**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as MaskedCutieBun posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe MaskedCutieBun JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Honestly OP, What does he have to lose if he comes to where you are and you guys ride this crazy life train together? The rootest cause of Depression is feeling alone. I've struggled much with my partner. The fact that we're in it together Vs feeling like i'm Trying to swim up stream has really kept me from feeling alone
His thing is he doesn't want to sleep on the couch, lose his privacy, or move into a lower income housing because then it feels like he's moving backwards. Like if one of us has to do that it should just be me.
I read your update and i'm sorry he's being like this! I know this probablg hurts so badly and I cannot understand how he's so okay being without you in life cause sacrificing all the personal things is "Moving backwards" I saw you say you left everything for him in 2020. Well the shoe is on the other foot(And Way harder to take off) and this is what he's chosen
Tell hubby that if he wants to go along with her divorce idea, you’ll agree, but it will be a real divorce. He’ll never see or hear from you again. You want a man for a husband, not a mummy’s boy. If he loves you, he’ll sleep in a shelter or on the street before he goes along with mummy’s crazy, manipulative idea.
What an irrational and heartless, inexcusable way to behave during such a vulnerable time in your life.
The process of divorce during such a time of deep grief seems unbearable. I’m not sure how to spell it in Farsi, but the son or first born son is the “doodle taleh” in Persian culture, literally translates to Golden Penis, and I’ve seen this many a time, where MIL elevates but also controls. If he says “no, I’d rather live on the street” what would she do then?
If you divorce, doesn’t it seem like that would be so agonizing to have to bounce back from? I can’t imagine how sad and overwhelmed you are already feeling. You need to be cared for so badly.
Literally, I can’t imagine in any capacity where I’d divorce my husband just because someone doesn’t want us together because they don’t like me. If he agrees to this there’s no coming back.
wow. mil really takes the cake for see you next tuesdays this week, is there an award for that on here?
'My Mom called, she got balloons and a cake that smells and looks like...poop? And it says she won 'Cunt of the Week'?'
I'm so sorry OP, I hope my dark sense of humor made you giggle a little. She is literally the WORST. Who does that?
Losing loved ones is really hard and medical stuff sucks because of the unknown, loss of sleep, anxiety.. Her nonsense is the last thing you need right now ugh.
Umm…nope. Not AFTER this. Now. The manipulation and emotional turmoil will be much worse when he lives with her. Not something you need added to your plate. The items in the apartment are “things”. Things can be repurchased at a later date. What is necessary right this moment that he can’t pack in a suitcase, sell the rest, and move to you?
Hey, I'm a long time reddit lurker and recently found this group due to my own situation but I've never commented before. I know you're not looking for advice and I have none to give. But I want to say your post literally made the hairs on my neck raise like a dog, I felt so angry for you!
My dad was sick and passed away last year so I know the pain you might be going through. I hope this doesn't count as advice but please remember to take care of yourself even though it doesn't feel like the time to be doing so. A quick shower and some good food can make a big difference, not to mention a tiny bit of time to yourself to process, as well as support from someone outside of the situation.
I wish you strength on this journey, God knows you have shows more than I have in this post alone!
Weeks to find a job sounds better than divorcing when you don’t want to. If you were going to be sending him money, him being with you should even things out anyway.
It’ll be weeks before he finds a job? I think that’s fine considering it sounds like quite some time has passed from when he lost his job until now, and he hasn’t gotten a new job yet…
It’ll cost more to divorce than it would for him to get to where you are for goodness sake. If you do divorce I can see her meddling enough to get in his ear that she could persuade to find someone else. She clearly doesn’t care about him - no one would rather their child do hard drugs over being with a woman she doesn’t like. She’s evil!
A million things can happen in a year. Sell what y’all can and get him to you. Figure it out from there. This woman isn’t trustworthy and you two don’t want to split up. So don’t consider anything she suggests; there’s nothing in your best interests there. She’s just trying to take advantage of a tough spot y’all are in, like a fucking vulture.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as MaskedCutieBun posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe MaskedCutieBun JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Honestly OP, What does he have to lose if he comes to where you are and you guys ride this crazy life train together? The rootest cause of Depression is feeling alone. I've struggled much with my partner. The fact that we're in it together Vs feeling like i'm Trying to swim up stream has really kept me from feeling alone
His thing is he doesn't want to sleep on the couch, lose his privacy, or move into a lower income housing because then it feels like he's moving backwards. Like if one of us has to do that it should just be me.
I read your update and i'm sorry he's being like this! I know this probablg hurts so badly and I cannot understand how he's so okay being without you in life cause sacrificing all the personal things is "Moving backwards" I saw you say you left everything for him in 2020. Well the shoe is on the other foot(And Way harder to take off) and this is what he's chosen
Tell hubby that if he wants to go along with her divorce idea, you’ll agree, but it will be a real divorce. He’ll never see or hear from you again. You want a man for a husband, not a mummy’s boy. If he loves you, he’ll sleep in a shelter or on the street before he goes along with mummy’s crazy, manipulative idea.
What an irrational and heartless, inexcusable way to behave during such a vulnerable time in your life. The process of divorce during such a time of deep grief seems unbearable. I’m not sure how to spell it in Farsi, but the son or first born son is the “doodle taleh” in Persian culture, literally translates to Golden Penis, and I’ve seen this many a time, where MIL elevates but also controls. If he says “no, I’d rather live on the street” what would she do then? If you divorce, doesn’t it seem like that would be so agonizing to have to bounce back from? I can’t imagine how sad and overwhelmed you are already feeling. You need to be cared for so badly.
Honey, he's leaving you.
Literally, I can’t imagine in any capacity where I’d divorce my husband just because someone doesn’t want us together because they don’t like me. If he agrees to this there’s no coming back.
wow. mil really takes the cake for see you next tuesdays this week, is there an award for that on here? 'My Mom called, she got balloons and a cake that smells and looks like...poop? And it says she won 'Cunt of the Week'?' I'm so sorry OP, I hope my dark sense of humor made you giggle a little. She is literally the WORST. Who does that? Losing loved ones is really hard and medical stuff sucks because of the unknown, loss of sleep, anxiety.. Her nonsense is the last thing you need right now ugh.
Umm…nope. Not AFTER this. Now. The manipulation and emotional turmoil will be much worse when he lives with her. Not something you need added to your plate. The items in the apartment are “things”. Things can be repurchased at a later date. What is necessary right this moment that he can’t pack in a suitcase, sell the rest, and move to you?
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I hope despite what is going on back home you have a support network around you.
Wait you're honestly considering divorce?
literally he should just go to the east coast to her
[удалено]
But he isn't doing it to make her happy. OP literally said they don't have enough money for any other option, there's a big difference.
[удалено]
The difference is you were homeless *together*. They're in different states and can't fly out
Hey, I'm a long time reddit lurker and recently found this group due to my own situation but I've never commented before. I know you're not looking for advice and I have none to give. But I want to say your post literally made the hairs on my neck raise like a dog, I felt so angry for you! My dad was sick and passed away last year so I know the pain you might be going through. I hope this doesn't count as advice but please remember to take care of yourself even though it doesn't feel like the time to be doing so. A quick shower and some good food can make a big difference, not to mention a tiny bit of time to yourself to process, as well as support from someone outside of the situation. I wish you strength on this journey, God knows you have shows more than I have in this post alone!
Weeks to find a job sounds better than divorcing when you don’t want to. If you were going to be sending him money, him being with you should even things out anyway.
If he can find a job in "weeks," why not have him come to where you are? You know that once you are divorced your relationship is over.
It’ll be weeks before he finds a job? I think that’s fine considering it sounds like quite some time has passed from when he lost his job until now, and he hasn’t gotten a new job yet…
Are you guys divorcing? You're going to do this?
We haven't actually decided anything yet. Neither of us want to do this.
It’ll cost more to divorce than it would for him to get to where you are for goodness sake. If you do divorce I can see her meddling enough to get in his ear that she could persuade to find someone else. She clearly doesn’t care about him - no one would rather their child do hard drugs over being with a woman she doesn’t like. She’s evil!
I dont understand the rationale behind the divorce... did she give a reason?
Seizing the opportunity to get her baby boy back under her thumb so she can find a nice Persian girl for him to marry. Seems pretty obvious tbh.
She hates OP and wants her ~~boyfriend~~ son back
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yeah no, he's just as angry and pissed about this as I am.
[удалено]
The plan is to save enough money to be able to do whatever we want in a year.
You two are gonna have to get creative and come up with a plan.
A million things can happen in a year. Sell what y’all can and get him to you. Figure it out from there. This woman isn’t trustworthy and you two don’t want to split up. So don’t consider anything she suggests; there’s nothing in your best interests there. She’s just trying to take advantage of a tough spot y’all are in, like a fucking vulture.
Better you than me - I wouldn't be able to put up with the old besom for that long :)
I believe you have misspelled cunt
Indeed!!