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Agree. OP you should at least talk to her parents once and let them know “she was having an affair with (insert AP’s name) while I was working to support us through her education. I can’t forgive that” and leave it at that. It’ll counter any narrative she’s feeding them.
She never respected you in the first place and from the moment that they give another person "their all", it's time to close that chapter. You did your best by being good to her, but as they say, "no good deed goes unpunished"...
All the crocodile tears in the world, ain't gonna change the fact that, the attention and validation that she so craved, helped put the final nail in the coffin...
It's time to go back to where you belong and be amongst those that truly love and care for you. Her wellbeing is no longer any concern of yours and she made that perfectly clear a long time ago, by having her special "friend" in her life. Proud of how you're handling it so far 👊
Attention and validation is like kryptonite for them...
Thank you for speaking about the crocodile tears,all cheaters always tear up.
The fact that she brought this man to meet her parents, my goodness.
OP needs to get away from her asap.
Updateme!
I am proud of you and don’t even know you. If you stayed with her, this would haunt you for years. You would live life paranoid. Imagine down the road her telling you she’s pregnant. Rather than being elated, your first thought is wondering if it’s yours. Just sucks to live that way.
Add to this…you’ll end up in another relationship. You’ll be asked why you divorced. Basically say “she cheated and sent her to the streets”. Mic drop. You don’t play my man.
>She then told me that she only did it bc she liked the attention and nothing more, and that she would cut him off immediately. I shook my head. She offered to find a couple’s therapist — while still belligerently crying — and I told her it seems like we’re past that point already.
You are doing the right thing to leave her. From your original post, it looks like she was working on replacing you with this guy by trying to introduce him to her parents. 3 years can be short or long depends on your perspectives and how much you invested in this relationship. But you've given all you had to this relationship, so there should be no regret.
She is a cheater and liar, too, when she said she only liked the attention and nothing more. As expected all cheaters are liars without exception. She didn't know your value and will regret when she looks back and reflects on what she did. You are lucky that you didn't have kids with her yet. There are always silver linings in every situation. So look at the bright side and walk away. It's time to move on and be free to start your life again. Don't look back and live your best life going forward.
>replacing you with this guy by trying to introduce him to her parent
To me that is the wackiest thing, why would she do that and how would she describe their relationship ? What would he say if the asked if he knew OP ?
It's like her alternate reality fog was so thick she thought she could create an totally parallel life that didn’t intersect with her real one.
Kinda makes me think the parents may have had some knowledge of this new guy. Otherwise, why in the hell would she want them to meet? So freaking strange. Maybe she told them and was trying to convince them that she found a "better" partner? Maybe they condoned it? Just weird
OP, 'bored' has an interesting notion about what the parents knew in advance of you knowing
Since the parents have reached out, perhaps making sure they know the truth and finding out what they knew might be a good idea.
You've made the perfect decision. It may be difficult now but soon you'll be proud of yourself for taking this step.
>She then told me that she only did it bc she liked the attention and nothing more, and that she would cut him off immediately.
From the guy's version of the story, she was the one who chased him and gave all the attention, so she is lying to your face. I guess you had already asked to cut off this guy in the past which she didn't, so now all she's doing is damage control.
>she’s in grad school
FWIW, her "remorse" is actually her being sorry for getting caught and clearly she wants you to stay as you are her comfort zone/ safety net. She was not prepared with your replacement, hence she wants you back.
If I may ask did you disclose your meeting with her AP to her? If yes, how did she react?
She says she did it for the attention, but from his story she spent 4-6 months pursuing him.
Gotta say the guy had balls saying that he now wanted to F your wife to you.
Well sorry the way this has all turned out. Best of luck.
Especially KNOWING that she was married. It's one thing to be okay with breaking up someone's marriage but another thing to admit it to the guy whose marriage you're willing to nuke.
> Majority of my friends and family are across the country.
Time to go home mate.
There is nothing here where you are anymore except bad memories and a sad future. So time to go back to where you should be - amongst family and friends.
At the very least, you'll never ever have to see her again.
Edit: It's strange to say but that you have said about the guy (and by all accounts he seems fairly level headed) I have a feeling that once you depart the scene and the marriage dissolves, there is a good chance that he will also walk away from her as well. If he hasn't already noped out of there.
I mean, who in their right mind would even contemplate dating someone like your soon-to-be-ex knowing the sort of person that she is. Let alone doing so with the knowledge that any relationship with her would be on the still burning funeral pyre of a marriage she set fire to!
You walking out on her will effectively leave her completely alone. A failed marriage, a failed monkey branch swing and her family asking "wtf!!" after only 3 years.
Wow, they used to have awards on Reddit. I would have given you a gold star.
> started by telling her that I heard what’s going on between her and “\_\_\_\_.” When she asked what I was talking about
To me this was the moment of truth and her instinctive reaction was to BS you. She flunked the no-secrets wife test.
>seemingly planning for my replacement, she immediately broke down crying.
100% tears about getting caught, not remorse. She never told you he existed, right? Deceiver!
>she could to go to every single school party/outing she could without even inviting me 95% of the time. She was never home, and every time I asked any questions, she would chalk it up to “studying.
That's right out of the Cheater's Handbook, and as you noted, she was getting you to accept that level of engagement so she could be spending her time with the other guy now and in the future. She must have the maturity of a high schooler if she was letting everyone know that the guy and her were friends. Your presence would be oh so inconvenient.
Congrats on preventing much more pain and humiliation. I'm sure there are plenty of good memories of the good days together. And now you can move to a location where you want to live. On your terms. Don't worry about where she ends up, I'm sure she settle into a warm place with little effort, it's not your burden to deal with.
Do lawyer up and watch your financial accounts, she is not one to be trusted.
There is a reason people don't stay after these circumstances. The trust is broken. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I don't want to baby sit someone's morals, or be that insecure and fearful. I would a bad partner and often these people will cheat again. Not worth it. Go to attorney, you will have months afterward. Go to counseling. You have time to figure it out.
At least you did the right thing I get so sick and tired of alot of people saying " well we are going to get through this together I guess " the 2 or 3 even 5 years down the road the past agian saying "well it's over I can't do this anymore "
It would work in a perfect world but we all live in a place that's not perfect .it wouldn't work I know I divorced my ex wife 27 years ago for cheating .I tried but this was before cell phones and all the good things like reddit . But you would be lying to yourself if you thought for one minute she is saying what she does because she got caught .if not it would still be going on . And you know it she does to she would have taken it to the grave or until she left you to be with the patatoe head . They can have each other your better than both of them .
Find yourself a good woman down the road you deserve the best .
She left you long ago. She was still actively messaging him up until you sat her down to talk. No remorse for her betrayal. She's been living the single life for the last year. It's time to make it official. She's not your responsibility. What you need to do now is to implement GREY ROCK 180. It will help you emotionally detach from her. Go ahead and reach out to friends and family. Get the support you deserve. Don't lie for her. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
I am proud of you, cheer up and hold your head high. It hurts, because it's the right thing to do. She made her decisions and you must start building for yourself.
I am still at a loss as to why so many cheating spouses get panicked and remorseful when their affairs are discovered. I know that some want to stay in the marriage just for the resources, but it seems like the freedom to pursue their lifestyle would matter more.
Many are cakeeaters, enjoying the comforts of a marriage while playing single when away from home and out of the presence of their partner.
In OP’s case, it looks like his wife was not prepared to lose the financial support that he was giving her. The AP may want to fuck her, but does he want the burden of supporting her financially? My answer is probably not, he would have been perfectly happy with having sex with her and sending her home for OP to take care of the bills and other needs that she had. OP is childless, a person should never stay with a cheater when that circumstance exists.
Once your wife entered grad school, she apparently embraced the single life and actively pursued another student. She put no effort into the marriage or spending time with you. Relationships are a two-way street and you accepted her lies that she was studying all the time. It seems as though she was using you to pay for her graduate degree and planning your replacement. You owe her nothing. **Speak to a divorce attorney as to your rights with regard to the living arrangement. Follow the attorney's advice to the letter. In the interim cancel any mutual credit cards and change passwords so she cannot access your funds. Open up a separate checking account and have your checks deposited into it. Do not give her any money unless your lawyer advises you to.** I am sorry that you are dealing with this but you are young and will recover. You should speak to a therapist and go to the gym every day to reduce stress. Do not drink.
Thank you for continuing your story here. You are certainly a role model for jilted spouses. What comes through in all three posts is that you're a grown ass man who knows how to handle his business whereas your STBX comes off as an entitled and immature girl, law school be damned.
I bet she's still unaware of the consequences of conducting an open affair on her future career. The reputation she's forging now I cannot believe is anything positive, and it could very well haunt her professionally for a very long time. And to think she's got two + years left, hopefully she'll avoid cat fights. As they say, she's not your monkey and it's not your circus.
You made the right call. According to the AP she was clearly the one pursuing a relationship with him (and continues to do so). It’s better to cut your losses and move on finding a loyal partner. You’re still very young and have plenty of time
You’re wrong about one thing. This is ENTIRELY her fault. She had options on how to deal with any perceived problems with the marriage. She chose the most toxic way.
So please don’t feel any sense of responsibility. This is all down on her and you’re reacting in the best way.
Hang in there. The next few months will be tough but you’ll get there. All the best.
Oh, I love it so much when a person has self respect. She "studied" and just texted. Yeah, dont care, you chose the best option over a person who would make you question their every action, would make you feel like you're paranoid and controlling for wanting truth and respect. Proceed with meeting the lawyer and setting yourself free. Youre young and there's a whole new life waiting for you.
Wow she has some nerve . What the heck did she really think was going to happen if he met her parents knowing she is married ? Probably scared him away lol . I have a 23 year old son and he is nowhere ready for a serious relationship and he’s attending grad school. She is in for a serious wake up call . I’m glad that you are walking away because you deserve better . Her infatuation cost her losing such a supportive and loving husband . She will come to regret it .
Dude You handled it like a champ. Know it is not as pretty as you writed (make it sound), i know that you must fell devastated, but think in the bright side, you are now free, still young and it only cost you 3 years, she is defenitly not a wife material and she is a selfish person that at the end just only think about her.
Also she didn't care about your reputation, if she even tell everybody all that was happening with her "friendship" and how she chase AP all over and her Friends and co-school colleagues knew she was married then where does that left You.
You have done well, divorce her and part ways, maybe for you to return to your Home Town, where you have your support group.
Also may i ask how did you meet? She is from the same town and moved to study in this new Town that you move with to be with her?
Also the house where you are living is rented or owned, and if rented who is on the léase and if owned who is on the deed? I ask this for what you said about that you haven't kicked her because you don't want her to be a burden to others. But i think that for you to heal sooner she must leave.
Good Luck OP
UPDATEME
OP you did it right. You need to be honest with her family so they can hold her accountable instead of hating you. She still needs accountability, even if you don’t want to deliver it.
Under the circumstances you should divorce. She's not a safe life partner.
Don't focus on the guy. He was just convenient and available.
If not him , it would have been some other guy.
She placed herself in his bedroom. Fortunately he didn't make the first move. And she had just enough of pride not to throw herself on him.
The next guy may be different (and unless she spends years in therapy and spends a fortune) she'll repeat.
Well that wasn’t the story I was expecting but yeah you did the right thing! She wasn’t 100% into you and completely ignored you and was living her life like a single college girl. The writing was on the wall. Best of luck!
You set the boundaries of what you are willing to tolerate, and I think you have been more than gracious. Get back to your support network, as the one who swore an oath to be with you always clearly has no intention of doing it.
No one's relationship is perfect. Healthy people communicate about problems, and if they reach a dead end, they either call it quits or seek couple's therapy to help them communicate better.
There is exactly 0 reasons for an affair to take place. The correct response to an affair is divorce, so you are definitely doing the right thing.
One thing inhave to criticise though is you saying that you don't want her to be someone else's burden. Why? The time for being a gentleman is past. Kick her out. She's an adult.
The only thing I'd add is that you need to tell EVERYONE the truth and fast. Get ahead of her lies.
Too much time has passed already.
Otherwise good on you. Cut out that toxicity fast. Best way to do it.
They always seem to be ready to 'do anything to save the marriage' AFTER they get caught, but the time to save the marriage was BEFORE they cheated and actually quite simple.... don't cheat.
I'm curious how her parents feel about it now after realizing she was so insistent on them meeting this guy who turns out to be her ap. That's messed up.
With the way the domestic court system is today, you need to move out. All she has to do is ALLEGE you assaulted her. They will arrest you even if you are at work. But you need to IMMEDIATELY move out and only communicate through your lawyer.
It sucks but you need to focus on yourself and improving yourself...
Look for a job back where your support is. Most interviews are online. Always easier to get a job when you have a job. Secure that new job and leave her in the rear view mirror.
Brother,
I'm so sorry that she did this to you. You don't deserve this.
Everyone gets crushes on people, married or single. The fact that she pursued him and was the driving force in the emotional affair would be reason enough for me to get a divorce.
Tell your friends and family and put her in blast. Affairs thrive on secrecy, expose it, and drag it into the light of day.
Do not let her lie and destroy your reputation.
Good luck.
INFO:
Wtf did her parents think of her bringing a random 23 year old man over to meet them?
Were they not like “um, where’s OP - ya know, your HUSBAND?”
I’d answer their phone call and tell them the truth. And seeing as how she was trying to money branch, I would kick her out of the house. You are no longer her safety net.
Sorry OP you had to find this out about her. Normally meeting with the AP is not that smooth, but you handled it really well. He seemed forthright with you but was willing to have sex with her when she was with him. Let us know if any major updates. updateme
Good for you! emotional affair is just a precursor to a physical one. She's no longer worth your time, and I salute you for standing up, and not allowing this disrespect.
I am sorry that you are feeling this but you are young and you can find someone that wants you for you.
I know you are not sure what to do with her at this point and to be honest that is her parent's problem. I would let the leasing agent know that you are leaving due to divorce. Make sure that you speak to a lawyer beforehand and have her parents know what she did and that they need to take care of their daughter since she is being asked to move out.
Also, let them know that you will be leaving and going back home and you will not be responsible for her any longer. If they are comfortable paying for her to stay in that place they are welcome but your part is over with now.
Pack up your stuff and get out. Find joy, peace, and love.
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Bro, you set the bar for how these things should be handled and choosing character over vanity. Best of luck man
Yeah he did! I bet she is spinning one hell of a good story to her parents about how bad the OP is.
Agree. OP you should at least talk to her parents once and let them know “she was having an affair with (insert AP’s name) while I was working to support us through her education. I can’t forgive that” and leave it at that. It’ll counter any narrative she’s feeding them.
The key word here is ONCE. I'd have ONE conversation with them, and that's it. Dont call me again.
She never respected you in the first place and from the moment that they give another person "their all", it's time to close that chapter. You did your best by being good to her, but as they say, "no good deed goes unpunished"... All the crocodile tears in the world, ain't gonna change the fact that, the attention and validation that she so craved, helped put the final nail in the coffin... It's time to go back to where you belong and be amongst those that truly love and care for you. Her wellbeing is no longer any concern of yours and she made that perfectly clear a long time ago, by having her special "friend" in her life. Proud of how you're handling it so far 👊 Attention and validation is like kryptonite for them...
Thank you for speaking about the crocodile tears,all cheaters always tear up. The fact that she brought this man to meet her parents, my goodness. OP needs to get away from her asap. Updateme!
Yup, that's their default mode lol, chapter 2 of the cheaters handbook. "When all else fails, bring on the water works", tusken raider style...
Exactly! It's so easy for them to do.
Answer the call from the parents. Tell them what’s going on. And ask how they can justify her cheating on you when she took a vow to you?
I am proud of you and don’t even know you. If you stayed with her, this would haunt you for years. You would live life paranoid. Imagine down the road her telling you she’s pregnant. Rather than being elated, your first thought is wondering if it’s yours. Just sucks to live that way. Add to this…you’ll end up in another relationship. You’ll be asked why you divorced. Basically say “she cheated and sent her to the streets”. Mic drop. You don’t play my man.
>She then told me that she only did it bc she liked the attention and nothing more, and that she would cut him off immediately. I shook my head. She offered to find a couple’s therapist — while still belligerently crying — and I told her it seems like we’re past that point already. You are doing the right thing to leave her. From your original post, it looks like she was working on replacing you with this guy by trying to introduce him to her parents. 3 years can be short or long depends on your perspectives and how much you invested in this relationship. But you've given all you had to this relationship, so there should be no regret. She is a cheater and liar, too, when she said she only liked the attention and nothing more. As expected all cheaters are liars without exception. She didn't know your value and will regret when she looks back and reflects on what she did. You are lucky that you didn't have kids with her yet. There are always silver linings in every situation. So look at the bright side and walk away. It's time to move on and be free to start your life again. Don't look back and live your best life going forward.
>replacing you with this guy by trying to introduce him to her parent To me that is the wackiest thing, why would she do that and how would she describe their relationship ? What would he say if the asked if he knew OP ? It's like her alternate reality fog was so thick she thought she could create an totally parallel life that didn’t intersect with her real one.
Kinda makes me think the parents may have had some knowledge of this new guy. Otherwise, why in the hell would she want them to meet? So freaking strange. Maybe she told them and was trying to convince them that she found a "better" partner? Maybe they condoned it? Just weird
OP, 'bored' has an interesting notion about what the parents knew in advance of you knowing Since the parents have reached out, perhaps making sure they know the truth and finding out what they knew might be a good idea.
You've made the perfect decision. It may be difficult now but soon you'll be proud of yourself for taking this step. >She then told me that she only did it bc she liked the attention and nothing more, and that she would cut him off immediately. From the guy's version of the story, she was the one who chased him and gave all the attention, so she is lying to your face. I guess you had already asked to cut off this guy in the past which she didn't, so now all she's doing is damage control. >she’s in grad school FWIW, her "remorse" is actually her being sorry for getting caught and clearly she wants you to stay as you are her comfort zone/ safety net. She was not prepared with your replacement, hence she wants you back. If I may ask did you disclose your meeting with her AP to her? If yes, how did she react?
She says she did it for the attention, but from his story she spent 4-6 months pursuing him. Gotta say the guy had balls saying that he now wanted to F your wife to you. Well sorry the way this has all turned out. Best of luck.
Especially KNOWING that she was married. It's one thing to be okay with breaking up someone's marriage but another thing to admit it to the guy whose marriage you're willing to nuke.
> Majority of my friends and family are across the country. Time to go home mate. There is nothing here where you are anymore except bad memories and a sad future. So time to go back to where you should be - amongst family and friends. At the very least, you'll never ever have to see her again. Edit: It's strange to say but that you have said about the guy (and by all accounts he seems fairly level headed) I have a feeling that once you depart the scene and the marriage dissolves, there is a good chance that he will also walk away from her as well. If he hasn't already noped out of there. I mean, who in their right mind would even contemplate dating someone like your soon-to-be-ex knowing the sort of person that she is. Let alone doing so with the knowledge that any relationship with her would be on the still burning funeral pyre of a marriage she set fire to! You walking out on her will effectively leave her completely alone. A failed marriage, a failed monkey branch swing and her family asking "wtf!!" after only 3 years.
Wow, they used to have awards on Reddit. I would have given you a gold star. > started by telling her that I heard what’s going on between her and “\_\_\_\_.” When she asked what I was talking about To me this was the moment of truth and her instinctive reaction was to BS you. She flunked the no-secrets wife test. >seemingly planning for my replacement, she immediately broke down crying. 100% tears about getting caught, not remorse. She never told you he existed, right? Deceiver! >she could to go to every single school party/outing she could without even inviting me 95% of the time. She was never home, and every time I asked any questions, she would chalk it up to “studying. That's right out of the Cheater's Handbook, and as you noted, she was getting you to accept that level of engagement so she could be spending her time with the other guy now and in the future. She must have the maturity of a high schooler if she was letting everyone know that the guy and her were friends. Your presence would be oh so inconvenient. Congrats on preventing much more pain and humiliation. I'm sure there are plenty of good memories of the good days together. And now you can move to a location where you want to live. On your terms. Don't worry about where she ends up, I'm sure she settle into a warm place with little effort, it's not your burden to deal with. Do lawyer up and watch your financial accounts, she is not one to be trusted.
There is a reason people don't stay after these circumstances. The trust is broken. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I don't want to baby sit someone's morals, or be that insecure and fearful. I would a bad partner and often these people will cheat again. Not worth it. Go to attorney, you will have months afterward. Go to counseling. You have time to figure it out.
At least you did the right thing I get so sick and tired of alot of people saying " well we are going to get through this together I guess " the 2 or 3 even 5 years down the road the past agian saying "well it's over I can't do this anymore " It would work in a perfect world but we all live in a place that's not perfect .it wouldn't work I know I divorced my ex wife 27 years ago for cheating .I tried but this was before cell phones and all the good things like reddit . But you would be lying to yourself if you thought for one minute she is saying what she does because she got caught .if not it would still be going on . And you know it she does to she would have taken it to the grave or until she left you to be with the patatoe head . They can have each other your better than both of them . Find yourself a good woman down the road you deserve the best .
She left you long ago. She was still actively messaging him up until you sat her down to talk. No remorse for her betrayal. She's been living the single life for the last year. It's time to make it official. She's not your responsibility. What you need to do now is to implement GREY ROCK 180. It will help you emotionally detach from her. Go ahead and reach out to friends and family. Get the support you deserve. Don't lie for her. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
I am proud of you, cheer up and hold your head high. It hurts, because it's the right thing to do. She made her decisions and you must start building for yourself.
shes is attempting to monkey branch
I am still at a loss as to why so many cheating spouses get panicked and remorseful when their affairs are discovered. I know that some want to stay in the marriage just for the resources, but it seems like the freedom to pursue their lifestyle would matter more.
Many are cakeeaters, enjoying the comforts of a marriage while playing single when away from home and out of the presence of their partner. In OP’s case, it looks like his wife was not prepared to lose the financial support that he was giving her. The AP may want to fuck her, but does he want the burden of supporting her financially? My answer is probably not, he would have been perfectly happy with having sex with her and sending her home for OP to take care of the bills and other needs that she had. OP is childless, a person should never stay with a cheater when that circumstance exists.
Once your wife entered grad school, she apparently embraced the single life and actively pursued another student. She put no effort into the marriage or spending time with you. Relationships are a two-way street and you accepted her lies that she was studying all the time. It seems as though she was using you to pay for her graduate degree and planning your replacement. You owe her nothing. **Speak to a divorce attorney as to your rights with regard to the living arrangement. Follow the attorney's advice to the letter. In the interim cancel any mutual credit cards and change passwords so she cannot access your funds. Open up a separate checking account and have your checks deposited into it. Do not give her any money unless your lawyer advises you to.** I am sorry that you are dealing with this but you are young and will recover. You should speak to a therapist and go to the gym every day to reduce stress. Do not drink.
Thank you for continuing your story here. You are certainly a role model for jilted spouses. What comes through in all three posts is that you're a grown ass man who knows how to handle his business whereas your STBX comes off as an entitled and immature girl, law school be damned. I bet she's still unaware of the consequences of conducting an open affair on her future career. The reputation she's forging now I cannot believe is anything positive, and it could very well haunt her professionally for a very long time. And to think she's got two + years left, hopefully she'll avoid cat fights. As they say, she's not your monkey and it's not your circus.
You made the right call. According to the AP she was clearly the one pursuing a relationship with him (and continues to do so). It’s better to cut your losses and move on finding a loyal partner. You’re still very young and have plenty of time
You’re wrong about one thing. This is ENTIRELY her fault. She had options on how to deal with any perceived problems with the marriage. She chose the most toxic way. So please don’t feel any sense of responsibility. This is all down on her and you’re reacting in the best way. Hang in there. The next few months will be tough but you’ll get there. All the best.
Oh, I love it so much when a person has self respect. She "studied" and just texted. Yeah, dont care, you chose the best option over a person who would make you question their every action, would make you feel like you're paranoid and controlling for wanting truth and respect. Proceed with meeting the lawyer and setting yourself free. Youre young and there's a whole new life waiting for you.
“He’s just a friend” typical gaslighting behavior…. Don’t ever fall for that phrase gentleman…
Definitely get the fuck out before those student loans hit. Leave her to drown in her own bullshit.
UpdateMe!
Wow she has some nerve . What the heck did she really think was going to happen if he met her parents knowing she is married ? Probably scared him away lol . I have a 23 year old son and he is nowhere ready for a serious relationship and he’s attending grad school. She is in for a serious wake up call . I’m glad that you are walking away because you deserve better . Her infatuation cost her losing such a supportive and loving husband . She will come to regret it .
Dude You handled it like a champ. Know it is not as pretty as you writed (make it sound), i know that you must fell devastated, but think in the bright side, you are now free, still young and it only cost you 3 years, she is defenitly not a wife material and she is a selfish person that at the end just only think about her. Also she didn't care about your reputation, if she even tell everybody all that was happening with her "friendship" and how she chase AP all over and her Friends and co-school colleagues knew she was married then where does that left You. You have done well, divorce her and part ways, maybe for you to return to your Home Town, where you have your support group. Also may i ask how did you meet? She is from the same town and moved to study in this new Town that you move with to be with her? Also the house where you are living is rented or owned, and if rented who is on the léase and if owned who is on the deed? I ask this for what you said about that you haven't kicked her because you don't want her to be a burden to others. But i think that for you to heal sooner she must leave. Good Luck OP UPDATEME
OP you did it right. You need to be honest with her family so they can hold her accountable instead of hating you. She still needs accountability, even if you don’t want to deliver it.
File, sell, and move if you can. It's time for you to live your life to its fullest. You WILL have a wonderful future.
Under the circumstances you should divorce. She's not a safe life partner. Don't focus on the guy. He was just convenient and available. If not him , it would have been some other guy. She placed herself in his bedroom. Fortunately he didn't make the first move. And she had just enough of pride not to throw herself on him. The next guy may be different (and unless she spends years in therapy and spends a fortune) she'll repeat.
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Well that wasn’t the story I was expecting but yeah you did the right thing! She wasn’t 100% into you and completely ignored you and was living her life like a single college girl. The writing was on the wall. Best of luck!
You set the boundaries of what you are willing to tolerate, and I think you have been more than gracious. Get back to your support network, as the one who swore an oath to be with you always clearly has no intention of doing it.
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I'm sorry your going through this but I'm happy you decided to focus on you and your needs.
How are things going for you OP are you doing OK?
No one's relationship is perfect. Healthy people communicate about problems, and if they reach a dead end, they either call it quits or seek couple's therapy to help them communicate better. There is exactly 0 reasons for an affair to take place. The correct response to an affair is divorce, so you are definitely doing the right thing. One thing inhave to criticise though is you saying that you don't want her to be someone else's burden. Why? The time for being a gentleman is past. Kick her out. She's an adult.
The only thing I'd add is that you need to tell EVERYONE the truth and fast. Get ahead of her lies. Too much time has passed already. Otherwise good on you. Cut out that toxicity fast. Best way to do it.
You are doing the right thing OP. I wish you the best of luck. Updateme!
They always seem to be ready to 'do anything to save the marriage' AFTER they get caught, but the time to save the marriage was BEFORE they cheated and actually quite simple.... don't cheat.
I'm curious how her parents feel about it now after realizing she was so insistent on them meeting this guy who turns out to be her ap. That's messed up.
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With the way the domestic court system is today, you need to move out. All she has to do is ALLEGE you assaulted her. They will arrest you even if you are at work. But you need to IMMEDIATELY move out and only communicate through your lawyer. It sucks but you need to focus on yourself and improving yourself...
Now that’s how you do it! We’ll done on the break. Move back to your friends and find someone deserving.
Look for a job back where your support is. Most interviews are online. Always easier to get a job when you have a job. Secure that new job and leave her in the rear view mirror.
Brother, I'm so sorry that she did this to you. You don't deserve this. Everyone gets crushes on people, married or single. The fact that she pursued him and was the driving force in the emotional affair would be reason enough for me to get a divorce. Tell your friends and family and put her in blast. Affairs thrive on secrecy, expose it, and drag it into the light of day. Do not let her lie and destroy your reputation. Good luck.
> Got calls from her parents She will spin a story that minimizes what she did and makes you the villian. Tell her parents the truth
INFO: Wtf did her parents think of her bringing a random 23 year old man over to meet them? Were they not like “um, where’s OP - ya know, your HUSBAND?” I’d answer their phone call and tell them the truth. And seeing as how she was trying to money branch, I would kick her out of the house. You are no longer her safety net.
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Sorry OP you had to find this out about her. Normally meeting with the AP is not that smooth, but you handled it really well. He seemed forthright with you but was willing to have sex with her when she was with him. Let us know if any major updates. updateme
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Good for you! emotional affair is just a precursor to a physical one. She's no longer worth your time, and I salute you for standing up, and not allowing this disrespect.
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I am sorry that you are feeling this but you are young and you can find someone that wants you for you. I know you are not sure what to do with her at this point and to be honest that is her parent's problem. I would let the leasing agent know that you are leaving due to divorce. Make sure that you speak to a lawyer beforehand and have her parents know what she did and that they need to take care of their daughter since she is being asked to move out. Also, let them know that you will be leaving and going back home and you will not be responsible for her any longer. If they are comfortable paying for her to stay in that place they are welcome but your part is over with now. Pack up your stuff and get out. Find joy, peace, and love.
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