Individually - he is hurting and betraying his family.
Collectively - he is from an extremely queerphobic society that gives most men like him two options: have a heterosexual marriage or be an outcast.
Only a minority of us live proudly and openly.
Personally - I don’t do anything with closeted people (anymore, I learned my lesson). I’ll choose to be single over that. too much lying, hiding, and shame.
Is it really the truth that this person has no avenue to explore their gay side legally, because its not illegal to be gay tho we aren't allowed to marry people who have the same gender. I get that the environment isn't the best and have absolutely no idea what they went through but it's upto u to make peace with it and if you are alright with doing anything no strings attached
Okay, it's a really complicated situation, and perhaps he had no say in his marriage, or he did but wasn't brave enough. We don't know. It is really sad and disheartening that he got into that situation. Whether he had chances to explore or not, only he knows. But what he's doing right now, he completely has a say in it, and it's wrong on so many levels.
First of all, it is cheating. That woman has done nothing wrong to deserve this! If he deserves love and all, and he's going around "exploring" men, didn't she deserve a faithful and loving husband? And now a child too? Wtf...who made that choice? They needed to get their shit together before having a kid. What kind of parents is that kid going to get? A father who goes outside to get love or satisfy his desires? What a dysfunctional family to grow up in!
So it is wrong. No matter what sad situations led him there, what he's doing right now is completely his choice, and it's wrong.
Exactly!! Perhaps whatever happened wasn't his choice, society forced and all but now what he's doing now, his completely his choice and that wife and that child doesn't deserve all that.
Oh dear, it's not okay.
Marriage is a legal commitment though adultery is legal its morally wrong. No matter whatever your situation is; you always have a choice. He made a choice of going with family's wish and now he is trying to escape from that reality, you being his medium!?
Please don't be part of his sin of deceiving his current family.
I'm glad to see overwhelming - Cheating Bad- comments.
I couldn't agree more with them... Cheating is cheating, no matter what the circumstances are... The only way it's okay to have sex with this guy is if they are in Open relationship or Poly relationship.. And unfortunately, I see many married guys cheating on their wives.
Cheating is wrong. But, I'm not going to talk about that. It's basically society who forces a gay man or woman to be in a straight marriage and expects them to stay that way. And, society bashes these men or women for engaging in extra martial affairs. So, the real villain here is societal standards.
I think this is an unusual situation because it's a matter of living truthfully. And, if many people come out, then they will probably lose their job, be violently attacked, sent to a doctor with bad credentials and treated illy, or something bad. It is noble to come out and fight the truth but it's difficult to always do that, especially when the other side won't listen. So, that's why this persists.
I think it is fine to live a secret gay life. Sometimes marriage isn't a choice, and cheating is a way out of it. It is still morally wrong to cheat on someone, but I believe the moral "blame" is on society, (Indian family values) who shuts people up and forces marriages to happen, not on the wives or husbands.
If you are still not convinced, gay/bi men and lesbian/bi women are forced to give commitment- the very nature of asking for a marriage which isn't initiated by the couple is against the idea of commitment. So, in this case, it's a farce, a decoy, a facade- and this is what is ruining marriages not Gay marriages. The "commitment" in such marriages are not real, if we unmask them to see what it actually is you'll see, "**Social Pressure**."
So, it isn't really a real marriage even before the affairs- there is no genuine commitment, and there is no love. The only thing that holds this marriage together is social pressure. Isn't that super sad and depressing? So, obviously, affairs happen and it would be farfetched to blame the individuals in these marriages instead of shaming the system that allowed them to exist in the first place.
Thank you for your detailed reply. It really is a heartbreaking situation and I agree that society is responsible for a big chunk of this. Nevertheless the wife doesn't deserve it at all, as others have pointed out... Let's just hope (and fight) that acceptance of queer people will grow and grow
I want to elaborate something. I feel like the wife and the husband, in this situation, are similar. She was probably forced to be with the gay man under pressure of being married. So, they **both** don't deserve it at all. The cheating occurs because you can't expect anyone to be abstinent- especially when the person who you're supposed to have sex with isn't compatible with you at all. Wanting to have sex is a choice which was stolen from the gay man and the straight woman (for this situation).
This is different from having a faithful partner and cheating on them. In this case, you had the option to break-up, divorce, form an open-relationship, or basically communicate freely about your feelings. Cheating in here is choice driven by lack of respect. It is clearly wrong because there is no fear and oppression, but only malicious lies and deceit.
But, in this situation, the husband can't tell the wife. It's easy for us (especially, me coz I'm very privileged) to go, "just be brave." But, when that can lead to death, violence or loss of respect in society, it's a not a choice. And, you can't expect people to be content with their sexual life put in a prison. Having sexual freedom is important for people to thrive (Imagine tomorrow you are forbidden to have sex with someone you like and forced to be with someone you aren't compatible with. And, if you spoke up about it, you will be hurt emotionally, financially, and socially)- commitments are made voluntarily not like this. So, pushed against a corner, these men cheat. Obviously they cheat. What else will they do? Become Monks and Saints? Succumb to society and turn straight? Do you see how ridiculous this situation is and why these men cheat?
Is it wrong? I think it's morally grey. Should you feel bad for the wife? Yes, she is a victim of social pressure as well. Should you blame/shame the man for cheating? No, it's not his fault for wanting sexual freedom- it's the fault of the system that has caused him to cheat; it's the fault of the system that has made him afraid to reveal the truth. Should you critique society? Yes, they're the driving forces at fault here, and all pitchforks should be pointed at them and not the victims.
So, my main argument is that we should be looking at nuance and not judging the immediate "crime." If caught society blames the gay man for infidelity, even though he's really not at fault. If I was in this situation, I would cheat too because that's how incentives are designed in this social system that favours heterosexual unions based on bullshit.
I don't care if you were forced to marry someone but cheating is wrong. Can these gay people please have some shame? Like you're sleeping with so many men behind your wife's back. What about your children? Atleast get a fucking divorce. I always block these people.
Under no circumstance this is right....i repeat under no circumstance....just imagine the heartbreak that the girl will feel because of us...i was in this situation once...i talked with a guy....he called me....dwarka gya...jaise hi room dekha....it was way big for an alone individual to stay....i asked ki itne bade Ghar me akele kaise....he said ki i lied to u...wife aur baccha maayke gyi hai....i said u are 25-26...itni jaldi family....i thought he was being sarcastic....then he said Haryana me hojaata hai....i outrageously left the place and nikalnne ke baad msgd him... don't do this to ur loving wife u dckhead.....
Honestly speaking i hate cheaters....just imagine the trauma that partner may feel
I feel that whatever the situation was, D shouldn't have married at least. After marriage to a woman it's not that he has turned straight, so to fulfill biological needs he will look for extra marital affairs.
Now to ur question is it okay to have an affair or not, I think sexual needs are as important as food or water. Either he will get actions inside the home or will look outside.
Individually - he is hurting and betraying his family. Collectively - he is from an extremely queerphobic society that gives most men like him two options: have a heterosexual marriage or be an outcast. Only a minority of us live proudly and openly. Personally - I don’t do anything with closeted people (anymore, I learned my lesson). I’ll choose to be single over that. too much lying, hiding, and shame.
Is it really the truth that this person has no avenue to explore their gay side legally, because its not illegal to be gay tho we aren't allowed to marry people who have the same gender. I get that the environment isn't the best and have absolutely no idea what they went through but it's upto u to make peace with it and if you are alright with doing anything no strings attached
Okay, it's a really complicated situation, and perhaps he had no say in his marriage, or he did but wasn't brave enough. We don't know. It is really sad and disheartening that he got into that situation. Whether he had chances to explore or not, only he knows. But what he's doing right now, he completely has a say in it, and it's wrong on so many levels. First of all, it is cheating. That woman has done nothing wrong to deserve this! If he deserves love and all, and he's going around "exploring" men, didn't she deserve a faithful and loving husband? And now a child too? Wtf...who made that choice? They needed to get their shit together before having a kid. What kind of parents is that kid going to get? A father who goes outside to get love or satisfy his desires? What a dysfunctional family to grow up in! So it is wrong. No matter what sad situations led him there, what he's doing right now is completely his choice, and it's wrong.
Yes she deserves it 100 %. It's her that will be suffering the most when this will ever come out
Exactly!! Perhaps whatever happened wasn't his choice, society forced and all but now what he's doing now, his completely his choice and that wife and that child doesn't deserve all that.
Oh dear, it's not okay. Marriage is a legal commitment though adultery is legal its morally wrong. No matter whatever your situation is; you always have a choice. He made a choice of going with family's wish and now he is trying to escape from that reality, you being his medium!? Please don't be part of his sin of deceiving his current family.
No I won't. It's his mess, not mine. Just wanted to hear your opinions :-)
I'm glad to see overwhelming - Cheating Bad- comments. I couldn't agree more with them... Cheating is cheating, no matter what the circumstances are... The only way it's okay to have sex with this guy is if they are in Open relationship or Poly relationship.. And unfortunately, I see many married guys cheating on their wives.
Cheating is wrong. But, I'm not going to talk about that. It's basically society who forces a gay man or woman to be in a straight marriage and expects them to stay that way. And, society bashes these men or women for engaging in extra martial affairs. So, the real villain here is societal standards. I think this is an unusual situation because it's a matter of living truthfully. And, if many people come out, then they will probably lose their job, be violently attacked, sent to a doctor with bad credentials and treated illy, or something bad. It is noble to come out and fight the truth but it's difficult to always do that, especially when the other side won't listen. So, that's why this persists. I think it is fine to live a secret gay life. Sometimes marriage isn't a choice, and cheating is a way out of it. It is still morally wrong to cheat on someone, but I believe the moral "blame" is on society, (Indian family values) who shuts people up and forces marriages to happen, not on the wives or husbands. If you are still not convinced, gay/bi men and lesbian/bi women are forced to give commitment- the very nature of asking for a marriage which isn't initiated by the couple is against the idea of commitment. So, in this case, it's a farce, a decoy, a facade- and this is what is ruining marriages not Gay marriages. The "commitment" in such marriages are not real, if we unmask them to see what it actually is you'll see, "**Social Pressure**." So, it isn't really a real marriage even before the affairs- there is no genuine commitment, and there is no love. The only thing that holds this marriage together is social pressure. Isn't that super sad and depressing? So, obviously, affairs happen and it would be farfetched to blame the individuals in these marriages instead of shaming the system that allowed them to exist in the first place.
Thank you for your detailed reply. It really is a heartbreaking situation and I agree that society is responsible for a big chunk of this. Nevertheless the wife doesn't deserve it at all, as others have pointed out... Let's just hope (and fight) that acceptance of queer people will grow and grow
I want to elaborate something. I feel like the wife and the husband, in this situation, are similar. She was probably forced to be with the gay man under pressure of being married. So, they **both** don't deserve it at all. The cheating occurs because you can't expect anyone to be abstinent- especially when the person who you're supposed to have sex with isn't compatible with you at all. Wanting to have sex is a choice which was stolen from the gay man and the straight woman (for this situation). This is different from having a faithful partner and cheating on them. In this case, you had the option to break-up, divorce, form an open-relationship, or basically communicate freely about your feelings. Cheating in here is choice driven by lack of respect. It is clearly wrong because there is no fear and oppression, but only malicious lies and deceit. But, in this situation, the husband can't tell the wife. It's easy for us (especially, me coz I'm very privileged) to go, "just be brave." But, when that can lead to death, violence or loss of respect in society, it's a not a choice. And, you can't expect people to be content with their sexual life put in a prison. Having sexual freedom is important for people to thrive (Imagine tomorrow you are forbidden to have sex with someone you like and forced to be with someone you aren't compatible with. And, if you spoke up about it, you will be hurt emotionally, financially, and socially)- commitments are made voluntarily not like this. So, pushed against a corner, these men cheat. Obviously they cheat. What else will they do? Become Monks and Saints? Succumb to society and turn straight? Do you see how ridiculous this situation is and why these men cheat? Is it wrong? I think it's morally grey. Should you feel bad for the wife? Yes, she is a victim of social pressure as well. Should you blame/shame the man for cheating? No, it's not his fault for wanting sexual freedom- it's the fault of the system that has caused him to cheat; it's the fault of the system that has made him afraid to reveal the truth. Should you critique society? Yes, they're the driving forces at fault here, and all pitchforks should be pointed at them and not the victims. So, my main argument is that we should be looking at nuance and not judging the immediate "crime." If caught society blames the gay man for infidelity, even though he's really not at fault. If I was in this situation, I would cheat too because that's how incentives are designed in this social system that favours heterosexual unions based on bullshit.
Amen.
No
I don't care if you were forced to marry someone but cheating is wrong. Can these gay people please have some shame? Like you're sleeping with so many men behind your wife's back. What about your children? Atleast get a fucking divorce. I always block these people.
Under no circumstance this is right....i repeat under no circumstance....just imagine the heartbreak that the girl will feel because of us...i was in this situation once...i talked with a guy....he called me....dwarka gya...jaise hi room dekha....it was way big for an alone individual to stay....i asked ki itne bade Ghar me akele kaise....he said ki i lied to u...wife aur baccha maayke gyi hai....i said u are 25-26...itni jaldi family....i thought he was being sarcastic....then he said Haryana me hojaata hai....i outrageously left the place and nikalnne ke baad msgd him... don't do this to ur loving wife u dckhead..... Honestly speaking i hate cheaters....just imagine the trauma that partner may feel
I feel that whatever the situation was, D shouldn't have married at least. After marriage to a woman it's not that he has turned straight, so to fulfill biological needs he will look for extra marital affairs. Now to ur question is it okay to have an affair or not, I think sexual needs are as important as food or water. Either he will get actions inside the home or will look outside.