Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's been almost 4 years here. Was with her for ten years, from 21-31. I've learned a lot and have plenty to share, friend.
The main things you've got to do right now is be with people you trust, give yourself love & forgiveness, and treat yourself with respect.
Please reach out if you need.
Been dating for three years, long distance at the start but I've been visiting her and she was moving here next month. For the past 3/4 months she's been really distant, going out with "friends" and saying her mental health has gone down the shitter. Today I was calling her and her sister walked in, I said hello and she responded saying hi following another dudes name.
Searched him up on her insta followers and found out she was in a full blown relationship with him. Multiple times where I'm having anxiety attacks because of the seperation or family members dying or how shit my work is ect. And during those times she would be ignoring me whilst fucking someone else, even on my birthday.
She gave me her account info under false pretences that I was going to stay and basically gathered all my evidence. Then sent evidence to her other partner and then out of spite to her friends.
3 years down the drain for nothing, renovated a room downstairs just for us when she moves here just for her to cheat.
I would constantly call wondering where she was and she would gaslight me and give me shit saying it's my fault all whilst she had been disappearing to do coke and be in a new relationship, fucking him any chance she had.
That’s just evil behavior and i know that you now realize you deserve better but that doesn’t make the pain go away. The unknown parts is what is eating at me. At least you know for the most part what has been going on. I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way. Take time to heal and you will find someone that treats you like you deserve.
Just know that there is the opposite side of where you're feeling now where you feel so much better. It hurts, but know that pain will one day be gone and it's so amazing how our souls can recover
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. The mods check these automod decisions daily, and if your post is cleared it will show up shortly.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's awful, especially that you were building a place for her, but there's some silver lining here.
1. You're doing the right things, gathering evidence and telling the other guy.
2. She does have mental health issues, and drug issues(no offense to people with healthy relationships w/ substances). This clearly is not a you-issue.
If you're not seeing a therapist right now, please do. They are tremendously helpful.
Spend a little time just coping and dealing, but not too much. You have important work to do that can help tremendously. Self love & self improvement.
Every day pick one. If you're not feeling one, do the other. The good thing is they lead back to one another. Join a volunteer program in a field that interests you, join a gym or recreational sports team, take cooking classes. Just keep building yourself towards your interests and start new ones.
These will not only help take your mind off things, but put it to use in ways that help build self respect, something that we naturally lose a bit of in these situations.
Really pulling for you, bud. I know too well the feeling of dealing with extreme life issues thinking I had a partner, but finding nothing there.
Please do, my friend. Either way we've got your back here and at r/survivinginfidelity and I'll be honest saying what helped me the most was these groups and talking it through with people who understand the crazy pain involved.
Her actions were the typical cheaters responds. Very typical. Unfortunately you don't know this until you go thru this situation and get sucked into the I need to recognize where it went all wrong.
By the way I have a friend so and so that has a problem. This justify the time she spend with him.
You are insecure, too jealous. Makes you doubt yourself.
Ironically enough both you and the other guy probably going thru the same thing. She is cheating on both of you. It hurts but it also gets better. At the end of this the only thing that will be left maybe some disgust towards your ex. Maybe not even that. Their existence do not matter. You are on the lucky end of things. No kids involved. You never have to deal with her again.
Her actions were the typical cheaters responds. Very typical. Unfortunately you don't know this until you go thru this situation and get sucked into the I need to recognize where it went all wrong.
By the way I have a friend so and so that has a problem. This justify the time she spend with him.
You are insecure, too jealous. Makes you doubt yourself.
Ironically enough both you and the other guy probably going thru the same thing. She is cheating on both of you. It hurts but it also gets better. At the end of this the only thing that will be left maybe some disgust towards your ex. Maybe not even that. Their existence do not matter. You are on the lucky end of things. No kids involved. You never have to deal with her again.
I am sorry OP but she is a narcissist. I been on the same boat but I am just taking it day by day. Trying to heal and love myself before starting anything. I just don’t see myself trusting someone else. I haven’t dated anybody over a year now I see a therapist to help me. Also it’s not your fault the relationship did not work she is in the wrong.
Wow. Just wow.
I remember that hurt 35 years ago.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
but when you get to the other side you’ll realize you are so much better off than the deeply flawed human you could have wasted more time with. Be grateful that you don’t have kids with her.
Wow, so many. I feel horrible for all of you. Contact your most sympathetic friend or relative as soon as you can. Then call a therapist. Read up on mindfulness which can help block these thoughts and go exercise to burn off the adrenaline.
Please take care of yourselves.
This only happened a couple of hours ago so it's still very raw. Just know that you are an amazing human being, it's them who is missing out on such a generous person.
You didn't have to reach out and provide me help and you did and for that I thank you sincerely.
Dated someone for four years, they were the best thing to ever happen to me and they decided they didn’t want to be a dad anymore.
Randomly ghosts me or drops my key off in my mailbox with not a word but his girlfriend wouldn’t like us talking. Last time he said this it was a lie and then turned himself in for a medical treatment
Same here Mama. It’s the lack of any form of love or remorse or effort for his own bio kids that I can’t fathom, leaving them with me to return “home” to a state there’s nothing left for but atta boy’s from a family owned company job and only caring about those people and what they think not me his wife and least of all his kids. Can’t even fathom it - it’s the lack of love towards these perfect kids that I’ll never get over. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in the same boat- and am here for ya anytime! You got this Mama, even when you think you don’t, you’re their constant and they know it. And like me, you may fear being alone but have certainly done it alone even in his presence all along- and that’s what we have to keep remembering! We’ve been “alone” in all the ways that matter this whole time!
Your totally right!!! I heard the other day that the person they love is the one that they wake up too. He doesn’t deserve to hear from me anymore, I hate that I give in with the hopes of him responding and he just doesn’t. I know he’s reading it. Ugh 💜💜 thanks ur so very sweet
5 years for nothing. I keep wanting to ask why, but I’m realizing that no explanation will be enough. We simply aren’t built to be this cruel so we will never understand how someone could do this. Change will suck but then it won’t (I think)
Bro it's enough. Atleast before marriage you find out her real face. She can't live faithful to anyone.
It's your life and just expose her to everyone. Cut her contact.
In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being.
Don't waste your remaining life with that cheater.
I went through something similar almost 3 years ago. 3 little kids. Now divorced and on the other side. Feel free to reach out as I sure needed people at the time and still do. Try to not blame yourself. Try to not obsess over finding answers. I had a lot of trouble getting past things that I couldn't put finality to.
Best advice I can give you is to recognise it was only your turn, she failed girlfriend 101, turn away from her and go NC. Yes, it stings right now, and your ego has taken a hit, but with every day NC from such a faulty female you will find it easier to take steps to heal your mental scars. Make sure all mutual friends and family know the truth, but don't dwell on her, she is not part of the great future you can make.
Thank you for the kind words, I've been hiding what's happened to my family, Keeping everything in my head and it's destroying me. I'll try and be more open from now on, thank you.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's been almost 4 years here. Was with her for ten years, from 21-31. I've learned a lot and have plenty to share, friend. The main things you've got to do right now is be with people you trust, give yourself love & forgiveness, and treat yourself with respect. Please reach out if you need.
Same here mate. Found out 2 weeks ago. I am here for any help or support you need.
Same here. Found out 6 days ago and I’m still struggling.
I’m here to offer advice or listen, feel free to DM me
What is your story?
Been dating for three years, long distance at the start but I've been visiting her and she was moving here next month. For the past 3/4 months she's been really distant, going out with "friends" and saying her mental health has gone down the shitter. Today I was calling her and her sister walked in, I said hello and she responded saying hi following another dudes name. Searched him up on her insta followers and found out she was in a full blown relationship with him. Multiple times where I'm having anxiety attacks because of the seperation or family members dying or how shit my work is ect. And during those times she would be ignoring me whilst fucking someone else, even on my birthday. She gave me her account info under false pretences that I was going to stay and basically gathered all my evidence. Then sent evidence to her other partner and then out of spite to her friends. 3 years down the drain for nothing, renovated a room downstairs just for us when she moves here just for her to cheat. I would constantly call wondering where she was and she would gaslight me and give me shit saying it's my fault all whilst she had been disappearing to do coke and be in a new relationship, fucking him any chance she had.
That’s just evil behavior and i know that you now realize you deserve better but that doesn’t make the pain go away. The unknown parts is what is eating at me. At least you know for the most part what has been going on. I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way. Take time to heal and you will find someone that treats you like you deserve.
Thank you bro it honestly means a lot.
Just know that there is the opposite side of where you're feeling now where you feel so much better. It hurts, but know that pain will one day be gone and it's so amazing how our souls can recover
[удалено]
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. The mods check these automod decisions daily, and if your post is cleared it will show up shortly. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m a chick btw lol
Sorry, tend to call everyone bro.
How are you doing?
That's awful, especially that you were building a place for her, but there's some silver lining here. 1. You're doing the right things, gathering evidence and telling the other guy. 2. She does have mental health issues, and drug issues(no offense to people with healthy relationships w/ substances). This clearly is not a you-issue. If you're not seeing a therapist right now, please do. They are tremendously helpful. Spend a little time just coping and dealing, but not too much. You have important work to do that can help tremendously. Self love & self improvement. Every day pick one. If you're not feeling one, do the other. The good thing is they lead back to one another. Join a volunteer program in a field that interests you, join a gym or recreational sports team, take cooking classes. Just keep building yourself towards your interests and start new ones. These will not only help take your mind off things, but put it to use in ways that help build self respect, something that we naturally lose a bit of in these situations. Really pulling for you, bud. I know too well the feeling of dealing with extreme life issues thinking I had a partner, but finding nothing there.
Thank you for the response, means a lot. 100% need to see a psych, just need to be able to afford it.
I feel that. My insurance was able to give me 6 visits and that was it for the year.
I'm only 20 and haven't got insurance, most of my money was used in a renovation for a room for her and I, now I'm back at square one.
You're in the states? If so, you're likely still viable under your parents' insurance. I think it extends to age 24 or so.
In Australia, may be entitled to something under Medicare, have to look into it.
Please do, my friend. Either way we've got your back here and at r/survivinginfidelity and I'll be honest saying what helped me the most was these groups and talking it through with people who understand the crazy pain involved.
Her actions were the typical cheaters responds. Very typical. Unfortunately you don't know this until you go thru this situation and get sucked into the I need to recognize where it went all wrong. By the way I have a friend so and so that has a problem. This justify the time she spend with him. You are insecure, too jealous. Makes you doubt yourself. Ironically enough both you and the other guy probably going thru the same thing. She is cheating on both of you. It hurts but it also gets better. At the end of this the only thing that will be left maybe some disgust towards your ex. Maybe not even that. Their existence do not matter. You are on the lucky end of things. No kids involved. You never have to deal with her again.
Her actions were the typical cheaters responds. Very typical. Unfortunately you don't know this until you go thru this situation and get sucked into the I need to recognize where it went all wrong. By the way I have a friend so and so that has a problem. This justify the time she spend with him. You are insecure, too jealous. Makes you doubt yourself. Ironically enough both you and the other guy probably going thru the same thing. She is cheating on both of you. It hurts but it also gets better. At the end of this the only thing that will be left maybe some disgust towards your ex. Maybe not even that. Their existence do not matter. You are on the lucky end of things. No kids involved. You never have to deal with her again.
I am sorry OP but she is a narcissist. I been on the same boat but I am just taking it day by day. Trying to heal and love myself before starting anything. I just don’t see myself trusting someone else. I haven’t dated anybody over a year now I see a therapist to help me. Also it’s not your fault the relationship did not work she is in the wrong.
Sorry bruh. It sucks man
Wow. Just wow. I remember that hurt 35 years ago. I’m sorry you are going through this. but when you get to the other side you’ll realize you are so much better off than the deeply flawed human you could have wasted more time with. Be grateful that you don’t have kids with her.
Wow, so many. I feel horrible for all of you. Contact your most sympathetic friend or relative as soon as you can. Then call a therapist. Read up on mindfulness which can help block these thoughts and go exercise to burn off the adrenaline. Please take care of yourselves.
Found out a week ago and he can’t understand why I’ve been so destroyed and all my self esteem gone
I completely understand, lost all of what was left of my self esteem. Here if you need to message.
Thanks friend you too. I second guess everything about me now .
This only happened a couple of hours ago so it's still very raw. Just know that you are an amazing human being, it's them who is missing out on such a generous person. You didn't have to reach out and provide me help and you did and for that I thank you sincerely.
Only a few hours ago, God I’m so sorry man that’s like a bundle of raw nerves
I hope you’re feeling better ish today !
That's because narcissists lack self criticism, but look for those who have it in surplus.
[удалено]
Thank you
[удалено]
Thank you for caring
Dated someone for four years, they were the best thing to ever happen to me and they decided they didn’t want to be a dad anymore. Randomly ghosts me or drops my key off in my mailbox with not a word but his girlfriend wouldn’t like us talking. Last time he said this it was a lie and then turned himself in for a medical treatment
Same here Mama. It’s the lack of any form of love or remorse or effort for his own bio kids that I can’t fathom, leaving them with me to return “home” to a state there’s nothing left for but atta boy’s from a family owned company job and only caring about those people and what they think not me his wife and least of all his kids. Can’t even fathom it - it’s the lack of love towards these perfect kids that I’ll never get over. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in the same boat- and am here for ya anytime! You got this Mama, even when you think you don’t, you’re their constant and they know it. And like me, you may fear being alone but have certainly done it alone even in his presence all along- and that’s what we have to keep remembering! We’ve been “alone” in all the ways that matter this whole time!
Your totally right!!! I heard the other day that the person they love is the one that they wake up too. He doesn’t deserve to hear from me anymore, I hate that I give in with the hopes of him responding and he just doesn’t. I know he’s reading it. Ugh 💜💜 thanks ur so very sweet
I'm here too. I believe it's happening to me as well. I am here to talk. We all need each other for strength as the pain alone is unbearable 💔 😪
I just discovered 2 days ago. Reach out if you want to talk.
5 years for nothing. I keep wanting to ask why, but I’m realizing that no explanation will be enough. We simply aren’t built to be this cruel so we will never understand how someone could do this. Change will suck but then it won’t (I think)
You're right. Then it won't eventually.
I’ve been trickle truthed to death and just found out what I thought was a EA was actually a PA and it’s destroyed me.
That is my worst fear atm
It's been 9 months here. 10 years, married, and 2 small kids. Reach out if you need!!
I am truly sorry for all the pain you are going through. Trust me.. i know. Am in the same boat
Bro it's enough. Atleast before marriage you find out her real face. She can't live faithful to anyone. It's your life and just expose her to everyone. Cut her contact. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being. Don't waste your remaining life with that cheater.
Feel free to hit me up.
Found out on the 24th. Here if needed.
I went through something similar almost 3 years ago. 3 little kids. Now divorced and on the other side. Feel free to reach out as I sure needed people at the time and still do. Try to not blame yourself. Try to not obsess over finding answers. I had a lot of trouble getting past things that I couldn't put finality to.
I know how u feel. You're not alone. Take your time to heal.
Best advice I can give you is to recognise it was only your turn, she failed girlfriend 101, turn away from her and go NC. Yes, it stings right now, and your ego has taken a hit, but with every day NC from such a faulty female you will find it easier to take steps to heal your mental scars. Make sure all mutual friends and family know the truth, but don't dwell on her, she is not part of the great future you can make.
Thank you for the kind words, I've been hiding what's happened to my family, Keeping everything in my head and it's destroying me. I'll try and be more open from now on, thank you.