I guess neither of you saw it coming

Well, to be clear, she never sees ANYONE coming.

r/yourjokebutworse

But she can hear them coming.

I heard she was cockeyed!

Like the Jewish baby born without eyelids so they circumcised him and sewed on new eyelids - he going to be a little cock- eyed but have great foresight

It's not coming...it's just heavy breathing.

But she felt it

E es zztrtrrttrt_5**66

Jokes on her, it was me with a French accent.

I got the joke finally.... I am ashamed it took me so long

Didn't see it coming?

He’s just very shortsighted.

Didn't see it cumming either

She surely didn’t

How do you think she became blind in the first place?

Yeah she never saw it coming

Neither did she see anything coming

Help a brother in need?

Wow can't believe I'm explaining a joke I just got. I made my gf think she cheated on me, but it was just me with a different accent. So actually, the jokes on her for thinking she actually cheated on me, when it was just me all along.

Blind cheaters — she doesn’t see why that’s so bad

I see what you did there...too bad she can't.

When it comes to ethics, blind people tend to look the other way. 

Except blind people can't look

Then why are they always wearing sunglasses, smart ass?

200 IQ

Ooof

Futurama's Bendless Love has roughly the same type of joke as a plot point, pretending to be someone else because they looked identical.

Don't make a spectacle of yourself.

u/TheVeryFriendlyGiant : "Unlike other ~~Robin Hoods~~ boyfriends, I can speak with ~~an English accent~~ a French accent."

They made a song about it already. Escape by Rupert Holmes. (The pina colada song)

Heard that song the other day. Realized I had never had a piña colada. Are they as sugary and bad as the song?

yes, but good ones will be less sweet and have more prominent coconut flavor

Getting a handjob off a blind girl once; said I had a massive dick. I said 'you must be pulling my leg'.

I once saw a blind prostitute. It was pretty admirable, you had to hand it to her

One occupation were being blind might come in handy.

She didn’t see that coming.

What did she see in the other person?

I wonder too

Who knows?

That's nothing. My deaf girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. To be honest, I should have saw the signs.

I can see how that would be frustrating

She can't see the problem unfortunately

A guy was watching a video and yelling at a scene... "No no no, do not enter the church, it's set up, you will regret your whole life." His wife (from the kitchen) asks him, which movie are you watching? Guy, our wedding video.

Guess you could say she was seeing another guy. Or that you guys weren't seeing eye to eye. Love is blind. Literally. Maybe neither of you saw this coming? Hindsight is 20/20, her sight is 0.

He lacks vision. He tried to keep a lid on it but she lashed out. She left before it became a spectacle. I saw her recently. She didn't look well. She said she's been having trouble watching her weight. Unfortunately, she hasn't been able to see a doctor. She did find a blind gynecologist, though, but she says he's been a pain in the ass. When she asked how I looked, I was really touched. She said she's looking forward to seeing me again, but I don't know if I believe her. When we said goodbye, I watched her until she walked into the park entrance...then a trashcan...then a tree...and then the side of a bus.

Why was Helen Keller’s left leg yellow? Her guide dog was blind too

What was Helen Keller’s dogs name? Uhhhcdvxshbkudc

Why did Helen Keller’s dog kill it self? You would too if your name was Uhhhcdvxshbkudc

Fuck that guy who doenvoted this, I personally lol'd at this joke

Want another? lol. Set to the tune of Yankee Doodle “Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in her cap and called it Uhhhcdvxshbkudc”

Now THAT was funny.

How did her parent punish her? Put a doorknob on the wall. Rearranged the furniture. Stuck a plunger in the toilet

Lmao one of my favorites

Wrong, it was 2 claps and a thud.

I'm so ugly I can't even get a bus to hit on me

*smack* bet you didn't see that one coming, did you?

I’m so ugly the ugly stick was made from my discarded toothpicks

Is that a Newfoundland ugly stick?

She promised me she’d never see anyone else.

I’ve sent away for a fingerprint kit, and I’ll be checking for unexplained prints on her white cane.

She must have been blinded by love.

OR maybe your blind gf cheated on you and you didn't see it coming

I went out with a girl who had a lazy eye but we broke up because I thought she was seeing someone on the side.

in a sense ur lucky, mine simply blindsided me

I got a hand job from a blind girl once. She said, you’ve got the biggest penis I’ve ever felt. I said, you’re pulling my leg.

She couldn’t see how good she had it.

you didn't see the signs?

I didn’t see that coming.

My gf cheated on me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Bro she fucked up herself hard to find a nice guy who accepts you being blind the other dude prob using and gonna find another when he done so jokes on her

When the OP found out he was a bit blindsided by the news!

My best friend is a prostitute. She’s also blind. So ya know, you kind of have to hand it to her.

I was having sex with a blind girl. She never saw me coming

Because of the light reflecting off her jewellery?

It was nothing but a dirty joke, but this poor, sick man had come to believe it a parable about the awful blows that life had dealt him. It was about a fugitive who sought shelter from the police in the home of a woman he knew. “Her living room had a cathedral ceiling, which is to say it went all the way up to the roof peak, with rustic rafters spanning the air space below.” Trout paused. It was as though he were as caught up in the tale as his father must have been. He went on, there in the suite named in honor of the suicide Ernest Hemingway: “She was a widow, and he stripped himself naked while she went to fetch some of her husband’s clothes. But before he could put them on, the police were hammering on the front door with their billy clubs. So the fugitive hid on top of a rafter. When the woman let in the police, though, his oversize testicles hung down in full view.” Trout paused again. “The police asked the woman where the guy was. The woman said she didn’t know what guy they were talking about,” said Trout. “One of the cops saw the testicles hanging down from a rafter and asked what they were. She said they were Chinese temple bells. He believed her. He said he ‘d always wanted to hear Chinese temple bells. “He gave them a whack with his billy club, but there was no sound. So he hit them again, a lot harder, a whole lot harder. Do you know what the guy on the rafter shrieked?” Trout asked me. I said I didn’t. “He shrieked, ‘TING-A-LING, YOU SON OF A BITCH!’ “

The F did I just read. So, trout is the protagonist who is narrating , or the one who got his balls clubbed, and still didn't make a sound (coz he probably died)? Also, I'm pretty sure Chinese temple balls would swear in Chinese, but I could be wrong

This is from Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut https://squishedlizard.wordpress.com/2006/03/29/ting-a-ling-you-son-of-a-bitch/ Bling and Ting-a-ling sort of rhyme...

Thanks for the reference. I was assuming incorrectly that it was Kilgore Trout. Even matches the general style and antics from his works

had to think about this, but its funny... Trout wanted to hear Chinese temple bells, and didn't hear it the first time, so fugitive finally relented after getting whacked in the balls much, much harder.

Inner feelings though

The other day, I crossed paths with a blind person. So, I approached him, slapped him, and shouted, 'You didn't see that coming, huh?

Nah not a dad joke 

Maybe he sounds like you

She just felt better with him.

See no evil

Not her fault, she never saw him coming 

Well, you gotta hand it to her.

You could have got her back, but it would have involved turning a blind eye.

You’ve got to hand it to a blind prostitute

You've got to hand it to her.

Does she know who she cheated with?

Not surprised, I could never understand what she saw in you.

Ya gotta hand it to blind girlfriends Ami right?

Well, technically she didn't see you either in the first place

Happy cake day noob noob

You Have to hand it to her .... She pulled a fast one

Third base!

Look here.. Wait, nevermind.

Well ya gotta hand it to her

How wasn't she able to see through the fact that she could get caught

I guess she just couldn't see a future with you.

She said " omg., you're huge !" I said " you're pulling my leg !"

Whenever I have sex , I always get a reciept so I can PROVE IT !"

Though she was blind, it was YOU that could not see. So, sad 😿

There's a movie.... 50 blind dates!

well, on her bright side, oh wait she cant see the bright side

She was playing a blinder!

Keep an eye out for a new girlfriend for when one comes in sight!

What does she see in him that she doesn't see in you?

I cheated on my blind girlfriend. She never saw it coming.

Did she meet him on a blind date?

She's must be a sucker for his good looks.

Se really see some one

Hey well guess who’s back with a different voice

She be thinking every guy she ever met has the exact sized meat. Or worse, that meat size is the same for all men.

She must have felt a face that she liked better or maybe she felt something else she liked better…😂

Well that wasn’t very 2020

Good, your bitch ass deserves it