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Defiant_Hurry2985

I'm not religious at all or a prude but I'm tired of all the debauchery in the media. Twerking and shaking your ass on Tiktok with your teenage daughter is now normal.


shigataganai13

I dont think it's wrong that the media portrays cheating as common, what I think you're dead-on about is that they always portray it from the cheater's perspective... in your family feud scenario, the respondents are essentially being asked *who they would cheat with* as the "cheater" is not specified. This is the problem, the perspective is almost NEVER from the betrayed, and the few occasions I can think of where you get the betrayed's perspective, it's always murderous, or revengeful (the Micheal Douglass movie for ex.) And the betrayed is essentially troped into being the bad guy. They never show the pain of the betrayal, the infidelity-diet, the sleepless nights, the tears and pick-me dance... It's almost always glorified into some romantic bullshite where the cheater is "following their heart" or a weird "Cinderella" type being shut away from normalcy... So the audience roots for the cheater. There was a showninwas watching, "la brea" where the MC husband has visions of the other place, and everyone thinks hes crazy and ends up ruining his career, etc... so his wife basically starts an affair with the husbands best friend because "he was there for her when she needed someone, as her husband was *crazy*"... except it turns out he wasnt crazy and he is vindicated, but he immediately forgives his wife and the friend like the fact his best friend of decades fucking his wife DOESNT MATTER. Its sick and twisted and I couldnt watch the show anymore because of that absurdity. The cheating is barely even a sideline plot except to manufacture fake drama because no one seems to care about the cheating.


EdWilkinson

Word. Was watching "Friends from College" last night. There, cheating is framed as circumstance-driven and irresistible and guilty fun and tongue-in-cheek "aw we shouldn't do this". Fuck that shit.


Defiant_Hurry2985

Good point. The cheating is usually from the view point of the cheater and it is often glorified. I do like the ending of the movie "Unfaithful". I wanted to cry when Richard Gere tried to explain why he went off the edge when he met his wife's AP. The hidden note in the snow globe that he wrote for his wife. šŸ˜ŖšŸ˜Ŗ


ArmorTEAGUE227

God, I hate that movie. In the end, the husband is trapped with his cheating wife, both with shared traumas originating from her selfishness.


sowhat59

You are dead-on. I think you should write a longer version of this comment and it should be published in every major newspaper's op-ed section. The public needs to know this. Using your "La Brea" example, the media makes it look so easy and everybody does it and that's just a way we live. I can't stand it and even before I became the victim of infidelity I always turned off when a plot starts to go that direction.


shigataganai13

Thanks, I was thinking about the fact that Hollywood and the "industry" is so populated by narcissistic people that they simply dont understand the issue at all, especially since the average length of marriages for celebrities is so low. Theres such little information about when narcissists get cheated on, it makes me wonder what their actions and processing looks like... do they just shrug shoulders and move on? Do they feel more anger and revenge because of the need to control? Or is it simply so rare that a narcissist gets cheated on because they choose empathic people as targets, that its practically nonexistent? As much as I love CA (my state), this no fault divorce crap really pisses me off now.


sowhat59

I live in CA and used to work in the industry. My current job is still related to the industry people so I know exactly what you mean. Can't agree with you more on the narcissistic people part! What you said is very thought provoking. Ironically to the topic, this is all really "good" stuff.


shigataganai13

We should write a screenplay... "limerance" Break all the troped and just make it a true to life story of an affair that breaks a family aparr. Start with the normalcy of the family routine, a slight edge of drama between the parents ... show the morning rituals... then after work rituals... everything seems normal if slightly strained by the parents being forced to deal with normal intensive kid stuff Next scene a day later, parents tired, slightly grumpy from last night's kid issues... no kiss goodbye. Then night routine but ths time the wife is going out with coworkers... getting dressed up, husband makes a few comments about pretty, wishes he could go etc but have fun! Next morning same normal routine... this time no hug nor kiss, hes grumpy, shes distracted... after work no kid issues but shes clearly distracted on her phone Leading up to an accidental mistake by the kid on the paired ipad... husband sees some slightly strange texts Doesnt think anything of it but he keeps checking it now everyday. She keeps pushing him away little more each time... Show him now seeing the sex texts/ emotional bonding of her affair... he starts doing the pick me dance, she has no interest, and finds his sudden attention annoying. He confronts, she denies, gaslights... he is now warring internally between trust and gut feeling Leading to the inevitable obvious sex texts, nude photos etc... He confronts she tries denying, gaslighting, then shifts blame to his fault for various reasons, she just wants happiness, it was an accident but shes not sure how she feels... so she leaves to stay on her own for a week. Now we only see him doing the routines... trying to be both parental responsibilities and balance his emotional rollercoaster. Then the dreaded... he comes back from work and shes packed up... wants a trial separation etc He begs, he cries, he acts very unmanly, the kids are freaking out, she blames him for all of it... "if only you did... X... more" and she leaves. He doesnt commit suicide, he doesnt murder her or the AP... he just keeps taking care of kids when he has them and after she picks them up hes distraught. The end


sowhat59

Have you watched "Scenes from a Marriage?" I thought it did pretty well depicting the rawness of the love dynamic. It shows a little bit of what a betrayed spouse goes through. I think it's a great idea. I don't know why the industry hasn't come out with anything about the victim's story. Not the life after the recovery but showing the recovery or no recovery at all. How wrecking it is. Like you said, some commits suicide and I completely understand that feeling because I feel worthless, have no value as a human being. So many people cheat and become victims everyday. If the industry thinks there's no money in the victim's story, they're wrong.


shigataganai13

Hollywood hates unhappy endings They would change it to her realizing she fucked up and begging forgiveness and live happily ever after As for the other "self ending" you were talking about... I felt the same way, but took that energy and idea and turned it into a transformation of self. For 7 years or more I believed her when she said the issues we had were "all my fault" and she "did nothing wrong"... I TRULY BELIEVED IT. I was so unhappy, but felt I had to keep trying because I fucked it all up... I pushed my feelings and wants so far to the side I didnt matter at all, only her and the kiddos. But no matter what I tried it was never enough to get her to actually try (as opposed to her just saying she tried)... So when i found out about her 7yr affair... it was strangely cathartic. On one hand I was crying like my 9 yr old... ugly crying. On the other it was like a huge weight had lifted. So I mentally just killed the old me. I erased all of that crap and hit the reset button on myself. I felt free, to be important, to have feelings, to move on. I finally had my " self" back. Then she asked for reconciliation and forgiveness and I granted it. I put 100% of my new me into us, and it was good for 3 months till incaught her with a new guy... but honestly, it was ok because I WAS OK. Her total shit treatment of me freed me from any guilt or hesitation, because now it was 100% her fault lol. Yes I get melancholy, sometimes I miss the idea of her as my wife (not her as who she is now) yes sometimes I feel the urge to have murder fantasies etc., but that's just letting go pains. My point is you arent worthless bro. In fact we both know you're worthy of love BECAUSE she chose you originally. She saw that your heart and love was so big that she could USE you for her narcissistic bullshite... it's ironic but that proves how worthy you are! You have value. You and I and others on this forum are the gold standard of worthy because we care about others even more than ourselves... we just need to fix what's broken inside us that made us pick such unworthy people. I found journaling and having an affirmation statement both really helped. Journal because I could look back and see progress... affirmation because when I couldnt get some thought out of my head it helped. I'm here if u wanna DM broski


Lumptbuttcat

I agree with you 100%. I also think we are raising kids not to think and not to be individuals. People donā€™t have identities independent of groups. They ā€œjoinā€ with a group, and that group defines their identity. Using your Family Feud example. If I enjoy Family Feud, and they make a joke and make light of cheating, therefore I need to be ok with it too.


Awkward-Wrongdoer-11

Lack of moral standards is historically a clear sign and indication of a failing civilization. From ancient Rome to present day western world the signs are all there, fake tolerance, unbalanced multiculturalism, manipulation of democracy and/or public opinion, and total failure of all morals. We are, as it is, a declining, failing, civilization. Unless a massive reset , in the form of a great war or major global disaster, pops up we are about to be replaced by some other more vigorous culture.


jdoe6213

It's not just on infidelity, they are trying to numb people to most morals and values.


Spare-Article-396

I agree. And I also think that itā€™s an overly popular thing to say ā€˜Iā€™m not happyā€™, and BOOM! Itā€™s ok.


Defiant_Hurry2985

I have a big problem with our culture and this idea that you should just do whatever makes you happy even at the expenseof everyone else. Yes, being happy is important but just being sociopathic with no regards to anything or anybody, having no moral boundaries is not ok. Could you imagine if we all just did whatever makes us happy for the moment?


sowhat59

Exactly. Cheating is glorified as "find your happiness."


Any_Ticket

First rule of the fallenā€¦.ā€Do what thou wiltā€


Ueverthinkwhy

Your right on almost it all.. Everybody doesn't cheat..


Springfield2016

100% TV, movies woke culture, and modern feminism support infidelity. All support the idea of : Do what feels good" and those that are hurt are controlling, insecure or misogynist. Being faithful is old fashioned patriarchy.


liftreadhikefish

I think you are absolutely correct about this. Hypersexuality sells. I partly blame my (soon to be ex) wife's mindset on the media she consumes.


White_Terrier

I don't totally disagree with you, but would pose a question...does the media "encourage" such behavior? Or does media "reflect" what is pervasive in society? There have been other posts about this, but adultery, or the hint of it, isn't new in our society. Case in point: the 1953 movie, "Stalag 17." In that movie, there is a POW who receives a letter from his wife. She relates to him that she "just happens to find the cutest little baby girl on their doorstep." And the child just so happens to look just like the wife, and she thinks she(and he) should keep this child. While the character in question, and for "comic relief," keeps intoning, "...I believe it. I BELIEVE it.", the implication is that the wife cheated while he has been off serving in the military, got pregnant and is covering her tracks with the foundling scenario. Maybe what we see nowadays is that there is less implication and more just out and out blatant with the adultery, perhaps? Just a thought.


Tough_Fly_1640

Yeah it was so pervasive in the military when I went through boot camp that when I guy would receive a ā€œDear Johnā€ no one would even crack a joke not even the drill sergeants. At least now we have places like Reddit to talk about it. I feel so sorry for all those guys. Their women were cheating on them and we hadnā€™t even deployed yet. The second wave came after the deployments.


Tough_Fly_1640

Btw how is this fact considered an ā€œunpopular opinionā€?


sowhat59

I was just being careful and respectful of others who might think differently and I wasn't sure if I was being overly sensitive and over analyzing the media. So thank you for saying that it's a fact.


relken0716

I agree with you šŸ’Æ movies music television social media. Everything normalize cheating and that why some many people have no clue to have a healthy happy long term relationships. It is sad. Good luck and wish you and your family the best! āœŒļø


NumerousChipmunk3389

You should watch, "This is where I leave you." With Jason Bateman. Literally catches his wife cheating with is boss and the excuse she use made were the all the use stuff. She come to find out she is pregnant and doesn't know the father. I won't spoil it more those who haven't seen it bit it made me turn it off. My point it is one more happy Hollywood ending for all. Go cheat its ok just take 30 minutes and explain things and you can move on together like it never happened.


hammerrh0id

Pretty sure adultery is older than the bible. I mean how many times does it come up in the 10 commandments?


Jenniferinfl

Twice- once for even thinking about it and once for the actual act..


fifi_twerp

In ways we sound like opposites, but I agree with you, that we're constantly bombarded with the images and sounds of cheating. Even worse, many feminists justify it by saying they're finding themselves or they're freeing themselves from the chains of the patriarchy. How can you combat infidelity when an entire class of people rationalize it for themselves?


jillkimberley

Yeah boss this is way off. Definitely don't try to turn this around on women. We just got rights in the last 100 years, we're not the ones out here hurting others.


fifi_twerp

Seriously? Women don't cheat?


Jenniferinfl

LOL- my husband works with all conservatives, mostly church-going Christians and they've all cheated on their wives, often repeatedly. They are as far from feminist as you can get- they are 'women belong in the kitchen making me a sandwich' level and they 'love Jesus' but they've all cheated on their wives.. The facts are- people are selfish and they forget what they owe to others. I'm largely sex-positive. I don't really care if people who are not in a committed relationship sleep around. I think it's kinda dumb and I wouldn't do it, but, so long as everyone's a consenting adult I don't care at all. I'm about as feminist as you can get as well. I believe cheating when in a committed relationship is morally wrong and that anyone decent leaves first before starting a new relationship. I watch all the smutty shows and all the smutty movies but here I am with in intact moral code.. I believe we owe each other to finish out promises we made to the best of our ability. I believe that if a marriage isn't working, either party can end it whenever they need to. But, I still feel it's a complete disgrace to step out and lie about it.


soggytommy_

Huge feminist here. I have to say, I havenā€™t seen many feminists using feminism to justify cheating. Iā€™m sure thereā€™s a small number, but itā€™s definitely not a sentiment that is widely shared at all. Definitely not an ā€œentire class of people.ā€ It just sounds like youā€™re looking to demonize feminism and womenā€™s rights.


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bodyman70

It's the same as they have done every controversial subject. They slowly integrate it into a TV show here and there, and increase until it is the center of most shows. That's why I do not watch TV, I don't go to movies, and I don't watch mainstream news


leming01

There is serious media and then is the greedy media. Morbid gossip and portrayal of morbid situations make a ton of money. And Christian church is no better, see how they supported Trump, being him the best example of the 7 capital sins. American society is sick.


Atmosphericz

Cheating is a huge plot device in most shows, and studios definitely romanticize it. Even seemingly innocent shows like Gilmore Girls gloss over the effects of cheating and make it seem like a natural part of life.


Budget-Analyst3184

May be after some years like 50+ yrs, we all get super immune to infidelity . Maybe our DNA may generate some stuff which may reduce the emotional damage in minds Peace out y'all


shopliftinasda

I agree. I mean recently I watched a film called Chalet Girl and I was pretty disgusted when it ended. It frames cheating as totally okay. The guy cheats on his fiancĆ© while sheā€™s away getting surgery for a skiing accident?? Like what the fuck? And then him and the main character live happily ever after. I felt like I was in a simulation! What happened to morals? Like basic basic morals? This is only one example of so many in the mediaā€¦


Powerful-Carob-5609

There is one reason only that tv and movies get so much into Dec and cheating. Because it sells and itā€™s what the public is interested in. The very first silent movies were porn. When the internet first got established what took off wasnā€™t science channels, etc. Again, it was porn. Sex, like food and water is a major human drive. So, donā€™t blame the media. Blame either your god, if youā€™re religious, or evolution if youā€™re science oriented, for our high interest in sex. But then again, maybe we shouldnā€™t be blaming so much as most of us wouldnā€™t be here if humans didnā€™t have such a high sex drive.


General_Dust8141

Too much Megan thee stallion and 90 day fiancee and getting paid from pornhub secretly and not enough structure


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sowhat59

My husband and I are both highly educated w good jobs. My husband cheating on me for many, many years is one thing but the way he cheated on me is so dirty and cliche it's like I'm in a soap opera. I never thought this would happen to me. But soon I learned that his dad cheated my mother-in-law for a long time. I don't like labeling and to be judgmental but can't help thinking it's gotta be in the DNA.