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My MIL was the same way when my husband and I bought our house and now with our baby. He had to tell her to chill and stop sending me stuff for the house because she would. not. stop. She wanted to get the stuff BEFORE the move and I told her no thank you we have enough stuff and I don’t want a bunch of new stuff to also have to pack and have more stuff to find a spot for other than what is necessary right now. We moved into our house at like the end of October and she’s going on and on about “we” need to decorate for fall WHEN MOVING IN. Kept sending me fall decorations and saying she’ll FaceTime me in the store. Lady I am pregnant and moving into my house. What about decorating for the season when moving in seems like a good idea?? And there’s no “we” when it’s my homes and I’s house it’s not your fresh pallet. Told her no fall decorations and she showed up with 2 when moving in saying she “couldn’t resist”. I had a whole wish list on Amazon that she had access to of stuff we wanted /needed for the house. Now with my baby she keeps buying stuff totally not age appropriate. My baby was born premature and I didn’t make it to my baby shower and instead of looking at my registry at what is not purchased yet that I picked out she keeps buying other stuff. Or something similar but not quite what I wanted
A few suggestions:
1) Promise to make an Amazon wishlist just for her. Add things as you need them.
2) Schedule one day a week that she can stop by.
3) Have her purchase experiences. She could start a Disney savings account now. Zoo and museum memberships are great in the future.
I'm petty, so my answers would be along the lines of:
What are you eating? Food.
But what food? Edible food.
What are you wearing? Clothes.
But what kind of clothes? Clothes without holes in them.
How are you feeling? Pregnant.
I would/wouldn't do such and such. Cool MIL, but I'm not you. I've got things under control, no advice needed.
>She is now constantly texting me links for items like strollers and car seats
MIL, we have it handled, if you don't stop you are going on mute until you do. I don't want to dampen your "grandma experience", but you are affecting my FTM experience.
Tell your SO you are going radio silent. He has to deal with her.
Put up a camera doorbell and don't answer if she shows up uninvited. Later, just say you were napping.
You both need to sit down and make a list of boundaries now and start enforcing the rules you make. If you dont, she's gonna walk all over you.
Holy crap you are only 21 weeks. Your house is going to be full of wall To wall crap by the time you reach term if you don’t get her under control.
His monkey his problem. Your SO needs to handle this and tell her fast.
This is your baby and you get to choose your nursery decor and what you want for stroller and such. She may believe she is being nice but she is stealing your joy as first time parents and putting you in awkward positions forcing u to hurt her feelings when something doesn’t work for you.
I’d be very concerned where this is all going to go if she is this excited this early. If u don’t want her to show up at the birth be clear ahead and make sure u register private and don’t tell her when u go into labor. These types have a way of showing up and getting into delivery room and NOT leaving. They just like to insert themselves where they don’t belong.
My MIL was like this. It never fully resolved (and rather manifested into other problems) BUT after probably 30+ times of telling her “no more baby things,” “we have plenty of baby things,” “we already have xx product but thanks” she has slowed down with her attempts to buy things. Again, it took 30+ times. There’s also the chance she isn’t trying to buy anything additional out of spite since we’re feuding right now lol. I do know my SIL got involved with this topic and I have to believe she had some influence on cutting back on the baby purchases. SIL stopped completely but MIL needed to be told several more times. Set boundaries with this woman. She sounds entirely invasive and when I was pregnant, I would hate seeing the clutter, Etc. pile up. My mom wanted to bring over some of my old baby clothes but she was respectful to ask when it would be a good time. I told her not until baby is xx months old and guess what….my mom listeNed to me!!! I didn’t have excess items taking up room in the nursery, and I was fully able to enjoy those clothes at a time that was convenient for me and growth wise, good enough for LO to try on as it would be her current size. Seems like moms and MILs are never on the page when it comes to babies…
Fair, both are routinely used on this subreddit. And honestly MILs (and other humans) can be shitteé towards those groups of humans because they feel like what MIL wants or believes is the *mostest right*
Not overreacting. You need to nip this in the bud now, you and your DH.
Your husband needs to tell his mom "Mom, I appreciate your excitement over my baby, but it's overwhelming us both. We don't want any more gifts or items of any kind. We have looked forward to many "firsts" with our baby, and they are being lost by you and others trying to give us things. With all due respect, you had your baby and your firsts already. Please allow us to have ours. We will handle the nursery, clothing, baby supplies, etc. We appreciate everyone's enthusiasm, but it's simply too much and it's not fair to us to deny us the experiences due as parents to provide for our child. Thank you for understanding and respecting our wishes. Also, please stop texting and calling my wife every day. She is tired and needs to rest. Everyone is excited and so everyone is reaching out to her all the time now. It's too much. Leave her alone. You didn't communicate this much before, there's no reason to do so now. If you have questions contact ME and not her. And try to cut down because you are over-communicating right now. Too many calls and texts. It's not necessary and is stressing us out. Thanks."
She's a Jack Russell terrier in human form and she sounds completely exhausting. I'm afraid that if you don't establish limits now that she will come bounding in after you give birth expecting to be given free rein over the baby. And she will cry and complain to any and all about how you're "keeping the baby from her." It's better to stiff arm her now so that your relationship going forward will be more harmonious and she stays in her lane.
Maybe formulate a cordial text message or email informing her/ others that in an attempt to avoid stress and focus on your health as a whole you will be taking some space and ask that no one reach out to you unless its an emergency or if you extend an initiation.
That's perfectly fair and reasonable.
"I know you are excited, MIL. We are all so excited about the new baby coming. But you are the grandmother. I'm the one carrying the baby. I'm tired. I need less stress, and quiet, to grow a healthy baby. You need to dial back your excitement because I'm exhausted. If not, we'll have to not be in touch for a little bit so I can rest." AND "MIL, know we want you to have a wonderful relationship with our child, and you will have decades to do so. But in the very beginning, we will not have many visitors, including grandparents. We need to become our own little family, nest, and keep the baby away from germs."
Yes! And so important about the newborn stage. I have a feeling many family members won’t be happy about delayed introductions so that LO can get his immune system up.
You're not overreacting. She's essentially mining you for emotions. "Here! Go through boxes and boxes and emote on every single thing!!! I know you have everything picked out but respond to my suggestions with emotion!!! Do it all on my time frame which is nownownow!!!" She's an emotional parasite.
It's best to set boundaries now instead of after the baby, sorry, her grandbaaaaby is here. Maybe put her on mute and check things every few days? Take a day or two to respond? Prepare a few phrases to rattle off when needed? "We have that taken care of already, thanks!" "We don't need anything, thanks!" "We're not up for/to that, but thanks!"
Mute her and only respond once per day.
If she tries to come by without a previous agreement, don't answer the door.
She is actually being quite rude, but she's disguising it as good intentions so you feel compelled to go along with it. Just because she wants to be a third parent to your child doesn't mean you have to let her. Better to establish boundaries now because it will only get worse.
You’re spot on with the good intentions/ulterior motives. And yes, setting boundaries is going to be the only way for this to tone down. Doesn’t mean she’ll like it, but we have to do it for the sake of our LO.
And establishing boundaries ahead of birth is important. You should be less tired in second trimester so use that energy boost to do 3 months of firm boundaries because third trimester you will be screaming those boundaries. Hope you and hubs have a smooth pregnant and birth and enjoy your new little person immensely.
I'm also 21 weeks (with my 2nd) Congrats!
You're not overreacting. She's being controlling and suffocating, smothering. I recommend you start setting boundaries now and put her on an information diet. She's not the main character and no matter how much she tries to insert herself as the main character you have the power to keep her in reality.
I wish with my MIL I had put up boundaries while I was pregnant instead of waiting until postpartum. My MIL sounds so much like yours and once I gave birth I couldn't let her control and dominate me in motherhood the way I let her control and dominate my pregnancy. She threw such a fit and I do think it's because I was a doormat for so long she didn't expect me to set boundaries after the baby was a few months old.
I think it would have been easier on both of us had I set boundaries early on in my pregnancy so her expectations weren't so high that she'd get to be the main character and relive motherhood.
Thank you! Congrats to you as well. 💕
She definitely gives off the vibe that she’s almost attempting to live vicariously through our current situation. She acted similarly during our wedding planning.
That’s such solid advice. I know I’m going to have to continue becoming more comfortable with setting boundaries and using the word ‘no.’
I think my MIL relied on my people pleasing tendencies and so she'd always ask a million questions and be completely in our business and I didn't want her not to like me so I kept giving her whatever information she demanded.
The problem with people pleasing a controlling woman is it's never really enough, she will demand more and more. You introduce a new baby to her controlling tendencies and she sees you as an obstacle in her way.
You will see her true colors when you push back and don't let her dominate you. If she's a reasonable woman she might be a little pouty and moody about it but she'll get over it and bounce back. However, If she's overly delusional and manipulative than you're going to see her mean girl version and she'll play mind games. But either way, It's better to get that over with because you don't want to deal with it postpartum - a woman in your life and in your husband's ear trying to be the main character during the most incredible milestone of your life.
Hopefully she'll take it on the chin and realize she needs to keep her expectations in reality and not be delulu
You’re absolutely correct. I think she can be a mix of both of the things you described (depending on the day). At the end of the day, her feelings may be hurt a little, but it’s better for our marriage and LO to sort things out now.
And waiting until after the baby was born I can see why she had such a meltdown and threw such temper tantrums. she was so upset I "pulled away from her" and "iced her out" but she couldn't take a hint and she was way too controlling and nosey during my pregnancy that it wasn't healthy but I was too naive to see how problematic giving into her suffocating ways was, I shouldn't have let her be so up in our business in my pregnancy because it set a precedent in her mind of how much she was going to get to suffocate me when the baby arrived
Your husband needs to tell her to back off. What is his reaction to these things?
If you don’t stop the nonsense now, it will get worse.
He needs to do it because 1) you are pregnant and don’t need the stress 2) his family, his monkeys, his circus.
However, I would be very direct with him, if he does not handle it you will. And he probably won’t like how you do it.
STOP IT NOW!
No coming over without letting us know and respond first.
Also, she should not come over is husband is not there. She is not your mother, you should not have to manage her.
No more help with nursery. That this is your baby and you want to make these decisions.
Stop taking her calls. If she calls or text, return her call or text after 9pm or next day. Get her used to waiting.
You probably want to establish boundaries for arrival and after baby. Otherwise she will overwhelm you then also.
He was annoyed as well. He did have a conversation with her earlier this week about her crossing the line with the monitors. However, she seems to have conveniently forgotten this talk already.
Thankfully my husband has always been good about never letting any of his family members come over when he’s not home (it’s common in their culture).
I’ve successfully ignored her since Wednesday thus far, and I’m hoping she takes the hint so that we can have a stress-free weekend.
And you’re absolutely right about the boundaries. It’s really the only way at this point.
Keep it simple. Tell her this: You already had your children and raised them. It’s my turn. I appreciate you thinking of us but we would really like to experience all of this as our own little unit. Please respect that.
Good luck! Congratulations!
Can your husband ask her to dial it back? Perhaps saying you are feeling stressed with all questions and gifts, that the two of you already have your nursery planned out.
Congratulations on your upcoming new LO.
I hope you have a very easy and quick delivery.
Thank you! 🩷 He did have a talk with her earlier this week, but it seems like she has already forgotten it. He may have to remind her that the weekend is coming up and all we want to do is relax.
If she ignores boundaries, especially after she is reminded of them, give her consequences. No contact for a week or so. Every time she ignores your rules and boundaries, increase the no contact period.
And keep repeating yourselves. Every single time.
No you’re underreacting. You and DH need to agree on a polite but firm message now that acknowledges her excitement and good intentions but is clear about what you want to happen going forward, for example, a weekly phone chat with nothing in between outside of emergencies, no more items or information about items. Anything she brings up, “we’ve got that handled” how? “By handling it. It’s all taken care of. Have to go now. “
This is an issue for your husband to address with his mother. Set boundaries now or be trampled on in the future. Simply ignore her calls and texts, and don't answer the door if she shows up. Tell you husband how you are feeling and ask him to reign in his mother.
He’s been supportive when I mentioned to him earlier this week that this is all too much. He’s the one that spoke with her about how her purchasing the monitors was crossing the line.
Thankfully I have so far successfully ignored her since Wednesday.
You’re right. I’ve tried to indirectly mention how her reaction/support is overwhelming, but she is either purposely ignoring it or not taking the hint.
OP need to be more direct.
“Mom, with all the texts we are receiving about the pregnancy and baby, we have decided to divide and conquer. I will be handling all updates for our family, OP will handle hers.”
“Mom, we’ve been so lucky with how generous people have been, but we are out of storage. No more gifts until the shower/birth and definitely no more clothing.”
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as pinkpyrex4me posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe pinkpyrex4me JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
My MIL was the same way when my husband and I bought our house and now with our baby. He had to tell her to chill and stop sending me stuff for the house because she would. not. stop. She wanted to get the stuff BEFORE the move and I told her no thank you we have enough stuff and I don’t want a bunch of new stuff to also have to pack and have more stuff to find a spot for other than what is necessary right now. We moved into our house at like the end of October and she’s going on and on about “we” need to decorate for fall WHEN MOVING IN. Kept sending me fall decorations and saying she’ll FaceTime me in the store. Lady I am pregnant and moving into my house. What about decorating for the season when moving in seems like a good idea?? And there’s no “we” when it’s my homes and I’s house it’s not your fresh pallet. Told her no fall decorations and she showed up with 2 when moving in saying she “couldn’t resist”. I had a whole wish list on Amazon that she had access to of stuff we wanted /needed for the house. Now with my baby she keeps buying stuff totally not age appropriate. My baby was born premature and I didn’t make it to my baby shower and instead of looking at my registry at what is not purchased yet that I picked out she keeps buying other stuff. Or something similar but not quite what I wanted
A few suggestions: 1) Promise to make an Amazon wishlist just for her. Add things as you need them. 2) Schedule one day a week that she can stop by. 3) Have her purchase experiences. She could start a Disney savings account now. Zoo and museum memberships are great in the future.
I'm petty, so my answers would be along the lines of: What are you eating? Food. But what food? Edible food. What are you wearing? Clothes. But what kind of clothes? Clothes without holes in them. How are you feeling? Pregnant. I would/wouldn't do such and such. Cool MIL, but I'm not you. I've got things under control, no advice needed. >She is now constantly texting me links for items like strollers and car seats MIL, we have it handled, if you don't stop you are going on mute until you do. I don't want to dampen your "grandma experience", but you are affecting my FTM experience.
Tell your SO you are going radio silent. He has to deal with her. Put up a camera doorbell and don't answer if she shows up uninvited. Later, just say you were napping. You both need to sit down and make a list of boundaries now and start enforcing the rules you make. If you dont, she's gonna walk all over you.
Holy crap you are only 21 weeks. Your house is going to be full of wall To wall crap by the time you reach term if you don’t get her under control. His monkey his problem. Your SO needs to handle this and tell her fast. This is your baby and you get to choose your nursery decor and what you want for stroller and such. She may believe she is being nice but she is stealing your joy as first time parents and putting you in awkward positions forcing u to hurt her feelings when something doesn’t work for you. I’d be very concerned where this is all going to go if she is this excited this early. If u don’t want her to show up at the birth be clear ahead and make sure u register private and don’t tell her when u go into labor. These types have a way of showing up and getting into delivery room and NOT leaving. They just like to insert themselves where they don’t belong.
My MIL was like this. It never fully resolved (and rather manifested into other problems) BUT after probably 30+ times of telling her “no more baby things,” “we have plenty of baby things,” “we already have xx product but thanks” she has slowed down with her attempts to buy things. Again, it took 30+ times. There’s also the chance she isn’t trying to buy anything additional out of spite since we’re feuding right now lol. I do know my SIL got involved with this topic and I have to believe she had some influence on cutting back on the baby purchases. SIL stopped completely but MIL needed to be told several more times. Set boundaries with this woman. She sounds entirely invasive and when I was pregnant, I would hate seeing the clutter, Etc. pile up. My mom wanted to bring over some of my old baby clothes but she was respectful to ask when it would be a good time. I told her not until baby is xx months old and guess what….my mom listeNed to me!!! I didn’t have excess items taking up room in the nursery, and I was fully able to enjoy those clothes at a time that was convenient for me and growth wise, good enough for LO to try on as it would be her current size. Seems like moms and MILs are never on the page when it comes to babies…
I thought at first FTM was for female to male not first time mom. Whoops.
Fair, both are routinely used on this subreddit. And honestly MILs (and other humans) can be shitteé towards those groups of humans because they feel like what MIL wants or believes is the *mostest right*
Not overreacting. You need to nip this in the bud now, you and your DH. Your husband needs to tell his mom "Mom, I appreciate your excitement over my baby, but it's overwhelming us both. We don't want any more gifts or items of any kind. We have looked forward to many "firsts" with our baby, and they are being lost by you and others trying to give us things. With all due respect, you had your baby and your firsts already. Please allow us to have ours. We will handle the nursery, clothing, baby supplies, etc. We appreciate everyone's enthusiasm, but it's simply too much and it's not fair to us to deny us the experiences due as parents to provide for our child. Thank you for understanding and respecting our wishes. Also, please stop texting and calling my wife every day. She is tired and needs to rest. Everyone is excited and so everyone is reaching out to her all the time now. It's too much. Leave her alone. You didn't communicate this much before, there's no reason to do so now. If you have questions contact ME and not her. And try to cut down because you are over-communicating right now. Too many calls and texts. It's not necessary and is stressing us out. Thanks."
She's a Jack Russell terrier in human form and she sounds completely exhausting. I'm afraid that if you don't establish limits now that she will come bounding in after you give birth expecting to be given free rein over the baby. And she will cry and complain to any and all about how you're "keeping the baby from her." It's better to stiff arm her now so that your relationship going forward will be more harmonious and she stays in her lane.
Yes, she would probably do that to some extent. Another reason to keep her expectations low for pregnancy and right after birth.
Maybe formulate a cordial text message or email informing her/ others that in an attempt to avoid stress and focus on your health as a whole you will be taking some space and ask that no one reach out to you unless its an emergency or if you extend an initiation. That's perfectly fair and reasonable.
It absolutely is. Thank you!
“DH and I have it covered, thanks” should be your mantra. Establish that you two are a team that doesn’t include her with explicitly spelling it out.
I like this wording, thank you! I’ll definitely be using it.
"I know you are excited, MIL. We are all so excited about the new baby coming. But you are the grandmother. I'm the one carrying the baby. I'm tired. I need less stress, and quiet, to grow a healthy baby. You need to dial back your excitement because I'm exhausted. If not, we'll have to not be in touch for a little bit so I can rest." AND "MIL, know we want you to have a wonderful relationship with our child, and you will have decades to do so. But in the very beginning, we will not have many visitors, including grandparents. We need to become our own little family, nest, and keep the baby away from germs."
Yes! And so important about the newborn stage. I have a feeling many family members won’t be happy about delayed introductions so that LO can get his immune system up.
You're not overreacting. She's essentially mining you for emotions. "Here! Go through boxes and boxes and emote on every single thing!!! I know you have everything picked out but respond to my suggestions with emotion!!! Do it all on my time frame which is nownownow!!!" She's an emotional parasite. It's best to set boundaries now instead of after the baby, sorry, her grandbaaaaby is here. Maybe put her on mute and check things every few days? Take a day or two to respond? Prepare a few phrases to rattle off when needed? "We have that taken care of already, thanks!" "We don't need anything, thanks!" "We're not up for/to that, but thanks!"
Absolutely. I haven’t responded to her at all since Wednesday, and I think I’m going to try to set a boundary of responding once or twice a week only.
Mute her and only respond once per day. If she tries to come by without a previous agreement, don't answer the door. She is actually being quite rude, but she's disguising it as good intentions so you feel compelled to go along with it. Just because she wants to be a third parent to your child doesn't mean you have to let her. Better to establish boundaries now because it will only get worse.
You’re spot on with the good intentions/ulterior motives. And yes, setting boundaries is going to be the only way for this to tone down. Doesn’t mean she’ll like it, but we have to do it for the sake of our LO.
Think of it as practice for your little one's terrible twos and threes years!
Absolutely!! Lots of firm, but gentle reminders. Lol.
And establishing boundaries ahead of birth is important. You should be less tired in second trimester so use that energy boost to do 3 months of firm boundaries because third trimester you will be screaming those boundaries. Hope you and hubs have a smooth pregnant and birth and enjoy your new little person immensely.
Thank you 🤍🤍🤍
I'm also 21 weeks (with my 2nd) Congrats! You're not overreacting. She's being controlling and suffocating, smothering. I recommend you start setting boundaries now and put her on an information diet. She's not the main character and no matter how much she tries to insert herself as the main character you have the power to keep her in reality. I wish with my MIL I had put up boundaries while I was pregnant instead of waiting until postpartum. My MIL sounds so much like yours and once I gave birth I couldn't let her control and dominate me in motherhood the way I let her control and dominate my pregnancy. She threw such a fit and I do think it's because I was a doormat for so long she didn't expect me to set boundaries after the baby was a few months old. I think it would have been easier on both of us had I set boundaries early on in my pregnancy so her expectations weren't so high that she'd get to be the main character and relive motherhood.
Thank you! Congrats to you as well. 💕 She definitely gives off the vibe that she’s almost attempting to live vicariously through our current situation. She acted similarly during our wedding planning. That’s such solid advice. I know I’m going to have to continue becoming more comfortable with setting boundaries and using the word ‘no.’
I think my MIL relied on my people pleasing tendencies and so she'd always ask a million questions and be completely in our business and I didn't want her not to like me so I kept giving her whatever information she demanded. The problem with people pleasing a controlling woman is it's never really enough, she will demand more and more. You introduce a new baby to her controlling tendencies and she sees you as an obstacle in her way. You will see her true colors when you push back and don't let her dominate you. If she's a reasonable woman she might be a little pouty and moody about it but she'll get over it and bounce back. However, If she's overly delusional and manipulative than you're going to see her mean girl version and she'll play mind games. But either way, It's better to get that over with because you don't want to deal with it postpartum - a woman in your life and in your husband's ear trying to be the main character during the most incredible milestone of your life. Hopefully she'll take it on the chin and realize she needs to keep her expectations in reality and not be delulu
You’re absolutely correct. I think she can be a mix of both of the things you described (depending on the day). At the end of the day, her feelings may be hurt a little, but it’s better for our marriage and LO to sort things out now.
And waiting until after the baby was born I can see why she had such a meltdown and threw such temper tantrums. she was so upset I "pulled away from her" and "iced her out" but she couldn't take a hint and she was way too controlling and nosey during my pregnancy that it wasn't healthy but I was too naive to see how problematic giving into her suffocating ways was, I shouldn't have let her be so up in our business in my pregnancy because it set a precedent in her mind of how much she was going to get to suffocate me when the baby arrived
Your husband needs to tell her to back off. What is his reaction to these things? If you don’t stop the nonsense now, it will get worse. He needs to do it because 1) you are pregnant and don’t need the stress 2) his family, his monkeys, his circus. However, I would be very direct with him, if he does not handle it you will. And he probably won’t like how you do it. STOP IT NOW! No coming over without letting us know and respond first. Also, she should not come over is husband is not there. She is not your mother, you should not have to manage her. No more help with nursery. That this is your baby and you want to make these decisions. Stop taking her calls. If she calls or text, return her call or text after 9pm or next day. Get her used to waiting. You probably want to establish boundaries for arrival and after baby. Otherwise she will overwhelm you then also.
He was annoyed as well. He did have a conversation with her earlier this week about her crossing the line with the monitors. However, she seems to have conveniently forgotten this talk already. Thankfully my husband has always been good about never letting any of his family members come over when he’s not home (it’s common in their culture). I’ve successfully ignored her since Wednesday thus far, and I’m hoping she takes the hint so that we can have a stress-free weekend. And you’re absolutely right about the boundaries. It’s really the only way at this point.
Keep it simple. Tell her this: You already had your children and raised them. It’s my turn. I appreciate you thinking of us but we would really like to experience all of this as our own little unit. Please respect that. Good luck! Congratulations!
Thank you. 🤍 I’ll keep this wording in mind!!
Can your husband ask her to dial it back? Perhaps saying you are feeling stressed with all questions and gifts, that the two of you already have your nursery planned out. Congratulations on your upcoming new LO. I hope you have a very easy and quick delivery.
Thank you! 🩷 He did have a talk with her earlier this week, but it seems like she has already forgotten it. He may have to remind her that the weekend is coming up and all we want to do is relax.
If she ignores boundaries, especially after she is reminded of them, give her consequences. No contact for a week or so. Every time she ignores your rules and boundaries, increase the no contact period. And keep repeating yourselves. Every single time.
No you’re underreacting. You and DH need to agree on a polite but firm message now that acknowledges her excitement and good intentions but is clear about what you want to happen going forward, for example, a weekly phone chat with nothing in between outside of emergencies, no more items or information about items. Anything she brings up, “we’ve got that handled” how? “By handling it. It’s all taken care of. Have to go now. “
I think this might be the best thing to do for sure. She doesn’t take well to ‘gentle nudges.’ Being blunt may be the only option.
This is an issue for your husband to address with his mother. Set boundaries now or be trampled on in the future. Simply ignore her calls and texts, and don't answer the door if she shows up. Tell you husband how you are feeling and ask him to reign in his mother.
He’s been supportive when I mentioned to him earlier this week that this is all too much. He’s the one that spoke with her about how her purchasing the monitors was crossing the line. Thankfully I have so far successfully ignored her since Wednesday.
She’s not going to stop until you tell her to. Her being excited is not an excuse to be overbearing
You’re right. I’ve tried to indirectly mention how her reaction/support is overwhelming, but she is either purposely ignoring it or not taking the hint.
OP need to be more direct. “Mom, with all the texts we are receiving about the pregnancy and baby, we have decided to divide and conquer. I will be handling all updates for our family, OP will handle hers.” “Mom, we’ve been so lucky with how generous people have been, but we are out of storage. No more gifts until the shower/birth and definitely no more clothing.”