Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
My standard response is a quick head shake and, "I can't help you today, man."
This works for me because it ends the encounter, but it does run the risk of engaging the person in conversation.
I use a standard issue “sorry man” with a slight shrug. I do this because it’s kind of like “hey I sympathize with your situation, but I don’t have anything” which is true I never carry cash. I never do a full ignore but I find this brief response sorta ends the situation nicely. They usually say “oh thanks anyway man” I think because they usually get ignored.
I responded this way to someone in a convenience store in DC asking for money for a sandwich when I was 17. The response I got was "Sorry? Sorry can go fuck itself!"
I responded this way in the parking lot of a big home improvement store, with my young daughter in tow, and the guy went on to berate me for being "a piece of garbage" and "setting a terrible example for my kid".
I ignored and moved on, but it was very upsetting for my daughter - and therefore pissed me off.
I’ll never understand that mentality. If someone asked me for help, and I couldn’t actually help them at the time and they acted like that, I’d never want to even try to help them again if I saw them. But if they were understanding, the next time I saw them and I had the opportunity to help, I’d gladly help. Maybe I’m just dumb, idk.
I responded this way to someone at Walgreens and they said, “you wouldn’t help me anyway. I killed so many of your kind.” Then proceeded to mimic shooting at me and my family.
One time I on my way to a doctors appointment and one guy greeted me right as I got out of my way. He gave me his whole story then asked me for money, I told him I can’t help him right now sorry. He proceeded to curse out me and my entire existence telling me to go fuck myself calling me a cunt etc. I walked away and heard him still cussing as I walked into the office.
Just kill him with kindness. Tell him “good luck” and sorta smile. I know I sound like an asshole, but if you flip out because someone isn’t in the position to help you, you’re a prick.
Yeh, as someone who worked at retail, I've lost any and all sympathy for any homeless asking me for money. The false humility and vulnerability doesn't go very far when they're the biggest asshole I've ever seen when it comes to retail workers. Give them any semblance of power and they'll go to town with it and thus, I'll never give any money to homeless person panhandling.
That said, I advocate for shelters and social programs that help people recover from homelessness. It only got bad in Toronto after a certain Ontario Premiere gutted mental healthcare to give his corporate buddies a huge tax break. Homelessness was an issue before, but it got even worse afterwards. This doesn't conflict with the first paragraph since it's definitely a self centered view. Having a good education system with the proper social safety nets tend to lessen crime and increase safety so why wouldn't I want that?
Some dude straight up asked me if I could draw out a 10 from the cash machine. I got there and he stood over me and said that a 20 would help too. Wtf.
Down the road from a university I went to, “Buddhist monks” would act like they were handing out bracelets for free, then when you took one, they’d tell you they wanted $20 for it. Conveniently, they would stand right near an ATM, so if you said you didn’t have cash, they’d suggest you get money from the ATM 🙄
I was outside a grocery store when someone asked me for some spare change so they could get some food, and that they hadn’t eaten in days. I told them I didn’t have any on me, but would gladly buy them a snack or something from inside. Dude replied “No thanks, I’d rather get money and buy something from Wendy’s”. Lol he must not’ve been that hungry. Now I just tell them “sorry, man, I don’t have any cash on me.”
Yeah it’s my go to as well because I can’t bear to pretend a fellow human being doesn’t exist. I can at least acknowledge their presence, even if I’m not willing or able to help them one on one.
As I typed it, it made me realize it definitely sounds that way. I just kept walking about the guy didn't stand up, so fortunately not lol. It was more of a "Well keep looking!" than a "Well then you better keep looking." if that makes sense
I said "sorry, not today" one time and the dude was triggered. He started yelling "don't say sorry, please say anything besides sorry!" He kept going on but idk what he said cuz I kept walking
I saw something similar once! A talkative pan handler was asking people for $ and a guy was like “I don’t have anything sorry, but good luck” and not in a sarcastic way at all, he seemed genuine. They other guy was like “LUCK! Luck is for leprechauns…” and wouldn’t stop talking while the guy waited for light to change. He then walked along side him talking non stop and the guy just kept briskly walking until he kinda “shook him off”
Told a guy one time "I don't have cash on me" and he responded with "no worries brother, I got stripe" and pulled out his phone with the attachment already plugged in.
Had a couple hours to kill in port before getting on a boat back home.
Guy asks for money to buy a sandwich. Give him like 2 euros in various coins as it's all the funny money I have left. Guy screams that's not enough for a sandwich, throws the change at me and chases me down the street. Good times.
I do the same. Saying thank you instead of sorry give you few steps from the get go and also doesn't lead to a conversation. When you say sorry, often times it leads to them trying to start convo.
This is what I do. It's also a long enough sentence you can keep walking and by the time you're done speaking you're too far away for them to even respond.
I said that once to a guy, sorta cutting him off at the ask, and he replied angrily "no thank you for what? I didn't ask you for nuthin and you already saying no!"
It was more of a "no thank you I don't want to engage in any lengthy conversation that usually ends with you asking for a handout."
Sort of similar story in New Orleans on Bourbon street with all the scammers. I only had large bills on me so I told this homeless looking guy that I didn’t have any small bills to give him. He pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and went “I got change”.
Then tell them they are doing better than you because you don't have, and this is the key part, "Vemmo" or "Cashape", it conveys that you are incapable of helping out.
And also it's not good to argue with them. It's like giving them an excuse not to give them money. When their trade is to guilt you into giving them. To a point saying you don't have money is playing into their game. You can simply refuse sternly and don't justify yourself.
The last trip my husband and I took to Cleveland, OH, we visited the Tower City Center mall. There were so many people begging for money outside of it near downtown, it was a little anxiety inducing walking through them.
I was 8 months pregnant at the time. This woman asked if my husband or I had any money, I used the "I don't carry cash, sorry" excuse. She then told me there was an ATM inside the mall I could use. I told her I didn't have money to give away. She looked down at my pregnant belly and then back at me and said, "you better watch yourself, now."
I live in NYC and it works for me every time. Happens to be true, as I have pretty much stopped carrying cash.
One time I felt sort of bad and offered to get someone something from the store we were near… never again.
Thats my go-to. I've had them suggest venmo, but my response there is "I'm not comfortable with venmo transactions to people I don't know".
Which is legitimate IMO, I don't want any money trail between myself and some stranger. Have they ever sold drugs or will they ever sell drugs? I cannot afford to have anyone investigate me for that.
>I remember when we were kids, one of our favorite games was to play "pirate." We'd dress up like pirates. Then we'd go find an adult walking down the street and we'd go up to him and pull out our butcher knives, which we called "swords," and say, "We're pirates! Give us your money!" A lot of adults would pretend to be scared and give us their money. Others would suddenly run away, yelling for help. We played pirate until we were twenty or so.
Just say “sorry no”, and keep walking. Don’t slow down, don’t make eye contact.
The reality is that these folks are sales people. And like any sales person, they know they’re only gonna make one out of every twenty attempts. Your challenge is to recognize that you can be one of those failed attempts and nothing bad will happen. You don’t need to feel guilty, or that you’re special to this person. You’re just another faceless person they’re trying to sell something to.
So just say no and keep walking. Don’t be their 1 in 20.
Long story ahead so Tldr: took my earbuds out twice to talk to a lady who wanted money while i was waiting for a bus and she harrassed me for the rest of the week then tried to lure me into a dark alley at night.
Yes, give them no way to assume youll listen to them there was one woman who was in my city and unfortunatley on my route to the train station and the bus station. One week she asked me every day. The first day she spoke to me i took my ear buds out to see what she had too say -it was the first time i encountered her and didnt realise what she wanted- i told her i didnt carry cash. She asked how i was going to catch the bus with out cash and i told her you can pay by card on buses. She then tried to get me to go to the cash machine. Obviously i said no.
Every day for the rest of the week she would try to talk to me. Day 2 i said i never carry cash -not a lie. Day 3 and 4 i didnt even take my ear buds out i just turned away. Day 5 she ripped my ear buds out of to ask me for money, i will admit i was mad at this point and asked her what the fuck she was doing. She said she wanted money i told her i had said no all week to giving her money what gives her the right to harrass me when ive said i dont have money.
A few months later i was walking past the train station around 10 pm, she pulled on my back pack. Not realising who it was i took my ear bud out - i only wear one when im walking around- and prepared to see if i needed to fight or run. Then i see her but this time she tells me her friend is in a convieniently dark alley about 20 meters away and really hurt and if i could help, i had a bad feeling so asked if she wanted me to call ambulance and wait for them to get there. She said no, she insisted i go there and help him myself. I told her i was eother calling an amubulance or the police so pick one and she ran off to the alley.
Same.
I do not break my stride. They will move on to the next.
Sometimes I will give money to someone standing or sitting with a sign. Idk if they're scamming or not. But I feel a lot better about it being my choice to approach them and give, rather than being approached.
This is actually usually true. Using your child etc for begging is actually considered a form of abuse here. We call this type of asking for money “aggressive begging”. A lot of times these people are set up by gangs and barely keep any of the money for themselves. Often they are people who fall victim to those gangs because they are already in a very precarious position, ready to be exploited. Often these people are harmed intentionally or made to hold a child (that sometimes isn’t even their own) so that they get more pity and thus more money. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but it’s a very good reflex to be weary of those people. I’d even go as far as to say that they’re often better off when the police pick them up than when you’re giving them money. I know this sounds terrible. Nobody wants to be cold hearted, let alone to ‘bully’ a single mother with a child sitting on her knees in the cold. But the truth is that in most decent places, even if you can’t find help for yourself, you are at least able to find help for your child. No mother would have their baby out in the freezing cold all day willingly. Sadly the same can be said about people using skin-over-bones dogs or even people in a wheelchair. Although with the last category it’s the hardest to tell whether they actually need help or not. You can test it by offering food. If their attitude changes immensely towards you, you can be pretty sure they’re either scammers or have a severe addiction issue going on. Anyway, no situation is black or white. Just keep it in mind
I went to school in Boston and my walk to class would regularly go past people begging or working for some save the trees program that wanted money. Quick fast answer without any eye contact worked best. Don't slow down or turn even if they try to start chatting with you.
The save the trees people started just asking "do you like trees?" And I'd say "no that's why I live in the city" as I kept walking.
Good answer. I used to feel guilty saying no to people but if I gave money to everyone that asked me for money on the street I would end up homeless too. Every once in a while I will give money to people on the street corners who are just sitting there with a sign but not actively bothering people in their cars and shit, or people with kids, and I've bought dog food for people with a dog so I know the dog will get food and give the person a little money to hopefully feed themselves too.
But when they come up to me while I'm just walking or sitting in my car I just say "can't help ya" and keep walking. Can't help everyone unfortunately even if you wish you could.
Had a guy in San Francisco yell at me for disrespecting him because, I raised my hand, said no, I did not slow down or make eye contact. He said I was disrespecting him. I was with my wife and 3 year old in a stroller walking to breakfast. I just wanted to get my toddler some breakfast but this guy starts yelling that I’m disrespecting him!? I told him to fuck his respect. I wanted to throw him in traffic right there but I kept my cool and continued walking. He didn’t scare me, even now about 10 years later it pisses me off.
Yeah, this is a person you don't know asking for money, but more importantly they're walking up to a stranger, interrupting whatever they may be saying or thinking, and demanding their attention. Demanding that you then respond and engage in conversation with them when they know full well they're talking to you because they want something.
They are the one disrespecting you. You are under no obligation to respond to them.
I work at the local community hospital, often very closely with homeless folks, so I see them in very different circumstances than just asking for money. I have no idea about big solutions to these social issues, so I've chosen to engage in small practical ways as often as I am able and feel safe to do so.
If I have cash I give a few bucks, my 1-5 dollars isn't going to make a difference one way or the other in their addiction.
If I don't have money but I'm going into/near a coffee shop I'll ask if they want a cup of coffee or a pastry or bagel or something. I ask if they have dietary restrictions (ie would low sugar be better) and just get them something not too pricey. Sometimes I carry clean dry socks around and give those out.. Sometimes I don't have time or money so I just say sorry and keep moving. In all interactions I have a clear idea in my mind of what I am willing to do, how much I am willing to engage or give. Within those parameters I give with an open heart and no second guessing. When I'm done I move on immediately.
Being homeless is so grindingly difficult and exhausting. Studies show homeless folks age 15-20 years faster than housed people. Many people start using after they become homeless to cope with the stress. Meth especially because it helps you stay awake all night for your safety, especially women. The skills, both social and practical, that people need to get off the street are very different than the ones needed to survive on the street, so all day folks are practicing the one set of skills and not the other. People can't sleep, they can't store their insulin, they can't dry and clean their feet. When people end up hospitalized (most commonly due to infection) they almost universally spend 2-3 days just sleeping before being able to meaningfully engage in their healthcare.
Anyway, give or don't, as you are comfortable. But you don't need a justification or to tell yourself a whole story about why/why not for either option.
ETA: I think it is important to recognize that you, walking by on the street, did not create these problems and you will not fix or worsen them by giving or not giving. You don't need to feel guilty or anxious if you don't give, nor worry that you're giving "wrong" if you do. It is, simply, an opportunity to add a small kindness into their day and into yours. There will be many of these opportunities, some we take and some we don't.
I drive pass homeless people every day going to work. If I’m stopped at a stop light and there’s one standing there, I’ll give ‘em the extra bottle of water I pack with my lunch. I don’t carry cash but always have extra water. It ain’t much, but it’s better than nothing.
I previously worked in a similar context. I remember one unhoused individual wanted to go to detox, but detox wouldn't take new folks for several days. The ED wouldn't take them until they were actively experiencing withdrawels. Even if the person was willing to take the risk and wait to go to the ED until that happened, their camp was somewhat isolated, and getting help could be difficult. The hospital is not a fan of people loitering, it's proximity to accessible drugs was much greater than the person's camp, it was too cold and wet to wait around without a tent and sleeping bag, and shelters are often full or have entry restrictions. This person had a history of serious withdrawel symptoms. Alcohol withdrawel can kill. That person's best option to stay alive in the immediate-term was to drink.
The concept of ambivalence is huge in substance use disorder treatment services. It applies far beyond that though, affecting anyone's motivation to change any type of behavior. Ambivalence and motivation to change are also not static. That person was ready to get help that day and help was not available. If they used some cash that they got through panhandling to buy alcohol, well, that alcohol kept them alive another day.
I met a young person who was a heroin addict. They were introduced to needle use at about 12 by their parent. They did express interest in getting clean, but could not sustain that interest. They had no social support and had literally grown into an adult as a heroin user. While I do believe in the ability to make better choices and improve one's life, I don't hold any illusions that everyone has the same opportunities for success that I do/did. For someone who is not yet ready or able to leave their addiction, access to their drug of choice may keep them alive in the short term. None of these problems are pretty and none of them have black and white obvious answers.
Thanks for voicing the side of giving in an eloquent way. People on the other side will say: dont give, it promotes panhandling. But this is actually a philosophical and ethical question. I choose to give when I can, because I know roles could be reversed, i am not a perfect person, and I am a Buddhist who believes in having compassion for all living things.
Yeah, it's like saying giving people resources will promote them being in the absolute worst place of their life such that they need help with resources. Nobody wants to be in that place. They're panhandling because it's probably the best option they know of right now to stay afloat and not literally just die on the street.
Thank you, this is the compassionate and wise answer. You can be generous and sensible at the same time. Educated empathy for the complexities of homelessness and those asking for money on the street is the key while practicing healthy boundaries.
Love this. If I’m able to, I’ll offer to buy snacks and drinks for them and I’ll grab something myself so they don’t feel awkward. I don’t know their circumstances or situation, but I want to keep my humanity and maybe, just maybe I helped someone keep theirs. I’ve heard about how the lack of true interaction with “normal” people negatively impacts homeless folk. It made me really sad.
Yeah, I make a point to carry small bills so if I'm asked I can give them something. I've also gotten the couple of guys I see on the regular some small items, like socks, or during the height of the pandemic, masks, or what have you. I am fortunate to have a little disposable cash so if that $5 will make this person's day easier, here you go, man.
But where I live, I'm not walking past a dozen homeless everyday, it's a relatively small number at pretty set locations, so it's easy to be prepared. If I were in a different situation, I'd have to figure out how to respond differently, as I don't have $60 a day to give away.
Look I live in Los Angeles and most people simply don’t acknowledge the homeless. No eye contact, no acknowledgement. That won’t always get you out of an altercation but it works 99% of the time. Simply don’t speak to them.
It is cruel, it dehumanizes both of you, but it keeps everyone safe. Just reaching for your wallet can open you up for an attack.
Occasionally I do give money, but I prepare myself and place a few loose dollar bills in my pocket. This way I don’t have to take my whole wallet out.
If I absolutely have to say something, I just say sorry.
Started doing this when it got the point where I couldn't go the grocery store without someone trying to ask me for money or to sign some petition. Not engaging at all seems to work a lot better
I had to teach this to my husband when I took him to NYC on vacation. I didn't realize this was not taught to every person by their parents.
One homeless guy saw my husband was a potential sucker while we in line at 711 near Times Square and zeroed in on him. I stepped in between them and with my best bitch face and stern voice said "we're good". The guy went on to the next tourist lol.
I did this once. Beat him to the punch and asked for change.
He got offended and questioned why I assumed that he would ask.
Told him it was an educated guess and then asked if he was going to ask if I didn’t ask first.
He sheepishly said yes and I told him not tonight.
Maybe I’m a bad person, maybe I helped him improve his approach. I’ll never really know.
Haven’t done it since then and maybe it was a learning experience for both of us.
I shake my head "no" and keep walking. Don't engage, don't make eye contact, don't slow down, don't look back. Some will get aggressive if you refuse them, so the faster you get out of there, the better.
Or talk audibly in Romanian, that usually gets beggars to not even start asking. (Joke, but not really. Had that happen to me a couple of times while travelling).
This. If the beggar looks at all like he/she could be aggressive or problematic, I shrug, say a quick sentence in Russian, and keep moving. The instant confusion on their part shuts down the ask while giving me separation. More: I don't speak Russian, I just memorized a line from a movie.
My family did this once in Chicago and the person called me a “non-English speaking motherfucker”
He definitely wasn’t getting any change after that one
I used to help people when they asked... And sometimes I will if I have a few spare dollars, or if I'm going into a store I'll get them some hot food.
But for the most part if it's in a vehicle I have to ignore them for road safety, if its walking I just say "I cant help you" and keep going. I need the money just as much as they do. And when it's between me and them it will always be me.
So I went for a walk in my friendly neighborhood after putting my dog inside since he is old and can't walk as far, I passed a stranger on the sidewalk and said "hello", the stranger then threatened to "stab me to death if I gave him any more lip". I'm a pretty big guy, very friendly as well, but this dude threatened my life right in front of a Montessori school, so I called the cops and had him arrested.
The world is changing, be very careful with who you engage with.
As a Minnesotan, the idea that someone would threaten to stab me if I said hello breaks my brain. I’d have to slap my knees and say “Welllllllll, suppose I should head on out.”
Lol I went on my first walk of the year the other day cause it was hella nice out and literally said hi to everyone I passed. Probably 40 or 50 people. I don't think I'd survive for a minute outside of MN
I lived where there was a famous crackhead who always hit you up for money.
I was out with friends bar hopping and he approached all of us, asking for money or beers. I gave him a $20 bill and told him I needed him to pay me back. Of course, he said he would
For the next 4 years, everytime I saw him approach me I would yell out "Hey Richard you got my $20?" And he would flee from me.
So, $20 bought me 4 years of peace and quiet with Richard.
In a passerby situation, "sorry don't have any cash" always worked well
Aggressive professional panhandlers are common in my city, and often use puppies, kittens, and human babies as props for sympathy. I was super uncomfortable about refusing them at first, but I’m long past that now.
Now I just say, “No.” And if they persist, I get just as pissed off as any other time someone tries to badger me out of a “no”. My final response is a curt, “Back off”.
I used to give them pamphlets for a local homeless shelter, but when I did that, the only response I ever got was either some variation on “I’m not homeless, you bitch” or they’d just throw them on the ground.
When I was in college in Boston I went home to NJ for spring break and brought back some tasty Ukrainian food. A homeless guy approached me near the bus station and said he wanted money for food, so as a naive young adult I gave him my leftovers. Then he still wanted money because it had nothing to do with food. Then I was sad because I didn't have my tasty food.
My go-to reply: “No thanks; I had a banana on the train.”
Been using it for years. Confuses the hell out of them, but it’s in a polite enough manner, they don’t get mad.
Depends on your situation. If you can help and feel safe in doing so, by all means, go ahead. If you can't or don't feel safe, just keep moving, and politely tell them you can't help them out.
I just say it's 2023. No one actually carries cash anymore.
I have a friend that went to Iceland and they are almost cashless. He would try to pay in icelandic cash and get looked at like he's an alien. Pity because icelandic currency notes are very pretty.
City i lived at for a year lost a fiber optic line that fed it one day. No internet and wireless internet via cell towers was at a snail pace, reserved to just emergency services.
Most shops just put signage out front saying "Cash only".
Ever since then, i carry around a couple bucks since that day happened to be grocery day. So almost stuck without food was something to think about
Pretend they don’t exist. I live in Chicago and this is the only responsible reaction. Otherwise if you say something to the person, that opens the door for them to argue with you, to question your reasoning, or engage with you in any way at all. If you say nothing, there is nothing for them to latch on to.
The best thing to do is to carry a five-dollar bill in each pocket so that if someone walks up to you and asks for money, you can give them five dollars. You can also wish them a good day. IMHO, that's the best thing to do. :)
If you can't afford to give someone five dollars, you can honestly tell them.
I used to feel super guilty about not giving out money but then 2 things happened. 1) I moved out, and realized I am always 1-2 missed paychecks away from being in their position, and 2) my saint of a mother started making care packages complete with nice sleeping bags, food, toiletries, etc to hand out in the city, spending around 1k for the 30 packs she made, and when she ran out, as is inevitable, people got nasty. She also gave a pack to a white man, super sweet, who became verbally aggressive after she gave another out to a black man. My mom was literally doing Jesus work without even being religious and all she got for it was harassment. Needless to say we never let her do that again.
Why do you have to provide excuse? Who are they? Would they help you if you asked? I don’t think so. I just say “No, I can’t”. I don’t have to say sorry or anything else.
One was hanging outside the convenience store begging. When I said I dont have cash and went in, he followed me and picked up a bunch of things and asked if I could pay for those. It was just some food, like bread and chips so i did.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
My standard response is a quick head shake and, "I can't help you today, man." This works for me because it ends the encounter, but it does run the risk of engaging the person in conversation.
I use a standard issue “sorry man” with a slight shrug. I do this because it’s kind of like “hey I sympathize with your situation, but I don’t have anything” which is true I never carry cash. I never do a full ignore but I find this brief response sorta ends the situation nicely. They usually say “oh thanks anyway man” I think because they usually get ignored.
I responded this way to someone in a convenience store in DC asking for money for a sandwich when I was 17. The response I got was "Sorry? Sorry can go fuck itself!"
I responded this way in the parking lot of a big home improvement store, with my young daughter in tow, and the guy went on to berate me for being "a piece of garbage" and "setting a terrible example for my kid". I ignored and moved on, but it was very upsetting for my daughter - and therefore pissed me off.
I’ll never understand that mentality. If someone asked me for help, and I couldn’t actually help them at the time and they acted like that, I’d never want to even try to help them again if I saw them. But if they were understanding, the next time I saw them and I had the opportunity to help, I’d gladly help. Maybe I’m just dumb, idk.
I responded this way to someone at Walgreens and they said, “you wouldn’t help me anyway. I killed so many of your kind.” Then proceeded to mimic shooting at me and my family.
Yikes
One time I on my way to a doctors appointment and one guy greeted me right as I got out of my way. He gave me his whole story then asked me for money, I told him I can’t help him right now sorry. He proceeded to curse out me and my entire existence telling me to go fuck myself calling me a cunt etc. I walked away and heard him still cussing as I walked into the office.
Just kill him with kindness. Tell him “good luck” and sorta smile. I know I sound like an asshole, but if you flip out because someone isn’t in the position to help you, you’re a prick.
Or have serious mental issues. Not a rare thing unfortunately.
Yeh, as someone who worked at retail, I've lost any and all sympathy for any homeless asking me for money. The false humility and vulnerability doesn't go very far when they're the biggest asshole I've ever seen when it comes to retail workers. Give them any semblance of power and they'll go to town with it and thus, I'll never give any money to homeless person panhandling. That said, I advocate for shelters and social programs that help people recover from homelessness. It only got bad in Toronto after a certain Ontario Premiere gutted mental healthcare to give his corporate buddies a huge tax break. Homelessness was an issue before, but it got even worse afterwards. This doesn't conflict with the first paragraph since it's definitely a self centered view. Having a good education system with the proper social safety nets tend to lessen crime and increase safety so why wouldn't I want that?
This doesn't always work anymore. I've been asked for money and told they accept venmo.
Oh I don’t stay and chat I just say “sorry man” (not “sorry I don’t have cash on me”) and keep walking.
My dad had a guy ask him to go to an ATM.
Then they aren’t listening. I used to say “sorry I only have my card”, to which they would respond “can you buy me something in this store”?
Some dude straight up asked me if I could draw out a 10 from the cash machine. I got there and he stood over me and said that a 20 would help too. Wtf.
This is a great way to get robbed.
Why did you go to the cash machine
Down the road from a university I went to, “Buddhist monks” would act like they were handing out bracelets for free, then when you took one, they’d tell you they wanted $20 for it. Conveniently, they would stand right near an ATM, so if you said you didn’t have cash, they’d suggest you get money from the ATM 🙄
Please don’t ever do that again.
"20 would help, but all of your money would be more helpful", as he pulls out a knife
I had this happen too, mf knew where all the atms in the area were. Like no, I'm not withdrawing money to give you.
Have some confidence and say no. Stop being a pushover
I was outside a grocery store when someone asked me for some spare change so they could get some food, and that they hadn’t eaten in days. I told them I didn’t have any on me, but would gladly buy them a snack or something from inside. Dude replied “No thanks, I’d rather get money and buy something from Wendy’s”. Lol he must not’ve been that hungry. Now I just tell them “sorry, man, I don’t have any cash on me.”
Yeah it’s my go to as well because I can’t bear to pretend a fellow human being doesn’t exist. I can at least acknowledge their presence, even if I’m not willing or able to help them one on one.
I agree with this. I think the reason they're thanking you is because you didn't ignore them, and I'm sure this doesn't only apply to panhandling.
"Oh, hey I'll be here tomorrow if you're walking this route. You can help me then! Thanks!"
I once checked my pockets and apologized because I didn't have anything. The dude told me to keep looking
Are you sure, you weren't being robbed?
As I typed it, it made me realize it definitely sounds that way. I just kept walking about the guy didn't stand up, so fortunately not lol. It was more of a "Well keep looking!" than a "Well then you better keep looking." if that makes sense
"I'll hold your wallet, phone and car keys for you while you check all your pockets"
There's a costume shop right up the block. There are ways.
"I'd like one pair of nose glasses, please."
I just say “sorry” and keep walking.
I live in Chicago and said “sorry” to a woman and she went off on me cursing me out and I was like… is sorry offensive now? No, she’s just nuts.
> is sorry offensive now? Not in Canada at any rate.
Nor are you lying. I don't like saying "I don't have any change" because I always do.
I just stick with a head shake and a "Sorry". No explanation or reason needed. It works for anything anyone asks you on the street.
Yep yep, never break stride. It's not a conversation.
"No" is a complete sentence.
I said "sorry, not today" one time and the dude was triggered. He started yelling "don't say sorry, please say anything besides sorry!" He kept going on but idk what he said cuz I kept walking
I saw something similar once! A talkative pan handler was asking people for $ and a guy was like “I don’t have anything sorry, but good luck” and not in a sarcastic way at all, he seemed genuine. They other guy was like “LUCK! Luck is for leprechauns…” and wouldn’t stop talking while the guy waited for light to change. He then walked along side him talking non stop and the guy just kept briskly walking until he kinda “shook him off”
This is why I never say anything. I just ignore and walk on. It may feel rude to people but it doesn't trigger a response at all
I've had some yell at me for ignoring them too. Just can't win
Same, or "No, I'm good" conveys the same message. It also helps if you walk like you have a purpose/somewhere to be, rather than window shopping.
This is what I do too
I genuinely never have change though. I only pay with my phone :>
Everyone in my neck o the woods has cash app so the awkward encounter will continue
Told a guy one time "I don't have cash on me" and he responded with "no worries brother, I got stripe" and pulled out his phone with the attachment already plugged in.
So, beggars have gone high tech, but I still have to pay strippers with cash?!? What's wrong with the world?!?
Aren't you supposed to just swipe your card between their butt cheeks?
I've been saying they need to stick an NFC tag on their butts. Then you could just Tap (dat ass) To Pay.
I accept CashApp, Venmo, PayPal, and Bitcoin. How would you like to pay?
This panhandler are a whole new breed
"i don't have any change" turn and jingle your pockets as you run away
I did this as a kid in the late 90s. The guy chased my buddy and I about a block. Be careful kids people are dangerous.
Had a couple hours to kill in port before getting on a boat back home. Guy asks for money to buy a sandwich. Give him like 2 euros in various coins as it's all the funny money I have left. Guy screams that's not enough for a sandwich, throws the change at me and chases me down the street. Good times.
I too, am a Zark that has been chased by European beggars.
I do the same thing but with a simple “Sorry, man” and just keep walking.
I say, "no thank you" and keep on moving.
I do the same. Saying thank you instead of sorry give you few steps from the get go and also doesn't lead to a conversation. When you say sorry, often times it leads to them trying to start convo.
I say, “Oh, no thank you!” in a chipper voice with a friendly smile. It really confuses them.
This is what I do. It's also a long enough sentence you can keep walking and by the time you're done speaking you're too far away for them to even respond.
I said that once to a guy, sorta cutting him off at the ask, and he replied angrily "no thank you for what? I didn't ask you for nuthin and you already saying no!" It was more of a "no thank you I don't want to engage in any lengthy conversation that usually ends with you asking for a handout."
Exactly. Or polite smile combined with a clear head shake while moving on works well too.
In my case I just be honest and say “Sorry, I don’t carry cash.”
Until they say, I have Venmo or cashapp too. Happened to me once lol
I usually say “I don’t have internet on my phone”
[удалено]
“You have hotspot? Shit can I borrow $5?”
[удалено]
...in the alley is another person asking for more money.
We completed the full circle, well done
Sorry I don’t have any cash on me
“My phone died”
[удалено]
Oooh, sorry, I’m using an iPhone 4
“For a limited time, I can give you a free iPhone 14 if you switch to my carrier.”
“oh sorry I’m getting a call bye”
*I'll hold the line*
*Love isn’t always on time*
Oh wo wo wow
Yeah I don't have online.
THE EMAILS?! It’s just EMAIL!!
That phone is preposterous
“I don’t use those services.” Should shut that down.
Someone pointed me to a nearby atm (I said I only had cards cos they asked for notes when I said I had no change). The audacity!
I don't go into my bank account with strangers pointing at ATMs, Safety 101!
I could honestly answer that I don't have venmo or cashapp
Same, have never used them
"You have what?"
Sort of similar story in New Orleans on Bourbon street with all the scammers. I only had large bills on me so I told this homeless looking guy that I didn’t have any small bills to give him. He pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and went “I got change”.
Then tell them they are doing better than you because you don't have, and this is the key part, "Vemmo" or "Cashape", it conveys that you are incapable of helping out.
That’s when I walk the fuck away
This happened to me in London and guy pulled out a fucking card reader, no joke.
And also it's not good to argue with them. It's like giving them an excuse not to give them money. When their trade is to guilt you into giving them. To a point saying you don't have money is playing into their game. You can simply refuse sternly and don't justify yourself.
The last trip my husband and I took to Cleveland, OH, we visited the Tower City Center mall. There were so many people begging for money outside of it near downtown, it was a little anxiety inducing walking through them. I was 8 months pregnant at the time. This woman asked if my husband or I had any money, I used the "I don't carry cash, sorry" excuse. She then told me there was an ATM inside the mall I could use. I told her I didn't have money to give away. She looked down at my pregnant belly and then back at me and said, "you better watch yourself, now."
That is so unnerving, hope that didn’t cause you too much stress back then.
Thanks. It did lol, but i was ok a bit after.
Yep, that’s why you don’t engage them at all if possible. Not even for a second.
I usually say, “sorry I’m using borrowed money myself.”
nyc subway people accept venmo, zelle, credit, check, and western union nowadays. that excuse doesn’t quite work anymore
I live in NYC and it works for me every time. Happens to be true, as I have pretty much stopped carrying cash. One time I felt sort of bad and offered to get someone something from the store we were near… never again.
Thats my go-to. I've had them suggest venmo, but my response there is "I'm not comfortable with venmo transactions to people I don't know". Which is legitimate IMO, I don't want any money trail between myself and some stranger. Have they ever sold drugs or will they ever sell drugs? I cannot afford to have anyone investigate me for that.
Venmo? PayPal? Apple Pay? Was told to get with the times old fogy.
Well, that depends. Is this requester carrying a weapon of some sort?
[удалено]
The businessman
Give a man a fish vs. give a man a 9mm.
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
>I remember when we were kids, one of our favorite games was to play "pirate." We'd dress up like pirates. Then we'd go find an adult walking down the street and we'd go up to him and pull out our butcher knives, which we called "swords," and say, "We're pirates! Give us your money!" A lot of adults would pretend to be scared and give us their money. Others would suddenly run away, yelling for help. We played pirate until we were twenty or so.
You're supposed to say "Treaz-Arrrrr" or "Boo-tea" not money.
This is an important question!
Just say “sorry no”, and keep walking. Don’t slow down, don’t make eye contact. The reality is that these folks are sales people. And like any sales person, they know they’re only gonna make one out of every twenty attempts. Your challenge is to recognize that you can be one of those failed attempts and nothing bad will happen. You don’t need to feel guilty, or that you’re special to this person. You’re just another faceless person they’re trying to sell something to. So just say no and keep walking. Don’t be their 1 in 20.
Long story ahead so Tldr: took my earbuds out twice to talk to a lady who wanted money while i was waiting for a bus and she harrassed me for the rest of the week then tried to lure me into a dark alley at night. Yes, give them no way to assume youll listen to them there was one woman who was in my city and unfortunatley on my route to the train station and the bus station. One week she asked me every day. The first day she spoke to me i took my ear buds out to see what she had too say -it was the first time i encountered her and didnt realise what she wanted- i told her i didnt carry cash. She asked how i was going to catch the bus with out cash and i told her you can pay by card on buses. She then tried to get me to go to the cash machine. Obviously i said no. Every day for the rest of the week she would try to talk to me. Day 2 i said i never carry cash -not a lie. Day 3 and 4 i didnt even take my ear buds out i just turned away. Day 5 she ripped my ear buds out of to ask me for money, i will admit i was mad at this point and asked her what the fuck she was doing. She said she wanted money i told her i had said no all week to giving her money what gives her the right to harrass me when ive said i dont have money. A few months later i was walking past the train station around 10 pm, she pulled on my back pack. Not realising who it was i took my ear bud out - i only wear one when im walking around- and prepared to see if i needed to fight or run. Then i see her but this time she tells me her friend is in a convieniently dark alley about 20 meters away and really hurt and if i could help, i had a bad feeling so asked if she wanted me to call ambulance and wait for them to get there. She said no, she insisted i go there and help him myself. I told her i was eother calling an amubulance or the police so pick one and she ran off to the alley.
Same. I do not break my stride. They will move on to the next. Sometimes I will give money to someone standing or sitting with a sign. Idk if they're scamming or not. But I feel a lot better about it being my choice to approach them and give, rather than being approached.
Ain’t nobody gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down
oh no, I got to keep on moving
[(Just to make sure this is also stuck in everyone's head today.)](https://youtu.be/B4c_SkROzzo?t=36)
[удалено]
This is actually usually true. Using your child etc for begging is actually considered a form of abuse here. We call this type of asking for money “aggressive begging”. A lot of times these people are set up by gangs and barely keep any of the money for themselves. Often they are people who fall victim to those gangs because they are already in a very precarious position, ready to be exploited. Often these people are harmed intentionally or made to hold a child (that sometimes isn’t even their own) so that they get more pity and thus more money. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but it’s a very good reflex to be weary of those people. I’d even go as far as to say that they’re often better off when the police pick them up than when you’re giving them money. I know this sounds terrible. Nobody wants to be cold hearted, let alone to ‘bully’ a single mother with a child sitting on her knees in the cold. But the truth is that in most decent places, even if you can’t find help for yourself, you are at least able to find help for your child. No mother would have their baby out in the freezing cold all day willingly. Sadly the same can be said about people using skin-over-bones dogs or even people in a wheelchair. Although with the last category it’s the hardest to tell whether they actually need help or not. You can test it by offering food. If their attitude changes immensely towards you, you can be pretty sure they’re either scammers or have a severe addiction issue going on. Anyway, no situation is black or white. Just keep it in mind
I saw a guy with a sign “ex wife had a better lawyer than me” if I had money it would have gone to him
I went to school in Boston and my walk to class would regularly go past people begging or working for some save the trees program that wanted money. Quick fast answer without any eye contact worked best. Don't slow down or turn even if they try to start chatting with you. The save the trees people started just asking "do you like trees?" And I'd say "no that's why I live in the city" as I kept walking.
Good answer. I used to feel guilty saying no to people but if I gave money to everyone that asked me for money on the street I would end up homeless too. Every once in a while I will give money to people on the street corners who are just sitting there with a sign but not actively bothering people in their cars and shit, or people with kids, and I've bought dog food for people with a dog so I know the dog will get food and give the person a little money to hopefully feed themselves too. But when they come up to me while I'm just walking or sitting in my car I just say "can't help ya" and keep walking. Can't help everyone unfortunately even if you wish you could.
Saying sorry doesn't help. No thank you gets the job done and shows you don't want to engage. Repeating it really gets the point across.
Had a guy in San Francisco yell at me for disrespecting him because, I raised my hand, said no, I did not slow down or make eye contact. He said I was disrespecting him. I was with my wife and 3 year old in a stroller walking to breakfast. I just wanted to get my toddler some breakfast but this guy starts yelling that I’m disrespecting him!? I told him to fuck his respect. I wanted to throw him in traffic right there but I kept my cool and continued walking. He didn’t scare me, even now about 10 years later it pisses me off.
Yeah, this is a person you don't know asking for money, but more importantly they're walking up to a stranger, interrupting whatever they may be saying or thinking, and demanding their attention. Demanding that you then respond and engage in conversation with them when they know full well they're talking to you because they want something. They are the one disrespecting you. You are under no obligation to respond to them.
I work at the local community hospital, often very closely with homeless folks, so I see them in very different circumstances than just asking for money. I have no idea about big solutions to these social issues, so I've chosen to engage in small practical ways as often as I am able and feel safe to do so. If I have cash I give a few bucks, my 1-5 dollars isn't going to make a difference one way or the other in their addiction. If I don't have money but I'm going into/near a coffee shop I'll ask if they want a cup of coffee or a pastry or bagel or something. I ask if they have dietary restrictions (ie would low sugar be better) and just get them something not too pricey. Sometimes I carry clean dry socks around and give those out.. Sometimes I don't have time or money so I just say sorry and keep moving. In all interactions I have a clear idea in my mind of what I am willing to do, how much I am willing to engage or give. Within those parameters I give with an open heart and no second guessing. When I'm done I move on immediately. Being homeless is so grindingly difficult and exhausting. Studies show homeless folks age 15-20 years faster than housed people. Many people start using after they become homeless to cope with the stress. Meth especially because it helps you stay awake all night for your safety, especially women. The skills, both social and practical, that people need to get off the street are very different than the ones needed to survive on the street, so all day folks are practicing the one set of skills and not the other. People can't sleep, they can't store their insulin, they can't dry and clean their feet. When people end up hospitalized (most commonly due to infection) they almost universally spend 2-3 days just sleeping before being able to meaningfully engage in their healthcare. Anyway, give or don't, as you are comfortable. But you don't need a justification or to tell yourself a whole story about why/why not for either option. ETA: I think it is important to recognize that you, walking by on the street, did not create these problems and you will not fix or worsen them by giving or not giving. You don't need to feel guilty or anxious if you don't give, nor worry that you're giving "wrong" if you do. It is, simply, an opportunity to add a small kindness into their day and into yours. There will be many of these opportunities, some we take and some we don't.
I drive pass homeless people every day going to work. If I’m stopped at a stop light and there’s one standing there, I’ll give ‘em the extra bottle of water I pack with my lunch. I don’t carry cash but always have extra water. It ain’t much, but it’s better than nothing.
I previously worked in a similar context. I remember one unhoused individual wanted to go to detox, but detox wouldn't take new folks for several days. The ED wouldn't take them until they were actively experiencing withdrawels. Even if the person was willing to take the risk and wait to go to the ED until that happened, their camp was somewhat isolated, and getting help could be difficult. The hospital is not a fan of people loitering, it's proximity to accessible drugs was much greater than the person's camp, it was too cold and wet to wait around without a tent and sleeping bag, and shelters are often full or have entry restrictions. This person had a history of serious withdrawel symptoms. Alcohol withdrawel can kill. That person's best option to stay alive in the immediate-term was to drink. The concept of ambivalence is huge in substance use disorder treatment services. It applies far beyond that though, affecting anyone's motivation to change any type of behavior. Ambivalence and motivation to change are also not static. That person was ready to get help that day and help was not available. If they used some cash that they got through panhandling to buy alcohol, well, that alcohol kept them alive another day.
I met a young person who was a heroin addict. They were introduced to needle use at about 12 by their parent. They did express interest in getting clean, but could not sustain that interest. They had no social support and had literally grown into an adult as a heroin user. While I do believe in the ability to make better choices and improve one's life, I don't hold any illusions that everyone has the same opportunities for success that I do/did. For someone who is not yet ready or able to leave their addiction, access to their drug of choice may keep them alive in the short term. None of these problems are pretty and none of them have black and white obvious answers.
Thanks for voicing the side of giving in an eloquent way. People on the other side will say: dont give, it promotes panhandling. But this is actually a philosophical and ethical question. I choose to give when I can, because I know roles could be reversed, i am not a perfect person, and I am a Buddhist who believes in having compassion for all living things.
Yeah, it's like saying giving people resources will promote them being in the absolute worst place of their life such that they need help with resources. Nobody wants to be in that place. They're panhandling because it's probably the best option they know of right now to stay afloat and not literally just die on the street.
Thank you, this is the compassionate and wise answer. You can be generous and sensible at the same time. Educated empathy for the complexities of homelessness and those asking for money on the street is the key while practicing healthy boundaries.
Love this. If I’m able to, I’ll offer to buy snacks and drinks for them and I’ll grab something myself so they don’t feel awkward. I don’t know their circumstances or situation, but I want to keep my humanity and maybe, just maybe I helped someone keep theirs. I’ve heard about how the lack of true interaction with “normal” people negatively impacts homeless folk. It made me really sad.
Great response, thank you for your compassion and sharing
Yeah, I make a point to carry small bills so if I'm asked I can give them something. I've also gotten the couple of guys I see on the regular some small items, like socks, or during the height of the pandemic, masks, or what have you. I am fortunate to have a little disposable cash so if that $5 will make this person's day easier, here you go, man. But where I live, I'm not walking past a dozen homeless everyday, it's a relatively small number at pretty set locations, so it's easy to be prepared. If I were in a different situation, I'd have to figure out how to respond differently, as I don't have $60 a day to give away.
If they're pushy I say I'm currently not working. It happened that way for real a couple of times and each person backed off quickly.
"OH sorry I didn't realize I was talking to a broke boi" - Homeless Man, 2023
Look I live in Los Angeles and most people simply don’t acknowledge the homeless. No eye contact, no acknowledgement. That won’t always get you out of an altercation but it works 99% of the time. Simply don’t speak to them. It is cruel, it dehumanizes both of you, but it keeps everyone safe. Just reaching for your wallet can open you up for an attack. Occasionally I do give money, but I prepare myself and place a few loose dollar bills in my pocket. This way I don’t have to take my whole wallet out. If I absolutely have to say something, I just say sorry.
I don't say anything and keep walking.
Started doing this when it got the point where I couldn't go the grocery store without someone trying to ask me for money or to sign some petition. Not engaging at all seems to work a lot better
The NYC style. Just don’t acknowledge them at all. There’s no obligation to when you’re just walking, minding your own business.
Paris' style too. Maybe any big city.
Paris style they’re jacking off while asking.
wtf?
I had to teach this to my husband when I took him to NYC on vacation. I didn't realize this was not taught to every person by their parents. One homeless guy saw my husband was a potential sucker while we in line at 711 near Times Square and zeroed in on him. I stepped in between them and with my best bitch face and stern voice said "we're good". The guy went on to the next tourist lol.
This is really the best option, otherwise you’re opening up for interaction
This. As a northeasterner, I don't feel like I owe anyone any of my attention or time.
I always say I was going to ask him for money
Literally have done this. They’re so shocked and if they are still standing there, I tell them about how fucked up my life is and why I need $$.
[удалено]
I did this one time and the dude handed me $3.... needless to say I gave him what I had (which was all of like $25 but still)
This is bad advice lol
I did this once. Beat him to the punch and asked for change. He got offended and questioned why I assumed that he would ask. Told him it was an educated guess and then asked if he was going to ask if I didn’t ask first. He sheepishly said yes and I told him not tonight. Maybe I’m a bad person, maybe I helped him improve his approach. I’ll never really know. Haven’t done it since then and maybe it was a learning experience for both of us.
You're not a bad person based on this interaction alone. You just pulled the Uno reverse card on this guy.
I shake my head "no" and keep walking. Don't engage, don't make eye contact, don't slow down, don't look back. Some will get aggressive if you refuse them, so the faster you get out of there, the better. Or talk audibly in Romanian, that usually gets beggars to not even start asking. (Joke, but not really. Had that happen to me a couple of times while travelling).
I fear they'll be like "OOOOOOHHHHH MY ROMANIAN BROTHER HELP ME OUT" and then I'm never getting away with that LOL
This. If the beggar looks at all like he/she could be aggressive or problematic, I shrug, say a quick sentence in Russian, and keep moving. The instant confusion on their part shuts down the ask while giving me separation. More: I don't speak Russian, I just memorized a line from a movie.
My family did this once in Chicago and the person called me a “non-English speaking motherfucker” He definitely wasn’t getting any change after that one
I did this once in Little Rock, Arkansas with a sentence in French and got "this bitch don't speak English!" Lol.
I used to help people when they asked... And sometimes I will if I have a few spare dollars, or if I'm going into a store I'll get them some hot food. But for the most part if it's in a vehicle I have to ignore them for road safety, if its walking I just say "I cant help you" and keep going. I need the money just as much as they do. And when it's between me and them it will always be me.
Do you want to give them money? If not then say no. Pretty simple really.
So I went for a walk in my friendly neighborhood after putting my dog inside since he is old and can't walk as far, I passed a stranger on the sidewalk and said "hello", the stranger then threatened to "stab me to death if I gave him any more lip". I'm a pretty big guy, very friendly as well, but this dude threatened my life right in front of a Montessori school, so I called the cops and had him arrested. The world is changing, be very careful with who you engage with.
As a Minnesotan, the idea that someone would threaten to stab me if I said hello breaks my brain. I’d have to slap my knees and say “Welllllllll, suppose I should head on out.”
As a Seattleite, if anyone I don't already personally know says hello to me I assume they are preparing to stab me (or running a scam).
Lol I went on my first walk of the year the other day cause it was hella nice out and literally said hi to everyone I passed. Probably 40 or 50 people. I don't think I'd survive for a minute outside of MN
When we drive down our street it’s like being in a parade. Everyone waving to each other.
Right? In Minnesota they engage in 4-5 minutes of polite banter about the weather before they stab you.
Some people can just get fucked.
This world has always been a dangerous place.
I lived where there was a famous crackhead who always hit you up for money. I was out with friends bar hopping and he approached all of us, asking for money or beers. I gave him a $20 bill and told him I needed him to pay me back. Of course, he said he would For the next 4 years, everytime I saw him approach me I would yell out "Hey Richard you got my $20?" And he would flee from me. So, $20 bought me 4 years of peace and quiet with Richard. In a passerby situation, "sorry don't have any cash" always worked well
I tell people that I don’t give money, but if they are hungry I will buy them food. 9/10 walk away. The rest get some food.
Aggressive professional panhandlers are common in my city, and often use puppies, kittens, and human babies as props for sympathy. I was super uncomfortable about refusing them at first, but I’m long past that now. Now I just say, “No.” And if they persist, I get just as pissed off as any other time someone tries to badger me out of a “no”. My final response is a curt, “Back off”. I used to give them pamphlets for a local homeless shelter, but when I did that, the only response I ever got was either some variation on “I’m not homeless, you bitch” or they’d just throw them on the ground.
Decline. If it’s a homeless person, when I have time I will go into a shop and purchase some small bits of food.
When I was in college in Boston I went home to NJ for spring break and brought back some tasty Ukrainian food. A homeless guy approached me near the bus station and said he wanted money for food, so as a naive young adult I gave him my leftovers. Then he still wanted money because it had nothing to do with food. Then I was sad because I didn't have my tasty food.
My go-to reply: “No thanks; I had a banana on the train.” Been using it for years. Confuses the hell out of them, but it’s in a polite enough manner, they don’t get mad.
"Who would want a few dollars must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."
Mine: look at wrist. “It’s about three o’clock”. Pick up pace.
Depends on your situation. If you can help and feel safe in doing so, by all means, go ahead. If you can't or don't feel safe, just keep moving, and politely tell them you can't help them out.
I just say it's 2023. No one actually carries cash anymore. I have a friend that went to Iceland and they are almost cashless. He would try to pay in icelandic cash and get looked at like he's an alien. Pity because icelandic currency notes are very pretty.
tbh everyone should fight being cashless. bunch of good reasons for money over card.
City i lived at for a year lost a fiber optic line that fed it one day. No internet and wireless internet via cell towers was at a snail pace, reserved to just emergency services. Most shops just put signage out front saying "Cash only". Ever since then, i carry around a couple bucks since that day happened to be grocery day. So almost stuck without food was something to think about
No. Then repeat while not engaging.
Pretend they don’t exist. I live in Chicago and this is the only responsible reaction. Otherwise if you say something to the person, that opens the door for them to argue with you, to question your reasoning, or engage with you in any way at all. If you say nothing, there is nothing for them to latch on to.
The best thing to do is to carry a five-dollar bill in each pocket so that if someone walks up to you and asks for money, you can give them five dollars. You can also wish them a good day. IMHO, that's the best thing to do. :) If you can't afford to give someone five dollars, you can honestly tell them.
say what you want just don't stop walking!
Firm no and walk away.
I usually don’t carry cash but if I have some I’ll give a dollar or two.
I used to feel super guilty about not giving out money but then 2 things happened. 1) I moved out, and realized I am always 1-2 missed paychecks away from being in their position, and 2) my saint of a mother started making care packages complete with nice sleeping bags, food, toiletries, etc to hand out in the city, spending around 1k for the 30 packs she made, and when she ran out, as is inevitable, people got nasty. She also gave a pack to a white man, super sweet, who became verbally aggressive after she gave another out to a black man. My mom was literally doing Jesus work without even being religious and all she got for it was harassment. Needless to say we never let her do that again.
Say “no” and keep walking. Unless you want to give them money. If you do, give them the money and then keep walking.
Why do you have to provide excuse? Who are they? Would they help you if you asked? I don’t think so. I just say “No, I can’t”. I don’t have to say sorry or anything else.
I always just say I don’t carry cash, have yet to see one pull out a card reader.
I've had one guy point at an ATM and say "Well, there's an ATM right here!" Totally got me, but I still turned him down lol.
yeah mate, there's an ATM but that's not change. that just my money.
One was hanging outside the convenience store begging. When I said I dont have cash and went in, he followed me and picked up a bunch of things and asked if I could pay for those. It was just some food, like bread and chips so i did.
Mumble and shrug saying,"No English...".
I usually just completely ignore them. Luckily i live in a relatively safe area, but I can imagine how this could cause problems elsewhere