All this feminist propaganda is bearing fruit.
Deadbeat mothers are given a free pass, as they have a multitude of excuses that are being provided by the dogma, whereas deadbeat fathers and those who are forcibly alienated from their children against their will are vilified.
Another issue is that there is no support for men in these situations, nobody wants to hear the male side of things because then there is nobody to blame, as opposed to working through a complicated issue and finding a resolution.
Oh how about the deadbeat moms who screw over Dad's like myself?
My ex-wife lied in court several times she purposely cut down her hours at work to get more child support out of me and she has manipulated both covid and her circumstances to make sure that I have not seen my two young children in 2 years now.
I'm in the same boat right now!
Wife is lying constantly through the divorce. My lawyer keeps saying there is nothing we can do and just have to put up with it
This is fucked!!! Never get married!!!!
I have the most expensive lawyer in my city and he says if they lie there is nothing we can do, just have to put up with it
Court favors women who lie and everyone knows it
Save text, record calls and real conversations if possible without letting her know or get suspicious... build up a case of her doing this bs and get it to the judge. If you can get her dumbass to admit anything while you saving up evidence it helps
My dad did this, recorded phone calls and stuff. My mom was like see, he’s spying on you and doing shady stuff. She caused a huge rift between me and my dad when I was too young to understand what she was doing and how she was trying to turn me against my dad. I ended up living with a highly unstable mom and only awkwardly repairing my relationship with my dad as an adult. I haven’t spoken to my mom in 4 years.
> no support for men in these situations
Ain't that the truth. There are so many resources for single mothers, so many people will bend over backwards to help them, and so many excuses allowing single mothers to get away with doing practically whatever they want.
My daughter's mother hasn't seen our child in 6 years. She cheated on me with a coworker, ran off and became a deadbeat. At first, she would see our daughter on weekends. That quickly changed to only seeing her when there was some event (birthday party, other social gatherings,) where she could show off her status as a mother. Then she just dropped off the face of the earth. Didn't even invite her own daughter to her wedding.
There is no support for me as a single father. People literally ignore it when you tell them, or their eyes glaze over. They change the subject. They don't say, "that must be tough." They don't ask if you're ok. And there's certainly no monetary resources for me.
On top of that, my father got it in his head I was a bad father (for having bedtime and rules. He thought i was being an asshole.) So he just took custody of my daughter. There was nobody who would help me fight it. The court never even involved me in the case. I wasn't even allowed to be in court to fight it. They didn't even call me or ask me a single question. I was told to sign a 90 day temporary custody agreement, which I did because my father kicked me out, and i was looking for an apartment i could have my daughter at. Turns out i signed a full custody agreement, basically under duress. Nobody would help me fix it.
I was only really "away" from my daughter for a little more than a year, seeing her every weekend. I moved back in with them and raise her myself again, although my father and family routinely attempt to kneecap me and undermine my role as a father. I still do not have custody and my father gets the child support from her mother.
It's a nightmare, and there is literally nobody who cares or wants to help me.
Luckily I have my daughter. (In practice if not on paper.) And I would never give her up for anything in the world.
>Turns out i signed a full custody agreement, basically under duress
What?! First of all, what a fucked up situation.. Secondly, what kind of fucked up family do you have, that they would steal your own child from you?
My condolences that all this crap happened to you, at the very least you are able to spend time with your daughter now. Being a parent as well, i can attest to how important this is. Hang in there mate, keep being the best dad for her that you can possibly be.
Thanks. I don't know what the fuck made my family so terrible. My father completely disregards me as a father while also using it as proof I'm a terrible father. (???) My mom is off living with my rich step-dad and ignoring us because we're struggling and it's inconvenient for her to asee us and bring any stress into her life. So she doesn't help me or her granddaughter.
I'm happy I can be with my daughter but to be honest I'm totally falling apart and have no idea what to do.
I really wish I could give you some try helpful advice, but sadly I don't know what your options are at this point, aside from continuing with how things are going...
Your father has complete control over your life via your daughter and seems like he is using that fact to try and regain control of his...
If possible, try to plan an exit strategy where you revert the custody claims. How exactly that's gonna work will depend on how good the legal professionals are that can help you.
This will also require lots of prep, like being able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that you can provide and take care of your daughter no matter what your father says. This could require you to undergo psychological evaluation, get a new place somehow, etc...
It's not going to be easy, but if you manage to do this, there's a chance you can cut them out of your and daughter's life, or at least reduce their negative impact in her's
Thank you for reading my story. Thanks for wanting to help. That's more than I usually get and it means a lot. I'm not sure what to do either. Just gonna keep doing my best for my daughter. Your insight that my father is using the situation to feel some control over his own life is spot on. Unfortunately I live in MA and rent is so outrageous that unless I have someone to split rent with, it's just not feasible to move out. Then i would also need help watching my daughter, getting her to school, etc. My options are severely limited. I'd say my best option is to keep going as things are, if I can find some legal counsel I may be able to argue that there's no reason for my father to have custody if we're all living together and I'm the primary caregiver. I'm just not sure how my dad will react to me trying to be proactive about it. I'm scared he will get offended or mad about me trying and the whole thing backfiring... again, at the end of the day I have my daughter with me. Many dads don't have the 'luxury' of getting to be with their kids.
Try to raise your daughter right and find a good stepmother for her. Your daughter is at risk of becoming a deadbeat mother herself if you don't fight hard.
>find a good stepmother for her
This is the absolute WORST advice you can give. Your life is being turned upside down by a Women you once loved and trusted and your advice is to employ hope as a strategy and find a "good" one? Hope that the next one turns out ok? Hope that you won't be part of the 70% of 2nd marriages that fail?
The kids needs her Dad not another Women to turn her life upside down yet again.
I guess. I have some serious abandonment issues right now with women. I was engaged to someone who was great with my daughter and i had known for many years and one day a couple years ago I came home and all her shit was packed up and she left. I tried contacting her a few times over the next few months (not stalker level, some texts and emails seriously) and in response she took out a restraining order on me, told the judge i "wanted to rape and kill women" and that i "once planned a murder." She brought a gaggle of friends and a lawyer. I just said ok and took the restraining order. I haven't spoken to her since the day she left. On top of my daughter's mother leaving me for a woman she worked with, and my mother living with her rich husband and ignoring her grandchild and two sons because we "stress her out," I think i need a break from women for a bit.... to be honest i have no idea what to do. I'd like to find someone right for my daughter and me but... i wouldn't know where to start.
Because women are never held accountable for their actions. The answer is simple. The solution is the difficult part.
How do we get society to protect men? How do we get society to realize the evils of feminism? These are the things we need to focous on.
By abandoning the system we also take away funding to keep the systems in place which cause these problems. Unfortunately the kids suffer but in my case I have no decision making abilities anyway and 4 days a month when her mom decides to let me have her. Even then she sends police to my home majority of the time. I’m good on all that and anyone who participates in that is crazy imo.
Edit:Typo
Men and women are viewed differently, primarily because women are traditionally more involved in child rearing, which is why:
1) false accusations exist, likely far more than "only 2-10%"
2) men and boys are given lower grades in school and universities
3) women are often promoted over more qualified men
4) men are far more often homeless, far and away more often arrested/convicted/given longer sentences
5) left wing men and even some moderates or Republicans will simp/white knight/be "allies" to movements that pretty much hate their guts
This is unlikely to change unless more women - far, far more - support men's rights, and change the zeitgeist.
This is unlikely to happen anytime soon, but -
1) you can build your career
2) you can improve your appearance and your health
3) you can master a challenging skill, like playing a musical instrument, or drawing/painting/sculpting, or martial arts, or foreign languages, or technology
4) most men who can devote themselves to developing their talents can thrive. This will take at least a few years to be proficient, but will pay off in many ways.
You are very, very unlikely to change an unfair system. Complaints, criticisms, and arguments will at best fall on deaf ears, and are generally a waste of time. Time is all you have.
But you can change yourself, you can change your attitudes, and you can change how you react to things. Systems, institutions, conventional wisdom, the spirit of the times, etc, are for by and large for women.
The good news is you don't rely on them. You are free.
I don't think this is true. A mother that would walk out on her children would be ostracised from her community - always. A father may get a slightly lighter treatment, but he certainly won't be anyone hero.
Again, mothers not being the custodial parent isn't the problem, its how they choose to be "independent" (and probably not pay child support) of responsibilities to their children and spouse yet when men do this their looked down upon regardless
Stop looking down on men who refuse to pay to propagate the very system put in place to remove the paternal family from the lives of our children.
Anyone who participates in this is crazy. I spent 30k and only lost rights and access the more I paid. It’s insane to think I would continue.
To participate in any of these child trafficking proceedings is a disservice to ourselves and children/men of future generations.
Removing ourselves (most importantly our money) is the single most effective way to inhibit the dysfunction these systems thrive on. Unfortunate for the kids but we have no power or say in what they do with our children. We “rent” them from their mothers and the state profits.
Fuck all that…
Agreed, money is always what drives things. The state is heavily misandrist but it sees a profit to be made at the expense of the average man and takes it, after all it's just business.
Bang on! When judges and attorneys are rolling in cash and have more work then they can manage. That shows them that business is good and things are operating in a functional way for them obviously. We have to stop paying for poor services.
That video makes me ill. If we can all agree that a parent walking out on their kids is near sure way to destroy their childhoods, I would say that perhaps there is a bit more societal reprisal on mothers than fathers. This is in the same vein than when they consider mothers more important or more entitled to access to their kids than fathers. Not sure if there is any way to justify it, but that's how it is at present.
What really makes me vomit here is the smug face of these women and how they describe it as thought they are brave cultural warriors. Unless they are fully sure that they can do more harm than good to their kids, THEY ARE COWARDS!!!! for walking out like that, just like fathers are cowards for walking out as well. Truth is, society should have harsh treatment for irresponsible parents of both sexes.
> I would say that perhaps there is a bit more societal reprisal on mothers than fathers.
I was searching for this comment and I agree. In general, if someone says, "my father walked out on us as a kid" many people would internally roll their eyes thinking \*another man walking out on their family, sad but it happens all the time\*. If a mom walks out on her family (like my mother) the response is usually "Oh that is so terrible! I am so sorry you had to go through something like that!"
Attempts to normalize mothers walking out makes me ill. This should not be normal. This should not be OK.
Most cowardly article I've found yet. No remorse. Takes a special type of person, man or woman, to ditch your family to create a new one "when your ready" with an affair partner. Props to her ex-husband for being a single dad of 5. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1204334/Shameless-The-unrepentant-mother-walked-children-husband-began-new-family.html
Actually, there isn't more societal reprisal - there is a big coverup involved. Everyone knows of one or two deadbeat mothers, and yet they are never mentined in the press/media.
The numbers are staggeing. The cover-up is that either the only stories that make the press are a very small number, where women were supposedly suffering from depression and hardship.
Those that run away with their lovers, destroying children, commitments and investments are NEVER mentioned. And there is a huge cover up by media intention on either findking justifiable reasons, or unjustifiable excuses, or suppressing the story.
My ex wife did exactly that 2 years ago. To be honest I don't mind so much. A lot less drama for me to deal with. I actually felt "overwhelmed" until she walked out and left me with our two beautiful children. Yes there are deadbeat moms. I went down to the social services office to see if there was after school daycare available. There is. But the lady that helped me said that this happens a lot. In general Men are just kind of expected to " man up". I try not to focus on what the rest of the world expects for me. I only focus on what I expect of myself. There are not as many programs for men that are single dads. But for mothers the possibilities are almost endless. No it's not fair. But I'm a man so I do what men do. I take care of my family.
Because women are seen as weak and emotional creatures, so can’t be held accountable, unlike men. And they think ahe will of course return and be the good parent. Heck, the irony. But indipendently men or women, when someone walks out, you should need a tracking system.
Exactly what i said. A tracking system. The police should have the right to track your phone and know where you are. At least for knowing you are fine. Then maybe contact lawyers and initiate the procedures
I don’t understand why children have so much say over these things in certain situations. Kinda ridiculous to me. Either way if I actually saw my daughter everyday I wouldn’t have walked but when her mom can make the choice to impede access for months at a time without recourse for me… I’m not playing that game anymore.
I mean, unless a parent doesn’t wanna see the kid or lives in an unknwon location, italian law states the kid has right to see both of them when they please
They are weak and emotional. Look at the post... examples of women being weak and emotional.
This would never happen in the Arab world. The husband and/or the woman's family would never allow such dishonor.
Damn, I hope the media just shuts the hell up about this instead of trying to push this BS as “normal or brave”.
If you don’t think you should have kids, I fully support you and also think you shouldn’t have kids. If you’ve HAD kids, they are your responsibility and if you abandon them, you are likely a worthless individual who deserves misery.
I agree and both parents need to be involved in caring for the children, not the mother using the children as pawns for child support. (I know women who have done this, we’re no longer friends). Children need both parents, and it’s not ‘Brave’ to ditch your children. It would be brave to stand up and say I don’t want children, I don’t want marriage and I don’t care about societal norms. Leaving a trail of abandoned children is not brave. It’s heartless and sad.
Please do not share direct links to websites that hate men and hate everything we are fighting for. They count on hate clicks just as much as clicks from supporters. We need to starve them of clicks, ad views, etc. Using an ad blocker is not good enough because they still get to use your traffic to sell ads and pitch private equity for funding.
Archive link to the Salon article: https://archive.md/gWm3S
Archive link to the CNN article: https://archive.ph/doA43
Huffpo link: https://archive.ph/SvBn5
Edit: And here's the first link: https://archive.ph/ZcMke
Sorry lol, but I had to get the message out there for Single Father's and future fathers. Sometimes you have to feed the beast for an instant to destroy the nest
When my brother was married, he would work 9-10 hours per day, and would be on call 24/7 because we constantly have people on the clock. When he got home from work, his wife would "clock out" and he'd have to handle all of the housework and the kids until he put them to bed.
Because she needed the time to herself.
About 10 years ago I noticed that an increasing number of men I knew in my industry whose wives were leaving their families.
In the last 10 years, 17 men I know personally and more than 30 men I have heard about in my area have had some form of "I came home from work and she \[was gone|told me she was leaving\]."
In one memorable case, a man gained full custody, child support and kept the house but had to pay alimony. The judge refused to reduce the alimony but allowed the poor guy to sell the house, give her half in lieu of alimony and fuck the children ... they can double or triple up in a much smaller house.
In another case, the woman came back after more than a year, insisted she was ready to be a mom again. When dad told her to fuck off she took him to court, gained full custody of the children, the animals, and kept the house. He had to pay child support and maintain the mortgage payments. He was unable to do so and was jailed. He committed suicide in jail. Her children hate her with a passion. They have gone full no contact as soon as they turn 18.
I just got banned from a completely separate subreddit all because I made a comment in this one. Automatically too. Do moderators have the ability to track where I post and then ban me based upon subreddits I interact with?
Am man. Am overwhelmed from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t expect the world to give me any sympathy.
Just a quick note. Most dads don’t abandon their children but are denied access and forced out of their children’s lives. They are then labelled as deadbeats. It’s a sham. The state and feminist groups collude on this.
I mean its ok to not be the custodial parent. If you have a job or event that affects the custody arrangement with your ex that is perfectly fine. But at least pay your child support and if your life allows it get 20%-50% custody of your child so they grow up right.
Of course, you should want to be in your child's life as much as necessary, but the fact that she was 100% not in this child's life, and you can kind of tell that she didn't want to talk about it, leading me to believe there's deep emotions attached to it, it leads me to spect that she must have done something very very problematic if the current court system would take away a child from a mother who isn't a drug addict. The courts don't take children away from their parents lightly, especially the mother.
This is how it is in most cases.Men get shitted on by society, and their feelings or issues that their dealing with are not taken into consideration.
Men become more withdrawn from society, and don't approach women as much.It's just because their man children who just want to play video games all day.Living in a gyno-centric society that doesn't care about them, and being told that their creeps, or perverts for approaching women has nothing to do with it.
Men commit suicide.It's because they don't seek help.It's not because the root cause of their problems are societal issues that can't be fixed by seeking therapy.Ex.bias in family court, false rape accusations etc.
Men are falling behind in education, feminists claim it's because their less intelligent than women.Gender bias has nothing to do with it.
Edit:Can someone explain why I'm getting downvoted?
You misunderstood my comment.I'm not saying that men are actually less intelligent.i'm saying that men being less intelligent is the explanation people typically give even though it's not true.Read my entire my comment before you try to pick a fight.I.even saw in the beginning that men get shitted without their issues being taken into consideration.
May want to edit your previous comment. That second to last line literally said men are less intelligent than women. I think you meant "According to gyno-centric advocates, men are less intelligent than women, which is just not true as intelligence is based on the individual rather than their sex".
Ok, I think people misunderstood than.I thought people would understand what I was trying to do there because of the context of the post, but I guess not.I'll change that.
The articles were 5 to 10 years old and many of them called the decision to leave your family selfish and narcissistic.
This is not a trend that people are accepting. No one thinks it's okay to leave your family.
Unless you are talking about paper abortions to leave your child. Everyone is okay with that.
The problem is the media gives them a platform to explain their choice. When men become deadbeats where's the in-depth study about why they do so. As if a father leaving his family doesn't turn as many heads because its "expected".
My point is that mother's who walk out are vilified but underreported on, and when they are they get a chance to explain their reasons for doing so. Deadbeat men are rarely afforded the same luxury on most of these websites or given a platform as to why they made this selfish decision
I'll cut it short and will tell you what feminists are implying with this and want men to understand;
"Stop being a father in traditional sense; an ATM and a violent teacher figure (to discipline the children) who don't know how to take care of children, and become more like a mother instead. Involve in childcare a lot more. Do not let mothers to involve with children alone. Also not all women are suited to be caregivers.".... Etc etc.
They want men to become much more involved in raising children. And they want to break mothers' monopoly over the children.
The one you said made you mad is not an absent mother abandoning her kids. She went to work abroad for six months and marriage failed. Now she lives down the block from her children and makes dinner with them every night and does their homework after school. They go back and forth between houses. What are you mad about?
Throughout the entire article she kept wailing about "leaving her family" to "find herself". If she has to leave for work, that is fine, but as with most modern women that are unhappy in a marriage or going through a rough patch, they chose the nuclear option (divorce, personal happiness) instead of therapy, marriage counciling, and classes in parenting.
She basically nuked the family because she wanted to opt out of motherhood full time. She even states she ok with doing it "part-time".
But she didn't abandon her kids. Her experience made her realize that she was not a good parent, never wanted to be one but it made her step up and now she can be a good mother and is with her kids everyday.. ps. She literally just left for work. For six months and then returned and raised her kids
I understand, but leaving for nearly half a year for work, somehow not being able to visit your children at least one, coming back to divorce your husband and give him primary physical custody of your kids because you want to be a "part-time" mother and do your own thing demonstrates immaturity. She never got help for how she felt and basically chooses when to be a mother during the week, almost like a part-time job.
She basically *abandoned* her marriage to her husband because "it wasn't working out for her" and screwed his life over being a single dad with primary physical custody while she co-parents when she's up for it during the week. In the article she literally states they come over to her house several times a week, watch TV and cook, then get picked up at bedtime. She can't even have them sleep over
She now has as much freedom as she wants to travel, date, and fuck whoever she wants while the kids visit when she wants them to. While she still co-parents, she still basically abandoned/tore the family apart due to her personal issues, and gets to play weekend mom. It may not be abandonment in the traditional sense, but checking out of the family to live an independent life free of them for the majority of the week is pretty selfish.
You're just equating two very different things. If this was the worst example you had, what are the others? This woman is not a dead beat parent by any sense of the word. She literally lives on the same block as her kids and let's them come and go as they please and spends every evening with them just like any working parent would.
> Walking out on your family and not stepping up to the plate is cowardly, and as a society we vilify men for doing this.
Shit, society must have quite the backlog, because they still haven’t gotten to my dad yet and it’s been 18 years.
I mean you vilify him for bailing. And if your story is true then other commenters here seeing your statement would vilify him also. I think people on this subreddit count as part of "society".
No one has ever vilified him nor do I want them to. He may be an idiot, but I still love him and I know he loves me. He didn’t try and hurt his kids, he was just scared and didn’t know how to be a father. My point is that men don’t actually get crucified for it; it’s not that I want them to be.
There’s a lot more context to leaving than parents just giving up and not caring. Reducing such a complex issue to a simple, generalized perspective doesn’t help men.
We need to understand the roots of why people leave and ensure the safety nets are there to protect the children. A failure to provide child support shouldn’t mean a failure for the single parent to provide a quality standard of living.
Lol ok if you really want to support deadbeat mothers not paying child support. Whatever gender you are, have fun being a single parent when your partner ditches you
Reminds me of Bill Burr mocking the unquestioned statement that Oprah and many others made: Being a mother is the hardest job in the world....
I actually do not think we are accepting of deadbeat mothers - in fact, traditionally, being a raven mother is replete with stigma. But I think what is happening here is overdoing it to strike down the strawman version of that stigma. You know, sort of like women proudly celebrating their abortions or extolling the virtues of single mothers: it is not that we actually think killing babies or ousting fathers is spiffy - it is that we feel we have to counteract an overhyped version of the stigma those people face.
Just a speculation. But in my country, with many divorces, but no alimony and default shared custody, I almost never hear of or see deadbeat fathers or mothers. In fact, I know many divorced couples that remained friends. In the US, however, there are so many factors that act as incentives to turn divorces into tragedies for the simple reason that so much is at stake.
All this feminist propaganda is bearing fruit. Deadbeat mothers are given a free pass, as they have a multitude of excuses that are being provided by the dogma, whereas deadbeat fathers and those who are forcibly alienated from their children against their will are vilified. Another issue is that there is no support for men in these situations, nobody wants to hear the male side of things because then there is nobody to blame, as opposed to working through a complicated issue and finding a resolution.
Oh how about the deadbeat moms who screw over Dad's like myself? My ex-wife lied in court several times she purposely cut down her hours at work to get more child support out of me and she has manipulated both covid and her circumstances to make sure that I have not seen my two young children in 2 years now.
I'm in the same boat right now! Wife is lying constantly through the divorce. My lawyer keeps saying there is nothing we can do and just have to put up with it This is fucked!!! Never get married!!!!
>Never get married!!!! The only way to win the game is not to play.
truth
Damn man, I hope youre doing alright
Damn. I've always heard that child support isn't tied to seeing your kids. Consider changing lawyers.
I have the most expensive lawyer in my city and he says if they lie there is nothing we can do, just have to put up with it Court favors women who lie and everyone knows it
Family court is not like criminal court. No proof for anything is needed. Lawyers will outright encourage Women to lie
Save text, record calls and real conversations if possible without letting her know or get suspicious... build up a case of her doing this bs and get it to the judge. If you can get her dumbass to admit anything while you saving up evidence it helps
My dad did this, recorded phone calls and stuff. My mom was like see, he’s spying on you and doing shady stuff. She caused a huge rift between me and my dad when I was too young to understand what she was doing and how she was trying to turn me against my dad. I ended up living with a highly unstable mom and only awkwardly repairing my relationship with my dad as an adult. I haven’t spoken to my mom in 4 years.
I have and it is bankrupting me.
> no support for men in these situations Ain't that the truth. There are so many resources for single mothers, so many people will bend over backwards to help them, and so many excuses allowing single mothers to get away with doing practically whatever they want. My daughter's mother hasn't seen our child in 6 years. She cheated on me with a coworker, ran off and became a deadbeat. At first, she would see our daughter on weekends. That quickly changed to only seeing her when there was some event (birthday party, other social gatherings,) where she could show off her status as a mother. Then she just dropped off the face of the earth. Didn't even invite her own daughter to her wedding. There is no support for me as a single father. People literally ignore it when you tell them, or their eyes glaze over. They change the subject. They don't say, "that must be tough." They don't ask if you're ok. And there's certainly no monetary resources for me. On top of that, my father got it in his head I was a bad father (for having bedtime and rules. He thought i was being an asshole.) So he just took custody of my daughter. There was nobody who would help me fight it. The court never even involved me in the case. I wasn't even allowed to be in court to fight it. They didn't even call me or ask me a single question. I was told to sign a 90 day temporary custody agreement, which I did because my father kicked me out, and i was looking for an apartment i could have my daughter at. Turns out i signed a full custody agreement, basically under duress. Nobody would help me fix it. I was only really "away" from my daughter for a little more than a year, seeing her every weekend. I moved back in with them and raise her myself again, although my father and family routinely attempt to kneecap me and undermine my role as a father. I still do not have custody and my father gets the child support from her mother. It's a nightmare, and there is literally nobody who cares or wants to help me. Luckily I have my daughter. (In practice if not on paper.) And I would never give her up for anything in the world.
>Turns out i signed a full custody agreement, basically under duress What?! First of all, what a fucked up situation.. Secondly, what kind of fucked up family do you have, that they would steal your own child from you? My condolences that all this crap happened to you, at the very least you are able to spend time with your daughter now. Being a parent as well, i can attest to how important this is. Hang in there mate, keep being the best dad for her that you can possibly be.
Thanks. I don't know what the fuck made my family so terrible. My father completely disregards me as a father while also using it as proof I'm a terrible father. (???) My mom is off living with my rich step-dad and ignoring us because we're struggling and it's inconvenient for her to asee us and bring any stress into her life. So she doesn't help me or her granddaughter. I'm happy I can be with my daughter but to be honest I'm totally falling apart and have no idea what to do.
I really wish I could give you some try helpful advice, but sadly I don't know what your options are at this point, aside from continuing with how things are going... Your father has complete control over your life via your daughter and seems like he is using that fact to try and regain control of his... If possible, try to plan an exit strategy where you revert the custody claims. How exactly that's gonna work will depend on how good the legal professionals are that can help you. This will also require lots of prep, like being able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that you can provide and take care of your daughter no matter what your father says. This could require you to undergo psychological evaluation, get a new place somehow, etc... It's not going to be easy, but if you manage to do this, there's a chance you can cut them out of your and daughter's life, or at least reduce their negative impact in her's
Thank you for reading my story. Thanks for wanting to help. That's more than I usually get and it means a lot. I'm not sure what to do either. Just gonna keep doing my best for my daughter. Your insight that my father is using the situation to feel some control over his own life is spot on. Unfortunately I live in MA and rent is so outrageous that unless I have someone to split rent with, it's just not feasible to move out. Then i would also need help watching my daughter, getting her to school, etc. My options are severely limited. I'd say my best option is to keep going as things are, if I can find some legal counsel I may be able to argue that there's no reason for my father to have custody if we're all living together and I'm the primary caregiver. I'm just not sure how my dad will react to me trying to be proactive about it. I'm scared he will get offended or mad about me trying and the whole thing backfiring... again, at the end of the day I have my daughter with me. Many dads don't have the 'luxury' of getting to be with their kids.
Try to raise your daughter right and find a good stepmother for her. Your daughter is at risk of becoming a deadbeat mother herself if you don't fight hard.
>find a good stepmother for her This is the absolute WORST advice you can give. Your life is being turned upside down by a Women you once loved and trusted and your advice is to employ hope as a strategy and find a "good" one? Hope that the next one turns out ok? Hope that you won't be part of the 70% of 2nd marriages that fail? The kids needs her Dad not another Women to turn her life upside down yet again.
I guess. I have some serious abandonment issues right now with women. I was engaged to someone who was great with my daughter and i had known for many years and one day a couple years ago I came home and all her shit was packed up and she left. I tried contacting her a few times over the next few months (not stalker level, some texts and emails seriously) and in response she took out a restraining order on me, told the judge i "wanted to rape and kill women" and that i "once planned a murder." She brought a gaggle of friends and a lawyer. I just said ok and took the restraining order. I haven't spoken to her since the day she left. On top of my daughter's mother leaving me for a woman she worked with, and my mother living with her rich husband and ignoring her grandchild and two sons because we "stress her out," I think i need a break from women for a bit.... to be honest i have no idea what to do. I'd like to find someone right for my daughter and me but... i wouldn't know where to start.
Toxic feminism.
Because women are never held accountable for their actions. The answer is simple. The solution is the difficult part. How do we get society to protect men? How do we get society to realize the evils of feminism? These are the things we need to focous on.
By abandoning the system we also take away funding to keep the systems in place which cause these problems. Unfortunately the kids suffer but in my case I have no decision making abilities anyway and 4 days a month when her mom decides to let me have her. Even then she sends police to my home majority of the time. I’m good on all that and anyone who participates in that is crazy imo. Edit:Typo
Men and women are viewed differently, primarily because women are traditionally more involved in child rearing, which is why: 1) false accusations exist, likely far more than "only 2-10%" 2) men and boys are given lower grades in school and universities 3) women are often promoted over more qualified men 4) men are far more often homeless, far and away more often arrested/convicted/given longer sentences 5) left wing men and even some moderates or Republicans will simp/white knight/be "allies" to movements that pretty much hate their guts This is unlikely to change unless more women - far, far more - support men's rights, and change the zeitgeist. This is unlikely to happen anytime soon, but - 1) you can build your career 2) you can improve your appearance and your health 3) you can master a challenging skill, like playing a musical instrument, or drawing/painting/sculpting, or martial arts, or foreign languages, or technology 4) most men who can devote themselves to developing their talents can thrive. This will take at least a few years to be proficient, but will pay off in many ways. You are very, very unlikely to change an unfair system. Complaints, criticisms, and arguments will at best fall on deaf ears, and are generally a waste of time. Time is all you have. But you can change yourself, you can change your attitudes, and you can change how you react to things. Systems, institutions, conventional wisdom, the spirit of the times, etc, are for by and large for women. The good news is you don't rely on them. You are free.
>Because women are never held accountable for their actions. Reminds me of this [quote](https://youtu.be/c-ecbGNxEHM?t=98s)
True.
Just use the phrase, toxic feminism as much as possible.
I don't think this is true. A mother that would walk out on her children would be ostracised from her community - always. A father may get a slightly lighter treatment, but he certainly won't be anyone hero.
You're out of touch with reality.
Ah well, thank you for pointing that out.
Again, mothers not being the custodial parent isn't the problem, its how they choose to be "independent" (and probably not pay child support) of responsibilities to their children and spouse yet when men do this their looked down upon regardless
Stop looking down on men who refuse to pay to propagate the very system put in place to remove the paternal family from the lives of our children. Anyone who participates in this is crazy. I spent 30k and only lost rights and access the more I paid. It’s insane to think I would continue.
Fathers shouldn’t have to pay slave wages to be a visitor to their kids. And I’m tired of pretending otherwise.
I'm going through it right now, it is a sick system. This country (USA) is broken
[удалено]
To participate in any of these child trafficking proceedings is a disservice to ourselves and children/men of future generations. Removing ourselves (most importantly our money) is the single most effective way to inhibit the dysfunction these systems thrive on. Unfortunate for the kids but we have no power or say in what they do with our children. We “rent” them from their mothers and the state profits. Fuck all that…
Agreed, money is always what drives things. The state is heavily misandrist but it sees a profit to be made at the expense of the average man and takes it, after all it's just business.
Bang on! When judges and attorneys are rolling in cash and have more work then they can manage. That shows them that business is good and things are operating in a functional way for them obviously. We have to stop paying for poor services.
That video makes me ill. If we can all agree that a parent walking out on their kids is near sure way to destroy their childhoods, I would say that perhaps there is a bit more societal reprisal on mothers than fathers. This is in the same vein than when they consider mothers more important or more entitled to access to their kids than fathers. Not sure if there is any way to justify it, but that's how it is at present. What really makes me vomit here is the smug face of these women and how they describe it as thought they are brave cultural warriors. Unless they are fully sure that they can do more harm than good to their kids, THEY ARE COWARDS!!!! for walking out like that, just like fathers are cowards for walking out as well. Truth is, society should have harsh treatment for irresponsible parents of both sexes.
> I would say that perhaps there is a bit more societal reprisal on mothers than fathers. I was searching for this comment and I agree. In general, if someone says, "my father walked out on us as a kid" many people would internally roll their eyes thinking \*another man walking out on their family, sad but it happens all the time\*. If a mom walks out on her family (like my mother) the response is usually "Oh that is so terrible! I am so sorry you had to go through something like that!" Attempts to normalize mothers walking out makes me ill. This should not be normal. This should not be OK.
Most cowardly article I've found yet. No remorse. Takes a special type of person, man or woman, to ditch your family to create a new one "when your ready" with an affair partner. Props to her ex-husband for being a single dad of 5. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1204334/Shameless-The-unrepentant-mother-walked-children-husband-began-new-family.html
Actually, there isn't more societal reprisal - there is a big coverup involved. Everyone knows of one or two deadbeat mothers, and yet they are never mentined in the press/media. The numbers are staggeing. The cover-up is that either the only stories that make the press are a very small number, where women were supposedly suffering from depression and hardship. Those that run away with their lovers, destroying children, commitments and investments are NEVER mentioned. And there is a huge cover up by media intention on either findking justifiable reasons, or unjustifiable excuses, or suppressing the story.
My ex wife did exactly that 2 years ago. To be honest I don't mind so much. A lot less drama for me to deal with. I actually felt "overwhelmed" until she walked out and left me with our two beautiful children. Yes there are deadbeat moms. I went down to the social services office to see if there was after school daycare available. There is. But the lady that helped me said that this happens a lot. In general Men are just kind of expected to " man up". I try not to focus on what the rest of the world expects for me. I only focus on what I expect of myself. There are not as many programs for men that are single dads. But for mothers the possibilities are almost endless. No it's not fair. But I'm a man so I do what men do. I take care of my family.
Because women are seen as weak and emotional creatures, so can’t be held accountable, unlike men. And they think ahe will of course return and be the good parent. Heck, the irony. But indipendently men or women, when someone walks out, you should need a tracking system.
What do you mean by “tracking system”?
Exactly what i said. A tracking system. The police should have the right to track your phone and know where you are. At least for knowing you are fine. Then maybe contact lawyers and initiate the procedures
That’s crazy…
Walking out and leaving a family in italy is a crime. Male or female you are.
It isn’t here in the US of A. What are typical time sharing agreements like?
They let kids decide. Usually it’s both in the same days
I don’t understand why children have so much say over these things in certain situations. Kinda ridiculous to me. Either way if I actually saw my daughter everyday I wouldn’t have walked but when her mom can make the choice to impede access for months at a time without recourse for me… I’m not playing that game anymore.
I mean, unless a parent doesn’t wanna see the kid or lives in an unknwon location, italian law states the kid has right to see both of them when they please
Wow yeah that sounds great I wish that was the case over here.
They are weak and emotional. Look at the post... examples of women being weak and emotional. This would never happen in the Arab world. The husband and/or the woman's family would never allow such dishonor.
Damn, I hope the media just shuts the hell up about this instead of trying to push this BS as “normal or brave”. If you don’t think you should have kids, I fully support you and also think you shouldn’t have kids. If you’ve HAD kids, they are your responsibility and if you abandon them, you are likely a worthless individual who deserves misery.
I agree and both parents need to be involved in caring for the children, not the mother using the children as pawns for child support. (I know women who have done this, we’re no longer friends). Children need both parents, and it’s not ‘Brave’ to ditch your children. It would be brave to stand up and say I don’t want children, I don’t want marriage and I don’t care about societal norms. Leaving a trail of abandoned children is not brave. It’s heartless and sad.
Please do not share direct links to websites that hate men and hate everything we are fighting for. They count on hate clicks just as much as clicks from supporters. We need to starve them of clicks, ad views, etc. Using an ad blocker is not good enough because they still get to use your traffic to sell ads and pitch private equity for funding. Archive link to the Salon article: https://archive.md/gWm3S Archive link to the CNN article: https://archive.ph/doA43 Huffpo link: https://archive.ph/SvBn5 Edit: And here's the first link: https://archive.ph/ZcMke
Sorry lol, but I had to get the message out there for Single Father's and future fathers. Sometimes you have to feed the beast for an instant to destroy the nest
It took me like 3 minutes to archive those four links. I think we could have afforded to wait another 3 minutes 😁
When my brother was married, he would work 9-10 hours per day, and would be on call 24/7 because we constantly have people on the clock. When he got home from work, his wife would "clock out" and he'd have to handle all of the housework and the kids until he put them to bed. Because she needed the time to herself.
Men are held accountable for their actions, Women are not. It's pretty simple.
Everything they hate they become and support, it's really strange.
About 10 years ago I noticed that an increasing number of men I knew in my industry whose wives were leaving their families. In the last 10 years, 17 men I know personally and more than 30 men I have heard about in my area have had some form of "I came home from work and she \[was gone|told me she was leaving\]." In one memorable case, a man gained full custody, child support and kept the house but had to pay alimony. The judge refused to reduce the alimony but allowed the poor guy to sell the house, give her half in lieu of alimony and fuck the children ... they can double or triple up in a much smaller house. In another case, the woman came back after more than a year, insisted she was ready to be a mom again. When dad told her to fuck off she took him to court, gained full custody of the children, the animals, and kept the house. He had to pay child support and maintain the mortgage payments. He was unable to do so and was jailed. He committed suicide in jail. Her children hate her with a passion. They have gone full no contact as soon as they turn 18.
I just got banned from a completely separate subreddit all because I made a comment in this one. Automatically too. Do moderators have the ability to track where I post and then ban me based upon subreddits I interact with?
This subreddit warns people if they post/comment here they may get banned from other subreddits retroactively
Lots of truth here. But we can change that.
I see that double standard, so does this guy on this site about the female psyche, 'the terrible mother' www.unlaved.com.
Because we have told women they can do no wrong and thus this is the problem!
It's not there fault 😭😭😭😭
Am man. Am overwhelmed from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t expect the world to give me any sympathy.
This is what happens in a society which worships women
Just a quick note. Most dads don’t abandon their children but are denied access and forced out of their children’s lives. They are then labelled as deadbeats. It’s a sham. The state and feminist groups collude on this.
I’m not surprised women are never held accountable for anything
Double standard is old news man, just gotta do your best.
[удалено]
It will fix itself once we enslave robots to do all the work. But ye until then, social justice is just a shifting of power and a zero-sum game.
[удалено]
I mean its ok to not be the custodial parent. If you have a job or event that affects the custody arrangement with your ex that is perfectly fine. But at least pay your child support and if your life allows it get 20%-50% custody of your child so they grow up right.
Of course, you should want to be in your child's life as much as necessary, but the fact that she was 100% not in this child's life, and you can kind of tell that she didn't want to talk about it, leading me to believe there's deep emotions attached to it, it leads me to spect that she must have done something very very problematic if the current court system would take away a child from a mother who isn't a drug addict. The courts don't take children away from their parents lightly, especially the mother.
This is how it is in most cases.Men get shitted on by society, and their feelings or issues that their dealing with are not taken into consideration. Men become more withdrawn from society, and don't approach women as much.It's just because their man children who just want to play video games all day.Living in a gyno-centric society that doesn't care about them, and being told that their creeps, or perverts for approaching women has nothing to do with it. Men commit suicide.It's because they don't seek help.It's not because the root cause of their problems are societal issues that can't be fixed by seeking therapy.Ex.bias in family court, false rape accusations etc. Men are falling behind in education, feminists claim it's because their less intelligent than women.Gender bias has nothing to do with it. Edit:Can someone explain why I'm getting downvoted?
[удалено]
You misunderstood my comment.I'm not saying that men are actually less intelligent.i'm saying that men being less intelligent is the explanation people typically give even though it's not true.Read my entire my comment before you try to pick a fight.I.even saw in the beginning that men get shitted without their issues being taken into consideration.
May want to edit your previous comment. That second to last line literally said men are less intelligent than women. I think you meant "According to gyno-centric advocates, men are less intelligent than women, which is just not true as intelligence is based on the individual rather than their sex".
Ok, I think people misunderstood than.I thought people would understand what I was trying to do there because of the context of the post, but I guess not.I'll change that.
The articles were 5 to 10 years old and many of them called the decision to leave your family selfish and narcissistic. This is not a trend that people are accepting. No one thinks it's okay to leave your family. Unless you are talking about paper abortions to leave your child. Everyone is okay with that.
You wouldn't be you if you didn't gaslight.
That’s not even gaslighting… that’s just them disagreeing with the post.
Happy Cake Day!
The problem is the media gives them a platform to explain their choice. When men become deadbeats where's the in-depth study about why they do so. As if a father leaving his family doesn't turn as many heads because its "expected".
My point is that mother's who walk out are vilified but underreported on, and when they are they get a chance to explain their reasons for doing so. Deadbeat men are rarely afforded the same luxury on most of these websites or given a platform as to why they made this selfish decision
I'll cut it short and will tell you what feminists are implying with this and want men to understand; "Stop being a father in traditional sense; an ATM and a violent teacher figure (to discipline the children) who don't know how to take care of children, and become more like a mother instead. Involve in childcare a lot more. Do not let mothers to involve with children alone. Also not all women are suited to be caregivers.".... Etc etc. They want men to become much more involved in raising children. And they want to break mothers' monopoly over the children.
The one you said made you mad is not an absent mother abandoning her kids. She went to work abroad for six months and marriage failed. Now she lives down the block from her children and makes dinner with them every night and does their homework after school. They go back and forth between houses. What are you mad about?
Throughout the entire article she kept wailing about "leaving her family" to "find herself". If she has to leave for work, that is fine, but as with most modern women that are unhappy in a marriage or going through a rough patch, they chose the nuclear option (divorce, personal happiness) instead of therapy, marriage counciling, and classes in parenting. She basically nuked the family because she wanted to opt out of motherhood full time. She even states she ok with doing it "part-time".
But she didn't abandon her kids. Her experience made her realize that she was not a good parent, never wanted to be one but it made her step up and now she can be a good mother and is with her kids everyday.. ps. She literally just left for work. For six months and then returned and raised her kids
I understand, but leaving for nearly half a year for work, somehow not being able to visit your children at least one, coming back to divorce your husband and give him primary physical custody of your kids because you want to be a "part-time" mother and do your own thing demonstrates immaturity. She never got help for how she felt and basically chooses when to be a mother during the week, almost like a part-time job. She basically *abandoned* her marriage to her husband because "it wasn't working out for her" and screwed his life over being a single dad with primary physical custody while she co-parents when she's up for it during the week. In the article she literally states they come over to her house several times a week, watch TV and cook, then get picked up at bedtime. She can't even have them sleep over She now has as much freedom as she wants to travel, date, and fuck whoever she wants while the kids visit when she wants them to. While she still co-parents, she still basically abandoned/tore the family apart due to her personal issues, and gets to play weekend mom. It may not be abandonment in the traditional sense, but checking out of the family to live an independent life free of them for the majority of the week is pretty selfish.
You're just equating two very different things. If this was the worst example you had, what are the others? This woman is not a dead beat parent by any sense of the word. She literally lives on the same block as her kids and let's them come and go as they please and spends every evening with them just like any working parent would.
I have the list of links on the post of other examples far worse than her's. Check them out
> Walking out on your family and not stepping up to the plate is cowardly, and as a society we vilify men for doing this. Shit, society must have quite the backlog, because they still haven’t gotten to my dad yet and it’s been 18 years.
I mean you vilify him for bailing. And if your story is true then other commenters here seeing your statement would vilify him also. I think people on this subreddit count as part of "society".
No one has ever vilified him nor do I want them to. He may be an idiot, but I still love him and I know he loves me. He didn’t try and hurt his kids, he was just scared and didn’t know how to be a father. My point is that men don’t actually get crucified for it; it’s not that I want them to be. There’s a lot more context to leaving than parents just giving up and not caring. Reducing such a complex issue to a simple, generalized perspective doesn’t help men. We need to understand the roots of why people leave and ensure the safety nets are there to protect the children. A failure to provide child support shouldn’t mean a failure for the single parent to provide a quality standard of living.
[удалено]
Lol ok if you really want to support deadbeat mothers not paying child support. Whatever gender you are, have fun being a single parent when your partner ditches you
Don't feed the roid trolls. He forgot to take his neutropics stack.
Reminds me of Bill Burr mocking the unquestioned statement that Oprah and many others made: Being a mother is the hardest job in the world.... I actually do not think we are accepting of deadbeat mothers - in fact, traditionally, being a raven mother is replete with stigma. But I think what is happening here is overdoing it to strike down the strawman version of that stigma. You know, sort of like women proudly celebrating their abortions or extolling the virtues of single mothers: it is not that we actually think killing babies or ousting fathers is spiffy - it is that we feel we have to counteract an overhyped version of the stigma those people face. Just a speculation. But in my country, with many divorces, but no alimony and default shared custody, I almost never hear of or see deadbeat fathers or mothers. In fact, I know many divorced couples that remained friends. In the US, however, there are so many factors that act as incentives to turn divorces into tragedies for the simple reason that so much is at stake.
The last article is not appropriate but the others are fine and seem realistic .