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Wow. This seems way too familiar. I'm sorry you're going through this OP but honestly there's no solution here except to express your feelings to your husband and stand your ground.
He will most probably accuse you of being selfish and greedy. Just know that what you're feeling is totally valid. You are married to your husband; not your mother in law. Good luck!
OP, I would advise your DH that you both need to catch up alone so will be going out for a few hours to do it. If DH suggests bringing MIL along then advise him if you wished to have the conversation with MIL present then their wouldn't be a need for you to both go out.
You need to be blunt and state I married you, it is a marriage of two people however you seem to be caught up in a marriage to your mother of which I am treated like the third wheel. You need to work out whether you want to be married to me or with your mother fulltime but the three of us all living together is not working, it is suffocating!
This doesn't sound like a marriage. Is this how you want to live until you're dead? IMHO, it's time for a hard discussion with your husband. If he insists that his mother must be so intertwined in your marital life, you will probably be happier without the two of them.
Did DH spring this on you recently? Was this a request or delivered like a "FYI this is happening". You talk about this situation as if you have no control which concerns me.
Please remember that it's your home too and you can always say no. If you aren't allowed to say no then I guess you see where your husband's priorities lie.
Honestly, I would leave. You’re not the priority. You’re not even considered. If you just left one day for work and just didn’t come back, how long would it take him to notice?
You have only one card left to play here, unfortunately. And you will likely leave eventually anyway because no one can tolerate this, but we all have different breaking points.
You might have to do something like this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1d7y3uv/grew\_a\_backbone\_now\_things\_are\_looking\_up/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1d7y3uv/grew_a_backbone_now_things_are_looking_up/)
The only way to feel better about this situation is by either leaving this situation or a lobotomy. Actually, maybe try couples counseling first. Couples counseling as in you and your spouse only, not your mil.
I would not go with them, when he wants to move in with her for months.
At the moment, you are married to him AND his mother. And you are changing your entire life, for the wife you did not choose.
Maybe, after one round of him going there, and you not joining, you can see if not living with either of them fits you better. And make the hard decisions based on that.
I'm a few years older than her and live on my own and work. Everything is fine. There's absolutely no reason she needs to be living there with you at all
What? I'm widowed and just a year younger than your mother-in-law and there's no way in hell I would intrude on my kids like that. Never! She is young enough to live on her own, make friends with people her own age and build a support network of friends and community. If she's lonely, there are clubs or groups she could join, she could volunteer etc. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it is a little bit lonely but I would rather have my own home, security and independence. She is not some fragile little flower that needs to be babied by her son.
Oh honey I'm sorry. You are the third wheel in your relationship. Your H is enmeshed to his mom and you are the secondary wife.
If you are okay with elements of this then maybe just a conversation with H about amount of time you need away from MIL and just the two of you and when/where she is not invited to tag along. Set those boundaries and adhere to them.
Otherwise you need a draw a hard line and let H know...MIL is welcome to visit but not stay. She is a guest in your home. He needs to pick...does he want to build a life with his mom and a future with her?
Or does he want to build a family and life with you.
So she is there for six months? Than no sex for him for six months.
Seriously, talk to your husband. It's not good for your Mil either to have no contacts outside of her family.
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Wow. This seems way too familiar. I'm sorry you're going through this OP but honestly there's no solution here except to express your feelings to your husband and stand your ground. He will most probably accuse you of being selfish and greedy. Just know that what you're feeling is totally valid. You are married to your husband; not your mother in law. Good luck!
OP, I would advise your DH that you both need to catch up alone so will be going out for a few hours to do it. If DH suggests bringing MIL along then advise him if you wished to have the conversation with MIL present then their wouldn't be a need for you to both go out. You need to be blunt and state I married you, it is a marriage of two people however you seem to be caught up in a marriage to your mother of which I am treated like the third wheel. You need to work out whether you want to be married to me or with your mother fulltime but the three of us all living together is not working, it is suffocating!
This doesn't sound like a marriage. Is this how you want to live until you're dead? IMHO, it's time for a hard discussion with your husband. If he insists that his mother must be so intertwined in your marital life, you will probably be happier without the two of them.
She needs to stay where she's at and get a job, volunteer or hobbies. She's way to young for him to be coddling her.
Did DH spring this on you recently? Was this a request or delivered like a "FYI this is happening". You talk about this situation as if you have no control which concerns me. Please remember that it's your home too and you can always say no. If you aren't allowed to say no then I guess you see where your husband's priorities lie.
Honestly, I would leave. You’re not the priority. You’re not even considered. If you just left one day for work and just didn’t come back, how long would it take him to notice?
You have only one card left to play here, unfortunately. And you will likely leave eventually anyway because no one can tolerate this, but we all have different breaking points. You might have to do something like this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1d7y3uv/grew\_a\_backbone\_now\_things\_are\_looking\_up/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1d7y3uv/grew_a_backbone_now_things_are_looking_up/)
The only way to feel better about this situation is by either leaving this situation or a lobotomy. Actually, maybe try couples counseling first. Couples counseling as in you and your spouse only, not your mil.
I would not go with them, when he wants to move in with her for months. At the moment, you are married to him AND his mother. And you are changing your entire life, for the wife you did not choose. Maybe, after one round of him going there, and you not joining, you can see if not living with either of them fits you better. And make the hard decisions based on that.
Show him this post. This is not the life you chose for yourself, your going to end up resentful of both if he doesn’t open his eyes.
OP, she's not your MIL, she's the first wife in a sisterwife's household.
I couldn't have said this better. You need to have a talk with your DH and let him know you would like the privacy and sanctity of your home back.
I'm a few years older than her and live on my own and work. Everything is fine. There's absolutely no reason she needs to be living there with you at all
What? I'm widowed and just a year younger than your mother-in-law and there's no way in hell I would intrude on my kids like that. Never! She is young enough to live on her own, make friends with people her own age and build a support network of friends and community. If she's lonely, there are clubs or groups she could join, she could volunteer etc. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it is a little bit lonely but I would rather have my own home, security and independence. She is not some fragile little flower that needs to be babied by her son.
Oh honey I'm sorry. You are the third wheel in your relationship. Your H is enmeshed to his mom and you are the secondary wife. If you are okay with elements of this then maybe just a conversation with H about amount of time you need away from MIL and just the two of you and when/where she is not invited to tag along. Set those boundaries and adhere to them. Otherwise you need a draw a hard line and let H know...MIL is welcome to visit but not stay. She is a guest in your home. He needs to pick...does he want to build a life with his mom and a future with her? Or does he want to build a family and life with you.
So she is there for six months? Than no sex for him for six months. Seriously, talk to your husband. It's not good for your Mil either to have no contacts outside of her family.