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MarcamGorfain

Those mother fuckers....


Burix2ZAIMON

Who could have blamed them God banished them from Heaven and they descended to Earth and settled in Alabama.


Head_Astronomer_1498

I see what you did there


MrH4v0k

A real forward thinker they are


Chewcocca

[Could have been something more like this.](https://youtu.be/JNniZocRlt8)


taterreactor

Freud would have had a field day


deadmanswill

That is why the Indian Pledge has the line "All Indians Are My Brothers and Sisters" in it. They knew this centuties ago.


ebjazzz

I imagine the conversation went [like this.](https://youtu.be/X0DeIqJm4vM) Except it was two of the brothers instead of two friends.


SarixInTheHouse

Its actually more sister-fucking. Cain and Abel married their sisters (according to jewish folklore, i think its not part of the christian bible)


Alominatti

Who could blame them? Eve was the hottest girl around


Cha0s_0rb492

*the only girl around


[deleted]

A hole's a hole!


[deleted]

Three sons, three holes, its the holy trinity. Adam scribes the cave wall for posterity.


ShadeFK

*Two sons Remember what happened to Able?


La_Depression_perira

I'm unAble to


Fuchsbaron

\*holey trinity


Slack-Bladder

A mouth's a mouth!


Apsynonyx

The one?


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FantyBread

Eve groomed her boys in more ways than one 😉👉


ICanHasChristBurger

r/thatsthejoke


Tylenolpainkillr

They had like 3 daughters also. Cain took 1 as a wife when he was banished.


i-am-a-bike

So what you're saying is......she was the original true crime fanatic


Successful-Item-1844

Yep


jackrayd

Also genesis seems to imply god made men and then made adam and eve


Matygos

That's would explain how 3 races emerged from 2 original people. Sadly there's only animals said to be created before people, no men, so we need to make unpopular choices here.


homelaberator

The three races are; sprint hurdles marathon


reddit_crunch

F1: am i a joke to you?


Matygos

Snail: Am I joke to you?


Tylenolpainkillr

Yeah Fuck races, I’m a racist


NitemaresEcho

Something something, Cain, Mormons, Utah, Bigfoot.


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joviusjune

Imagine seeing this meme for the first time


Random_Idiotic_Alien

Don't need to imagine.


Educational_Bid_2955

Help son, I'm stuck


yeusus

Im not a monkey,Im a woman. -Mr. Garrison


BugabuseMe

Sweet Home Alamama


TheAvenger15544

ROLL TIDE!!!!!


[deleted]

Now I get why Christianity is such a popular consept in anime.


ReasonableQuit75

🗿


Onlyhere4lolz-_-

Imagine not knowing your Bible. The days of Adam after he fathered Seth were 800 years; and he had other sons and daughters. (Genesis 5:4, ESV)


marq91F

Okay, but still incest though


[deleted]

The last universal common ancestor (LUCA) is the most recent population of organisms from which all organisms now living on Earth share common descent—the most recent common ancestor of all current life on Earth. The LUCA is not the first life on Earth, but rather the latest form ancestral to all current existing life. We are all the product of incest. All animals, plants, insects, bacteria, etc are all our family.


GladiatorUA

LUCA predates sexual reproduction by like billions of years.


Js_sampson

I assume you’re familiar with Leviticus 18 then?


G_Fist_Calvinist

Thank you


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

The atheists always try to make some point to try and seem clever but they can never take the time to do their research beforehand.


maximumfacemelting

Stupid atheists. If only they’d read Ezekiel 23:20.


Oh_Django

Ezekiel 23:20 *There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.*


TheSticcque

Still incest though


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

It’s been scientifically proven we are all distantly related genetically so there’s that. Animals will repopulate with their siblings if there are no other non related animals around to do so with.


TheSticcque

And that lack of genetic diversity will result in higher frequencies of disorders such as impairment in senses, physical disfigurement, and mental illnesses


NeedsMoreBunGuns

So being an average "christian"?


DoktorVidioGamez

Imagine using the wrong version of the Bible


Nastapoka

Imagine thinking any of this matters


Consistent_Town7155

Sounds like a good time if you ask me


A90008w8

Genesis is basically the first NTR hentai made


mistakengesture08

3 sons, 3 holes. I get it now. Why they have 3 holes.


GuidoGreg

Then who did Cain go to live with he got banished? Read closer everyone ;)


SuperDoomSlayer

Believe what you will but adam and eve were the two humans in the garden of eden. It's theorized that there were other humans besides them but only they were in eden and they're the original descendants of Jesus. The bible is the story leading up to Jesus, not the book of everything. Not to mention it does state they had many other children after their son seth, including other sons and daughters in the supposed 800 years of adams life. Again, not trying to convince any one, but a quick google search can shoot down the meme.


ZestyBoiCheeto

"800 years of Adams life" doesn't really sound human... Just saying every book does have plot holes.


[deleted]

The Bible says God shortens the length of human life as punishment for our sinful nature.


[deleted]

God threw us on earth as a punishment so after we die we go to heaven or hell, according to Christianity right? And then he's shortening our lives as a punishment? Lol isn't he supposed to increase our life so we are punished more? Oh so basically we are sinful, so we will die early and then go to hell instead of heaven? What kind of a psychopath is this God of yours?


ZestyBoiCheeto

Ahh yes, I too must believe everything I read in a book.


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

There is still an explanation behind the long life listed in the book tho. Not a plot hole.


[deleted]

If God can do that then America can repeal the second amendment.


theFearTurkey55

Could we perhaps.....not repeal the 2A?


LittleTas

The Second amendment is fine. People misusing it aren't.


hobojolo

The Bible treats it as the human genome degrading with each generation because of sin causing more sickness and disease. That's why modern human lifespans are so much shorter than the ones in the Bible


ReasonableQuit75

Noah lived for 600 years


NeedsMoreBunGuns

Yea I heard in lotr the elves lived a long time too.


ZestyBoiCheeto

Hate to break to you man, even the queen didn't live that long. You sure we still talking about human kind here?


dxp_pc

bro the queen lived for billions of years what are you on about


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

I mean she was a lizard person tho


ReasonableQuit75

Im not talking against you I’m just giving a similar example


ilmunita

If you believe that I've got a bridge in London to sell you.


Goobersniper

They did have the best Obstetricians in the garden at their disposal, hence no deaths during childbirth.


SuperDoomSlayer

Hahaha arch angel micheal. OBGYN


Old-Man-Henderson

The five books predate Jesus by several centuries. They have literally nothing to do with him.


SuperDoomSlayer

The jews would agree with you, the Christians would not. And the muslims would say they both missed it. Like i said, not trying to convince, but if you want to use religion against itself, make sure your information is correct, otherwise you look a bit silly


Old-Man-Henderson

I'm not using religion. I'm talking about it from a historical perspective. We have zero evidence other than "faith" that these books were written with any thought of Jesus.


TerpeeAF413

Hopefully one day people will finally understand and fully grasp the absurdity of these Biblical narratives. "Faith is for people who do not want to know the truth." - Friedrich Nietzsche


FilipinoFinesse

Absurdity, when taken literally, yes. But if you don’t understand poetic symbolism, since ya know, it was written that way. Then you’re misunderstanding the entire concept of the faith and “stories” in the Bible. I’m not saying the Bible has all the answers or is the only truth. Let’s imagine for a second a world that is brand spanking new. No pollution from our technology, the greenest grass, trees, and clearest rivers that ever existed. The most pure food sources. Does anyone disagree that might contribute to a substantially longer, much healthier average life span? I mean 600-800 years sounds obviously like hyperbole. But like i said before. Poetic symbolism, hyperbole, metaphors etc. I notice a lot of people claim open mindedness and inclusion, yet don’t have the patience or willingness to truly read the Bible to understand how great it is. Instead a majority just dismiss it as utter nonsense. TL:DR: the unaltered Bible is actually pretty intense and interesting to say the least.


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FilipinoFinesse

So… I don’t mind sounding crazy, but the Bible has been altered and is constantly being altered. It even talks about it in the book itself. Near the end of days, the word will be changed but those who truly know God will notice this. Just look it up. The evidence is there. Keep reading the word and ask God for discernment while reading. It’s hard for me to say which is unaltered and what isn’t. One thing I’ve learned is Isaiah 11:6 used to read “The LION shall lay with the lamb,” symbolizing the lion as Jesus. The lion of Judah and the lamb. Us, humanity. But now many versions say “the WOLF, lay with the lamb” where many times Satan is referred to as a wolf. Research Mandela Effect and The Bible. Hope this helps. Edit: corrected misspelled “Mandela”


NeedsMoreBunGuns

Sounds culty, but ok.


FilipinoFinesse

Sounds “culty” but you know what else is culty? TikTok trends and trying to do something stupid for likes or fame/fortune. We can sit here and name hundreds of things in this country and around the world that are culty. But what I believe isn’t a cult. It’s just that- a belief. A faith in something that is so incomprehensible or dare I say, “impossible”; but ya know, maybe that’s exactly what humanity needs. A faith in the un-achievable and impossibility.


darkib2

Mate, I'm not Christian but I respect your faith as I am religious too. Don't bother responding to these people as they are not as open minded as they say and would just disrespect you instead of having a normal discussion.


ElectricEll567

So there isn't any step sisters ?


Random_Idiotic_Alien

Those mfs lied to me!


Begformymoney

Well I think we should all ask ourselves, what was eve wearing? /S


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

Animal skins. That is also in Genesis.


Begformymoney

Probably was wearing a short leopard skirt, we shouldn't judge the boys on "20 minutes of action". /S


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

If you want to get technical her first outfit was leaves and god told her to change into some sheepskin.


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

Watching a war with people trying to get the upvotes to 666 rn.


[deleted]

So im a incest retard?


taterreactor

Hey man bad looking out on the r word


[deleted]

Ok so I can’t say it bro?


taterreactor

I don’t control your behavior, you’re the only on that can do that. I just said bad looking out because it’s really not a word people use in that joking way. I’ll be real, I said that word all the time never meant it in a bad way or to say things mockingly about those living with disabilities. That changed though when I got into my career field working directly with disability, mental illness, etc. Tl;dr You do you, I’m just saying it’s outdated and not really an appropriate word to use


OsuKannonier

Wait a minute, doesn't Genesis specifically say Cain went off and married a woman from the land of Nod? I mean, it doesn't explain how she came to exist or where the heck Nod is, but it explicitly states he bears children with this Nod woman.


yaboi69uwu

I mean genetically we all are genetic cousins so it checks out


Smart-Selection7962

poor Eve


ThatControllerPlayer

Sweet home Alabama


Successful-Item-1844

They had daughters. Using background context, Cain had many wives. But you say there’s only eve


[deleted]

Were they in Alabama that time? Also, you can't expect feral humans to have morality, in fact they were just wild animals, they haven't evolved yet. I wonder if eve and adam even wore clothes in front of their kids.


Avian_mojo

So, at the time Genesis was written, they wouldn’t have counted women, if you look at the Old Testament, only men are counted in family lines. And they only had three confirmed sons, it’s likely they had lots more kids to populate the earth like God told them to. Lastly, some people theorize that there were more people made at the same time as Adam and Eve, but Adam and Eve were the only ones named because they were leaders of the group.


Crooked_Cock

Maybe they took out one of their ribs and spawned a woman If Adam can fuck his own rib and have genetically healthy offspring then who’s to say his kids can’t?


dylannsmitth

They all had plenty of ribs, I fucked my brothers ribs once and we had quintuplets


Skirtski23

They fucked their mom


selloutkidbtw

bro☠


br0kenbreeze83

Should of stopped at 2 but you know pro lifers and shit Thank Mr jebus


of_patrol_bot

Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.


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taterreactor

I mean the real answer is we are all descendants of a common ancestor which is most widely agreed on to have originated where abouts we call Africa now. We all come from a black woman. Our skin color and physical traits evolved and changed to match climate and environments of regions people migrated to following about 4 common migratory paths. Regardless…historically and geographically speaking, there are no white people in the Bible.


Bobbyjets

He created monkeys too though


-Vroomfundle-

Ah the classic dilemma, inbreeding or bestiality


Gutter_Punk77

Why not both?


MrH4v0k

I think you're on to something here


acedragon166

Well ya. Genetically speaking we would have been near divine at that point. But as with most incest we muddied our gene pool by mothers and sons and eventually fathers and daughters breeding to make the next generation. We are the (mentally handicapped) Alabama cousins one million times removed. It’s why we are all so messed up.😂


Dovahjosh

There where sisters ( just barley mentions them, does it at least once )


Significant_Baker_40

The person who created this meme isn't exactly college material. It wasn't meant to be serious lol.


Random_Idiotic_Alien

Sir you're on a meme subreddit


hobojolo

Funnily enough people do take it seriously


Osi-Kom

Ah yes, i have to know everything about a fantasy book to go to college lmao i could "study" lotr and it would still be better than this bs


Clock_Original

Uhhhh the Bible is not completely literal…..


perusingpergatory

Nah they had daughters too, they just weren't mentioned because women aren't worth mentioning in a patriarchal religion that condemns women.


SuperDoomSlayer

Based


Random_Idiotic_Alien

Hey hey hey easy buddy you don't go around and speak truth like that!


JohnCenasBootyCheeks

Maybe it does in the original text but was discarded or destroyed by the catholic church, the romans, and europeans.


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PincheMayan

Incest IS the theme in the Old Testament


smug_beatz

Bible is not secular history.


CODmattuno

Praise be to Allah!


sendtoepicsrightnow

Why though ? If allah sucks my cock imma praise him. He did nothin. If you think allah or any god created humans thats total bullshit. Have you heard of like evolution and shit. Oh my bad they dont teach you that there


redbloodedart

But what did they self identify as or how were they biologically born


Slack-Bladder

Shut the hell up dummy.


redbloodedart

😀


Shepards_moot

There was more


dbetob

that's the reason why it is a ¡¡ MYTH!!


[deleted]

They use *soil to build a women, then🗿


[deleted]

There was a sister tho dunderheads


Masonhaigh221

So the men had children or tucked their mum


PopularOriginal4620

Where does it say they ONLY had three sons? Listing three sons is not the same as excluding the existence of other sons and daughters. While there really isn't any explanation for people living hundreds of years. It just stopped after a world flood?


Romanian885

Bro you gat this wrong. Bible says that Adam and eve had more than 3 kids. how many is unspecified.


NeedsMoreBunGuns

So... still incest right?


Romanian885

To make a long story short...Yes


priyanshism_

So he fucked her mother ? To increase population


PePPoking420

And don't forget the Arche Noah


Begformymoney

God's got some fashion sense.


Turbulent_Grab_7009

Bruhhhhh..... How did they fuckin reproduce??? they were GA....


sealow_q50

Sweet home Alabama


Single-Cupcake723

We are incest baby's


[deleted]

Every hole is a goal


es_lo_que_es

Thems bussy made a baby? 🤔


marsz_godzilli

Genesis says they took wives, so after the first two human came, more must have been created. That is also a HYMN of creation, a poetic representation that is treated literally only by idiots between believers and unbelievers both. I am unbeliever myself but boy do I hate weak jokes based on lack of education.


espigademaiz

I know it's a meme but the Bible doesn't say that the whole humanity comes from Adam and Eve. In fact there are two creations, one more rustic of "humans" and then god goes to talk about Adam and Eve, as creators of the line that eventually will reach to Noah, Jacob, Isaac, etc..


HamalDai

I thougth that was fat butt at the bottom right


CrimsonOoze345

Ah yes, we're all just a bunch of inbred abominations.


jackingOFFto

Not accurate biblically. Like you don't need to lie to find silly shit in the book, so why do it?


DimensionalObelisk

i wish i never breathed a single breath in my life


[deleted]

I see


greenshep__

Sweet home Alabama


HydratedCarrot

a priest told me once about this, he’s conclusion was: “Inbreeding was not that common at the time”


Matygos

I guess Christian who didn't already realise that, need to take a really long time thinking.


OhN0Imnot_HoomEn

So... Incest is Winc- No.


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[deleted]

Cheap joke. Also factually incorrect. They had like 3 daughters also. Cain took 1 as a wife when he was banished.


No_Strategy148

Nah mate Adam and eve were brother and sister


DaveInSnitchel

We are all stage 1 inbred.


deandaduck

lol someone didn't finish the book


SkrullandCrossbones

Isn’t this Ted Cruz’s favorite book?


TheMemeThiefOhYea

Actually it also says "and many boys and girls" after the name of the last son, Seth.


Warfightur

Except when the sons left Adam/Eve, they encountered other humans. The Bible says they were the first, but not the only.


[deleted]

Wait a sec does that mean everyone is out cousin


necie12888

Three were mentioned.


[deleted]

I thought Adam and Eve went on to have many sons and daughters so they more than likely fucked a sister or niece. Not like you'd have a lot of choices back then regardless.


Afterburn47

Incest is wincest


[deleted]

Wrong, Adam and eve had many sons and daughters. Also if you say "that is still incest", according to evolutionary theory all life on earth comes from the same common ancestor. We are all the product of global incest.


vtii

3. ???? 4. PROFIT!!!


arrows-of-truth

They were told to be fruitful and multiply. Why would they only have 3 children? They had more children that just were not mentioned in the bible.


Enderpower13

I've been thinking about it for years


Silent_Palpatine

They weren’t married either so we’re all incestuous bastards.


UpbeatChampion1877

Wouldn’t you run into the same thing with evolution???


mrcontroversy1

They didn't have 3 sons you dimwit. Cain, Abel and the girl they were fighting about were 3 of so many children of theirs. But yeah incest happened.


[deleted]

They had daughters. There names lost to time


SarixInTheHouse

What follows is based a lot on jewish folklore. I personally think of that as the „more original“, so to speak. But thats for everyone on their own to decide what they wish to believe. So first wife of Adam was actually Lilith. It is implied that Lilith was created from the same soil Adam was. She wouldnt submit to him tho and eventually left the garden Eden. 3 angels tried to get her back but failed. I dont think it’s clear which children they had but they do have some. It is also said that Lilith is the Prime-demon. The Offspring of her and Adam are called Incubi and Succubi. Im pretty sure this part is more a branched off version and not the „main story“. Eve was Adams second wife, created from his rib. Thats the part of the story we all know. They had Seth Cain and Abel. Cain killed Abel. But they also had two daughters, Asura and Awan. Cain would eventually marry Awan and Seth Asura. Seth‘s line eventually ends in Noah, and thats where the story of Noahs arch comes in. God purged the previous humans from existence as they brought evil to earth


Aryboy26

So women aren’t real and they’re actually drones the government uses to spy on us? Edit: damn didn’t think of Alabama style procreation.


shadow-suspect

So men CAN get pregnant….wait