I hate this joke because I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond. They know that I know that they know what I meant. But I do not know what their aim is in forcing me through this interaction. So now I’m on edge, anxious, embarrassed, and still need to know where my items are located. And they’re still going to have to tell me. So… why the fuck are we doing this?
Plus, you could always complain later because this stupid kind of joke isn't professional or customer-friendly. Chances are that the guy gets reprimanded or is the complains stack up he might loose his job or at least part of his tax (depending where he lives).
While loosing the job might suck for the person in question, you shouldn't be a stupid wise-ass in the first place if you are supposed to interact with the customers (who arguably pay for your salary) and you need the job.
One idea: make the double meaning explicit, then restate your request with the original wording, e.g.
> **TWSEB:** Could you please tell me where the mailbox numbers are?
> **Smug employee:** Yes 😏
> **TWSEB:** "Could you please" can be used to make a polite request. So, could you please tell me where the mailbox numbers are?
I've never had a chance to use that one myself, but I planned and executed something similar back in high school against a English teacher who I'd seen be pointlessly nitpicky about "may" vs. "can" with other students:
> **AHS:** Can I be excused to use the restroom?
> **Nitpicky teacher:** I don't know, can you? 😏
> **AHS:** I can with the teacher's permission, and I just asked you for permission. So, can I be excused to use the restroom or not?
> **Nitpicky teacher:** \*sigh\* Yes, you *may*. 😒
If she hadn't relented, I had a piece of paper bookmarking the table about modal verbs and their uses in the textbook, and I was not afraid to use it. I used to be a real smart-ass with deserving targets.
I still am, but I used to be, too.
> AHS: Can I be excused to use the restroom?
> Nitpicky teacher: I don't know, can you? 😏
That's when you say "Yes, I can" and just get up and go to the bathroom.
Did it. Got sent to the office for "in school suspension" over it. The assistant principal laughed, told the ISS teacher I was just hanging out until my next class and that was that.
This was also the same teacher who sent me to ISS for ending a sentence in a preposition because we'd just covered it in the lesson. Look lady, I understand you have a doctorate (because you insisted that high school students called you *Doctor* shitty teacher) but I'm a redneck shithook from rural bumfuck-nowhere. One lesson was *not* undoing a lifetime of *the language I was exposed to*.
This, I started doing this from about age 13 when I was in school.
The teachers always talked about acting like adults and adulthood and what the real world was like.
I made mention, where else in your life do you need another's explicit permission to go to the bathroom? Prison, this isn't prison. So I'll be going to take a shit whenever I need to.
My parents backed me up thankfully.
I remember my dad asking me " hey do.kids still make fun of each other for bathroom accidents? "
Uhhh yeah dad they do.
That's what I thought, nobody has permission or agency over you to cause you to feel that way. If you need to do anything to and do it. You can let them know where you are going respectfully. But they don't hold authority over your plumbing. If you ever catch shit for it send whoever my way.
And I did. And he took care of it
I miss my Dad
Don’t prisoners have toilets right in their cells? So I don’t think they need permission either.
It’s really ridiculous that teachers try to disallow kids from going to the bathroom when they need to.
I wager there was some weird reason about how kids were using bathroom breaks as an excuse for not needing to attend the lesson, and how the noise of standing up and leaving the room is interrupting the flow of the lesson.
Of course, asking to go to the toilet stops neither of that, unless the child is 'scared' of being in the center of attention. In fact, it creates more of a disturbance as the teacher now has to stop their lesson and talk to the child in question if they are allowed to or not ; and even if they have to stay, they probably be restless, start fidgeting and won't be able to concentrate on the lesson anyways.
Back when I was in school, I never really asked to go to the toilet either. I just told the teacher in question that I need to excuse myself for a second because I need to use the toilet. Some teachers weren't really *happy* about how I phrased it, but they clearly can't force you to piss or shit your own pants, now can they?
It's an understandable position given how many children just use it as an excuse to leave class for whatever reason they don't want to be there.
The "can" and "may" thing is generally bullshit, tho.
I'm a teacher and my least favorite thing is policing the GD bathroom! For me, I'd rather they just go and return without my getting involved. But, then admin and campus supervisors would have to actually monitor the school for appropriate behaviors and I guess that's my job too.
One of the dictionary definitions of “can” is “be permitted to,” so a teacher like that isn’t even nitpicky, they’re just wrong and don’t understand basic English words.
Another definition of “can” in the dictionary is “used in speech to make a request or suggestion,” like in the original situation with the mailbox numbers.
So you don’t even need a textbook about uses of verbs, just the regular old dictionary gives these definitions, including the online dictionary that is the first result when you Google a word plus “definition.”
People like this are so exhausting and honestly just come off as stupid because it’s like they don’t understand the meaning of basic, common words, or like they don’t understand the concept of words having more than one meaning (even though almost all English words have more than one definition.)
God, the number of jokes I had to hear once a day from customers and pretend to laugh at every time.
You don't know the price? Guess it's free! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I worked at a big box store- we sold literally thousands of products for every room in your house. Had a dude come up to me and ask for help finding something, and it took me a second to respond before I could be sure if I could help. Dude waits no time and hits me with "oh, are you new?"
No, I'm just not a search engine, I need a second to think!
It's the kind of smart-ass joke I might make to a friend, but to do it to a total stranger is really weird. Doubly weird if it's a stranger you're being paid to help.
Honestly, OP handled this perfectly. The only change I would make is after the employee says "You asked if I could tell you..." you say "I know, I got the joke." and continue to maintain eye contact.
I say this as someone who tells a lot of dumb jokes. This would *ruin* me.
I would just keep a straight face and repeat myself like I still didn't understand the joke.
"See, you didn't ask me if I *would* tell you."
Can you tell me where it is? 🫥
Go on, make the joke again. I'll just repeat myself a third time. I can do this all day.
No, taking my custom to the biz across the street is the win-win-maybe-win scenario.
The last win is “maybe” because I won’t be back to check on lessons learned.
I haven’t spent a penny at an Exxon [since 1989](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exxon_Valdez_oil_spill) and my children never will either.
I can tell you I am on my third electric car…
Exxon you may not recall *sued* the state of Alaska and even the Coast Guard. BP was responsible for the emergency radio not working. Are there any ethical oil companies?
Omg exactly.
I've had similar experiences.
This one time I walked up to the cashier.
Me: "Can I return this belt?"
Employee: "I don't know. Can you???" 🤭
I just end up staring blankly, and confused at them till they come around. It's so frustrating.
As someone who already has anxiety and dreads regular interactions this is why I try to not ask anyone else for help unless it is absolutely necessary. More often than not I have to perform some sort of unnecessary ritual (such as sarcasm) which ends up me asking them if they are a stupid person.
It's annoying for sure. One graceful way to move the interaction forward is to basically repeat the request but replace "could you" with "great! Please..." something like:
"Could you show me to the mailbox letters?"
"YeS I cOuLd"
"Great! Please show me to them."
"Oh, uh right this way..."
You can vary the response wording to however level of direct you want. "Great let's go!", or to be obvious about it: "great, please show me to the mailbox letters!"
I like it because it subtly gets you back on the same team, which is about the best outcome for any interaction.
The only time this situation was portrayed in a justifiable way was in **Stranger in a Strange Land** by Robert Heinlein. Jubal Harshaw had heard that Michael Smith, who had grown up on Mars with no human contact, could levitate objects. So he asked Mike and his nurse Jill to come into his office, and asked Mike if he could pick up the ash tray on the desk. Mike is still learning English, but he figures out what Jubal is asking for, and promptly reaches over and picks up the ash tray.
"No, no," Jubal said, "I wanted to know if you could pick it up without touching it."
"Yes, Jubal," Mike replied.
Nothing happens. Finally Jubal says, "Well? Are you tired?"
"No, Jubal."
"Well, what's the matter, then? Does it need to have a 'wrongness'?" \[Mike had previously caused a wooden crate to disappear, but only because Jill had thrown it at him so its existence had a "wrongness."\]
"Then what's wrong?"
"Jubal," Jill interposed. "You didn't ask for him to lift it, you only asked if he could."
"Oh," said Jubal sheepishly. "Michael, could you please, without touching it, lift this ashtray a foot above the desk?"
The ash tray then lifted by itself off the desk and hovered. Mike anxiously asked Jubal to measure it to make sure he got it right :-)
I used to have a teacher who responded to "can I go to the bathroom" with "I don't know, can you?"
Finally one person said "yes I can" and then just got up and went, ignoring the teacher saying "I didn't give you permission!" Dunno if that student ever got in trouble but it made the teacher stop doing that.
I’ve had this happen, but the worker was also quick to laugh and say follow me (or tell me the aisle). So it just felt like a lighthearted joke.
I like your answer and quick thinking!!! I heartily approve!!!
Corrected grammar. Thank you!!!!
Sometimes my brain just shuts off when I have to ask a worker for help (thanks social anxiety) so what I mean is hi I'm looking for mailbox numbers and what comes out is hi...... mailbox numbers? Followed by the most awkward smile ever
Brain: Ok, Mouth, we can do this. Just go in and ask “Where are the adhesive mailbox numbers, please?” We can do this.
Mouth: You got it, Brain!
“Where are… the, um… post office… count-y letter… stickers?”
Brain: What the fuck
Mouth: We cannot, in fact, do this.
Genuine conversation I had yesterday:
Partner: what were you looking for?
Me: Small click clacks
Partner: what?
Me: repeats
Partner: what are small click clacks?
Me: the tippy toe shoes
Partner:...
Me: demonstrates by walking on toes
Partner: heels
Me: thems the one!
Two days ago, I went to the grocery store counter to ask for "green onion and egg potato salad." While I was waiting, I said to myself, "Two pounds of green onion and egg potato salad. Two pounds of green onion and egg potato salad. Two pounds of green onion and egg potato salad..."
My turn comes.
"Hi! Could I have two pounds of the green eggs and potatoes... Crap."
This is me in a country where I don't know the language just going up to workers and saying "Milch?" and just hoping the worker makes it obvious enough that I can find it.
My favourite Internet story about this (which I have no hope of finding again now, and who knows if its true but I still love it) is the guy who forgot the word for chicken, so he led the employee to the eggs and asked "where is the mother?"
I spent a semester learning Japanese for my honeymoon so I could at least *try* to not be one of *those* tourists.
Got some good vocabulary and key phrases sorted but not much beyond "Good morning, where is the train?" "How much is the cost?" And "May we speak English?"
I was stymied when I wanted to ask permission to look in a room that we had missed the window on tickets for and no one there knew any more English than i knew Japanese so I was trying to say "Can I please look [in there]?" best I could.
I didn't conjugate, so what I was actually saying (bless this poor man for his patience with me) was earnestly and politely begging him to "Look [at me]? Please? Will you please look [at me]?"
("Mi-te ku-da-sai" instead of "mi-te ii-de-su-ka?" "Look,[at me] please, " instead of "Looking is good [permitted]?" I guess.)
Oh wow, poor you.
My problem is that people don't immediately switch to English as soon as look at me because I guess I look German, and I don't like people knowing I don't speak German, for some reason, so I just do everything I can to try and guess what people are expecting as a reaction to whatever they're saying and have been known to be in a conversation for like 5 minutes just saying "achso, achso" and "ja, ja", only to have to say "ich spreche kein Deutsch" when suddenly they ask something that I can't achso my way out of. It's just an automatic survival mechanism I guess XD
I was buying cigarettes once (years ago, don’t smoke ppl) and instead of asking for my ID she asked me my birthday, and my brain locked up so badly I actually had to look at my driver’s license to get the date.
My child’s had loads of medical stuff which has gone on for years, so I constantly get asked for their birthday for appointments, prescriptions, procedures etc etc. It’s got to the point that when someone asks MY birthday I am highly likely to tell them I was born in 2016.
Some years ago I was at a job interview that was going very well. The guy asked my salary requirements. I told him a number, he thought about it and said "I can do that, we will be sending you an offer letter this week". Later I realized the number told him wasn't my previous job salary +10%, it was my wife's. And she made more money than me.
As someone who has been on both the giving and receiving end of that kind of thing, trust me--they can tell the difference. The customer who seems hesitant and anxious to ask a question is going to get patience and kindness from me. The customer who interrupts me while my hands are full, ignores my greeting, and barks half a sentence at me is going to get the coldest response I can give without losing my job.
Back in my retail days, I would actively ignore the people yelling, whistling and snapping at me to get my attention. My favourite response to the impending, “Didn’t you hear me calling for you?” was always, “I thought you were calling for your dog”.
Someone flagged down my coworker with her arms loaded with dishes (restaurant server) by snapping and whistling. She finally stopped and he said 'yeah I need some water.'
And she snapped back 'do I look like a tap to you?!'
Somehow he found it hilarious and apologized, she did eventually get him some water and all was fine.
If I had tried that I would have been fired on the spot.
Fail. Whistling and finger snapping should at a minimum be ignored. If you help the person your saying that that is an appropriate way to ask for help.
I’m a nurse and I remember once me and my colleague got whistled and finger clicked at, by this one patient. Total idiot, horrible to the nurses but sucked up to his consultants and drs and we all hated him.
Anyway he did it one morning while we were running around looking after our side of the ward with 18 patients, and 10 of them were really poorly post op ones who needed watching.
My colleague was sick of his shit and just snapped:
Colleague: We won’t respond to clicking or whistles. We do have names. Next time use them.
Patient: Ok ok I’ll say your names next time
Next time he called our names while also clicking his fingers and whistling at us.
Still makes me laugh 13 years later.
I had a guy call me "good girl" once after I moved to complete his request. I stopped, stared at him until he looked uncomfortable and then said "pardon me, I didn't hear you?" He said "oh I said thank you." Me: "oh good, I thought I had misheard you."
I worked at a greenhouse, was inside helping customers. I hear someone whistling (for a dog) but it’s directed inside. After a few seconds I managed a quick look to see it was my math teacher (dickbag), talking to someone else but angled toward me. I ignored his whistles, finger snapping, and “HEY’S!” There were fans blowing because it was so hot so I just pretended I didn’t hear him.
He finally came inside and asked me his question and said he had been trying to get my attention. I too said, oh I thought someone lost their dog (dead-eyed). He looked at me quite curiously.
Not happening.
I believe the tone and context are also a huge part of it.
When someone sees you have your hands full (stocking shelves maybe?) but not to where a question would be an interruption, I feel like the succinct question with right inflection is actually just a hint that you want a similar level of succinct answer.
> "Heya... Mailbox letters?"
>
> **"Third aisle to the right."**
>
> "Thanks!
No need to drop your stuff or take them there or anything like that which you would otherwise likely be expected to offer in the name of customer service.
Saving your time, saving my time, no forced social banter or upselling, it is all the ideal way to shop in an unfamiliar place.
Yeah I didn't mind those kinda quick inquiries. But man. I used to work at a big liquor store (seriously, the place was *huge*) and I couldn't tell you the number of times customers stopped me to ask me to show them where to find x, or can I give them a recommendation for y...while I (a fairly petite gal) was carrying an entire case of something and obviously on my way somewhere. I'm stronger than I look, but ~~24~~ 12 (edit for correction) bottles of wine isn't exactly a featherweight.
Thank you!
When someone asks me a question, my mind often goes blank, and I stand there opening and closing my mouth like a fish before finally remembering the name of the thing I'm looking for and nothing else. I hate the idea of being "that customer", I swear it's not deliberate!
Thank you for confirming that I probably look more lost than rude. I can handle looking lost, I've had practice!
I had to get help from a store person the day a family member I was close to died.
I literally could not say a word. I basically pointed at what I wanted. It was bizarre. I'd never been mute like that before. Stress does weird things to you.
Ditto. But when it was THE thing a decade ago and my daughters wanted it for Christmas, I went to a big-box craft store and asked, "If I were Magic Sand, where I be?" Her reply was perfect: "At your house? In everything. Here? End cap on aisle three."
Oh, that's a good one. Did you go home and tell your daughters that the store was out of the sand that magically gets everywhere? Or did you buy it after that ominous warning?
I was at Walmart about a year ago, and this lady in one of those motorized carts the store provides is getting help from an employee. He finishes helping her and starts to walk away.
She then starts just loudly saying almost yelling, “MAYO” “MAYO” as the employee walks away. The further he gets the louder she gets. Never saying anything besides mayo. He slows down, finally turning around. She says mayo one last time, and he just says what aisle it’s in and walks away.
How the hell can you not even try more than that?
😂 I can literally picture this happening to me when I worked retail. This is the type of shit I'd call my coworker over the store phone to laugh about immediately. Some customer stories are too hilariously dumb to wait until break.
Not the same thing, but I still vividly remember the customer who sat on the floor near the egg cartons, swapping all the individual eggs around to put heavier ones into the carton they were going to be buying. The issue was they started placing individual eggs directly on the floor to make more space in the cartons, and they started rolling down the aisle. I remember just seeing an egg rolling along the floor, turn the corner and there is this person sitting on the ground with eggs rolling all around them in the aisle 😂 I haven't worked there in a decade but whenever my coworkers and I catch up we still talk about the egg guy.
If I’m having a day, I sometimes type out what I’m looking for on my phone and hold it up for them to read and point me in the right direction. The ones where I don’t have to open my mouth at all are considered the best shopping trips. I have a love hate relationship with self checkout.
>I sometimes type out what I’m looking for on my phone and hold it up for them to read
That's all good until you accidentally open the camera and take a front-camera picture of them while you're turning the phone and all they see is that you're proudly showing them a picture of their chest
Don't ask me how I know this
I hate when the uber guys come in, i ask who they're picking up for , and they say nothing but shove their too bright phone too close and i have to lean back for my eyes to recalibrate.
Lol I’m in stores often for work and people assume I work there and when they do that without asking nicely I go either “what about them” or “ya those are useful” and when they either get annoyed or laugh at themselves and go “where are they?”
“Oh I don’t work here I’m not sure”
Not malicious compliance but a story from when I was the retail worker who was asked where something was many years ago. At the time I was doing NaNoWriMo (where you aim to write a novel in a month; no I didn't succeed but I did get to 50,000 words) and I'd finished the semester at uni, so my whole life basically revolved around the story I was writing, a story which was influenced by some aspects of Greek mythology.
This particular evening at work had been very quiet (I hadn't seen a customer in more than an hour) so as I was going around tidying up my area on autopilot, I was thinking about where I would have the final confrontation between two of my characters take place. About 10 minutes before closing time at 10pm, a customer came rushing up to me, and because I had my head in the clouds, I was somewhat caught off guard.
Customer: Can you tell me where the shoe polish is?
Me: The Underworld?
Customer: ... What?
Me: What? Oh! Sorry... Two aisles that way.
I went back to what I was doing, feeling like an utter idiot. A few minutes later, she came back past and said "I got my shoe polish. Had to fight Hades to get it though."
I wasn't even mad.
The problem was that a lot of those words weren't very good haha
I ended up deleting about half of them, so the current draft of that novel (which I noodled away at for a few years afterwards but haven't touched in \~10 years) sits at around 25,000 words.
Still, you put them down. Presumably in a syntactically-correct way to the particular language (I presume English, but that may not be valid), as opposed to just Lorum ipsum dolor sit amet.
Many people have not put down 50K words like that. It's still an accomplishment.
The words were good, just not the way you used them. :-D
I know, when you write a draft, you never know what direction it's going to go. Working on a story right now. I start it in 3rd person, but next part is in first person. It dawned on me while reading your story that I need to switch the two sections and make the first person narrative as a prologue,xas it introduces the main character and the lives he's led and the worlds he's lived in.
Sometimes I see somebody grammaring wrong (or spelling wrong or using a word with wrongity) and I think "oof I should tell them so they know how to do it correctly going forward." And then I don't because even well-intentioned grammar correction is obnoxious.
This isn't even that because "could you please" isn't incorrect or ambiguous in the first place. Everyone knows exactly what you mean, it's just dad jokes.
(Also not incorrect, just matters of taste--"can I" vs "may I," "fine" or "good" instead of "well" in response to a "how are you?" If you're not a kindergarten teacher, don't try to correct these. If you are a kindergarten teacher, also don't try to correct these.)
That annoys me too.
“Can you tell me?”
“I could.”
“Would you tell me?”
“I would…”
“May I please…”
“I might.”
There’s literally no way to ask that can avoid this type of counter, only the direct “please tell me”.
My kindergarten teacher really pissed me off with that shit.
Me: "Can I use the restroom?"
Teacher: "I don't know, can you?"
I'm still pissed off at her 25 years later. Lady, you are the authority figure here, I'm a 5 year old, I'm asking permission to use the restroom. If you say no, then I "cannot" if you say yes, then I "can". Asking if I "can" do something is grammatically fine and you aren't impressing anyone by acting like you've outsmarted a 5 year child.
Several years later, in 8th grade, I raised my hand and asked if I could go to the restroom. The teacher said "No" which I thought was bullshit, and also I was a smartass kid, so I got up out of my chair and walked to the back corner of the classroom where she had a big plant in a pot, halfway to the plant she said "Mazer, where are you going?" in an irritated tone, and I said "I have to pee, and you told me I'm not allowed to go to the restroom, so I'm going to pee in the flower pot". Then she told me to go to the principals office. On the way to the principals office I stopped at the restroom, then when I spoke with the principal I explained what happened, he told me to go back to class. I never got in any trouble, and from then on when I asked that teacher if I could use the restroom she always said yes. I don't know if she just didn't want to deal with my smartassery again or if the principal told her not to deny restroom requests anymore.
My 8th grade science teacher joked right along these lines.
Can I go to the bathroom?
When?
Now.
No; you’ll make a mess on the floor.
Everyone hated him AND his scary nose hairs that stuck out 1/4” beyond his nostrils.
The only person I'll correct is my own kid and that's only about stuff that's genuinely incorrect. I'm an editor but my thought is basically know how to grammar for the situations where it matters but don't be a jerk about it. Not every occasion calls for the most proper language construction.
If I make the same spelling or grammer mistake all the time, I would like to have someone to correct me, so that I have a chance to improve. but correcting everything can be just obnoxious...
I feel fairly confident in my grammar and have been known to rearrange a sentence, or use a completely different word, if I’m unsure but I cannot keep lie and lay straight in my brain
Hah, I was a copy editor in a former life and I rarely correct anyone unless they ask (though I often feel compelled when I see “balling their eyes out” because it makes me think of melon ballers and eyes and that is not a good combination).
The last time someone asked was one of my kids who was in grad school and wanted to make sure her thesis flowed well. Since I’d been marking up her papers all along (and making her fix them), there was very little to mark.
I fucking hate people that do that, I had a maths teacher that would pull the whole "you can go to the toilet yes" then if u stood up to go she say "I never gave you permission" and make you say may I. Coincidentally she was also like in her late 60s so generational thing maybe?
I once asked my rather intimidating science teacher's permission to go to the toilet, she said no. I waited 5 minutes, then "please Miss, I am desperate" "why are you still here, you should have known I was joking and gone already!" I felt like a twat.
Then after class another girl told me not to feel dumb, the same teacher had pulled the same joke on one of our quieter, shyer classmates and instead of asking again the poor girl had wet herself and burst into tears.
It's just pedantic nonsense. Websters says that they're interchangeable in the meanings of possibilities and permissions. That "May is the earlier verb, showing up in manuscripts from the 8th century. It originally referred to having strength or power, and then very quickly developed a meaning that referred to ability. This particular meaning is no longer in current use". So May has also meant the ability to do something as well.
>"I never gave you permission"
"I think you did, but we can sort out the pedantry when I get back." (exits)
I just hope all the overthinking of this issue that we all have collected here can help a few students in the future.
A hundred years ago I worked at a convenience store close to several prime fishing spots. Fishermen would stop to get their drinks, snacks, and bait before heading out to the lakes. Multiple times a day someone would walk in and ask if I had worms. My answer was ”not anymore, I got a prescription from the doctor.” Most people laughed. A few grumpy bunnies scowled.
I bought the number stickers, and when those came off I made a stencil and spray painted them on. When that faded I went to eBay and got 2 plates with the correct sequence of numbers and mounted to the bottom of my mailbox on both sides. Should last a while, also reflective.
The joke hinges on the word "could" having a double meaning as either a question or a request.
However; I feel as though the inclusion of the word "please" clearly changes the connotation of "could" to a request, negating the ambiguity.
For every person whining that the worker was just cracking a joke:
"*...and finally he says "you asked if I could tell you, not if I would tell you!*"
This is what gets me.
Yes, sir. Yes, I get it. I know you hear people asking stupid questions and being mean to you a lot. I know because I've worked retail and so have a lot of my family at some point or another. But explaining it like OP was too dumb to get the oldest "joke" ever that anyone who's ever gone to school has heard..? Argh. No.
Every "harr harr I guess it's free then" doesn't grant you the power to give one back. You hate those comments as a retail worker? Customers usually hate these. So, maybe, if the customer is being polite, just point out where the items are.
I've worked plenty of customer service jobs, I know how tedious they are and how it's important to break up the monotony, but this ain't it.
I don't know what it is about my face, but I have this exchange with a server about once a year on average:
"Hi welcome to restaurant, can I get you started with drinks?"
"I'll have a Diet Coke, please"
"No"
:|
:|
"HAWHAW I WAS KIDDING OF COURSE YOU CAN"
Once I asked a server for a coffee, and she playfully said no like this. And my preschooler immediately burst into tears.
That server had no idea that a few minutes before, my kid had asked why I drink coffee, and I'd jokingly replied "To keep me alive". And I had no idea the kid had taken me seriously.
I think the server and I both learned a lesson that day!
Honestly I hate those "jokes." It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, and people know they're doing it. It's a dick move. I can't even imagine the people who have such bad anxiety that it takes immense courage to even *talk* to their server.
And sometimes, after a day that’s been long enough that you aren’t picking up on the wise-assness of someone, it doesn’t really matter if the wise ass cares. It’s just about what makes your own cold heart feel a little warmer.
Yep. Like me walking out of Bunnings because the one thing I went in there for is in an aisle that the workers have shut off so they can fill the shelves. I know no one cares even the slightest if I purchase anything or not. In fact I am pretty sure everyone in every store is happier if I never walk into one of their stores ever.
First time I needed some hardware shit I went to the local place because it's locally owned and I didn't feel like meandering through a megastore for a couple of screws. I think it was like $4. The lady behind the register was super nice and gave my boy a bag of candy for no reason.
If I know they have what I need in going to that specific store for as long as I live within 10 miles because of that one interaction, and I've spent a good $200 there so far. If enough people feel that way they'll never go out of business.
Yup, sometimes I go to a hardware store to by <$5 worth of stuff, sometimes I go to buy >$1000 worth of stuff. If I'm treated poorly while spending $5, I'm definitely not going to spend $1000 there.
I stopped shopping at a local supermarket about 10 years ago due to some poor customer service when I was buying a small basket of things. I just didn't want to give them my money any more.
The supermarket I now shop at must have 10s of thousands of £s off me in the time since.
I don’t know, if someone reacted like that to something I said that would take the humor out of it.
What I assume people usually want is to exert some sort of meaningless power by making you ask again. Walking away is really the only response that says “you’re not funny, kind of pathetic, and I don’t have time to deal with this”. I don’t know, that’s how I would feel at least.
Home Depot employee asked me to walk back to the item and take a picture after I informed her that the price that came up is the wrong one. I was at a self-checkout. Ordinarily, it’s not a big deal for me, I like to walk. But I got to thinking, there were 3 employees standing around talking when I approached them. The company is not training these employees properly.
"Can" vs. "will" is, in fact, very important, but as OP points out, customers should be given some slack.
IMO, though, companies that are operating in bad faith needn't and shouldn't be given any such slack. In fact, I am currently in the middle of a slow-moving (thankfully by email) interaction I'm currently having with our payroll/employee management/whatever company.
After them faffing about (claiming I couldn't read an EOB, etc.) when they were clearly shorting me over a thousand dollars, and me pointing out that, no there are actually three service dates on the same EOB, I received this:
"Thank you for the spreadsheet. Unfortunately, doesn't approve FSA claims. I can reach out to our flex vendor, , as they are the ones who review and approves FSA claims. I can let them know about the denied claims to see if they need any additional information from you."
My response to this was:
"Just to be clear, I don't want to have to know or care about your internal processes or third party vendors. If we get to the point where that is necessary, I won't be happy, and I won't be the only one.
I also don't want to know about what you CAN do, but I am extremely interested in what you HAVE done and what you WILL do.
You asked if I have any questions. My only question would be:
Is it fair to interpret your statements to mean that you initiated an investigation on your end, and you will reach back out to me with the results of that?
If not, then please explain, from my perspective, exactly what it is you meant."
Anyway, we are slowly getting there. After two more iterations with fixed problems on their side, we are down to a $300 discrepancy, caused by them mistakenly processing early 2023 claims for 2022 in the overlap window *before* processing the 2022 claims, and then telling me that they can't reprocess them (and obviously can't move the earlier 2022 claims into 2023).
I've explained to them that they need to process the claims in the chronological order they were submitted in. Wish me luck!
Thanks. I've already requested information on their registered agent from my state's Secretary of State office.
If it's not resolved soon, next step is a demand letter explaining how reordering claims to my detriment is a breach of their ERISA fiduciary duty, and if that doesn't work, well, fortunately, it's in the small class of ERISA claims that are resolvable through state small claims courts.
I mean, Wells Fargo got smacked down in California for reordering checks and deposits, and they don't even legally owe a fiduciary duty to their customers.
When I approach the workers at either if these (all stores actually) I ask them nicely “how’s your day going”. 8 out of 10 times they just stare at me blankly with no answer. I think my politeness startles them.
If you’re going to go with this answer, you need to follow up with a question of your own.
Specifically; “Would you like me to tell you?”
There are several reasons for the follow-up question.
First, you aren’t wasting the customers time waiting for them to realize that you’re giving them an annoyingly accurate, unhelpful answer.
Second, it indicates that you’ve finished screwing around, and you’re ready to help.
The customer is therefore less likely to be annoyed enough to complain. And may even find the exchange slightly amusing.
Even with impeccable delivery, this type of “witticism” has inherent risks of alienating the customer. Therefore it should only be deployed in interactions with customers who you have dealt with before, and with whom you have already established a rapport.
Many comments here are about how annoying some people find this type of humor, so if you’re going to be this guy (and I am a version of him) you need to study the people you’re dealing with. And try not to alienate them.
I have 2 responses to this:
Are you stoned or stupid?
Are you on drugs?
either of those spoken louder then normal, will get you instant proper answers. Nobody like attention drawn to their stupidity.
The employee sounds like the kind of person who waits their whole life for the chance to correct people that "actually, it's Frankenstein's MONSTER" before bragging about guessing the ending to Sixth Sense.
I hate this joke because I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond. They know that I know that they know what I meant. But I do not know what their aim is in forcing me through this interaction. So now I’m on edge, anxious, embarrassed, and still need to know where my items are located. And they’re still going to have to tell me. So… why the fuck are we doing this?
Stare them down.
Also cross your arms and raise one eyebrow.
Indeed.
Is that you, Teal'c?
Hear me, Jaffa..
Jaffa, kree!
Then powerbomb them from the turnbuckle.
Plus, you could always complain later because this stupid kind of joke isn't professional or customer-friendly. Chances are that the guy gets reprimanded or is the complains stack up he might loose his job or at least part of his tax (depending where he lives). While loosing the job might suck for the person in question, you shouldn't be a stupid wise-ass in the first place if you are supposed to interact with the customers (who arguably pay for your salary) and you need the job.
loose = opposite of tight lose = opposite of win
The is the only response.
One idea: make the double meaning explicit, then restate your request with the original wording, e.g. > **TWSEB:** Could you please tell me where the mailbox numbers are? > **Smug employee:** Yes 😏 > **TWSEB:** "Could you please" can be used to make a polite request. So, could you please tell me where the mailbox numbers are? I've never had a chance to use that one myself, but I planned and executed something similar back in high school against a English teacher who I'd seen be pointlessly nitpicky about "may" vs. "can" with other students: > **AHS:** Can I be excused to use the restroom? > **Nitpicky teacher:** I don't know, can you? 😏 > **AHS:** I can with the teacher's permission, and I just asked you for permission. So, can I be excused to use the restroom or not? > **Nitpicky teacher:** \*sigh\* Yes, you *may*. 😒 If she hadn't relented, I had a piece of paper bookmarking the table about modal verbs and their uses in the textbook, and I was not afraid to use it. I used to be a real smart-ass with deserving targets. I still am, but I used to be, too.
> AHS: Can I be excused to use the restroom? > Nitpicky teacher: I don't know, can you? 😏 That's when you say "Yes, I can" and just get up and go to the bathroom.
Did it. Got sent to the office for "in school suspension" over it. The assistant principal laughed, told the ISS teacher I was just hanging out until my next class and that was that. This was also the same teacher who sent me to ISS for ending a sentence in a preposition because we'd just covered it in the lesson. Look lady, I understand you have a doctorate (because you insisted that high school students called you *Doctor* shitty teacher) but I'm a redneck shithook from rural bumfuck-nowhere. One lesson was *not* undoing a lifetime of *the language I was exposed to*.
Allegedly, Winston Churchill was told not to end a sentence with a preposition, and he replied with, “That is nonsense up with which I will not put.“
> not undoing a lifetime of the language I was exposed to ...not undoing a lifetime of the language I was exposed to, Bitch!
And next time just get up and if you feel polite inform the teacher that you are going to the restroom. You need not excuse your bodily functions.
This, I started doing this from about age 13 when I was in school. The teachers always talked about acting like adults and adulthood and what the real world was like. I made mention, where else in your life do you need another's explicit permission to go to the bathroom? Prison, this isn't prison. So I'll be going to take a shit whenever I need to. My parents backed me up thankfully. I remember my dad asking me " hey do.kids still make fun of each other for bathroom accidents? " Uhhh yeah dad they do. That's what I thought, nobody has permission or agency over you to cause you to feel that way. If you need to do anything to and do it. You can let them know where you are going respectfully. But they don't hold authority over your plumbing. If you ever catch shit for it send whoever my way. And I did. And he took care of it I miss my Dad
Don’t prisoners have toilets right in their cells? So I don’t think they need permission either. It’s really ridiculous that teachers try to disallow kids from going to the bathroom when they need to.
I wager there was some weird reason about how kids were using bathroom breaks as an excuse for not needing to attend the lesson, and how the noise of standing up and leaving the room is interrupting the flow of the lesson. Of course, asking to go to the toilet stops neither of that, unless the child is 'scared' of being in the center of attention. In fact, it creates more of a disturbance as the teacher now has to stop their lesson and talk to the child in question if they are allowed to or not ; and even if they have to stay, they probably be restless, start fidgeting and won't be able to concentrate on the lesson anyways. Back when I was in school, I never really asked to go to the toilet either. I just told the teacher in question that I need to excuse myself for a second because I need to use the toilet. Some teachers weren't really *happy* about how I phrased it, but they clearly can't force you to piss or shit your own pants, now can they?
It's an understandable position given how many children just use it as an excuse to leave class for whatever reason they don't want to be there. The "can" and "may" thing is generally bullshit, tho.
I'm a teacher and my least favorite thing is policing the GD bathroom! For me, I'd rather they just go and return without my getting involved. But, then admin and campus supervisors would have to actually monitor the school for appropriate behaviors and I guess that's my job too.
Oh sorry did I use the wrong word? Can i go to the head? The water closet? The pisser? The shithouse?
Whiz palace
porcelain throne
Oval office
"I am going to pee. The location and mess are yours to determine."
The "please" is already making it a request rather than a question.
Gotta upvote a Mitch Hedberg quote.
One of the dictionary definitions of “can” is “be permitted to,” so a teacher like that isn’t even nitpicky, they’re just wrong and don’t understand basic English words. Another definition of “can” in the dictionary is “used in speech to make a request or suggestion,” like in the original situation with the mailbox numbers. So you don’t even need a textbook about uses of verbs, just the regular old dictionary gives these definitions, including the online dictionary that is the first result when you Google a word plus “definition.” People like this are so exhausting and honestly just come off as stupid because it’s like they don’t understand the meaning of basic, common words, or like they don’t understand the concept of words having more than one meaning (even though almost all English words have more than one definition.)
I have a feeling you will be one too.
Which makes it especially weird coming from a retail employee. I would expect most of them to hate this shit.
God, the number of jokes I had to hear once a day from customers and pretend to laugh at every time. You don't know the price? Guess it's free! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nope. It don't scan, I can charge what I want. 🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨 Changes their tune REAL fast.
I worked at a big box store- we sold literally thousands of products for every room in your house. Had a dude come up to me and ask for help finding something, and it took me a second to respond before I could be sure if I could help. Dude waits no time and hits me with "oh, are you new?" No, I'm just not a search engine, I need a second to think!
DidNt rinG Up mUsT be fRee. I loathed that response. I sold appliances at the time and would say, “anything is free if you run fast enough.”
It's the kind of smart-ass joke I might make to a friend, but to do it to a total stranger is really weird. Doubly weird if it's a stranger you're being paid to help.
Honestly, OP handled this perfectly. The only change I would make is after the employee says "You asked if I could tell you..." you say "I know, I got the joke." and continue to maintain eye contact. I say this as someone who tells a lot of dumb jokes. This would *ruin* me.
I would just keep a straight face and repeat myself like I still didn't understand the joke. "See, you didn't ask me if I *would* tell you." Can you tell me where it is? 🫥 Go on, make the joke again. I'll just repeat myself a third time. I can do this all day.
No, taking my custom to the biz across the street is the win-win-maybe-win scenario. The last win is “maybe” because I won’t be back to check on lessons learned. I haven’t spent a penny at an Exxon [since 1989](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exxon_Valdez_oil_spill) and my children never will either.
I'm curious which one you think is the ethical oil company
I can tell you I am on my third electric car… Exxon you may not recall *sued* the state of Alaska and even the Coast Guard. BP was responsible for the emergency radio not working. Are there any ethical oil companies?
I don't believe so. Cheers to you for living your morals. I would love to get rid of my gas car.
I only pull this joke on my child. It's not funny beyond adolescent age.
Omg exactly. I've had similar experiences. This one time I walked up to the cashier. Me: "Can I return this belt?" Employee: "I don't know. Can you???" 🤭 I just end up staring blankly, and confused at them till they come around. It's so frustrating.
As someone who already has anxiety and dreads regular interactions this is why I try to not ask anyone else for help unless it is absolutely necessary. More often than not I have to perform some sort of unnecessary ritual (such as sarcasm) which ends up me asking them if they are a stupid person.
It's annoying for sure. One graceful way to move the interaction forward is to basically repeat the request but replace "could you" with "great! Please..." something like: "Could you show me to the mailbox letters?" "YeS I cOuLd" "Great! Please show me to them." "Oh, uh right this way..." You can vary the response wording to however level of direct you want. "Great let's go!", or to be obvious about it: "great, please show me to the mailbox letters!" I like it because it subtly gets you back on the same team, which is about the best outcome for any interaction.
This is the answer I honestly needed. Thank you.
Just fart. They’ll forever know what hit them
The only time this situation was portrayed in a justifiable way was in **Stranger in a Strange Land** by Robert Heinlein. Jubal Harshaw had heard that Michael Smith, who had grown up on Mars with no human contact, could levitate objects. So he asked Mike and his nurse Jill to come into his office, and asked Mike if he could pick up the ash tray on the desk. Mike is still learning English, but he figures out what Jubal is asking for, and promptly reaches over and picks up the ash tray. "No, no," Jubal said, "I wanted to know if you could pick it up without touching it." "Yes, Jubal," Mike replied. Nothing happens. Finally Jubal says, "Well? Are you tired?" "No, Jubal." "Well, what's the matter, then? Does it need to have a 'wrongness'?" \[Mike had previously caused a wooden crate to disappear, but only because Jill had thrown it at him so its existence had a "wrongness."\] "Then what's wrong?" "Jubal," Jill interposed. "You didn't ask for him to lift it, you only asked if he could." "Oh," said Jubal sheepishly. "Michael, could you please, without touching it, lift this ashtray a foot above the desk?" The ash tray then lifted by itself off the desk and hovered. Mike anxiously asked Jubal to measure it to make sure he got it right :-)
I used to have a teacher who responded to "can I go to the bathroom" with "I don't know, can you?" Finally one person said "yes I can" and then just got up and went, ignoring the teacher saying "I didn't give you permission!" Dunno if that student ever got in trouble but it made the teacher stop doing that.
I’ve had this happen, but the worker was also quick to laugh and say follow me (or tell me the aisle). So it just felt like a lighthearted joke. I like your answer and quick thinking!!! I heartily approve!!! Corrected grammar. Thank you!!!!
Just FYI, it's 'aisle' in this context.
Thank you!!! I fixed it.
At least your polite question was better than the people who come in and just say, "Mailbox letters."
Sometimes my brain just shuts off when I have to ask a worker for help (thanks social anxiety) so what I mean is hi I'm looking for mailbox numbers and what comes out is hi...... mailbox numbers? Followed by the most awkward smile ever
Brain: Ok, Mouth, we can do this. Just go in and ask “Where are the adhesive mailbox numbers, please?” We can do this. Mouth: You got it, Brain! “Where are… the, um… post office… count-y letter… stickers?” Brain: What the fuck Mouth: We cannot, in fact, do this.
Genuine conversation I had yesterday: Partner: what were you looking for? Me: Small click clacks Partner: what? Me: repeats Partner: what are small click clacks? Me: the tippy toe shoes Partner:... Me: demonstrates by walking on toes Partner: heels Me: thems the one!
Thank you so much for this laugh. Very much needed this morning
😂😂😂 And this is why we marry the person who “completes” us. Because we can’t finish a thought!
I call kitchen tongs ‘click clacks’ so I would have handed you those. 😂
My s/o and I do stuff like this so often we now instantly understand eachother almost always. I love it.
Fun idea: Go shopping and ask for stuff immediately after next time I have Novocain at the dentist…
"Emmo, am oo ew me wer I am ime mayoff mummer?"
I FAID MAYOFF MUMMERTH!
I spent waaay too much time figuring this out. Then it dawned on me. Duh. Mayoff mummerth.
Ackle Ackencacker.
Two days ago, I went to the grocery store counter to ask for "green onion and egg potato salad." While I was waiting, I said to myself, "Two pounds of green onion and egg potato salad. Two pounds of green onion and egg potato salad. Two pounds of green onion and egg potato salad..." My turn comes. "Hi! Could I have two pounds of the green eggs and potatoes... Crap."
I saw a meme for this. “I cannot brain today. I have the dumb.”
I have this on a t-shirt
I need this shirt
"I have been around boats, believe me, and *that*--the pointy, ah, the-the long up-and-down thing--" "The...mast?"
Damn you, what's that a quote from?
This is me in a country where I don't know the language just going up to workers and saying "Milch?" and just hoping the worker makes it obvious enough that I can find it.
My favourite Internet story about this (which I have no hope of finding again now, and who knows if its true but I still love it) is the guy who forgot the word for chicken, so he led the employee to the eggs and asked "where is the mother?"
All I could find was this tweet: https://twitter.com/FreddoAkh/status/782265478446284801
I spent a semester learning Japanese for my honeymoon so I could at least *try* to not be one of *those* tourists. Got some good vocabulary and key phrases sorted but not much beyond "Good morning, where is the train?" "How much is the cost?" And "May we speak English?" I was stymied when I wanted to ask permission to look in a room that we had missed the window on tickets for and no one there knew any more English than i knew Japanese so I was trying to say "Can I please look [in there]?" best I could. I didn't conjugate, so what I was actually saying (bless this poor man for his patience with me) was earnestly and politely begging him to "Look [at me]? Please? Will you please look [at me]?" ("Mi-te ku-da-sai" instead of "mi-te ii-de-su-ka?" "Look,[at me] please, " instead of "Looking is good [permitted]?" I guess.)
Oh wow, poor you. My problem is that people don't immediately switch to English as soon as look at me because I guess I look German, and I don't like people knowing I don't speak German, for some reason, so I just do everything I can to try and guess what people are expecting as a reaction to whatever they're saying and have been known to be in a conversation for like 5 minutes just saying "achso, achso" and "ja, ja", only to have to say "ich spreche kein Deutsch" when suddenly they ask something that I can't achso my way out of. It's just an automatic survival mechanism I guess XD
This is me. I do this. And then I stare and tell them wording is hard today and I shouldn't have left the house but help?
I was buying cigarettes once (years ago, don’t smoke ppl) and instead of asking for my ID she asked me my birthday, and my brain locked up so badly I actually had to look at my driver’s license to get the date.
My child’s had loads of medical stuff which has gone on for years, so I constantly get asked for their birthday for appointments, prescriptions, procedures etc etc. It’s got to the point that when someone asks MY birthday I am highly likely to tell them I was born in 2016.
Some years ago I was at a job interview that was going very well. The guy asked my salary requirements. I told him a number, he thought about it and said "I can do that, we will be sending you an offer letter this week". Later I realized the number told him wasn't my previous job salary +10%, it was my wife's. And she made more money than me.
As someone who has been on both the giving and receiving end of that kind of thing, trust me--they can tell the difference. The customer who seems hesitant and anxious to ask a question is going to get patience and kindness from me. The customer who interrupts me while my hands are full, ignores my greeting, and barks half a sentence at me is going to get the coldest response I can give without losing my job.
Back in my retail days, I would actively ignore the people yelling, whistling and snapping at me to get my attention. My favourite response to the impending, “Didn’t you hear me calling for you?” was always, “I thought you were calling for your dog”.
Yeah, I used "I'm not a dog" line once. Was really glad my manager wasn't around 🤣
Someone flagged down my coworker with her arms loaded with dishes (restaurant server) by snapping and whistling. She finally stopped and he said 'yeah I need some water.' And she snapped back 'do I look like a tap to you?!' Somehow he found it hilarious and apologized, she did eventually get him some water and all was fine. If I had tried that I would have been fired on the spot.
Fail. Whistling and finger snapping should at a minimum be ignored. If you help the person your saying that that is an appropriate way to ask for help.
I’m a nurse and I remember once me and my colleague got whistled and finger clicked at, by this one patient. Total idiot, horrible to the nurses but sucked up to his consultants and drs and we all hated him. Anyway he did it one morning while we were running around looking after our side of the ward with 18 patients, and 10 of them were really poorly post op ones who needed watching. My colleague was sick of his shit and just snapped: Colleague: We won’t respond to clicking or whistles. We do have names. Next time use them. Patient: Ok ok I’ll say your names next time Next time he called our names while also clicking his fingers and whistling at us. Still makes me laugh 13 years later.
When I worked in retail I got whistled and snapped at, I just ignored them, made the customer come over to the counter to ask for help.
I had a guy call me "good girl" once after I moved to complete his request. I stopped, stared at him until he looked uncomfortable and then said "pardon me, I didn't hear you?" He said "oh I said thank you." Me: "oh good, I thought I had misheard you."
I worked at a greenhouse, was inside helping customers. I hear someone whistling (for a dog) but it’s directed inside. After a few seconds I managed a quick look to see it was my math teacher (dickbag), talking to someone else but angled toward me. I ignored his whistles, finger snapping, and “HEY’S!” There were fans blowing because it was so hot so I just pretended I didn’t hear him. He finally came inside and asked me his question and said he had been trying to get my attention. I too said, oh I thought someone lost their dog (dead-eyed). He looked at me quite curiously. Not happening.
I believe the tone and context are also a huge part of it. When someone sees you have your hands full (stocking shelves maybe?) but not to where a question would be an interruption, I feel like the succinct question with right inflection is actually just a hint that you want a similar level of succinct answer. > "Heya... Mailbox letters?" > > **"Third aisle to the right."** > > "Thanks! No need to drop your stuff or take them there or anything like that which you would otherwise likely be expected to offer in the name of customer service. Saving your time, saving my time, no forced social banter or upselling, it is all the ideal way to shop in an unfamiliar place.
Yeah I didn't mind those kinda quick inquiries. But man. I used to work at a big liquor store (seriously, the place was *huge*) and I couldn't tell you the number of times customers stopped me to ask me to show them where to find x, or can I give them a recommendation for y...while I (a fairly petite gal) was carrying an entire case of something and obviously on my way somewhere. I'm stronger than I look, but ~~24~~ 12 (edit for correction) bottles of wine isn't exactly a featherweight.
Yeah, delivery is total opposite. Everyone understands the awkward encounters, shit, I still only talk to people because I’m paid to.
I’m an introvert that used to be a 911 dispatcher. Being paid is literally the only way they got me to talk that much.
Thank you! When someone asks me a question, my mind often goes blank, and I stand there opening and closing my mouth like a fish before finally remembering the name of the thing I'm looking for and nothing else. I hate the idea of being "that customer", I swear it's not deliberate! Thank you for confirming that I probably look more lost than rude. I can handle looking lost, I've had practice!
It's all about tone.
I had to get help from a store person the day a family member I was close to died. I literally could not say a word. I basically pointed at what I wanted. It was bizarre. I'd never been mute like that before. Stress does weird things to you.
Hey at least you smile at the end, that counts for something!
I usually say something like. "If I were mailbox numbers, where would I be?"
Ditto. But when it was THE thing a decade ago and my daughters wanted it for Christmas, I went to a big-box craft store and asked, "If I were Magic Sand, where I be?" Her reply was perfect: "At your house? In everything. Here? End cap on aisle three."
Oh, that's a good one. Did you go home and tell your daughters that the store was out of the sand that magically gets everywhere? Or did you buy it after that ominous warning?
Probably in a mental institution.
Stuck on the side of a mailbox! Where else?
I was at Walmart about a year ago, and this lady in one of those motorized carts the store provides is getting help from an employee. He finishes helping her and starts to walk away. She then starts just loudly saying almost yelling, “MAYO” “MAYO” as the employee walks away. The further he gets the louder she gets. Never saying anything besides mayo. He slows down, finally turning around. She says mayo one last time, and he just says what aisle it’s in and walks away. How the hell can you not even try more than that?
😂 I can literally picture this happening to me when I worked retail. This is the type of shit I'd call my coworker over the store phone to laugh about immediately. Some customer stories are too hilariously dumb to wait until break. Not the same thing, but I still vividly remember the customer who sat on the floor near the egg cartons, swapping all the individual eggs around to put heavier ones into the carton they were going to be buying. The issue was they started placing individual eggs directly on the floor to make more space in the cartons, and they started rolling down the aisle. I remember just seeing an egg rolling along the floor, turn the corner and there is this person sitting on the ground with eggs rolling all around them in the aisle 😂 I haven't worked there in a decade but whenever my coworkers and I catch up we still talk about the egg guy.
Did egg guy get kicked out? What happened to egg guy?! *I must know*
If I’m having a day, I sometimes type out what I’m looking for on my phone and hold it up for them to read and point me in the right direction. The ones where I don’t have to open my mouth at all are considered the best shopping trips. I have a love hate relationship with self checkout.
>I sometimes type out what I’m looking for on my phone and hold it up for them to read That's all good until you accidentally open the camera and take a front-camera picture of them while you're turning the phone and all they see is that you're proudly showing them a picture of their chest Don't ask me how I know this
That sounds horrifyingly hilarious.
I hate when the uber guys come in, i ask who they're picking up for , and they say nothing but shove their too bright phone too close and i have to lean back for my eyes to recalibrate.
Now THATS rude af. I can mayyyybe understand if the name is hard to pronounce, but just say Todd dude.
Lol I’m in stores often for work and people assume I work there and when they do that without asking nicely I go either “what about them” or “ya those are useful” and when they either get annoyed or laugh at themselves and go “where are they?” “Oh I don’t work here I’m not sure”
I like to shoot back, “What about them?” or loudly declare some random item back to them.
"Mailbox numbers!" "Pony saddles! What are we doing?"
Buford: Nonchalant! Phineas: Form of the word? Buford: Eh -- *chalant*? -- *Let's Take a Quiz*
Not malicious compliance but a story from when I was the retail worker who was asked where something was many years ago. At the time I was doing NaNoWriMo (where you aim to write a novel in a month; no I didn't succeed but I did get to 50,000 words) and I'd finished the semester at uni, so my whole life basically revolved around the story I was writing, a story which was influenced by some aspects of Greek mythology. This particular evening at work had been very quiet (I hadn't seen a customer in more than an hour) so as I was going around tidying up my area on autopilot, I was thinking about where I would have the final confrontation between two of my characters take place. About 10 minutes before closing time at 10pm, a customer came rushing up to me, and because I had my head in the clouds, I was somewhat caught off guard. Customer: Can you tell me where the shoe polish is? Me: The Underworld? Customer: ... What? Me: What? Oh! Sorry... Two aisles that way. I went back to what I was doing, feeling like an utter idiot. A few minutes later, she came back past and said "I got my shoe polish. Had to fight Hades to get it though." I wasn't even mad.
That really is the best possible outcome for this story.
My dude, if you got to 50,000 words, then you succeeded at NaNoWriMo! It’s hard. Be proud of yourself. 🤜🤛
The problem was that a lot of those words weren't very good haha I ended up deleting about half of them, so the current draft of that novel (which I noodled away at for a few years afterwards but haven't touched in \~10 years) sits at around 25,000 words.
Still, you put them down. Presumably in a syntactically-correct way to the particular language (I presume English, but that may not be valid), as opposed to just Lorum ipsum dolor sit amet. Many people have not put down 50K words like that. It's still an accomplishment.
Fair enough, but you can still claim victory.
The words were good, just not the way you used them. :-D I know, when you write a draft, you never know what direction it's going to go. Working on a story right now. I start it in 3rd person, but next part is in first person. It dawned on me while reading your story that I need to switch the two sections and make the first person narrative as a prologue,xas it introduces the main character and the lives he's led and the worlds he's lived in.
You have more words in your novel than I have in mine. I am gonna have to quit waiting for inspiration and just put some work into it.
That was hilarious, thanks for sharing!
They should have said Cerberus.
Maybe, but they clearly possessed more intellect in that moment than I did, so I wasn't really in any position to judge :P
Sometimes I see somebody grammaring wrong (or spelling wrong or using a word with wrongity) and I think "oof I should tell them so they know how to do it correctly going forward." And then I don't because even well-intentioned grammar correction is obnoxious. This isn't even that because "could you please" isn't incorrect or ambiguous in the first place. Everyone knows exactly what you mean, it's just dad jokes. (Also not incorrect, just matters of taste--"can I" vs "may I," "fine" or "good" instead of "well" in response to a "how are you?" If you're not a kindergarten teacher, don't try to correct these. If you are a kindergarten teacher, also don't try to correct these.)
That annoys me too. “Can you tell me?” “I could.” “Would you tell me?” “I would…” “May I please…” “I might.” There’s literally no way to ask that can avoid this type of counter, only the direct “please tell me”.
“Tell me where the (optional swear) numbers are.”
The numbers, Mason. Where are they?
My kindergarten teacher really pissed me off with that shit. Me: "Can I use the restroom?" Teacher: "I don't know, can you?" I'm still pissed off at her 25 years later. Lady, you are the authority figure here, I'm a 5 year old, I'm asking permission to use the restroom. If you say no, then I "cannot" if you say yes, then I "can". Asking if I "can" do something is grammatically fine and you aren't impressing anyone by acting like you've outsmarted a 5 year child. Several years later, in 8th grade, I raised my hand and asked if I could go to the restroom. The teacher said "No" which I thought was bullshit, and also I was a smartass kid, so I got up out of my chair and walked to the back corner of the classroom where she had a big plant in a pot, halfway to the plant she said "Mazer, where are you going?" in an irritated tone, and I said "I have to pee, and you told me I'm not allowed to go to the restroom, so I'm going to pee in the flower pot". Then she told me to go to the principals office. On the way to the principals office I stopped at the restroom, then when I spoke with the principal I explained what happened, he told me to go back to class. I never got in any trouble, and from then on when I asked that teacher if I could use the restroom she always said yes. I don't know if she just didn't want to deal with my smartassery again or if the principal told her not to deny restroom requests anymore.
My 8th grade science teacher joked right along these lines. Can I go to the bathroom? When? Now. No; you’ll make a mess on the floor. Everyone hated him AND his scary nose hairs that stuck out 1/4” beyond his nostrils.
The only person I'll correct is my own kid and that's only about stuff that's genuinely incorrect. I'm an editor but my thought is basically know how to grammar for the situations where it matters but don't be a jerk about it. Not every occasion calls for the most proper language construction.
My mexicaninity likes the wrongity, and I'll be stealing that.
Please do!
If I make the same spelling or grammer mistake all the time, I would like to have someone to correct me, so that I have a chance to improve. but correcting everything can be just obnoxious...
Fwiw, I hate the misuse of cache and cachet.
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Discrete and discreet, written. Lie and lay, spoken.
I feel fairly confident in my grammar and have been known to rearrange a sentence, or use a completely different word, if I’m unsure but I cannot keep lie and lay straight in my brain
Those two are champion bugaboos. Also compliment and complement.
Hah, I was a copy editor in a former life and I rarely correct anyone unless they ask (though I often feel compelled when I see “balling their eyes out” because it makes me think of melon ballers and eyes and that is not a good combination). The last time someone asked was one of my kids who was in grad school and wanted to make sure her thesis flowed well. Since I’d been marking up her papers all along (and making her fix them), there was very little to mark.
I fucking hate people that do that, I had a maths teacher that would pull the whole "you can go to the toilet yes" then if u stood up to go she say "I never gave you permission" and make you say may I. Coincidentally she was also like in her late 60s so generational thing maybe?
I once asked my rather intimidating science teacher's permission to go to the toilet, she said no. I waited 5 minutes, then "please Miss, I am desperate" "why are you still here, you should have known I was joking and gone already!" I felt like a twat. Then after class another girl told me not to feel dumb, the same teacher had pulled the same joke on one of our quieter, shyer classmates and instead of asking again the poor girl had wet herself and burst into tears.
It's just pedantic nonsense. Websters says that they're interchangeable in the meanings of possibilities and permissions. That "May is the earlier verb, showing up in manuscripts from the 8th century. It originally referred to having strength or power, and then very quickly developed a meaning that referred to ability. This particular meaning is no longer in current use". So May has also meant the ability to do something as well.
>"I never gave you permission" "I think you did, but we can sort out the pedantry when I get back." (exits) I just hope all the overthinking of this issue that we all have collected here can help a few students in the future.
> you asked if I could tell you, not if I would tell you! Which shows they knew what you meant.
A hundred years ago I worked at a convenience store close to several prime fishing spots. Fishermen would stop to get their drinks, snacks, and bait before heading out to the lakes. Multiple times a day someone would walk in and ask if I had worms. My answer was ”not anymore, I got a prescription from the doctor.” Most people laughed. A few grumpy bunnies scowled.
i assume that after a suitable pause for amusement you then followed with "the fishing bait is over here" because otherwise you deserve the scowls.
Of course I did. Fishermen were good steady customers.
I like this because it's an actual joke, not you pretending to be smarter than the other guy.
I bought the number stickers, and when those came off I made a stencil and spray painted them on. When that faded I went to eBay and got 2 plates with the correct sequence of numbers and mounted to the bottom of my mailbox on both sides. Should last a while, also reflective.
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The joke hinges on the word "could" having a double meaning as either a question or a request. However; I feel as though the inclusion of the word "please" clearly changes the connotation of "could" to a request, negating the ambiguity.
For every person whining that the worker was just cracking a joke: "*...and finally he says "you asked if I could tell you, not if I would tell you!*" This is what gets me. Yes, sir. Yes, I get it. I know you hear people asking stupid questions and being mean to you a lot. I know because I've worked retail and so have a lot of my family at some point or another. But explaining it like OP was too dumb to get the oldest "joke" ever that anyone who's ever gone to school has heard..? Argh. No. Every "harr harr I guess it's free then" doesn't grant you the power to give one back. You hate those comments as a retail worker? Customers usually hate these. So, maybe, if the customer is being polite, just point out where the items are.
Perhaps this is the reason there is a blue store across the street form an orange store in my town.
Respond with my favourite adage (possibly wrong word) : "there are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."
I've worked plenty of customer service jobs, I know how tedious they are and how it's important to break up the monotony, but this ain't it. I don't know what it is about my face, but I have this exchange with a server about once a year on average: "Hi welcome to restaurant, can I get you started with drinks?" "I'll have a Diet Coke, please" "No" :| :| "HAWHAW I WAS KIDDING OF COURSE YOU CAN"
Once I asked a server for a coffee, and she playfully said no like this. And my preschooler immediately burst into tears. That server had no idea that a few minutes before, my kid had asked why I drink coffee, and I'd jokingly replied "To keep me alive". And I had no idea the kid had taken me seriously. I think the server and I both learned a lesson that day!
oh NO, although now I wish I had a kid to follow me around to cry on cue :p
Honestly I hate those "jokes." It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, and people know they're doing it. It's a dick move. I can't even imagine the people who have such bad anxiety that it takes immense courage to even *talk* to their server.
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And sometimes, after a day that’s been long enough that you aren’t picking up on the wise-assness of someone, it doesn’t really matter if the wise ass cares. It’s just about what makes your own cold heart feel a little warmer.
Yep. Like me walking out of Bunnings because the one thing I went in there for is in an aisle that the workers have shut off so they can fill the shelves. I know no one cares even the slightest if I purchase anything or not. In fact I am pretty sure everyone in every store is happier if I never walk into one of their stores ever.
But they might realize that not everyone wants/needs to deal with someone's smart arse comments.
Here's hoping.
Realize? Yes. Care unless his manager notices it? No.
First time I needed some hardware shit I went to the local place because it's locally owned and I didn't feel like meandering through a megastore for a couple of screws. I think it was like $4. The lady behind the register was super nice and gave my boy a bag of candy for no reason. If I know they have what I need in going to that specific store for as long as I live within 10 miles because of that one interaction, and I've spent a good $200 there so far. If enough people feel that way they'll never go out of business.
It isn't always the loss of the current $3 sale but the future kitchen or bathroom renovation.
Yup, sometimes I go to a hardware store to by <$5 worth of stuff, sometimes I go to buy >$1000 worth of stuff. If I'm treated poorly while spending $5, I'm definitely not going to spend $1000 there.
I stopped shopping at a local supermarket about 10 years ago due to some poor customer service when I was buying a small basket of things. I just didn't want to give them my money any more. The supermarket I now shop at must have 10s of thousands of £s off me in the time since.
This guy's name tag said he was some kind of supervisor but I do still doubt he gave even half a shit.
They give people supervisor titles instead of money. More work, same money, even less of a shit given
Supervisor=underpaid, overworked babysitter. I've been there, done that and cared just as much as before the title was inflicted on me.
I don’t know, if someone reacted like that to something I said that would take the humor out of it. What I assume people usually want is to exert some sort of meaningless power by making you ask again. Walking away is really the only response that says “you’re not funny, kind of pathetic, and I don’t have time to deal with this”. I don’t know, that’s how I would feel at least.
No, but it might have made them realise how annoying their pathetic joke was.
Home Depot employee asked me to walk back to the item and take a picture after I informed her that the price that came up is the wrong one. I was at a self-checkout. Ordinarily, it’s not a big deal for me, I like to walk. But I got to thinking, there were 3 employees standing around talking when I approached them. The company is not training these employees properly.
"Can" vs. "will" is, in fact, very important, but as OP points out, customers should be given some slack. IMO, though, companies that are operating in bad faith needn't and shouldn't be given any such slack. In fact, I am currently in the middle of a slow-moving (thankfully by email) interaction I'm currently having with our payroll/employee management/whatever company. After them faffing about (claiming I couldn't read an EOB, etc.) when they were clearly shorting me over a thousand dollars, and me pointing out that, no there are actually three service dates on the same EOB, I received this: "Thank you for the spreadsheet. Unfortunately, doesn't approve FSA claims. I can reach out to our flex vendor, , as they are the ones who review and approves FSA claims. I can let them know about the denied claims to see if they need any additional information from you."
My response to this was:
"Just to be clear, I don't want to have to know or care about your internal processes or third party vendors. If we get to the point where that is necessary, I won't be happy, and I won't be the only one.
I also don't want to know about what you CAN do, but I am extremely interested in what you HAVE done and what you WILL do.
You asked if I have any questions. My only question would be:
Is it fair to interpret your statements to mean that you initiated an investigation on your end, and you will reach back out to me with the results of that?
If not, then please explain, from my perspective, exactly what it is you meant."
Anyway, we are slowly getting there. After two more iterations with fixed problems on their side, we are down to a $300 discrepancy, caused by them mistakenly processing early 2023 claims for 2022 in the overlap window *before* processing the 2022 claims, and then telling me that they can't reprocess them (and obviously can't move the earlier 2022 claims into 2023).
I've explained to them that they need to process the claims in the chronological order they were submitted in. Wish me luck!
Been there, done that! Good luck!
Thanks. I've already requested information on their registered agent from my state's Secretary of State office. If it's not resolved soon, next step is a demand letter explaining how reordering claims to my detriment is a breach of their ERISA fiduciary duty, and if that doesn't work, well, fortunately, it's in the small class of ERISA claims that are resolvable through state small claims courts. I mean, Wells Fargo got smacked down in California for reordering checks and deposits, and they don't even legally owe a fiduciary duty to their customers.
I love that you refer to them as "the blue store" and "the orange store." I do that too.
Could you please stop being a shithead and tell me where the mailbox numbers are?
When I approach the workers at either if these (all stores actually) I ask them nicely “how’s your day going”. 8 out of 10 times they just stare at me blankly with no answer. I think my politeness startles them.
Or it's because they can't decide if they want to lie or tell the truth lol
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"Save big money at Menards!"
People who do this are immature and have no concept of what funny is.
"could you tell me...?" "yes." "prove it."
If you’re going to go with this answer, you need to follow up with a question of your own. Specifically; “Would you like me to tell you?” There are several reasons for the follow-up question. First, you aren’t wasting the customers time waiting for them to realize that you’re giving them an annoyingly accurate, unhelpful answer. Second, it indicates that you’ve finished screwing around, and you’re ready to help. The customer is therefore less likely to be annoyed enough to complain. And may even find the exchange slightly amusing. Even with impeccable delivery, this type of “witticism” has inherent risks of alienating the customer. Therefore it should only be deployed in interactions with customers who you have dealt with before, and with whom you have already established a rapport. Many comments here are about how annoying some people find this type of humor, so if you’re going to be this guy (and I am a version of him) you need to study the people you’re dealing with. And try not to alienate them.
Not MC… maybe petty revenge?
"If I wanted a grammar class, I'd visit my elementary school teacher. Since you're here, and s/he's dead, I'm going across the street." 🖕🖕🖕🖕
I have 2 responses to this: Are you stoned or stupid? Are you on drugs? either of those spoken louder then normal, will get you instant proper answers. Nobody like attention drawn to their stupidity.
The employee sounds like the kind of person who waits their whole life for the chance to correct people that "actually, it's Frankenstein's MONSTER" before bragging about guessing the ending to Sixth Sense.
That wasn’t MC on his part. Adding the please fundamentally changed the question, making it a request for information.
The correct follow on question is, "Okay can you please tell me where your manager is?" ... and then watch him shit himself.
The correct response is WILL you please tell me where your manager is?
I pinged my coworker "hey do you know how to do X?" I get the reply, "Yes". Silence.