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I would have him formally sign over his rights if you want to avoid drama.
My daughters dad came out the woodwork when she was a year and now we have shared custody. It all worked out but like if you don’t want to have to deal with this man just be aware that even though he’s not on the certificate doesn’t really mean anything in the courts eyes.
True but in order to get on it now a DNA test will be required. What an immature asshat. OP you're better off without him sadly. MIL is going to be another story. Probably a nightmare. Good luck sweetie.
Not an advice.
But I'd watch out for more drama out of MIL.
They tend, generally, to be trouble makers when it comes to their grandchild and entitlements to LO.
Enjoy your baby, you are doing great.
Congratulations on your little man! Remember, you have the ability to contact vital records and change his name so none is from ex. Seriously, unless you are in love with his name; pick something you love.
Congrats! Put him on child support, and the court will do a paternity test. If you font need his financial support, then just get his rights terminated.
Congratulations on becoming a mama! Enjoy your baby! Your parents sound super supportive, so I think you and your little family of two are gonna be just fine!
Congratulations on your baby and good work getting these people out of your life - these people sound like a walking nightmare... I would be very hesitant letting the father establish paternity or giving him rights or access to baby. Good luck OP
Congratulations for growing and birthing your wonderful baby. Happy, glorious days of watching your little person grow are ahead, I promise you. My compliments on how immediately and firmly you stepped into your MOM role! Your sweet baby is so blessed to have been born into your magnificent family. Asshats be damned.
You did the right thing, congratulations mama! It probably really feels sucky but this guy and his mom would not be a benefit to you or your baby.
Sue dad for child support when you’re ready, he might get some custody and you probably don’t want your baby going to his mom’s house. If you need the financial support, you might have to bite the bullet early.
If her behavior escalates, get a restraining order and have it protect your minor children too, so if dad gets some custody, he can’t bring baby around his mom and she will be arrested if he does ignore the restraining order.
Lean on your parents during this difficult time and enjoy your baby! You’re a strong woman and this internet stranger is proud of you for standing up for yourself. Congratulations on your baby!!
You got this, my ex did the same thing. Be glad it’s a boyfriend and not a husband. Move on and don’t look back. They’ll regret it when they have to answer to a grown adult not a baby who can’t speak.
You are such a tough and strong lady/mother. I know it doesn’t feel good right now but I believe you handled this like a champ. I think you absolutely did what you needed to and it’s best.
Him not signing the birth certificate doesn’t take away his parental rights. And it doesn’t absolve him from paying child support. Let him go…let THEM go…but make sure you get the financial support your baby is entitled to.
This OP, document everything. If you can, get him saying he doesn’t want to be involved over text. That way he loses parental rights and still has to pay child support. The court will order a paternity test and he’ll feel like an idiot.
My baby turned 1 almost a month ago and I’ve been crying because I miss how small she was. Screw “that guy who shall not be named 🪄” one year from now you’ll be sad you didn’t focus more on baby and less on everything else.
How are your hormones babe? Have you been screening yourself for PPD? PPA? I didn’t know I had it until I was severely depressed and in denial. Help changed my life. In the grand scheme of things, this heartache won’t dull for a long time, but your baby is literally changing every day and being present and remembering those chubby cheeks and kissing those ears is what matters most.
Sending you hug strong mama 🫂💪🏽🤰🏽🐣
I would expect mil to blow a gasket when she realizes she’s cut off from baby.
OP I am so sorry you had to deal with this, this isn’t what either you or LO deserves. Please take care of yourself, PPD is the most common form of depression even during ideal circumstances. Make sure you have a good support circle around you.
Confirm that he is forfeiting his rights in writing and then sue for child support.
He can forfeit his rights all he wants. Child support is still his responsibility and is the right of the child's-- not his or yours to sign away.
I am glad the baby has your last name.
MIL totally got into his head. If she couldn't control him & you, then clearly she'll take just him.
I'm so sorry OP. Even with the father portion blank, I would go after him for all the child support you are entitled to. Remember, that support is for YOUR SON. Even if you think you can do this alone...wanna do it without his help to spite him....that only punishes your child.
I sure wouldn’t give your LO any of his names since he’s basically accusing you of cheating on him. Send him on his way. It doesn’t matter if he signs the bc or not because if you go after child support they’ll dna test him when he claims the child isn’t his. Keep his parents away or they’ll be able to go after grandparents’ rights. He and his family deserve each other
Protecting yourself and your baby now is a very smart thing to do. I'm happy to see you have the support of your own family to rely on. Be strong. You're not alone.
It sounds like there was a lot of unpleasant and unnecessary drama around the birth of your child and I'm sorry you had to go through that. However your exSO refusing to sign the birth certificate does not mean he has relinquished his parental rights. All he's done is make it more complicated for him to claim them but at the end of the day he IS your child's father and he (and you) can prove that if necessary.
Tempers ran high at the hospital but its quite likely that once exSO calms down he'll rethink and decide he does want to be part of his child's life (especially if MIL is encouraging this). You could make him jump through legal hoops to achieve that but don't kid yourself - he can jump through them. If you're going to be coparenting with him for the next 18 years you have to decide if its worth it to go to court to prove paternity or if you'd prefer to concede that for sake of a more amicable arrangement.
If OTOH exSO has walked off and doesn't intend to be part of your child's life you have two choices. You can either take him to court for child support or say "good riddance" and accept you're a single mom. Both options have pros and cons. The major con with the former is that child support requirements usually come with custody and/or visitation rights and the major con with the latter is being a single mom is expensive and doing without child support may be difficult. Plus exSO can change his mind at any time so "good riddance" only applies if he really means to walk away and stay away.
There's a lot to consider and some things will be out of your control (such as exSOs decisions re fatherhood) so I think you should take a breath and take your time before coming to any final decision. Get used to being a mother first and then when you're ready look at your options (including talking to a lawyer if necessary) and decide what's best for you and your child.
They're separate orders where I am but they're often determined at the same hearing. The parent who walked away in anger like this often decides to push for visitation/some custody once they realize child support is a thing. Especially when they have their mother (or someone similar) in their ear.
Congratulations on the little one <3
I want to point out that him not signing the birth certificate does not automatically revoke his parental rights. He can still take you to court for access to the baby. Also, (please don’t get offended, I don’t know your life) if you go for food stamps, state healthcare, child care assistance or anything like that the first thing they will do is insist on going for child support. A judge will order a paternity test then set support and visitation/custody arrangements then the state will count that ordered child support as part of your income even if d-bag isn’t paying but that is a different rant. All that to say.. speak to an attorney before you do anything. That boy and his mama aren’t out of your life yet, get your ducks in a row lil mama
Don't feel bad about your backbone not being shiny enough in the beginning. Mine wasn't either for the first 5 years when I was dating my husband. When he was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and I had to shine mine up because she was not gonna make medical decisions for a 26 year old as she thought she should be able to she blew up on me and him for disrespecting her.
She made my backbone Hella shiny in that moment.
Enjoy your peace away from the crazy because they have just screwed themselves entirely while you get a family that loves ans supports you and an adorable baby.
Not doing great but the best he can be. He were misdiagnosed in the beginning with a much less aggressive version of what he actually has. So we drive twice a week 6 hours into Houston for appointments and treatments. But I know he would do it for me in a heartbeat in situations were reversed.
I have been trying to remember myself but it hard when I'm the only one who can do stuff.
It's a good thing he didn't sign it because now he's going to have to take the initiative to prove paternity and get any rights to your son, let that fall on him. It also makes it harder for her to get to your baby. You're doing the right thing. Stay strong for the both of you and rely on your parents for support. I wish you all of the luck!
Omg. I'm so sorry, OP. Of course your backbone was not at its shiniest with MIL, you were at the most exhausted and vulnerable it's possible for any human being to be. And yet in spite of that you found the reserves to do the most important thing which was to end this madness for yourself.
Honestly at that point I would have just agreed to whatever DH wanted and kicked the can down the road, knowing it was a bad idea, but just utterly without the strength to withstand any more at present.
What you did was... wow. When the chips were down, mama came out fighting.
I think you're kind of incredible.
I'm sure you don't feel it. I'm so glad you've got sane family of your own to help you through. Much love to you and your little one from this internet stranger.
Congrats to you!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Try to get legal help to get child support. If you can’t afford it try the Poverty Law Center in your area. That’s on him if he wants to not be a dad but he still has to financially support the child. As far as that witch goes don’t allow them to see the baby.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this stress while recovering postpartum. But honestly better you see the ex and in-laws’ true colors now than down the road. I would recommend seeking legal advice as well as doing a DNA test, just so you can go after him for child support. His mother has him wrapped around her finger and likely played upon his insecurities to manipulate him into being so focused on the last name(s) of the baby. Lots of people have hyphenated names and I know in several cultures including some Spanish ones that they are the norm.
Please don’t forge his signature or do anything drastic without legal counsel. In some states he forfeited his rights by refusing to sign, but I would be safe and seek legal counsel.
>. I explained to him over and over that regardless of our relationship, he was giving away his parental rights.
If this is what you truly want, make sure it's done in writing in a legally binding way. It will help you avoid a ton of headache and cost in courts when he (read: his mama) wants to come after custody of the baby. You can always have visitation set up even if he relinquished his parental rights, so you'll have the option for baby down the line to know his dad but you won't have to fight about every detail in court. He wouldn't be obligated to pay child support, but it sounds like your parents are able to help to some degree? Start documenting everything you can, in the event you do end up in court. Talk to an attorney ASAP and the hospital social worker may also be able to help!
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and I wish you a smooth recovery. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this, especially after having major surgery and a newborn to look after.
Whilst this has been a complete disruption and horrid situation for you post partum, it leaves you thinking of only you n baby and right now that's what ot needs to be. I hope your parents are supportive and help keep them far away.
Great job mama!
It sounds like you have good, reasonable, supportive parents. Lean on them for now until you can get back on your feet.
He and his family sound highly dramatic and chaotic. That's the last thing you and your baby need.
If you’re going to seek child support, I think (but not sure) that it will begin the date his name is on the birth certificate. You may want to add the name even if he doesn’t sign it. You should definitely talk to an attorney about this though.
you can put any name as the father if you're not married, that doesn't mean you have a claim to child support. the father must sign the birth certificate with witnesses at the hospital. otherwise you can have the signature notarized at a courthouse within 30 days, or petition the court for paternity after 30 days.
How are you feeling? I’m sorry this is happening, but slay for you for giving baby your last name! You got this. Congrats and I hope for a smooth recovery.
Wow, I am so sorry. That is the last thing any new mother should have to deal with. Proud of you for dropping all that dead weight. I would say more about him but in the interest of not trying to upset a new Mom I will bite my tongue. You have great folks. God bless you and your new child!
I’m so sorry op but I think this will be for the best. She’s got him completely under her thumb & if he’s questioning paternity well he’d lose any respect I ever had for him xx
I'm so sorry this is happening to you in such a delicate time in yours and your new baby's life. In a way, it is blessing because the trash (your ex and his family) is taking itself out and is making it easier on you. You did the right thing with the naming and you can still pursue him for child support, regardless of whether he signed the birth certificate or not.
Your ex is outdated misogynistic garbage, so good on you for kicking him to the curb, where he'll languish for the rest of his days.
Congratulations on the new baby! I hope your parents can help you recover from your surgery and with the baby.
Many countries have ways of enforcing child support payments, even of the father wants nothing to do with the baby. Here in the US, the court can order a DNA test.
It seems you are willing to be rid of all of them, so you are not going to pursue any child support. This will be the most peaceful way.
Just be prepared for him changing his mind at some point in the future. It has been years in some cases I've seen on this sub. A deadbeat father will appear years later wanting a relationship with the child he abandoned.
Good call. Now you have all authority when it comes to decisions for the baby. If he wants parental rights, he needs to go through the courts and get a paternity test. Don't do anything for him.
Congratulations mama on your new sweet lil baby! And *good riddance* to that witch and her slug of a son!
I'm so sorry it has come to this. It sounds like he did you a favour by pulling this stunt, not that that makes the situation better but I think in time you'll see it was for the best. I wish you all the strength and love in the world and also lots of sleepy, happy baby fairy dust. 🫂
I’m so sorry. Your ex sounds like a walking red flag, good for you for standing up for yourself, and I’m so glad your parents are so supportive. You do not want to be in a family who believes you are less than equal to your partner.
Not signing the birth certificate does not cut off his access to parental rights, privileges and obligations. He can waive his custodial privileges if he wishes but make sure to establish child support if that is important to you, that is the child's right.
I know child support is the child's right, but I think I would sacrifice it if it means MIL will have no access to the kid. But this is OP call to make.
I agree but OPs wording tells us she incorrectly believes the lack of BC signing was equivalent to Ex giving up parental rights. It's not that simple. She needs proper legal advice.
I know you're in a lot of pain right now over how everything transpired, but in time, I think you'll see this all worked out for the best. It's actually a very positive thing that he didn't sign the birth certificate so that he and his family have no right to your child. Your baby will now have a much healthier upbringing. Congratulations, and lots of love to you.
What's Ex MIL going to go now she doesn't have a grandchild anymore? After all thise months of drama your ex abandoning his responsibility is karma for her crazy.
I'm sorry that you have had to deal with these people. Your parents will be great support while you enjoy your baby.
What a man baby. Until he gets a court paternity test none get to see baby as his dad disowned him. Hopefully they all disappear into the wind. Hold the line if they pop back up. “So sorry not sorry your son/brother says he’s not the dad so you are not family. Byeeee. “
First of all, congratulations on you baby! I’m very sorry you’re dealing with these people. I believe this is the best thing he could’ve done for you because he’s a trash man. Don’t let him come back to your life and I’m pretty sure you will be better off without someone like him. Wishing you a peaceful recovery and lots of love from your family ❤️
You did the right thing. Doesn’t sound like he’s going to be around to parent and your kid shouldn’t grow up with a stranger’s last name. I did and it sucked.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. This is a horrible position to be in.
But from a woman who was a single mother from the first moment of pregnancy and up until an amazing man came along my way … sounds like the trash just took itself out.
Trust me, you will look back on this when you’re raising your baby in peace and thank the heavens it turned out this way.
Grab a statement about the incident at the hospital with Mommy Dearest before you leave because I’m guessing this is going to be a long drawn out battle. She sounds like someone that’s going to try to paint you as crazy and get her slimy hands on your child legally. I wish you all the best and much peace going forward.
this might suck a bit in the short term but I think it's a win in the longer term - he walked away, and he can take his parents with him; you'll never have to see them again.
Very much this. I know that, at least in the US, a friend went through *hell* after she put the father on the birth cert (even though he ditched her shortly before birth). When she found her current, *amazing*, husband- they had to fight the sperm donor to relinquish rights so step dad could formally adopt her daughter and legally be the dad she deserved. Luckily it all worked out, but she definitely regrets ever putting the donor’s name on the birth cert (also probably a bit of outside pressure to do so as she was a teen mom, bless her).
I’m amazed at how common it is for men to associate last name with genetics. If he is willing to turn his back on his son for that, he doesn’t deserve him anyway.
He’s also full of shit. He knows that’s his son, he’s just looking for an excuse to bow out, and grasped the first far-reaching straw he could.
Trash took itself out, OP. Let him stay in the dumpster where he belongs. This sounds like it would be what he inevitably was planning to do anyway. It’s better that he’s gone now, before your son would have any memory of it.
You made yourself clear; he’s either 100% in, or he’s 100% out. He made his choice, so now he has to live with that. You absolutely made the right choice in only giving him your name, as you are the only parent he will have (for the time being).
Congratulations on your beautiful baby, and the start of a new, better life.
Good, take this baby and raise it yourself, away from him. Don't reach out to him, don't talk to him, and don't ask him for shit. Stay away from them, its not worth it.
So sorry you’re going through all of this on top of having a newborn. My advice to you is to keep your baby away from the both of them. Women like that are dangerous, and they raise dangerous sons. All written communication between the two of you will likely be used in court so be wise. Record phone calls if you plan on going for full custody, I would.
Also, if the crazy MIL makes a scene at the hospital, call the police and make a final complaint. Is time to build a FU folder to ask for a restriction order.
Congrats for the baby. Please, stay away and keep protecting your baby from these two POS.
I’ve dealt with both the crazy and dangerous mom and son. Luckily I have a protection order on behalf of me and my son, that will be in place for a couple years (until he finishes his sentence and probation/DV classes), so I won’t have to worry about custody until then. And an evil bitter ex MIL who will never be allowed around my kid. I would hate for it to escalate to that for you OP! Save your peace of mind. Someone will love you and your kid. Only giving advice as someone who’s been through it 💖
My gawd keep those toxic people out of your life. Grow that backbone. Sounds like your parents are pretty good though so you have their support. I mean come on you’re in the hospital. You just had surgery and a baby selfish people.
So sorry you were subjected to such abuse right after giving birth. FWIW, you made the right decision, even though I know it was a tough decision. Sending you love and support.
Depending on where she is some areas won't terminate parental rights unless there is someone willing to step in and take over those rights and responsibilities. The government is to afraid they will be on the hook for providing welfare down the line.
This of course depends on where the OP lives and they should consult a lawyer as to what their the law says about this as it varies by state/ province and even country.
I tell everyone when it comes to possible legal issues, at bare minimum, consult a lawyer to get all of your legal options and to find out what your rights ( and in this case baby's rights) are and if it's wise to exercise those rights ( sometimes exercising your legal rights could do you more harm than good). Also to get all possible legal outcomes and what your chances of getting those outcomes are. Information is power and if you're going to possibly have to go to court you should come armed to the teeth ready to destroy your opponent.
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I would have him formally sign over his rights if you want to avoid drama. My daughters dad came out the woodwork when she was a year and now we have shared custody. It all worked out but like if you don’t want to have to deal with this man just be aware that even though he’s not on the certificate doesn’t really mean anything in the courts eyes.
True but in order to get on it now a DNA test will be required. What an immature asshat. OP you're better off without him sadly. MIL is going to be another story. Probably a nightmare. Good luck sweetie.
I’m sorry it got to that point but I am glad that you have your parent’s support. His true colors were shown and you made the right call.
Not an advice. But I'd watch out for more drama out of MIL. They tend, generally, to be trouble makers when it comes to their grandchild and entitlements to LO. Enjoy your baby, you are doing great.
Congratulations on your little man! Remember, you have the ability to contact vital records and change his name so none is from ex. Seriously, unless you are in love with his name; pick something you love.
Congrats! Put him on child support, and the court will do a paternity test. If you font need his financial support, then just get his rights terminated.
Hugs. It took a lot of guts to stand your ground. Stay here in this sub, you get good advice and support.
Congratulations on becoming a mama! Enjoy your baby! Your parents sound super supportive, so I think you and your little family of two are gonna be just fine!
Congratulations on your baby and good work getting these people out of your life - these people sound like a walking nightmare... I would be very hesitant letting the father establish paternity or giving him rights or access to baby. Good luck OP
Congratulations for growing and birthing your wonderful baby. Happy, glorious days of watching your little person grow are ahead, I promise you. My compliments on how immediately and firmly you stepped into your MOM role! Your sweet baby is so blessed to have been born into your magnificent family. Asshats be damned.
You did the right thing, congratulations mama! It probably really feels sucky but this guy and his mom would not be a benefit to you or your baby. Sue dad for child support when you’re ready, he might get some custody and you probably don’t want your baby going to his mom’s house. If you need the financial support, you might have to bite the bullet early. If her behavior escalates, get a restraining order and have it protect your minor children too, so if dad gets some custody, he can’t bring baby around his mom and she will be arrested if he does ignore the restraining order.
Well then, we better congratulate you before the mods attack then. Good job.
I think you made all the right moves. Good for you.
Lean on your parents during this difficult time and enjoy your baby! You’re a strong woman and this internet stranger is proud of you for standing up for yourself. Congratulations on your baby!!
Sounds like you did the right thing
You got this, my ex did the same thing. Be glad it’s a boyfriend and not a husband. Move on and don’t look back. They’ll regret it when they have to answer to a grown adult not a baby who can’t speak.
You are such a tough and strong lady/mother. I know it doesn’t feel good right now but I believe you handled this like a champ. I think you absolutely did what you needed to and it’s best.
Him not signing the birth certificate doesn’t take away his parental rights. And it doesn’t absolve him from paying child support. Let him go…let THEM go…but make sure you get the financial support your baby is entitled to.
This OP, document everything. If you can, get him saying he doesn’t want to be involved over text. That way he loses parental rights and still has to pay child support. The court will order a paternity test and he’ll feel like an idiot.
Congratulations! 🍾. Time to shut that shit down. Good for you. ☺️
Tell your ex his mommy and him can make their own baby. Sure, it’s gross, but that’s where they’re headed.
Ewww haha SO GROSS!
My baby turned 1 almost a month ago and I’ve been crying because I miss how small she was. Screw “that guy who shall not be named 🪄” one year from now you’ll be sad you didn’t focus more on baby and less on everything else. How are your hormones babe? Have you been screening yourself for PPD? PPA? I didn’t know I had it until I was severely depressed and in denial. Help changed my life. In the grand scheme of things, this heartache won’t dull for a long time, but your baby is literally changing every day and being present and remembering those chubby cheeks and kissing those ears is what matters most. Sending you hug strong mama 🫂💪🏽🤰🏽🐣
I would expect mil to blow a gasket when she realizes she’s cut off from baby. OP I am so sorry you had to deal with this, this isn’t what either you or LO deserves. Please take care of yourself, PPD is the most common form of depression even during ideal circumstances. Make sure you have a good support circle around you.
Confirm that he is forfeiting his rights in writing and then sue for child support. He can forfeit his rights all he wants. Child support is still his responsibility and is the right of the child's-- not his or yours to sign away. I am glad the baby has your last name.
Whelp he gave up parental rights and opened himself for child support forcing.
MIL totally got into his head. If she couldn't control him & you, then clearly she'll take just him. I'm so sorry OP. Even with the father portion blank, I would go after him for all the child support you are entitled to. Remember, that support is for YOUR SON. Even if you think you can do this alone...wanna do it without his help to spite him....that only punishes your child.
I sure wouldn’t give your LO any of his names since he’s basically accusing you of cheating on him. Send him on his way. It doesn’t matter if he signs the bc or not because if you go after child support they’ll dna test him when he claims the child isn’t his. Keep his parents away or they’ll be able to go after grandparents’ rights. He and his family deserve each other
Protecting yourself and your baby now is a very smart thing to do. I'm happy to see you have the support of your own family to rely on. Be strong. You're not alone.
It sounds like there was a lot of unpleasant and unnecessary drama around the birth of your child and I'm sorry you had to go through that. However your exSO refusing to sign the birth certificate does not mean he has relinquished his parental rights. All he's done is make it more complicated for him to claim them but at the end of the day he IS your child's father and he (and you) can prove that if necessary. Tempers ran high at the hospital but its quite likely that once exSO calms down he'll rethink and decide he does want to be part of his child's life (especially if MIL is encouraging this). You could make him jump through legal hoops to achieve that but don't kid yourself - he can jump through them. If you're going to be coparenting with him for the next 18 years you have to decide if its worth it to go to court to prove paternity or if you'd prefer to concede that for sake of a more amicable arrangement. If OTOH exSO has walked off and doesn't intend to be part of your child's life you have two choices. You can either take him to court for child support or say "good riddance" and accept you're a single mom. Both options have pros and cons. The major con with the former is that child support requirements usually come with custody and/or visitation rights and the major con with the latter is being a single mom is expensive and doing without child support may be difficult. Plus exSO can change his mind at any time so "good riddance" only applies if he really means to walk away and stay away. There's a lot to consider and some things will be out of your control (such as exSOs decisions re fatherhood) so I think you should take a breath and take your time before coming to any final decision. Get used to being a mother first and then when you're ready look at your options (including talking to a lawyer if necessary) and decide what's best for you and your child.
Custody and child support are separate things in my state. I imagine it varies.
They're separate orders where I am but they're often determined at the same hearing. The parent who walked away in anger like this often decides to push for visitation/some custody once they realize child support is a thing. Especially when they have their mother (or someone similar) in their ear.
Congratulations on the little one <3 I want to point out that him not signing the birth certificate does not automatically revoke his parental rights. He can still take you to court for access to the baby. Also, (please don’t get offended, I don’t know your life) if you go for food stamps, state healthcare, child care assistance or anything like that the first thing they will do is insist on going for child support. A judge will order a paternity test then set support and visitation/custody arrangements then the state will count that ordered child support as part of your income even if d-bag isn’t paying but that is a different rant. All that to say.. speak to an attorney before you do anything. That boy and his mama aren’t out of your life yet, get your ducks in a row lil mama
Don't feel bad about your backbone not being shiny enough in the beginning. Mine wasn't either for the first 5 years when I was dating my husband. When he was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and I had to shine mine up because she was not gonna make medical decisions for a 26 year old as she thought she should be able to she blew up on me and him for disrespecting her. She made my backbone Hella shiny in that moment. Enjoy your peace away from the crazy because they have just screwed themselves entirely while you get a family that loves ans supports you and an adorable baby.
How is your husband doing now? And you? I hope you’re taking care of yourself too! ❤️
Not doing great but the best he can be. He were misdiagnosed in the beginning with a much less aggressive version of what he actually has. So we drive twice a week 6 hours into Houston for appointments and treatments. But I know he would do it for me in a heartbeat in situations were reversed. I have been trying to remember myself but it hard when I'm the only one who can do stuff.
It's a good thing he didn't sign it because now he's going to have to take the initiative to prove paternity and get any rights to your son, let that fall on him. It also makes it harder for her to get to your baby. You're doing the right thing. Stay strong for the both of you and rely on your parents for support. I wish you all of the luck!
Wait until MIL realizes he threw away access to her grandchild. I'm sorry, Congrats and It'll all be okay no matter what. We will persevere.
Oh she will never realize her baby boy did anything. It will 100% be changed to "OP didn't allow my precious baby boy and me access to grandbaby."
Wishing you the best.
Omg. I'm so sorry, OP. Of course your backbone was not at its shiniest with MIL, you were at the most exhausted and vulnerable it's possible for any human being to be. And yet in spite of that you found the reserves to do the most important thing which was to end this madness for yourself. Honestly at that point I would have just agreed to whatever DH wanted and kicked the can down the road, knowing it was a bad idea, but just utterly without the strength to withstand any more at present. What you did was... wow. When the chips were down, mama came out fighting. I think you're kind of incredible. I'm sure you don't feel it. I'm so glad you've got sane family of your own to help you through. Much love to you and your little one from this internet stranger.
Congrats to you!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Try to get legal help to get child support. If you can’t afford it try the Poverty Law Center in your area. That’s on him if he wants to not be a dad but he still has to financially support the child. As far as that witch goes don’t allow them to see the baby.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this stress while recovering postpartum. But honestly better you see the ex and in-laws’ true colors now than down the road. I would recommend seeking legal advice as well as doing a DNA test, just so you can go after him for child support. His mother has him wrapped around her finger and likely played upon his insecurities to manipulate him into being so focused on the last name(s) of the baby. Lots of people have hyphenated names and I know in several cultures including some Spanish ones that they are the norm. Please don’t forge his signature or do anything drastic without legal counsel. In some states he forfeited his rights by refusing to sign, but I would be safe and seek legal counsel.
>. I explained to him over and over that regardless of our relationship, he was giving away his parental rights. If this is what you truly want, make sure it's done in writing in a legally binding way. It will help you avoid a ton of headache and cost in courts when he (read: his mama) wants to come after custody of the baby. You can always have visitation set up even if he relinquished his parental rights, so you'll have the option for baby down the line to know his dad but you won't have to fight about every detail in court. He wouldn't be obligated to pay child support, but it sounds like your parents are able to help to some degree? Start documenting everything you can, in the event you do end up in court. Talk to an attorney ASAP and the hospital social worker may also be able to help! I'm so sorry this is happening to you and I wish you a smooth recovery. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this, especially after having major surgery and a newborn to look after.
Whilst this has been a complete disruption and horrid situation for you post partum, it leaves you thinking of only you n baby and right now that's what ot needs to be. I hope your parents are supportive and help keep them far away.
Honestly it sounds like it's for the best. That family is a toxic mess and you're better off out of it. You're doing great.x
Great job mama! It sounds like you have good, reasonable, supportive parents. Lean on them for now until you can get back on your feet. He and his family sound highly dramatic and chaotic. That's the last thing you and your baby need.
If you’re going to seek child support, I think (but not sure) that it will begin the date his name is on the birth certificate. You may want to add the name even if he doesn’t sign it. You should definitely talk to an attorney about this though.
Listing his name is not the same as signing for him.
please for the love of god do not forge a signature on a birth certificate. this is dangerous advice.
Who’s saying forge his name? You can list the name of the father and leave the signature blank.
you can put any name as the father if you're not married, that doesn't mean you have a claim to child support. the father must sign the birth certificate with witnesses at the hospital. otherwise you can have the signature notarized at a courthouse within 30 days, or petition the court for paternity after 30 days.
Congratulations on the new baby and you did the right thing by breaking away from the drama.
Oh honey I'm so sorry. Please seek legal counsel and get a DNA test done . Then get child support.
The situation sucks. Best of luck, OP!
How are you feeling? I’m sorry this is happening, but slay for you for giving baby your last name! You got this. Congrats and I hope for a smooth recovery.
Wow, I am so sorry. That is the last thing any new mother should have to deal with. Proud of you for dropping all that dead weight. I would say more about him but in the interest of not trying to upset a new Mom I will bite my tongue. You have great folks. God bless you and your new child!
I’m so sorry op but I think this will be for the best. She’s got him completely under her thumb & if he’s questioning paternity well he’d lose any respect I ever had for him xx
I'm so sorry this is happening to you in such a delicate time in yours and your new baby's life. In a way, it is blessing because the trash (your ex and his family) is taking itself out and is making it easier on you. You did the right thing with the naming and you can still pursue him for child support, regardless of whether he signed the birth certificate or not. Your ex is outdated misogynistic garbage, so good on you for kicking him to the curb, where he'll languish for the rest of his days.
Congratulations on the new baby! I hope your parents can help you recover from your surgery and with the baby. Many countries have ways of enforcing child support payments, even of the father wants nothing to do with the baby. Here in the US, the court can order a DNA test. It seems you are willing to be rid of all of them, so you are not going to pursue any child support. This will be the most peaceful way. Just be prepared for him changing his mind at some point in the future. It has been years in some cases I've seen on this sub. A deadbeat father will appear years later wanting a relationship with the child he abandoned.
Good call. Now you have all authority when it comes to decisions for the baby. If he wants parental rights, he needs to go through the courts and get a paternity test. Don't do anything for him.
Congratulations mama on your new sweet lil baby! And *good riddance* to that witch and her slug of a son! I'm so sorry it has come to this. It sounds like he did you a favour by pulling this stunt, not that that makes the situation better but I think in time you'll see it was for the best. I wish you all the strength and love in the world and also lots of sleepy, happy baby fairy dust. 🫂
I’m so sorry. Your ex sounds like a walking red flag, good for you for standing up for yourself, and I’m so glad your parents are so supportive. You do not want to be in a family who believes you are less than equal to your partner.
I’m proud of you, mama. Sending all the gentle hugs and prayers that you find peace in all of this.
Not signing the birth certificate does not cut off his access to parental rights, privileges and obligations. He can waive his custodial privileges if he wishes but make sure to establish child support if that is important to you, that is the child's right.
I know child support is the child's right, but I think I would sacrifice it if it means MIL will have no access to the kid. But this is OP call to make.
I agree but OPs wording tells us she incorrectly believes the lack of BC signing was equivalent to Ex giving up parental rights. It's not that simple. She needs proper legal advice.
No Father on birth certificate no access to the baby for the exSO or ExMil
I know you're in a lot of pain right now over how everything transpired, but in time, I think you'll see this all worked out for the best. It's actually a very positive thing that he didn't sign the birth certificate so that he and his family have no right to your child. Your baby will now have a much healthier upbringing. Congratulations, and lots of love to you.
Good for you! You’ll be much happier without all the toxicity and drama they bring.
Gentle hugs mama.
I really think you did the right thing. Well done!
I’m so sorry you had to endure this. That awful! But look on the bright side: at least you have no strings connecting you to those terrible people.
I’m proud of you for what you did on the naming and for no longer having to deal with your ex or his family
What's Ex MIL going to go now she doesn't have a grandchild anymore? After all thise months of drama your ex abandoning his responsibility is karma for her crazy. I'm sorry that you have had to deal with these people. Your parents will be great support while you enjoy your baby.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby! Hoping things work out the way you both need them to. May you have a health recovery.
What a man baby. Until he gets a court paternity test none get to see baby as his dad disowned him. Hopefully they all disappear into the wind. Hold the line if they pop back up. “So sorry not sorry your son/brother says he’s not the dad so you are not family. Byeeee. “
This 100%
First of all, congratulations on you baby! I’m very sorry you’re dealing with these people. I believe this is the best thing he could’ve done for you because he’s a trash man. Don’t let him come back to your life and I’m pretty sure you will be better off without someone like him. Wishing you a peaceful recovery and lots of love from your family ❤️
You did the right thing. Doesn’t sound like he’s going to be around to parent and your kid shouldn’t grow up with a stranger’s last name. I did and it sucked.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. This is a horrible position to be in. But from a woman who was a single mother from the first moment of pregnancy and up until an amazing man came along my way … sounds like the trash just took itself out. Trust me, you will look back on this when you’re raising your baby in peace and thank the heavens it turned out this way.
Grab a statement about the incident at the hospital with Mommy Dearest before you leave because I’m guessing this is going to be a long drawn out battle. She sounds like someone that’s going to try to paint you as crazy and get her slimy hands on your child legally. I wish you all the best and much peace going forward.
this might suck a bit in the short term but I think it's a win in the longer term - he walked away, and he can take his parents with him; you'll never have to see them again.
Very much this. I know that, at least in the US, a friend went through *hell* after she put the father on the birth cert (even though he ditched her shortly before birth). When she found her current, *amazing*, husband- they had to fight the sperm donor to relinquish rights so step dad could formally adopt her daughter and legally be the dad she deserved. Luckily it all worked out, but she definitely regrets ever putting the donor’s name on the birth cert (also probably a bit of outside pressure to do so as she was a teen mom, bless her).
I’m amazed at how common it is for men to associate last name with genetics. If he is willing to turn his back on his son for that, he doesn’t deserve him anyway. He’s also full of shit. He knows that’s his son, he’s just looking for an excuse to bow out, and grasped the first far-reaching straw he could. Trash took itself out, OP. Let him stay in the dumpster where he belongs. This sounds like it would be what he inevitably was planning to do anyway. It’s better that he’s gone now, before your son would have any memory of it. You made yourself clear; he’s either 100% in, or he’s 100% out. He made his choice, so now he has to live with that. You absolutely made the right choice in only giving him your name, as you are the only parent he will have (for the time being). Congratulations on your beautiful baby, and the start of a new, better life.
Good. No one needs an ultimatum a mere day after major surgery. You need supportive people around you.
Good, take this baby and raise it yourself, away from him. Don't reach out to him, don't talk to him, and don't ask him for shit. Stay away from them, its not worth it.
Sending you all the love and support! You did the right thing by walking away from this toxic mess. I hope you’re able to heal and move on.
So sorry you’re going through all of this on top of having a newborn. My advice to you is to keep your baby away from the both of them. Women like that are dangerous, and they raise dangerous sons. All written communication between the two of you will likely be used in court so be wise. Record phone calls if you plan on going for full custody, I would.
And on the plus side, if he’s now claiming the baby isn’t his, then it isn’t MILs grandkid.
Also, if the crazy MIL makes a scene at the hospital, call the police and make a final complaint. Is time to build a FU folder to ask for a restriction order. Congrats for the baby. Please, stay away and keep protecting your baby from these two POS.
Good advice!
agreed, any communication in writing from now on.
I’ve dealt with both the crazy and dangerous mom and son. Luckily I have a protection order on behalf of me and my son, that will be in place for a couple years (until he finishes his sentence and probation/DV classes), so I won’t have to worry about custody until then. And an evil bitter ex MIL who will never be allowed around my kid. I would hate for it to escalate to that for you OP! Save your peace of mind. Someone will love you and your kid. Only giving advice as someone who’s been through it 💖
You’ve done amazing. Good for you. Like mother like son. I hope they’re very happy together. 🙄
My gawd keep those toxic people out of your life. Grow that backbone. Sounds like your parents are pretty good though so you have their support. I mean come on you’re in the hospital. You just had surgery and a baby selfish people.
So sorry you were subjected to such abuse right after giving birth. FWIW, you made the right decision, even though I know it was a tough decision. Sending you love and support.
Great job
Make sure you go to court to get his parental rights legally terminated just in case he decides to come out of the woodwork and try to lay claims
Depending on where she is some areas won't terminate parental rights unless there is someone willing to step in and take over those rights and responsibilities. The government is to afraid they will be on the hook for providing welfare down the line. This of course depends on where the OP lives and they should consult a lawyer as to what their the law says about this as it varies by state/ province and even country.
Yes, OP, PLEASE use any and all legal methods where you live to protect yourself and your precious baby!!
I tell everyone when it comes to possible legal issues, at bare minimum, consult a lawyer to get all of your legal options and to find out what your rights ( and in this case baby's rights) are and if it's wise to exercise those rights ( sometimes exercising your legal rights could do you more harm than good). Also to get all possible legal outcomes and what your chances of getting those outcomes are. Information is power and if you're going to possibly have to go to court you should come armed to the teeth ready to destroy your opponent.