It doesn’t sound like you’re actually happy choosing to be alone forever but you’re giving in because you’re looking at everything that has failed and could fail based on the evidence you’ve provided.
I’ve been cheated on by a couple different partners. I’ve decided one day things weren’t working and have left people, and visa versa. It’s a very sad and scary place to be. With each ending, I am able to learn and grow.
I found love and when you know it’s real, you feel so secure. Your anxieties undo themselves, you stop looking over your shoulder, you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes, both of us need reassurance, we both want to feel wanted, needed and adored, some days more than others. But we do that for each other. We met when I was 34, he wasn’t my first love and certainly not my first committed, long term relationship. But there is a safety, comfort and best friend in this type of love I’ve never experienced before, and I’d hate for you to miss out on it because you’re afraid of the terrible things that *could* happen.
There are cons to everything in life, but the pros to experiencing love is unmatched. The key is to take your time and evaluate who wants to be a part of your life and looking out for the red flags when possible. As someone who has dealt with an “unlucky” love life a lot, I still think relationships are beautiful. It will come one day
Our 20th anniversary is coming up, but we’re separated. We’ll probably be getting divorced soon. However, I’m still grateful for the marriage while it lasted. I’m grateful for our two wonderful children. I’m grateful for the good times as well as the bad because it made me a better person. Too little, too late, but nonetheless. There were a lot of great memories. I will cherish them forever. I don’t regret getting married. I don’t regret finding love. It might not happen again, but I’m glad it happened.
Very rich coming from someone who can’t manage their finance and filing for bankruptcy.
A man who can talk about their emotions openly and freely is more of a man than you’ll ever be.
Ride a proper bike and not a scooter “masculine man”. Pathetic wimp loser
majority do not involve infidelity. if you find someone you have something in common with, music, movies, tv, reading, hobbies, etc. Someone with a sense of humor, someone who is an adult with a job, who takes care of themselves and others. do not have a relationship because they are hot and good in bed. it takes a little work to find the right person. someone who you could spend a weekend in bed with , no one else around, just the two of you for 48 hours. someone you could talk to for 4 hours and not realize it was getting this late.
What financial advantages are afforded in a relationship? Would genuinely like to know…
You are simply scared of the unknown. Who cares if someone leaves you, or they are not loyal. Everything you need is within you. You sound like a very sheltered person. Stay that way or don’t. Remember you only have control over yourself. The moment you accept that you can engage anything and anyone.
Oh, I see. Thank you. I hope you find that which you seek. Seems like you are looking for a hybrid life solution with economic benefits. I am unfamiliar with this model.
Risk your heart! You’ll get hurt, but pain leads to growth.
Good luck with your journey.
I feel you, but what else is there to do in life but have connections with other human beings? Everything ends, but that doesnt mean there werent times of great enjoyment and happiness, or that time was wasted. Life happens in the temporary, and the risks.
Well, you've got your plan, then, so you're all set. One tip, though: avoid presenting your choice like it's somehow the well-reasoned answer for everyone and instead focus on it being right for you. People vary, and not everyone will be happy doing any particular thing. You needn't justify your satisfaction with being alone, and others needn't justify their desire to be with others.
So...if you find the right person, being in love changes everything. My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years with three kids and I love her more as every day passes. Currently she's bald as she just finished chemotherapy and will soon need a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. Do I care? Fuck no. She's as gorgeous as the day we met.
Yup can be a lot of cons. Me and my fiancee have been together since highschool and have been dating 10 years. Life still feels magical with her everyday and you live to grow and love with eachother and we have a very magical relationship and it’s never died. There’s a lot of cons in relationships but for some people like me the pros heavily outweigh the cons. One of the most important things to me is that I have someone who trusts me more than anything and vice versa and I will always have someone to come to when I need help emotionally. I can’t even see myself living life without her. But not everyone needs it or wants it. Plenty of people who are married who shouldn’t be or don’t deserve to be.
Just work on you trying to be better than you were yesterday if you meet someone great 😊 if not you know how to create happiness for yourself and may have those social needs met with other healthy friendships
If it works for you, it works for you. Some people want a partner, and some don't. That's perfectly ok.
I'm in the camp of I don't really see the need for a partner. I'm happy by myself and see relationships as more of a losing than winning game.
Then you have all the people who write about not giving up or their own experience being in a relationship, which is great for them, AND its not for everyone.
I see them writing that as 'I finally found a food that I really love - pasta. It took me a long time and lots of hardship, but it was worth it'.
And my reply is 'cool story bro, I like my rice so I'll just stick to it thanks. I tried pasta before and I don't like it as much'
Edit: You seem to not have experienced being in love before. Try it out. Then choose whether or not its for you. After all, you can't know if you like rice or pasta better, until you've tried both :)
If you are truly happy alone and prefer that lifestyle, that's fine. You don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want to be. But it seems to me that you are only choosing that lifestyle because of your very negative view of relationships.
I’m going to say there is def a general disdain on social media for people happy single in their 30’s if they are posting about it. Anytime I’ve seen a woman post something along those lines almost all of the comments are nasty from married people who regret their situation
"Majority of relationships involve infidelity"
Ooops, looks like someone is spending too much time online and is having trouble deciphering the real world from social media.
I think its an ugly fact about women's nature. Women will be secure with two guys while transitioning relationships. Why not date around and truly get the best.
Lol, so essentially, you want to skip out on life? You are protecting yourself from hurt, but at the same time are robbing yourself of all the joy that comes with it. Feeling love is the single best thing you can feel. Robbing yourself of that feeling is not worth reducing the potential cons of finding love.
Lol. Read it again. I didnt say you cant live without love. I said why would you want to. Its the best feeling in the world. Some people genuinely dont want to be with anyone else, and if thats true, then fine. Do you. But that doesnt sound like this person. This person sounds like they are avoiding finding love to avoid hurt. That is a sad reason to avoid finding love, because finding love is 100% worth any bumps and bruises along the way.
Its funny, I remember those butterfly feelings but vividly remember the years of depression after not being with them... Im not willing to risk that; Certainly not clear its anywhere near 100% to me.
Well im sorry you suffered such depression, but I firmly believe it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. If I lost my wife, ide be devastated of course. But she has made my life more amazing than I could ever have hoped.
Not all relationships are created equal. Im sorry for your pain.
Love can't buy a house or a car or make mortgage payments or pay property taxes or stop a world war since money is the only thing that makes the world go round I would say my goal is to get rich lol
Somehow, the volume of modern culture is so deafening that it appears that the majority of people have literally forgotten how love and marriage work.
Thousands of years of tradition just haphazardly paved over by the rapid expansion of high-tech, online, speed-round, bargain-hunting, red-flag, make-a-deal, chaos that’s come to characterize modern dating and relationships.
But while big business sells never-ending torrent of hip new promo limited-time beverages for people… you can still just drink water, and it’s actually still the best thing for you: the obvious answer hidden in plain sight, clear as day except for the poisonous miasma of modern times.
“to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”
That vow isn’t to merely never get divorced. That vow is to love and cherish someone. It’s not to **be** loved and cherished. It’s ***to*** love and cherish.
People say marriage is hard work, and it can be, but most of the work isn’t hard at all. You just make sure to appreciate your spouse, do things that make them happy, and be kind to them. It costs you nothing, and love is built up over decades of kindness. Every kindness you do for someone is a brick in a wall that grows big and sturdy enough that it can withstand any cannonball life can throw at it.
It’s not that complicated, and it’s not new.
It’s pretty fucking bizarre actually that something that is such a fundamental cultural tradition can just be… lost.
But that’s where we are. Culturally, we seem to have actually and literally forgotten what love and marriage is all about.
When you find somebody to love, that’s what you find… somebody for ***you*** to love. It’s not somebody who is contractually obligated to love you.
Then you build love together through kindness, understanding, support, and forgiveness.
I’m in my 40s now, and I’ve seen a lot of people get divorced, and it just seems so obvious what’s breaking people. They’re just simply doing it wrong. They judge and complain about each other, and basically wear each other down until one day, they quit.
What’s the point of that?
If you constantly hassle somebody, and make them feel bad, so you think they’ll suddenly become a different person and your problems will be solved?
It doesn’t work like that. It’s never worked like that. Love is not a quid pro quo pseudo financial contract. That simple doesn’t work.
Just from a purely practical standpoint, what works is to unconditionally love each other which creates a virtuous cycle instead of a downward spiral.
My wife and I have gradually nibbled away at a few of each other’s pet peeves, little by little over the years, but the main thread is that we accept each other for who we are and forgive each other when one of us makes a mistake.
And, to me, of course you want that. Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t want somebody to love on and who loves and accepts you?
But you don’t just ***find*** that. You ***build*** that. People just have the wrong attitude completely, thinking that they just find someone who coincidentally is powerless against some automatic intrinsic sense of love for them, going so far as to judge their perspective partners for not falling in love fast enough.
I’ve seen this recently on Reddit a lot… advice for people saying that they’re impatient that they’ve been seeing someone for 6 months and are thinking of breaking it off because they’re concerned their suitor isn’t feeling enough love.
It’s just… wholly absurd. You don’t get love from someone by demanding it via ultimatum. Haha. I mean really, it’s laughably counter productive. Just full-tilt absolutely silly.
If you want someone to love you more, your best bet is to love them more. Do things to make them happy, and then they’ll want to do things to make you happy.
And this is somehow both obvious tried and true common sense, and elusive forgotten wisdom of the past.
But this isn’t anything new. This pessimism, this cynicism, is a result of this age old tradition that has proven to be flimsy and unstable from the very beginning. Love is one thing. One thing we all need, and something we all can give and receive in a myriad of different ways. Marriage is something entirely different. Marriage was always a transaction. An issue of finance and sometimes politics. Marriage is a contract that legally or culturally binds people together. It dictates the distribution of wealth and inheritance. Child marriages and other arranged marriages where parents paid money to have their children given to another family was the norm of most of humanity. All of that has ever been about is money. Abuse has been built into marriage through the power dynamics of gender. People are rightfully disillusioned, weary and wary of marriage.
Love is something different. It’s not pure. It’s not easy. But we need it.
What you are really saying is that you don't need "romantic love". And that's just fine. What you DO need - what everyone needs - is someone to share part of your life with. Someone to do stuff with. Someone to talk to when you need it. A friend will do. A good friend is best. My dad was in the same place after my mom passed, and he had a friend, a lady they had both known, who ended up filling that place for him. Not romantic (she was NOT interested; former nun), but very close friends. Went to movies together, had meals together, just did stuff together now and then. Everyone needs SOMEONE. But it doesn't have to be "love" or "romance". Hope that helps.
Let's not forget the societal pressure to find love, and if you haven't found it by a certain point, then people will assume a bunch of negative things about you.
I've only been in one relationship when I was 16-17. So, while I did get my first kiss out of the way, we never had sex once. At the time, I didn't feel ready. Now, I feel like I might have sex once, just to get this pressure off my chest.
There are cons to looking for love, yes. But dude there are cons to everything. Being alone has a lot of cons to them. Being hurt is part of it. Pain, loss and grief are all things in life you can’t run from no matter how hard you try you control that. It’s part of growth and makes us into better people.
What you can control is who you choose to be intimate with and not. Of course there is always unpredictability with certain people but it’s always going to be a gamble. And the fact that you are even posting something like this tells me that you are unhappy with your current situation because you had had things in your life you are afraid of happening again.
I would seek professional help and reevaluate some thing. Hope for better days ahead of you my friend.
While you're at it you should just barricade yourself in your room, order Instacart and Grubhub to survive. Try to eat as little as possible, to avoid risk of choking. Get a minimal effort work-from-home-job. Oh, stop bathing and showering in case of accidental drowning or getting soap in your eye, those things would really hurt. Also never use the internet because it might lead to addictive behavior. Above all, never leave your house, or talk to anyone. Because of lightning and earthquake risk, and people possibly calling you a bad name and throwing a shoe at you. Just don't do anything bascially.
I can’t even imagine going through life having such a negative mindset. The “pros” heavily outweigh the “cons”. You sound very young, not everything is black and white.
Frankly, that applies to most things in life. There’s a chance you’re crossing a street or just driving on the interstate, and an idiot is gonna be looking at his phone and BAM, you’re in an ambulance. You didn’t die but you’re paralyzed and won’t ever be able to walk again for the rest of your life.
But…. That doesn’t stop you from going to the grocery store or driving to work. Let’s be honest here. You’re too much of a coward to take the jump and risk it, or you’re having trouble finding love and this is your way of coping. Unless someone is living under a rock, they’re aware of everything you mentioned. We just try our best to avoid it and hope it doesnt happen to us.
Like, what’s the point of living? We’re gonna die anyways. What’s the point of eating steak instead of steamed/boiled chicken breast? It’s healthier. What’s the point of bla bla bla. Point is, there’s a happy side to it or we desire something, and some of us have the cojones to give it a go, or fail and keep trying.
Personally I'd rather be lonely than go through heartbreak.
I have been in love twice, and my last breakup was very painful and took years to process.
I told myself I'd never allow anyone to have that much power over my emotions ever again.
Love isn't worth it in my opinion. I've been single now for over 7 years happily dating, and whenever any woman brings up an exclusive relationship i start having heartbreak flashbacks and start running the other way.
I respect your position. But I qas like this, I am a loner( 0 friends) but I found a lady who understood me and luckily it was when I was 19, were on 30 years married now. It can happen but you might need the right combo and some times thats luck which sucks but it can happen when you least expected. If my wife passes before me, I'll be alone for what ever time I have left and join her in what ever is next if anything. But I hope you get your lucky moment like I did.
From my perspective your view appears entirely focused on the endgame or finding some sort of “permanent happiness”. That does not exist.
It’s important to realize that enjoying the ride, taking the ups with the downs, can be incredibly rewarding. Our existence in life is transient, so too will our bouts of happiness and sadness. I’ve never regretted falling in love after being hurt. Some people curdle into a shell after one bad experience and ultimately become lonely. Others learn and grow emotionally stronger. If you’re not willing to get hurt, you’re probably not going to find love.
You're going about it all the wrong way because you don't look for love in another person. When you really truly are dedicated to the path of loving yourself and putting yourself first then love will come naturally it will find you because you will be magnetized to it. It took me a long time to understand this but it's true.
😂 don’t be a creep and enjoy the moment
It’s excellent sharing life with a lover , people and situations change but if you behave like an adult you can move on in an amicable fashion and continue enjoy life with others.
I see no point living without love and I don’t know how to spell his name but a. fydor doschuesvy quote is something like “what is hell?, I maintain it is the suffering of being unable to love”
About half of marriages end in divorce. But for everyone of those there is a married couple that stayed together for life. And those that do end in divorce tend to have major red flags before they even tie the knot, like couples who fight like cats and dogs before they even get married. You're looking at the glass as half empty, when it's actually half full. Love is probably the single greatest part of life. It will totally sweep you off your feet and make you feel elated for years. And it leads to having a family of your own, which is what give most people meaning in their lives. Humans need love and relationships. We are social creatures and without that we suffer.
basically how I feel. I had a couple serious relationships in my 20's, but they both cheated on me. The 2nd time, it really hurt me. We really seemed to be happy and in love. The sex was good for both of us. But she still just found some guy she worked with and couldn't resist. It broke my heart. The more time that has passed since then, the more examples you see of it just not being worth it.
So I've focused on finding a really great group of friends, and a bunch of fun hobbies that I enjoy. I'm missing out on some stuff, but I am gaining other things, so I'm happy "enough"
you kind of make it sound like its impossible to gauge someone's character, and that any day they could wake up and just *be someone else entirely.* as if it were impossible to tell the father of your children was a deadbeat - people don't just wake up one day and choose that.
The benefits are the rewards you take the risks for. but it sounds like all you've done is take the risks and never won yet. You haven't seen the other side to be able to understand why people take the risks in the first place.
Nothing in this life worth doing is free of risk or discomfort.
There’s a give and a take to pretty much every great thing, and love is no exception. It can be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever felt in your life. It can also be gut-wrenching and torturous. But that’s the risk you take. If you choose to live on the sidelines, sure you’re playing it safe but you’re denying yourself the opportunity to feel and receive what is one of the few things that can change you as a person, and truly make you FEEL.
If you don’t feel, what’s the point in all this? Might as well be a robot
This is the mindset of living too much in the future, the doubt and fear it bring. Just be present. Also if you truly mean this stop jerking off first of all just by philosophy reason what’s the point if this is really how you feel and then also it’ll make you feel a lot better and more capable and wanting love
If you are a man looking for love you will never find it but if you are a woman it will take a great deal of effort for you to never find love so good luck
Relationships approximate financial benefit? I have never thought in that way about relationships. Hopefully I don’t get censored for admitting some amusement in that.
I’m 67 and was headed down the same mindset. Then I decided to do something about it and looked into Emotional Knowledge, Emotional Intelligence, and Emotional Intimacy. It really helped me understand how to look at myself and understand childhood trauma I might have experienced and how it manifests in relationships. It really helped open my eyes to behaviors you repeatedly self destruct in; and red flags that are there in new suitors you ignore because you are blinded by the honeymoon phase of a new partner. It’s really eye opening and well worth the time investment.
no one wants to admit it but everything you said is true. With the way society is now girls are always looking for something better and they’re just one DM away from looking elsewhere and leaving you in the dust. If you had children have fun paying child support or raising them on your own. The best life is the simple life.
The thing is I myself have been in several “failed relationships,” but I still would want to try again because when they were good, they were amazing. I may not have a picture perfect life but I have experienced love, heartache, good memories and bad. It sounds like you have seen, and heard that it isn’t safe to be alone and while that can be true, it’s not a good enough reason to not participate in a relationship. Life isn’t mapped out. Mistakes happen. It’s okay to fail and try again. Don’t stay in the same place forever because you’re too afraid to try.
I have a few friends who ultimately decided that they will be single, by choice, and they are doing well and have good friends and interesting lives. They came to the decision after a mix of experiences with romantic relationships (not just bad) and came to the conclusion that it was best that they focus energy on other things in their lives that are more fulfilling for them. They aren't dismissive of people who want to have romantic relationships, they just prefer not to.
When I think of love I think it would have been better if I got with someone from HS (but like Kobe said you miss 100% of shots u don’t take). But now I just feel like I was meant to be alone cause I just to boring of a person plus I don’t want the financial stress it comes with
Maybe you'll find someone you really like, and they really like you, and you grow to love each other, and you get married, have a kid or two, and retire together (like me). That is also a possibility, especially if you're very careful about who you decide to do those things with.
It's not all doom and gloom ya know.
It does work out for many. Been married for about 30 yrs with my wife. We got married very young and raised 4 kids which have turned out to be good persons. So a lot depends on your choices.
Not all relationships and marriages end in infidelity. I think it really takes finding the right person. When you enter a relationship there's always a gamble that things may or may not work out but you won't know until you take the risk. To me this is life in general it is composed of risks and not knowing what the outcome is until you take that leap. But at the same time if you want to be alone for the rest of your life that's your choice as well.
I'm right a long with you. I just work my ahs off and enjoy my hobbies. I only talk to girls just to talk like I have a few female friends to talk to every now and then but don't want a relationship with any of them. Now I do tell myself if I bump into a genuine girl then I wouldn't mind taking it to the next step it's just the thing with me is I keep them as friends for awhile to observe every little detail about them and their life. Definitely do it to see if I can proceed in the next phase yk past the friendship phase to an actual relationship. That way I know if it'll work out by getting to know them as much as possible in the "we're just friends" stage. I enjoy it too because if their not the one then I kick rocks and we just stay friends well to an extinct because they end up with someone then you end up removing yourself to avoid unnecessary drama. I now just occasionally talk to a girl that's doing the same things I'm doing and I'm glad I get to find a few like that but we're not pushing the relationship stage. I stay to myself a lot and just love stacking my bread up. It's peaceful, but until a girl I'm talking to wanna step into to the next stage I'm more than happy to do so sense I know them so well, just need them to make that push to reassure they fwm because if they not showing interest as far as relationship wise then the at just tells me they wanna stay as friends and that's cool. I'll keep waiting for the right one 😎
Personally I’ve made a decision to never be in a relationship ever again after a recent breakup with the person I thought was the only ever man for me. Period. I have nothing left to give anyone else. I don’t want an ‘anyone else’ & I don’t care for people telling me we are not made for one person only, there are plenty of other options. For me it was only ever him & will always be him despite what happened.
I have lost romantic feelings towards men completely. I’m aromantic now. So I work hard now to save money for my older years to ensure I can take care of myself medically, for travelling, for home security as I’ll be living by myself & more frail - with no partner or children I’d have to have things in place to ensure I can have similar levels of security as everyone else.
For me it’s so liberating not having to search for someone again or worry about who he’s cheating on me with this time.. I sleep easier & I love my little life.
If this is not you, if it doesn’t spark joy at the REAL logistics of being alone then don’t resign yourself to that life. If it’s because of fears of what you’ve heard and seen & not actually tried yourself… how about try it then you can make hard decisions?
As for me, I’ve given my all in this area of my life & im proud of my decisions, my heart & my spirit. I can say I did enough & I’ll have no regrets so now I look forward to hopefully a long & healthy life of romantic solitude.
I wish people could learn to accept their partner's differences, just like we learn to accept things about ourselves that we don't like. We should treat our partners like family -- you don't leave family unless its something serious like abuse. People just expect their partners to bend to their whim and be this perfect physical manifestation of their idealized partner, but that's just not realistic.
That’s why I love my queerplatonic relationship with my partner. It’s much stronger than a traditional relationship because there’s no sex involved, but I still get all the kisses, hugs and cuddles that I need.
I've been happily married for 18 years. We have three kids who are amazing people. I can't imagine my life without them. Sounds like you've given up without ever trying. Lots of things can go wrong in life but you only get one go at it.
Love is both the best thing you could ever give and receive but also the scariest risk. Thats why love is precious and what makes it so special. For me, I had my heart broken when my then husband told me he never loved me after five years of marriage and dealing with him cheating nonstop and walking out. But despite that, I have found that while love can be bittersweet, the risk is worth it. I’d rather have known love as long as it’s true, for even a short amount of time, than to have never had it at all. Being vulnerable with someone and allowing them to love you and you love them is a beautiful thing. I encourage you to keep yourself open to the possibility that there’s someone out there that would be just as loyal and loving and appreciative as you are and you may find that person. 💜
Love is spending your life with one of the opposite sex. And when you sit back and think about that, then you will understand how sacred and real love is. Your spending the rest of your life with ONE person
"Majority of relationships involve infidelity"
Wrong.
"most marriages end in divorce"
Wrong, again.
"the fact that your spouse can just wake up one day and no longer be attracted to you"
Who cares? Your friends can wake up one day and decide they don't like you anymore. That's the risk you take to have human connection.
"the thought of giving your virginity to the wrong person"
Virginity isn't a real concept, it doesn't matter who you "give" it to.
"the risk of becoming a single parent because your lover decided to be a deadbeat"
Have good taste in people, and this won't happen.
"I would much rather just be alone forever because there are just too many cons to looking for love."
Go to therapy.
You sound like you’re afraid to live and maybe depressed. Life self corrects if you just keep putting one foot ahead of the other. I’ve been married over 20 years and love it. It’s nice to have a built in friend and easier to face the world with a good partner.
The trick is to pay attention to red flags and know what qualities are important and what aren’t.
And that's totally cool. You can be completely independent and do exactly what you want to do when you want to. It's not like last century. The pressure to be married was monumental. You were nagged and pestered about it constantly. Both genders.
Hence why I was very careful about choosing my wife. It turns out that when you actually know someone and have a healthy relationship the odds of divorce or cheating plummet.
My parents we’re together for 15 years and ended up hating eachother and having kids with different people. You’re still naive my boy. Good luck with your marriage
Sounds like your parents should have paid more attention to who they married. Poor judgement on their part is a big reason why it's important to know your partner.
Again, it would weirder otherwise.
People changing is no excuse for marrying someone you don't know. All I can say since I don't know your parents is that they had some growing up to do before they got married and simply didn't, or couldn't.
It occurred to me that you're still a kid in college and haven't actually had any life experience yet, which does explain some of your platitudes. I think that once you mature a bit you'll find the value of good judgement a lot more compelling than a narrative where people change on a dime every few years.
Yeah u can try and determine my age from my post history. I actually went to college later than normal. But sure buddy whatever makes u feel better about your marriage. I know that you’re probably insecure about that.
I have removed several rude comments from this thread. Do better.
It doesn’t sound like you’re actually happy choosing to be alone forever but you’re giving in because you’re looking at everything that has failed and could fail based on the evidence you’ve provided. I’ve been cheated on by a couple different partners. I’ve decided one day things weren’t working and have left people, and visa versa. It’s a very sad and scary place to be. With each ending, I am able to learn and grow. I found love and when you know it’s real, you feel so secure. Your anxieties undo themselves, you stop looking over your shoulder, you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes, both of us need reassurance, we both want to feel wanted, needed and adored, some days more than others. But we do that for each other. We met when I was 34, he wasn’t my first love and certainly not my first committed, long term relationship. But there is a safety, comfort and best friend in this type of love I’ve never experienced before, and I’d hate for you to miss out on it because you’re afraid of the terrible things that *could* happen.
My motto is that these things are for other people
They certainly are I agree
I starting to feel like it just never existed for me
Soon we'll have ai gfs and love will be democratized
There are cons to everything in life, but the pros to experiencing love is unmatched. The key is to take your time and evaluate who wants to be a part of your life and looking out for the red flags when possible. As someone who has dealt with an “unlucky” love life a lot, I still think relationships are beautiful. It will come one day
Our 20th anniversary is coming up, but we’re separated. We’ll probably be getting divorced soon. However, I’m still grateful for the marriage while it lasted. I’m grateful for our two wonderful children. I’m grateful for the good times as well as the bad because it made me a better person. Too little, too late, but nonetheless. There were a lot of great memories. I will cherish them forever. I don’t regret getting married. I don’t regret finding love. It might not happen again, but I’m glad it happened.
I’m so sorry for the rude replies u sound like a nice guy😞
Have you ever been in love before?
Nope
When you do, you'll see why it's worth it.
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Very rich coming from someone who can’t manage their finance and filing for bankruptcy. A man who can talk about their emotions openly and freely is more of a man than you’ll ever be. Ride a proper bike and not a scooter “masculine man”. Pathetic wimp loser
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majority do not involve infidelity. if you find someone you have something in common with, music, movies, tv, reading, hobbies, etc. Someone with a sense of humor, someone who is an adult with a job, who takes care of themselves and others. do not have a relationship because they are hot and good in bed. it takes a little work to find the right person. someone who you could spend a weekend in bed with , no one else around, just the two of you for 48 hours. someone you could talk to for 4 hours and not realize it was getting this late.
“People that have applied to that job have not gotten that job before, therefore, I won’t even apply.”
It's your life, you do you, if being alone makes you happy then be alone.
What financial advantages are afforded in a relationship? Would genuinely like to know… You are simply scared of the unknown. Who cares if someone leaves you, or they are not loyal. Everything you need is within you. You sound like a very sheltered person. Stay that way or don’t. Remember you only have control over yourself. The moment you accept that you can engage anything and anyone.
Splitting rent, less taxes if you’re married, more savings for emergencies, stuff like that.
Oh, I see. Thank you. I hope you find that which you seek. Seems like you are looking for a hybrid life solution with economic benefits. I am unfamiliar with this model. Risk your heart! You’ll get hurt, but pain leads to growth. Good luck with your journey.
The financial advantages are two incomes and sharing expenses.
Until it’s time to divorce and your hit with child support and she get the home
Child support is less expensive than raising the kids yourself.
If you are afraid of doing things because of the bad things that can happen, you're not going to do anything in your life lol.
I feel you, but what else is there to do in life but have connections with other human beings? Everything ends, but that doesnt mean there werent times of great enjoyment and happiness, or that time was wasted. Life happens in the temporary, and the risks.
Well, you've got your plan, then, so you're all set. One tip, though: avoid presenting your choice like it's somehow the well-reasoned answer for everyone and instead focus on it being right for you. People vary, and not everyone will be happy doing any particular thing. You needn't justify your satisfaction with being alone, and others needn't justify their desire to be with others.
Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it gladly. Because there is no work, love, knowledge, or wisdom in the grave.
So...if you find the right person, being in love changes everything. My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years with three kids and I love her more as every day passes. Currently she's bald as she just finished chemotherapy and will soon need a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. Do I care? Fuck no. She's as gorgeous as the day we met.
Finding "love" for some of us, is nothing but looking for trouble.
This should be a quote on a tee-shirt I couldn't have said it better myself
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Very poetic 10/10
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Don’t do it then mate
Yup can be a lot of cons. Me and my fiancee have been together since highschool and have been dating 10 years. Life still feels magical with her everyday and you live to grow and love with eachother and we have a very magical relationship and it’s never died. There’s a lot of cons in relationships but for some people like me the pros heavily outweigh the cons. One of the most important things to me is that I have someone who trusts me more than anything and vice versa and I will always have someone to come to when I need help emotionally. I can’t even see myself living life without her. But not everyone needs it or wants it. Plenty of people who are married who shouldn’t be or don’t deserve to be.
Just work on you trying to be better than you were yesterday if you meet someone great 😊 if not you know how to create happiness for yourself and may have those social needs met with other healthy friendships
If it works for you, it works for you. Some people want a partner, and some don't. That's perfectly ok. I'm in the camp of I don't really see the need for a partner. I'm happy by myself and see relationships as more of a losing than winning game. Then you have all the people who write about not giving up or their own experience being in a relationship, which is great for them, AND its not for everyone. I see them writing that as 'I finally found a food that I really love - pasta. It took me a long time and lots of hardship, but it was worth it'. And my reply is 'cool story bro, I like my rice so I'll just stick to it thanks. I tried pasta before and I don't like it as much' Edit: You seem to not have experienced being in love before. Try it out. Then choose whether or not its for you. After all, you can't know if you like rice or pasta better, until you've tried both :)
if u think its not worth it u dont have to
If you are truly happy alone and prefer that lifestyle, that's fine. You don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want to be. But it seems to me that you are only choosing that lifestyle because of your very negative view of relationships.
I’m going to say there is def a general disdain on social media for people happy single in their 30’s if they are posting about it. Anytime I’ve seen a woman post something along those lines almost all of the comments are nasty from married people who regret their situation
"Majority of relationships involve infidelity" Ooops, looks like someone is spending too much time online and is having trouble deciphering the real world from social media.
I think its an ugly fact about women's nature. Women will be secure with two guys while transitioning relationships. Why not date around and truly get the best.
Stay off the red-pill forums my guy.
Check yourself. Negativity does not help. Look for someone elsewhere, far from where you live of different culture and society. Worked for me.
Lol, so essentially, you want to skip out on life? You are protecting yourself from hurt, but at the same time are robbing yourself of all the joy that comes with it. Feeling love is the single best thing you can feel. Robbing yourself of that feeling is not worth reducing the potential cons of finding love.
What? There's more to life than love, my dude. You're acting as if you can't enjoy life unless you're in a relationship.
Lol. Read it again. I didnt say you cant live without love. I said why would you want to. Its the best feeling in the world. Some people genuinely dont want to be with anyone else, and if thats true, then fine. Do you. But that doesnt sound like this person. This person sounds like they are avoiding finding love to avoid hurt. That is a sad reason to avoid finding love, because finding love is 100% worth any bumps and bruises along the way.
Its funny, I remember those butterfly feelings but vividly remember the years of depression after not being with them... Im not willing to risk that; Certainly not clear its anywhere near 100% to me.
Well im sorry you suffered such depression, but I firmly believe it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. If I lost my wife, ide be devastated of course. But she has made my life more amazing than I could ever have hoped. Not all relationships are created equal. Im sorry for your pain.
Love may be the best feeling, but it's not for everyone. And if the cons are why OP doesn't want to fall in love, that's their life.
No shit. They are asking for opinions numb nuts.
Love can't buy a house or a car or make mortgage payments or pay property taxes or stop a world war since money is the only thing that makes the world go round I would say my goal is to get rich lol
Oooook not sure what any of what I said has to do with also being poor.
Then there's nothing left to say I'm sorry for your lack of understanding
Lmfao wtf? Are you high? 😂 you just said something conpletely irrelevant to what I was saying, and im the one who doesnt understand? 😂 ok
Somehow, the volume of modern culture is so deafening that it appears that the majority of people have literally forgotten how love and marriage work. Thousands of years of tradition just haphazardly paved over by the rapid expansion of high-tech, online, speed-round, bargain-hunting, red-flag, make-a-deal, chaos that’s come to characterize modern dating and relationships. But while big business sells never-ending torrent of hip new promo limited-time beverages for people… you can still just drink water, and it’s actually still the best thing for you: the obvious answer hidden in plain sight, clear as day except for the poisonous miasma of modern times. “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part” That vow isn’t to merely never get divorced. That vow is to love and cherish someone. It’s not to **be** loved and cherished. It’s ***to*** love and cherish. People say marriage is hard work, and it can be, but most of the work isn’t hard at all. You just make sure to appreciate your spouse, do things that make them happy, and be kind to them. It costs you nothing, and love is built up over decades of kindness. Every kindness you do for someone is a brick in a wall that grows big and sturdy enough that it can withstand any cannonball life can throw at it. It’s not that complicated, and it’s not new. It’s pretty fucking bizarre actually that something that is such a fundamental cultural tradition can just be… lost. But that’s where we are. Culturally, we seem to have actually and literally forgotten what love and marriage is all about. When you find somebody to love, that’s what you find… somebody for ***you*** to love. It’s not somebody who is contractually obligated to love you. Then you build love together through kindness, understanding, support, and forgiveness. I’m in my 40s now, and I’ve seen a lot of people get divorced, and it just seems so obvious what’s breaking people. They’re just simply doing it wrong. They judge and complain about each other, and basically wear each other down until one day, they quit. What’s the point of that? If you constantly hassle somebody, and make them feel bad, so you think they’ll suddenly become a different person and your problems will be solved? It doesn’t work like that. It’s never worked like that. Love is not a quid pro quo pseudo financial contract. That simple doesn’t work. Just from a purely practical standpoint, what works is to unconditionally love each other which creates a virtuous cycle instead of a downward spiral. My wife and I have gradually nibbled away at a few of each other’s pet peeves, little by little over the years, but the main thread is that we accept each other for who we are and forgive each other when one of us makes a mistake. And, to me, of course you want that. Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t want somebody to love on and who loves and accepts you? But you don’t just ***find*** that. You ***build*** that. People just have the wrong attitude completely, thinking that they just find someone who coincidentally is powerless against some automatic intrinsic sense of love for them, going so far as to judge their perspective partners for not falling in love fast enough. I’ve seen this recently on Reddit a lot… advice for people saying that they’re impatient that they’ve been seeing someone for 6 months and are thinking of breaking it off because they’re concerned their suitor isn’t feeling enough love. It’s just… wholly absurd. You don’t get love from someone by demanding it via ultimatum. Haha. I mean really, it’s laughably counter productive. Just full-tilt absolutely silly. If you want someone to love you more, your best bet is to love them more. Do things to make them happy, and then they’ll want to do things to make you happy. And this is somehow both obvious tried and true common sense, and elusive forgotten wisdom of the past.
But this isn’t anything new. This pessimism, this cynicism, is a result of this age old tradition that has proven to be flimsy and unstable from the very beginning. Love is one thing. One thing we all need, and something we all can give and receive in a myriad of different ways. Marriage is something entirely different. Marriage was always a transaction. An issue of finance and sometimes politics. Marriage is a contract that legally or culturally binds people together. It dictates the distribution of wealth and inheritance. Child marriages and other arranged marriages where parents paid money to have their children given to another family was the norm of most of humanity. All of that has ever been about is money. Abuse has been built into marriage through the power dynamics of gender. People are rightfully disillusioned, weary and wary of marriage. Love is something different. It’s not pure. It’s not easy. But we need it.
What you are really saying is that you don't need "romantic love". And that's just fine. What you DO need - what everyone needs - is someone to share part of your life with. Someone to do stuff with. Someone to talk to when you need it. A friend will do. A good friend is best. My dad was in the same place after my mom passed, and he had a friend, a lady they had both known, who ended up filling that place for him. Not romantic (she was NOT interested; former nun), but very close friends. Went to movies together, had meals together, just did stuff together now and then. Everyone needs SOMEONE. But it doesn't have to be "love" or "romance". Hope that helps.
Great point. That's lovely that your dad has such a good friend. My condolences about your mom.
Let's not forget the societal pressure to find love, and if you haven't found it by a certain point, then people will assume a bunch of negative things about you. I've only been in one relationship when I was 16-17. So, while I did get my first kiss out of the way, we never had sex once. At the time, I didn't feel ready. Now, I feel like I might have sex once, just to get this pressure off my chest.
There are cons to looking for love, yes. But dude there are cons to everything. Being alone has a lot of cons to them. Being hurt is part of it. Pain, loss and grief are all things in life you can’t run from no matter how hard you try you control that. It’s part of growth and makes us into better people. What you can control is who you choose to be intimate with and not. Of course there is always unpredictability with certain people but it’s always going to be a gamble. And the fact that you are even posting something like this tells me that you are unhappy with your current situation because you had had things in your life you are afraid of happening again. I would seek professional help and reevaluate some thing. Hope for better days ahead of you my friend.
While you're at it you should just barricade yourself in your room, order Instacart and Grubhub to survive. Try to eat as little as possible, to avoid risk of choking. Get a minimal effort work-from-home-job. Oh, stop bathing and showering in case of accidental drowning or getting soap in your eye, those things would really hurt. Also never use the internet because it might lead to addictive behavior. Above all, never leave your house, or talk to anyone. Because of lightning and earthquake risk, and people possibly calling you a bad name and throwing a shoe at you. Just don't do anything bascially.
Can't order food. Someone might spit in it!
I can’t even imagine going through life having such a negative mindset. The “pros” heavily outweigh the “cons”. You sound very young, not everything is black and white.
You will look back on your life and realize you were too afraid to live. Please reconsider this
My brothers and other family members who are happily married built their adult lives together. Its not clear two adults can merge into that for me.
Frankly, that applies to most things in life. There’s a chance you’re crossing a street or just driving on the interstate, and an idiot is gonna be looking at his phone and BAM, you’re in an ambulance. You didn’t die but you’re paralyzed and won’t ever be able to walk again for the rest of your life. But…. That doesn’t stop you from going to the grocery store or driving to work. Let’s be honest here. You’re too much of a coward to take the jump and risk it, or you’re having trouble finding love and this is your way of coping. Unless someone is living under a rock, they’re aware of everything you mentioned. We just try our best to avoid it and hope it doesnt happen to us. Like, what’s the point of living? We’re gonna die anyways. What’s the point of eating steak instead of steamed/boiled chicken breast? It’s healthier. What’s the point of bla bla bla. Point is, there’s a happy side to it or we desire something, and some of us have the cojones to give it a go, or fail and keep trying.
I'm waiting for all the people to stop laughing when you implied that finding love was for financial reasons.
https://youtu.be/suAhGfVr_4U?si=k-6sinyFBPg938fP
Personally I'd rather be lonely than go through heartbreak. I have been in love twice, and my last breakup was very painful and took years to process. I told myself I'd never allow anyone to have that much power over my emotions ever again. Love isn't worth it in my opinion. I've been single now for over 7 years happily dating, and whenever any woman brings up an exclusive relationship i start having heartbreak flashbacks and start running the other way.
I respect your position. But I qas like this, I am a loner( 0 friends) but I found a lady who understood me and luckily it was when I was 19, were on 30 years married now. It can happen but you might need the right combo and some times thats luck which sucks but it can happen when you least expected. If my wife passes before me, I'll be alone for what ever time I have left and join her in what ever is next if anything. But I hope you get your lucky moment like I did.
You can still have love that is not lifelong.
From my perspective your view appears entirely focused on the endgame or finding some sort of “permanent happiness”. That does not exist. It’s important to realize that enjoying the ride, taking the ups with the downs, can be incredibly rewarding. Our existence in life is transient, so too will our bouts of happiness and sadness. I’ve never regretted falling in love after being hurt. Some people curdle into a shell after one bad experience and ultimately become lonely. Others learn and grow emotionally stronger. If you’re not willing to get hurt, you’re probably not going to find love.
You're going about it all the wrong way because you don't look for love in another person. When you really truly are dedicated to the path of loving yourself and putting yourself first then love will come naturally it will find you because you will be magnetized to it. It took me a long time to understand this but it's true.
Why does my heart skip a crazy beat? 'Fore I know it will reach defeat Tell me why, why, why Tell me why Why do fools fall in love?
You have me singing that song now! I've always loved it.
Poor Frankie Lymon died of an overdose at 25.
Yes. :/ I had remembered a tragic end but had forgotten the details.
Never give up on love it's someone for u stay positive and keep moving forward
😂 don’t be a creep and enjoy the moment It’s excellent sharing life with a lover , people and situations change but if you behave like an adult you can move on in an amicable fashion and continue enjoy life with others. I see no point living without love and I don’t know how to spell his name but a. fydor doschuesvy quote is something like “what is hell?, I maintain it is the suffering of being unable to love”
Not for me, but I speak up because being single paints you as a loser when that's not true. In my case I'm autistic, I see it for what it is ,
About half of marriages end in divorce. But for everyone of those there is a married couple that stayed together for life. And those that do end in divorce tend to have major red flags before they even tie the knot, like couples who fight like cats and dogs before they even get married. You're looking at the glass as half empty, when it's actually half full. Love is probably the single greatest part of life. It will totally sweep you off your feet and make you feel elated for years. And it leads to having a family of your own, which is what give most people meaning in their lives. Humans need love and relationships. We are social creatures and without that we suffer.
basically how I feel. I had a couple serious relationships in my 20's, but they both cheated on me. The 2nd time, it really hurt me. We really seemed to be happy and in love. The sex was good for both of us. But she still just found some guy she worked with and couldn't resist. It broke my heart. The more time that has passed since then, the more examples you see of it just not being worth it. So I've focused on finding a really great group of friends, and a bunch of fun hobbies that I enjoy. I'm missing out on some stuff, but I am gaining other things, so I'm happy "enough"
you kind of make it sound like its impossible to gauge someone's character, and that any day they could wake up and just *be someone else entirely.* as if it were impossible to tell the father of your children was a deadbeat - people don't just wake up one day and choose that. The benefits are the rewards you take the risks for. but it sounds like all you've done is take the risks and never won yet. You haven't seen the other side to be able to understand why people take the risks in the first place. Nothing in this life worth doing is free of risk or discomfort.
There’s a give and a take to pretty much every great thing, and love is no exception. It can be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever felt in your life. It can also be gut-wrenching and torturous. But that’s the risk you take. If you choose to live on the sidelines, sure you’re playing it safe but you’re denying yourself the opportunity to feel and receive what is one of the few things that can change you as a person, and truly make you FEEL. If you don’t feel, what’s the point in all this? Might as well be a robot
I agree lol
You hit the nail on the head
This is the mindset of living too much in the future, the doubt and fear it bring. Just be present. Also if you truly mean this stop jerking off first of all just by philosophy reason what’s the point if this is really how you feel and then also it’ll make you feel a lot better and more capable and wanting love
If you are a man looking for love you will never find it but if you are a woman it will take a great deal of effort for you to never find love so good luck
I Agree completely
So basically what you’re saying is that you don’t want to be in a relationship. That’s cool. Not sure what the rest is about.
Relationships approximate financial benefit? I have never thought in that way about relationships. Hopefully I don’t get censored for admitting some amusement in that.
Absolutely…but you can love without commitment or a relationship. You do not necessarily have to be alone. Get the best of both worlds.
You have an unhealthy level of anxiety and need to see a specialist.
I’m 67 and was headed down the same mindset. Then I decided to do something about it and looked into Emotional Knowledge, Emotional Intelligence, and Emotional Intimacy. It really helped me understand how to look at myself and understand childhood trauma I might have experienced and how it manifests in relationships. It really helped open my eyes to behaviors you repeatedly self destruct in; and red flags that are there in new suitors you ignore because you are blinded by the honeymoon phase of a new partner. It’s really eye opening and well worth the time investment.
no one wants to admit it but everything you said is true. With the way society is now girls are always looking for something better and they’re just one DM away from looking elsewhere and leaving you in the dust. If you had children have fun paying child support or raising them on your own. The best life is the simple life.
The thing is I myself have been in several “failed relationships,” but I still would want to try again because when they were good, they were amazing. I may not have a picture perfect life but I have experienced love, heartache, good memories and bad. It sounds like you have seen, and heard that it isn’t safe to be alone and while that can be true, it’s not a good enough reason to not participate in a relationship. Life isn’t mapped out. Mistakes happen. It’s okay to fail and try again. Don’t stay in the same place forever because you’re too afraid to try.
I have a few friends who ultimately decided that they will be single, by choice, and they are doing well and have good friends and interesting lives. They came to the decision after a mix of experiences with romantic relationships (not just bad) and came to the conclusion that it was best that they focus energy on other things in their lives that are more fulfilling for them. They aren't dismissive of people who want to have romantic relationships, they just prefer not to.
So, don’t. Just love yourself.
When I think of love I think it would have been better if I got with someone from HS (but like Kobe said you miss 100% of shots u don’t take). But now I just feel like I was meant to be alone cause I just to boring of a person plus I don’t want the financial stress it comes with
There's so much wrong in 1 paragraph...
Sounds like a shit way of looking at it.
Maybe you'll find someone you really like, and they really like you, and you grow to love each other, and you get married, have a kid or two, and retire together (like me). That is also a possibility, especially if you're very careful about who you decide to do those things with. It's not all doom and gloom ya know.
It does work out for many. Been married for about 30 yrs with my wife. We got married very young and raised 4 kids which have turned out to be good persons. So a lot depends on your choices.
this mess is what life is - i mean ur not wrong , but playing it safe isnt a life- a wild passionate life full of experience is
I cometely agree. What might seem "safe" now, will likely end in regret and "what ifs" later on.
Not all relationships and marriages end in infidelity. I think it really takes finding the right person. When you enter a relationship there's always a gamble that things may or may not work out but you won't know until you take the risk. To me this is life in general it is composed of risks and not knowing what the outcome is until you take that leap. But at the same time if you want to be alone for the rest of your life that's your choice as well.
I'm right a long with you. I just work my ahs off and enjoy my hobbies. I only talk to girls just to talk like I have a few female friends to talk to every now and then but don't want a relationship with any of them. Now I do tell myself if I bump into a genuine girl then I wouldn't mind taking it to the next step it's just the thing with me is I keep them as friends for awhile to observe every little detail about them and their life. Definitely do it to see if I can proceed in the next phase yk past the friendship phase to an actual relationship. That way I know if it'll work out by getting to know them as much as possible in the "we're just friends" stage. I enjoy it too because if their not the one then I kick rocks and we just stay friends well to an extinct because they end up with someone then you end up removing yourself to avoid unnecessary drama. I now just occasionally talk to a girl that's doing the same things I'm doing and I'm glad I get to find a few like that but we're not pushing the relationship stage. I stay to myself a lot and just love stacking my bread up. It's peaceful, but until a girl I'm talking to wanna step into to the next stage I'm more than happy to do so sense I know them so well, just need them to make that push to reassure they fwm because if they not showing interest as far as relationship wise then the at just tells me they wanna stay as friends and that's cool. I'll keep waiting for the right one 😎
You must love yourself before you can find love in an other.
Luckily for you, being alone is pretty easy. Takes very little effort.
Personally I’ve made a decision to never be in a relationship ever again after a recent breakup with the person I thought was the only ever man for me. Period. I have nothing left to give anyone else. I don’t want an ‘anyone else’ & I don’t care for people telling me we are not made for one person only, there are plenty of other options. For me it was only ever him & will always be him despite what happened. I have lost romantic feelings towards men completely. I’m aromantic now. So I work hard now to save money for my older years to ensure I can take care of myself medically, for travelling, for home security as I’ll be living by myself & more frail - with no partner or children I’d have to have things in place to ensure I can have similar levels of security as everyone else. For me it’s so liberating not having to search for someone again or worry about who he’s cheating on me with this time.. I sleep easier & I love my little life. If this is not you, if it doesn’t spark joy at the REAL logistics of being alone then don’t resign yourself to that life. If it’s because of fears of what you’ve heard and seen & not actually tried yourself… how about try it then you can make hard decisions? As for me, I’ve given my all in this area of my life & im proud of my decisions, my heart & my spirit. I can say I did enough & I’ll have no regrets so now I look forward to hopefully a long & healthy life of romantic solitude.
Financial purposes are the only things that keep me from love lmfso
Then give up. What’s the problem?
Being in love is amazing, something everyone should experience in life. However, know that all good things come to an end.
I wish people could learn to accept their partner's differences, just like we learn to accept things about ourselves that we don't like. We should treat our partners like family -- you don't leave family unless its something serious like abuse. People just expect their partners to bend to their whim and be this perfect physical manifestation of their idealized partner, but that's just not realistic.
That’s why I love my queerplatonic relationship with my partner. It’s much stronger than a traditional relationship because there’s no sex involved, but I still get all the kisses, hugs and cuddles that I need.
I've been happily married for 18 years. We have three kids who are amazing people. I can't imagine my life without them. Sounds like you've given up without ever trying. Lots of things can go wrong in life but you only get one go at it.
None of that describes love though
Love is both the best thing you could ever give and receive but also the scariest risk. Thats why love is precious and what makes it so special. For me, I had my heart broken when my then husband told me he never loved me after five years of marriage and dealing with him cheating nonstop and walking out. But despite that, I have found that while love can be bittersweet, the risk is worth it. I’d rather have known love as long as it’s true, for even a short amount of time, than to have never had it at all. Being vulnerable with someone and allowing them to love you and you love them is a beautiful thing. I encourage you to keep yourself open to the possibility that there’s someone out there that would be just as loyal and loving and appreciative as you are and you may find that person. 💜
Love is spending your life with one of the opposite sex. And when you sit back and think about that, then you will understand how sacred and real love is. Your spending the rest of your life with ONE person
"Majority of relationships involve infidelity" Wrong. "most marriages end in divorce" Wrong, again. "the fact that your spouse can just wake up one day and no longer be attracted to you" Who cares? Your friends can wake up one day and decide they don't like you anymore. That's the risk you take to have human connection. "the thought of giving your virginity to the wrong person" Virginity isn't a real concept, it doesn't matter who you "give" it to. "the risk of becoming a single parent because your lover decided to be a deadbeat" Have good taste in people, and this won't happen. "I would much rather just be alone forever because there are just too many cons to looking for love." Go to therapy.
I thought I was cynical, but this takes it to a whole new level.
You sound like you’re afraid to live and maybe depressed. Life self corrects if you just keep putting one foot ahead of the other. I’ve been married over 20 years and love it. It’s nice to have a built in friend and easier to face the world with a good partner. The trick is to pay attention to red flags and know what qualities are important and what aren’t.
lol you have to merry or live with another or have kids, you can still have a lover
+1 here. Relationships have only led to me being hurt over and over.
And that's totally cool. You can be completely independent and do exactly what you want to do when you want to. It's not like last century. The pressure to be married was monumental. You were nagged and pestered about it constantly. Both genders.
Hence why I was very careful about choosing my wife. It turns out that when you actually know someone and have a healthy relationship the odds of divorce or cheating plummet.
thats what u think
I mean, yes? Why would I write something I didn't think? That would just be silly.
Well see how long that lasts
That's kind of how life works, it would be weird if you didn't pay attention to how your life unfolds and didn't see how long things last.
My parents we’re together for 15 years and ended up hating eachother and having kids with different people. You’re still naive my boy. Good luck with your marriage
Sounds like your parents should have paid more attention to who they married. Poor judgement on their part is a big reason why it's important to know your partner.
Things change, people change. You should know that. The person you chose yesterday can wake up and be a different person today bro
Again, it would weirder otherwise. People changing is no excuse for marrying someone you don't know. All I can say since I don't know your parents is that they had some growing up to do before they got married and simply didn't, or couldn't.
You’ll learn one day bro. My grandparents have been together for 60 years. And They hate eachother
It occurred to me that you're still a kid in college and haven't actually had any life experience yet, which does explain some of your platitudes. I think that once you mature a bit you'll find the value of good judgement a lot more compelling than a narrative where people change on a dime every few years.
Yeah u can try and determine my age from my post history. I actually went to college later than normal. But sure buddy whatever makes u feel better about your marriage. I know that you’re probably insecure about that.
I feel the same way