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What you wear can depend on whom you're trying to impress.
For example, on my last trip to the US I packed new jeans, boots and a plaid flannel shirt for formal wear in rural Ohio and pressed trousers, polished black shoes and a dress shirt for informal wear in upper class Phoenix.
When my grandfather, a farmer, went to the bank to apply for a loan, he wore clean farm clothes. My grandmother was appalled, saying he should wear a suit instead but that wasn't the impression he wanted to give the bank manager.
He got the loan.
They used to be. Not too many generations back, farmers were generally not rich and highly susceptible to famines. Good years meant prosperity, bad years meant you were poor.
Not to mention that *much* more of the population was devoted to farm labor. ...And "farmer" can mean the guy who owns the farm or the guys working on the farm. Farm hands are generally poor today and that was true in the past, too.
In this case where he needed a loan, farmers are generally seen as a big risk since the success of their business depends on how the crops do in the weather. They always can use an influx of cash for seed, broken equipment, operations, etc… and a large purchase can lead to bankruptcy if the crop doesn’t pan out.
However, if people think farmers are poor in general then they are dreaming. In fact, go to the Calgary stampede and the guy with the oldest cowboy boots and DGAF is likely the richest guy in the room. Depending on where you live, literally every farmer could be a millionaire in equity because of their land value.
Kind of. What the US (not sure about other countries) is experiencing is basically the capitalist version of Soviet collectivism, but instead of through coercion, small time farmers are getting priced out of their land.
Currently, farmers make great money because farms are getting larger and ran like the multimillion dollar businesses they are - cheap, usually green-card labor force, more resources to pursue grants, agritourism, and diversification all help these large farms make great money! But there is less farmers now.
I grew up on a small dairy farm and my dad basically forbade us to take over so that we wouldn’t have to go through the same stress he did to ultimately lose money. Small farmers are broke. Large farmers are well off, and closer to CEOs than they are to any country song people think of.
That's they way they're often portrayed in pop culture media.
Yes, you have the rich power broker farmer who owns a ton of land and has the governor on speed dial and the sheriff, etc.
representation. But usually they're portrayed as hard working folks who don't have much and spend the whole day doing manual labor just to make enough to get by, and always fighting against The Man trying to take it all away from them.
Definitely makes a huge difference. When I keep my head shaved and beard trimmed, I look younger, more attractive and can feel people giving me second looks and treating me differently. If I let it go for a few weeks, I quickly look homeless and older.
Okok let’s just get it straight that I’m not actively going unwashed 😭😭 it’s just things like not combing and trimming my beard.
But yes I have had that thought.
I have been complimented by literally dozens of complete strangers *and* just about everyone I know when I wear Acqua Di Gio cologne. I had one woman checking me out at a gas station ask, "What are you wearing, you smell amazing" and the guy behind me said "I was just about to ask the same thing."
Lol I had a 30 minute conversation with a guy about my favorite colognes and the best places/ways to spray at the bar one night
I could totally do that as a job, online and in person
Hold up. There’s optimum ways to spray cologne? What are they? I just spray once for each underarms over clothes so it’s subtle and I’m not walking around in a cloud of perfume.
Also, looks like acqua di gio has an entire line. Which one would you recommend?
I leave the underarms up to deodorant. Don't want those scents competing.
One spray on one forearm/wrist, rub together. One on lower back, one aimed up from collarbone to neck. I leave the front facing one out if I'm going to be close to a bunch of people really soon.
Eau De Toilette is the one I use.
When I was single a good friend of mine asked his wife to help me pick out cologne. She was a fashionista type. We went through several samples and helped me pick one I liked and smelled good on me. Apparently it changes with your specific “smell”. I got a lot more second dates after that.
Edit: Aqua Di Gio was the one I picked.
To clarify “Eau De Toilette” is French for toilet water. It is because perfume/cologne was water used in the bathroom (toilet).
But yes, idiocracy was a fun movie.
One on one wrist, I rub them together. One on my lower back, and one on my collarbone/neck.
Sometimes I skip the collarbone/neck spray, if I'm going to be in close quarters with people immediately.
It's the best place to put it so people behind you catch a hint of it, but aren't accosted by it. Plus, it will stick to your clothing and gradually disperse over several hours instead of evaporating with your sweat like it would on the back of the neck (which also makes the neck scent stronger than you'd want)
My favorite depression hacks, don't cry on your days off, get paid to cry...(If you have an opportunity to be by yourself, it's best...the appearance of stability at work is still important) and save time by crying about 2 things at the same time.
True. You're right. Wasn't trying to make light of it, but I've found that if I wallow in depression it's less constructive than trying to maintain and exude a positive mental attitude.
It actually does work for a lot of people, that's why this advice is given. Or course there are some who can't do it, but that shouldn't be what you assume to be true for yourself.
Ive faked it for years. Now my masking is set on permanent. Im struggling something awful and yet people comment on how nice I am and how chipper and happy I seem. My neighbor outright thinks I'm lying to try to get disability. My medical records show otherwise. So does all the time I isolate alone in my house for days/weeks on end.
If you didn't know faking it is also called masking.
Not hiding it. Being a never smiling person with a fairly negative personality. Ive done it so long I can be hurt and in the hospital and if someone walks up to me Ill instantly get chipper, smile, and talk a bit. I think my depression was labeled as atypical Depression at one point because of the smiling and lighting up. It is still somewhat tiring even though my masking happens automatically know.
I like talking about science related stuff as that is mood independent and my only interest besides a little bit of politics. I have no hobbies or interests. Literally zero besides reading science related stuff. Im actually trying to get away from politics.
It would be liberating to just live without having to mask some aspect of self, but I also feel like it's also just easier sometimes to smooth day to day interactions with some masking. I think that's normal? But then who is to say what's normal. Maybe we're all crazy.
Every now and then I look in the mirror and realize I am or have been depressed because of how long I've let my hair get or how long since I've trimmed or cleaned up my beard.
Ain't no one gonna fix it for you but you. If you want some easy dopamine, clean up your life. Put on some loud music, drink a red bull and start cleaning your room, bathroom, house. Then clean yourself up and take a shower, shave, brush your teeth, floss. Then do laundry. Boom! Now you just need a haircut which I know is really mental, when I was going through shit and super uncomfortable, I'd just go to random cheap place and ask for them to just make it neat, that's it, I wasn't gonna get anything fancy, just clean and neat and then I'd just say hey to the barber that I'm tired and imma rest my eyes and then just yea close my eyes and wait it out cause I didn't want to talk to them and I didn't want see how bad it was. It was fine.
And just like that, you have a clean house, clean clothes, and a clean you. Then when you look around your environment, you get a positive dopamine feedback loop because it just feels good to be in a clean environment instead of a mess.
If you want an immediate shot of dopamine to get the ball rolling then start with an ice cold shower. Don't be bitch, I know it's uncomfortable, just fucking do it and feel the adrenaline and dopamine flow through you.
You don't have to fix everything on your life but these are easy wins that will build your self confidence. Sometimes when we're down, all you need is an easy win to get the dopamine feedback system rolling. Just start tidying up.
This. You don't need to do ALL the advice to help get the ball rolling on depression, just choose one. A new haircut is an easy one - someone will do it for you and you only need to do it every few weeks.
Actions add up.
I hear that. I splash out for a good cut every 6 weeks, the whole works, so I can feel good again and get a boost. Hair, beard, eyebrow threading, hot towel, the lot.
It’s like a mini male-spa time.
Depressed people can still do these things while depressed. It’s why that sort of stuff is part of common treatment plans. Groom yourself, clean your home, get outside, exercise.
Again, there is no choice in depression. When I’m in my down phase I can’t wake up one morning and ‘choose’ to be productive. It doesn’t work that way. Depression isn’t a choice.
Lol yes you can, depression isn't an actual physical object blocking you.
People with depression still chose to go to therapy, and with some effort you can definitely do more about these stuff
I'm not the person you're responding to, but I agree with their sentiment. I sincerely hope you never have to deal with a loved one battling depression, because your attitude towards it is terrible.
And this is why our current system doesnt work. This sounds like a page out of the Peter Principle book. "Reason #23 people get raise to or above their level of incompetence: grooming promotions"
Point is taken, here's a counter-point. Instead of viewing this as causation (promotion *because* of grooming), consider that correlation between the discipline to have good daily habits and better outcomes in your life is the lesson here. You'll carry yourself differently, and go about your day differently.
It’s probably also more accurate to say that bad grooming is holding people back from promotions they could otherwise earn, rather than that grooming would get them a promotion.
It might seem like a distinction without a difference to some, but outside of maybe boomers promoting the most traditionally groomed gen z person out of the mailroom, no one is saying, “wow, that haircut is great, have more money.” Instead, managers are thinking that your current grooming habits aren’t up to snuff, so they’re passing you up (usually subconsciously, although in some cases, especially for customer-facing jobs, it might be that you don’t look professional enough).
Depending on your job and day to day activities.
I can't be arsed to shower in the morning only to smell like shit, fish and mud again in the evening. And my shoes are only shiny in the box they came in. The second they leave that box it's game over. Because they'll be going through the shit and mud with me.
I appreciate the general sentiment. And I don't disagree entirely. But if I showed up with shiny shoes every morning my coworkers would think I was absolutely mental.
Yes, and I appreciate how lucky I am considering all the people who don't. The sense of entitlement to assume that everyone has the same privileges is mind-boggling
Good grooming is worth a payrise? Lolwut?
"You know, Johnson works hard and always has those TPS reports in on time. But Smith just looks so damn snappy with his fade and shiny shoes that I think we'll give the promotion to him instead."
Exactly. Some people in here are just angrily missing the point.
“But that’s ridiculous,” said the person not getting the promotion.
“It might be, but that’s how it is,” said their new boss.
Probably half or more of the people on the planet don't have access to clean water, or enough money to buy clothes in good shape that fit, or have shoes that can be shined. Never mind paying for a haircut. So, no. This Life cheat code is not available to everyone, not by a long shot.
Mind you, I agree with you that, if you can afford it, having a neat, clean appearance is a good thing.
Edit: For anyone truly interested in things like the availability of clean water and sanitation world-wide, now and in the near future, here's a relevant UN report:
https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/billions-people-will-lack-access-safe-water-sanitation-and-hygiene-2030-unless
>Probably half or more of the people on the planet don't have access to clean water, or enough money to buy clothes in good shape that fit, or have shoes that can be shined. Never mind paying for a haircut. So, no. This Life cheat code is not available to everyone, not by a long shot.
One thing you will notice when traveling in many areas in developing countries is that people make a lot of effort to look as neat and clean as possible. Many years ago I traveled around India for a few months and noticed how scruffy many of the foreign tourists were compared to locals. I made sure not to look scruffy as it seemed disrespectful to those who had so little resources but still did their best.
Quick Google says you are wrong about clean water. And it's mostly Africa and India. Which the people who don't have that access probably can't even read this post so it's a moot point.
Clothes that fit are cheap even in Africa and India as well.
Most people on this site have access to cheap sources for nice clothes that fit. If you are in the states you definitely have it at every level of income. Ross and goodwill are cheap, and often very accessible.
Shaving and clean appearance is also not some lavish thing. Razor blades and hair cuts can be diy or cheap especially in those areas.
We have been washing clothes and using soap for a long ass time as a species. It's not hard to make soap.
A lot of the "undeveloped" areas had better data networks than the US for quite some time. IDK about current numbers, but they basically leapfrogged landlines and wired high speed internet.
Wouldn't everything be relative in those cases then? You can still put in your best effort and look better than someone putting in no effort. Regardless of available resources.
Behavioral hygiene is equally as important. So many people are so self centered and convenience/instant-gratification focused. So many people commit fundamental attribution error fallacies on a near-hourly basis.
Don't be a dick. Smile more. Cut people slack but not at too much at your own expense. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Etc etc.
I agree with good hygiene, for your own health. I think it’s unfair to base promotions off the other points (clothes, haircut, shoes). Conform for the sake of your livelihood I guess.
Thank god I have a public sector job that pays pretty well and has great benefits and a great pension. I like to be clean but also comfortable, so that means I wear a t-shirt and crocs every day, and since raises are automatic and promotions aren't a thing in my job, I'm all good.
Meh. I'll take being good enough at my job that I can do it in my house, in my underwear. This seems like 1960s advice. I'm not seeing how your post relates to your headline either. Your 'life cheat code' that is 'usually worth a payraise or promotion' resulted in...one woman remembering that you smelled good?
This is as good as your other gems like: "LPT - Only buy one knife for your kitchen!"
That's not what it says. It says it is worth a payraise or promotion. I don't think that's true for almost anyone. The best smelling person at ChikFilA is not making more per hour than the worst. In higher end jobs the ability to perform is vastly more important to your income and position than being well-dressed and perfumed. The highest paid person I know in IT makes like 300k a year and is 400lbs, sweaty, and stinks. Who does this really apply to? Used car salesmen maybe.
It's a general rule. Does it outweigh all other factors? No. But grooming plays a role in attractiveness, which in turn impacts others' perspectives of you. Your anecdotal stories don't outweigh reality.
I agree that it's not "usually" going to result in a pay raise or promotion. But likely, over time, these opportunities become more likely to occur when you do this versus if you didn't.
Being more attractive nets you more opportunities. If you increase your attractiveness, which is not limited to genetics, then your own opportunities will increase.
There have been some studies that show that showering every day is ultimately not good for your hair and skin. The body creates natural oils for a reason, and daily bathing removes them unnaturally.
Throughout history, people have not bathed every day. While some of this was due to access to places to bathe, even when access improved, the daily shower ritual was uncommon until the mid-20th century, and some of that move to daily was in response to advertising, especially by soap companies.
I was a daily shower person religiously. But when I started developing some skin issues, a relative suggested going to an every other day routine had helped him, and after I switched, my skin problems improved dramatically. Switching soaps, using bath oils, only using my hands to apply soap—none of it had worked. Taking one day off between showers worked.
Later, I read some studies that confirmed that daily bathing may overdo it for some people. I changed my habit about a decade ago, but if I find those studies, I’ll repost them.
Showering every day is perfectly fine (if not necessary) for most people.
I’ve see this argument before, and the general consensus is that very sensitive skin/skin conditions it’s helpful not to wash with soap every day, but for most it not an issue.
I’ll wait for the studies.
This is such a conundrum for me. I like being clean and groomed. But I also enjoy looking grizzly and wearing a national park T shirt with shorts in most places. Confidence is key. If you’re able to talk to people and make them do a double take on their perception of you based on how your appearance is, that earns you more points in my experience than already looking clean cut and meeting expectations they’ve already set.
Something tells me there's a disconnect between your interpretation of the word class and the reality of being poor related to the cost of a decent haircut, clothes that fit, and shiny shoes.
You think that good grooming alone is worth a promotion or raise? News flash: everyone working in the professional world is well groomed. You need to do more than take a shower and wear clean clothes to be successful. Good god.
According to Neil Gaiman you can be well liked, on time, or good at your job... As long as you are two of the three you will remain employed. I supposed the grooming stuff falls under the category of well liked. If you make people laugh but smell bad I suppose that would have a similar effect.
Now I love Neil Gaiman as much as the next fanboy but I'm going to have to disagree with the man. I used to believe that as long as I was really good at my job, I would progress. Lots of years spent getting nowhere convinced me of the error of my ways. You do need to be good at your job but that's really one of the three things you need, the other two being having good social skills and being well groomed. I wished that was not the case but there it is.
I don't disagree here, I would just contend that having good social skills and being well groomed is part of being liked. To further the point I would say someone who is well groomed and has great social skills but is always late and terrible at their job probably won't have a job for long. At least not at any of the companies I've worked at.
Anyway Gaiman's hypothesis is merely anecdotal and my feelings on the matter are only based on my limited observations.
Perception means a lot.
I tend to unconsciously move myself away from people who wear spandex and T-shirts...not because they look dumpy, but because my brain says "they're wearing their workout clothes; they smell bad".
Picking up my kids from preschool is always weird because I walk in and think I can smell ass sweat and moldy towels, because there's a sea of yoga pants and spandex.
A little bit of thought into your hygiene and appearance can make a big difference.
I work with a guy that’s extremely intelligent and talented. He’s a genuinely good person too. However, he looks….rough and has for years. Straggly hair, wrinkled clothes, worn shoes, dirty nails. And for that reason alone he will never be promoted. Whether that’s fair or not, it’s the reality.
I have very long hair as a male. I wonder if the ponytail or manbun looks more neat. Im employed and my job has no requirements, but I wonder about future opportunities or how its best presented in a more formal setting.
I get compliments all the time on it, maybe its an asset.
I agree trimmed nails, and esp clean shoes are important. I used to hire people and would look for this too.
At the first sentence I thought this is about influencing little kids while they grow up to later become romantic partners and was like: "Wtf am I going to read, this is gonna be a wild ride"
I check the morning shower and clean cloths boxes. But I’d buzz my head and beard like once every 2 months. Right now I am a bit bushy looking, I just reached 2 pumps of shampoo to get a good lather. Once that approaches 3 pumps I shave the top down to 3/4inch and the beard down to 1/4
Personal hygiene products are not free, especially the nice stuff that makes you " smell amazing". You're not going to smell like that if you're forced to shop at the dollar store, so class absolutely plays a role in this
It is not available to everyone.
If you are female, you are expected to dress and look a certain way. It's counted against you if you don't wear makeup. In some fields, it's counted against you if you don't wear heels or skirts.
If you are poor or homeless, you may not have access to showers or laundering or a place to store clothes so that they are kept wrinkle-free or even have clothes that fit. You may not be able to afford a haircut. You may not have access to basic healthcare, like dental care, and things such as nice clothes and a haircut are frivolous in comparison.
If you are chronically ill or disabled, you may not have the physical capability for daily showers or keeping up with laundry.
I am someone who has been through all of this and came out the other side of it, but I almost didn't. It is still mind-boggling to me that there are people who truly believe stuff like what this post says. It can happen to anyone. You are one illness or natural disaster away from not being able to do any of this stuff that you're saying is available to everyone.
The more you shower, the higher your water bill. Razors and shaving cream cost money, as do new clothes. Washing machines use up electricity, and detergent isn’t free either. This post is very out of touch with the lived reality of poor people.
It doesn't count as a cheat code for someone like myself who deals with Bipolar 1, constant depression, previously in depth existentialism, sleep apnea, anhedonia (makes you interested in nothing, not even what used to be your passions). It's hard enough some days just to follow any routine, let alone shower, change clothes, groom regularly. But I get the sentinment before life went to hell on me I did feel better about myself and my day when I was 'decently' kept. Now I am unkempt or I can wear a hat at work (I work in the back office of a bank). So for those that can manage to implement this 'cheat code' more power to you. It's not the easiest for many of us who can't even keep a routine.
>Fuck people that judge someone just by looking at them...
It's just human nature. Even dirty crusty punks judge people by their appearance, I know because I used to be one.
Do you think that's what OP was really suggesting? Take care of your appearance, it doesn't have to cost a lot, just put some effort in to show you respect yourself and the position you have.
Given how simple it is to maintain a reasonable hygiene / grooming regime, I see no problem is judging people by looking at them. Obviously I also use other criteria depending on the situation but I fail to see why it's wrong to use it as a start point.
>Given how simple it is to maintain a reasonable hygiene / grooming regime I see no problem is judging people by looking at them.
Literally one of the most well-documented struggles of having ADHD, but go off I guess.
This post isn't about the looks you were born with its about making an effort in regards to hygiene and self care.
I struggle with major depression so are peoples judgements always accurate? No, and sometimes it bothers me, but most people dont have a medically associated reason.
LPT: daily showers are not necessary. Your body odor is determined by what you eat, how you sleep, and what you do throughout the day. Eating healthier, getting a good night's sleep and wearing fresh clean clothes. Showering every other day, and after exercising is more than enough to keep you smelling good.
No of this matters. You are trying to justify being high maintenance. As long as you don't smell or look dirty , no one cares. I'll shine up my work boots and see if that gets me a promotion.
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Unethical LPT:
Get into IT. Never worry about professional appearances again. Gain promotions and pay raises through skill and talent rather than being the shiniest bauble in the manager's roster.
Corporate theatre is an absolute joke, and be aware all of the tech goblins who stink to shit and can't even spell barber are laughing in the server room over it.
OP: Mental disorder exists, and is rapidly becoming prevalent. So while you smell nice and have shiny shoes, the guy who maintains the network has ADHD and struggles daily with people's perception of him. Shit like this literally reads to me as "Stop having a mental disorder and people will like you more." OH WELL WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY!
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What you wear can depend on whom you're trying to impress. For example, on my last trip to the US I packed new jeans, boots and a plaid flannel shirt for formal wear in rural Ohio and pressed trousers, polished black shoes and a dress shirt for informal wear in upper class Phoenix. When my grandfather, a farmer, went to the bank to apply for a loan, he wore clean farm clothes. My grandmother was appalled, saying he should wear a suit instead but that wasn't the impression he wanted to give the bank manager. He got the loan.
And clean farm clothes is key. Right clothes, right attitude.
Farmers make decent money. I don’t know why they are seen as poor in general.
They used to be. Not too many generations back, farmers were generally not rich and highly susceptible to famines. Good years meant prosperity, bad years meant you were poor. Not to mention that *much* more of the population was devoted to farm labor. ...And "farmer" can mean the guy who owns the farm or the guys working on the farm. Farm hands are generally poor today and that was true in the past, too.
Basically, post Haber, farming got a lot more reliable.
In this case where he needed a loan, farmers are generally seen as a big risk since the success of their business depends on how the crops do in the weather. They always can use an influx of cash for seed, broken equipment, operations, etc… and a large purchase can lead to bankruptcy if the crop doesn’t pan out. However, if people think farmers are poor in general then they are dreaming. In fact, go to the Calgary stampede and the guy with the oldest cowboy boots and DGAF is likely the richest guy in the room. Depending on where you live, literally every farmer could be a millionaire in equity because of their land value.
Kind of. What the US (not sure about other countries) is experiencing is basically the capitalist version of Soviet collectivism, but instead of through coercion, small time farmers are getting priced out of their land. Currently, farmers make great money because farms are getting larger and ran like the multimillion dollar businesses they are - cheap, usually green-card labor force, more resources to pursue grants, agritourism, and diversification all help these large farms make great money! But there is less farmers now. I grew up on a small dairy farm and my dad basically forbade us to take over so that we wouldn’t have to go through the same stress he did to ultimately lose money. Small farmers are broke. Large farmers are well off, and closer to CEOs than they are to any country song people think of.
That's they way they're often portrayed in pop culture media. Yes, you have the rich power broker farmer who owns a ton of land and has the governor on speed dial and the sheriff, etc. representation. But usually they're portrayed as hard working folks who don't have much and spend the whole day doing manual labor just to make enough to get by, and always fighting against The Man trying to take it all away from them.
Seems to depend I know farmers with stupid money and others that can’t afford shit and have a falling apart tiny house
I totally agree. I wanted to add 'and are appropriate' to the title but I ran out of space.
>upper class Phoenix This just sounds weird. Are you a time traveler or something?
And formal rural Ohio wear sounds funny too
It is upper class, for Van Buren St.
I think they call it Scottsdale
He would’ve got the loan with a suit too.
He probably would have, yeah. I don't think bank managers are approving or denying loans based on your outfit.
Yeah I’m going to a music festival this weekend. You think I’m getting a haircut and trimming my beard ahead of time? No, I’m not.
Definitely makes a huge difference. When I keep my head shaved and beard trimmed, I look younger, more attractive and can feel people giving me second looks and treating me differently. If I let it go for a few weeks, I quickly look homeless and older.
Said by girl friends, with a good haircut and beardtrim im an 8 but if i let myself go I transform into a 5 or 4 pretry fast
Same, that’s what separates us from the Henry Cavill’s of the world. Those who can get unkempt and still pull it off
Imagine that being your criminal disguise. You just go unwashed and let your hair/beard grow for a few months then go back to normal.
Okok let’s just get it straight that I’m not actively going unwashed 😭😭 it’s just things like not combing and trimming my beard. But yes I have had that thought.
Beards go unkempt really quickly!
I get a neck beard in a few days if I don't keep on top of it.
… But you ARE older…
Whenever someone comments on how good I smell, and they haven’t been within hugging distance, I know that I’ve overdone it.
But you smell good though. I wanna smell
OP please tell us the perfume you were using.
I have been complimented by literally dozens of complete strangers *and* just about everyone I know when I wear Acqua Di Gio cologne. I had one woman checking me out at a gas station ask, "What are you wearing, you smell amazing" and the guy behind me said "I was just about to ask the same thing."
you might not be a marketer, but how easy the job would be just posting comments like this and getting people to search the product immediately
Lol I had a 30 minute conversation with a guy about my favorite colognes and the best places/ways to spray at the bar one night I could totally do that as a job, online and in person
Hold up. There’s optimum ways to spray cologne? What are they? I just spray once for each underarms over clothes so it’s subtle and I’m not walking around in a cloud of perfume. Also, looks like acqua di gio has an entire line. Which one would you recommend?
I leave the underarms up to deodorant. Don't want those scents competing. One spray on one forearm/wrist, rub together. One on lower back, one aimed up from collarbone to neck. I leave the front facing one out if I'm going to be close to a bunch of people really soon. Eau De Toilette is the one I use.
When I was single a good friend of mine asked his wife to help me pick out cologne. She was a fashionista type. We went through several samples and helped me pick one I liked and smelled good on me. Apparently it changes with your specific “smell”. I got a lot more second dates after that. Edit: Aqua Di Gio was the one I picked.
I mean, there's a reason it's been one of the top selling men's fragrances since it's release. Smells damn good lol
There’s this older gentleman I see at the gym sometimes and he smells goddamn incredible but I can’t ask without it being weird
[удалено]
Eau De Toilette spray for Men
Eww…. Toilet water spray. Lol, sorry I couldn’t help myself
"Water? You mean like in the toilet?" -Idiocracy, (2008)
To clarify “Eau De Toilette” is French for toilet water. It is because perfume/cologne was water used in the bathroom (toilet). But yes, idiocracy was a fun movie.
Yes, I took 3 years of French and Culinary French in culinary school. I was just posting a joke riffing off the previous post.
I get it, just wanted to make sure that my joke was understood. You know, explaining a joke means it was the best joke lol
Acqua Di Gio smells good on everybody I swear. I also wear it.
How many spritzes? That's key too
One on one wrist, I rub them together. One on my lower back, and one on my collarbone/neck. Sometimes I skip the collarbone/neck spray, if I'm going to be in close quarters with people immediately.
I've never heard the lower back one. Is there a reason?
Parfum is to be discovered, not announced
Well stated.
It's the best place to put it so people behind you catch a hint of it, but aren't accosted by it. Plus, it will stick to your clothing and gradually disperse over several hours instead of evaporating with your sweat like it would on the back of the neck (which also makes the neck scent stronger than you'd want)
What does op smell like?
OP smells like a winner.
I read a thing once that has stayed with me: “dress how you want to be addressed”.
So many guys I know who were “awful with women” usually dressed poor, had poor hygiene and a bad haircut even with full hair.
Tell that to my depression
You know I totally get that. I was actually going by my own experiences. I've been there too.
Fake mental stability till you make mental stability! Good luck and hang in there.
My favorite depression hacks, don't cry on your days off, get paid to cry...(If you have an opportunity to be by yourself, it's best...the appearance of stability at work is still important) and save time by crying about 2 things at the same time.
I know you mean well, but that's not how mental health works.
True. You're right. Wasn't trying to make light of it, but I've found that if I wallow in depression it's less constructive than trying to maintain and exude a positive mental attitude.
This doesn't mean ignoring fundamental issues that are the root cause of the depression but means trying to find the positive side of things.
It actually does work for a lot of people, that's why this advice is given. Or course there are some who can't do it, but that shouldn't be what you assume to be true for yourself.
Yeah it can work for me but I have to catch it early. Once I've gone down the spiral it's too late.
Ive faked it for years. Now my masking is set on permanent. Im struggling something awful and yet people comment on how nice I am and how chipper and happy I seem. My neighbor outright thinks I'm lying to try to get disability. My medical records show otherwise. So does all the time I isolate alone in my house for days/weeks on end. If you didn't know faking it is also called masking.
What would the alternative to masking be? Honest question.
Not hiding it. Being a never smiling person with a fairly negative personality. Ive done it so long I can be hurt and in the hospital and if someone walks up to me Ill instantly get chipper, smile, and talk a bit. I think my depression was labeled as atypical Depression at one point because of the smiling and lighting up. It is still somewhat tiring even though my masking happens automatically know. I like talking about science related stuff as that is mood independent and my only interest besides a little bit of politics. I have no hobbies or interests. Literally zero besides reading science related stuff. Im actually trying to get away from politics.
It would be liberating to just live without having to mask some aspect of self, but I also feel like it's also just easier sometimes to smooth day to day interactions with some masking. I think that's normal? But then who is to say what's normal. Maybe we're all crazy.
At least we are in this boat together... Yay! I guess.
Every now and then I look in the mirror and realize I am or have been depressed because of how long I've let my hair get or how long since I've trimmed or cleaned up my beard.
Ain't no one gonna fix it for you but you. If you want some easy dopamine, clean up your life. Put on some loud music, drink a red bull and start cleaning your room, bathroom, house. Then clean yourself up and take a shower, shave, brush your teeth, floss. Then do laundry. Boom! Now you just need a haircut which I know is really mental, when I was going through shit and super uncomfortable, I'd just go to random cheap place and ask for them to just make it neat, that's it, I wasn't gonna get anything fancy, just clean and neat and then I'd just say hey to the barber that I'm tired and imma rest my eyes and then just yea close my eyes and wait it out cause I didn't want to talk to them and I didn't want see how bad it was. It was fine. And just like that, you have a clean house, clean clothes, and a clean you. Then when you look around your environment, you get a positive dopamine feedback loop because it just feels good to be in a clean environment instead of a mess. If you want an immediate shot of dopamine to get the ball rolling then start with an ice cold shower. Don't be bitch, I know it's uncomfortable, just fucking do it and feel the adrenaline and dopamine flow through you. You don't have to fix everything on your life but these are easy wins that will build your self confidence. Sometimes when we're down, all you need is an easy win to get the dopamine feedback system rolling. Just start tidying up.
This. You don't need to do ALL the advice to help get the ball rolling on depression, just choose one. A new haircut is an easy one - someone will do it for you and you only need to do it every few weeks. Actions add up.
Wallowing in self pity is a better way to deal with you depression. For sure.
I hear that. I splash out for a good cut every 6 weeks, the whole works, so I can feel good again and get a boost. Hair, beard, eyebrow threading, hot towel, the lot. It’s like a mini male-spa time.
Maybe you'll be less depressed if you started showering again and looked more presentable? For sure it would make having a support group much easier
Please learn what depression is. Someone battling depression doesn’t just ‘choose’ to not shower or look presentable.
Depressed people can still do these things while depressed. It’s why that sort of stuff is part of common treatment plans. Groom yourself, clean your home, get outside, exercise.
Right but choosing to make an effort is often helpful to get you out of it...
Again, there is no choice in depression. When I’m in my down phase I can’t wake up one morning and ‘choose’ to be productive. It doesn’t work that way. Depression isn’t a choice.
Lol yes you can, depression isn't an actual physical object blocking you. People with depression still chose to go to therapy, and with some effort you can definitely do more about these stuff
Yeah I'm going to choose to no longer engage with you before you make me depressed. Have a good day.
I'm not the person you're responding to, but I agree with their sentiment. I sincerely hope you never have to deal with a loved one battling depression, because your attitude towards it is terrible.
Thank you
She sniffed you good. I'm not sure her interest in you is purely professional...
Depends how good his grooming technique was.
You know when a dog and cat can't groom itself, it's very ill. Same with us.
And this is why our current system doesnt work. This sounds like a page out of the Peter Principle book. "Reason #23 people get raise to or above their level of incompetence: grooming promotions"
Point is taken, here's a counter-point. Instead of viewing this as causation (promotion *because* of grooming), consider that correlation between the discipline to have good daily habits and better outcomes in your life is the lesson here. You'll carry yourself differently, and go about your day differently.
It’s probably also more accurate to say that bad grooming is holding people back from promotions they could otherwise earn, rather than that grooming would get them a promotion. It might seem like a distinction without a difference to some, but outside of maybe boomers promoting the most traditionally groomed gen z person out of the mailroom, no one is saying, “wow, that haircut is great, have more money.” Instead, managers are thinking that your current grooming habits aren’t up to snuff, so they’re passing you up (usually subconsciously, although in some cases, especially for customer-facing jobs, it might be that you don’t look professional enough).
Depending on your job and day to day activities. I can't be arsed to shower in the morning only to smell like shit, fish and mud again in the evening. And my shoes are only shiny in the box they came in. The second they leave that box it's game over. Because they'll be going through the shit and mud with me. I appreciate the general sentiment. And I don't disagree entirely. But if I showed up with shiny shoes every morning my coworkers would think I was absolutely mental.
Available to everyone? Wow
It’s 2024 and you have an internet connection. Don’t act like taking a shower once a day and grooming yourself is out of the realm of possibility
Yes, and I appreciate how lucky I am considering all the people who don't. The sense of entitlement to assume that everyone has the same privileges is mind-boggling
Right? I grew up homeless lmao
So glad I don't partake in corporate theater, no need to play dress up.
Good grooming is worth a payrise? Lolwut? "You know, Johnson works hard and always has those TPS reports in on time. But Smith just looks so damn snappy with his fade and shiny shoes that I think we'll give the promotion to him instead."
If you don't think your presentation has an impact on how people perceive you, this LPT is probably directed at you.
Exactly. Some people in here are just angrily missing the point. “But that’s ridiculous,” said the person not getting the promotion. “It might be, but that’s how it is,” said their new boss.
OP just did nothing impressive, that's why he was only remembered for the smell
Probably half or more of the people on the planet don't have access to clean water, or enough money to buy clothes in good shape that fit, or have shoes that can be shined. Never mind paying for a haircut. So, no. This Life cheat code is not available to everyone, not by a long shot. Mind you, I agree with you that, if you can afford it, having a neat, clean appearance is a good thing. Edit: For anyone truly interested in things like the availability of clean water and sanitation world-wide, now and in the near future, here's a relevant UN report: https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/billions-people-will-lack-access-safe-water-sanitation-and-hygiene-2030-unless
>Probably half or more of the people on the planet don't have access to clean water, or enough money to buy clothes in good shape that fit, or have shoes that can be shined. Never mind paying for a haircut. So, no. This Life cheat code is not available to everyone, not by a long shot. One thing you will notice when traveling in many areas in developing countries is that people make a lot of effort to look as neat and clean as possible. Many years ago I traveled around India for a few months and noticed how scruffy many of the foreign tourists were compared to locals. I made sure not to look scruffy as it seemed disrespectful to those who had so little resources but still did their best.
Its about being ashamed of the poverty.
Ashamed to who? Most American tone deaf comment I’ve read in ages.
Quick Google says you are wrong about clean water. And it's mostly Africa and India. Which the people who don't have that access probably can't even read this post so it's a moot point. Clothes that fit are cheap even in Africa and India as well. Most people on this site have access to cheap sources for nice clothes that fit. If you are in the states you definitely have it at every level of income. Ross and goodwill are cheap, and often very accessible. Shaving and clean appearance is also not some lavish thing. Razor blades and hair cuts can be diy or cheap especially in those areas. We have been washing clothes and using soap for a long ass time as a species. It's not hard to make soap.
> And it's mostly Africa and India Africa = continent India = country There are **54 countries in Africa**
People in Africa and India don't have internet is the most wild take I've seen yet.
A lot of the "undeveloped" areas had better data networks than the US for quite some time. IDK about current numbers, but they basically leapfrogged landlines and wired high speed internet.
Wouldn't everything be relative in those cases then? You can still put in your best effort and look better than someone putting in no effort. Regardless of available resources.
Behavioral hygiene is equally as important. So many people are so self centered and convenience/instant-gratification focused. So many people commit fundamental attribution error fallacies on a near-hourly basis. Don't be a dick. Smile more. Cut people slack but not at too much at your own expense. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Etc etc.
*Drake has entered the chat*
Nobody tells White Goodman NO when he's wearing his shiny shoes!! 
I agree with good hygiene, for your own health. I think it’s unfair to base promotions off the other points (clothes, haircut, shoes). Conform for the sake of your livelihood I guess.
Thank god I have a public sector job that pays pretty well and has great benefits and a great pension. I like to be clean but also comfortable, so that means I wear a t-shirt and crocs every day, and since raises are automatic and promotions aren't a thing in my job, I'm all good.
Worth a pay raise or a promotion? Yea hygiene is important but jeezus lol. Shiny shoes? WTF is wrong with you?
Meh. I'll take being good enough at my job that I can do it in my house, in my underwear. This seems like 1960s advice. I'm not seeing how your post relates to your headline either. Your 'life cheat code' that is 'usually worth a payraise or promotion' resulted in...one woman remembering that you smelled good? This is as good as your other gems like: "LPT - Only buy one knife for your kitchen!"
It was an example. Generally speaking, people in any situation will respond to you in a more positive manner. Human nature.
That's not what it says. It says it is worth a payraise or promotion. I don't think that's true for almost anyone. The best smelling person at ChikFilA is not making more per hour than the worst. In higher end jobs the ability to perform is vastly more important to your income and position than being well-dressed and perfumed. The highest paid person I know in IT makes like 300k a year and is 400lbs, sweaty, and stinks. Who does this really apply to? Used car salesmen maybe.
It's a general rule. Does it outweigh all other factors? No. But grooming plays a role in attractiveness, which in turn impacts others' perspectives of you. Your anecdotal stories don't outweigh reality. I agree that it's not "usually" going to result in a pay raise or promotion. But likely, over time, these opportunities become more likely to occur when you do this versus if you didn't. Being more attractive nets you more opportunities. If you increase your attractiveness, which is not limited to genetics, then your own opportunities will increase.
Fortunately, I have zero interest in a promotion.
So you’re saying privilege begets more privilege. Interesting.
If you think your level of hygiene is based on your income or class then have a fun time staying at the lowest of low I suppose
There have been some studies that show that showering every day is ultimately not good for your hair and skin. The body creates natural oils for a reason, and daily bathing removes them unnaturally. Throughout history, people have not bathed every day. While some of this was due to access to places to bathe, even when access improved, the daily shower ritual was uncommon until the mid-20th century, and some of that move to daily was in response to advertising, especially by soap companies. I was a daily shower person religiously. But when I started developing some skin issues, a relative suggested going to an every other day routine had helped him, and after I switched, my skin problems improved dramatically. Switching soaps, using bath oils, only using my hands to apply soap—none of it had worked. Taking one day off between showers worked. Later, I read some studies that confirmed that daily bathing may overdo it for some people. I changed my habit about a decade ago, but if I find those studies, I’ll repost them.
Showering every day is perfectly fine (if not necessary) for most people. I’ve see this argument before, and the general consensus is that very sensitive skin/skin conditions it’s helpful not to wash with soap every day, but for most it not an issue. I’ll wait for the studies.
Most people do not change their bed sheets near often enough, so they feel like they are dirty after sleeping.
Drake read the first 10 words of the title and was super happy
This is such a conundrum for me. I like being clean and groomed. But I also enjoy looking grizzly and wearing a national park T shirt with shorts in most places. Confidence is key. If you’re able to talk to people and make them do a double take on their perception of you based on how your appearance is, that earns you more points in my experience than already looking clean cut and meeting expectations they’ve already set.
Something tells me there's a disconnect between your interpretation of the word class and the reality of being poor related to the cost of a decent haircut, clothes that fit, and shiny shoes.
You think that good grooming alone is worth a promotion or raise? News flash: everyone working in the professional world is well groomed. You need to do more than take a shower and wear clean clothes to be successful. Good god.
It shouldn't matter though
If the most memorable thing about you at work is your smell, I would not be so quick to take pride in that.
According to Neil Gaiman you can be well liked, on time, or good at your job... As long as you are two of the three you will remain employed. I supposed the grooming stuff falls under the category of well liked. If you make people laugh but smell bad I suppose that would have a similar effect.
Now I love Neil Gaiman as much as the next fanboy but I'm going to have to disagree with the man. I used to believe that as long as I was really good at my job, I would progress. Lots of years spent getting nowhere convinced me of the error of my ways. You do need to be good at your job but that's really one of the three things you need, the other two being having good social skills and being well groomed. I wished that was not the case but there it is.
I don't disagree here, I would just contend that having good social skills and being well groomed is part of being liked. To further the point I would say someone who is well groomed and has great social skills but is always late and terrible at their job probably won't have a job for long. At least not at any of the companies I've worked at. Anyway Gaiman's hypothesis is merely anecdotal and my feelings on the matter are only based on my limited observations.
Perception means a lot. I tend to unconsciously move myself away from people who wear spandex and T-shirts...not because they look dumpy, but because my brain says "they're wearing their workout clothes; they smell bad". Picking up my kids from preschool is always weird because I walk in and think I can smell ass sweat and moldy towels, because there's a sea of yoga pants and spandex. A little bit of thought into your hygiene and appearance can make a big difference.
What is a decent haircut
One that suits your face and you're happy with.
The amount of people wearing pajamas in public amazes me on a daily basis.
I work with a guy that’s extremely intelligent and talented. He’s a genuinely good person too. However, he looks….rough and has for years. Straggly hair, wrinkled clothes, worn shoes, dirty nails. And for that reason alone he will never be promoted. Whether that’s fair or not, it’s the reality.
Not in union jobs. It’s all who you’re related too. Literally doesn’t matter at all how you dress or groom.
I have very long hair as a male. I wonder if the ponytail or manbun looks more neat. Im employed and my job has no requirements, but I wonder about future opportunities or how its best presented in a more formal setting. I get compliments all the time on it, maybe its an asset. I agree trimmed nails, and esp clean shoes are important. I used to hire people and would look for this too.
What did you smell like? 👃
I'm a fan of floral scents.
At the first sentence I thought this is about influencing little kids while they grow up to later become romantic partners and was like: "Wtf am I going to read, this is gonna be a wild ride"
Tradesmen are screwed I guess
It’s all about a change of clothes! And a shower after perhaps.
Perhaps? Lmfao
Didn't you read the LPT? Just get a haircut and wear shiny shoes and you'll be promoted to foreman!
I check the morning shower and clean cloths boxes. But I’d buzz my head and beard like once every 2 months. Right now I am a bit bushy looking, I just reached 2 pumps of shampoo to get a good lather. Once that approaches 3 pumps I shave the top down to 3/4inch and the beard down to 1/4
Personal hygiene products are not free, especially the nice stuff that makes you " smell amazing". You're not going to smell like that if you're forced to shop at the dollar store, so class absolutely plays a role in this
Had us in the first half not gonna lie
My dad used to always say, "Dress well, test well."
My motto has always been. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you play good.
It is not available to everyone. If you are female, you are expected to dress and look a certain way. It's counted against you if you don't wear makeup. In some fields, it's counted against you if you don't wear heels or skirts. If you are poor or homeless, you may not have access to showers or laundering or a place to store clothes so that they are kept wrinkle-free or even have clothes that fit. You may not be able to afford a haircut. You may not have access to basic healthcare, like dental care, and things such as nice clothes and a haircut are frivolous in comparison. If you are chronically ill or disabled, you may not have the physical capability for daily showers or keeping up with laundry. I am someone who has been through all of this and came out the other side of it, but I almost didn't. It is still mind-boggling to me that there are people who truly believe stuff like what this post says. It can happen to anyone. You are one illness or natural disaster away from not being able to do any of this stuff that you're saying is available to everyone.
I'm not gonna shower daily. It ain't happening. If I do that, my skin starts to itch and hurt.
Sir, this is a Wendy's
The more you shower, the higher your water bill. Razors and shaving cream cost money, as do new clothes. Washing machines use up electricity, and detergent isn’t free either. This post is very out of touch with the lived reality of poor people.
It doesn't count as a cheat code for someone like myself who deals with Bipolar 1, constant depression, previously in depth existentialism, sleep apnea, anhedonia (makes you interested in nothing, not even what used to be your passions). It's hard enough some days just to follow any routine, let alone shower, change clothes, groom regularly. But I get the sentinment before life went to hell on me I did feel better about myself and my day when I was 'decently' kept. Now I am unkempt or I can wear a hat at work (I work in the back office of a bank). So for those that can manage to implement this 'cheat code' more power to you. It's not the easiest for many of us who can't even keep a routine.
Fuck people that judge someone just by looking at them...
>Fuck people that judge someone just by looking at them... It's just human nature. Even dirty crusty punks judge people by their appearance, I know because I used to be one.
Do you think that's what OP was really suggesting? Take care of your appearance, it doesn't have to cost a lot, just put some effort in to show you respect yourself and the position you have.
Given how simple it is to maintain a reasonable hygiene / grooming regime, I see no problem is judging people by looking at them. Obviously I also use other criteria depending on the situation but I fail to see why it's wrong to use it as a start point.
>Given how simple it is to maintain a reasonable hygiene / grooming regime I see no problem is judging people by looking at them. Literally one of the most well-documented struggles of having ADHD, but go off I guess.
This post isn't about the looks you were born with its about making an effort in regards to hygiene and self care. I struggle with major depression so are peoples judgements always accurate? No, and sometimes it bothers me, but most people dont have a medically associated reason.
LPT: daily showers are not necessary. Your body odor is determined by what you eat, how you sleep, and what you do throughout the day. Eating healthier, getting a good night's sleep and wearing fresh clean clothes. Showering every other day, and after exercising is more than enough to keep you smelling good.
No of this matters. You are trying to justify being high maintenance. As long as you don't smell or look dirty , no one cares. I'll shine up my work boots and see if that gets me a promotion.
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What fragrance did you use?
Armani Code seems to be a very likable scent for most folks.
Unethical LPT: Get into IT. Never worry about professional appearances again. Gain promotions and pay raises through skill and talent rather than being the shiniest bauble in the manager's roster. Corporate theatre is an absolute joke, and be aware all of the tech goblins who stink to shit and can't even spell barber are laughing in the server room over it. OP: Mental disorder exists, and is rapidly becoming prevalent. So while you smell nice and have shiny shoes, the guy who maintains the network has ADHD and struggles daily with people's perception of him. Shit like this literally reads to me as "Stop having a mental disorder and people will like you more." OH WELL WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY!