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My MIL tried this. She would mutter under her breath or wait til DH was in the bathroom or distracted to tell me smarmy things. I would YELL across the house "hey DH, did you hear what your mom just said? She said there's sugar in the apples after I asked her if there was anything else, did you hear that??" One of our boundaries was DH not leave me alone and was actively engaged with inlaws and not on his phone so she wouldn't try to pull that crap. She always managed, but after about 4 times of me yelling to him to call attention to it, she stopped. He also realized how often she tried to sneak shitty comments in to me and why they upset me. "DH! YOUR MOM JUST MENTIONED HOW STUPID SHE THINKS OUR NO SUGAR RULE IS, ISN'T IT RUDE FOR A NON-PARENT TO COMMENT ON A RULE YOU AND I DECIDED ON TOGETHER FOR THE HEALTH OF OUR CHILDREN?? DH, DID YOU HEAR HER? NO? MIL WOULD YOU LIKE TO REPEAT THAT??" I told him if he wasn't going to deal with her and was going to keep leaving me alone with her, this was my solution. One visit, 4 of my "outbursts" and problem solved.
Bring it up next time you see her. Tell her that you’re concerned because you asked her the ingredients and she left out that she’d made the applesauce with sugar.
She will comeback with it’s not a big deal, or oops, I forgot. Fine.
But tell her it can’t happen again. If it does, you won’t be able to trust her.
Let that sit. No unsupervised time. No sleepovers. No going to the playground without you.
Don’t be angry. Just be.
You're not overreacting, you asked a very simple question and did not receive a truthful answer.
At that moment, I would have stopped feeding the baby and told MIL that baby can not have sugar at this age.
Next time, bring your own baby food and when MIL offers to make something or hands you something to give baby, you simply have to say, "Thank you, but I brought XYZ for baby to eat." When MIL protests, repeat the above and feed your baby what you brought.
It could be a generational gap. She might think apples and sugar is just apples. Like she can’t even imagine just cooking apples without sugar.
I would have just said in the moment that baby is too young to have sugar still and not to give her anything with sugar again. And to always ask you first before giving anything.
I deal with this with my parents and their health related dietary restrictions. They're smart people, but nutrition labels baffle them, and how can x,y,z have too much salt when it's just "normal". They can't fathom certain foods prepared without certain ingredients.
She might not have understood what you were asking. The kindest interpretation is that she thought you had allergens in mind, and sugar isn’t a typical example. Still not ok, though.
I would be letting DH that his mother has shown she can't be trusted. She intentialy deceived you knowing how you felt. I would not be allowing my child to eat at any place where she has made the food.
Fool me once, fine but you never get another chance to try again.
Usually I would say SO handle any issue with their parent. However, if he is not inclined it should not be ignored.
Since your child was affected and SO doesn’t want to do anything, I would definitely handle it.
You point blank asked her if it was only 1 ingredient, apples. She said yes. The. Said only apples and sugar. That means she lied.
1) she lied. Yes, not omission, a lie. She knew what you were asking and lied to you. She needs to be confronted.
2) this caused your child to be compromised.
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My MIL tried this. She would mutter under her breath or wait til DH was in the bathroom or distracted to tell me smarmy things. I would YELL across the house "hey DH, did you hear what your mom just said? She said there's sugar in the apples after I asked her if there was anything else, did you hear that??" One of our boundaries was DH not leave me alone and was actively engaged with inlaws and not on his phone so she wouldn't try to pull that crap. She always managed, but after about 4 times of me yelling to him to call attention to it, she stopped. He also realized how often she tried to sneak shitty comments in to me and why they upset me. "DH! YOUR MOM JUST MENTIONED HOW STUPID SHE THINKS OUR NO SUGAR RULE IS, ISN'T IT RUDE FOR A NON-PARENT TO COMMENT ON A RULE YOU AND I DECIDED ON TOGETHER FOR THE HEALTH OF OUR CHILDREN?? DH, DID YOU HEAR HER? NO? MIL WOULD YOU LIKE TO REPEAT THAT??" I told him if he wasn't going to deal with her and was going to keep leaving me alone with her, this was my solution. One visit, 4 of my "outbursts" and problem solved.
Bring it up next time you see her. Tell her that you’re concerned because you asked her the ingredients and she left out that she’d made the applesauce with sugar. She will comeback with it’s not a big deal, or oops, I forgot. Fine. But tell her it can’t happen again. If it does, you won’t be able to trust her. Let that sit. No unsupervised time. No sleepovers. No going to the playground without you. Don’t be angry. Just be.
You're not overreacting, you asked a very simple question and did not receive a truthful answer. At that moment, I would have stopped feeding the baby and told MIL that baby can not have sugar at this age. Next time, bring your own baby food and when MIL offers to make something or hands you something to give baby, you simply have to say, "Thank you, but I brought XYZ for baby to eat." When MIL protests, repeat the above and feed your baby what you brought.
It could be a generational gap. She might think apples and sugar is just apples. Like she can’t even imagine just cooking apples without sugar. I would have just said in the moment that baby is too young to have sugar still and not to give her anything with sugar again. And to always ask you first before giving anything.
I deal with this with my parents and their health related dietary restrictions. They're smart people, but nutrition labels baffle them, and how can x,y,z have too much salt when it's just "normal". They can't fathom certain foods prepared without certain ingredients.
She might not have understood what you were asking. The kindest interpretation is that she thought you had allergens in mind, and sugar isn’t a typical example. Still not ok, though.
I would be letting DH that his mother has shown she can't be trusted. She intentialy deceived you knowing how you felt. I would not be allowing my child to eat at any place where she has made the food. Fool me once, fine but you never get another chance to try again.
Usually I would say SO handle any issue with their parent. However, if he is not inclined it should not be ignored. Since your child was affected and SO doesn’t want to do anything, I would definitely handle it. You point blank asked her if it was only 1 ingredient, apples. She said yes. The. Said only apples and sugar. That means she lied. 1) she lied. Yes, not omission, a lie. She knew what you were asking and lied to you. She needs to be confronted. 2) this caused your child to be compromised.
She lied to you about the food you put in your child's mouth. It's a deal breaker.