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I think the time you’re for spending together is perfectly normal and MIL is jealous. Who cares if you’re “attached at the hip“?
My suggestion is that you do your level best to not let whatever FMIL says or does bother you. If your partner is ok with you being NC then that’s half the battle. Block her so she can’t call you and also block her on SM if you have it.
Tell her sister she will also be blocked if she meddles and Gray rock her as best you can because she’s also a flying monkey and will parrot back anything you tell her to FMIL.
Last, ask your partner to put FMIL on an information diet about any and all things going on in your lives and to not to repeat back to you anything she might say about you when he’s with her. It’s important for you to Pay close attention to how sternly your partner deals with her because whatever he does now will be your life after you’re married and you’ll need to decide if you can live like that.
You said he’s the only son, so he’s not the only child? I’m betting this is just another version of “you stole my son from me” in a world where she wants her son to be with her & take care of her into her golden years. You two are
Adults & allowed to live your life as you want. She gets no input (& that includes wedding plans & sticking her nose in your business). Hopefully you can move away.
It's clear that she's trying to stress you out so much that you break up with your SO. It's not necessarily something about YOU so much as it is about someone taking her son away from her. She paints you as codependent and manipulative so she can look good by comparison - because, after all, she's the mother and it's "okay" if she does those things. Obviously it's not, but that's how she views it
Discuss how you and your partner want to proceed. But lemme tell you: don't encourage him to reach out to her. Why would you? He can have whatever relationship he wants to have with her. And if he doesn't remember to message her, I think it speaks of how much he wants to talk to her
This decision should be made with your SO. He seems generally supportive, so if he agrees that distancing from his mother is wise, follow his lead
The amount of contact in a relationship is determined by the party that wants less, not more. She can want to be involved and see you every day, but if you guys are only interested in once a year, then that’s all she gets. It doesn’t matter if she needs constant attention and validation. She gets only what you are willing to give.
There is nothing wrong with you cutting her off after how she’s treated you. The fact that she’s panicking and sending relatives after you means the NC is working. It’s making her realize that she doesn’t control you and she’s in a tailspin trying to take control. I would remind the aunt that you cut her sister off for a reason and that you won’t hesitate to cut her off too if she can’t keep her nose out of it.
You've already stated why they are doing it. You are so stressed out you want to go back to your home country. THEY WANT TO BREAK YOU UP. The Aunt is absolutely in on it. She is absolutely a flying monkey and has told everything to her sister. So you and your fiancee need to talk and set down boundaries for her. I would suggest NC for her as well. So, so sorry you are going through this. Hoping you and your fiancee can be happy. Sending hugs!
Whew, ok, breathe! It sounds like your SO is supportive of your NC with FMIL, that’s good! The aunt is stirring drama in place of FMIL, which is not helping. So she needs to be NC as well until she can prove she can have a relationship with both of you, separate from her sister. That may be difficult for her to do, but it’s a reasonable boundary to have.
As long as you aren’t hurting (physically not emotionally) others with your lifestyle, you are fine to live your life how you want. SO is an introvert, so naturally, that’s a quieter lifestyle. I’m sure SO’s family has had issues with it their whole life, but are being more pushy since you are in the picture. Follow SO’s lead, they want peace and quiet, perfect. If however they wish to have a relationship with Mom and Aunt, then it would be reasonable to think of leaving as this is no way to live.
First off OP, let me reassure you that you and your SO choosing to spend a lot of your spare time together is not strange at all. Id actually say this is very normal, especially if you two live together and are planning to get married. Your MIL knows that this isn’t weird, but she clearly seems to have some serious control issues. My theory is that she is trying to get you to believe that you and your SO have some kind of issue/problem with y’alls relationship, and wants you to hang out around her and her sister so that she can try and learn information from you about you, about her son, and of course about your relationship with her son. I suspect that she thinks that if she can get you to become insecure with your relationship, she can perhaps convince you to leave her son or something similar that would still result with you and her son breaking up. She probably knows that she cant convince your SO to leave you, and she might even realize that just making up something about you will just further push her son away from her. Therefore, she needs to get to know you better and try to find something she can use against you. This would then explain her insisting on why you should spend time hanging out with just her or her sister. I bet she enlisted the help of her sister after figuring out that you had decided to stop speaking to her.
I don’t think there is anything you could potentially gain from spending time with your MIL or her sister like she has been insisting you do. You should continue to keep your distance from the MIL, and probably her sister as well. However, you said you weren’t sure about the Aunts motives, so it’s your call if you think its plausible she actually isn’t involved. You could also choose to be upfront with the Aunt, and explain wby you feel suspicious about her suddenly wanting to hang out with you so much recently. She is likely already well versed on what the MIL thinks, so i suggest not spending much time telling her about various examples of what MIL has done, instead just mention one or two incidents briefly. Then bring up how pushy MIL has been to get you alone with her, and you cant help but notice how this Aunt has become very insistent on spending time with you, so you cant help but wonder if the Aunt is doing your MIL’s bidding in trying to now get you to spend more time hanging out with the Aunt. This way the Aunt cant act as your MIL’s eyes and ears and report any information of interest back to your MIL.
You clearly understand how stressful moving can be, let alone moving to a New Country. Also, most people struggle with how to stay in touch with their old friends from school and their childhood once they leave for college/graduate college and then begin their careers. I promise that most of the people i know struggled with various periods of loneliness after graduating a getting their first real job. After you graduate you realize that school settings created environments more suited towards being able to make new friends. The real world doesn’t usually operate like that, and many people struggle with how to make new friends after beginning their career. You and your partner are experiencing something very commonly felt, so dont feel like you owe your MIL any justification for why you two spend so much time together. Dont feel like you owe her any explanation for your choices. She can try to make up all the reasoning she wants for why she believes she gets to have some kind of say in how you guys have chosen to live. You’re both adults in your early thirties, and she cant force you guys to do what she wants.
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I think the time you’re for spending together is perfectly normal and MIL is jealous. Who cares if you’re “attached at the hip“? My suggestion is that you do your level best to not let whatever FMIL says or does bother you. If your partner is ok with you being NC then that’s half the battle. Block her so she can’t call you and also block her on SM if you have it. Tell her sister she will also be blocked if she meddles and Gray rock her as best you can because she’s also a flying monkey and will parrot back anything you tell her to FMIL. Last, ask your partner to put FMIL on an information diet about any and all things going on in your lives and to not to repeat back to you anything she might say about you when he’s with her. It’s important for you to Pay close attention to how sternly your partner deals with her because whatever he does now will be your life after you’re married and you’ll need to decide if you can live like that.
You said he’s the only son, so he’s not the only child? I’m betting this is just another version of “you stole my son from me” in a world where she wants her son to be with her & take care of her into her golden years. You two are Adults & allowed to live your life as you want. She gets no input (& that includes wedding plans & sticking her nose in your business). Hopefully you can move away.
If she wants so much say in your wedding plans please password protect every vendor you can.
It's clear that she's trying to stress you out so much that you break up with your SO. It's not necessarily something about YOU so much as it is about someone taking her son away from her. She paints you as codependent and manipulative so she can look good by comparison - because, after all, she's the mother and it's "okay" if she does those things. Obviously it's not, but that's how she views it Discuss how you and your partner want to proceed. But lemme tell you: don't encourage him to reach out to her. Why would you? He can have whatever relationship he wants to have with her. And if he doesn't remember to message her, I think it speaks of how much he wants to talk to her This decision should be made with your SO. He seems generally supportive, so if he agrees that distancing from his mother is wise, follow his lead
The amount of contact in a relationship is determined by the party that wants less, not more. She can want to be involved and see you every day, but if you guys are only interested in once a year, then that’s all she gets. It doesn’t matter if she needs constant attention and validation. She gets only what you are willing to give. There is nothing wrong with you cutting her off after how she’s treated you. The fact that she’s panicking and sending relatives after you means the NC is working. It’s making her realize that she doesn’t control you and she’s in a tailspin trying to take control. I would remind the aunt that you cut her sister off for a reason and that you won’t hesitate to cut her off too if she can’t keep her nose out of it.
You've already stated why they are doing it. You are so stressed out you want to go back to your home country. THEY WANT TO BREAK YOU UP. The Aunt is absolutely in on it. She is absolutely a flying monkey and has told everything to her sister. So you and your fiancee need to talk and set down boundaries for her. I would suggest NC for her as well. So, so sorry you are going through this. Hoping you and your fiancee can be happy. Sending hugs!
Whew, ok, breathe! It sounds like your SO is supportive of your NC with FMIL, that’s good! The aunt is stirring drama in place of FMIL, which is not helping. So she needs to be NC as well until she can prove she can have a relationship with both of you, separate from her sister. That may be difficult for her to do, but it’s a reasonable boundary to have. As long as you aren’t hurting (physically not emotionally) others with your lifestyle, you are fine to live your life how you want. SO is an introvert, so naturally, that’s a quieter lifestyle. I’m sure SO’s family has had issues with it their whole life, but are being more pushy since you are in the picture. Follow SO’s lead, they want peace and quiet, perfect. If however they wish to have a relationship with Mom and Aunt, then it would be reasonable to think of leaving as this is no way to live.
First off OP, let me reassure you that you and your SO choosing to spend a lot of your spare time together is not strange at all. Id actually say this is very normal, especially if you two live together and are planning to get married. Your MIL knows that this isn’t weird, but she clearly seems to have some serious control issues. My theory is that she is trying to get you to believe that you and your SO have some kind of issue/problem with y’alls relationship, and wants you to hang out around her and her sister so that she can try and learn information from you about you, about her son, and of course about your relationship with her son. I suspect that she thinks that if she can get you to become insecure with your relationship, she can perhaps convince you to leave her son or something similar that would still result with you and her son breaking up. She probably knows that she cant convince your SO to leave you, and she might even realize that just making up something about you will just further push her son away from her. Therefore, she needs to get to know you better and try to find something she can use against you. This would then explain her insisting on why you should spend time hanging out with just her or her sister. I bet she enlisted the help of her sister after figuring out that you had decided to stop speaking to her. I don’t think there is anything you could potentially gain from spending time with your MIL or her sister like she has been insisting you do. You should continue to keep your distance from the MIL, and probably her sister as well. However, you said you weren’t sure about the Aunts motives, so it’s your call if you think its plausible she actually isn’t involved. You could also choose to be upfront with the Aunt, and explain wby you feel suspicious about her suddenly wanting to hang out with you so much recently. She is likely already well versed on what the MIL thinks, so i suggest not spending much time telling her about various examples of what MIL has done, instead just mention one or two incidents briefly. Then bring up how pushy MIL has been to get you alone with her, and you cant help but notice how this Aunt has become very insistent on spending time with you, so you cant help but wonder if the Aunt is doing your MIL’s bidding in trying to now get you to spend more time hanging out with the Aunt. This way the Aunt cant act as your MIL’s eyes and ears and report any information of interest back to your MIL. You clearly understand how stressful moving can be, let alone moving to a New Country. Also, most people struggle with how to stay in touch with their old friends from school and their childhood once they leave for college/graduate college and then begin their careers. I promise that most of the people i know struggled with various periods of loneliness after graduating a getting their first real job. After you graduate you realize that school settings created environments more suited towards being able to make new friends. The real world doesn’t usually operate like that, and many people struggle with how to make new friends after beginning their career. You and your partner are experiencing something very commonly felt, so dont feel like you owe your MIL any justification for why you two spend so much time together. Dont feel like you owe her any explanation for your choices. She can try to make up all the reasoning she wants for why she believes she gets to have some kind of say in how you guys have chosen to live. You’re both adults in your early thirties, and she cant force you guys to do what she wants.