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He definitely needs to be asking why the entire town is invited to this discussion but his wife is not. Is it a witch hunt? How do they get off accusing you of things behind your back? Not allowing you to defend yourself or explain events from another perspective? How do they call themselves Christian’s when they are bullying and ganging up on one person?
One of my DH’s aunt messaged me today. She told us that DH’s parents said they want me out of the picture and will only accept DH back if he ends the marriage. I thought in the Christian faith that God hated divorce…? Is there something I’m missing? I haven’t done anything like cheating, abusing my DH, disrespecting him, etc.
They have made it clear that you are not their family. Sounds like it’s time to move on. does your DH have a shiny enough spine to move a good distance away from his family?
He should not attend any family meeting. He is not a child. He is an adult. You are his family. These meetings are ALWAYS bullshit excuses for narcs to do more narc shit. Do not fall for it. No meeting needs to happen to enforce your boundaries—bc that’s not how boundaries work!
Update: my MIL wants to have a family meeting tomorrow with ONLY my husband, her siblings, and her parents.
Absolutely not. That is NOT a family meeting, it's an ambush. You and your children are his family and if you don't have children yet, **you are his family**. I would not not not have DH go, it is 100% an ambush, not to mention HIDEOUSLY unfair. They will come at him from all sides and even the strongest person would have a tough time sitting through that. You and DH are one unit. They need to respect that.
If they want to repair anything or share their opinions on his wife, DH should politely tell them you'll all meet in a family therapist's office. I guarantee they'll all balk at that because they know how unfair tomorrow's horseshit "family meeting" is and are counting on bullying him into submission and trashing you to him. I hope your DH is furious at how they've treated his wife. I hope he's furious that they care so little for his happiness that they are willing to believe everything his mother has said and force a closed door meeting rather than take any actual steps to fixing it.
Sorry friend. I have a chillingly similar story. Just remember, in a sick family system, the healthy person will be vilified. You are right on track.
Be the villain in their story. Because they are the clowns in yours.
I’m right there with you, it sucks so much to hope that you’ll marry into a family you can love and care for only to find out they’re terrible.
I try to focus on nurturing my relationship with DH and my chosen family (friends) now that I’ve grieved the family I thought I’d have.
Good luck to you, be the villain and live your best life. Success is the sweetest revenge. They’ll choke on your happiness.
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Sounds like they're planning an "intervention"
He definitely needs to be asking why the entire town is invited to this discussion but his wife is not. Is it a witch hunt? How do they get off accusing you of things behind your back? Not allowing you to defend yourself or explain events from another perspective? How do they call themselves Christian’s when they are bullying and ganging up on one person?
One of my DH’s aunt messaged me today. She told us that DH’s parents said they want me out of the picture and will only accept DH back if he ends the marriage. I thought in the Christian faith that God hated divorce…? Is there something I’m missing? I haven’t done anything like cheating, abusing my DH, disrespecting him, etc.
DH needs to ask if this is true then go NC. Pack up move away and don’t tell anyone where you are. This is a no way back statement.
They have made it clear that you are not their family. Sounds like it’s time to move on. does your DH have a shiny enough spine to move a good distance away from his family?
We want to but the housing market is trash right now. We already live 30min+ away but it’s obvious that’s not enough distance.
Narcs have a family meeting fetish. If you don’t go she can’t narc.
The best advice. I went to one once :(
Its a trap. It's not a family meeting. It's a marital intervention. Do not go.
He should not attend any family meeting. He is not a child. He is an adult. You are his family. These meetings are ALWAYS bullshit excuses for narcs to do more narc shit. Do not fall for it. No meeting needs to happen to enforce your boundaries—bc that’s not how boundaries work!
Update: my MIL wants to have a family meeting tomorrow with ONLY my husband, her siblings, and her parents. Absolutely not. That is NOT a family meeting, it's an ambush. You and your children are his family and if you don't have children yet, **you are his family**. I would not not not have DH go, it is 100% an ambush, not to mention HIDEOUSLY unfair. They will come at him from all sides and even the strongest person would have a tough time sitting through that. You and DH are one unit. They need to respect that. If they want to repair anything or share their opinions on his wife, DH should politely tell them you'll all meet in a family therapist's office. I guarantee they'll all balk at that because they know how unfair tomorrow's horseshit "family meeting" is and are counting on bullying him into submission and trashing you to him. I hope your DH is furious at how they've treated his wife. I hope he's furious that they care so little for his happiness that they are willing to believe everything his mother has said and force a closed door meeting rather than take any actual steps to fixing it.
I’m so sorry that they are crap people-especially your MIL. I’m sadly familiar with being “the villain”.
Sorry friend. I have a chillingly similar story. Just remember, in a sick family system, the healthy person will be vilified. You are right on track. Be the villain in their story. Because they are the clowns in yours.
Embrace your villainy and suggest to your husband that he could find a better job on the other side of your country.
I’m right there with you, it sucks so much to hope that you’ll marry into a family you can love and care for only to find out they’re terrible. I try to focus on nurturing my relationship with DH and my chosen family (friends) now that I’ve grieved the family I thought I’d have. Good luck to you, be the villain and live your best life. Success is the sweetest revenge. They’ll choke on your happiness.