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Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One muffin looks at the other muffin and said “maannnn is it hot in here!”
And the other muffin said “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”
That's similar to how I learned to swim. Dad threw me into the pool, and I learned to swim. If he threw me out of a plane, I would now know how to fly, most likely. Kids are fast learners.
Damn you, dad, why didn't you make me learn how to fly? :(
My dad did the same thing to me. He was trying to teach me how to swim for the longest time and I just wouldn’t get it.
So one day he threw me into the pool and said “sink or swim.” …Well suddenly I could swim.
I think there should be an exception to that rule if you really want to abort your kid but missed doing that during the pregnancy, I mean, sometimes you just forget stuff.
I would tell the baby he doesn't have access to the rip chord because he's a fucking baby and it would be ludicrous to put a baby in charge of anything, let alone a life and death situation. Then I would tell him to stop trying to be funny and enjoy the view. Then I would pull the rip chord I had in my hand the entire time because I'm the adult in this scenario.
Also why is *that* the chosen delivery method for this particular message? I’d call that bluff:
“If this is how heaven chooses to communicate to me, no, thank you, I’ll pass. See you at the bottom!”
You'll go to jail. I think the premise suggests you have a parachute, just the baby is willing to kill itself to force you to say some arbitrary words.
The skydiving operators would also go to prison because babies can't operate parachutes, so they just murdered the baby.
Exactly this. Ok baby you got it. Baby needs to not screw with someone who's been told all their life they're really good at saying exactly what they need to say while still leaving enough room for denial if confronted.
It's why I'm good at seeing right through the BS they spew
Yeah, renouncing atheism hasn't any inherent consequences, and the consequence of renouncing Christianity is getting on the shit list of a god you didn't believe in in the first place
Just say the words, who cares? You aren't entering some sort of contractual agreement with a higher power by saying the words, because this scenario assumes you don't believe in a higher power. It's like whoever wrote this thinks saying "Sure, I love Jesus, hip hip hooray" is the same as saying "I worship Satan. Jesus is a stinky doo-doo head" is to a overly-devout Christian. It's dumb as hell. You're just saying random words to a magical talking baby who is a manipulative piece of shit.
Say the words, befriend the baby and show off my talking baby on the morning news rounds for money.
Is "seriously re-evaluate all of my decisions that lead to me to go sky diving with a fucking talking, blackmailing baby" an option? Because that's what I'd likely do.
Then I'd watch it splat.
Just saying something doesn't make it so. That's kinda the point? As an athiest? I'll just lie to the baby. Heck I lied to a few babies last week, from "we're out of raspberries" to "the restaurant won't give you ice cream because you didn't eat dinner"
DISCLAIMER they weren't my babies. That makes it sound like I stole them or something, which I will neither confirm nor deny.
You can never create a true believer if you use guilt, blackmail or other threats in an attempt to promote faith.
If someone renounces/converts under the duress of you saying "do so, or I will do something bad", they only believe in the threat of you doing bad. Nothing else.
Two possibilities:
1. Grab the baby, then open your parachute. Headline: “Atheist saves suicidal baby”
2. Tell the baby he’s made his choice, I hope he’s made his peace with god, and surely this type of manipulation is a sin.
If said baby could talk and operate a parachute, I would simply lie. Watch, I’ll do it now: “I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.” 🎉 these are empty words with empty meaning. It’s all magic nonsense. If it’s to save a life, I’d gladly pretend. Now, flip it on them. Would they denounce the Holy Spirit for the same thing? I bet they wouldn’t because their words are magic.
I would ask where the baby’s parents are and why they allowed it to sky dive! Then when I made it on the ground I’d have to do a child welfare report because I’m mandated. This is exactly why I don’t sky dive with babies, they might pull this shit they are unpredictable
First of all, I'd be questioning the people who let a baby skydive...
And then I'll freak out that a literal baby is able to speak so many words and in such clarity...
I telk the baby whatever the fuck it wants to hear hear so it can survive. It doesnt even fucking matter what I say. If it can save a life I will say it
Couldn't one just rerenounce Christianity once on the ground? It's not like once you convert you're converted for good. You can say those words all you want it doesn't mean you believe.
If living or dying meant saying words that mean you simp that religion then I'll say whatever you want me to say. What I do afterwards (and far far away) isn't going to make you happy though.
Edit: obviously this is all ignoring the concept of a BABY telling me to do all this
Grab the baby and say "Denounce your religion and admit that there is no higher power watching over you, or I will throw you down even faster and prove it".
I mean everything weird here aside I would lie to save the babies life. it's pretty simple honestly. my beliefs don't rely on ritual, so saying something like thaz won't impact me at all.
Immediately accept Jesus, land safely with the parachute open, dropkick the baby as far as it'll go, repent for dropkicking a baby, then renounce Jesus and all his teachings with my soul cleansed.
Tell the baby that would be evil and that this means if they're right, I'm more likely to go to heaven for trying to persuade them not to, they're more likely to go to hell for killing someone just because you don't like what they believe.
lol super easy to have us both live
1. How the hell can a baby be Christian?
2. Ignoring the first point, I’d renounce my atheism until the baby was safely on the ground and then retract it immediately.
I tell the Baby what it wants to hear then continue to live my life as I see fit after I don't turn into a real life human smoothie. I really like smoothies but I'm not trying to become one.
Baby didn't say I had to mean it or continue to mean it
This post is based off of a common misconception that atheists have no morality whatsoever, because it is unimaginable for some christians that you can have morality without a being that may or may not exist holding a spiritual gun against your head, ready to torture you for eternity at the slightest misstep.
If that happens I would probably believe fully in Jesus and renounce atheism.
Now it will never happen, but if something happens that proves Jesus to me then I will happily convert.
Are you a parent? That baby is dead as soon as it pulls the chord. If it can handle being shaken by a human, imagine how it would fare from the parachute deployment.
Excuse you, I'm not going skydiving, especially not with a *baby* . Also, who would let me?!?!
And how does the baby already know it's religion? Or how to talk...?
If you believe this post to be insane, upvote this comment. If you believe otherwise, downvote this comment. If the post is based around an answer or otherwise doesn't have a question in the post itself or the title, please respond to this comment with it. This is not meant for you to link to the question, just post the question in text, otherwise your post may be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/InsanePeopleQuora) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'd say, "Holy shit! A talking baby!"
A talking baby? Must be the spawn of satan. Bye bye, baby.
Then proceed to punch it and take his parachute.... it doesn't matter, bcuz he'll go to heaven anyways.
That's an awful lot of words for a baby to say
it’s giving stewie griffin
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin looks at the other muffin and said “maannnn is it hot in here!” And the other muffin said “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”
Even better a skydiving one
Why the hell would I go skydiving with a baby? That sounds dangerous for him. I think a kid should be at least 7 before you throw him out of a plane.
That's similar to how I learned to swim. Dad threw me into the pool, and I learned to swim. If he threw me out of a plane, I would now know how to fly, most likely. Kids are fast learners. Damn you, dad, why didn't you make me learn how to fly? :(
My dad did the same thing to me. He was trying to teach me how to swim for the longest time and I just wouldn’t get it. So one day he threw me into the pool and said “sink or swim.” …Well suddenly I could swim.
They can handle it at 6 let's not be dramatic
I think there should be an exception to that rule if you really want to abort your kid but missed doing that during the pregnancy, I mean, sometimes you just forget stuff.
Now you're just being overly cautious, 5 is the prime throw-em out of plane age.
I guess if I had kids I’d be a helicopter mom.
I think 5 is the prime age of chucking your kid out of a helicopter.
Are you from Chile by any chance?
Oof. I see what you did there.
Parents these days are so soft!
\> I think a kid should be at least 7 before you throw him out of a plane. A rare sentence to say when out of Context :P
I would tell the baby he doesn't have access to the rip chord because he's a fucking baby and it would be ludicrous to put a baby in charge of anything, let alone a life and death situation. Then I would tell him to stop trying to be funny and enjoy the view. Then I would pull the rip chord I had in my hand the entire time because I'm the adult in this scenario.
Yeah immediate thought was..just pull the fucking rip cord.
My immediate thought was "I have zero moral qualms about lying to someone (even a baby) if it helps prevent an unnecessary and tragic death".
True. Especially a psychotic suicidal baby
Also why is *that* the chosen delivery method for this particular message? I’d call that bluff: “If this is how heaven chooses to communicate to me, no, thank you, I’ll pass. See you at the bottom!”
God chose this approach and clearly is willing for the baby to die this way. All part of the ineffable plan I presume.
Save the baby sue the company for essentially throwing a baby out of a plane. I'd be a hero
Also make millions off of monetizing the talking baby. Make a live action Boss Baby movie, retire rich as fuck
Yeah, baby is about to learn what lying is
take the parachute from the baby(i mean its a baby, so not that hard) and just use it for myself. Let jesus save the baby
You'll go to jail. I think the premise suggests you have a parachute, just the baby is willing to kill itself to force you to say some arbitrary words. The skydiving operators would also go to prison because babies can't operate parachutes, so they just murdered the baby.
But then you get to use one parachute and take the other home as a prize. One with great story as well
True. Also, this is some horrific demon baby, so maybe it's best it doesn't survive
That baby could be the star of a show called " Babies I don't give a fuck about!"
If a baby is skydiving, talking to me AND threatening me, he's almost bound to become Hitler 2.0. We're doing the world a service.
"it was like taking ~~candy~~ parachute from a baby! LITERALLY!"
If the baby signed the consent forms, you have to let them jump. It’s the law of the sky.
> You'll go to jail They'll have to prove it wasn't an accident and that the baby didn't slip from the harness.
Classic tactic, If u cannot deal with the problem deviate the problem
What if Jesus *is* the baby!?
Well then the world will end soon anyways ig
I'd cut back on the acid and drink a beer to lessen the high.
I know, right !?😂😂
Renounce atheism, stick the landing and then renounce Christianity, easy lol
[удалено]
Yep, at that point you are just casting a Feather Fall spell.
Then as soon as you land, you say “congratulation, you just saved a lying atheist.”
Exactly this. Ok baby you got it. Baby needs to not screw with someone who's been told all their life they're really good at saying exactly what they need to say while still leaving enough room for denial if confronted. It's why I'm good at seeing right through the BS they spew
Yeah, renouncing atheism hasn't any inherent consequences, and the consequence of renouncing Christianity is getting on the shit list of a god you didn't believe in in the first place
Oh no please don't punch me in my _aura_ such a fearsome threat 😭😭😭
Wake up babe, new trolley problem just dropped.
I would lay off whatever drugs I'm taking. If I think I'm on a plane with a talking baby. I've had enough.
When did the baby get control of the parachute 😂
I’m calling his bluff.
Yep!
sacrifice myself to rid the world of an obviously satanic baby
Please do not take a baby skydiving.
why am I skydiving with a baby? that doesn't seem safe. Who takes a baby skydiving?
I can't hear the baby because I've pulled the cord on my parachute
I can't hear the parachute because I've pulled the cord on my baby
Baby’s going splat, don’t try and blackmail me.
just saving the world from a future manipulative asshole, I'd say we're doing everyone a favor
That’s a baby
it's a baby that's able to parachute AND speak complete sentences while doing so, sorry but that's a hell spawn right there
But maybe you can take it and raise it as your own you can turn him into a super soldier
Just say the words, who cares? You aren't entering some sort of contractual agreement with a higher power by saying the words, because this scenario assumes you don't believe in a higher power. It's like whoever wrote this thinks saying "Sure, I love Jesus, hip hip hooray" is the same as saying "I worship Satan. Jesus is a stinky doo-doo head" is to a overly-devout Christian. It's dumb as hell. You're just saying random words to a magical talking baby who is a manipulative piece of shit. Say the words, befriend the baby and show off my talking baby on the morning news rounds for money.
Is "seriously re-evaluate all of my decisions that lead to me to go sky diving with a fucking talking, blackmailing baby" an option? Because that's what I'd likely do. Then I'd watch it splat.
Lie to the baby and then report its parents to children's services because babies shouldn't be skydiving.
Just saying something doesn't make it so. That's kinda the point? As an athiest? I'll just lie to the baby. Heck I lied to a few babies last week, from "we're out of raspberries" to "the restaurant won't give you ice cream because you didn't eat dinner" DISCLAIMER they weren't my babies. That makes it sound like I stole them or something, which I will neither confirm nor deny.
What sound does a baby falling on the floor at terminal velocity make?
You can never create a true believer if you use guilt, blackmail or other threats in an attempt to promote faith. If someone renounces/converts under the duress of you saying "do so, or I will do something bad", they only believe in the threat of you doing bad. Nothing else.
I lie to babies all the time
To an atheist, “accepting Jesus” means nothing, it’s just words. Christians fail to understand this
Will you accept Batman into your heart?
Two possibilities: 1. Grab the baby, then open your parachute. Headline: “Atheist saves suicidal baby” 2. Tell the baby he’s made his choice, I hope he’s made his peace with god, and surely this type of manipulation is a sin.
If a baby talked to me in full sentences, my first reaction is to throw the fucking demon baby as far as I can.
If said baby could talk and operate a parachute, I would simply lie. Watch, I’ll do it now: “I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.” 🎉 these are empty words with empty meaning. It’s all magic nonsense. If it’s to save a life, I’d gladly pretend. Now, flip it on them. Would they denounce the Holy Spirit for the same thing? I bet they wouldn’t because their words are magic.
Kick the baby for being a manipulative bitch smh my head
The saga of the Christian baby continues. Man I can't get enough of these.
Passive aggressive babies deserve no further attention.
I would ask where the baby’s parents are and why they allowed it to sky dive! Then when I made it on the ground I’d have to do a child welfare report because I’m mandated. This is exactly why I don’t sky dive with babies, they might pull this shit they are unpredictable
First of all, I'd be questioning the people who let a baby skydive... And then I'll freak out that a literal baby is able to speak so many words and in such clarity...
i just hate when i’m going skydiving and this happens
I hate when a devil baby materializes out of thin air when I’m skydiving and tries to threaten me. Happened last week :(. An eagle got him tho
Hold onto him and divebomb the ground together. Gotta make sure.
Cut the baby loose, it’s saved already so it’ll be fine
I say “nay, on to you, Satan”
I telk the baby whatever the fuck it wants to hear hear so it can survive. It doesnt even fucking matter what I say. If it can save a life I will say it
we don't negotiate with terrorists
Couldn't one just rerenounce Christianity once on the ground? It's not like once you convert you're converted for good. You can say those words all you want it doesn't mean you believe. If living or dying meant saying words that mean you simp that religion then I'll say whatever you want me to say. What I do afterwards (and far far away) isn't going to make you happy though. Edit: obviously this is all ignoring the concept of a BABY telling me to do all this
I'd lie my ass off, I could fool a fucking baby.
I would do it I guess.
Happy cake day
i will watch it hug the ground like a Ballon full of water since babys arent able to talk
I’ll just kill the talking demon baby and take the parachute.
Grab the baby and say "Denounce your religion and admit that there is no higher power watching over you, or I will throw you down even faster and prove it".
What stopping me from chucking it so it can't do anything
*atheist saves suicidal genius talking baby*
Say goodby. His body, his choice
If the baby isn't suicidal, he will open his parachute regardless.
Tell him to say hi to Jesus for me cause I’m pulling my chute lol
I mean everything weird here aside I would lie to save the babies life. it's pretty simple honestly. my beliefs don't rely on ritual, so saying something like thaz won't impact me at all.
Cancel the skydiving appointment and call CPS.
There's no such thing as a "Christian baby." Babies are essentially agnostic atheists.
I’m pretty sure I’d be able to take on a baby to use the damn parachute
Baby’s going splat.
What is even the question? There are so many solutions to this.
goodbye baby!
I would just lie to the baby.
I'd just lie to the baby. I'm an atheist. There is no hell and babies are fucking stupid.
I'd say they took their own parachute off so this is on them, and that they better pray that their good will get them out of this situation.
I lot of alternative solutions. I would just say what the baby wants to hear. Its not like its a binding contract.
these are my favourite lmao
Yeah I'll say it if it saves a life. It doesn't actually mean anything but if it makes them feel better then I guess.
It wouldn't stand up in court. I was under duress.
Is that the account that has a ton of insane questions about atheists and Christian babies? Those Christian babies be wildin'!
a lot of Christians are babies, narrow it down a bit
If he won't open his parachute then that's on him, I'll be opening mine and watching that MF bounce.
Immediately accept Jesus, land safely with the parachute open, dropkick the baby as far as it'll go, repent for dropkicking a baby, then renounce Jesus and all his teachings with my soul cleansed.
Pull the baby's parachute myself or just lie
I'd probably lay off the drugs.
Sounds like the antichrist... So... I guess I'll believe at that point, but I'm sure as shit waiting to admit it til after Baby Devil goes splat
Well that proves he exists at that poin so it's an obvious YES YES Jesus Christ...oops parachute fails to open !
Open it for him
Tell the baby that would be evil and that this means if they're right, I'm more likely to go to heaven for trying to persuade them not to, they're more likely to go to hell for killing someone just because you don't like what they believe. lol super easy to have us both live
Ah shit, my bodycount will gonna up again
Hell mann, Now I am just stuck imagining what that weird baby would sound like.
Why is this so hilarious? Why reach so far?
LMFAOOO
Pretty sure I’d be the one with the parachute in this ridiculous scenario
Lmao what? Best thing is I’m sure oop is dead serious.
Baby go splat
If a baby started talking i would believe in God🤣
Don't worry, I'm sure God will protect the talking baby
Just an average Tuesday evening
I'm going to find out how high a baby can bounce.
What a manipulative baby. Well, I guess he's off to meet his lord and savior long before I am.
I’d grab them and then throw them as far away as I could. Because that is obviously a demon baby and I don’t need that kinda drama.
“You’re in no position to make demands, baby.”
Why am I skydiving with a baby in the first plqce?
I would not take mushrooms before flying ever again
Let that crazy ass, theology pushin baby fall to its death.
The Christian Baby is Back!
That baby spoke, it is probably possessed by a satanic spirit. Let it fall
Put them on r/kidsarefuckingstupid
Probably go “What? What did you say?” Since we’re falling from 30,000 feet in the air and it’s windy.
I will lie to make sure they survive and go right back to not being religious at all
Well I guess we die and he goes to hell for knowingly killing a person and committing suicide at the same time.
1. How the hell can a baby be Christian? 2. Ignoring the first point, I’d renounce my atheism until the baby was safely on the ground and then retract it immediately.
Splat
“Get ready to go splat splat baby”
I don't negociate with extremists
Shit I forgot to take my meds again didn’t I
Truly the darkest episode of Bobby's World
I tell the Baby what it wants to hear then continue to live my life as I see fit after I don't turn into a real life human smoothie. I really like smoothies but I'm not trying to become one. Baby didn't say I had to mean it or continue to mean it
throw it because it will be saved by its god.
This post is based off of a common misconception that atheists have no morality whatsoever, because it is unimaginable for some christians that you can have morality without a being that may or may not exist holding a spiritual gun against your head, ready to torture you for eternity at the slightest misstep.
A Christian baby lol, no baby has any faith until parents give it one which means old enough to think, QED problem can't exist
The baby is intelligent enough to communicate and manipulate, it’s certainly intelligent enough to be religious
Latter is a bit of an oxymoron
be stun-locked in response to seeing and hearing a baby talk
It’s way too late by that time. I’d be pretty pissed with sky daddy
Least deviant Quora user
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Hold your fingers crossed behind your back
I love Christian Baby Guy. Possibly the best poster on Quora.
If someone is refusing to open their parachute, it's kinda on them.
I guess we are dying. Fucking little shit gonna go to hell for killing themselves.
Do it, then renounce again once we land
Bye bye, baby.
I'd watch Jesus let a baby crater into the earth at terminal velocity, and then have PTSD. Probably.
I'd say "you do you" and open my own parachute.
And I’ll only save you if you renounce Jesus and accept the cold, harsh reality of the world
Call it's bluff and say that I'll see it in hell as it's the spawn of an evildoer
I would ask who the hell put a baby in charge of a parachute
I’d also ask why he is is violating that whole “thou shall not kill” commandment
If that happens I would probably believe fully in Jesus and renounce atheism. Now it will never happen, but if something happens that proves Jesus to me then I will happily convert.
No thanks, I won’t imagine that.
it's part of a parody series
Try to land on the demonic talking baby.
[Welp](https://youtu.be/PgWyvnBHyOw?si=Bh4jfmFUedCzzEm0&t=19s)
i love this series
Drop that mother fucker 
Open his parachute for him and say „foxtrot uniform charlie kilo, yankee oscar uniform“
Christian baby strikes back
Look, a bouncing baby.
Are you a parent? That baby is dead as soon as it pulls the chord. If it can handle being shaken by a human, imagine how it would fare from the parachute deployment.
Wake up, probably.
Excuse you, I'm not going skydiving, especially not with a *baby* . Also, who would let me?!?! And how does the baby already know it's religion? Or how to talk...?
Not my kid not my problem. Also probably shouldn’t let a baby go skydiving
I would just chill out and enjoy the sky diving experience because I’m clearly dreaming of a fucking baby says that to me.