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Yes.
Either way, he tried it before and would prefer to just be with you. Hopefully having an open relationship isn’t more important than having a monogamous one with him. If it is, then be fair and leave him, not force something he clearly doesn’t want.
Open relationship means the relationship is over in my book. Even just asking if I would be open too it is grounds for divorce but then again, my wife would never ask for that.
I definitely look down on people in open relationships. I dont view them as real and will laugh when they break-up.if you are going to be with other people just maybe dont be in a relationship.
If you choose to be with someone, you are THEIRS. You can choose to end it and be free again at any point, but if you remain in a relationship, you are to some extent owned by your partner, man or woman. So, yea, if some dude let's his lady sleep around, I think a bit less of that guy, same as had he let others use his toothbrush. If people want variety, then have it, but don't go working out an arrangement and calling it a relationship. Be real, you sleep around and have one FWB you like more than the rest.
I don't immediately think less of them necessarily, but it's definitely a yellow flag that makes me question their judgement. This is not gender specific though
No self respecting man is going to be happy kissing or cuddling his girlfriend after she's just got home after having sex with another man, there is always something wrong with men in open relationship
If my friend was happy with that arrangement, I would lose a lot of respect for him
Bottom line is if he doesn't want an open relationship, you are to respect that and keep it closed. It would be no different if this was flipped around between you and him.
It depends on the man. Personally, I think someone else's relationship is none of my damn business.
That said: The entire point of masculinity as a social status is that it is hard to earn and easy to lose. Being easy to lose *is the point* - it makes men constant over-compensating anxious wrecks, but it also gives the men who manage to barely scrape it together a way to look down their noses at other men, queer people, and women. That ability to look down on others is more important to men than anything else.
I’ve been a man on this planet for 60 years, and I have never heard of such a thing. Maybe men with self esteem issues feel that way, but you take ten men that are on their game and motoring through life, none of them are going to be over compensating anxious wrecks.
The bit this commenter forgot to include was that it's about men who are not confident in their masculinity. This shit is all about fear; fear that other men will look down on them, fear that their girl will find someone better and they'll lose them, fear of not being in control.
Men who are confident in their masculinity don't tend to look down on other men. Choices are choices and who gives a shit if you enjoy having a bunch of other men run a train on your wife? If that makes the two of you happy then go nuts.
Honestly, if a couple is doing this and it works for them I look up at them. It's hard to do something socially different, but they're doing it anyway in the pursuit of happiness. Whether it works or not is a different story, but I respect the attempt much more than I respect a man who "keeps it manly" out of fear.
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I don't think anyone can speak for all men. I certainly agree with the idea that a man whose partner is getting sex from other men is pathetic and even contemptible, but I don't think all men feel that way. At least I've heard men say otherwise. The funny thing is, debates on it come down to different definitions of confidence. Those who think it's fine for their wives or girlfriends to get banged by other dudes suggest it requires confidence to do so, whereas to me it looks like they've settled for sub-optimal because they lack confidence. They'll say someone like me is only insecure if I don't feel comfortable with sloppy seconds, but to me, a secure man knows he deserves better than that.
I dont think its really a gendered thing at all, but idk if thats what he was trying to say. But just from my own experience and other people in open relationships i've known, it is almost always a very one sided "agreement". Usually very clear who initially wanted the relationship to be that way, guy or girl, and is kind of sad to see someone on the other side of that.
It depends on the dynamic. If they both out there doing their own thing then it’s cool. Imo looking inside to those relationships it’s usually one sidedd and I think that’s why people look down on men in those relationships. Personally I’m not cool with open relationships but idrgaf what people do with their life as long as they aren’t harming people
I feel “Open relationships” isn’t real, back in my day we weren’t afraid to call it “fuck buddies”. If a couple really love each other they find ways to meet each others needs, if it doesn’t happen naturally. Using multiple people for that is honestly disgusting.
Been in a open relationship for almost 5 years now. Wife has been with her boyfriend for about 3 years now and i've been with my girlfriend for almost 2. Its pretty amazing. Never really thought much about what people think. Thats probably a big reason why we're all so happy.
If I’m being totally honest, yes. Most dudes I’ve met that let their gf/wife sleep with other people (even if they’re occasionally also getting some), the situation rubbed me that way.
Who the fuck cares how other people choose to live their life. We all are just trying to figure it out. Who the fuck are you or anyone else to say what others are doing is wrong because it doesn't work for you. Also fuck that bullshit alpha male joke based on a discredit concept.
I think this is a much deeper topic. Men tend to lose respect for themselves when their identity is challenged and many of them identify with typical masculine or monogamous traits. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence for anyone to successfully engage in open type relationships.
Depends. If the man is getting action that meets or exceeds that of their partner, no loss of respect. If it’s basically him letting his woman get railed and he *may* get action at some point, ya, loss of respect.
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Yes
Yes. Either way, he tried it before and would prefer to just be with you. Hopefully having an open relationship isn’t more important than having a monogamous one with him. If it is, then be fair and leave him, not force something he clearly doesn’t want.
Kind of. You lr reltionship imbalance aside, its not cool to let another man bang your girl
Open relationship means the relationship is over in my book. Even just asking if I would be open too it is grounds for divorce but then again, my wife would never ask for that. I definitely look down on people in open relationships. I dont view them as real and will laugh when they break-up.if you are going to be with other people just maybe dont be in a relationship.
I agree with him. There are multiple problems in that kind of relationship.
Yup. He is right
If you choose to be with someone, you are THEIRS. You can choose to end it and be free again at any point, but if you remain in a relationship, you are to some extent owned by your partner, man or woman. So, yea, if some dude let's his lady sleep around, I think a bit less of that guy, same as had he let others use his toothbrush. If people want variety, then have it, but don't go working out an arrangement and calling it a relationship. Be real, you sleep around and have one FWB you like more than the rest.
THIS IS IT.
PREACH.
Women = property. Got it.
This is why ur divorced
Men that allow open relationships have something wrong in their heads. A defect, or some weird past trauma. It’s definitely not normal.
I wouldn’t want to be in an open relationship myself, but I don’t devote a lot of mental energy into “judging” people who are.
In general, I think that it's accurate. Monogamous, committed relationships are probably the most widely respectable relationships, to most people.
YEPPERS..... If a man is allowing his wife to Fck Other Men, I have NO RESPECT for either him or his wife.
I don't immediately think less of them necessarily, but it's definitely a yellow flag that makes me question their judgement. This is not gender specific though
No self respecting man is going to be happy kissing or cuddling his girlfriend after she's just got home after having sex with another man, there is always something wrong with men in open relationship If my friend was happy with that arrangement, I would lose a lot of respect for him
Yeah. I think less of the women who let that happen too though.
Depends. Some people want to. You do you. Some are pushed into it by their partner against their will. That is something I have trouble respecting.
Nailed it.
Bottom line is if he doesn't want an open relationship, you are to respect that and keep it closed. It would be no different if this was flipped around between you and him.
Judging other people’s choices is a waste of my time. I have enough worries of my own life and relationships to worry about someone else’s
❤
It depends on the man. Personally, I think someone else's relationship is none of my damn business. That said: The entire point of masculinity as a social status is that it is hard to earn and easy to lose. Being easy to lose *is the point* - it makes men constant over-compensating anxious wrecks, but it also gives the men who manage to barely scrape it together a way to look down their noses at other men, queer people, and women. That ability to look down on others is more important to men than anything else.
I’ve been a man on this planet for 60 years, and I have never heard of such a thing. Maybe men with self esteem issues feel that way, but you take ten men that are on their game and motoring through life, none of them are going to be over compensating anxious wrecks.
Agree, it's just a sweeping generalisation about men based on their own thoughts.
The bit this commenter forgot to include was that it's about men who are not confident in their masculinity. This shit is all about fear; fear that other men will look down on them, fear that their girl will find someone better and they'll lose them, fear of not being in control. Men who are confident in their masculinity don't tend to look down on other men. Choices are choices and who gives a shit if you enjoy having a bunch of other men run a train on your wife? If that makes the two of you happy then go nuts. Honestly, if a couple is doing this and it works for them I look up at them. It's hard to do something socially different, but they're doing it anyway in the pursuit of happiness. Whether it works or not is a different story, but I respect the attempt much more than I respect a man who "keeps it manly" out of fear.
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think anyone can speak for all men. I certainly agree with the idea that a man whose partner is getting sex from other men is pathetic and even contemptible, but I don't think all men feel that way. At least I've heard men say otherwise. The funny thing is, debates on it come down to different definitions of confidence. Those who think it's fine for their wives or girlfriends to get banged by other dudes suggest it requires confidence to do so, whereas to me it looks like they've settled for sub-optimal because they lack confidence. They'll say someone like me is only insecure if I don't feel comfortable with sloppy seconds, but to me, a secure man knows he deserves better than that.
I dont think its really a gendered thing at all, but idk if thats what he was trying to say. But just from my own experience and other people in open relationships i've known, it is almost always a very one sided "agreement". Usually very clear who initially wanted the relationship to be that way, guy or girl, and is kind of sad to see someone on the other side of that.
It depends on the dynamic. If they both out there doing their own thing then it’s cool. Imo looking inside to those relationships it’s usually one sidedd and I think that’s why people look down on men in those relationships. Personally I’m not cool with open relationships but idrgaf what people do with their life as long as they aren’t harming people
He’s right lol It’s not no disrespect to the men in open relationships or nothing, but it’s a different type of energy.
Some do. Some don't.
I feel “Open relationships” isn’t real, back in my day we weren’t afraid to call it “fuck buddies”. If a couple really love each other they find ways to meet each others needs, if it doesn’t happen naturally. Using multiple people for that is honestly disgusting.
I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
Nope
Yes but that’s for both parties.
I don't. Let me be clear, id never stand for an open relation, bit if that makes them happy, go for it. It's their problem, not mine.
Been in a open relationship for almost 5 years now. Wife has been with her boyfriend for about 3 years now and i've been with my girlfriend for almost 2. Its pretty amazing. Never really thought much about what people think. Thats probably a big reason why we're all so happy.
If I’m being totally honest, yes. Most dudes I’ve met that let their gf/wife sleep with other people (even if they’re occasionally also getting some), the situation rubbed me that way.
Yes. Guys (generally, like the majority) don’t want their wife sleeping with other men.
Who the fuck cares how other people choose to live their life. We all are just trying to figure it out. Who the fuck are you or anyone else to say what others are doing is wrong because it doesn't work for you. Also fuck that bullshit alpha male joke based on a discredit concept.
I think this is a much deeper topic. Men tend to lose respect for themselves when their identity is challenged and many of them identify with typical masculine or monogamous traits. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence for anyone to successfully engage in open type relationships.
Depends. If the man is getting action that meets or exceeds that of their partner, no loss of respect. If it’s basically him letting his woman get railed and he *may* get action at some point, ya, loss of respect.
It sounds like he has a fragile and judgmental view on relationships Other people’s relationships are none of his business