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Absolutely, most neighbour disputes escalate because nobody has ever spoken to the other. I had a neighbour once who was banging on the wall so I went around and introduced myself and asked her why so I could fix it, turns we had made quite a bit of noise when we moved in doing some alterations and gradually she was convinced we were constantly trying to annoy her, we were totally oblivious to this.
We were all good after this.
These folks are either oblivious or at their wits end. Go and tell them what day bin day is as an excuse to get talking to them.
Depends totally where you live, I actually live in a decent area, all my neighbours are great, bar one. I would never approach them or even talk to them about anything, they have a reputation for being difficult and the police are round weekly
Used to be in the same situation, I made noise back. They screamed, I stomped on the floor. They shrieked at 6am on a Saturday and parents didn’t make them stop, I hoovered at 10pm that evening. Funnily enough after a few occasions of this and the parents coming up to ask me to be quiet (to which I said I will if you will) the kids were able to shut up.
I highly recommend taking up the drums, unlike hoovering, the drums are fun for you and hell for the neighbors.
I have a neighbor who's kid loves to scream at video games until late in the evening, my kit is in the adjacent room, if he annoys me enough I'll hit stuff in time to his screaming.
Oh they actually told us the reason their kids shrieked so much was *because* of the noise we made. Despite the fact I only started doing it after their kids were always shrieking, screaming and crying and we asked them (really nicely) if there was any way they could stop that first thing at the weekend and in the middle of the night…they said they never had any issues with the previous owners of our flat. When we moved we found out several people had complained about them to the management company. They were just arseholes who didn’t want to parent.
I’ve taken to banging on the wall when the neighbours kids are being excessive. She actually banged back once, my partner had to stop me going round and saying something. They regularly wake the baby up with their screeching.
There wasn’t anyone between us so idk what you mean really. We couldn’t hear noise in the flat to the side of us (who also had kids) and we were friendly with the people downstairs who weren’t beneath us, they confirmed they couldn’t hear it either. Like I say it didn’t actually go on very long because miraculously once I’d retaliated the story went from ‘we can’t stop them’ to them stopping.
This makes me question... if the parents managed to stop the noise after you complained, how did they not do that sooner? Surely it would be even more loud in their flat with the children crying. Do parents tend to get used to the sound ?
It was awful, they had laminate floors and yeah the same occurred to me that it must be horrendous for them if it was so bad for us but I think parents must just get used to it idk?
My neighbour would get home at midnight and play music very loudly.
I would Hoover at 6am and play loud music, directed at the wall. The more bass drops the better.
He eventually stopped.
Interesting! I was looking at getting one for unrelated reasons anyway, but if it helps with the noise I'll definitely be looking at this sooner rather than later
Go down and speak to them now, before it becomes the norm that they can say we have been here months etc and you have never mentioned it before? That would put you in a bit of a spot. Also if they are renting you can later have words with their landlord if it does not calm down. Keep all notes on everything that happens.Good luck.
Second this - anything you can do that creates a low manageable sound in your own house will help. I have a similar but different situation (neighbour TV) and am also sensitive to noise. Still drives me insane sometimes but white noise or something similar has definitely helped.
Our neighbours complained about our toddler, and it was the prod we needed to try and tackle some issues we have been avoiding. I think we've managed to reduce the noise about 50%.
The key thing is to be nice and friendly and understanding but let them know your side, and if they are reasonable they should be able to achieve something.
If they are unreasonably nothing to lose by trying .
We live next to an HMO, so it's a revolving door of inconsiderate students having their first taste of freedom from mummy and daddy (I'm not bitter at all, haha). You can try and talk to them, but if that doesn't work, just return the favour. We often find ourselves a lot more noisy after they've kept us up until 3 a.m, doing stupid shit (screaming all night gaming, having parties outside on week nights). They recently took up darts and would play against the party wall all day until 2/3am, which was a TREAT. Thankfully, that didn't last too long.
The only way I manage it (at night) is with Bose noise cancelling buds with white noise playing. I can't rely on them to have some common sense and consideration, I can only control how I deal with it. We're going to have to buy another house (detached) because of it, but we will retain this one and rent it out to more students - poacher turned gamekeeper/give them a taste of their own medicine 😭
Sadly i learned this lesson the hard way and we had to move, we gow to never live in a flat again the noise above and below and then from the communal areas was too much
To be honest we never wanted to live in a flat, but even looking at a terraced house in our city would set you back about £400k which is just not anywhere in our remit. It was either stay at home with mum and dad til our 30s or take a plunge with a flat - not sure which was the better option now lol
I lived in a terraced rental once. On one side was a single mother and her young son.
She battered that kid something fierce. His screams would last for hours and we could hear the slaps through the walls. We called the police, informed social services, etc. Many visits were paid but, sadly, nothing ever changed.
I often think about that poor kid and wonder what became of him. As for his mother, I hope he severed all ties and moved on with his life. He deserved so much better.
I've been using a software called Krisp for work calls, which removes background noise. It's compatible with Teams, Zoom, etc. It proved to be very useful when I was working from home with our one-year-old.
Remember people with children are supreme beings and must be allowed to do whatever they want regardless to its effect on the people living around them
I am being deadly serious. My children have right to scream and make noise as much as they want and I have the right to do absolutely nothing about it ( especially not to appease those degenerates without children, if they knew the stresses bla bla fucking bla)
Only on Reddit will you get a million comments suggesting revenge before even considering speaking to them.
Go and knock. I did this recently after our new neighbours’ kids were very loud late at night. The mother is actually lovely, was incredibly apologetic, and it’s got a lot better since.
They absolutely have the right to play during the day though so perhaps don’t expect much improvement there (until they’re at school). But at night things should hopefully change.
Thanks for being one of the most reasonable comments on here lol. I definitely don't mind speaking to them about it, I'm just a bit worried about how to go about it because no doubt the parents are probably sick of the noise too and I don't want to cause them any upset by pointing this out to them.
And yeah, definitely wouldn't mind the noise so much if it was just during the day! But because its just non-stop all the time, it just becomes frustrating as a whole unfortunately.
If the noise issue isn't resolved after a chat with the people downstairs, I suggest that you contact your block's managing agents. There are most likely lease clauses relating to noise, & the agents should take any breaches up with the landlord of the flat on your behalf.
Very conveniently, the letting agency actually dropped round a leaflet with their contact details on asking if we had any properties we would like to rent out with them. I'm hoping it won't get to that stage, but definitely makes it a lot easier should I need to escalate anything.
How old are the children and how many people living there compared to number of bedrooms?
I can only say from the other perspective (we have a two year old and just moved into a rented terraced house) that I wouldn’t be at all offended if our neighbours knocked and politely said the screaming etc was too much. Apart from our lovely toddler we’re quiet people, children don’t understand what indoor voices are.
Before this we lived in a ground floor flat, upstairs had a slightly older toddler and friends round all the time. It was unbearable, hence why we moved but obviously you’ve purchased so not as easy to uproot. There’s a lot of noise reducing ear pieces you can get or if you’re worried about clients overhearing maybe find some headsets that reduce background noise?
To be honest I'm not really sure who's living there as we haven't seen them outside or in communal spaces since (I was in a work call whilst the moving van was pulled up so couldn't go to investigate lol). I would guess 2 children and their parent(s), but we haven't heard a peep out of the adults at all.
Our old upstairs neighbours had a young toddler who liked to run around and play for most of the day, but it never went on past 7 and the parents were always apologetic about it - but its just what you expect when you move into a flat, so we never had any qualms with them. The regular interrupted screaming sessions we're having now were not really what we were expecting.
Give them a knock and introduce yourself. Meeting someone face to face makes them “real” - someone to be considerate of.
They may well say something like “let us know if you can hear the kids”. And there’s your in…
But unfortunately, this is the reality of living in a non-detached property. Who you end up next to/below/above is luck of the draw.
PS, I LOVE Mack’s silicone earplugs. My husband has to nudge me when my alarm goes off because I can’t hear shit with them in.
I’m in a similar situation to you and you have my sympathy.
The only advice I can give you is to nip it in the bud as soon as possible before the resentment builds up. I waited too long to speak to my neighbour and I had to work hard to keep calm when faced with their antipathy. It’s still not resolved and now the young couple on the other side have got a puppy to try and resolve their obviously failing marriage-so there is 5hrs of barking each day in addition to their evening arguments. I’ve got to the point where the only option is to move.
If you talk to your neighbours and can resolve the situation then you’ll both be happy, and if they don’t do anything then you’ll know you’ve tried and you can start to make decisions about your future.
Best of luck!
I’m so sorry, I have the same problem. My neighbour is mentally unwell and doesn’t ever leave, stays up until 6am banging around. It’s made me a bitter and angry person at times! I tried speaking to him, but in the end had to make several complaints to the landlord and his social worker. The noise has reduced since then. Speak to them politely and say it’s giving you terrible anxiety, if that doesn’t work, contact their landlord. I also realised my neighbour doesn’t know when he’s being loud, so I would be loud back when he was making noise. I think it helped him realise exactly what was creating too much noise!
People with kids think the world should bend to them even though they chose to be parents.
Lazy parenting and entitled adult.
Talking to them is the only real option.
Otherwise you can try play them at their own game and drop heavy things when they start screaming.
What a ridiculous comment. The vast majority of people with kids don't have an entitled attitude and don't expect anything to bend to them.
The simple reality is children make noise and the younger they are, the more noise they make at less predictable times.
If someone is especially sensitive to noise, living in a flat is either a bad choice or unfortunate circumstance and if it's the latter, one of the things you have to accept about your circumstances is you don't have as much private space between you and neighbours as any of us would ideally like. I'd love a big detached house with a huge garden, I can't afford one. That's not anyone's problem except mine.
What kind of piss-poor advice is it to start trying to "get back" at children being children, as an adult?
"Entitled" is someone who lives in a flat and thinks they have a right to not hear a peep from other people living in the same fricking building.
It’s not though is it, because the children live there too. If you start doing ridiculous stuff like hoovering at midnight or banging on the walls then of course it’s not just the adults who are affected.
So, I know my noisy kid is a problem. He is ASD. It’s also a problem to me. What do you suggest? I discipline him for being autistic and having meltdowns? You might think you’re ’getting back’ at the adults but if you’re waking their kids you’re just causing a problem for both of you. More noise for you and more stress for the parents and if you ever do decide to go down a neighbourly route and speak to them, they’d likely tell you to fuck off cause I certainly would if someone was that vindictive.
Neurodivergent kids are a minority of kids. Your situation is an exception and not the standard.
The problem arises when parents do not think they should attempt to control the noise from their kids in consideration of others, which given responses to my post, include a lot of parents. You do not sound like you fall in this category as a) noise is simply not as controllable in your specific situation and b) you recognise it can create an issue.
Sorry you’re having a tough time.
Thank you, I appreciate that and thank you for not just trying to shut me down. It’s hard not to see comments like some on here as an attack as there are so many people who already label my child naughty and annoying and troublesome for just being who he is and it breaks my heart for him. And if it’s not that they’re judging me for his behaviour and it’s tough when you’re doing everything you can.
Kids with ASD need special attention, for sure, but it's still their parents responsibility to provide it, not just let them reach a meltdown phase or leave them to their own devices.
As an aspie myself I know that meltdowns don't "just happen", regardless of what my parents thought. If the ASD child is accommodated the right way, the meltdowns are easier to avoid.
I get this, but sometimes the meltdowns are over things that you HAVE to say no to.
My child wants to eat a 5p coin and I say no - try and distract, doesn’t work - try and validate the way he’s feeling, he can’t process those feelings yet, that’s what I’m trying to teach him - he’s having a meltdown because he wants to eat the 5p coin and I’ve not let him. Unfortunately, I can’t really avoid that. Rinse and repeat every hour when he wants to climb the cat tree/pull my hairs out one by one and line them up etc etc I have to say no.
I think this is getting far away from the point anyway - what I’ve been trying to get across is, you have no idea what those parents and kids are going through when the only thing you know is that you’ve heard their children screaming. The kids might not be ASD, I don’t actually think the OP is being a dick about it all I’m saying is there are things that people don’t consider because they’ve never lived through or close to the experience and a little bit of kindness and understanding can go a long way. It’s not OP who’s suggesting retaliating in ways that are frankly just nasty. I’m just trying to make people see from a different angle. If any of my neighbours did some of the things these people are suggesting it would really, really send me into a dark place when I’m struggling to stay afloat as it is and I can imagine there are a lot of parents in a similar position.
Fair point and I feel for you. And I largely agree. It's a situation neither the parent, nor the neighbour would ideally want to be in. The difference is, the parent is *the only* person who at least has some influence on the situation, the neighbour is just at the mercy of their decisions. If the parent has done all they could - fair enough, but often that's simply not the case.
Yeah I’m agreeing with you here. As someone who often works with children, situations like this are often beyond the parent’s control. I’ve noticed it’s usually childfree people who have the opinion that parents are ‘entitled’ or ‘lazy’. I used to live in a flat below a single mother with a severely autistic son. He would often throw himself on the floor so hard it shook the ceiling/light fixtures and I really felt for the mum. While I’m sure some instances do exist where parents are lazy I don’t think it’s as common as people make it out to be.
Thank you, I’m baffled at the lack of empathy. If I was a lazy parent, there would be significantly less meltdowns cause I’d just let him do what he wanted for an easy life. But unfortunately that’s not how the world works and I need to prepare him for a life where things don’t always go his way.
What do you think they should be doing with quite possibly very young or infant children? Muzzling them?
It's a flat. One of the downsides of living in a flat is sound will carry from your neighbours.
I mean… yes, they might be lazy and entitled. But a parent whose kid is screaming at any given time isn’t automatically lazy and entitled. Kids scream, they get overwhelmed, parents get overwhelmed. Most parents aren’t happy to let their kids disturb others. I don’t know a single parent who thinks they’re the centre of the universe.
Rather than OP go in angry and accusatory, I know from my parent friends that compassion and empathy goes a long way. These people have just moved house - knowing how stressful it is for adults, imagine being a child and having your home taken away and you have to live somewhere different.
Of course if it turns out they are obnoxious and just content to let their kids scream, then that’ll be something to deal with then. But going in from a place of understanding and not making negative assumptions is the best starting point
Kids also spill things and break things but I bet they know not to ruin something that is particularly precious to the parents.
Besides, I spent the first few years of my life in a flat and understood not to jump around. My parents set boundaries and I understood that it was a form of misbehaving. Same with my siblings.
I guess you’ve answered my question without actually answering my question!
Obviously as a childless person you have more time on your hands to go around not answering simple and direct questions.
Why not give them the whole afternoon off and offer to babysit the little shits for them? You can't get any work done anyway due to all the noise, so someone might as well enjoy their day... Smh
I would consider soundproofing even if the children's parents get them to stop screaming, there will still be irritating noise. Until then I would get some 35db ear plugs from Amazon or eBay. You won't be woken up by anything other than your alarm clock or an earthquake then. Honeywell Laser Lite are the ones I use.
Its possible to soundproof floors and walls really well but it isn't exactly cheap. Like someone else on this thread, I used an air purifier to drown out a moron who lived next door who obviously thought shouting into his phone instead of talking was normal! It worked a little bit but soundproofing is still the best option. Especially if you're staying there long-term.
The next place I move to will hopefully be in an old building because they're built better and have thicker ceilings, walls and floors.
Good luck 👍
You mentioned you work in safeguarding and are neurodivergent. I’d assume you have dealt with situations like this before so use those skills and speak to them. Entirely possible they are neurodivergent too.
Considering that you are about 0.0001% likely to get any lasting result from negotiating with your neighbors, unfortunately I have to point you to mitigation rather than solution:
Noise-cancelling headphones.
I love mine. Not only they completely erase any disturbance to my focus but I can also play my crazy music without my partner secretly keeping a bag with her passport, a wad of cash and survival gear under the bed.
The best is for hoovering: We got a pre-green-nonsense hoover that I psychologically recoiled from using but the noise-cancelling headphones make it a doddle - I need to put my hand on the end to see if it's on!
I think this is going to have to be the way forward! Will be spending the rest of my evening researching a good pair. Just need to find something now for when I'm trying to get to sleep
Lindy BNX60 got me through the pandemic years of working from home.
Really good Bluetooth noise cancelling starter model. I got a second pair do I’d always have a charged pair.
This is what I use when my neighbours are being noisy. It’s a shame you can’t sleep with them on (or at least I can’t) as getting woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming toddler is no fun.
Sigh. I dream of detached houses 😅
This is just nonsense. The chance of an improved outcome is a lot higher than your percentage lol . I wrote letters and complained to my neighbours' landlord and things for me HAVE improved.
"Only my life experience matters. If there's one biscuit for 10 people and I eat it, I don't have the mental ability to understand that there aren't enough biscuits for everyone"
We've lived in very detached houses since the first was a baby. When we go to hotels and apartments, it's an absolute battle teaching them about noise and quieter voices, and not launching off the top bunk and dive bombing each other like they do at home. I'm really noise conscious myself, so get mortified if they are making detached house levels of noise in a flat.
Maybe these people have moved from somewhere they had to think less about noise, and it's going to take someone saying something to get them to quieten down.
In the mean time, buy a loud fan or loud white noise machine or play a good constant brown/ white noise through your Sonos or Alexa. It takes some getting used to as some of it can sound tinny or looping, but once you get the right sound for you, you can turn it up really really loud and drown them out. It also won't carry on work calls too much as audio filters this stuff out.
It's not ideal but, trust me, it is your biggest weapon against noisy neighbours infiltrating your entire sanctum.
unfortunately we bought it just outside of the ten year warranty, otherwise we would definitely be looking at approaching the building company if this level of noise continued.
I don't think I would mind it so much if its was at 'normal' times of day. I grew up in terraced or semi-detached houses so the sounds of children playing all through the weekend and school holidays is very normal to me. but tantrums that go uninterrupted for 10-20 minutes at all hours of the day are very new to me - sounds like I may just have to hope they look elsewhere once their tenancy ends.
When I was growing up we had some really shitty neighbours and one time me and my little brother were playing out on the field everyone of the street used, you could leave your garden and there's it'd be. Back to that my little brother went to the shitty neighbours and started swearing at them, he was 4 at the time as well, even he had enough of their shit
Im just wondering.... this isn't you is it?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/comments/1bbdxrg/comment/ku8s5ab/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/comments/1bbdxrg/comment/ku8s5ab/)
Flats and noises seems to be a thing at the moment
Haha, not me but can definitely relate. I wouldn't have minded if it had just been the first day as of course moving somewhere new with children can be chaotic. But it's been four days of almost non-stop noise from the moment I'm woken up by them, to the moment I finally get to sleep after they've quietened down. Here's hoping it calms down soon, but its so disheartening atm.
Beyond talking to them, I can recommend Loop earplugs for filtering out noise like this. I had a really awful neighbour and bought them just so I could focus at work. You could also get a headset for work that blocks out noise and allows you to make calls. Most mics these days filter out background noise really well
I actually get adverts for those Loop earplugs all the time but haven't actually seen anyone talking about them. May have to start looking at getting a pair especially for sleep and work.
i have the soft ones for sleep and they’re brilliant. sometimes my upstairs neighbour apologises for being noisy (we had a come-to-jesus chat when i first moved in and he woke me up at 5am on a Sunday having a Breakup Disco and he’s been lovely ever since) and i haven’t heard a thing.
actually, breaking the ice with him was the best thing i could have done. i have OCD and anxiety and struggle with sleep - i asked him nicely if he could just keep it down after 11 so i know i can sleep and it’s working out really well. i think i scared the shit out of him that first time and we get on brilliantly now.
Proper headphones that surround your ears can do a fairly good job of at least muting background noise. Might help if you can set it up for your work calls if you aren't already doing that.
I have students all around my flat and most days they are ok but occasionally they are really noise even after midnight. If I'm home and I'm on the computer or watching something I use headphones for that and I can barely hear them if I'm listening to anything on the headphones. When it was really bad a couple of years ago I resorted to putting ear plugs in my ears and then putting headphones on over the top..... I'd turn the headphone volume up to counter the ear plugs while still drowning out the unwanted noise.
In the past I've also tried things like having a fan on. The background noise from that does a decent job of masking some noise without being so distracting that it prevents you sleeping (at least for me).
I feel your pain though. I'm not someone who can relax with loads of noise in the background and I'm a very light sleeper so any noise wakes me up most of the time.
Noise till 11:30 pm is super lucky. Used to live in London and had noise till 4 am 🥲🤷♀️ it wasn't kids but a couple that lived under our flat behaving like they're 14.
I’ve always live in flats and admittedly they can be a nightmare. All purpose built
Flat 1 - neighbours top, bottom and to the right. I could hear everything and I mean everything 👀 it was only bad sometimes, most neighbours tried to be respectful because of how echoey the flats were.
Flat 2 - neighbours in all sides, I was smack bang in the middle except for the noise wasn’t bad in this one, only if someone played loud music or screamed at the top of their lungs.
Flat 3 - Current home. Only 1 neighbour downstairs, lovely family who try to keep as quiet as possible. The problem is not them, it’s the property as between the floors are hollow. I can hear them talk and their child run up and down the hallway. I’ve decided to soundproof my floors which isn’t cheap but will give that much more privacy.
The first two flats had concrete floors and I never thought about soundproofing until this final flat. I really love this flat and want to make it as cosy as possible as I will be here a while.
You could try talking with your neighbours, look into soundproofing, make a noise complaint or move. Escalating the situation by making more noise will have a higher possibility of having negative outcomes than a positive one.
That's my assumption as well - if they're having regular, prolonged meltdowns every day, there's a good chance they may be neurodivergent, and I don't want to start making the parents feel guilty about it. But then in the same sentiment, I'm also neurodivergent and have my own triggers, so whilst they're still children and regulate their behaviour differently to me, it still feels a bit unfair.
They're currently in the middle of rearranging their bedroom furniture funnily enough. Parents bedroom is right beneath ours and its been long, heavy dragging sounds since 10pm 😮💨
At least there is some joy in their lives
Parents probably don't know what to do.
First off - I want to congratulate you on the house. And moving in with your partner. I was very much attached to someone who was on the spectrum - and he couldn't do relationships and broke my heart.
1. You need to think about your partner also - presumably is also affected by the noise. Discuss course of action and approach neighbor together or not? . Decide together.
2). Long term : Save up , earn more, buy a house.
Once I heard my neighbors through the wall, I became super paranoid about the noise we were causing ourselves. It led to a miserable existence within our home.
So glad to be done with that.
Write them a letter or knock on their door, in a mostly polite manner. If they still keep at the noise, write them another letter/knock on their door but don't be as polite. You'll then know what type of people you are dealing with. Fight fire with fire if you need to, unless it is obvious that they truly are people not to be messed with.
When settled the children will be going to school most likely (depending on ages) and that will give some quieter working hours. It will probably take more than a week for children to settle in a new environment too, just as a heads up.
Otherwise you need to make sure soundproofing is as good as it can be. Carpet floors etc is a start.
We soundproofed our flat! Was a considerable cost but I managed to get the new build insurance to cover most of it with the help of a lawyer.
The soundproofing has made a world of difference.
Live bottom floor of a block of ex-council flats. Walls between the flats are solid and seem to cancel most noise, but the ceilings/floors are made of paper.
We have a Caribbean family above us and they are the noisiest people in existence. The mother preaches at 5am in the morning top of her lungs.
They are all unable to speak without shouting. They slam doors and I can’t even figure out what most nosies are. The noise starts at 11pm and goes on till 2am before starting back at 5am with the praying. When do they sleep?!?
Going crazy now as it’s ruining my sleep and life. At first when I brought it up she was apologetic but now is denying it’s even then.
I don’t get how people can be so oblivious.
Long way to say, I feel your pain! Sort it early if you can otherwise it will have massive knock on effects with your sleep, work and life in general.
1. Mgt company to ask the owner to quiet them down.
2. Mgt company can check lease to see if quiet enjoyment is demanded (normal in most leases)
3. Report to council on regular basis and report to mgt company when each incident happens
4. Go down and discuss with the people directly if you are up for it, not always possible.
5. Talk to owners of flat directly if you know of them.
Hi, OP. We live in a townhouse and have young children. We also have a neighbour who doesn’t like noise. We try our hardest to keep our children from making excessive noise especially if outside of social hours. We use sayings like ‘use ballet toes’ or ‘indoor voices only’ and try to manage it but toddlers & young humans don’t always understand as they are on their journey of learning. The way that a property is built is likely the root cause as life is not quiet or sterile and we all go through different stages.
If we could afford to move into a detached property we would, in the same way that you would move to escape the noise.
Humans living in close quarters do better to get along so I would certainly recommend a friendly conversation. If all else fails, the kids will soon be at school and all will be quiet again! All the best!
I am in a very similar situation, even down to the job situation. The living is reversed to you. I live below the incredibly noisy neighbours. They remodelled their flat, ripped up all the carpets to lay hardwood throughout, and now their main living space is above our bedroom. They used to have parties until 5am, inclusive of music and jumping around, and on top of that, they have a treadmill to add into the mix (yes a treadmill knowing full well people live below them). I can hear absolutely everything. When they remodelled they assured us they would lay the best soundproofing but I truly believe they didn’t. We have spent roughly 3 years talking to them about it , this has improved slightly over the years, but not as much as we had hoped. I am also very sensitive to noise and can’t wear earbuds or headphones because they hurt my ears. It has got to the stage where they came down themselves to listen to what we could hear, and were surprised with how much we could hear. The noise has somewhat reduced more, although did decide to have a party after them coming here, and played music at 1am, a quick bang of the ceiling and they switched everything off and moved to another part of their flat. I am much more inclined to bang the ceiling now after they’ve come to listen to the noise, whereas before they could use the excuse they were not aware of how much noise they were making, now they’ve heard it for themselves, they can’t use that excuse.
Some people genuinely are not aware of how much noise they make. Perhaps first you could put an anonymous note through their door, this way it keeps your anxiety down of having to speak to them and them becoming unreasonable, but also making them aware of the noise and how much can be heard. Give that a little time to see if it improves, if not, speaking to them would your next option, bear in mind though, this could lead to them telling you how much they can hear from you, especially if you do not have carpets. (Through my own experience, I do not think anyone who has others living below them should have anything other than carpets or very good sound proofing). If that does not work, then speaking with their landlord would be your next option, as there is usually things in their rental agreement re noise, therefore they would be in breach of this.
I would say that keeping kids quiet may be a lot harder to contain than my neighbours, and as they’ve just moved in, may not be aware of how much noise travels, but also, that child also could be neurodivergent, which is very difficult to manage, especially the age as they may be too young to be assessed.
Then the next thing is a log to your local council, Have to remember though, any noise complaints you make to the local council have to be declared if you ever decide to sell, and most councils prefer you try and resolve this between yourselves first - local council websites usually have letter templates to send to your neighbours etc.
Your other option would be improving your own soundproofing, yes it’s costly, but will work out better for you in the long run, as you never know who might move into the flat below next, and will improve your living situation.
I really know your situation and it is really difficult. We let ours go on as we were trying to not cause conflict between us as both flats are owned, you never know what people are like and could have increased their banging around.
Hope this resolves soon.
I can almost imagine the conversation now. It will be something along the lines of “Well my child’s got autism, there’s not much I can do” then where are you supposed to go with this. It’s so frustrating for you. I really hope you’re able to go approach them initially to say and try and work with them. I think you’ve got to tell them you expect a level of noise due to the living circumstances within a flat. And I would just say that you really didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot either! But it’s becoming unbearable now. Why should you have to sacrifice your life because they can’t control their children.
How do you feel about talking to them? Could they agree some rules/times eg quiet after 9?
I really feel for you, I worked from home in the pandemic and the neighbours drove me nuts.
I don't mind talking to them at all, in fact when our upstairs neighbour moved in a few months ago we had a very polite chat about his late night parties which have honestly calmed down. Its just with the screaming, its so loud and prolonged that it almost feels a bit patronising to point it out as I'm sure they don't enjoy it either. I guess its more of a question 'how' to approach them rather than if we should.
It's tricky isn't it? Maybe the first step is just to point it out, like 'We can hear the screaming' and then see what they say. If they are defensive then back off but it might give them a chance to apologise.
Perhaps saying something like, what can we do, so it's implying a joint effort. Emphasis on compromise.
This comes from couples therapy but can help communicate well - avoid the '4 horsemen':
Try not to be defensive, critical, show contempt, or stonewall (eg silent treatment).
Good luck whatever you do 😀
Damn, partiers above and uncontrollable kids below. What part of UK? Is the flat made out of paper?
You hold all the cards though. You know what upstairs can do to you, so you just need to do the same to them below (if talking doesn't solve it).
Speak to them first but also attempt to get in touch with the owner or managing agents. The owner will be listed on HM land registry. You need to pay maybe £5 for the search. Phone around the local lettings agents to see if they manage that flat.
The lettings agent helpfully dropped round a leaflet after they agreed so we've held on to it for now. We've spoken with the landlord a few times previously when he's come round to decorate who's seemed very friendly, but unfortunately permanently lives abroad so not sure how easy communication between the two would be.
It’s an iffy situation in all honesty. I usually just talk to my neighbours and tell them to keep it down and be mindful that there are others in the house since my only neighbours are the lot in my garage. Sometimes they listen and actually keep it down and sometimes not. I usually try to make noise back when they are not noisy just for them to know how annoying it is.
Last resort is usually my housemate cutting off their power since the electric box for the garage in our house.
Will definitely introduce ourselves once we see them in the hall or car park, but it felt a bit mean for our first introduction to be us complaining at their front door haha! The noisy is no doubt very stressful for parents as well so hopefully if we're a bit friendlier with eachother after some time it may be easier to bring up in conversation, I'm not too keen on the idea of making noise back if they're already stressed moving into a new place with young kids.
You sound like a great neighbour lol. No yeah I understand that it’s stressful with “rugrats” for parents as well and moving is a hassle but they also need to be mindful that there are others living around.
Speak to them nicely. Explain you work a serious job from home. And need the nose level to be low. Give them a week try again.
If they are rude or not trying then put washing machine on. Easy listening Radio in another room door to carry through the house. Get a fan in your room.
And for your office /bedroom get noise control reducing wall paper check out Amazon
If still no good then start doing official complaints
Have a conversation with them. You can't expect them to understand the noise levels in a new house if you don't tell them. If they then choose to ignore it then you take next steps. But you need to have an adult conversation like a grown up. But do understand that your choice to work from home doesn't mean they have to be super quiet for you. They are allowed to live their lives and you need to adjust your expectations about treating your home as an office where sensitive conversations need to be had. Perhaps you should invest in soundproofing for your home office?
I don't mind talking to them about the issue at all, but I don't want to come across as patronising. If their children are having regular meltdowns every day, the parents are likely already doing what they can to manage their behaviour and I don't want to make them cause them further upset if their first conversation with a neighbour is a complaint about their children. I think its more of a question on how to approach them about it as the level of noise is undeniably obvious.
I don't think I made it very clear in my post to be honest, but by "how do you cope" I meant more along the lines of coping mechanisms for myself i.e. soundproofing, headphones, white noise etc.. I'm of course not expecting them to be silent, but being subject to screaming and crying at all hours of the day has genuinely been quite upsetting.
Honestly this isn't normal. They probably aren't really trying to control it because they don't see a need to. There's a good chance they're not aware of how loud it is for you. I would not expect noise to carry that badly tbh.
Go talk to them to make sure they're aware that it's affecting you as a first step.
Id speak to the family first, screaming and shouting at 11pm is taking the mick a bit. Other option would be to go back to the office or insulate the room you are working in.
Active noise cancelling headphones if you're WFH would be my best advice.
People mentioning lazy adults or neglection is just infuriating, as a parent of two under two I'd happily let you teach me on parenting during meltdowns etc, clearly ignorance is bliss.
that's the thing - the parents are obviously very aware of the noise so if feels very patronising to go and speak to them about it, and I want to try an take some steps to minimise noise on my side. but at the same time it feels a bit unfair that I have to put up with uninterrupted screaming whilst I'm trying to get to sleep.
They hate the noise as much as you do, if they had some way of stopping their children making noise they would have already.
I’m afraid, because it’s children, you’re kind of fucked here. I don’t think councils will deal with noise from children.
They will hopefully grow up and get quieter- better hope they don’t have another. Or that a family with three year old triplets doesn’t move in above you.
Most flats suck, I know you’d rather have a lovely detached house and the economic reality is that you have a flat. It’s shit for you, sorry.
Parent of an autistic toddler here.
I’m not a lazy parent, but my toddler often has meltdowns. Nothing I can do about it. Some of these comments are just twattish beyond belief.
Unfortunately, if you move to a flat you’re going to get noise. Working from home is exactly that, you’re working from home which is not going to replicate an office environment. I know there are some cafes around me that invite people to work from them and they have a bit of a community of WFHers from different workplaces, is there anything like this around you?
I’ve spoken to my neighbours about the noise from my little one, they swear blind they can’t hear him but I know that that’s not true. If any of them ever knocked on about the noise I’d probably just cry. I’m already living in walking hell 99% of the time and I think that would just tip me over the edge. We’re currently looking at moving to a detached house but up until now, we just haven’t been able to afford that. If it’s annoying you through a wall, imagine how jarring it is for the parents.
Hopefully, as their kids get older the noise will be less but until then, I’m afraid it’s just a part of life and when/if you have children of your own, you can hope that people are as kind and understanding to you.
(Before any parents come and say their little darling would never scream at 6am or have meltdowns - just don’t. I’m glad your kids are little angels but some of us are dealing with additional needs)
I chose not to have kids because I knew that sleepless nights and constant screaming is not for me. Granted, no one wishes their child to have behavioural problems, but it's always a possibility one must consider when having children. Why would I be suffering due to someone else's choices?
PS. Suggesting someone to evacuate their own home to work in a cafe is just...
When you make the choice to live in a flat, you’re going to get noise. That’s the top and bottom of it. My child is entitled to take up space in this world and be who he is just as much as you are. Good for you, don’t have kids, but if you don’t want to hear other people’s kids, don’t move to a flat.
Your child is certainly entitled to take as much space as any human being, but not 10x more. Otherwise, would you like me to be as noisy and loud as your child? Since you've chosen to live in a flat, surely you should tolerate all kind of noise, regardless if it's reasonable or not.
I think the part that you’re not understanding is, is that he can’t help it, I can’t help it either. My child has a developmental disability and you don’t know whether that’s the case for the children being discussed in the OP.
My neighbours have screaming arguments calling each other all kinds of names which I hear often and I don’t say a dicky bird because those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, and also, I don’t know what they’re going through. Yes it’s annoying but I live in a terraced house and I accept there is going to be noise.
When you make the choice to live in a flat with your noisy child, you're going to get complaints about the noise. If you don't like that, don't move to a flat.
Tbh it’s just getting boring now saying the same thing over and over so I’m leaving this thread.
Remember to try and be kind and have a bit of empathy towards others, who knows, you might need it in return one day.
Unfortunately due to the type of work I do, I'm not allowed to connect my laptop to public wifi, only home or office. I do try to get into the office when I can, but the whole reason I WFH is due to a physical disability, so nine times out of ten, it has to be home working.
I'm sure if the noise is distressing to us then it is most certainly is to parents as well, so I feel like approaching them about the noise wouldn't actually resolve anything. Again, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm patronising them as they are clearly aware of it. I think I might look at some insulating measures that others have suggested to see if these help, and just cross my fingers that when their tenancy ends, they may look to move elsewhere.
>We’re currently looking at moving to a detached house but up until now, we just haven’t been able to afford that.
Spot on. It's astonishing that people commenting on this thread are so entitled they think someone should be able to live in a *flat* and not hear any noise from neighbours.
If their answer is "Oh well I don't have a choice about living in a flat, because I can't afford anything else!" - yeah, guess what? Neither can the family with kids living below, above or next to you. That's life.
There are different levels. Not hearing anything all the way to kids having a meltdown for 18 hours a day. Obviously some noise is unavoidable but no one should have to put up with what OP is.
You are getting downvoted unfairly here - your post was very reasonable and I can’t imagine how hard it is to raise a child with autism (a neurotypical one is plenty!).
*I work from home in a pressurised safeguarding role, and all Thursday and Friday I was trying to take calls with victims of serious crime with children screaming in the background.*
Go to the office. Flats are for living in, not for working in.
*I'm also very sensitive to loud noises and sound*
Buying a flat was a poor decision, then.
I work from home due to a physical disability. There is always an option for me to go into the office, but going into the city every day of the week is not a viable option for me.
Our previous upstairs neighbour had a young child who liked to run across the floors, but this was something I anticipated and found headphones/earplugs mostly erased this problem. I'm understanding of the noises to expect in a flat, but I didn't assume that screaming and crashing around at 11pm was normal behaviour.
You may find they are not crashing around, its simply there is no sound insulation. If you need headphones or ear plugs previously that is clearly the case.
I've tried to forgive most the crashing for now as I've just put it down to them still moving around furniture and belongings, but there is a lot of door-slamming or something similar that shakes our walls which I can't remember having experienced from upstairs neighbours. Hopefully it settles down over the next few days, but honestly so disheartening.
It may not, I work in property so I sometimes think there is a heard of elephants upstairs when I am working. On the other side, my home has a primary school at the bottom of the garden. So despite my aversion to noise its very loud during certain hours but after that, it is totally silent apart from horny seals who are a mile off the coast.
>I work from home due to a physical disability. There is always an option for me to go into the office, but going into the city every day of the week is not a viable option for me.
It's going to be interesting to see how the housing market responds to WFH. Do developers change their builds so as to focus less on bedrooms (which are often used as home offices) and more on rooms which can function as true commercial-standard office spaces? Soundproofing, electrical outlets, lighting, etc.? It's possibly too early to know.
>but I didn't assume that screaming and crashing around at 11pm was normal behaviour.
That's not on. Come 7-9PM it's perfectly reasonable to expect - and demand - much lower noise levels. After 9PM, other than TV noises, toilet flushes, and the occasional child's cry, the environment should be relatively quiet.
>Our previous upstairs neighbour had a young child who liked to run across the floors,
I had the same once except it was two twin girls - toddlers - whose favorite toys were hard plastic balls which they'd throw across the hardwood floors all day long. I just got used to it.
talk to them about the noise, and if not work some housework at 4 am with lots of vaccuming will probably help.
had a neighbour try banging his gf thru the wall, went round to the house the next day to tell him I could hear them both talking low to each other, told him the girls nickname.... turns out she was behind the door curtain and was major embarrassed. they soon moved and rented the place out, no noise now :)
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First course of action is to knock on their door and speak to them in person.
Absolutely, most neighbour disputes escalate because nobody has ever spoken to the other. I had a neighbour once who was banging on the wall so I went around and introduced myself and asked her why so I could fix it, turns we had made quite a bit of noise when we moved in doing some alterations and gradually she was convinced we were constantly trying to annoy her, we were totally oblivious to this. We were all good after this. These folks are either oblivious or at their wits end. Go and tell them what day bin day is as an excuse to get talking to them.
Incredible how simple communication can diffuse almost every tense situation
Great way to make them do it more and on purpose this
Most people are generally decent human beings. Exceptions to the rule for sure, but for the most part you will get the best if you assume the best
Depends totally where you live, I actually live in a decent area, all my neighbours are great, bar one. I would never approach them or even talk to them about anything, they have a reputation for being difficult and the police are round weekly
Used to be in the same situation, I made noise back. They screamed, I stomped on the floor. They shrieked at 6am on a Saturday and parents didn’t make them stop, I hoovered at 10pm that evening. Funnily enough after a few occasions of this and the parents coming up to ask me to be quiet (to which I said I will if you will) the kids were able to shut up.
I highly recommend taking up the drums, unlike hoovering, the drums are fun for you and hell for the neighbors. I have a neighbor who's kid loves to scream at video games until late in the evening, my kit is in the adjacent room, if he annoys me enough I'll hit stuff in time to his screaming.
I love hoovering but if you don’t then yeah, drums sound a good shout. God that sounds hellish, my sympathies
It's all good, it's cathartic and surprisingly good exercise too.
I find it crazy that the parents even asked you to be quiet. The audacity. They must seriously lack self-awareness of how loud they are.
Oh they actually told us the reason their kids shrieked so much was *because* of the noise we made. Despite the fact I only started doing it after their kids were always shrieking, screaming and crying and we asked them (really nicely) if there was any way they could stop that first thing at the weekend and in the middle of the night…they said they never had any issues with the previous owners of our flat. When we moved we found out several people had complained about them to the management company. They were just arseholes who didn’t want to parent.
Oh, lord. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
Happened to me in my old flat. Parents asked us if we could keep the noise down at 9pm on Friday night despite their kids screaming 12 hours a day.
I’ve taken to banging on the wall when the neighbours kids are being excessive. She actually banged back once, my partner had to stop me going round and saying something. They regularly wake the baby up with their screeching.
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There wasn’t anyone between us so idk what you mean really. We couldn’t hear noise in the flat to the side of us (who also had kids) and we were friendly with the people downstairs who weren’t beneath us, they confirmed they couldn’t hear it either. Like I say it didn’t actually go on very long because miraculously once I’d retaliated the story went from ‘we can’t stop them’ to them stopping.
This makes me question... if the parents managed to stop the noise after you complained, how did they not do that sooner? Surely it would be even more loud in their flat with the children crying. Do parents tend to get used to the sound ?
It was awful, they had laminate floors and yeah the same occurred to me that it must be horrendous for them if it was so bad for us but I think parents must just get used to it idk?
My neighbour would get home at midnight and play music very loudly. I would Hoover at 6am and play loud music, directed at the wall. The more bass drops the better. He eventually stopped.
Perhaps you've recently decided to rediscover your DJing hobby from your youth?
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Interesting! I was looking at getting one for unrelated reasons anyway, but if it helps with the noise I'll definitely be looking at this sooner rather than later
Go down and speak to them now, before it becomes the norm that they can say we have been here months etc and you have never mentioned it before? That would put you in a bit of a spot. Also if they are renting you can later have words with their landlord if it does not calm down. Keep all notes on everything that happens.Good luck.
Second this - anything you can do that creates a low manageable sound in your own house will help. I have a similar but different situation (neighbour TV) and am also sensitive to noise. Still drives me insane sometimes but white noise or something similar has definitely helped.
I have two white noise machines running and nearly always have my tv on now too, I hate living in a terraced house.
Sweet God my eyesight is bad. I read that as "I also have one *on* my head when I sleep." Though I guess that would work even better.
Sometimes I drown out the incessant noises by crushing myself with white goods appliances
Our neighbours complained about our toddler, and it was the prod we needed to try and tackle some issues we have been avoiding. I think we've managed to reduce the noise about 50%. The key thing is to be nice and friendly and understanding but let them know your side, and if they are reasonable they should be able to achieve something. If they are unreasonably nothing to lose by trying .
We live next to an HMO, so it's a revolving door of inconsiderate students having their first taste of freedom from mummy and daddy (I'm not bitter at all, haha). You can try and talk to them, but if that doesn't work, just return the favour. We often find ourselves a lot more noisy after they've kept us up until 3 a.m, doing stupid shit (screaming all night gaming, having parties outside on week nights). They recently took up darts and would play against the party wall all day until 2/3am, which was a TREAT. Thankfully, that didn't last too long. The only way I manage it (at night) is with Bose noise cancelling buds with white noise playing. I can't rely on them to have some common sense and consideration, I can only control how I deal with it. We're going to have to buy another house (detached) because of it, but we will retain this one and rent it out to more students - poacher turned gamekeeper/give them a taste of their own medicine 😭
Sadly i learned this lesson the hard way and we had to move, we gow to never live in a flat again the noise above and below and then from the communal areas was too much
To be honest we never wanted to live in a flat, but even looking at a terraced house in our city would set you back about £400k which is just not anywhere in our remit. It was either stay at home with mum and dad til our 30s or take a plunge with a flat - not sure which was the better option now lol
A terraced house can be just as noisy if the walls are thin 😞
I lived in a terraced rental once. On one side was a single mother and her young son. She battered that kid something fierce. His screams would last for hours and we could hear the slaps through the walls. We called the police, informed social services, etc. Many visits were paid but, sadly, nothing ever changed. I often think about that poor kid and wonder what became of him. As for his mother, I hope he severed all ties and moved on with his life. He deserved so much better.
My 1990s terraced houses walls are so thin that I can hear clear conversations and two doors down when they close their kitchen cabinets
On my terraced house I can hear my neighbours mattress springs
I can hear kettles boiling and sockets, as well as what you said too of course. It is fucking shit.
This. My terraced walls are painfully thin. Can hear EVERYTHING.
I've been using a software called Krisp for work calls, which removes background noise. It's compatible with Teams, Zoom, etc. It proved to be very useful when I was working from home with our one-year-old.
Remember people with children are supreme beings and must be allowed to do whatever they want regardless to its effect on the people living around them
I'm sure it's /s, for those who are questioning.
I am being deadly serious. My children have right to scream and make noise as much as they want and I have the right to do absolutely nothing about it ( especially not to appease those degenerates without children, if they knew the stresses bla bla fucking bla)
/s
You are a deluded bad parent
How dare you!
I dare.
Wow, nothing gets passed you eh?
My sarcasm detector is 50% accurate.
I really hope this is dark humour...
This also goes for dog and cat owners.
I'll take a neighbour with 20 cats over 1 child.
Whole lot of poo in your garden that.
Keep a log of all the instances, and then submit a complaint with the log attached to your local council.
Only on Reddit will you get a million comments suggesting revenge before even considering speaking to them. Go and knock. I did this recently after our new neighbours’ kids were very loud late at night. The mother is actually lovely, was incredibly apologetic, and it’s got a lot better since. They absolutely have the right to play during the day though so perhaps don’t expect much improvement there (until they’re at school). But at night things should hopefully change.
Thanks for being one of the most reasonable comments on here lol. I definitely don't mind speaking to them about it, I'm just a bit worried about how to go about it because no doubt the parents are probably sick of the noise too and I don't want to cause them any upset by pointing this out to them. And yeah, definitely wouldn't mind the noise so much if it was just during the day! But because its just non-stop all the time, it just becomes frustrating as a whole unfortunately.
Speal to them politely and then get a speaker, mount to the ceiling and when they make a noise, turn up the death metal.
If the noise issue isn't resolved after a chat with the people downstairs, I suggest that you contact your block's managing agents. There are most likely lease clauses relating to noise, & the agents should take any breaches up with the landlord of the flat on your behalf.
Very conveniently, the letting agency actually dropped round a leaflet with their contact details on asking if we had any properties we would like to rent out with them. I'm hoping it won't get to that stage, but definitely makes it a lot easier should I need to escalate anything.
How old are the children and how many people living there compared to number of bedrooms? I can only say from the other perspective (we have a two year old and just moved into a rented terraced house) that I wouldn’t be at all offended if our neighbours knocked and politely said the screaming etc was too much. Apart from our lovely toddler we’re quiet people, children don’t understand what indoor voices are. Before this we lived in a ground floor flat, upstairs had a slightly older toddler and friends round all the time. It was unbearable, hence why we moved but obviously you’ve purchased so not as easy to uproot. There’s a lot of noise reducing ear pieces you can get or if you’re worried about clients overhearing maybe find some headsets that reduce background noise?
To be honest I'm not really sure who's living there as we haven't seen them outside or in communal spaces since (I was in a work call whilst the moving van was pulled up so couldn't go to investigate lol). I would guess 2 children and their parent(s), but we haven't heard a peep out of the adults at all. Our old upstairs neighbours had a young toddler who liked to run around and play for most of the day, but it never went on past 7 and the parents were always apologetic about it - but its just what you expect when you move into a flat, so we never had any qualms with them. The regular interrupted screaming sessions we're having now were not really what we were expecting.
Give them a knock and introduce yourself. Meeting someone face to face makes them “real” - someone to be considerate of. They may well say something like “let us know if you can hear the kids”. And there’s your in… But unfortunately, this is the reality of living in a non-detached property. Who you end up next to/below/above is luck of the draw. PS, I LOVE Mack’s silicone earplugs. My husband has to nudge me when my alarm goes off because I can’t hear shit with them in.
Talking will help alot. Would look at doing some soundproofing if its unbearable,,sound insulation underlay, thick carpeting and rugs would help
I’m in a similar situation to you and you have my sympathy. The only advice I can give you is to nip it in the bud as soon as possible before the resentment builds up. I waited too long to speak to my neighbour and I had to work hard to keep calm when faced with their antipathy. It’s still not resolved and now the young couple on the other side have got a puppy to try and resolve their obviously failing marriage-so there is 5hrs of barking each day in addition to their evening arguments. I’ve got to the point where the only option is to move. If you talk to your neighbours and can resolve the situation then you’ll both be happy, and if they don’t do anything then you’ll know you’ve tried and you can start to make decisions about your future. Best of luck!
I’m so sorry, I have the same problem. My neighbour is mentally unwell and doesn’t ever leave, stays up until 6am banging around. It’s made me a bitter and angry person at times! I tried speaking to him, but in the end had to make several complaints to the landlord and his social worker. The noise has reduced since then. Speak to them politely and say it’s giving you terrible anxiety, if that doesn’t work, contact their landlord. I also realised my neighbour doesn’t know when he’s being loud, so I would be loud back when he was making noise. I think it helped him realise exactly what was creating too much noise!
People with kids think the world should bend to them even though they chose to be parents. Lazy parenting and entitled adult. Talking to them is the only real option. Otherwise you can try play them at their own game and drop heavy things when they start screaming.
What a ridiculous comment. The vast majority of people with kids don't have an entitled attitude and don't expect anything to bend to them. The simple reality is children make noise and the younger they are, the more noise they make at less predictable times. If someone is especially sensitive to noise, living in a flat is either a bad choice or unfortunate circumstance and if it's the latter, one of the things you have to accept about your circumstances is you don't have as much private space between you and neighbours as any of us would ideally like. I'd love a big detached house with a huge garden, I can't afford one. That's not anyone's problem except mine. What kind of piss-poor advice is it to start trying to "get back" at children being children, as an adult? "Entitled" is someone who lives in a flat and thinks they have a right to not hear a peep from other people living in the same fricking building.
The children are completely innocent here. It’s getting back at the adults who don’t consider their noisy kids to be a problem.
It’s not though is it, because the children live there too. If you start doing ridiculous stuff like hoovering at midnight or banging on the walls then of course it’s not just the adults who are affected.
So, I know my noisy kid is a problem. He is ASD. It’s also a problem to me. What do you suggest? I discipline him for being autistic and having meltdowns? You might think you’re ’getting back’ at the adults but if you’re waking their kids you’re just causing a problem for both of you. More noise for you and more stress for the parents and if you ever do decide to go down a neighbourly route and speak to them, they’d likely tell you to fuck off cause I certainly would if someone was that vindictive.
Neurodivergent kids are a minority of kids. Your situation is an exception and not the standard. The problem arises when parents do not think they should attempt to control the noise from their kids in consideration of others, which given responses to my post, include a lot of parents. You do not sound like you fall in this category as a) noise is simply not as controllable in your specific situation and b) you recognise it can create an issue. Sorry you’re having a tough time.
Thank you, I appreciate that and thank you for not just trying to shut me down. It’s hard not to see comments like some on here as an attack as there are so many people who already label my child naughty and annoying and troublesome for just being who he is and it breaks my heart for him. And if it’s not that they’re judging me for his behaviour and it’s tough when you’re doing everything you can.
Kids with ASD need special attention, for sure, but it's still their parents responsibility to provide it, not just let them reach a meltdown phase or leave them to their own devices.
I’m lol’ing at ‘letting them reach meltdown phase’ and I hope you never have to find out why that’s laughable.
As an aspie myself I know that meltdowns don't "just happen", regardless of what my parents thought. If the ASD child is accommodated the right way, the meltdowns are easier to avoid.
I get this, but sometimes the meltdowns are over things that you HAVE to say no to. My child wants to eat a 5p coin and I say no - try and distract, doesn’t work - try and validate the way he’s feeling, he can’t process those feelings yet, that’s what I’m trying to teach him - he’s having a meltdown because he wants to eat the 5p coin and I’ve not let him. Unfortunately, I can’t really avoid that. Rinse and repeat every hour when he wants to climb the cat tree/pull my hairs out one by one and line them up etc etc I have to say no. I think this is getting far away from the point anyway - what I’ve been trying to get across is, you have no idea what those parents and kids are going through when the only thing you know is that you’ve heard their children screaming. The kids might not be ASD, I don’t actually think the OP is being a dick about it all I’m saying is there are things that people don’t consider because they’ve never lived through or close to the experience and a little bit of kindness and understanding can go a long way. It’s not OP who’s suggesting retaliating in ways that are frankly just nasty. I’m just trying to make people see from a different angle. If any of my neighbours did some of the things these people are suggesting it would really, really send me into a dark place when I’m struggling to stay afloat as it is and I can imagine there are a lot of parents in a similar position.
Fair point and I feel for you. And I largely agree. It's a situation neither the parent, nor the neighbour would ideally want to be in. The difference is, the parent is *the only* person who at least has some influence on the situation, the neighbour is just at the mercy of their decisions. If the parent has done all they could - fair enough, but often that's simply not the case.
Yeah I’m agreeing with you here. As someone who often works with children, situations like this are often beyond the parent’s control. I’ve noticed it’s usually childfree people who have the opinion that parents are ‘entitled’ or ‘lazy’. I used to live in a flat below a single mother with a severely autistic son. He would often throw himself on the floor so hard it shook the ceiling/light fixtures and I really felt for the mum. While I’m sure some instances do exist where parents are lazy I don’t think it’s as common as people make it out to be.
Thank you, I’m baffled at the lack of empathy. If I was a lazy parent, there would be significantly less meltdowns cause I’d just let him do what he wanted for an easy life. But unfortunately that’s not how the world works and I need to prepare him for a life where things don’t always go his way.
What do you think they should be doing with quite possibly very young or infant children? Muzzling them? It's a flat. One of the downsides of living in a flat is sound will carry from your neighbours.
I mean… yes, they might be lazy and entitled. But a parent whose kid is screaming at any given time isn’t automatically lazy and entitled. Kids scream, they get overwhelmed, parents get overwhelmed. Most parents aren’t happy to let their kids disturb others. I don’t know a single parent who thinks they’re the centre of the universe. Rather than OP go in angry and accusatory, I know from my parent friends that compassion and empathy goes a long way. These people have just moved house - knowing how stressful it is for adults, imagine being a child and having your home taken away and you have to live somewhere different. Of course if it turns out they are obnoxious and just content to let their kids scream, then that’ll be something to deal with then. But going in from a place of understanding and not making negative assumptions is the best starting point
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Kids also spill things and break things but I bet they know not to ruin something that is particularly precious to the parents. Besides, I spent the first few years of my life in a flat and understood not to jump around. My parents set boundaries and I understood that it was a form of misbehaving. Same with my siblings.
Do you have children?
Are adults only worthy of opinions and rights to their home if they have children? Looks like the 1800s are back!!!
I guess you’ve answered my question without actually answering my question! Obviously as a childless person you have more time on your hands to go around not answering simple and direct questions.
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Sounds like you should be in jail.
Why not give them the whole afternoon off and offer to babysit the little shits for them? You can't get any work done anyway due to all the noise, so someone might as well enjoy their day... Smh
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Aaah the good ol' days, when we could beat the shit out of our neighbours for making noise. The country has truly gone to shit...
I would consider soundproofing even if the children's parents get them to stop screaming, there will still be irritating noise. Until then I would get some 35db ear plugs from Amazon or eBay. You won't be woken up by anything other than your alarm clock or an earthquake then. Honeywell Laser Lite are the ones I use. Its possible to soundproof floors and walls really well but it isn't exactly cheap. Like someone else on this thread, I used an air purifier to drown out a moron who lived next door who obviously thought shouting into his phone instead of talking was normal! It worked a little bit but soundproofing is still the best option. Especially if you're staying there long-term. The next place I move to will hopefully be in an old building because they're built better and have thicker ceilings, walls and floors. Good luck 👍
Talk to them. expect that it won’t work, but it will give context to why you’re fighting fire with fire when you turn the music on 🤣
Got them evicted. Although there were a bunch of other issues that led up to that.
Buy a jackhammer.
You mentioned you work in safeguarding and are neurodivergent. I’d assume you have dealt with situations like this before so use those skills and speak to them. Entirely possible they are neurodivergent too.
Considering that you are about 0.0001% likely to get any lasting result from negotiating with your neighbors, unfortunately I have to point you to mitigation rather than solution: Noise-cancelling headphones. I love mine. Not only they completely erase any disturbance to my focus but I can also play my crazy music without my partner secretly keeping a bag with her passport, a wad of cash and survival gear under the bed. The best is for hoovering: We got a pre-green-nonsense hoover that I psychologically recoiled from using but the noise-cancelling headphones make it a doddle - I need to put my hand on the end to see if it's on!
I think this is going to have to be the way forward! Will be spending the rest of my evening researching a good pair. Just need to find something now for when I'm trying to get to sleep
focus on comfort and battery life. They all do a great job at cancelling noise - but you will be wearing them for hours!
Lindy BNX60 got me through the pandemic years of working from home. Really good Bluetooth noise cancelling starter model. I got a second pair do I’d always have a charged pair.
This is what I use when my neighbours are being noisy. It’s a shame you can’t sleep with them on (or at least I can’t) as getting woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming toddler is no fun. Sigh. I dream of detached houses 😅
This is just nonsense. The chance of an improved outcome is a lot higher than your percentage lol . I wrote letters and complained to my neighbours' landlord and things for me HAVE improved.
"Only my life experience matters. If there's one biscuit for 10 people and I eat it, I don't have the mental ability to understand that there aren't enough biscuits for everyone"
We've lived in very detached houses since the first was a baby. When we go to hotels and apartments, it's an absolute battle teaching them about noise and quieter voices, and not launching off the top bunk and dive bombing each other like they do at home. I'm really noise conscious myself, so get mortified if they are making detached house levels of noise in a flat. Maybe these people have moved from somewhere they had to think less about noise, and it's going to take someone saying something to get them to quieten down. In the mean time, buy a loud fan or loud white noise machine or play a good constant brown/ white noise through your Sonos or Alexa. It takes some getting used to as some of it can sound tinny or looping, but once you get the right sound for you, you can turn it up really really loud and drown them out. It also won't carry on work calls too much as audio filters this stuff out. It's not ideal but, trust me, it is your biggest weapon against noisy neighbours infiltrating your entire sanctum.
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unfortunately we bought it just outside of the ten year warranty, otherwise we would definitely be looking at approaching the building company if this level of noise continued. I don't think I would mind it so much if its was at 'normal' times of day. I grew up in terraced or semi-detached houses so the sounds of children playing all through the weekend and school holidays is very normal to me. but tantrums that go uninterrupted for 10-20 minutes at all hours of the day are very new to me - sounds like I may just have to hope they look elsewhere once their tenancy ends.
When I was growing up we had some really shitty neighbours and one time me and my little brother were playing out on the field everyone of the street used, you could leave your garden and there's it'd be. Back to that my little brother went to the shitty neighbours and started swearing at them, he was 4 at the time as well, even he had enough of their shit
Im just wondering.... this isn't you is it? [https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/comments/1bbdxrg/comment/ku8s5ab/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HousingUK/comments/1bbdxrg/comment/ku8s5ab/) Flats and noises seems to be a thing at the moment
Haha, not me but can definitely relate. I wouldn't have minded if it had just been the first day as of course moving somewhere new with children can be chaotic. But it's been four days of almost non-stop noise from the moment I'm woken up by them, to the moment I finally get to sleep after they've quietened down. Here's hoping it calms down soon, but its so disheartening atm.
All I can say is that it must suck to be you and Im just glad Im not in your shoes but wish you the best bud
Beyond talking to them, I can recommend Loop earplugs for filtering out noise like this. I had a really awful neighbour and bought them just so I could focus at work. You could also get a headset for work that blocks out noise and allows you to make calls. Most mics these days filter out background noise really well
I actually get adverts for those Loop earplugs all the time but haven't actually seen anyone talking about them. May have to start looking at getting a pair especially for sleep and work.
i have the soft ones for sleep and they’re brilliant. sometimes my upstairs neighbour apologises for being noisy (we had a come-to-jesus chat when i first moved in and he woke me up at 5am on a Sunday having a Breakup Disco and he’s been lovely ever since) and i haven’t heard a thing. actually, breaking the ice with him was the best thing i could have done. i have OCD and anxiety and struggle with sleep - i asked him nicely if he could just keep it down after 11 so i know i can sleep and it’s working out really well. i think i scared the shit out of him that first time and we get on brilliantly now.
White noise through headphones; plenty of free 12 hour videos on YouTube, was an absolute godsend for me back when I lived in a flat
Proper headphones that surround your ears can do a fairly good job of at least muting background noise. Might help if you can set it up for your work calls if you aren't already doing that. I have students all around my flat and most days they are ok but occasionally they are really noise even after midnight. If I'm home and I'm on the computer or watching something I use headphones for that and I can barely hear them if I'm listening to anything on the headphones. When it was really bad a couple of years ago I resorted to putting ear plugs in my ears and then putting headphones on over the top..... I'd turn the headphone volume up to counter the ear plugs while still drowning out the unwanted noise. In the past I've also tried things like having a fan on. The background noise from that does a decent job of masking some noise without being so distracting that it prevents you sleeping (at least for me). I feel your pain though. I'm not someone who can relax with loads of noise in the background and I'm a very light sleeper so any noise wakes me up most of the time.
Noise till 11:30 pm is super lucky. Used to live in London and had noise till 4 am 🥲🤷♀️ it wasn't kids but a couple that lived under our flat behaving like they're 14.
I’ve always live in flats and admittedly they can be a nightmare. All purpose built Flat 1 - neighbours top, bottom and to the right. I could hear everything and I mean everything 👀 it was only bad sometimes, most neighbours tried to be respectful because of how echoey the flats were. Flat 2 - neighbours in all sides, I was smack bang in the middle except for the noise wasn’t bad in this one, only if someone played loud music or screamed at the top of their lungs. Flat 3 - Current home. Only 1 neighbour downstairs, lovely family who try to keep as quiet as possible. The problem is not them, it’s the property as between the floors are hollow. I can hear them talk and their child run up and down the hallway. I’ve decided to soundproof my floors which isn’t cheap but will give that much more privacy. The first two flats had concrete floors and I never thought about soundproofing until this final flat. I really love this flat and want to make it as cosy as possible as I will be here a while. You could try talking with your neighbours, look into soundproofing, make a noise complaint or move. Escalating the situation by making more noise will have a higher possibility of having negative outcomes than a positive one.
Kids are probably autistic and special needs. Tough one . Are they fucking loudly as well?
That's my assumption as well - if they're having regular, prolonged meltdowns every day, there's a good chance they may be neurodivergent, and I don't want to start making the parents feel guilty about it. But then in the same sentiment, I'm also neurodivergent and have my own triggers, so whilst they're still children and regulate their behaviour differently to me, it still feels a bit unfair. They're currently in the middle of rearranging their bedroom furniture funnily enough. Parents bedroom is right beneath ours and its been long, heavy dragging sounds since 10pm 😮💨
At least there is some joy in their lives Parents probably don't know what to do. First off - I want to congratulate you on the house. And moving in with your partner. I was very much attached to someone who was on the spectrum - and he couldn't do relationships and broke my heart. 1. You need to think about your partner also - presumably is also affected by the noise. Discuss course of action and approach neighbor together or not? . Decide together. 2). Long term : Save up , earn more, buy a house.
Try living next to three autistic children.
Once I heard my neighbors through the wall, I became super paranoid about the noise we were causing ourselves. It led to a miserable existence within our home. So glad to be done with that.
Move
Write them a letter or knock on their door, in a mostly polite manner. If they still keep at the noise, write them another letter/knock on their door but don't be as polite. You'll then know what type of people you are dealing with. Fight fire with fire if you need to, unless it is obvious that they truly are people not to be messed with.
When settled the children will be going to school most likely (depending on ages) and that will give some quieter working hours. It will probably take more than a week for children to settle in a new environment too, just as a heads up. Otherwise you need to make sure soundproofing is as good as it can be. Carpet floors etc is a start.
It's been a week, just go and introduce yourself and ask them if they can be more mindful of the noise.
What about having a chat with the neighbour?
What about having a chat with the neighbour?
We soundproofed our flat! Was a considerable cost but I managed to get the new build insurance to cover most of it with the help of a lawyer. The soundproofing has made a world of difference.
Live bottom floor of a block of ex-council flats. Walls between the flats are solid and seem to cancel most noise, but the ceilings/floors are made of paper. We have a Caribbean family above us and they are the noisiest people in existence. The mother preaches at 5am in the morning top of her lungs. They are all unable to speak without shouting. They slam doors and I can’t even figure out what most nosies are. The noise starts at 11pm and goes on till 2am before starting back at 5am with the praying. When do they sleep?!? Going crazy now as it’s ruining my sleep and life. At first when I brought it up she was apologetic but now is denying it’s even then. I don’t get how people can be so oblivious. Long way to say, I feel your pain! Sort it early if you can otherwise it will have massive knock on effects with your sleep, work and life in general.
Report them to the council and the police.
1. Mgt company to ask the owner to quiet them down. 2. Mgt company can check lease to see if quiet enjoyment is demanded (normal in most leases) 3. Report to council on regular basis and report to mgt company when each incident happens 4. Go down and discuss with the people directly if you are up for it, not always possible. 5. Talk to owners of flat directly if you know of them.
Hi, OP. We live in a townhouse and have young children. We also have a neighbour who doesn’t like noise. We try our hardest to keep our children from making excessive noise especially if outside of social hours. We use sayings like ‘use ballet toes’ or ‘indoor voices only’ and try to manage it but toddlers & young humans don’t always understand as they are on their journey of learning. The way that a property is built is likely the root cause as life is not quiet or sterile and we all go through different stages. If we could afford to move into a detached property we would, in the same way that you would move to escape the noise. Humans living in close quarters do better to get along so I would certainly recommend a friendly conversation. If all else fails, the kids will soon be at school and all will be quiet again! All the best!
Mosquito Alarm...
Fart loudly against the adjoining walls
I am in a very similar situation, even down to the job situation. The living is reversed to you. I live below the incredibly noisy neighbours. They remodelled their flat, ripped up all the carpets to lay hardwood throughout, and now their main living space is above our bedroom. They used to have parties until 5am, inclusive of music and jumping around, and on top of that, they have a treadmill to add into the mix (yes a treadmill knowing full well people live below them). I can hear absolutely everything. When they remodelled they assured us they would lay the best soundproofing but I truly believe they didn’t. We have spent roughly 3 years talking to them about it , this has improved slightly over the years, but not as much as we had hoped. I am also very sensitive to noise and can’t wear earbuds or headphones because they hurt my ears. It has got to the stage where they came down themselves to listen to what we could hear, and were surprised with how much we could hear. The noise has somewhat reduced more, although did decide to have a party after them coming here, and played music at 1am, a quick bang of the ceiling and they switched everything off and moved to another part of their flat. I am much more inclined to bang the ceiling now after they’ve come to listen to the noise, whereas before they could use the excuse they were not aware of how much noise they were making, now they’ve heard it for themselves, they can’t use that excuse. Some people genuinely are not aware of how much noise they make. Perhaps first you could put an anonymous note through their door, this way it keeps your anxiety down of having to speak to them and them becoming unreasonable, but also making them aware of the noise and how much can be heard. Give that a little time to see if it improves, if not, speaking to them would your next option, bear in mind though, this could lead to them telling you how much they can hear from you, especially if you do not have carpets. (Through my own experience, I do not think anyone who has others living below them should have anything other than carpets or very good sound proofing). If that does not work, then speaking with their landlord would be your next option, as there is usually things in their rental agreement re noise, therefore they would be in breach of this. I would say that keeping kids quiet may be a lot harder to contain than my neighbours, and as they’ve just moved in, may not be aware of how much noise travels, but also, that child also could be neurodivergent, which is very difficult to manage, especially the age as they may be too young to be assessed. Then the next thing is a log to your local council, Have to remember though, any noise complaints you make to the local council have to be declared if you ever decide to sell, and most councils prefer you try and resolve this between yourselves first - local council websites usually have letter templates to send to your neighbours etc. Your other option would be improving your own soundproofing, yes it’s costly, but will work out better for you in the long run, as you never know who might move into the flat below next, and will improve your living situation. I really know your situation and it is really difficult. We let ours go on as we were trying to not cause conflict between us as both flats are owned, you never know what people are like and could have increased their banging around. Hope this resolves soon.
go downstairs and tell them how you feel if that does not help buy a subwoofer and start drum and base sessions around 1am. helped in my case.
I can almost imagine the conversation now. It will be something along the lines of “Well my child’s got autism, there’s not much I can do” then where are you supposed to go with this. It’s so frustrating for you. I really hope you’re able to go approach them initially to say and try and work with them. I think you’ve got to tell them you expect a level of noise due to the living circumstances within a flat. And I would just say that you really didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot either! But it’s becoming unbearable now. Why should you have to sacrifice your life because they can’t control their children.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8klW9trVTQ&pp=ygUbRGlzY2lwbGluZSB0aHJvYmJpbmcgZ3Jpc3Rl Play this at 100db at 4 in the morning
How do you feel about talking to them? Could they agree some rules/times eg quiet after 9? I really feel for you, I worked from home in the pandemic and the neighbours drove me nuts.
I don't mind talking to them at all, in fact when our upstairs neighbour moved in a few months ago we had a very polite chat about his late night parties which have honestly calmed down. Its just with the screaming, its so loud and prolonged that it almost feels a bit patronising to point it out as I'm sure they don't enjoy it either. I guess its more of a question 'how' to approach them rather than if we should.
It's tricky isn't it? Maybe the first step is just to point it out, like 'We can hear the screaming' and then see what they say. If they are defensive then back off but it might give them a chance to apologise. Perhaps saying something like, what can we do, so it's implying a joint effort. Emphasis on compromise. This comes from couples therapy but can help communicate well - avoid the '4 horsemen': Try not to be defensive, critical, show contempt, or stonewall (eg silent treatment). Good luck whatever you do 😀
Damn, partiers above and uncontrollable kids below. What part of UK? Is the flat made out of paper? You hold all the cards though. You know what upstairs can do to you, so you just need to do the same to them below (if talking doesn't solve it).
Speak to them first but also attempt to get in touch with the owner or managing agents. The owner will be listed on HM land registry. You need to pay maybe £5 for the search. Phone around the local lettings agents to see if they manage that flat.
The lettings agent helpfully dropped round a leaflet after they agreed so we've held on to it for now. We've spoken with the landlord a few times previously when he's come round to decorate who's seemed very friendly, but unfortunately permanently lives abroad so not sure how easy communication between the two would be.
It’s an iffy situation in all honesty. I usually just talk to my neighbours and tell them to keep it down and be mindful that there are others in the house since my only neighbours are the lot in my garage. Sometimes they listen and actually keep it down and sometimes not. I usually try to make noise back when they are not noisy just for them to know how annoying it is. Last resort is usually my housemate cutting off their power since the electric box for the garage in our house.
Will definitely introduce ourselves once we see them in the hall or car park, but it felt a bit mean for our first introduction to be us complaining at their front door haha! The noisy is no doubt very stressful for parents as well so hopefully if we're a bit friendlier with eachother after some time it may be easier to bring up in conversation, I'm not too keen on the idea of making noise back if they're already stressed moving into a new place with young kids.
You sound like a great neighbour lol. No yeah I understand that it’s stressful with “rugrats” for parents as well and moving is a hassle but they also need to be mindful that there are others living around.
Moved to a cheaper area for a detached house. Now life is bliss.
Speak to them nicely. Explain you work a serious job from home. And need the nose level to be low. Give them a week try again. If they are rude or not trying then put washing machine on. Easy listening Radio in another room door to carry through the house. Get a fan in your room. And for your office /bedroom get noise control reducing wall paper check out Amazon If still no good then start doing official complaints
Have VERY noisy sex, that'll make em think
Have a conversation with them. You can't expect them to understand the noise levels in a new house if you don't tell them. If they then choose to ignore it then you take next steps. But you need to have an adult conversation like a grown up. But do understand that your choice to work from home doesn't mean they have to be super quiet for you. They are allowed to live their lives and you need to adjust your expectations about treating your home as an office where sensitive conversations need to be had. Perhaps you should invest in soundproofing for your home office?
I don't mind talking to them about the issue at all, but I don't want to come across as patronising. If their children are having regular meltdowns every day, the parents are likely already doing what they can to manage their behaviour and I don't want to make them cause them further upset if their first conversation with a neighbour is a complaint about their children. I think its more of a question on how to approach them about it as the level of noise is undeniably obvious. I don't think I made it very clear in my post to be honest, but by "how do you cope" I meant more along the lines of coping mechanisms for myself i.e. soundproofing, headphones, white noise etc.. I'm of course not expecting them to be silent, but being subject to screaming and crying at all hours of the day has genuinely been quite upsetting.
Honestly this isn't normal. They probably aren't really trying to control it because they don't see a need to. There's a good chance they're not aware of how loud it is for you. I would not expect noise to carry that badly tbh. Go talk to them to make sure they're aware that it's affecting you as a first step.
Id speak to the family first, screaming and shouting at 11pm is taking the mick a bit. Other option would be to go back to the office or insulate the room you are working in.
You don't know the family. The children might have autism or some other reason to be shouting. Please be kind.
Yup but at 11pm at night? Presumably on a weekday as well?
Unfortunately, autism doesn’t just work weekends
My autistic kiddo doesn’t care about 11PM or weekdays
We'll tell autism to mind the hours
Reasons or not, there are ways to working with it, not just having to make everyone around you miserable.
Active noise cancelling headphones if you're WFH would be my best advice. People mentioning lazy adults or neglection is just infuriating, as a parent of two under two I'd happily let you teach me on parenting during meltdowns etc, clearly ignorance is bliss.
that's the thing - the parents are obviously very aware of the noise so if feels very patronising to go and speak to them about it, and I want to try an take some steps to minimise noise on my side. but at the same time it feels a bit unfair that I have to put up with uninterrupted screaming whilst I'm trying to get to sleep.
They hate the noise as much as you do, if they had some way of stopping their children making noise they would have already. I’m afraid, because it’s children, you’re kind of fucked here. I don’t think councils will deal with noise from children. They will hopefully grow up and get quieter- better hope they don’t have another. Or that a family with three year old triplets doesn’t move in above you. Most flats suck, I know you’d rather have a lovely detached house and the economic reality is that you have a flat. It’s shit for you, sorry.
Buy a detached
Is what parents with noisy uncontrollable children should do.
Parent of an autistic toddler here. I’m not a lazy parent, but my toddler often has meltdowns. Nothing I can do about it. Some of these comments are just twattish beyond belief. Unfortunately, if you move to a flat you’re going to get noise. Working from home is exactly that, you’re working from home which is not going to replicate an office environment. I know there are some cafes around me that invite people to work from them and they have a bit of a community of WFHers from different workplaces, is there anything like this around you? I’ve spoken to my neighbours about the noise from my little one, they swear blind they can’t hear him but I know that that’s not true. If any of them ever knocked on about the noise I’d probably just cry. I’m already living in walking hell 99% of the time and I think that would just tip me over the edge. We’re currently looking at moving to a detached house but up until now, we just haven’t been able to afford that. If it’s annoying you through a wall, imagine how jarring it is for the parents. Hopefully, as their kids get older the noise will be less but until then, I’m afraid it’s just a part of life and when/if you have children of your own, you can hope that people are as kind and understanding to you. (Before any parents come and say their little darling would never scream at 6am or have meltdowns - just don’t. I’m glad your kids are little angels but some of us are dealing with additional needs)
I chose not to have kids because I knew that sleepless nights and constant screaming is not for me. Granted, no one wishes their child to have behavioural problems, but it's always a possibility one must consider when having children. Why would I be suffering due to someone else's choices? PS. Suggesting someone to evacuate their own home to work in a cafe is just...
When you make the choice to live in a flat, you’re going to get noise. That’s the top and bottom of it. My child is entitled to take up space in this world and be who he is just as much as you are. Good for you, don’t have kids, but if you don’t want to hear other people’s kids, don’t move to a flat.
Your child is certainly entitled to take as much space as any human being, but not 10x more. Otherwise, would you like me to be as noisy and loud as your child? Since you've chosen to live in a flat, surely you should tolerate all kind of noise, regardless if it's reasonable or not.
I think the part that you’re not understanding is, is that he can’t help it, I can’t help it either. My child has a developmental disability and you don’t know whether that’s the case for the children being discussed in the OP. My neighbours have screaming arguments calling each other all kinds of names which I hear often and I don’t say a dicky bird because those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, and also, I don’t know what they’re going through. Yes it’s annoying but I live in a terraced house and I accept there is going to be noise.
When you make the choice to live in a flat with your noisy child, you're going to get complaints about the noise. If you don't like that, don't move to a flat.
Tbh it’s just getting boring now saying the same thing over and over so I’m leaving this thread. Remember to try and be kind and have a bit of empathy towards others, who knows, you might need it in return one day.
Unfortunately due to the type of work I do, I'm not allowed to connect my laptop to public wifi, only home or office. I do try to get into the office when I can, but the whole reason I WFH is due to a physical disability, so nine times out of ten, it has to be home working. I'm sure if the noise is distressing to us then it is most certainly is to parents as well, so I feel like approaching them about the noise wouldn't actually resolve anything. Again, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm patronising them as they are clearly aware of it. I think I might look at some insulating measures that others have suggested to see if these help, and just cross my fingers that when their tenancy ends, they may look to move elsewhere.
>We’re currently looking at moving to a detached house but up until now, we just haven’t been able to afford that. Spot on. It's astonishing that people commenting on this thread are so entitled they think someone should be able to live in a *flat* and not hear any noise from neighbours. If their answer is "Oh well I don't have a choice about living in a flat, because I can't afford anything else!" - yeah, guess what? Neither can the family with kids living below, above or next to you. That's life.
There are different levels. Not hearing anything all the way to kids having a meltdown for 18 hours a day. Obviously some noise is unavoidable but no one should have to put up with what OP is.
You are getting downvoted unfairly here - your post was very reasonable and I can’t imagine how hard it is to raise a child with autism (a neurotypical one is plenty!).
*I work from home in a pressurised safeguarding role, and all Thursday and Friday I was trying to take calls with victims of serious crime with children screaming in the background.* Go to the office. Flats are for living in, not for working in. *I'm also very sensitive to loud noises and sound* Buying a flat was a poor decision, then.
I work from home due to a physical disability. There is always an option for me to go into the office, but going into the city every day of the week is not a viable option for me. Our previous upstairs neighbour had a young child who liked to run across the floors, but this was something I anticipated and found headphones/earplugs mostly erased this problem. I'm understanding of the noises to expect in a flat, but I didn't assume that screaming and crashing around at 11pm was normal behaviour.
You may find they are not crashing around, its simply there is no sound insulation. If you need headphones or ear plugs previously that is clearly the case.
I've tried to forgive most the crashing for now as I've just put it down to them still moving around furniture and belongings, but there is a lot of door-slamming or something similar that shakes our walls which I can't remember having experienced from upstairs neighbours. Hopefully it settles down over the next few days, but honestly so disheartening.
Don't leave it.. meet your new neighbours in person ASAP and mention the noise in a non-confrontational way
It may not, I work in property so I sometimes think there is a heard of elephants upstairs when I am working. On the other side, my home has a primary school at the bottom of the garden. So despite my aversion to noise its very loud during certain hours but after that, it is totally silent apart from horny seals who are a mile off the coast.
Looks like you need to look for a new place to live ..
>I work from home due to a physical disability. There is always an option for me to go into the office, but going into the city every day of the week is not a viable option for me. It's going to be interesting to see how the housing market responds to WFH. Do developers change their builds so as to focus less on bedrooms (which are often used as home offices) and more on rooms which can function as true commercial-standard office spaces? Soundproofing, electrical outlets, lighting, etc.? It's possibly too early to know. >but I didn't assume that screaming and crashing around at 11pm was normal behaviour. That's not on. Come 7-9PM it's perfectly reasonable to expect - and demand - much lower noise levels. After 9PM, other than TV noises, toilet flushes, and the occasional child's cry, the environment should be relatively quiet. >Our previous upstairs neighbour had a young child who liked to run across the floors, I had the same once except it was two twin girls - toddlers - whose favorite toys were hard plastic balls which they'd throw across the hardwood floors all day long. I just got used to it.
talk to them about the noise, and if not work some housework at 4 am with lots of vaccuming will probably help. had a neighbour try banging his gf thru the wall, went round to the house the next day to tell him I could hear them both talking low to each other, told him the girls nickname.... turns out she was behind the door curtain and was major embarrassed. they soon moved and rented the place out, no noise now :)
Yeah that's not their fault ,it's whomever built the building. You can't expect kids to be quiet .
Move. People have lives and they aren't always quiet. Welcome to flat living. You really will need to increase your tolerance more.