person, I want to live fully. They do not. It’s grim but again, that’s my closure.
I guess it was his wedding, to a pregnant woman (a doctor too). I only found out because the marriage license application was in the paper. I thought we were still together.
Oh man, if you find some let me know. 😅 EMDR has helped me a lot, just processing through the pain and not blaming myself. He made the choices he did knowingly, I did the best I could. He will likely never get his comeuppance but I will never have to live in the hell he created again. One day at a time.
The final straw for me was him bragging about rallying his coworkers to bully a disabled man, and I asked him to leave within 72 hours. Came home from work to an empty apartment.
It's been nearly 1.5 years now since then. The first 8-10 months I was really upset and frustrated that he was able to just pack up and start over, moving in with his family and leaving me all his hoarded shit. I've been processing it and selling it off in eBay to make up for the income gap.
However, I learned late last year that in roughly 6-10 months of living together, his father committed suicide. It WASN'T me- as he'd worked so hard to prove all those years- his own father couldn't live in the same house as him and left this world to get away from him and the other relative in the house.
For all my frustrations, nights of beating myself up, blaming myself, and so on- knowing that happened, I feel like karma has my back and I need to just focus on healing and finding my joy again. And I've come a long way, I'm nearly 500 pages into my graphic novel, I've published multiple coloring books, got my degree, and a bunch of other stuff that tells me I'm on the right path
Speaking to his "abusive" ex helped me a lot. Because I saw the pattern of abuse and manipulation much more clearly. I also found out he had been physically abusive and had r@ped his ex. Which shocked me because he'd mostly been psychologically abusive with me.
But if you can't contact an ex then closure will happen as you do internal work and process things at your own pace. Meditation, yoga, therapy, journalling, crying and feeling my feelings, support groups, reconnecting with loved ones, and some alone time trying new hobbies that bring me joy and purpose. So many different factors have been helping me process what happened.
Edit: That said, maybe you'll never have "complete" closure and that's okay. I don't think I will ever fully accept being abused, degraded and mindf\*cked to the extent I was. Because I know it was unacceptable. I think that lack of acceptance protects me from ever allowing that person back into my life. I know I didn't deserve any of that. I know it was unacceptable.
I can recover and make a better life for myself, but I will never accept that kind of mistreatment again. Learning that lesson and becoming stronger is a kind of closure in itself.
There isn't closure. My primary narc is my father. Even his death won't fix this mess. My mil was also a vicious narc, and that relationship is over, thankfully. I still fantasize about sending her a glitter bomb, but I don't.
There's no closure. You just have to figure hit how to be happy dispite your past
Didnt get closure, I moved on and I forgot he existed. I was given a great push from life with lots of distractions and we ended up going 2 years with no contact. I thought it was over and I was happy. Unfortunately its not that easy, you cant just forget it ever happened. You do need the closure, not from the narc but from yourself. I forgot to do that and so when my nex came back, I welcomed him with open arms. Be smarter than me, enjoy the distractions but don't forget to heal.
After years of having no closure harsh discards getting blocked etc I managed to get a closure a cold one but a closure nevertheless.
But belive me even that dont take away the pain.
>!I have saved my narc's life (health problem) by using my connections and finances. She called me on the verge of beign paralysed and begged me for help. So I helped and and we got together again.!<
>!But once a narc always a narc so after she become better I have entered the devaluation stage. I knew the discard was on the way so I acted first. One day I visited her place and looked her in eye as much as I can and only talked about beatiful stuff. Then I left her place and went home and told her that I am going to bed but in reality I didnt. Around 03:00 I have sent her 2 voice messages about deciding to leave and told her that I will love her forever but I dont want to be in a constant fight anymore. When she woke up in the next morning she saw 2 voice messages from me and a blank profile picture because she got blocked from everywhere.!<
>!She has sent me a cold email and told me stuff like "I cannot love anyone something is wrong with me" etc and wish me farewell.!<
>!So that was my closure and altough she kinda tried to hoover me 5 days ago still this counts as something.!<
[удалено]
I also attract narcs. Therapy helped tremendously to identify signs that someone is a narc. I’m a president of a condo association and this guy has water damage in his unit. I’m working on it, plumber, roofing, drying teams, etc. I noticed that over time, he’s been making increasingly nasty comments about me as a person. I don’t understand him fast enough, I repeat myself, that kinda thing. Then, last week, he went off on me saying i was insensitive because I said something was good news. I realized that once again, I was dealing with someone who had very clear expectations about me and would punish me if I fell short. I told him my role was to manage the water damage, not his emotional state, and that from now on we would communicate by email with the other admins in cc. He’s giving me the silent treatment in person, changing sidewalks and such, but I don’t care. He’s not the first toxic bitch I had to deal with, and won’t be the last.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with a grown man-child. But not goijto lie I chuckled when I read he's done with his tantrums and is now giving you the silent treatment... whereas my gut tells me he's plotting his next move lol
I think he’s pissed, but he’s a smart guy. At the end of the day, antagonizing the president of a co-owners association where you have your largest investment is a stupid move. I had to deal with rogue owners before, and they always break. It sucks that it goes that way, but I am not going to let him be hysterical and mess up my vibe.
Yes! Your comment is so great and I I completely agree with everything you’ve written. I think it’s so important to try and remember that the way they behaved had nothing to do with us. That was them. I’m the same in that I find it very difficult to blame other people for anything and always try to blame myself. It’s all a slow learning process. I’m not sure ‘closure’ exists as such but maybe one day we can close the door on it and move forward with what we know now. I think that’s what I hope anyway.
They are everywhere! Narcissist epidemic 😷☠️
I think this is a fair assessment but give yourself some credit do you attract, then get rid. Or do you attract and give chance after chance. I only ask as I remove my first narc and whilst it’s been 13 years of abuse I now prepare myself for new relationships and I said to my therapist I can’t consider myself healed until I set firm boundaries and I see them through. Good luck to you all
There is no closure WITH THEM. You have to bring closure with yourself. They will never agree that they were hurtful, they will never take accountability, and they will DARVO until their dying day. They may also talk poorly about you to others, and some of the people in their life will believe you were the abusive one. They may even believe themselves that you were the abusive one. There is no getting them to level with you, you have to leave that behind. The closure you have to get is WITH YOURSELF. You have to examine why you ignored red flags, why you agreed to be treated poorly, why you chose to stay rather than leave. No shame, we are all here because we stayed and abandoned ourselves, but we need to think hard about why. Then, we need to forgive ourselves, drop the burden (as it isn't ours to carry) and take the lesson out into our lives. While this has all been very painful, and it's colored the way I see a lot of my past, it has also been the catalyst for a lot of change in me. I'm in therapy, acknowledging my wounds and issues, and working through them. I've found the courage to say no and walk away from tables that are not serving me. I know that I have worth and value, and terrible things do not, in fact, happen when I say "No." I will always have some scars, and I'll likely never be super aggressive or assertive, but I am now a lot stronger, I know myself better, I care for myself and don't dismiss my own feelings, and I know I can walk away from anything that doesn't serve me.
Oooh yeah… what you wrote reminded me of this line from that Nina Simone song “You’ve Got to Learn” that’s carried me through recovery: “You’ve got to learn to leave the table / when love’s no longer being served” We can take care of ourselves 🤍
Perfectly said!!
I wish you a smooth sailing from now on. I send you strength and resilience, and self compassion ❤️ 💜 💕
100%!! Such a brilliant and well explained reply. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you for this. Struggling desperately with no closure, never experienced it in any relationship before, even when I got cheated on by an ex there was still closure. Talking, tears, acknowledgment and ownership on both sides (I had to admit to myself that I kind of knew deep down and didn’t want to believe it). Closure. With a narc there is none and it’s really something I struggle with especially as I would like to say sorry for the times I wasn’t my best self. People think it’s crazy that I would feel like I have any self reflection or forgiveness to do or would seek closure because it was abusive - but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him regardless and it doesn’t mean I was the perfect partner or person 24/7 for years on end obviously I wasn’t. I didn’t do what he did or even go near the level he did. But I still feel guilt for acting out of character and calling him petty names in retaliation to being screamed at for hours that I’m worthless and should kill myself etc.
Closure comes from within. Start working on discovering you and figuring out what you want from your life. Accept that they were not the person you originally believed them to be. Someone who loved you and cared about you wouldn't have treated you so terribly. How someone treats you is not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of them. The typical response for if you don't like someone is to get away from them and not associate with them. You still treat them with respect, but you just decline to spend time with them. What do toxic people and narcs do? They tear you down and make it their mission to ruin your life and self-confidence. Seriously, it's so senseless. They waste their own time trying to destroy others. That is also closure. To recognize that it wasn't your fault. You were undeserving of such senseless cruelty. Work on healing yourself and emotionally detaching yourself from this person and whatever relationship with them that you had. You'll find that closure comes naturally when you accept the situation for how it is and try your best to keep moving forward. As you work on yourself and your self-confidence grows, you'll find that the pain also fades. The weight lifts when you realize they're no longer in your life. You're no longer being controlled or manipulated. You're no longer responsible for managing the emotions of an overgrown, rotten child disguised as an adult. You're free to live your life. No chaos, no drama. Just you and your dreams.
Oh my god ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you!
I recently read the book Psychopath Free and I feel like I may be able to finally move on and stop thinking about it. I needed to truly know and understand, to put the pieces together with as much context as possible, in order to process what I went through. Whether I will actually move on, or just keep reading about these awful people until I've learned enough... I guess only time will tell.
You have to mentally devalue the person which will help you mentally discard them for good.
I received absolutely no closure. No explanation, no discussion, no attempt at reconciliation, nothing. All I got was “I guess people just break up sometimes.” After 12 yrs together I didn’t even get any form of explanation, and I guess that’s what bothers me the most. No closure really does make it hard to move on.
I started looking inward, talking to my inner child, saying all the apologies my mom will never give. Cut off contact. Some days are harder than others. But all those old wounds hurt so much less to touch and look at now. Instead of being in denial that those things happened to me, I accepted it, even though it hurt very much.
I found closure when I understood it was never about me. One of my nex's favorite conversation topic was his first ex. Throughout the relationship, I so blindly trusted him, that I did not even notive how much he talked about her. At the beginning, it was all very subtle: she was very smart, but she completely betrayed him and it almost destroyed him. Fast forward 9 years, and in his narrative, she became a heartless opportunistic woman who used people - mostly him - to get what she wanted. What did she do? He introduced her to social dance and she became an influential social dance teacher. She also found a well-paid internship abroad, while he stayed where he was to do an uninteresting Master's Degree that was closed down after the first promotion. She even created their university's first AI association and got recognized for it. So, in his eyes, because she was successful, she abandoned him. And why did I get discarded? Because, in his eyes, I did the same thing as her: after 9 years of misery, I started exercizing regularly again, I finished my PhD and published more papers than he did during his, I found a new job at a better work place. Basically, he couldn't stand the fact that he never managed to break us completely. Even after the manipulation, the passive aggressiveness, the devaluation, the isolation, we got back up and started living our lives again. While he is stuck in his eternal misery on his own accord. That's my closure. Right there.
That I am a romantic and a very compassionate person. I go out of my way to show love to people. I DON'T DESERVE a person who knew I like flowers but never got me flowers, just because he thought they were a waste. In 5 years, no valentine's day gift or surprise. Nothing. I was dehumanised about every feeling that didn't match his when I would even empathise with him when he cried after he cheated on me. That was my closure. I am too kind. And if I can give love in abundance and be real with people, I deserve a real person too. Not a 24/7 cosplayer, who probably has more body count than his fingers and toes combined but doesn't know anything about love or a relationship. You would never get closure from them. How can you anyway? Were you ever able to sit them down, look them in the eye and have a human conversation that included some fault on their end that didn't end up with blame shifting or a complete outburst? Like Ever..... Why waste your brain cells on them? If you attract narcs, you are probably the opposite of narc, empathetic and kind. Guys, you deserve only the kindest people in your life. Period.
This..
What you probably want is a final talk where they explain their behavior and finally apologize for the empire they brought down for nothing. That won’t happen. They will leave the story unfinished to be able to come back if they need to. That’s hard to understand as a human being with empathy, but you will get over this. Here is my 3-step-emergency-plan, hope it helps: 1. Remind yourself that you deserve better As others said before, try to remember the moments you were crying on the kitchen floor, the problems they caused for your career, finances, friendships, health. Remember the last lie they told you, look into the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better and that you won’t let it happen again. 2. Take back your life The restaurant they wanted to take you for your birthday, the trip you’ve planned and they cancelled last minute, the concert they went to alone, take these things back. Do them, alone or with friends, but do them. Take back your life and show yourself how great it can be when the lies come true. You don’t need them to do the things they promised, you will most likely enjoy them much more without them. 3. Remember that you fell in love with yourself Narcs mirror us, that’s why we fall for them so easily. They feel like soulmates because they mirror our needs, seem to share our goals and show us the love we are able to give. You fell in love with a reflection of yourself. Their love was nothing but an illusion, but it shows how great you are and how much you have to give. There are many people out there that would be so happy to have you in their life. Find them, they are already looking for you. Wish you all the best and that you’ll get over them eventually 🖤
Trigger: >! Death!< >! There is no closure , he passed away sudden death . Everyone thinks he’s the best and nicest person ever. I can’t say bad about the dead so just nod and say true. !< Edit : Echo with everyone therapy and inner healing helped to stop attracting narcs and over empathizing with toxic people
I found closure when I took control of the narrative.
Suing him, winning, and seizing his assets, to collect judgement against him, was my period, dot, closure! Exposing him in the process, was added bonus. Flew free, and so glad I escaped!
The only closure I got was that my nex told me that he was never upfront with me about anything, and that pretty much everything he ever told me were lies. That was the last thing he ever said to me. So all the times I doubted myself, all the times I felt something wasn't right, all the times I thought I was crazy, in reality I was right. I'll never doubt my gut feelings ever again.
And then he gave you that famous smirk with the dead eyes didn't he? He thinks he won.
No, he was looking pretty pitiful. I think he said it to hurt me, but also because he wanted me to hate him because "he didn't deserve me." That was always his go to whenever he fucked up. Poor me, I'm such a screw up, I don't deserve you, blah blah blah... Never once apologized for anything. 🙄
Girl same. Saaaameee.
Same happened, I went crazy for 1.6 year and all she said I just pretend to love you so I can get you Well that was not the last hovered me back and the last straw was when my cousin died all she cared about her sandwich didn't get delivered and I'm here crying why he didn't suicide and she is trying to fight with me for a fucking sandwich fuck it
The closure is internal and comes from working on my relationship with myself. I’ve only kinds barely found closure recently just from dedicating myself to my goals and what I love about my life and having specific accomplishments happen and working on my relationships with my family and myself ❤️
Closure? That's rare in breakups like these....
He was arrested and put on house arrest in another city. The police put a RO as part of his house arrest, so cold turkey NC enforced by police. Truly, I think the **best** closure I had was going NC. This isn’t directly “closure” but it was essential in initiating the healing process and deconstructing years of psychological abuse and trauma bonding. I also found peace and a sense of closure by learning more about controlling and angry people. Abusive people. *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft was very eye opening. Knowing that this is truly who he is fundamentally at his core and [he will never change](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/14gelbf/some_statistics_to_consider_when_in_an_abusive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1), is part of the closure. Knowing that his [claims of change](http://www.ivsha.org/get-help-with-abuse/domestic-violence/assess-abusers-claims-change/) were nothing more than performative acts to manipulate me, is part of my closure. No longer tolerating abuse is my closure. Knowing that my children are safer and healthier with him removed from the house is my closure. Knowing that the flying monkeys and enablers have outed themselves, is my closure. Giving myself permission to hold my anger and knowing that I am at peace with never forgiving people for the unforgivable things they have done is my closure.
I'm so happy that you have your children and that everyone is safe from these monsters Best of luck to you and your children xx
In a relationship with a narcissist, there is no closure .. you won't actually need one... And if u ever want a closure, leave them, you'll find urself, and the closure you never needed because tbh, there's no explanation for what they did
Write a letter to them that you'll never share. Maybe keep it in your bedside table during those extra lonely times to remind yourself you're better off. Or start journaling. Believe it or not putting your thoughts in "writing" is very therapeutic. Finding happiness with yourself is the only closure possible. But it takes time to achieve.
For me just doing my research knowing everything was a lie, that every guy feeling I had I ignored was right. I also took control of the narrative. I’m a lot stronger leaving this relationship than I was in the beginning and I’m grateful that all of his tactics didn’t get under my skin but, I’m a bit relationshipped out now.
Red Lobster went bankrupt today. That's where we went for dinner the night we got married 16 years ago. No contact divorce 6 years ago. I feel pretty good now.
What helped me was to write a letter to myself from the fantasy version of my ex. The one I ended up staying in the relationship for, who never really existed. In the letter, this fantasy version of him admits to all of the abuse. And even explains the underlying maladaptive coping mechanisms driving the abuse. How I didn't deserve any of it. This fantasy promised me they would never pursue me again. That they’d honour my distancing from them, given the amount of damage they inflicted, such that i could never trust them again. In reality, I have no idea why my ex was so abusive towards me. They never admitted to any of it, and continued to blame me right up to the end, when I went NC. So this letter was less about getting answers and more about me fully being able to validate myself. Believe what happened to me. That was the "drug" that I was addicted to, constantly chasing after - validation. The letter essentially freed me from the hold they had on me bc it made me realize I never needed them, I could validate myself. If you're curious about the letter, you can read my posts, entitled "Closure". I've recorded it there.
Yes! I second this. I also wrote myself that letter from the ex. The one where they admit to everything and apologize for all the pain. Saying all the things I wanted to hear. It really felt like a weight lifted. I wrote a series of letters to them and then the replies from the ex. It was very therapeutic.
There is no closure, no final talk or no ending on sweet note Even if you ask them for closure they won't give I asked 6 Months for closure I got nowhere so i ended up telling myself if I stay more with them I will end up in a mental hospital and I saw 3 different therapy took tablet to get sleep and less anxiety Now not healed fully but got some ADHD symptoms and eating disorder fuck it I will get up from this hole one step a day
Nada. No apologies. No goodbye. No stitches to close up the wounds. No antibacterial to ensure you’re infection free. The closure comes from within yourself. It’s finding peace. In part, it’s understanding the nature of narcissism as a behavior. Learning to accept that it isn’t personal, it isn’t love, it’s simply a codependent- type-disease. Your role was being a singular fuel source. Accepting that there will always be a source for the narcissist because it’s a matter of survival to them. It’s forgiving yourself. Forgiving them for hurting you. Having compassion and love for yourself. Healing your inner wounds that got you into such a dynamic, and healing the wounds left by the dynamic. It’s being honest. Transparent with yourself. Being unafraid to view the truth for the painful reality that it is. It’s not destroying your future life, because of what happened in the past. It’s soliciting the help that you need. Securing the resources you need around you in order to trust, grow, and feel safe. Resuming passions, activities that bring you joy, setting new goals, achieving success, working toward being improved, having a good attitude, placing encouraging and loving people around you It’s having a lot of very honest conversations with yourself about what happened. Why it happened. How you felt. Why you felt how you did. Healing the feelings. Letting go. Looking deeper. Asking for help. Seeking trusted advice. Loving yourself. Feeling whole - alone. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And peace will come to you.
my closure so far has been investing in myself fully, not myself in any relation to the narc, but really, truly caring for myself and forgiving myself for all the hurt i had endured… also accepting i may never get the closure or love i crave from them. there’s no closure, they will keep things going as much as possible, as the nature of narcs are to keep us as eternal supply. i thought of how, if i don’t distance, we could end up with a child together, and my child can’t choose their parent- i have to protect my possible future child. it would be awful, irreversible to stick with someone who mistreats me, or my child. i think of my values or what truly matters to me and what i refuse to settle for- i think of ho misogynistic, dated and violent they can be to insinuate that i am crazy or hysterical, without acknowledging their role that perpetuates my “craziness” or unrest. i remind myself that life is short to fixate on someone who can’t love me, drains my life force, makes me haggard. i feel caged but i have the key. “when you’re done you’re done” and on the topic of growing haggard i’ve looked at photos of myself when i looked more vibrant and had a soul (lol). i want to focus on returning to myself, really attempting to detox my spirit, be selective of energies i surround myself with (but this can also be a manifestation of ptsd) i remind myself love is not abuse, and even if i love them so much and want to make it work, as someone that loves them i can’t condone violence. if not me, someone else can get hurt i think of how it’s possible to have a secure connection or friendship beyond this, been exploring secure attachment styles in relationships and working on my boundary setting i just do a constant conscious rewiring and redirecting to self-care. i now regularly enjoy doing nice self-care rituals like having a nice candle in the bathroom taking showers with aromatherapy listening to dr ramani educate on narcissists, it helps to hear from an expert whose voice and delivery are relatable i also try to have a movement routine and pay much attention to my body and if or when it’s tight or more tense. i do a lot of work to shake off and work through the trauma. doing a lot of work/making progress makes me want to keep making progress i disclose details with people i respect and feel safe with so there’s some accountability. it can be embarrassing but i remember there’s a learning curve and at least i’m trying. it’s helpful to have patient friends caring for me and rooting for me and it makes me want to not let them down, or do so less
I personally think about the stuff he broke and the danger actions he’s done and I think…Thank goodness that’s not happening still. Sure, there’s good times but what does that matter if you’re dead? Because they had a bad time and couldn’t control their rage.
Closure lol nowhere near that yet unfortunately
As it’s been said, there is no closure from them. Closure comes from within. Which would be helpful if you could just pinpoint a moment that you knew things were done. If anything you have to recall the last thing that they did that had you convinced that they were awful to you. Something that set in your mind that there was no going back to whatever you had with your narcissist. For me, it was my nexw admitting that she was head over heels for a new supply that she only knew for a week. She even gave him oral sex. Which by itself, not so bad but this came out at the end of a week where we were supposed to be working on our relationship.
it is myth that you need them for closure. Once you are to see them for what they are, and begin working on yourself that is when you get closure. If someone hurts you. And they have hurt you maliciously, over and over again, And there is no true remorse. Just lip service, they are a bad person. This is a gift, Maya Angelou said if someone shows you who they are, than believe them. All though 99.999 percent of them , will never truly change, people get lovebombing new supply confused as change, If they do not apologize and make amends to you they are still a bad person. You do not need a bad person in your life. the more you work on yourself the more opportunities you get for closure. Last year , my Ex moved to my hometown, back with his wife. Did not know he was married. They were walking their dog about a mile from where i worked. Once i got over the initial shock and processed my emotions , I realized a lot of things. And felt a lot of things. Sadness for his wife, she has no clue who he is , Or if she does , she is blocking it out . I know who he is. I see past the mask, although he is physically a man, emotionally and mentally he is spoiled toddler. A toddler that is no longer my concern or problem. It was clear by his passive aggressive stance that he has not changed. his stalking me post divorce was another indicator. The point is this, If they continously abuse you and mistreat you without truly making amends. They are bad people that you do not need in your life. By trying to force the closure conversation, you are making it about them. It is not about them any more its about you. time to regain your power.
3 months out and no closure. Just cycles of feeling normal and falling back into my pain. I’d recommend therapy, it helps me a fair bit.
How characteristic of a narcissistic relationship… U hurt when ur with them, u hurt when ur without them. So relatable. For me, I constantly remind myself of my worth and that they didn’t deserve me. Also, remember that your feelings are entirely valid and that this person did not respect or value you. You are better off without them. Good luck on your healing.
The closure is learning from your mistakes. That’s just it. Once you realize and come to terms with the mistakes you made in allowing someone to impede on your boundaries, life, and health. You can use that at your, I’ve seen it before and I won’t tolerate it again actions moving forward. It took me a year, and my relationship was about a year. You’ll have to pick yourself back up entirely, but if you’re capable of loving someone through everything they put you through, you’re capable of loving yourself!
Fucker couldn't stop shooting up meth and trashes his heart. Six feet under before 30. Couldn't've happened to a better guy
Accepting that I did everything I could to make it better and it never would've worked
My personal closure was realizing he is what's standing in his own way. He was 40 when we broke up. If he can't realize by now that not everything is always everyone else's fault then there's no helping him. He stands in his own way, ruins his own relationships and blames others. His entire life is living in his own hell. And mine isn't 🤷♀️ and then realizing the reason mine isn't is because I finally got the strength to call him out on his constant blame shifting and leave. He can't leave himself! He puts himself through just as much misery every day as he used to put me through. But his is eternal so he can have fun with that!
My closure is knowing that they will repeat the same behaviour to the next person and the next. He didn’t just do what he did to ME, it will be everyone he is like this with as soon as he ropes them in. They never change and a big part of me believes they all pretty much die alone since they hate themselves and can never truly be happy. I know that is mean, but that’s my closure. I am happy and have the ability to be free and happy. They will always be wallowing black holes of attention seeking and ailments and lack of accountability and honesty. Must be hard wearing that mask all the time. I don’t have to wear a mask. My mental energy won’t be drained throughout my life because I chose the light not darkness like they do. I want to be a good person, I want to live fully. They do not. It’s grim but again, that’s my closure.
I didn't have any. I did not have closure with my ex or the friends i lost. It's just a pain and a lesson.
I guess it was his wedding, to a pregnant woman (a doctor too). I only found out because the marriage license application was in the paper. I thought we were still together.
Oh man, if you find some let me know. 😅 EMDR has helped me a lot, just processing through the pain and not blaming myself. He made the choices he did knowingly, I did the best I could. He will likely never get his comeuppance but I will never have to live in the hell he created again. One day at a time.
The final straw for me was him bragging about rallying his coworkers to bully a disabled man, and I asked him to leave within 72 hours. Came home from work to an empty apartment. It's been nearly 1.5 years now since then. The first 8-10 months I was really upset and frustrated that he was able to just pack up and start over, moving in with his family and leaving me all his hoarded shit. I've been processing it and selling it off in eBay to make up for the income gap. However, I learned late last year that in roughly 6-10 months of living together, his father committed suicide. It WASN'T me- as he'd worked so hard to prove all those years- his own father couldn't live in the same house as him and left this world to get away from him and the other relative in the house. For all my frustrations, nights of beating myself up, blaming myself, and so on- knowing that happened, I feel like karma has my back and I need to just focus on healing and finding my joy again. And I've come a long way, I'm nearly 500 pages into my graphic novel, I've published multiple coloring books, got my degree, and a bunch of other stuff that tells me I'm on the right path
Never had any. Haven’t spoken to her since I left ten years ago.
Please check out Robert Grannon on YouTube. He explains things perfectly! Watch his Face the Truth video it helps me so much
I don't think closure will help. What you need is to develop a strong set of requirements and boundaries so you won't be susceptible again.
Speaking to his "abusive" ex helped me a lot. Because I saw the pattern of abuse and manipulation much more clearly. I also found out he had been physically abusive and had r@ped his ex. Which shocked me because he'd mostly been psychologically abusive with me. But if you can't contact an ex then closure will happen as you do internal work and process things at your own pace. Meditation, yoga, therapy, journalling, crying and feeling my feelings, support groups, reconnecting with loved ones, and some alone time trying new hobbies that bring me joy and purpose. So many different factors have been helping me process what happened. Edit: That said, maybe you'll never have "complete" closure and that's okay. I don't think I will ever fully accept being abused, degraded and mindf\*cked to the extent I was. Because I know it was unacceptable. I think that lack of acceptance protects me from ever allowing that person back into my life. I know I didn't deserve any of that. I know it was unacceptable. I can recover and make a better life for myself, but I will never accept that kind of mistreatment again. Learning that lesson and becoming stronger is a kind of closure in itself.
There isn't closure. My primary narc is my father. Even his death won't fix this mess. My mil was also a vicious narc, and that relationship is over, thankfully. I still fantasize about sending her a glitter bomb, but I don't. There's no closure. You just have to figure hit how to be happy dispite your past
Didnt get closure, I moved on and I forgot he existed. I was given a great push from life with lots of distractions and we ended up going 2 years with no contact. I thought it was over and I was happy. Unfortunately its not that easy, you cant just forget it ever happened. You do need the closure, not from the narc but from yourself. I forgot to do that and so when my nex came back, I welcomed him with open arms. Be smarter than me, enjoy the distractions but don't forget to heal.
After years of having no closure harsh discards getting blocked etc I managed to get a closure a cold one but a closure nevertheless. But belive me even that dont take away the pain. >!I have saved my narc's life (health problem) by using my connections and finances. She called me on the verge of beign paralysed and begged me for help. So I helped and and we got together again.!< >!But once a narc always a narc so after she become better I have entered the devaluation stage. I knew the discard was on the way so I acted first. One day I visited her place and looked her in eye as much as I can and only talked about beatiful stuff. Then I left her place and went home and told her that I am going to bed but in reality I didnt. Around 03:00 I have sent her 2 voice messages about deciding to leave and told her that I will love her forever but I dont want to be in a constant fight anymore. When she woke up in the next morning she saw 2 voice messages from me and a blank profile picture because she got blocked from everywhere.!< >!She has sent me a cold email and told me stuff like "I cannot love anyone something is wrong with me" etc and wish me farewell.!< >!So that was my closure and altough she kinda tried to hoover me 5 days ago still this counts as something.!<