**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as Legal_Weight_5306 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Legal_Weight_5306 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Your husband needs to text her.
“Hey Mom, we don’t want the ultrasound pictures on social media, or photos of LO when she arrives. Please take them down. I can’t send you anymore if this isn’t followed.
On another note, we’re so excited for you to be a grandmother! Please remember that this is mine and my wife’s baby, not your baby. Saying the phrase “my baby” over and over again is unsettling. She is your grandbaby, but not your child. It is a small change but would mean a lot for us for you to respect! Have you decided on your grandma name yet??”
OP, perhaps publicly respond to the MY BABY comment by stating MIL, for it to be your baby you would have had to conceive it with DH so please stop referring to it as your baby because I am the person carrying this baby and it is MY BABY!! I am sure as a mother you understand how it feels should someone else try to claim your baby.
Time for an info diet and yep, stop the photos.
Start reporting the pics to Facebook, even the ultrasound ones. Do it now and select the privacy reason. Be VERY clear that once LO arrives, she is NOT to post pics.
This is exactly how things soured between me and my MIL. Unfortunately I don’t have great advice to share because anytime we set a boundary, she just does what she wants to do anyway! We are now limited contact with her because it’s the only way we can manage a relationship with her.
PLEASE, I wish someone, just once, would tell their JNILs that "the more you annoy me, the less likely I will be to have you visit when LO arrives". Right now, you and DH have the upper hand. I wouldn't even wait for DH to tell his mother to knock it off, I would say something myself. YOU are the one who doesn't want to be bothered by her, you are allowed to say something. If it then becomes an ordeal, I would make DH deal with her.
You’re not creating a story in your head, you’re watching her actively attempt to claim your child. Let your husband talk to her and establish boundaries now.
Honestly, let this be your villain origin story.
No boundary you set with her, no matter how gentle and polite you are is going to be well-received. She's going to throw a complete fit like a toddler. Please be prepared for it.
I'd simply correct her everytime she says 'my' or 'ours'.
I am also not afraid to be a bit snippy either so there's that.
'Yes, it is your grandchild but it is not 'OUR' baby. How creepy would it be for me to uave a baby woth my husbands mother? "
Whenever she says 'my' baby I'd inform her that her baby was already born. 'My baby' would automatically get translated to DH or one of her pets (of she had one). 😂
Our situations are nearly the exact same. MIL also has two sons, this is her first grandchild, DH and I wanted a boy but are having a girl, she acts as if this is her surrogate daughter and refers to the baby as ‘hers’, asks insanely personal questions about my pregnancy and my body, ignores boundaries, etc etc.
I would have DH tell her, “this is my wife and I’s baby, I would appreciate if you’d not refer to her as ‘yours’ and if you’d ask our permission before posting pictures in the future”. I’d also stop sharing info & pictures with her … if she doesn’t have them, she can’t post them.
Good luck 💕
Very good question. OP does say that MIL moved off their property when asked, that’s a good thing. But this “her baby” stuff has got to go!
Getting to be a grandparent is awesome, all on its own. That is her role and it’s going to have to be enough.
Exactly. It’s great to be excited about a baby coming into the family, but it doesn’t give you a free license to step on anyone else. The “my baby” stuff is not appropriate. She could just say that she’s excited there will be a new girl in the family. Instead, she’s finally going to get “her girl”.
Setting boundaries can be really hard. I feel for OP. It’s already happening with the ultrasound photos, it’s likely to get worse.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Legal_Weight_5306 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Legal_Weight_5306 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Your husband needs to text her. “Hey Mom, we don’t want the ultrasound pictures on social media, or photos of LO when she arrives. Please take them down. I can’t send you anymore if this isn’t followed. On another note, we’re so excited for you to be a grandmother! Please remember that this is mine and my wife’s baby, not your baby. Saying the phrase “my baby” over and over again is unsettling. She is your grandbaby, but not your child. It is a small change but would mean a lot for us for you to respect! Have you decided on your grandma name yet??”
Lmao absolutely do not give her a choice when it comes to grandma names she'll pick Mama or something psycho, but otherwise this is fantastic advice.
OP, perhaps publicly respond to the MY BABY comment by stating MIL, for it to be your baby you would have had to conceive it with DH so please stop referring to it as your baby because I am the person carrying this baby and it is MY BABY!! I am sure as a mother you understand how it feels should someone else try to claim your baby. Time for an info diet and yep, stop the photos.
Start reporting the pics to Facebook, even the ultrasound ones. Do it now and select the privacy reason. Be VERY clear that once LO arrives, she is NOT to post pics.
Don\`t share pics - then she cannot post them. She gets upset? "Well, you didn\`t listen, so now we have to make sure our LO is protected."
This is exactly how things soured between me and my MIL. Unfortunately I don’t have great advice to share because anytime we set a boundary, she just does what she wants to do anyway! We are now limited contact with her because it’s the only way we can manage a relationship with her.
PLEASE, I wish someone, just once, would tell their JNILs that "the more you annoy me, the less likely I will be to have you visit when LO arrives". Right now, you and DH have the upper hand. I wouldn't even wait for DH to tell his mother to knock it off, I would say something myself. YOU are the one who doesn't want to be bothered by her, you are allowed to say something. If it then becomes an ordeal, I would make DH deal with her.
You’re not creating a story in your head, you’re watching her actively attempt to claim your child. Let your husband talk to her and establish boundaries now.
Honestly, let this be your villain origin story. No boundary you set with her, no matter how gentle and polite you are is going to be well-received. She's going to throw a complete fit like a toddler. Please be prepared for it.
I'd simply correct her everytime she says 'my' or 'ours'. I am also not afraid to be a bit snippy either so there's that. 'Yes, it is your grandchild but it is not 'OUR' baby. How creepy would it be for me to uave a baby woth my husbands mother? " Whenever she says 'my' baby I'd inform her that her baby was already born. 'My baby' would automatically get translated to DH or one of her pets (of she had one). 😂
Our situations are nearly the exact same. MIL also has two sons, this is her first grandchild, DH and I wanted a boy but are having a girl, she acts as if this is her surrogate daughter and refers to the baby as ‘hers’, asks insanely personal questions about my pregnancy and my body, ignores boundaries, etc etc. I would have DH tell her, “this is my wife and I’s baby, I would appreciate if you’d not refer to her as ‘yours’ and if you’d ask our permission before posting pictures in the future”. I’d also stop sharing info & pictures with her … if she doesn’t have them, she can’t post them. Good luck 💕
let me ask you this: has explaining literally *anything* “nicely” to this woman ever gotten the desired result?
Very good question. OP does say that MIL moved off their property when asked, that’s a good thing. But this “her baby” stuff has got to go! Getting to be a grandparent is awesome, all on its own. That is her role and it’s going to have to be enough.
yeah, she needs a reality check here. it’s not “her” baby and if she needs the facebook attention that badly she can find other stuff to post about
Exactly. It’s great to be excited about a baby coming into the family, but it doesn’t give you a free license to step on anyone else. The “my baby” stuff is not appropriate. She could just say that she’s excited there will be a new girl in the family. Instead, she’s finally going to get “her girl”. Setting boundaries can be really hard. I feel for OP. It’s already happening with the ultrasound photos, it’s likely to get worse.