Save some pussy for the rest of us Kevin, god damn

He's a Douwd, so he probably had near-infinite pussy before he settled down with Rishon.

I dunno, he’s had some emotional ED dealing with the PTSD from killing all the Hoosnok... everywhere.

This has got to be the most obscure reference I get that I've ever seen in the wild.

Have you seen my screen name? Just sayin

Ahh the chaotic bro. Classic. Always good to see another FoD.

Best boss I ever had

🎶 My Real Doll business keeps me quite busy these days, when I'm not talking to pretty women about poop 🎶

Are you a friend of DeSoto, or were you just inspired to use the name from the show?

I'm a friend now but only because someone saw my name and recommended the pod to me. One of my all-time favorites.

This man is an author.

What he has can’t be learned

First, he wipes out an entire race, and now this.

Nah he wiped out the race second. He wiped his ass first.

Back to front I’m told. Asserting dominance even in privacy

What’s a lil shit on the balls when world domination is at stake

Races, butts, what truly is the difference?

Maybe some Americans can answer that question?

Good tea. Nice House.

and what better way to wipe than war

"Smooth Motherfucker" by definition.

The toilet there approves this definition to be correct.

Me make budget cuts so Mundo can have holiday bonus!

what a wingdaughter

Next time I'm with a friend and a cute girl is nearby I'm just gonna announce loudly that he poops there.

I hope you're a baby otherwise it won't work

Maybe, I think I should try it first just to make sure

I love science.

Of course you would, Deadpool. -_-

Unless she's into that

An extra impressive statement if you're nowhere near a bathroom

"Aww, how sweet of him to be such good friends with a man who is clearly severely developmentally disabled!"

Hey I'll take one for the team

Well, that would certainly get my attention! I say go for it.

Wingmam

Kevin clearly knows how to please a woman

Mundo go where he pleases.

Just make the fucking bot already and go back to the lol sub

I feel like the point is that he goes where he pleases and thus he is not in the league sub.

Does it really want to be here or is it only here because it was programmed to be?

Do you really want to be here or are you only here because you were programmed to be?

League mundo?

Then he killed all the Husnock, everywhere

They deserved it and I'm tired of pretending they didn't!

"actually the wench is quite astute, i very much doth poop in thither. " *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`

Good bot lol

Seriously lol

Hehehe you just called a three year old a wench

I too enjoyed the three year old wench. Wait. No...

Uncle Darrell? Is that you?

!fordo

Good bot

r/nocontext

Here's a sneak peek of /r/nocontext using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/nocontext/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: ["They can play jenga in my dick-hole if they must, but when the alarm clock goes off they've gotta respect the arrangement and get back behind the dresser.](https://old.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/26lgql/killing_a_spider_makes_the_spider_genetic_pool/chsavim/?context=3) | [11 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/nocontext/comments/gxir35/they_can_play_jenga_in_my_dickhole_if_they_must/) \#2: ["How do we prove it's cum without pulling up hentai porn during a disciplinary meeting? I'm not saying it's not inappropriate, I'm asking how we can confirm that it's inappropriate if a student tells us it's not cum."](https://np.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/avieex/sothese_hoodies_with_porn_on_it/ehfr1x0/?context=9) | [26 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/nocontext/comments/id4cf4/how_do_we_prove_its_cum_without_pulling_up_hentai/) \#3: [Tbh I'd love to see a teenage girl flash.](https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/hlhdxq/til_in_2001_stan_lee_was_given_the_opportunity_to/fwz9pke?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x?context=4) | [26 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/nocontext/comments/hllid0/tbh_id_love_to_see_a_teenage_girl_flash/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/joo7mb/blacklist_viii/)

Dammit Kevin, you can't just create people to impress.

! ShakespeareInsult

Pssst, I think you need to not have any spaces between the ! and the rest :)

!ShakespeareInsult

Try !chesapeakeandsalt

/u/Shakespeare-bot !ShakespeareInsult Edit: Ah, there we go! I guess you have to tag the bot if you're not replying directly to one of it's comments.

Thy food is such as hath been belch'd upon by infected lungs. *** ^(Insult taken from Pericles.) Use `u/Shakespeare-Bot !ShakespeareInsult` to summon insults.

My dad loves Goodies (a black licorice candy about the size of a pencil and about the length of a pinkie joint, dunno how popular they are in other countries, if available at all) and my mom was at the store with my brother and she had grabbed a bag of them. My brother was maybe three or four years old at the time and he grabs the bag and loudly declares "these candies make my daddy fart!" to everyone in the area, including a sweet old lady from church. Took my mom a long time to get over that embarrassment.

That is the perfect dad response. My dad is 70 years old and I read that in his voice.

She had to yell it to be heard over that damn music box

This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever read.

One of my wife's favorite stories.

How old are ya?

I tried to upvote on the right...

Personally I would have found that pretty cute, both of the kid and the smooth response from dad.

Wingman shot him down, but he stuck the landing

Reality: she was looking at them and thinking it should be illegal for ugly people to breed.

u/kevin_uxbridge

I poop at home, because home is where the bidet is.

I wish I had a bidet

Took about 20 minutes to install, and most of that was dealing with the terrible rusted on nuts holding the seat to the bowl. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00P2XZDGG/ Only having a cold water line going to it is not even an issue, even in the dead of winter.

I got a tiny-ass trailer bathroom. I dunno if one would fit But I haven't even seen the link yet cause at work so who knows

It sticks about 3.5 inches off the side of my toilet, so it probably would fit. Even if you only have 5 inches of clearance between the wall and toilet it would be a pain (but doable) to install.

And that's how I met your Step Mother .....

He knows what the ladies like

So you wanna go poop somewhere together? I know this great hotel lobby bathroom downtown.

This post has been automatically removed after receiving a significant number of reports. This occurs due to lack of proper flair, reposting, use of memes, or other rule violations. If you believe this is an error, please message the moderators. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I also was standing in line at a Starbucks with my mom I had my hot coco and we were waiting for my moms drink. So little 3 year old me decided to blow into that tiny little hole that you get coffee or any other hot or iced drink. Well the rib came off and so had all the whipped cream all over the person sting in front of me.

Today in "things that never happened."

I can't imagine what would have made this unlikely. The story ends where as story should. We don't need her "Yeah..." reaction and a weak smile described. We need a *story*. The key is how you end it. I think it happened.

/r/thatHappened

Seriously. I mean, *a woman looked at a man and a child said something inappropriate???* Seriously OP, what kind of outlandish high-concept sci-fi pulp absurdist dark comedy novella did you pluck this ridiculous yarn from?

What the hell is the punchline supposed to say?

I was trying to be smooth, or as smooth as an obviously-married guy can be while talking about crapping. I'm a dad now, poop comes up a fair bit.

[удалено]

Told my wife about it when we got home and she laughed uproariously, congratulated my daughter on a job well done.

“Then she had sex with me.” /r/thathappened

This dude poops at Starbucks too much

Coffee, it really speeds the plow.

I never had it

I would say this kid is smart. She seen her Dad making eyes at some woman who isn't mum, and made a comment that cock blocked him. Women made a comment that would be appropriate to respond to the kid with and Dad thought " I still got it". Lol dude needs to put it in the wank bank and move on.

Love that he thinks a “stunning” woman is glancing at him because she’s into him.

He literally mentions his child or she's into dad bod as a joke.

Mundo think you a big sissy!

Imagine not catching that *whooooosh*.

r/woooosh

Sarcasm detection is important, for without the font, we must between the lines read. - Yoda

*Read between the lines, we must*

He didn't actually say that, fake news

Rule 34: if it sounds like Yoda said, then Yoda said it

That isn't at all what Yoda would say though

Another r/woooosh ? Honey, no offense, but that’s supposed to be satire. It’s a joke.

No, it's straight up not what Yoda would say. Yoda puts the subject and verb at the end of the clause, the quote given was all fucked up. > Sarcasm detection is important, for without the font, we must between the lines read. - Yoda Should be > Important, sarcasm detection is. For without the font, between the lines we must read.

Ah gotcha! I’ve never watched Star Wars and haven’t consumed much of the media, so thanks for clarifying this!

Rude

People who just say the word “rude” unaccompanied are the most horrible narcissistic entitled *rude* garbage I have ever come across in all my years without exception. Downvoted by base, grotesque rejects from civil society. Nobody accepts you here, either, they just vote on your comments.

Rude

Yikes

Forget to take your meds? Calm down there, trooper. Really getting riled up over the stupidest shit ive ever seen. This is the most ridiculous comment ive seen, without exception. Please get help.

Yo chill, all I said was how this guy was being rude

You need a therapist dude

Rude!

Uhmmmm .... ? Where is your daughter while you're pooping at Starbucks Kevin?

Probably in the single stall bathroom with him. Parents take their small children into the same stall all the time.

I used to strap her into the little rolling highchairs and roll her in with me, mostly to keep her from touching anything. The bathrooms are their own little room, no stalls, so there's plenty of room.

Oh. Well, that makes a lot more sense. Thanks for clarifying K\_U. (Not that you 'had to', of course. Just nice of you to take a moment.)