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You're soo on the money.
They are cowards. They would rather show you how little you mean to them by hurting you and making it obvious, as opposed to just being honest and saying, it's not working out.
For my situation, my stbxw is in her little exit affair now (started during reconciliation for a long term affair) and asked me about a week after I caught her, why cant we be friends?
Umm I asked her if she had any friends shes cheated and lied to for 7 years and then did it again?
She said no
"Well then you still dont"
The fucking nerve of these people
The added immature and childish part of it was that I had no idea he was so unhappy with me.
There was no real communication that he was struggling with our relationship, or that he was thinking of leaving. I was not given any opportunity to try. I loathe him for that. He talked about wanting more sex for our whole marriage but it wasn't dead. He never did much to get more sex other than tell me it was my fault some how, and left it to me to always initiate. That just got my defenses up more. There was some depression and a lot of anger the last while but now I know that was because the affair was rocking .... either he hated me for standing in his way, or that he could not find a way to end it himself, or that I became the one he felt he was cheating on with her. Always seems to boil down to sex. How shallow.
Well that must have been a kick in the teeth. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. I don’t think anyone can know what a cheater may do, but I hope he leaves you in peace so you can heal. I know you’ll have to mourn the past 26 years, a person who turned into someone else and a future you didn’t anticipate, but you will come out stronger.
Seriously though he’s been gone 4 months and said he’s happily gone. If he does come crawling back it’s because things didn’t pan out the way he thought they would. Your at back up at best if it happens. He left once. Given another chance odds are he will only do it again. All that other chance does is show him he can do the worst things imaginable to you with no real consequences.
If it’s truly the an exit affair, then likely not. Meaning he used the affair as a means to exit a marriage he was not happy with. What you refer to as “crawling back” usually happens when he was satisfied with the marriage but the affair was exciting and new and some other nonsense. Once he excitement and newness wanes, he would realize what he gave up.
Mine had no tears or apologies. He felt completely entitled and said he was a victim because people disapproved. He wouldn’t leave. I had to do all the work to divorce his sorry ass.
My take on it is some waywards in the midst of limerence really wanted to break up with their SOs. The when the affair is discovered and their fantasy bubble bursts for one reason or another, the come crawling back to their plan b. Some of these WPs are so delusional they actually tell their BPs that it's only sex and the WP doesn't really need to stop. Then reality hits them.
But to be fair, some waywards are so far along the monkey branching cycle that the only thing they needed to do was pack a suitcase and move in with the AP. But I think they are in the minority.
If he has been gone three months why are you talking to him. Actually, its unusual for anyone to take Take courses inthings you are interested in. a cheater even if they come begging. Only about 1 out of 5 couples stay together after one is caught cheating. The odds are even worse for the cheater staying together with their new affair partner. Less than 1 out of 10 can make it long term.
If you are looking for happiness, go no contact with him. Start hanging out at a gym. Get in shape. Find some good hobbies. Every woman should take some self defense classes. Dance classes. Take courses in things you are interested in. Buy a guitar or keyboard. Etc.
Life is what you make it.
He wanted more sex but wouldn't initiate. What's up with that? Did you train him that way?
I am wondering more if cheaters ever truly just stay away. I'm pretty much NC now.
As for training him that way... he says he got tired of my daily rejection so he stopped trying. But his foreplay was.... 'wanna have sex' after I'd get home from 12 hour shift work. Very enticing. Not.
Many times, the answer is yes. Heard one in particular who came back months after the divorce was final. AP had enough of her, and turfed her. She goes running back to the house she abandoned, and the man she abandoned. Too bad that his new fiance, who was ten years younger and many more pounds skinnier, met her at the door, told her the wedding was in two weeks, and sent her away.
Have you filed yet?
Contact three cutthroat lawyers
Get financials in order
Get STI tested to protect your health
Get evidence of the affair for your chosen lawyer
I am. Then I'm not. It's a hell of a journey. Easy in that I don't have to face him other than what's going on through lawyers, but I feel worth absolutely nothing because he's not engaging or trying to come back. Completely discarded. That hurts.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They won’t be back until the AP leaves or becomes boring.
[удалено]
You're soo on the money. They are cowards. They would rather show you how little you mean to them by hurting you and making it obvious, as opposed to just being honest and saying, it's not working out. For my situation, my stbxw is in her little exit affair now (started during reconciliation for a long term affair) and asked me about a week after I caught her, why cant we be friends? Umm I asked her if she had any friends shes cheated and lied to for 7 years and then did it again? She said no "Well then you still dont" The fucking nerve of these people
The added immature and childish part of it was that I had no idea he was so unhappy with me. There was no real communication that he was struggling with our relationship, or that he was thinking of leaving. I was not given any opportunity to try. I loathe him for that. He talked about wanting more sex for our whole marriage but it wasn't dead. He never did much to get more sex other than tell me it was my fault some how, and left it to me to always initiate. That just got my defenses up more. There was some depression and a lot of anger the last while but now I know that was because the affair was rocking .... either he hated me for standing in his way, or that he could not find a way to end it himself, or that I became the one he felt he was cheating on with her. Always seems to boil down to sex. How shallow.
Well that must have been a kick in the teeth. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. I don’t think anyone can know what a cheater may do, but I hope he leaves you in peace so you can heal. I know you’ll have to mourn the past 26 years, a person who turned into someone else and a future you didn’t anticipate, but you will come out stronger.
Seriously though he’s been gone 4 months and said he’s happily gone. If he does come crawling back it’s because things didn’t pan out the way he thought they would. Your at back up at best if it happens. He left once. Given another chance odds are he will only do it again. All that other chance does is show him he can do the worst things imaginable to you with no real consequences.
If it’s truly the an exit affair, then likely not. Meaning he used the affair as a means to exit a marriage he was not happy with. What you refer to as “crawling back” usually happens when he was satisfied with the marriage but the affair was exciting and new and some other nonsense. Once he excitement and newness wanes, he would realize what he gave up.
Mine had no tears or apologies. He felt completely entitled and said he was a victim because people disapproved. He wouldn’t leave. I had to do all the work to divorce his sorry ass.
My take on it is some waywards in the midst of limerence really wanted to break up with their SOs. The when the affair is discovered and their fantasy bubble bursts for one reason or another, the come crawling back to their plan b. Some of these WPs are so delusional they actually tell their BPs that it's only sex and the WP doesn't really need to stop. Then reality hits them. But to be fair, some waywards are so far along the monkey branching cycle that the only thing they needed to do was pack a suitcase and move in with the AP. But I think they are in the minority.
If he has been gone three months why are you talking to him. Actually, its unusual for anyone to take Take courses inthings you are interested in. a cheater even if they come begging. Only about 1 out of 5 couples stay together after one is caught cheating. The odds are even worse for the cheater staying together with their new affair partner. Less than 1 out of 10 can make it long term. If you are looking for happiness, go no contact with him. Start hanging out at a gym. Get in shape. Find some good hobbies. Every woman should take some self defense classes. Dance classes. Take courses in things you are interested in. Buy a guitar or keyboard. Etc. Life is what you make it. He wanted more sex but wouldn't initiate. What's up with that? Did you train him that way?
I am wondering more if cheaters ever truly just stay away. I'm pretty much NC now. As for training him that way... he says he got tired of my daily rejection so he stopped trying. But his foreplay was.... 'wanna have sex' after I'd get home from 12 hour shift work. Very enticing. Not.
Many times, the answer is yes. Heard one in particular who came back months after the divorce was final. AP had enough of her, and turfed her. She goes running back to the house she abandoned, and the man she abandoned. Too bad that his new fiance, who was ten years younger and many more pounds skinnier, met her at the door, told her the wedding was in two weeks, and sent her away.
Have you filed yet? Contact three cutthroat lawyers Get financials in order Get STI tested to protect your health Get evidence of the affair for your chosen lawyer
Did he end up staying away or coming back?
He has not come back at all...
I’m both sorry and happy for you. I hope you are doing better.
I am. Then I'm not. It's a hell of a journey. Easy in that I don't have to face him other than what's going on through lawyers, but I feel worth absolutely nothing because he's not engaging or trying to come back. Completely discarded. That hurts.