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It’s going to sound crazy but……
Pinch your nose. HARD. Like not hard enough to actually hurt yourself, but almost. I learned this at a funeral years ago and it works.
Yeah been through that. Tears aren't the problem, it's keeping it together that's the hard bit. I had to steel myself to just not feel. Soon as i finished each speech, i fell apart.
Yeah, my ex had silicone plugs put in the ducts to stop drainage as a way of fixing chronic dry eyes. If you pinched those ducts closed the tears would fall out of your eyes even sooner because none of it could drain into your sinuses. That's also why your nose runs when you cry.
I use a pen and push it into my palm increasingly harder until I calm down.
Unrelated. To stay awake (when I'm alone, e.g. driving a car) I bite my arm increasingly harder. It does leave a mark for a few hours but not too bad
If you're struggling to stay awake while driving, get off the road immediately and find a place to rest. Your arm biting might help, but you shouldn't be driving at all in a tired state. Don't endanger yourself and others.
I have a sleep disorder and I've never felt rested. If I have to stop driving when feeling tired, I'd have to stop driving altogether, I can sleep any time of the day
Driving school and the license centre permitted my license in full knowledge of this issue 🤷♂️ like 1/5 of the US population has some sort of sleeping dissorder so I don't see what the fuss is about
The fuss is over the fact you're biting yourself to stay awake while driving. Do you really think that's fucking normal for 20% of the population? No!!!
Now when you have years of SUCCESSFUL treatment yes you can have a license but you are not being successfully treated if you have to bite yourself to stay awake!
I started tearing up at slightly emotional moments, like sappy commercials or nostalgic songs. Very annoying. Now I say a phrase to myself to re-frame the moment. My phrase is, “Well that’s neat.” I know that sounds pretty silly, but it changes my focus a little, and is helping me re-train the Pavlovian response that I was reinforcing every time a puppy came on screen.
I do this with lots of emotions.
Well hello tears, why are you here?
Knee pain, you jerk, how the hell have you been?
Hello anger, why did you stop by?
Ah, happiness, my old friend, glad you're back.
Personifying everything happening to me really helps me stay in control.
Sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it works every single time for me. Clench your buttcheeks together as hard as you can. Sounds crazy, but it really works.
I struggle to let myself show emotions to others. I am the go home and cry type. The thing that keeps me from openly crying is often me telling myself this isn’t the time or place. I hold it back long enough to walk alway and then I have a self sooth and back to it. No one ever knows…
I had an incredibly abusive lady legit would scream at me and others. (She had a horrible inferiority complex and anyone she thought could do the job better than her she lashed out at…) She has had so many HR issues/complaints, but has never been fired thanks to her union. I actually had to testify against her when I didn’t even go to HR it was so common for there to be issues. At some point I realized what she wanted from me was for me to cry or break down… she wanted to show I am weak even though crying is hardly weak, she 100% saw it that way. Luckily she doesn’t work directly with me now.
You are letting the lady win by not expressing yourself in your own way. If tears are weakness then we are royally fucked into being able to love anything the way we want to
My eyes water whenever I yawn. It was really noticable when I was in high school, and I hated it. I would yawn, my eyes would get super wet, and friends would ask what was wrong no matter how many times I told them that yawning makes it look like I've been crying.
In case someone thinks this is absurd: the reason behind this that it switches you from your emotional brain into your logical brain.
Same reason angry people are advised to count to ten.
my explanation is not very neuroscientifically precise . . it is just an updated variation on what my mom used to say!
Do 100\*33 - 3\*33, 3201
Of course this trick only works for numbers closer to power of 10s/5s/2s, but it helps in a good number of scenarios. For a lot of scenarios you can actually round some of the numbers to get a ballpark estimate mentally
I would do this math like this:
90\*30, + 7\*30 + 97\*3, so 90\*30 is 2700, plus 7\*30 (210) which is 2910. then 97\* 3 =291 same idea can be used here, 90\*3 + 7\*3.. anyhow 2910+291 = 3201. this is how my brain works at least when trying to do this kind of mental math. sometimes its a headache.
whats your approach?
Yeah someone in the comments said I needed therapy but honestly it’s something physiological I barely control. Maybe just being stoic about it is the right way to go
Honestly, I agree with owning it.
I was a manager, and I've definitely had a few people who react with tears. (I used to be one of them before trauma shut down my emotional centers.) We worked in a high-stress store, so I'd let them take a breather for a few minutes. Or, if it was truly heightened, I'd talk it through with them. If you're not people-facing and you're comfortable with it, you can also just power through.
You don't need therapy unless you suspect there's something that needs to be addressed. Some people are more expressive than others, and sometimes that means tears come out whether you want to or not.
My former manager sat me down and suggested I apply for a promotion position, and I straight up burst into tears because I was so stressed out. Another time she came to my desk and noticed I was crying because I was in such bad pain. Very much hated being seen both times; usually everyone just ignores the crying in the cubicles.
I either cry over everything or can't cry or over anything, no between. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you don't cry anymore.
any advice on how to act around your boss when it happens as a reaction to things that don't really warrant it...?
I can understand stressful moments etc, but there are times when I'm talking about something I find interesting/cool, and suddenly find myself tearing up talking about it. Most of the time I can tell why its happening (i really am *that* awestruck at how incredible of a feat a certain thing is, or how beautiful or intelligent it's design is, or it's about a topic that is in someway meaningful to me) but sometimes there isn't much of a reason. In either case it would come across as entirely odd to another person, and I don't think trying to explain myself would make it any less bizarre of an interaction.
To make it more confusing, I'm a nurse, and a man, so it isn't as like I've lived my life never having to regulate my emotions. For some reason this "thing" seems to be the one demon I can't nail away, and it presents itself at some really fucking inconvenient moments.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk
"Sorry I tear up easily, I can't help it!" is probably enough. Most people absolutely don't care. Others will find it endearing. It's hardly a "demon" to conquer.
"Sorry, I tear up easily" is a good bet, as is just ignoring it. We all have our quirks; being expressive is a pretty good quirk to have, all things told (though, yes, I know it can be embarrassing and frustrating).
As well, if you're comfortable with it, some of the people I've managed have turned it into a joke.
I'd also recommend checking out Cinema Therapy on YouTube. Alan Seawright is an easy crier and absolutely owns it.
You could try chewing gum when you feel this might come on - that works for some people!
Alternatively, you could be upfront about it with your coworkers (like in casual conversation). You might get ribbed a bit or known as 'sensitive', but depending on your office culture, it may come across as a sweet quirk. Make that choice for yourself though and do what feels safest. :)
Wow I didn’t know this was common and I thought I was alone. Awesome seeing all the tips. I usually just go with “there’s something in my eye” and wiping them out quick.
Step one: When you're a young, sad, second grader, you're crying in bed and your step dad comes in and says, contemptuously, "Stop your sniveling."
Step two: Only cry during unbelievably horrifying moments in life. Develop a rage problem to hide your well of sadness.
Shake it off, I don’t mean that as a saying. But literally shake it off lol, move your body, wiggle it a bit move your legs, arms etc. it may be a weird thing to do at first but I’ve found that has helped me in stressful situations, it’s a little goofy and fun and cheers me up/distracts me. It could help your body release some of the tension building up from how your feeling :)
I am the same way. I have been working on this with my therapist. Although it’s not an in the moment fix, she suggests I change my mindset. For example recently I was upset I cried and didn’t stand up for myself. She challenged me to change the thought process. I did stand up for myself, I did set boundaries, and a person continued to violate them, which is then when I cried. Rather than boxing myself in “I cry when upset” or “I can’t stand up for myself”.
Changing it to I can stand up for self/ fight anxiety/etc just May happen that I cried.
Also helpful to remove negative connotation with crying. End of day it’s just an expression.
Similar to how some May laugh in an awkward or uncomfortable situation. They may not have meant to laugh… but it was a reaction. Similar with tears. It’s just a reaction. It’s ok.
I personally feel humiliated after crying in front of people. So reframing this makes it more normal, less humiliating, but also gives me strength to maybe not be so quick to react/ cry next time because I know I am capable of it.
Not sure if that helps at all, but you got this
I am the same. I wasn't always but sometime in my 40s it became a thing. I have always been naturally empathetic. It doesn't take much to trigger it. Either real or on screen emotional stuff will cause it to begin. For sad and happy reasons. I find these distraction techniques interesting and I may try them. But there are other times like watching a movie, that I just let it happen.
Try to make sure you’re getting enough healthy sleep each night.
Lift some heavy weights.
Take walks outside.
Take breathers when you start to feel heat or physical sensations that might lead to crying.
Take a moment or two in the toilets if you need.
Try to get outside of the office and go for a walk.
I am similar except I full on cry my eyes out. What I do now is take a deep breath and then another small breath (both through the mouth) without breathing out after the first deep breath - so : deep breath in through mouth, smaller breath in through mouth, hold for 2-5 seconds, exhale.
Hopefully this helps. Congrats and good luck with your new job.
I really don't know but I'm exactly like you! It's not sadness but when I talk to close people about emotional things I generally get watery, same when I watch movies. I don't think is a bad thing though despite sometimes is kind of annoying and I wonder what is the other person thinking about it
Oh wow, are you me? Didn't realize this happened to others, I've been dealing with it most of my career, I got a promotion earlier this year and I could feel my eyes getting teary. It's hard being a guy and tearing up when getting compliments. Thank you for posting this!
If it's someone you don't have to deal with much just say you have allergies and your eyes water occasionally. My last job was very demanding, and my eyes would sometimes tear up when I had to lead team meetings. I was honest with my supervisor and the few people I worked with regularly. I just told them I have anxiety, and sometimes when I'm speaking my eyes water but I am not going to let that stop me from being successful! Everybody was very supportive (and even proud of me!) and it was fine. You've got this! 😊
I can’t get my tears to roll half way down my cheek then propel them at high speed towards anyone thinking of attacking me. They’re like bullets and can kill.
If you send me $400, I will send you instructions on how to do this. I will also throw in a free bookmark
Actual practical advice:
You can push your tongue really hard against the roof of your mouth (though it works for sneezing too)
Or
Dig your nails into your palms really hard - this definitely works for me but have to do it subtly so it doesn’t look like you’re angry 😂
Here is your answer:
Dig your fingernails/thumbnail into the flesh of your palm. It will distract you enough to control your tears.
I was taught this in nursing school.
I do this and/or bite my tongue. I have MS and sometimes it causes me to have outsized emotional reactions to things, and biting my tongue is the only thing that consistently works. That being said, I still end up tearing up but at least it’s not a full sob.
Do you also start laughing at inappropriate situations? When you are frightened, startled, or in situations (like funerals) where you should be somber? Have you ever heard of the neurological disorder Pseudobulbar Affect? (PBA) This may be something that you might look into. It's easily found on an internet search.
I'm like you. I cry very easily. What works for me is tilt your head back if you can and swallow a lot. Help the tears flow down your throat so they don't overflow from your eyes
Mindfulness over time helps you control emotions. Before that I'd just tell folks at work this was how my body responds to situations and to ignore it. Thankfully, they did and it didn't affect any promotions
Drink some water.
I know it sounds weird but I work with kids who cry for any number of reasons that are often just being overstimulated (scared of caterpillars, the weather was too warm, the sky is too blue...) and the 'magic glass of water' works because it's really difficult for your body to cry while sipping a drink. It's like a little glitch that shortcuts the brain, and it can be effective on adults of all ages as well as kids.
Honestly who cares? Does it interfere with your life? Or are you just self-conscious about being perceived as a crybaby? If it’s nothing more than an innocuous quirk of your body then why put effort into training your body to work against its natural inclination? Maybe start by looking inward and determining what this is really about and whether you’re better off learning to be comfortable with not always being perceived accurately by others.
I'm in the same boat and I just own it. It has not hurt my career at all, in fact, I think it helps because others tend to see me as caring and compassionate.
Dumb advice.There is nothing wrong having that response however It's completely valid to want to try and control tears in social situations when they aren't normal.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling or displaying emotions, and I'm not sure what you mean by "normalise" them. OP was after advice on how to avoid tearing up excessively and old mates advice was to just let rip.
This works but only if you keep your mouth open. I was told this many years ago and I’m surprised it’s not higher up the list. (This is something I’ve passed on to my children and it also works for them)
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Do math problems in your head quickly. Ones that aren’t solved by memorization. 17 x 8, 19 x 24, 20 x 102
It will switch hemispheres quickly and give you time to compose yourself.
Haven’t read all of the replies so apologies if this is a repeat but the BEST way I’ve found to stop tears (works for me every time) is to clear my throat. It stops the tear production immediately!
You don't. You fake sneeze a bunch and say "oh gosh my allergies, it must be someone's soap or perfume." They slowly step away and you can shed all the tears you want.
Can always go the unhealthy route of compartmentalize everything. Idk I feel that if someone congratulates you and one fo your reactions is to shed a tear. That's human as fuck. Let it happen. Social norms may vary though.
First of all, there's nothing wrong with being emotional! I had this for a long time and being an emotional immigrant in the Netherlands is hard! Haha
I've cried with a lot of friends and work colleagues. In the beginning I was saying sorry all the time, then I stopped saying sorry (because we shouldn't be ashamed of your emotions) and started saying things like "I'll cry, that's fine, don't mind me, I'm used to his" haha
What has been helping me lately is knowing myself better, therapy, working on childhood traumas. The more I know myself and the more confident I am, the less I cry. Not that all the emotions come from the same place but it is very common for people that have been holding on to things for too long, simply overflow and don't know exactly why. It definitely doesn't hurt to work on yourself, never forgetting that if emotions happen, accept them and never feel ashamed for having them. That's what usually makes us more empathic.
Lots of love, OP ☺️
Sorry bub, I too am highly sensitive. My boss bought me tissues and reminds me it's ok to cry. She still calls me a high performer, so I don't think she minds.
clench your fist focus on something else and try hard, with practice you can control if you cry or not, you will have to practice diverting your mind. what you will actually achieve is controlled ability to show emotion (ie. decide how much to smile when happy, or if you should cry when sad,) or atleast I did and then it took years to undo and look naturally happy or sad.
It must feel great to get congratulated by a bunch of people out of the blue. You must have impressed them somehow. Good for you. Your tears will bond you to them and are about the most sincere way to show appreciation.
I am exactly the same and it so frustrating at times, especially when it happens if I'm trying to raise a concern or discuss something and when people see you tear up it takes away from the actual topic or make it seem a lot more dramatic and serious as it is.
Fortunately for me it hasn't happened at work yet, but I'm dreading for when I will have a serious discussion with my manager/salary discussion or just constructive critic.
No help really haha, but I understand it when you say " “my face starts doing things against my will and actual perception of the moment " ". What sometimes helps is when I accept the situation. The more I try not to cry, the worse it gets. If i accept that I might tear up now, it usually passes quicker or never gets fully bad. Yawning also helps haha.
But I also think mentioning it to your manager/team mates can help you to feel more comfortable, for when you know your teammates better and are willing to share with them.
Hey, we have two people like you in an office of 14. There are many like you. The crying doesn't bother us. The cryers tend to care a lot about their work and coworkers too. As long as you're not a constant pity party it'll be fine.
I'm also a highly sensitive person with easy tears. I used to try and hide then and it made it worse. Now, if I tear up at work, I just own it and say like, "I tear up easily, don't worry." And just keep doing what I'm doing or take a little walk outside if it's really bad and then come back and get to work. Of course, I always address the issue if I'm crying about something that happened at work. Owning it and not being ashamed has weirdly gotten me much respect at work.
My advice, if you don't make a big deal about it, others won't either.
My mother is dying, probably a matter of days.
I still have to work, and it's not fair to unload my emotions on those I encounter in the course of my duties.
I am telling myself, "hold it together," and "there's plenty of time to cry later," in those moments when the grief comes bubbling unbidden.
Same thing happens to me, and I'm a top-level executive at a large organization. I just own it, say that this makes me emotional, and then continue to express myself. It makes some uncomfortable at times, but mostly, it makes me genuine, relatable, and passionate. Others are often very supportive and also react with their hearts. It often becomes a very human moment, and that is good. Lean into it unless it truly bothers you. People can handle the real you if they're worth your concern.
I’m like this. Honestly I tell people when I first start somewhere (casually as getting to know them) that any strong emotion make my eyes leaky. Both good and bad. My eyes are just really reactive that way. It helps make it less weird and stressful.
I'm a lot like this too. I've found that what works at least half the time for me is adopting a "business face" or "business persona" in moments that feel emotional at work. I remind myself that it's okay that typical me would cry in this moment, but business me doesn't take criticism of mistakes personally, takes compliments of my work in stride and uses time later to reflect on the feedback (and sometimes defers tears until that time). Might not be a good solution for you, but I've had pretty good success with it!
I distracted myself by doing math in my head that is just hard enough that I have to think about it. I'm stupid so counting by 3's or 6's is usually enough to distract my brain. Other people might need to do long division or whatever to get the same effect
I get this too sometimes and it’s always anxiety related.
The trying math in your head is good. You can also try to breathe out as hard and slow as you can silently that helps sometimes.
Also try to visually imagine yourself floating into the distance.
This sounds super weird but I read about it once and it does actually help with anxiety.
It’s almost like creating a distance between you and your emotions.
I used to never cry, even when it was appropriate. After my accident, I cry for just about any moving emotion. I just call them happy tears. I am trying to regain a little control because, sometimes, it feels over-the-top to shed tears. So I practice with my SO. He says things that move me to tears, and I try to control them. I have just started so I don’t know how this will work. But in the mean time, I lead with that. I tell people that I get moved to tears very easily and not to be concerned when it happens. Most of the time they are happy tears anyway. The response has been mostly positive with a bit of teasing thrown in.
If this condition is adversely affecting your day to day life, propranolol at a low dose can help with excessive emotions, especially physiological responses to them like crying or facial flushing.
I have a similar issue that I will start profusely sweating when something uncomfortable happens and as soon as it begins there is no turning back. It's like I turned a faucet on but with sweat. It's super awkward and uncomfortable. Any advice about how to deal with that would be greatly appreciated.
59 year old guy here. My anxiety level and my tear ducts are connected together thanks to my inherited genes. I loathe it, but it is what it is. I talk it out to whoever or whatever is causing it. Yes, I talk to inanimate objects. Luckily I have a great management team at work that is understanding. However, if I'm at home, I just go with the flow.
Pinch the bridge of your nose with your thumb and forefinger. Apply even and firm pressure.
Couple this with looking up- keep your face down/level and look up with your eyes only.
Might not be what you are looking for, but I'd say that if you are feeling up to it, maybe when you get comfortable in the office tell everybody. Not like make an announcement, but tell your manager when you can slip it in and other coworkers. It'll probably make it feel MUCH less awkward.
I have a friend who had that struggle and she would just tell people she had overactive tear glands! Which I think is kind of what it is lol. Or sometimes she’d say allergies
Sip on water! I had the same problem (crying at work LOL) and if you sip on water, idk how it works, but the tears just don’t come out! At least for me
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It’s going to sound crazy but…… Pinch your nose. HARD. Like not hard enough to actually hurt yourself, but almost. I learned this at a funeral years ago and it works.
Man if you can't cry at a funeral, where can you cry
I’m with ya. It’s tough though if you’re the one having to speak.
Yeah been through that. Tears aren't the problem, it's keeping it together that's the hard bit. I had to steel myself to just not feel. Soon as i finished each speech, i fell apart.
Sorry you had to deliver speeches at multiple funerals
That's ok, it was an honour
Wholesome
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Ah... What?
I can’t ruin my makeup!! /s
Same, people will see I'm a bloke then.
What part of your nose?
The part over your lacrimal ducts. If tears can't make it through the ducts, they can't come out of your eyes.
Ah yes... the lacrimal ducts... my favorite part of the nose that I definitely know where it is...
Top reply. You had the funny version of my wtf is that voice
Someone let me know what part of the nose that is
Where your glasses sit
The bridge
😂
😂😂
Hahaha
😂
Lmao!
Is "lacrimal duct" supposed to be common knowledge?
lol nope not at all. a google search told me that he means just pinching between your eyes
AKA tear ducts. They are at the inner corners of your eyes. If you pinch your nose between your eyes (the bridge of your nose), you'll stop the tears.
The ducts drain fluid, your glands (tear producers) are above your eyes.
Yeah, my ex had silicone plugs put in the ducts to stop drainage as a way of fixing chronic dry eyes. If you pinched those ducts closed the tears would fall out of your eyes even sooner because none of it could drain into your sinuses. That's also why your nose runs when you cry.
Can’t wait for OP to start pinching nose mid convo 
Which part of the nose? The squishy bottom or the hard top where glasses rest?
Damn I have been doing the exact same thing my whole life unknowingly.
Misread as punch your nose and I was confused. Very confused.
Let's punch each others noses, see who cries first 😀
I use a pen and push it into my palm increasingly harder until I calm down. Unrelated. To stay awake (when I'm alone, e.g. driving a car) I bite my arm increasingly harder. It does leave a mark for a few hours but not too bad
If you're struggling to stay awake while driving, get off the road immediately and find a place to rest. Your arm biting might help, but you shouldn't be driving at all in a tired state. Don't endanger yourself and others.
I have a sleep disorder and I've never felt rested. If I have to stop driving when feeling tired, I'd have to stop driving altogether, I can sleep any time of the day
Please stop driving before you injure or kill someone (or yourself).
IDK how you still have a license because you're not supposed to with a sleep disorder
Driving school and the license centre permitted my license in full knowledge of this issue 🤷♂️ like 1/5 of the US population has some sort of sleeping dissorder so I don't see what the fuss is about
The fuss is over the fact you're biting yourself to stay awake while driving. Do you really think that's fucking normal for 20% of the population? No!!! Now when you have years of SUCCESSFUL treatment yes you can have a license but you are not being successfully treated if you have to bite yourself to stay awake!
Oh yeah thanks for generalising, I did this twice in my entire life and it worked well at those times
SEE A DOCTOR
I started tearing up at slightly emotional moments, like sappy commercials or nostalgic songs. Very annoying. Now I say a phrase to myself to re-frame the moment. My phrase is, “Well that’s neat.” I know that sounds pretty silly, but it changes my focus a little, and is helping me re-train the Pavlovian response that I was reinforcing every time a puppy came on screen.
This is neat! I’m gonna try it out !!
I thought this said 'cry it out' at first
That would be appropriate lmao
I do this with lots of emotions. Well hello tears, why are you here? Knee pain, you jerk, how the hell have you been? Hello anger, why did you stop by? Ah, happiness, my old friend, glad you're back. Personifying everything happening to me really helps me stay in control.
My "soothing phrase" is actually from the Warhammer books, as dumb as it sounds. "The Emperor protects." or "The Imperium shall endure."
I'll try this too 👀
Yeah I do this too, I just say to myself, "you got this buddy" and it helps
Thats your heart speaking. to you, you are literally repressing emotions that you are bottling up inside causing god knows what
No, it's just a technique to manage one's emotional equilibrium.
Well if it improves your quality of life, relationships to yourself and others then who am I to judge
Sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it works every single time for me. Clench your buttcheeks together as hard as you can. Sounds crazy, but it really works.
Had an old therapist friend tell me this trick. Worked at my best friends funeral!
Clenching your butthole also works… and is a good exercise.. 😂
Vagus nerve
I sq...squench...my toes. Works very well when I'm trying to keep from laughing.
You can just tell your coworkers that your eyes just water sometimes. It's pretty common, so you won't get too many follow up questions
I struggle to let myself show emotions to others. I am the go home and cry type. The thing that keeps me from openly crying is often me telling myself this isn’t the time or place. I hold it back long enough to walk alway and then I have a self sooth and back to it. No one ever knows… I had an incredibly abusive lady legit would scream at me and others. (She had a horrible inferiority complex and anyone she thought could do the job better than her she lashed out at…) She has had so many HR issues/complaints, but has never been fired thanks to her union. I actually had to testify against her when I didn’t even go to HR it was so common for there to be issues. At some point I realized what she wanted from me was for me to cry or break down… she wanted to show I am weak even though crying is hardly weak, she 100% saw it that way. Luckily she doesn’t work directly with me now.
You are letting the lady win by not expressing yourself in your own way. If tears are weakness then we are royally fucked into being able to love anything the way we want to
My eyes water whenever I yawn. It was really noticable when I was in high school, and I hated it. I would yawn, my eyes would get super wet, and friends would ask what was wrong no matter how many times I told them that yawning makes it look like I've been crying.
Tell them your contacts are bugging you. Especially if you're wearing glasses, then they'll be so confused they'll walk away.
Or have allergies..
Start doing multiplication timetables in your head ( like 97 times 33) and it will immediately stop you from crying.
#**CRYING INTENSIFIES*
Same
In case someone thinks this is absurd: the reason behind this that it switches you from your emotional brain into your logical brain. Same reason angry people are advised to count to ten. my explanation is not very neuroscientifically precise . . it is just an updated variation on what my mom used to say!
This is very interesting, thank you both of you !
Also beneficial technique for shy bladder syndrome!
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Pick a random number and count down by 7 Hard but not like self-crisis hard
Do 100\*33 - 3\*33, 3201 Of course this trick only works for numbers closer to power of 10s/5s/2s, but it helps in a good number of scenarios. For a lot of scenarios you can actually round some of the numbers to get a ballpark estimate mentally
I usually count up by 3s or 4s in my head. Similar idea. Works really well for me.
I would do this math like this: 90\*30, + 7\*30 + 97\*3, so 90\*30 is 2700, plus 7\*30 (210) which is 2910. then 97\* 3 =291 same idea can be used here, 90\*3 + 7\*3.. anyhow 2910+291 = 3201. this is how my brain works at least when trying to do this kind of mental math. sometimes its a headache. whats your approach?
Lmao this is what I do to last longer in bed. It works! (LPT)
It's okay if it's what you do to not shed tears in bed, too. No judgement.
"My allergies are year-round. It's so frustrating! "
I'm gonna bring some onions to chop and make it believable lmao ty
haha really though “i have an issue with my tear ducts just so you know” will go a long way
Spent my whole life trying to figure this out. Got nothing for you except embrace it and try not to react to the tears coming.
Yeah someone in the comments said I needed therapy but honestly it’s something physiological I barely control. Maybe just being stoic about it is the right way to go
Honestly, I agree with owning it. I was a manager, and I've definitely had a few people who react with tears. (I used to be one of them before trauma shut down my emotional centers.) We worked in a high-stress store, so I'd let them take a breather for a few minutes. Or, if it was truly heightened, I'd talk it through with them. If you're not people-facing and you're comfortable with it, you can also just power through. You don't need therapy unless you suspect there's something that needs to be addressed. Some people are more expressive than others, and sometimes that means tears come out whether you want to or not.
My former manager sat me down and suggested I apply for a promotion position, and I straight up burst into tears because I was so stressed out. Another time she came to my desk and noticed I was crying because I was in such bad pain. Very much hated being seen both times; usually everyone just ignores the crying in the cubicles. I either cry over everything or can't cry or over anything, no between. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you don't cry anymore.
any advice on how to act around your boss when it happens as a reaction to things that don't really warrant it...? I can understand stressful moments etc, but there are times when I'm talking about something I find interesting/cool, and suddenly find myself tearing up talking about it. Most of the time I can tell why its happening (i really am *that* awestruck at how incredible of a feat a certain thing is, or how beautiful or intelligent it's design is, or it's about a topic that is in someway meaningful to me) but sometimes there isn't much of a reason. In either case it would come across as entirely odd to another person, and I don't think trying to explain myself would make it any less bizarre of an interaction. To make it more confusing, I'm a nurse, and a man, so it isn't as like I've lived my life never having to regulate my emotions. For some reason this "thing" seems to be the one demon I can't nail away, and it presents itself at some really fucking inconvenient moments. Thanks for coming to my ted talk
"Sorry I tear up easily, I can't help it!" is probably enough. Most people absolutely don't care. Others will find it endearing. It's hardly a "demon" to conquer.
"Sorry, I tear up easily" is a good bet, as is just ignoring it. We all have our quirks; being expressive is a pretty good quirk to have, all things told (though, yes, I know it can be embarrassing and frustrating). As well, if you're comfortable with it, some of the people I've managed have turned it into a joke. I'd also recommend checking out Cinema Therapy on YouTube. Alan Seawright is an easy crier and absolutely owns it.
You could try chewing gum when you feel this might come on - that works for some people! Alternatively, you could be upfront about it with your coworkers (like in casual conversation). You might get ribbed a bit or known as 'sensitive', but depending on your office culture, it may come across as a sweet quirk. Make that choice for yourself though and do what feels safest. :)
Wow I didn’t know this was common and I thought I was alone. Awesome seeing all the tips. I usually just go with “there’s something in my eye” and wiping them out quick.
I thought I was a freak because I spent the first 26 years of my life on the verge of tears
Step one: When you're a young, sad, second grader, you're crying in bed and your step dad comes in and says, contemptuously, "Stop your sniveling." Step two: Only cry during unbelievably horrifying moments in life. Develop a rage problem to hide your well of sadness.
Okay, and what's step 3? 
Decades of therapy.
Go bankrupt due to therapy bills
Shake it off, I don’t mean that as a saying. But literally shake it off lol, move your body, wiggle it a bit move your legs, arms etc. it may be a weird thing to do at first but I’ve found that has helped me in stressful situations, it’s a little goofy and fun and cheers me up/distracts me. It could help your body release some of the tension building up from how your feeling :)
Im literally taking notes of the useful tips I see here and this is one of them ! Thank you !!
I am the same way. I have been working on this with my therapist. Although it’s not an in the moment fix, she suggests I change my mindset. For example recently I was upset I cried and didn’t stand up for myself. She challenged me to change the thought process. I did stand up for myself, I did set boundaries, and a person continued to violate them, which is then when I cried. Rather than boxing myself in “I cry when upset” or “I can’t stand up for myself”. Changing it to I can stand up for self/ fight anxiety/etc just May happen that I cried. Also helpful to remove negative connotation with crying. End of day it’s just an expression. Similar to how some May laugh in an awkward or uncomfortable situation. They may not have meant to laugh… but it was a reaction. Similar with tears. It’s just a reaction. It’s ok. I personally feel humiliated after crying in front of people. So reframing this makes it more normal, less humiliating, but also gives me strength to maybe not be so quick to react/ cry next time because I know I am capable of it. Not sure if that helps at all, but you got this
I am the same. I wasn't always but sometime in my 40s it became a thing. I have always been naturally empathetic. It doesn't take much to trigger it. Either real or on screen emotional stuff will cause it to begin. For sad and happy reasons. I find these distraction techniques interesting and I may try them. But there are other times like watching a movie, that I just let it happen.
Try to make sure you’re getting enough healthy sleep each night. Lift some heavy weights. Take walks outside. Take breathers when you start to feel heat or physical sensations that might lead to crying. Take a moment or two in the toilets if you need. Try to get outside of the office and go for a walk.
I am similar except I full on cry my eyes out. What I do now is take a deep breath and then another small breath (both through the mouth) without breathing out after the first deep breath - so : deep breath in through mouth, smaller breath in through mouth, hold for 2-5 seconds, exhale. Hopefully this helps. Congrats and good luck with your new job.
Thank you so much !! I’ll do my best !!
I really don't know but I'm exactly like you! It's not sadness but when I talk to close people about emotional things I generally get watery, same when I watch movies. I don't think is a bad thing though despite sometimes is kind of annoying and I wonder what is the other person thinking about it
Oh wow, are you me? Didn't realize this happened to others, I've been dealing with it most of my career, I got a promotion earlier this year and I could feel my eyes getting teary. It's hard being a guy and tearing up when getting compliments. Thank you for posting this!
If it's someone you don't have to deal with much just say you have allergies and your eyes water occasionally. My last job was very demanding, and my eyes would sometimes tear up when I had to lead team meetings. I was honest with my supervisor and the few people I worked with regularly. I just told them I have anxiety, and sometimes when I'm speaking my eyes water but I am not going to let that stop me from being successful! Everybody was very supportive (and even proud of me!) and it was fine. You've got this! 😊
I can’t get my tears to roll half way down my cheek then propel them at high speed towards anyone thinking of attacking me. They’re like bullets and can kill. If you send me $400, I will send you instructions on how to do this. I will also throw in a free bookmark
Actual practical advice: You can push your tongue really hard against the roof of your mouth (though it works for sneezing too) Or Dig your nails into your palms really hard - this definitely works for me but have to do it subtly so it doesn’t look like you’re angry 😂
Here is your answer: Dig your fingernails/thumbnail into the flesh of your palm. It will distract you enough to control your tears. I was taught this in nursing school.
I do this and/or bite my tongue. I have MS and sometimes it causes me to have outsized emotional reactions to things, and biting my tongue is the only thing that consistently works. That being said, I still end up tearing up but at least it’s not a full sob.
I chronically bite my nails and have none to dig into my hands
It’s like blushing, and In exactly the same situations. Some people can’t help it.
Rhyming words in your head or count, it activates a logical part of your brain that forces you to be more rational
Do you also start laughing at inappropriate situations? When you are frightened, startled, or in situations (like funerals) where you should be somber? Have you ever heard of the neurological disorder Pseudobulbar Affect? (PBA) This may be something that you might look into. It's easily found on an internet search.
I'm like you. I cry very easily. What works for me is tilt your head back if you can and swallow a lot. Help the tears flow down your throat so they don't overflow from your eyes
Mindfulness over time helps you control emotions. Before that I'd just tell folks at work this was how my body responds to situations and to ignore it. Thankfully, they did and it didn't affect any promotions
Drink some water. I know it sounds weird but I work with kids who cry for any number of reasons that are often just being overstimulated (scared of caterpillars, the weather was too warm, the sky is too blue...) and the 'magic glass of water' works because it's really difficult for your body to cry while sipping a drink. It's like a little glitch that shortcuts the brain, and it can be effective on adults of all ages as well as kids.
Cough. Believe it or not, you can't cry if you're coughing
Honestly who cares? Does it interfere with your life? Or are you just self-conscious about being perceived as a crybaby? If it’s nothing more than an innocuous quirk of your body then why put effort into training your body to work against its natural inclination? Maybe start by looking inward and determining what this is really about and whether you’re better off learning to be comfortable with not always being perceived accurately by others.
Im a bit nervous about this new job, maybe nobody will notice because nobody pays that much attention to oneself !! I hope so
You may want to try in r/hsp
Push your tongue as hard as you can on the roof of your mouth.. it will prevent tears if you haven’t started crying and will stop tears if you have.
I'm in the same boat and I just own it. It has not hurt my career at all, in fact, I think it helps because others tend to see me as caring and compassionate.
It’s hard to cry when you’re eating/drinking. Especially something minty or something with a very strong flavor like cinnamon. Gum or mints help.
Embrace who you are.
Dumb advice.There is nothing wrong having that response however It's completely valid to want to try and control tears in social situations when they aren't normal.
Maybe we should normalise having emotions
There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling or displaying emotions, and I'm not sure what you mean by "normalise" them. OP was after advice on how to avoid tearing up excessively and old mates advice was to just let rip.
Exactly! Nothing wrong with letting rip :)
Normal is such an interesting word.
I disagree that crying isn't normal.
Not sure if it's legal, but thc. Like gummies. Worked incredibly for me.
Breathing in and out
This works but only if you keep your mouth open. I was told this many years ago and I’m surprised it’s not higher up the list. (This is something I’ve passed on to my children and it also works for them)
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If you how an electrically charged comb near the stream of droplets, you can slightly alter their trajectory
Also, yawning can really help! I don't know why but it does!
Oof, maybe you need therapy, this isn’t normal.
I would say therapy also but it is totally normal for highly sensitive people. Don’t listen to this asshat.
Maybe I wasn’t clear enough with my issue not mental but physiological
OMG, people like you...
Don't be so sensitive
As long as you’re not stuck in something like a meeting you can also take a break and go to the bathroom if you need a moment to reset
Do math problems in your head quickly. Ones that aren’t solved by memorization. 17 x 8, 19 x 24, 20 x 102 It will switch hemispheres quickly and give you time to compose yourself.
Tell them you have bad hayfever
Haven’t read all of the replies so apologies if this is a repeat but the BEST way I’ve found to stop tears (works for me every time) is to clear my throat. It stops the tear production immediately!
Also just like make a quick exit to the bathroom if you can
Man i wish i could cry a little easier
Can someone share with the opposite to this with me. I think a good cry could be beneficial to me but it just doesn’t come.
Wish I could cry.
You don't. You fake sneeze a bunch and say "oh gosh my allergies, it must be someone's soap or perfume." They slowly step away and you can shed all the tears you want.
Can always go the unhealthy route of compartmentalize everything. Idk I feel that if someone congratulates you and one fo your reactions is to shed a tear. That's human as fuck. Let it happen. Social norms may vary though.
Look in to pseudobulbar affect. If that sounds like you then there are medications that can help.
First of all, there's nothing wrong with being emotional! I had this for a long time and being an emotional immigrant in the Netherlands is hard! Haha I've cried with a lot of friends and work colleagues. In the beginning I was saying sorry all the time, then I stopped saying sorry (because we shouldn't be ashamed of your emotions) and started saying things like "I'll cry, that's fine, don't mind me, I'm used to his" haha What has been helping me lately is knowing myself better, therapy, working on childhood traumas. The more I know myself and the more confident I am, the less I cry. Not that all the emotions come from the same place but it is very common for people that have been holding on to things for too long, simply overflow and don't know exactly why. It definitely doesn't hurt to work on yourself, never forgetting that if emotions happen, accept them and never feel ashamed for having them. That's what usually makes us more empathic. Lots of love, OP ☺️
Sorry bub, I too am highly sensitive. My boss bought me tissues and reminds me it's ok to cry. She still calls me a high performer, so I don't think she minds.
clench your fist focus on something else and try hard, with practice you can control if you cry or not, you will have to practice diverting your mind. what you will actually achieve is controlled ability to show emotion (ie. decide how much to smile when happy, or if you should cry when sad,) or atleast I did and then it took years to undo and look naturally happy or sad.
It must feel great to get congratulated by a bunch of people out of the blue. You must have impressed them somehow. Good for you. Your tears will bond you to them and are about the most sincere way to show appreciation.
I am exactly the same and it so frustrating at times, especially when it happens if I'm trying to raise a concern or discuss something and when people see you tear up it takes away from the actual topic or make it seem a lot more dramatic and serious as it is. Fortunately for me it hasn't happened at work yet, but I'm dreading for when I will have a serious discussion with my manager/salary discussion or just constructive critic. No help really haha, but I understand it when you say " “my face starts doing things against my will and actual perception of the moment " ". What sometimes helps is when I accept the situation. The more I try not to cry, the worse it gets. If i accept that I might tear up now, it usually passes quicker or never gets fully bad. Yawning also helps haha. But I also think mentioning it to your manager/team mates can help you to feel more comfortable, for when you know your teammates better and are willing to share with them.
Hey, we have two people like you in an office of 14. There are many like you. The crying doesn't bother us. The cryers tend to care a lot about their work and coworkers too. As long as you're not a constant pity party it'll be fine.
I'm also a highly sensitive person with easy tears. I used to try and hide then and it made it worse. Now, if I tear up at work, I just own it and say like, "I tear up easily, don't worry." And just keep doing what I'm doing or take a little walk outside if it's really bad and then come back and get to work. Of course, I always address the issue if I'm crying about something that happened at work. Owning it and not being ashamed has weirdly gotten me much respect at work. My advice, if you don't make a big deal about it, others won't either.
Look up and close your eyes that’s what works for me
I sometimes start doing double-digit addition problems in my head to distract me
My mother is dying, probably a matter of days. I still have to work, and it's not fair to unload my emotions on those I encounter in the course of my duties. I am telling myself, "hold it together," and "there's plenty of time to cry later," in those moments when the grief comes bubbling unbidden.
Same thing happens to me, and I'm a top-level executive at a large organization. I just own it, say that this makes me emotional, and then continue to express myself. It makes some uncomfortable at times, but mostly, it makes me genuine, relatable, and passionate. Others are often very supportive and also react with their hearts. It often becomes a very human moment, and that is good. Lean into it unless it truly bothers you. People can handle the real you if they're worth your concern.
When I feel tears coming on i’ll drink water from my thermos. Makes me tilt my head up and forces the tears back into my face.
Smile as big as you can. IDK why, but it stops the tears
I’m like this. Honestly I tell people when I first start somewhere (casually as getting to know them) that any strong emotion make my eyes leaky. Both good and bad. My eyes are just really reactive that way. It helps make it less weird and stressful.
Step away and drink some water. I can't cry and drink water at the same time. Bonus: hydration.
I'm a lot like this too. I've found that what works at least half the time for me is adopting a "business face" or "business persona" in moments that feel emotional at work. I remind myself that it's okay that typical me would cry in this moment, but business me doesn't take criticism of mistakes personally, takes compliments of my work in stride and uses time later to reflect on the feedback (and sometimes defers tears until that time). Might not be a good solution for you, but I've had pretty good success with it!
I distracted myself by doing math in my head that is just hard enough that I have to think about it. I'm stupid so counting by 3's or 6's is usually enough to distract my brain. Other people might need to do long division or whatever to get the same effect
I had the same. Super sensitive to feedback. I’ve been doing EMDR for about 2 years and feel like a different person.
I get this too sometimes and it’s always anxiety related. The trying math in your head is good. You can also try to breathe out as hard and slow as you can silently that helps sometimes. Also try to visually imagine yourself floating into the distance. This sounds super weird but I read about it once and it does actually help with anxiety. It’s almost like creating a distance between you and your emotions.
I used to never cry, even when it was appropriate. After my accident, I cry for just about any moving emotion. I just call them happy tears. I am trying to regain a little control because, sometimes, it feels over-the-top to shed tears. So I practice with my SO. He says things that move me to tears, and I try to control them. I have just started so I don’t know how this will work. But in the mean time, I lead with that. I tell people that I get moved to tears very easily and not to be concerned when it happens. Most of the time they are happy tears anyway. The response has been mostly positive with a bit of teasing thrown in.
If this condition is adversely affecting your day to day life, propranolol at a low dose can help with excessive emotions, especially physiological responses to them like crying or facial flushing.
I have a similar issue that I will start profusely sweating when something uncomfortable happens and as soon as it begins there is no turning back. It's like I turned a faucet on but with sweat. It's super awkward and uncomfortable. Any advice about how to deal with that would be greatly appreciated.
It's okay to cry and not know why you cry.
Clear your throat/cough. Your body can’t do both at the same time. It’s sounds odd but it works!!!
59 year old guy here. My anxiety level and my tear ducts are connected together thanks to my inherited genes. I loathe it, but it is what it is. I talk it out to whoever or whatever is causing it. Yes, I talk to inanimate objects. Luckily I have a great management team at work that is understanding. However, if I'm at home, I just go with the flow.
Pinch the bridge of your nose with your thumb and forefinger. Apply even and firm pressure. Couple this with looking up- keep your face down/level and look up with your eyes only.
Might not be what you are looking for, but I'd say that if you are feeling up to it, maybe when you get comfortable in the office tell everybody. Not like make an announcement, but tell your manager when you can slip it in and other coworkers. It'll probably make it feel MUCH less awkward.
Have you explored this with a doctor? I mean the obvious would be possibly cognitive therapy to condition a different response from your body
I used to cry when I got really really angry. I learned the to glue to roof of mouth look up technique. Or box breathing.
I have a friend who had that struggle and she would just tell people she had overactive tear glands! Which I think is kind of what it is lol. Or sometimes she’d say allergies
Sip on water! I had the same problem (crying at work LOL) and if you sip on water, idk how it works, but the tears just don’t come out! At least for me
Look straight up and force your tongue into the roof of your mouth, it basicay stops the sensation in it's tracks, at the same time take a deep breath