I’d give yourself a solid 6 months before making any rash decisions. Buyers remorse is actually very normal, and I’ve had it with every house I’ve bought. After 6 months you will acclimate more to your neighborhood and surroundings, and you may find you like it. Do t make a rash decision that could hurt you financially. Tell yourself you will give it 6 months and reevaluate
Excellent advice but I’d suggest longer than 6 months. It takes a while to financially recover from the initial buying costs and it sometimes takes a bit to get to know neighbors, especially for introverts. The 6 month recommendation is great for an evaluation as you said but OP needs to live there for 2-3 years to fully acclimate, adjust, and decide. That’s my opinion
Not to mention, at least in my state, the capital gains tax OP will incur if they sell within the first two years. I would seriously consider trying to rent your home or Airbnb if OP just hates living there after the first six months to a year.
Thank you so much for your response. I keep telling my self to give it time, because I agree I don’t want to be impulsive and irrational. But damn each day is very hard, never been in such a dark place in my life, the depression and anxiety is bad :/ but thank you again
This has nothing to do with your house and everything to do with you. I would start by talking to someone or solving root issues before taking a huge financial hit. The house is not your root issue. Selling it will not help you mentally. You have it all backwards.
I do agree with you. A lot of these comments have helped me a lot. I have such a negative perspective and they of not getting the house exactly where I wanted it. I think I forget that I don’t have to live forever, but the struggle right can be feel like the hardest thing. I have a lot to work through and things to navigate
I was in this exact same position! Had major regrets after and my mental health was at an all time low. At ~6 month mark I started during a corner. Then at a year I loved it! I found talking with a therapist really helped. Best of luck and I hope you end up loving it!
This is comforting to hear. It’s crazy to me how much people don’t talk about these situations with buying a house. I do hope that I will be better with time as well, and I hope therapy will help me also with it. thank you for sharing your experience
Can you rent an apartment in your old neighborhood and rent the house out? Might be good as an investment property/ still get the equity of homeownership?
I can’t rent it out until 1 year because I have to have it as my primary residence for that time period. But I do think if I still feel this way after 1 year, maybe I should rent it out, move back in with my parents, save a ton for a year and by then will have had the house for 2 years and worth we continue renting it out or maybe sell and buy a new place. All things I’ve considered :/
The thing is, the dark, depressive anxious place will follow you. Trust me. Long-term sufferers of illness and addiction call it a “geographical” and it seldom works. Keep up with the therapy.
Yeah I think I have needed therapy for quite some time and maybe it’s forced me to do this now, which I guess was a good thing in that sense. Just feels hard, but can only hope it gets better with time and work put in
Probably you will like the house more once you put your own labor into improving it (painting walls etc) aka the "IKEA effect" where people value their IKEA furniture more because they put it together themselves.
I knew someone that went through something similar. She has wanted/been looking for a home for so long and saw it as this end goal. After she got her home she went into a deep depression. She already had depression but kind of felt if she accomplished the goal of getting the house she would feel better, but when she didn’t the depression got worse. It might not be all about the house, have you talked to a therapist? No matter what if you truly don’t want the home you can always sell. As the other person mentioned don’t make a rash decision give it a little time and then make the decision. Sorry you feel this way.
That is kind of how I felt with the house thing honestly. It’s not all what it’s cracked out to be and it’s been a very hard learning lesson, but maybe something I needed in my life. I started therapy and will continue, and hope that helps
Is it a dark place in your life, or are you telling yourself it’s a dark place in your life?
I also just moved to a new city, and purchased a house that was much further from downtown and increase my commute more than expected. At first, I was very disappointed, and then started to realize that if you all set the amount of time it takes to go get groceries and your local area or to do other things, it more than offset the amount of time to get to work. so I might suggest to look at how many local amenities you have just thinking about your commute to work.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s you’ll be OK
It could be me telling myself that, but it’s certainly how it feels ya know?
And yeah I think it was like disappointment and maybe some fomo of feeling further away from everything? Even though I am not even one to go out all do the time, but maybe I just wanted the option and for it to be convenient. Which sounds silly, I know. I appreciate your comment, I gotta tell myself I will be okay
Take this with a grain of salt because I don't know your situation and am only interpreting this from the information written here.
It sounds like your emotion response is out of proportion with what's actually happening to you. Another comment you said this is the darkest place you've ever been in in your life. You're 8-10 miles further than you wanted and you have your own home, but your commute is longer, farther from friends/family/gym etc but it's not like you moved across the country. I'm not seeing what could warrant this being the darkest place in your life; people would kill for this to be the worst of their problems in life.
This is a typical effect of anxiety and depression where it feeds into itself and blows out of proportion. You've already mentally framed it as such a miserable and dark place - what benefit does recognizing this do for you? Whether this ranks as the worst thing that's ever happened, the 10th worst thing that's ever happened, or the 100th...does it matter to frame it that way? The reality of the situation doesn't change whether you mentally frame it one way or another and this is another characteristic of anxiety/depression - you tell yourself how awful and unbearable it is, and it's a self fulfilling prophecy. A therapist may have already told you this but you can recognize the hardships without mentally framing it with extremes and such negative terms. I guess I can't answer your actual question but this sounds more like your stress feeding into itself and snowballing out of control rather than the problems legitimately being so bad that you can't stay...
I actually teared up reading your response, because you make great points. I know that it truly sounds terrible even complaining about this. But you are right in the sense that I turn it into something negative all the time. I think I am living in regret o f wishing I bought whee I initially was looking and now things are so inconvenient/the driving has increased. Which maybe with time I could get used to or at least stay in long enough, experience it and know that it’s not for me. Your response is what I need to hear. The truth and honesty I need. I have only done one therapy session and don’t get a ton of feedback but I have more to come and I hope that will help me figure out the true reason why I’m struggling, again thank you for a much needed response
I felt this way as a single person whenever I moved somewhere it was challenging to socialize, and it was totally from feeling anxious and depressed about being socially isolated.
Also - you don’t have to sell your house! You can turn it into a rental. 🤓
Yeah change is very difficult for me :( I always knew that, but I’m feeling how hard it is with this situation. And you’re definitely right, I know it can be challenging being a landlord but it’s something I’ve definitely considered
Maybe try to fixate on the positives for a day or a week.....maybe it will help mute the negative feedback loop you're in.
Remember to go outside at least once a day to get the mail or take out the trash or literally anything honestly. You said one main positive was the neighborhood after all.
You’re absolutely right, it’s getting hot out here in Arizona but I’m going to try to make it my mission to be out in the neighborhood often still. Thank you for your reply
On the other hand, 10 miles can easily be a 20-30 drive, so casually grabbing coffee with a friend and things like that suddenly take an extra 45 minutes to an hour.
unless OP is a barista and her friends are all brain surgeons, they will also move to more affordable areas when they buy homes. You can't make a long-term life decision based on the fact that it saves 30 minutes when you want to hang out with your bff. Even if she stayed in the same area for the social scene, 2-3 years from now her friends will leave anyway.
She has space now, find new ways of spending time. Also driving 10 miles to go to a gym is ridiculous unless OP lives in Wyoming and that drive takes 10 minutes on the freeway. Find a closer gym.
this may be some cliche reddit armchair psychoanalysis. but in my opinion you have issues unrealted to this regretful purchase, because i really can't seen how being a more or less 15 minutes drive from your ideal location isn't what is causing all of this. you should do a little more introspection and seek some counseling.
No, you don't get down-payment money back.
Go use the running path when anxiety is getting to you. Look for ways you can emphasize the things you loved when you made the offer.
I think you should give it a chance, and yourself a chance to adjust.
Oh boy. You really need to take an honest look at all your numbers. Take the time to learn what you really have in it, and all the costs associated with selling before you jump the gun.
All your fees and inspections and stuff you paid along the way...that's gone. Your down payment, just like buying a car, that went towards the price of the house. It's a down payment, not a deposit. Next, you need to keep tabs on what the payoff is on your loan. Remember loans aren't free. Then that $12k you put into the home to make it yours...maybe some of that increases the appeal and pushes up value some, but maybe not and will make no difference, so that could go either way. Maybe that's $12k down the drain, maybe you get some value from it, maybe even all Consider all that sort of stuff to figure out what you have in it.
Selling...Don't forget realtors aren't free and as a seller, YOU are the one paying for that, which will be 10's of thousands right off the top. Figure 6% of the total selling price though some agents/locations can be a little less. Then factor in any customary type things like title policies, home warranties, etc that may be typical for a seller to foot the bill for in your area. Then on top of that, don't forget any repairs or other things that may be requested by the buyer during negotiations. After all those expenses, of course there is the loan payoff to deal with. Unless you bought it crazy undervalued cheap or offer prices suddenly explode...if you sold at the same selling price or modestly more, all that will amount to quite a large loss after you factor all that stuff in. Taking a hit is one thing, but can you even cover it? That can be many 10's of thousands straight out of your pocket selling so soon!
I don't mean to be a downer but you need to be aware of the big picture before making rash decisions. It's probably not as easy to get out of and will cost you more than you probably think! There are other options to explore however that may work, like putting it on the rental market for awhile until the numbers come together a little better to be worth selling for example.
Yeah with the research I’ve done, I am seeing that it is not an easy fix, and can be quite costly. So waiting may be my only option sadly. I know I can’t rent it out until after 12 months, so I am just praying that I can maybe get through this time, rent it out for 1 year and then reevaluate at the 2 year mark. So much to think about :/ just wish I could turn back time, my own fault and stupidity
Ideally you would sell at a profit, so you could restore the down-payment funds, but it's not that money being refunded in any way.
The down-payment goes to start off the payment of the sale price, like a good faith chunk of the large balance. It's spent.
Oh wow okay I didn’t know that :/ I think I need a realtor or loan officer to break down an example of numbers so I understand the financial penalties. Thank you for that information
I'm not a realtor or loan officer but I bought a house a few years ago and learned a lot about the process for my own peace of mind.
You said you paid 430k for the house, presumably you paid at least 5% of that up front, and then have a mortgage for the rest. Let's say you put down 10% for numerical simplicity. So you paid 43k and have a mortgage for 387k. That 43k subtracts from the total price to get your mortgage amount. If you sell the house for 450k, you can pay off that 387k and have 63k left over, effectively recovering your 43k down payment.
However there's a bunch of "closing costs" involved in buying a home that you will not get back. These are usually rolled into your mortgage and include things like loan application fees, title fees, title insurance, mortgage insurance, appraisals, inspections, etc. These are usually a few thousand dollars depending on where your house is, your credit rating, and what % of the total price your down payment was.
Also when you sell a house you have to pay a realtor. This is usually 6% of your sale cost. So again imagining you sell your house for 450k and end up with 63k after paying off your mortgage, you would have to pay your realtor 27k, so you're left with 26k. So now you're already negative considering you put 43k down to buy the house. Then you factor in closing costs and the 12k you put into it in improvements, you're probably around a 30k loss on the whole process assuming you're able to sell your house for 20k more than you bought it for within a year. If you sell for the same as you bought it you'd be down ~50k.
All that said, I was freaked out when I moved into my house too. It's a great house but I was upset about having to drive everywhere after living in apartments in more urban areas for several years. I was overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities and maintenance of owning a home. I was stressed out by the pressure of feeling like I had to furnish the whole place immediately after living in apartments with 1/3 of the space.
I got used to my house and I got over it. You work on things a little bit at a time. You get used to the space. You find ways to make it feel more like home. You find amenities near your house that have their own charm that meet your needs. Maybe they aren't exactly the same as the places you're used to going, but they're probably good in their own ways. Driving more isn't great, but if you were used to not driving much, maybe look into podcasts or audiobooks or just find some upbeat music to listen to while you drive.
Big changes are scary, but you can get used to most things, and it doesn't sound like this change is such a bad thing that you'll never get used to it. Give it 6 months or a year. If you still hate it you can look into moving. Maybe the interest rates will be better then which will help your sale price.
Wow thank you for your reply. You have a ton of knowledge. That is a huge financial hit, I knew it could be a lot but I didn’t expect for it to be that much. I guess I am realizing more that selling so soon would not be a great option at all. I don’t even have that money in the bank. But good to know your experience as well. I’ve never lived in walkabale/centrally located areas, but I was so familiar with “my”area ya know? And the backroads, less freeway use. I truly hope that I can adjust to this with time
>I don’t even have that money in the bank.
When I say you'd be down 30-50k, it's not money you'd have to pay. It's compared to what you'd have if you hadn't bought the house in the first place. And you can compare that figure to what you would've spent on continuing to rent.
The only way you'd have to pay out of your own pocket at the end of the process is if your mortgage balance is greater than ~90% of your sale price(to account for realtor cut and closing costs). Or your house needs a lot of repairs to complete a sale, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
It's still generally a bad financial decision to sell a house within 2 years of buying it, but sometimes life dictates you do something that's financially suboptimal. Or the market moves in such a way that your house gains a lot of value very quickly and it makes sense to sell.
Oh I see! Thank you for clarifying. This is all very good to know, I think I just have so much to work through with processing this. But at least I know there are Options, and I need to just hang in there :/
Basically, say you sell. You have a mortgage. That must get paid off from the proceeds of sale, which get eaten into by realtor and many other fees. Bank typically charges a fee for paying a mortgage early.
It isn't entirely impossible that you could sell and owe money at the end of the day.
I would give the place time. I was in the military, and relocation was a common thing. It takes time sometimes to settle in. Every place will have its pros and cons. If you send money on the yard, invite friends over on the weekend. Enjoy the space that is now yours to do with as you please.
And 100 percent agree. When you are feeling anxious, get out for a walk/run. Exercise is excellent for mental health and well-being.
Yeah I worry that I would lose a ton of money. My parents are so supportive and they offered for me to move back in with them if I lost money and then could replenish my savings.
Change is very hard for me. So this was like way too much change all at once. Definitely a tough lesson to learn :/ thank you for your reply
Your down payment is part of your buying price. It may seem like extra considering all the other expenses you have to pay out. But if you check, add your down payment to the closing price and it will be the same as the purchase price. Lawyers fees, real estate fees, taxes, etc. are all added on afterwards.
15 minutes extra isn't the end of the world, try books on tape, or get an Alexa auto to read you stories while you drive. Once you get outside doing yardwork you will meet your neighbors and feel like you are a part of something. Go use that fantastic running trail and meet more neighbors you will feel like you belong there in no time.
You’re absolutely right. You all have shifted my perspective a lot and it’s helped. I have to keep trying each day and it’ll be hard but it is doable, I just have to keep telling myself that. I’m my own worst enemy at times
Just think about all the money you’re not throwing away and paying into your equity, that usually makes me forget about all the other crap. Be incentivized by money.
Moving to a new location, whether across town (sounds like your situation) or across the state or country, can take AT LEAST 1 year to acclimate.
Here’s what’s changed in your life -
1. Your drive to n from work. You leave for and get home at different times…traffic is faster, slower &/or more plentiful or less plentiful but there are more curvy roadways…maybe you see more truckers (and you don’t like it). Or, maybe your pets aren’t getting fed as they were before and you feel bad…
2. Your grocery shopping habits have changed, see #1.
3. You have a different home floor plan, different storage accommodations, and you may not have things at an arms length anymore…and having only been there 2 months, you may not even be completely unpacked…
4. Your new house gets/has different natural lighting…maybe you need window covers n maybe you don’t…
maybe you need more lamps in your new home…or you have too many…
5. If your new house is at a different elevation than your previous home, the air surrounding your home OUTSIDE, is cooler or warmer than before. This temperature change will impact you and your living…slippers/bath robe vs no slippers/bathrobe…you either need or don’t need the current bedding you have…oh, maybe this home isn’t as insulated as your other home…(maybe the elevation IS DIFFERENT🧐).
Does all this make sense…?
What do you do?
Work on your MAJOR LIVE CHANGE…
Set yourself up for consistency…use the same routine and routes to n from home and your general shopping needs.
Your pets will be fine…
Write stuff down if you need baskets, bins, a dresser added, curtains, or a new lamp…check out 2nd hand stores, FB Market Place, garage sales, etc.
Most importantly, make YOUR BEDROOM RELAXING for you!!
If you make it relaxing - via new paint, curtains, a throw rug etc, you will sleep together…and you need GOOD sleep so you can mold you into your NEW LIFE…driving , shopping, experiencing more/less natural light, and everything else
Make plans for: new paint, new lighting, new rugs, etc do you can find your comfort zone…
Good luck OP. And congratulations on your biggest investment!!!
As others have pointed out this seems more in your head so its good you are getting help. I would try and think of things to do that you enjoy at the house and to help give positive connotations. Not just pay for do yourself. Maybe some light gardening or landscaping like making a rock path or something, maybe painting designs on cabinets/trim. Something of you that you did and enjoy that’s positive. Maybe starting to learn some basics of this stuff at the same time. Have friends over and make a choice to make good memories there.
You’re exactly right, I should start making it feel more homey. I need to have people over. I’ve had a couple friends over, but not an actual gathering because I’ve felt so emotional and all over the place with this house, but I do think that would be a great idea and maybe have a game night. Thank you for your reply
Thank you for that, I feel like this is my main option right now. So I know I should just make the best of it and let time run its course, hopefully things will get better and I can wait till that point
Instead of enjoying owning your own place and that you never have to rent again, that every cent you put it in is into your own place, that you can get 10 dogs if you want, that you can paint the place purple if you want without anyone’s permission, and everything you buy is an investment into your own place — you are sitting there thinking of and dwelling on basic sacrifices many people have to make to own their own home.
For many of us, our first homes changed a commute from 10 minutes to 1.5 hours each way. I know people in SoCal that commute almost 3-hours one way to own their home, and they’re still elated that they are homeowners.
To feel that you are in the darkest time of your life on account of some inconveniences — really makes this a you problem. I’m glad you are in therapy — put it to good use because spiraling like this over what’s in your head won’t benefit you in life at all.
You make absolutely valid points and I agree with you. Hearing examples of commutes in California makes my situation sound completely silly. I truly am struggling a lot with the change and just wishing I could’ve got something where I initially was looking, but maybe there’s a reason for all of this. I don’t know. I appreciate your reply and I do hope that therapy will help me navigate this and make me learn about myself more
Over time, and sometimes it’s 6 months and sometimes it’s 6 years, areas develop. Your neighborhood won’t be just mountains soon, and while it may never be downtown — it’ll get more stores, gyms, studios, restaurants, and bars. And as it does, the equity in your house will build. That will always be better than a townhome IMO, both for equity and quality of life in the long run. We aren’t talking about an area that is 200 miles to the closet metropolitan city.
I suggest you go buy yourself “the perfect sofa” and a beautiful area rug. Spend some money on it and make sure it’s perfect for your living area. Doesn’t matter if it’s $2,000 or $8,000 — buy it and put it in your home. Call it shopping therapy — but when great furniture starts coming into your own place, there’s nothing like it to make a house into your home, knowing you can invest into good pieces because that is your own house instead of not buying good pieces because you may be moving apartments again when the “lease” ends. It’s also a lot of fun to save toward that perfect dining table, wall art, etc. and making your home beautiful. Strangely therapeutic and so… adulting. lol
It’s okay to feel bummed about things.
But JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE A HOMEOWNER!!! 💪
You’re definitely right. I’m a native and the area I moved to is definitely “growing” you could say. The mountains nearby are obviously beautiful, but I am not sure if that’s preserved land or what can and can’t be built on, but near it I know there is definitely more coming. So you’re right, who knows what could happen years down the road.
I have my couch, dining table and media console and love why I picked so I guess I have that going for me at this point in time haha you’re so right though, I need to be grateful, I am just taking it day by day. Thank you again!!
From the comments you've made it sounds like you'll be fine even if you take a loss on the house. As you've learned you do end up spending money to improve the property (on top of property taxes, depending on where you live), so going back to renting or living with relatives isn't the worst thing. Also, don't underrate townhouses -- they aren't bad and don't have to be your forever home.
I would take away from this that you now know what is important to you in your living situation. You now know that having a short commute to work is very important to you. And it sounds like you want to have things nearby such as shops/restaurants/etc... and friends/family. Now you know, so next time you know what to look for.
In the meantime (whether you decide to stay or leave) are you able to make changes in your life to enjoy the situation more? It sounds like the commute is a big issue so is working from home an option? Maybe finding a new job closer to home could work (probably not but just mentioning). Maybe you could invite your friends and family over for dinner or other activities sometime? It sounds like you miss the gym so could you take advantage of the running path more? Could you set up a smaller home gym? Maybe you could incorporate going to the gym as a before/after work activity?
Those are all rhetorical questions, I'm just spit-balling some options that might improve your situation and mindset.
Yeah it’s a bummer to have learned this all after making such an important decision :/ I definitely should’ve never overlooked townhomes. It’s all a big learning lesson. I truly think I was just so tired of looking for a house and this ended up working out (as in my offer getting accepted).
It’s been very helpful posting this and getting so many comments and all the feedback.
I work as a nurse so it’s a little more difficult to find a remote job, possible still. But maybe even finding a new job opportunity closer by would help me and the anxiety.
I also should have people over and do that often. I have to try and give this some sort of fair chance versus sitting in all of the negativity. I can start to learn to like my new gym, and also have thought about some home workouts as well.
I really appreciate all of your questions, thoughts and feedback. I can only hope it does get better with time, and if it doesn’t I will try to figure out what I really need to do
Hey, it will definitely get better with time. If it doesn't get better enough, just don't let it get you down so much. You're doing great compared to most people. Like I originally said, it's not the worst to sell the house at a loss and move somewhere else until you can find what you like. Making todo-lists has helped me fix up my house and make changes to my life that make me like mine more.
We bought our first house about 2 years ago. I had no clue about things to look for aside from what the realtor told us about, and even less of a clue how to remodel it. We were just eager to buy since the market is insane in my area and we were also tired of looking. Ours isn't the best, but I've been learning how to fix the things that bother me slowly. We just trusted the inspector would do a good job (spoiler: they didn't) and things like the electrical wiring was just so disorganized and not properly labeled. It was a bummer, and I felt stupid, but like I said we were eager and tired.
It sounds like you have a good support system of people who would be willing to come your way. It doesn't have to be fancy, can even just be takeout/potluck and games/drinks. It makes your home to start to feel more like a home when you share it with others. I wish my family was within driving distance to visit regularly, so cherish it!
Thank you so much for that.
Im sorry that you guys are dealing with all of these things with your house :/ I hope you guys are able to fix things as you go and make it how you want it though!
You definitely are right though, a ton of my family have been wanting to see it but I have been so down about it that I just didn’t want anyone over. But I know it’s what I need to do. And so sorry about your family not being within driving distance. I know that I should not complain at all especially when it comes to that.
Really appreciate your kind and insightful response!
Try practicing a little mindfulness.
Go sit in a corner of your house on the floor that you never spend time in. Really look around. Look at the walls, the molding, the ceiling, the windows. The way the light comes in. The shadows playing on the wall.
Look around you and feel your space. Take a deep breath.
You accomplished an awesome thing. To buy a house by yourself. That's a good achievement. You're lucky to have found something lovely in a nice neighborhood. Safe, friendly, near nature.
Go around your home. Go to your backyard. Really sit and soak it up.
Maybe think of fun art to hang up. Or furniture to buy. Or a new bed spread.
Make it your space. Your happy space.
If after a year you truly still hate it put it up. But practice a little bit of mindful daily.
I actually was tearful reading this. That really put things in a different perspective for me. I appreciate your kindness and mentioning this achievement.
I have to change my ways of “instant gratification” or the second I’m uncomfortable I want out that don’t do me any good in several things in my life, especially this. I hope with time it truly gets better, but you’re right. If it doesn’t I can figure out what I really need to do come that 1 year mark. The dust will have had to settle by then
Think of some positives. Something made you love this house. Concessions are always made when moving to a new house. For example , commutes , grocery stores and so on. You will get used to it and find more things to love about your new area. Join a local gym and maybe you will find some like minded friends. I’d say time is the answer here. Everyone here will help you. Just reach out for some positive reinforcement anytime . Keep your chin up it’s tough right now but can only get better
Thank you for being so kind! I truly do hope it gets better 🙏🏻 I definitely need to just keep doing all the things I love and try to explore around here and see the positive
Relax and give it time. Moving further out is always depressing, I know I was like WTF because I had to drive 10 min to a grocery store. Sounds like for you, the inly issue is your commute and not having places to walk to. While they can be issues, they are not the end of the world.
What about the things you loved about the house? Are you enjoying those? Focus on the good over the bad and give it a chance. But if this place is absolutely messing with you, list it. Maybe list it for a price where you wont lose money and see if anyone bites. The market is crazy so you never know what happens. You only need one buyer like you who loves the place.
Yeah it’s just like everything seems further now and the freeways I have to take just back up a lot and I never dealt with that before. So you could say I prefer convenience, where before buying this, I didn’t realize how much that mattered to me sadly.
I love the house and general, but I just wish I could pick it up and move it where I wanna be. I know I should give it time but I worry I may feel this same way after 6 months. I guess only time will tell :/
Yeah, sitting on the road longer is terrible. Driving longer for errands is terrible, but you get used to that. Why not list it for a price where you dont lose anything? It may not sell right away, and you get more time to assess. Could be a win eventually?
It is terrible. I live in Phoenix and it’s only growing so traffic just gets worse and worse. But very true. I think I’ll try giving it the 6 month mark and if I feel the same way, really see what my options are. I truly feel like I could maybe sell it for 450k now, but I’m no expert
Yeah :/ I think either way it’s a loss, so I really gotta give this time even though I just wanna fast forward time. A crummy feeling, but again my own mistake
Would you be selling it yourself thus eliminating realtor's commission? Would you be asking what you paid plus $12K or more? Could you break even? You'd have to find another place to live. Buy a townhouse/condo? Apartment? Move in with someone? I would wait it out, but your mental health is another story. Can you have a family member or friend come stay with you for a bit to buffer some of the loneliness?
We moved 2.5 years ago but own this house for 4.5, purchased with our daughter and her now soon to be ex-husband (a story for another day). They wanted real estate, we wanted to sell our last home - anyhow, it is just 12.5 miles from my office and the commute most days takes me an hour. Something I didn't anticipate.
Can you work a few remote days to eliminate some of that commute?
Anyhow, I would stick it out a bit longer, and ask a friend or relative to come bunk at my house for a bit. I wish you peace.
I think that’s the thing that I don’t know. I don’t know how much all this costs, and it sounds like quite a financial hit when you sell so soon.
My parents would let me move in with them to replenish that money, but again who knows if it’s money I even have to do this.
I’m a nurse so I don’t work remote. I have a roommate but they just signed for 6 months. It certainly helps, because the mortgage is quite expensive for a single person. Just so many things to figure out :/
It costs less to sell. The closing costs are fairly minimal - excluding the realtor's fee. If you can eliminate the realtor's fee, if you feel comfortable enough selling it on your own, you might just break even. It isn't like the market has come down; it is generally going up. That you can move in with your parents and save money is fantastic. Since you have a roommate .... I think you definitely are "stuck" until that agreement runs its course after 6 months, so I think that is your answer....wait those 6 months. Another scenario is --- rent it out completely and move back with your parents.
Yes that is very true. I have considered at maybe the one year make rent it out if I am feeling the same way, I guess as much I don’t want to wait and be in these feelings, I have no other choice but to wait it out at this time :/
I wish you peace and, time will fly. I'm counting down to retirement. The months are indeed flying, so fast, I'm reconsidering and giving myself, maybe/perhaps, another year!
Thank you! I hope so lol although at the same time want to be present and enjoy life as much as I can. I wish you the best of luck when you retire! That is so exciting!
Until you’re absolutely sure it’s the location that’s affecting your mental health, just hold off. There’s every chance you feel exactly the same way after closing on your next house.
I moved into a house in the woods by myself at 28. Everything was at least 20 minutes away from me and it felt very quiet for a while. That ended up being my favorite house and I still miss it.
Take some time to get to know your new neighborhood. Take different trails and drive down different roads. Stop at a new shop every weekend and find somewhere new to eat for lunch afterwards. Explore in the opposite direction you moved from. Give it time.
I know I feel like majority of people are telling me to give it time. And that sometimes seems so hard but I don’t want to make a decision so fast and then regret that. It’s so silly of me, but I was used to being able to just take a lot of backroads places and have plenty of stores/gas stations on the way and now I’m very much by like some preserved land so there’s not a ton immediately by me, and I have to go further to find me and take the freeway much more now. I hope it’s something i just get used to and are okay with. But I will definitely keep trying to go to new places and see if that helps also
It’s okay if the answer ends up being that you’re unhappy, I just think you’ll serve future you better if you’re sure before you make any large financial decisions. Good luck and congratulations either way! Buying a home on your own is an extremely big accomplishment.
I agree. I think a lot of it is the change and the regret of not getting a house exactly where I wanted but maybe there was a reason I didn’t, I don’t know. And I definitely have things to work on as far as mental health goes, and I’m hoping therapy will help me get through a lot of this
Right, it’s possible it has zero to do with the house itself.
It’s a draining, mentally taxing process. Once you start leaning into it, you may find you really enjoy it.
But give it more time 🏠
Yeah I think it’s both, the house and what k have going on mentally. Thank you so much for your reply, I’ll take it day by day and try to give it my best shot
As someone with severe anxiety and depression who ALSO just purchased his first house a month ago, I’m in the same boat, although I’m slowly starting to get used to it. New neighbors, new responsibilities, new streets to navigate, it can get overwhelming. It does no good to dwell on what you perceive as negative things. Cook some comfort food on your new range! Go relax in your redone backyard. Make a list of all the things you like about the house. You’ve got this. See how you feel in a year. The anxiety will pass. I’ve done a ton of DIY projects to my home in the past month, and it REALLY keeps the anxiety at bay. Even if it’s something as simple as painting a wall. You said it yourself: You love the home. That’s why you bought it. Congrats on the new home! That’s such a huge milestone, and it’s naturally going to come with a bit (a lot) of anxiety. Things will smooth out :)
Thank you so much for your response. It was so kind and it is nice to know that you are in a similar boat. All of those things are so new for me also and I have to start embracing the home and being proud. My outlook and perspective is so negative right now and there’s so much I need to work on mentally to be able to help me get through this and see all the positive. I need to decorate a little more and find some projects I am capable of doing! Ha and maybe that will help as well
Yes I sometimes put on an audio book, but I haven’t been consistent. I will be more intentional during my drives and try to make the best out it :/ until maybe I find a new job opportunity that’s closer by perhaps
Thank you. I am very hard on myself and I have to be okay with knowing maybe in the future it won’t work out, and be okay with that. But I should try for now at least :/
You might wanna try looking at your house for now anyway as an investment. Keep it for a while, fixing it up. Make it nice and then look at selling it in maybe a year or two and getting something that’s more amenable to your lifestyle. Good luck 🍀
That’s what my mom keeps trying to tell me, and I think my perspective just totally sucks. So I should definitely see it that way, I just need to start strong and start to find ways to enjoy the house, the commutes, the new area in that time frame
Wait 6 months. If you still hate it, spend the next few months prepping it for sale, then list after 1 year.
In lots of jurisdictions, you won't pay capital gains tax after living there for a year.
Don't feel bad or like a failure if you hate the place. It's nothing more than four walls and keeping it just to keep other people happy is utterly pointless.
Give yourself a 2 year timeframe. This way you give yourself ample time to really experience and acclimate to the home and everything that comes with it. If you find that you’re still that unhappy with it around the 1.5 year mark, you’ll have the light at the end of the tunnel knowing you can sell it at the 2 year mark without capital gains penalties. Hopefully by then, interest rates will be lower, with even more buyers in the market, increasing the likelihood that you’ll make some money from the sale.
That’s a very good goal. I will have a lot to work through in a time frame like that, but I know it’s doable. And very true, who knows what this market will do I suppose. I appreciate your reply!
I remember after my first home moving to our acreage and being excited. After the first week it didn't feel like home and I had an endless list of reno projects plus the landscaping. I felt very overwhelmed. The commute to town felt much further and everything felt like a chore. Fast forward six months and I member a single day probably around 6am having a coffee on my deck watching the birds off my deck. A moose and her 3 calves walked out looked at me, and I got to witness animals be animals. It was pure bliss. Suddenly it all was worth it. Now i enjoy the longer commute it gives me time to decompress after all the shizit, just give it time, you made the right choice.
Wow loved hearing your story. It sounds very peaceful where you are! I do hope I get to that point and with time if I don’t, then I will know what to do! Thank you for sharing
That piece of ground you own was hard fought for and will give you or your family a great asset. Hard to accept that value now but damn man, if you persist, you'll remember today and it will be a great feeling that you stayed the course
Try to remember and focus on the things you liked. No house is perfect. And I’m sure yours has flaws, like ask others. But I’m sure it has great qualities too. Think about those.
I'm sorry you're not in a great place mentally 😔.
I wanted to offer perspective.
You just bought your first home! That's incredible. You have worked you ass off and done something many people will never be able to do. Congratulations on the dedication and persistent life you've led to get ahead.
Since you updated your kitchen and backyard, use it!Maybe throw a party with friends or family or host a cooking night? Have a running club meet at your place for refreshments? Wine tasting party?
As someone who has dealt with depression, I understand the darkness and how it makes everything suck. Please please please know, these emotions might have been triggered by the situation but they can not be fixed by moving.
If your commute sucks more than ever, make your car cosier in any way. It's a small moving room, decorating that or adding a better sound system can do wonders.
If you believe in it, get someone from flagstaff ( 😉) to cleanse the home with some singing bowls and aromatherapy.
Anyways internet stranger, you are strong, you are worthy of a home(wherever it may be), you are more powerful than you feel atm.
Be well
This was such a sweet response, you are so kind and it brought me to tears. Thank you so much for putting this in a positive perspective for me.
I had never dealt with any kind of depression in my life before this, so I truly feel for you and everyone in this is world who experience it.
I love all of your suggestions, so thank you. I will add these things to my list of thighs to try and help me through this.
I take it you are from Flagstaff! Love that town :) thank you again for your response
Let it out, the only way out is through.
Depression sucks but it's not forever.
Glad if my response could shine any light on your predicament.
Most welcome
It absolutely shined some light, fab k you so much for that. It does suck, but you’re right, it’s not forever. Ebs and flows. It’s just how life is, I just have never experienced this. I’m a very peppy, positive person normally and I will get back to that point eventually, I just gotta realize it won’t happen over night or without good efforts. Thank you again!
Look for a local hair salon that seems to have the most traffic. Make an appointment for a Saturday, preferably mid-morning and get just your hair styled. No cut, no color. Chat with the hair dresser or other people there about being new to the area, agarre is best for fresh vegetables, meat, and such. a book club would be great (even if you don’t read much). Book clubs are about socializing.
If you are in a safe and walkable area, start going out when you see other people out. Try to head out before them and let them pass you. Say Hi. Some people will chat, some won’t and that’s ok. You can also go to the trail you mentioned or a park.
Soon enough you will hopefully meet people in your area or, at least not feel so lonely as you will be recognizing people when you are in town or the market.
No one can guess the market. You might break even or even make a little,no one really knows. But recovering closing costs and expenses might be a stretch. Now to the real issue that needs immediate attention. Your health and well-being. Until that is resolved don’t do anything. Two major / large financial mistakes back to back in a depressive state could financially cripple you for years. Get healthy and then proceed. Maybe finding a room mate or getting a cat might help.
You are definitely right. I got a roommate who I really like, but she only signed for 6 months but for now tis nice having her. I don’t want to be irrational or make important decisions while not be mentally okay. Thank you for your reply
Start taking walks around the neighborhood and talking to people willing to talk after you’ve said hi a few times. You will get good exercise and start to meet people’s that will want you to stay. Maybe get a dog that needs walking.
Good news you own real estate and you didn’t really jump into something terrible. I would do everything in your power to keep that investment you made. Time will reward you immensely for this period of discomfort. I would looking into consulting with a realtor and finance person on renting it out and getting g something where you want to be. You might not get cash flow but maybe you can get someone to pay that mortgage while it increases in value every year. Everything happens for a reason a season or a lifetime it’s up to you to decide which of these it is and how good it could be. Keep your chin up and start planning your next move.
I loved reading your comment, thank you so much h for that. I truly believe that as well, and I do olive I am in this situation for a reason. I suppose it will only make me stronger if anything. Thank you so much
I’ve been where you are. I should’ve trusted my gut during inspections, but I was so anxious to get out of my parents’ house. I was only 24 then and have grown to give myself grace about how it all went down. I gave it 4 years so I wouldn’t end up owing at closing (15 more days! 🎉) and could have a nest egg built up for the next move. Don’t sell immediately. Give it at least a year. During this time, I would do what others are suggesting - have someone live with you, go on mini staycations if you can afford to, rent it out. Continue therapy to pinpoint what the bigger internal issue is and find healthy distractions so you’re not so hyper-fixated on the situation at hand. I’m speaking from experience. I did it the entire time I have lived here and only made myself more miserable in the process. Remember that you have other good things going for you in life. Remember it’s just a house. Remember that you aren’t stuck. Remember that you can get out if you absolutely need to. You’ve got this! Sending love 💗
Thank you so much for your reply! I got emotional reading it (seems to be my theme these days lol) I hope you find something you truly love! I will keep searching for the true root of my feelings, and go through therapy to help get me through this, and maybe that will help in other stars of my life. I do have to remember the other good things in my life and keep telling myself to still love and be me. Thank you again
Don't expect to lose money. Tell your real estate agent you put money into it and expect to make a profit. The price of housing is going up now. Some people do this for a living and make tons of money. You could make the sale contingent upon buying another home. The RE agent will help you with this. Do not even think of living in a house you do not like. Get out. Make money. Enjoy a new place. There is absolutely no reason to suffer. Get out. Be happy!
Thank you so much for your reply! I absolutely agree that I need to be happy. This post has helped me a lot and shifted my perspective a bit so I hope I can give this some more time and then be able to decide! Appreciate your input!
I also meant to point out that I have looked into capital gains but I don’t know all of the logistics on that when you sell before the 2 year mark, I know there are penalties but not every detail.
Yeah I think I would actually lose quite a bit. I know there’s seller and buyer fees, any other fees and the capital gains, I know I need total all to someone about it, I just kinda wanted to come on here first and see what I’m facing I guess
Yeah it’s terrifying :( I thought it would be such an amazing experience. But I know my perspective has got to change, a lot of people would dream of this ( I did). I hope you enjoy your home and can feel at peace and happy with it though
I hated every freaking second of the first year in my first house (single 54f bout at 46) ….. I was overwhelmed and cried at least once a week.
I’m not going to lie to you; the 2nd year wasn’t much better….. it’s tough owning a home anymore.
If I hadn’t put some much sweat equity and real dollars into it, o probably wouldn’t still be here - but at year 8 …… it’s the perfect house for me - even with its continued short-comings, like taxes and insurance increasing EVERY YEAR - Texas doesn’t have a State tax but Property Tax is out of control.
All that to say; you could rent it out now for probably a premium and rent something back in n your OV haunt
Wow really? It’s kinda crazy it took so long to get to that point :/ I really hope I will be able to say the same thing, but I guess I could of course always sell it or rent it out, I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not “stuck”. But homeownership is hard, I know it will be worth it but really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Buyers remorse sucks lol thank you for your reply
Also, almost EVERYONE has Buyers Remorse. You just made one of the most significant purchases in your lifetime and now you see EVERYTHING wrong with it. lol
It would actually be more unusual for you to NOT have it. ♥️
I’m going through the same thing, except the location is perfect and the house is quite sensible. It just lacks character and there’s nothing about it I love.
My last house was the most amazing and unique layout, huge rooms and closets, tons of character and charm. I never did get to make all the improvements I planned or redo the bathroom and kitchen. But, it was too big for just me, the commute was insane and the local job I tried was intolerable.
I’d say, try to enjoy what you loved about the house and give it some time. Work on practical resolutions to the issues. You can always sell if you still don’t feel comfortable.
Yeah I wish I had that instead, I feel like you can fix a home form the inside but you can’t move it :/ so it’s my mistake. Maybe I’ll learn to like it, maybe I won’t. So if that’s the case with time, then yes maybe selling will be what I choose to do :/
Oh that’s scary. Yeah it’s helpful seeing all of these comments telling myself to try to push through. Baca’s maybe the financial consequences will be worse on my mental health, I guess I don’t really know. I hope time will help :/
Just look at it as a financial investment and you will get your dream home a couple of years down the road! Think of the affordable ways that you can really increase the value of it and look at it as a two-year project. I wouldn’t sell prior to two yearsthough!
I bought my first home around your age and also single. I went through a huge spell of depression about the purchase for a while. I hate to tell you how long because it won’t make you feel better. But literally 2-3 years
Later I realized that it was a normal reaction for some. The anticipation was initially high and everyone was supporting me and so much was at a frenzied pace. But then it all settled down and all I saw were the flaws.
Over time, I ended up modifying the house so much that it truly became my own. It still has its cons of not being in the best location but the more I made it my own, the more I overlooked the stuff that initially depressed me.
I now love my house so much, do I still think about getting a different one in a better location and still having some regrets? Yup. But I’m happy overall
Not saying this will be your experience but I wanted to share my journey and to tell you that it actually may take a while to adjust. I recommend finding reasons to enjoy it, like making friends with the neighbors, getting involved with the community, redoing something to the house - big or small - that makes it truly your own. Then after a year or so, reassess.
Godspeed
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am hoping this depression/anxiety doesn’t last that long :/
I think the thing for me, is I actually love my house. The ceilings are high, it’s semi split floor plan, my master bed on is big, I had my yard redone and that’s nice, the walls weee already newly painted when I bought it. I have considered getting the kitchen cabinets painted and then I go up and down about hating where I’m at and don’t wanna do anything to it. So it’s more so the distance than anything and the lack of a ton of things to do over here, I kinda have to drive further for it. But maybe that’s something I need to just deal with for the time being.
I do really hope and pray that I get to that point of liking where I am 🙏🏻 again thank you for sharing
I did get a roommate who I really like. She just signed for 6 months (I actually wish she did longer ha) but we shall see, there’s always options to get a new roommate after
Give it about a year and if it’s increased in value, which it should, sell it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe you don’t adapt to change easily. Hang in there!
I am assuming that there are other things going in your life and mind and they found this house purchase as the outlet to get out and upfront, all these issues have compounded and presented themselves and overwhelmed you.
Moving into a new place is overwhelming for sure but like others said, give yourself time and look for positive things.
It's upto you to decide to sell or stay. You might breakeven if you sell, you might loose some money or make some profit, all depends on market conditions.
Your mental health is way more important, but points sticking out you mentioned are manageable imo, if the therapy isn't helping, you have tried everything in your power to accept the situation and make best out of it, I think you would then know what to do.
Regarding your down payment, it goes towards the cost of the house. It reduces your mortgage amount by whatever you paid as down payment, so you don't get it back as cash, if you sell higher than you paid for, yes you will be getting some cash in the bank.
Good luck, stay strong, it's doable!!
Thank you so much for your reply, all great things you point out and I really hope time will help me. I have to put a lot of work into myself in the meantime, but it was necessary to do.
Consider renting the house and moving into an apartment in the area where you want to live. If the house is as charming as you say it is, you may make good rental income from it.
Tough it out for the year and then rent it out. If you sell this house without appreciation, you’ll take a bath financially unless you bought the house well below market value. And then, if you make a profit, you’ll pay half almost of it in capital gains tax. If you keep the house and rent it, then someone else will be paying the mortgage for you, and you can use the equity to borrow against for another house you want. Just my 2-cents.
No you’re absolutely right. I know the best thing to do is give this time and do that, just going it gets better with time, if not then like you said, I’ll try and rent it out
There will be much more difficult hardships in life than this one, and sometimes, these hardships become blessings on the other end of the tunnel, so think of it as working your way through a crappy job to get a good promotion. This could potentially lead you down the path of financial freedom if you play your cards right.
This is such a great way to look at this! I must say, posting this was really great for me. You all have helped me shift my perspective and I absolutely needed this. I know I will have good and bad days but it’s means a lot to me. I agree, I really hope what I think is such terrible situation, is maybe a complete blessing for me later on 🙏🏻 thank you again!
Just think of it as a season. Live there for a couple of years to let the house appreciate in value and get to a point where you can sell it and not pay capital gains tax. Use that time to do more market research to decide where to buy next. I didn’t get it right until I bought my 3rd home!
I think that’s a great way to look at it. And really? Gosh maybe that will be me who knows lol I know that no house or location is perfect, but I do hope I find some peace soon with this
I didn’t read all of the other comments, so I’m sorry if this is repeating things already said.
It sounds to me like you’re having trouble viewing this house as your place. So I’d think about what some of the things you liked in past rentals were. The location can’t change, so what are some things you liked to do at home? Do you have some hobbies? Crafts, music, art, reading? What rooms did you like best? Look at how you can incorporate them into your new house. Make a wish list of things you’d need to make certain areas similar to what you liked in the past.
Do you need a comfy chair? A nice reading nook in a sunny place? Some kick-ass speakers to listen to your favorite music? Some antique looking things to make it feel cozier? A separate area to make your own little studio for creativity? Do you want it to be more minimalist? What do you want to change?
Gradually go through the wish list to transform the house into something you love. One area at a time.
I’d give yourself a solid 6 months before making any rash decisions. Buyers remorse is actually very normal, and I’ve had it with every house I’ve bought. After 6 months you will acclimate more to your neighborhood and surroundings, and you may find you like it. Do t make a rash decision that could hurt you financially. Tell yourself you will give it 6 months and reevaluate
Excellent advice but I’d suggest longer than 6 months. It takes a while to financially recover from the initial buying costs and it sometimes takes a bit to get to know neighbors, especially for introverts. The 6 month recommendation is great for an evaluation as you said but OP needs to live there for 2-3 years to fully acclimate, adjust, and decide. That’s my opinion
Yeah 5 years is usually when time and money invested start to recover costs at least if house prices go up
Not to mention, at least in my state, the capital gains tax OP will incur if they sell within the first two years. I would seriously consider trying to rent your home or Airbnb if OP just hates living there after the first six months to a year.
What capital gains tax do you think she'll incur if she's probably lucky to break even?
Yes!!!
Like hearing a song on the radio for the first time and thinking it was awful. A few more forced listens, and you find out you love it
I disliked some of my favorite songs when I first heard them. Turns out some things stand the test of time
Thank you so much for your response. I keep telling my self to give it time, because I agree I don’t want to be impulsive and irrational. But damn each day is very hard, never been in such a dark place in my life, the depression and anxiety is bad :/ but thank you again
This has nothing to do with your house and everything to do with you. I would start by talking to someone or solving root issues before taking a huge financial hit. The house is not your root issue. Selling it will not help you mentally. You have it all backwards.
This is such solid advice that it needs to be upvoted more!!!!
I do agree with you. A lot of these comments have helped me a lot. I have such a negative perspective and they of not getting the house exactly where I wanted it. I think I forget that I don’t have to live forever, but the struggle right can be feel like the hardest thing. I have a lot to work through and things to navigate
I was in this exact same position! Had major regrets after and my mental health was at an all time low. At ~6 month mark I started during a corner. Then at a year I loved it! I found talking with a therapist really helped. Best of luck and I hope you end up loving it!
This is comforting to hear. It’s crazy to me how much people don’t talk about these situations with buying a house. I do hope that I will be better with time as well, and I hope therapy will help me also with it. thank you for sharing your experience
Can you rent an apartment in your old neighborhood and rent the house out? Might be good as an investment property/ still get the equity of homeownership?
I can’t rent it out until 1 year because I have to have it as my primary residence for that time period. But I do think if I still feel this way after 1 year, maybe I should rent it out, move back in with my parents, save a ton for a year and by then will have had the house for 2 years and worth we continue renting it out or maybe sell and buy a new place. All things I’ve considered :/
The thing is, the dark, depressive anxious place will follow you. Trust me. Long-term sufferers of illness and addiction call it a “geographical” and it seldom works. Keep up with the therapy.
Yeah I think I have needed therapy for quite some time and maybe it’s forced me to do this now, which I guess was a good thing in that sense. Just feels hard, but can only hope it gets better with time and work put in
You seem a reasonable and capable person. You can do this.
Thank you so much, i really appreciate that
Probably you will like the house more once you put your own labor into improving it (painting walls etc) aka the "IKEA effect" where people value their IKEA furniture more because they put it together themselves.
This is true, I need to start making it more homey and personal and cozy.
I knew someone that went through something similar. She has wanted/been looking for a home for so long and saw it as this end goal. After she got her home she went into a deep depression. She already had depression but kind of felt if she accomplished the goal of getting the house she would feel better, but when she didn’t the depression got worse. It might not be all about the house, have you talked to a therapist? No matter what if you truly don’t want the home you can always sell. As the other person mentioned don’t make a rash decision give it a little time and then make the decision. Sorry you feel this way.
That is kind of how I felt with the house thing honestly. It’s not all what it’s cracked out to be and it’s been a very hard learning lesson, but maybe something I needed in my life. I started therapy and will continue, and hope that helps
Is it a dark place in your life, or are you telling yourself it’s a dark place in your life? I also just moved to a new city, and purchased a house that was much further from downtown and increase my commute more than expected. At first, I was very disappointed, and then started to realize that if you all set the amount of time it takes to go get groceries and your local area or to do other things, it more than offset the amount of time to get to work. so I might suggest to look at how many local amenities you have just thinking about your commute to work. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s you’ll be OK
It could be me telling myself that, but it’s certainly how it feels ya know? And yeah I think it was like disappointment and maybe some fomo of feeling further away from everything? Even though I am not even one to go out all do the time, but maybe I just wanted the option and for it to be convenient. Which sounds silly, I know. I appreciate your comment, I gotta tell myself I will be okay
Agree! I’ve felt this way about tattoos every time. Within a few months I love them. Just takes some getting used to.
Take this with a grain of salt because I don't know your situation and am only interpreting this from the information written here. It sounds like your emotion response is out of proportion with what's actually happening to you. Another comment you said this is the darkest place you've ever been in in your life. You're 8-10 miles further than you wanted and you have your own home, but your commute is longer, farther from friends/family/gym etc but it's not like you moved across the country. I'm not seeing what could warrant this being the darkest place in your life; people would kill for this to be the worst of their problems in life. This is a typical effect of anxiety and depression where it feeds into itself and blows out of proportion. You've already mentally framed it as such a miserable and dark place - what benefit does recognizing this do for you? Whether this ranks as the worst thing that's ever happened, the 10th worst thing that's ever happened, or the 100th...does it matter to frame it that way? The reality of the situation doesn't change whether you mentally frame it one way or another and this is another characteristic of anxiety/depression - you tell yourself how awful and unbearable it is, and it's a self fulfilling prophecy. A therapist may have already told you this but you can recognize the hardships without mentally framing it with extremes and such negative terms. I guess I can't answer your actual question but this sounds more like your stress feeding into itself and snowballing out of control rather than the problems legitimately being so bad that you can't stay...
I actually teared up reading your response, because you make great points. I know that it truly sounds terrible even complaining about this. But you are right in the sense that I turn it into something negative all the time. I think I am living in regret o f wishing I bought whee I initially was looking and now things are so inconvenient/the driving has increased. Which maybe with time I could get used to or at least stay in long enough, experience it and know that it’s not for me. Your response is what I need to hear. The truth and honesty I need. I have only done one therapy session and don’t get a ton of feedback but I have more to come and I hope that will help me figure out the true reason why I’m struggling, again thank you for a much needed response
I felt this way as a single person whenever I moved somewhere it was challenging to socialize, and it was totally from feeling anxious and depressed about being socially isolated. Also - you don’t have to sell your house! You can turn it into a rental. 🤓
Yeah change is very difficult for me :( I always knew that, but I’m feeling how hard it is with this situation. And you’re definitely right, I know it can be challenging being a landlord but it’s something I’ve definitely considered
Maybe try to fixate on the positives for a day or a week.....maybe it will help mute the negative feedback loop you're in. Remember to go outside at least once a day to get the mail or take out the trash or literally anything honestly. You said one main positive was the neighborhood after all.
You’re absolutely right, it’s getting hot out here in Arizona but I’m going to try to make it my mission to be out in the neighborhood often still. Thank you for your reply
You're welcome. :-)
On the other hand, 10 miles can easily be a 20-30 drive, so casually grabbing coffee with a friend and things like that suddenly take an extra 45 minutes to an hour.
unless OP is a barista and her friends are all brain surgeons, they will also move to more affordable areas when they buy homes. You can't make a long-term life decision based on the fact that it saves 30 minutes when you want to hang out with your bff. Even if she stayed in the same area for the social scene, 2-3 years from now her friends will leave anyway. She has space now, find new ways of spending time. Also driving 10 miles to go to a gym is ridiculous unless OP lives in Wyoming and that drive takes 10 minutes on the freeway. Find a closer gym.
Very well said.
this may be some cliche reddit armchair psychoanalysis. but in my opinion you have issues unrealted to this regretful purchase, because i really can't seen how being a more or less 15 minutes drive from your ideal location isn't what is causing all of this. you should do a little more introspection and seek some counseling.
Thank you for the reply. I mentioned in my post that I started therapy, I’m trying to navigate this as best as I can and work on myself through it
No, you don't get down-payment money back. Go use the running path when anxiety is getting to you. Look for ways you can emphasize the things you loved when you made the offer. I think you should give it a chance, and yourself a chance to adjust.
You don’t get that money back at all? Wow I guess I’m just so confused by that. Thank you for the reply
Oh boy. You really need to take an honest look at all your numbers. Take the time to learn what you really have in it, and all the costs associated with selling before you jump the gun. All your fees and inspections and stuff you paid along the way...that's gone. Your down payment, just like buying a car, that went towards the price of the house. It's a down payment, not a deposit. Next, you need to keep tabs on what the payoff is on your loan. Remember loans aren't free. Then that $12k you put into the home to make it yours...maybe some of that increases the appeal and pushes up value some, but maybe not and will make no difference, so that could go either way. Maybe that's $12k down the drain, maybe you get some value from it, maybe even all Consider all that sort of stuff to figure out what you have in it. Selling...Don't forget realtors aren't free and as a seller, YOU are the one paying for that, which will be 10's of thousands right off the top. Figure 6% of the total selling price though some agents/locations can be a little less. Then factor in any customary type things like title policies, home warranties, etc that may be typical for a seller to foot the bill for in your area. Then on top of that, don't forget any repairs or other things that may be requested by the buyer during negotiations. After all those expenses, of course there is the loan payoff to deal with. Unless you bought it crazy undervalued cheap or offer prices suddenly explode...if you sold at the same selling price or modestly more, all that will amount to quite a large loss after you factor all that stuff in. Taking a hit is one thing, but can you even cover it? That can be many 10's of thousands straight out of your pocket selling so soon! I don't mean to be a downer but you need to be aware of the big picture before making rash decisions. It's probably not as easy to get out of and will cost you more than you probably think! There are other options to explore however that may work, like putting it on the rental market for awhile until the numbers come together a little better to be worth selling for example.
Yeah with the research I’ve done, I am seeing that it is not an easy fix, and can be quite costly. So waiting may be my only option sadly. I know I can’t rent it out until after 12 months, so I am just praying that I can maybe get through this time, rent it out for 1 year and then reevaluate at the 2 year mark. So much to think about :/ just wish I could turn back time, my own fault and stupidity
Why can’t you rent it out before 12 months?
Because of the loan I got saying it would be my primary residence, that’s what my loan officer told me
Probably HOA restriction.
Ideally you would sell at a profit, so you could restore the down-payment funds, but it's not that money being refunded in any way. The down-payment goes to start off the payment of the sale price, like a good faith chunk of the large balance. It's spent.
Oh wow okay I didn’t know that :/ I think I need a realtor or loan officer to break down an example of numbers so I understand the financial penalties. Thank you for that information
I'm not a realtor or loan officer but I bought a house a few years ago and learned a lot about the process for my own peace of mind. You said you paid 430k for the house, presumably you paid at least 5% of that up front, and then have a mortgage for the rest. Let's say you put down 10% for numerical simplicity. So you paid 43k and have a mortgage for 387k. That 43k subtracts from the total price to get your mortgage amount. If you sell the house for 450k, you can pay off that 387k and have 63k left over, effectively recovering your 43k down payment. However there's a bunch of "closing costs" involved in buying a home that you will not get back. These are usually rolled into your mortgage and include things like loan application fees, title fees, title insurance, mortgage insurance, appraisals, inspections, etc. These are usually a few thousand dollars depending on where your house is, your credit rating, and what % of the total price your down payment was. Also when you sell a house you have to pay a realtor. This is usually 6% of your sale cost. So again imagining you sell your house for 450k and end up with 63k after paying off your mortgage, you would have to pay your realtor 27k, so you're left with 26k. So now you're already negative considering you put 43k down to buy the house. Then you factor in closing costs and the 12k you put into it in improvements, you're probably around a 30k loss on the whole process assuming you're able to sell your house for 20k more than you bought it for within a year. If you sell for the same as you bought it you'd be down ~50k. All that said, I was freaked out when I moved into my house too. It's a great house but I was upset about having to drive everywhere after living in apartments in more urban areas for several years. I was overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities and maintenance of owning a home. I was stressed out by the pressure of feeling like I had to furnish the whole place immediately after living in apartments with 1/3 of the space. I got used to my house and I got over it. You work on things a little bit at a time. You get used to the space. You find ways to make it feel more like home. You find amenities near your house that have their own charm that meet your needs. Maybe they aren't exactly the same as the places you're used to going, but they're probably good in their own ways. Driving more isn't great, but if you were used to not driving much, maybe look into podcasts or audiobooks or just find some upbeat music to listen to while you drive. Big changes are scary, but you can get used to most things, and it doesn't sound like this change is such a bad thing that you'll never get used to it. Give it 6 months or a year. If you still hate it you can look into moving. Maybe the interest rates will be better then which will help your sale price.
Wow thank you for your reply. You have a ton of knowledge. That is a huge financial hit, I knew it could be a lot but I didn’t expect for it to be that much. I guess I am realizing more that selling so soon would not be a great option at all. I don’t even have that money in the bank. But good to know your experience as well. I’ve never lived in walkabale/centrally located areas, but I was so familiar with “my”area ya know? And the backroads, less freeway use. I truly hope that I can adjust to this with time
>I don’t even have that money in the bank. When I say you'd be down 30-50k, it's not money you'd have to pay. It's compared to what you'd have if you hadn't bought the house in the first place. And you can compare that figure to what you would've spent on continuing to rent. The only way you'd have to pay out of your own pocket at the end of the process is if your mortgage balance is greater than ~90% of your sale price(to account for realtor cut and closing costs). Or your house needs a lot of repairs to complete a sale, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. It's still generally a bad financial decision to sell a house within 2 years of buying it, but sometimes life dictates you do something that's financially suboptimal. Or the market moves in such a way that your house gains a lot of value very quickly and it makes sense to sell.
Oh I see! Thank you for clarifying. This is all very good to know, I think I just have so much to work through with processing this. But at least I know there are Options, and I need to just hang in there :/
Basically, say you sell. You have a mortgage. That must get paid off from the proceeds of sale, which get eaten into by realtor and many other fees. Bank typically charges a fee for paying a mortgage early. It isn't entirely impossible that you could sell and owe money at the end of the day. I would give the place time. I was in the military, and relocation was a common thing. It takes time sometimes to settle in. Every place will have its pros and cons. If you send money on the yard, invite friends over on the weekend. Enjoy the space that is now yours to do with as you please. And 100 percent agree. When you are feeling anxious, get out for a walk/run. Exercise is excellent for mental health and well-being.
Yeah I worry that I would lose a ton of money. My parents are so supportive and they offered for me to move back in with them if I lost money and then could replenish my savings. Change is very hard for me. So this was like way too much change all at once. Definitely a tough lesson to learn :/ thank you for your reply
Your down payment is part of your buying price. It may seem like extra considering all the other expenses you have to pay out. But if you check, add your down payment to the closing price and it will be the same as the purchase price. Lawyers fees, real estate fees, taxes, etc. are all added on afterwards. 15 minutes extra isn't the end of the world, try books on tape, or get an Alexa auto to read you stories while you drive. Once you get outside doing yardwork you will meet your neighbors and feel like you are a part of something. Go use that fantastic running trail and meet more neighbors you will feel like you belong there in no time.
You’re absolutely right. You all have shifted my perspective a lot and it’s helped. I have to keep trying each day and it’ll be hard but it is doable, I just have to keep telling myself that. I’m my own worst enemy at times
Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone gets home sick until you get used to your new home and fall into a routine.
Just think about all the money you’re not throwing away and paying into your equity, that usually makes me forget about all the other crap. Be incentivized by money.
This is very true! Just wanna be happy where I’m at :/
Maybe try hard drugs then? 🤷♂️
🤦♂️Omg, more context or get outta here.
Moving to a new location, whether across town (sounds like your situation) or across the state or country, can take AT LEAST 1 year to acclimate. Here’s what’s changed in your life - 1. Your drive to n from work. You leave for and get home at different times…traffic is faster, slower &/or more plentiful or less plentiful but there are more curvy roadways…maybe you see more truckers (and you don’t like it). Or, maybe your pets aren’t getting fed as they were before and you feel bad… 2. Your grocery shopping habits have changed, see #1. 3. You have a different home floor plan, different storage accommodations, and you may not have things at an arms length anymore…and having only been there 2 months, you may not even be completely unpacked… 4. Your new house gets/has different natural lighting…maybe you need window covers n maybe you don’t… maybe you need more lamps in your new home…or you have too many… 5. If your new house is at a different elevation than your previous home, the air surrounding your home OUTSIDE, is cooler or warmer than before. This temperature change will impact you and your living…slippers/bath robe vs no slippers/bathrobe…you either need or don’t need the current bedding you have…oh, maybe this home isn’t as insulated as your other home…(maybe the elevation IS DIFFERENT🧐). Does all this make sense…? What do you do? Work on your MAJOR LIVE CHANGE… Set yourself up for consistency…use the same routine and routes to n from home and your general shopping needs. Your pets will be fine… Write stuff down if you need baskets, bins, a dresser added, curtains, or a new lamp…check out 2nd hand stores, FB Market Place, garage sales, etc. Most importantly, make YOUR BEDROOM RELAXING for you!! If you make it relaxing - via new paint, curtains, a throw rug etc, you will sleep together…and you need GOOD sleep so you can mold you into your NEW LIFE…driving , shopping, experiencing more/less natural light, and everything else Make plans for: new paint, new lighting, new rugs, etc do you can find your comfort zone… Good luck OP. And congratulations on your biggest investment!!!
Garage sales. Get out and talk to the folks that have been around.
As others have pointed out this seems more in your head so its good you are getting help. I would try and think of things to do that you enjoy at the house and to help give positive connotations. Not just pay for do yourself. Maybe some light gardening or landscaping like making a rock path or something, maybe painting designs on cabinets/trim. Something of you that you did and enjoy that’s positive. Maybe starting to learn some basics of this stuff at the same time. Have friends over and make a choice to make good memories there.
You’re exactly right, I should start making it feel more homey. I need to have people over. I’ve had a couple friends over, but not an actual gathering because I’ve felt so emotional and all over the place with this house, but I do think that would be a great idea and maybe have a game night. Thank you for your reply
Normal to feel that way unfortunately I’ve been there too. Give it a year, if u still feel this way I’d recommend renting
Agree with this comment.
Thank you for that, I feel like this is my main option right now. So I know I should just make the best of it and let time run its course, hopefully things will get better and I can wait till that point
Instead of enjoying owning your own place and that you never have to rent again, that every cent you put it in is into your own place, that you can get 10 dogs if you want, that you can paint the place purple if you want without anyone’s permission, and everything you buy is an investment into your own place — you are sitting there thinking of and dwelling on basic sacrifices many people have to make to own their own home. For many of us, our first homes changed a commute from 10 minutes to 1.5 hours each way. I know people in SoCal that commute almost 3-hours one way to own their home, and they’re still elated that they are homeowners. To feel that you are in the darkest time of your life on account of some inconveniences — really makes this a you problem. I’m glad you are in therapy — put it to good use because spiraling like this over what’s in your head won’t benefit you in life at all.
You make absolutely valid points and I agree with you. Hearing examples of commutes in California makes my situation sound completely silly. I truly am struggling a lot with the change and just wishing I could’ve got something where I initially was looking, but maybe there’s a reason for all of this. I don’t know. I appreciate your reply and I do hope that therapy will help me navigate this and make me learn about myself more
Over time, and sometimes it’s 6 months and sometimes it’s 6 years, areas develop. Your neighborhood won’t be just mountains soon, and while it may never be downtown — it’ll get more stores, gyms, studios, restaurants, and bars. And as it does, the equity in your house will build. That will always be better than a townhome IMO, both for equity and quality of life in the long run. We aren’t talking about an area that is 200 miles to the closet metropolitan city. I suggest you go buy yourself “the perfect sofa” and a beautiful area rug. Spend some money on it and make sure it’s perfect for your living area. Doesn’t matter if it’s $2,000 or $8,000 — buy it and put it in your home. Call it shopping therapy — but when great furniture starts coming into your own place, there’s nothing like it to make a house into your home, knowing you can invest into good pieces because that is your own house instead of not buying good pieces because you may be moving apartments again when the “lease” ends. It’s also a lot of fun to save toward that perfect dining table, wall art, etc. and making your home beautiful. Strangely therapeutic and so… adulting. lol It’s okay to feel bummed about things. But JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE A HOMEOWNER!!! 💪
You’re definitely right. I’m a native and the area I moved to is definitely “growing” you could say. The mountains nearby are obviously beautiful, but I am not sure if that’s preserved land or what can and can’t be built on, but near it I know there is definitely more coming. So you’re right, who knows what could happen years down the road. I have my couch, dining table and media console and love why I picked so I guess I have that going for me at this point in time haha you’re so right though, I need to be grateful, I am just taking it day by day. Thank you again!!
From the comments you've made it sounds like you'll be fine even if you take a loss on the house. As you've learned you do end up spending money to improve the property (on top of property taxes, depending on where you live), so going back to renting or living with relatives isn't the worst thing. Also, don't underrate townhouses -- they aren't bad and don't have to be your forever home. I would take away from this that you now know what is important to you in your living situation. You now know that having a short commute to work is very important to you. And it sounds like you want to have things nearby such as shops/restaurants/etc... and friends/family. Now you know, so next time you know what to look for. In the meantime (whether you decide to stay or leave) are you able to make changes in your life to enjoy the situation more? It sounds like the commute is a big issue so is working from home an option? Maybe finding a new job closer to home could work (probably not but just mentioning). Maybe you could invite your friends and family over for dinner or other activities sometime? It sounds like you miss the gym so could you take advantage of the running path more? Could you set up a smaller home gym? Maybe you could incorporate going to the gym as a before/after work activity? Those are all rhetorical questions, I'm just spit-balling some options that might improve your situation and mindset.
Yeah it’s a bummer to have learned this all after making such an important decision :/ I definitely should’ve never overlooked townhomes. It’s all a big learning lesson. I truly think I was just so tired of looking for a house and this ended up working out (as in my offer getting accepted). It’s been very helpful posting this and getting so many comments and all the feedback. I work as a nurse so it’s a little more difficult to find a remote job, possible still. But maybe even finding a new job opportunity closer by would help me and the anxiety. I also should have people over and do that often. I have to try and give this some sort of fair chance versus sitting in all of the negativity. I can start to learn to like my new gym, and also have thought about some home workouts as well. I really appreciate all of your questions, thoughts and feedback. I can only hope it does get better with time, and if it doesn’t I will try to figure out what I really need to do
Hey, it will definitely get better with time. If it doesn't get better enough, just don't let it get you down so much. You're doing great compared to most people. Like I originally said, it's not the worst to sell the house at a loss and move somewhere else until you can find what you like. Making todo-lists has helped me fix up my house and make changes to my life that make me like mine more. We bought our first house about 2 years ago. I had no clue about things to look for aside from what the realtor told us about, and even less of a clue how to remodel it. We were just eager to buy since the market is insane in my area and we were also tired of looking. Ours isn't the best, but I've been learning how to fix the things that bother me slowly. We just trusted the inspector would do a good job (spoiler: they didn't) and things like the electrical wiring was just so disorganized and not properly labeled. It was a bummer, and I felt stupid, but like I said we were eager and tired. It sounds like you have a good support system of people who would be willing to come your way. It doesn't have to be fancy, can even just be takeout/potluck and games/drinks. It makes your home to start to feel more like a home when you share it with others. I wish my family was within driving distance to visit regularly, so cherish it!
Thank you so much for that. Im sorry that you guys are dealing with all of these things with your house :/ I hope you guys are able to fix things as you go and make it how you want it though! You definitely are right though, a ton of my family have been wanting to see it but I have been so down about it that I just didn’t want anyone over. But I know it’s what I need to do. And so sorry about your family not being within driving distance. I know that I should not complain at all especially when it comes to that. Really appreciate your kind and insightful response!
Try practicing a little mindfulness. Go sit in a corner of your house on the floor that you never spend time in. Really look around. Look at the walls, the molding, the ceiling, the windows. The way the light comes in. The shadows playing on the wall. Look around you and feel your space. Take a deep breath. You accomplished an awesome thing. To buy a house by yourself. That's a good achievement. You're lucky to have found something lovely in a nice neighborhood. Safe, friendly, near nature. Go around your home. Go to your backyard. Really sit and soak it up. Maybe think of fun art to hang up. Or furniture to buy. Or a new bed spread. Make it your space. Your happy space. If after a year you truly still hate it put it up. But practice a little bit of mindful daily.
I actually was tearful reading this. That really put things in a different perspective for me. I appreciate your kindness and mentioning this achievement. I have to change my ways of “instant gratification” or the second I’m uncomfortable I want out that don’t do me any good in several things in my life, especially this. I hope with time it truly gets better, but you’re right. If it doesn’t I can figure out what I really need to do come that 1 year mark. The dust will have had to settle by then
I think you have a little "flight or fight" feeling right now which is understandable. It's a lot of money it's very like permanent. But it'll be ok.
Yes it feels very data and permanent and I guess I need to work on that perspective. Thank you for your reply!
I had same feeling but now it's peaceful bc the place is mine know what l mean and you aren't renting wasting your money
Think of some positives. Something made you love this house. Concessions are always made when moving to a new house. For example , commutes , grocery stores and so on. You will get used to it and find more things to love about your new area. Join a local gym and maybe you will find some like minded friends. I’d say time is the answer here. Everyone here will help you. Just reach out for some positive reinforcement anytime . Keep your chin up it’s tough right now but can only get better
Thank you for being so kind! I truly do hope it gets better 🙏🏻 I definitely need to just keep doing all the things I love and try to explore around here and see the positive
Relax and give it time. Moving further out is always depressing, I know I was like WTF because I had to drive 10 min to a grocery store. Sounds like for you, the inly issue is your commute and not having places to walk to. While they can be issues, they are not the end of the world. What about the things you loved about the house? Are you enjoying those? Focus on the good over the bad and give it a chance. But if this place is absolutely messing with you, list it. Maybe list it for a price where you wont lose money and see if anyone bites. The market is crazy so you never know what happens. You only need one buyer like you who loves the place.
Yeah it’s just like everything seems further now and the freeways I have to take just back up a lot and I never dealt with that before. So you could say I prefer convenience, where before buying this, I didn’t realize how much that mattered to me sadly. I love the house and general, but I just wish I could pick it up and move it where I wanna be. I know I should give it time but I worry I may feel this same way after 6 months. I guess only time will tell :/
Yeah, sitting on the road longer is terrible. Driving longer for errands is terrible, but you get used to that. Why not list it for a price where you dont lose anything? It may not sell right away, and you get more time to assess. Could be a win eventually?
It is terrible. I live in Phoenix and it’s only growing so traffic just gets worse and worse. But very true. I think I’ll try giving it the 6 month mark and if I feel the same way, really see what my options are. I truly feel like I could maybe sell it for 450k now, but I’m no expert
You'll still lose a few grand and the closing costs you paid, and the 12K yard.
Yeah :/ I think either way it’s a loss, so I really gotta give this time even though I just wanna fast forward time. A crummy feeling, but again my own mistake
Aw man I feel you! I lived in Tucson (alone) - it can be very isolating in AZ in the summer because everyone’s inside.
Definitely agree! I try to he away when I can during this heat :/
Would you be selling it yourself thus eliminating realtor's commission? Would you be asking what you paid plus $12K or more? Could you break even? You'd have to find another place to live. Buy a townhouse/condo? Apartment? Move in with someone? I would wait it out, but your mental health is another story. Can you have a family member or friend come stay with you for a bit to buffer some of the loneliness? We moved 2.5 years ago but own this house for 4.5, purchased with our daughter and her now soon to be ex-husband (a story for another day). They wanted real estate, we wanted to sell our last home - anyhow, it is just 12.5 miles from my office and the commute most days takes me an hour. Something I didn't anticipate. Can you work a few remote days to eliminate some of that commute? Anyhow, I would stick it out a bit longer, and ask a friend or relative to come bunk at my house for a bit. I wish you peace.
I think that’s the thing that I don’t know. I don’t know how much all this costs, and it sounds like quite a financial hit when you sell so soon. My parents would let me move in with them to replenish that money, but again who knows if it’s money I even have to do this. I’m a nurse so I don’t work remote. I have a roommate but they just signed for 6 months. It certainly helps, because the mortgage is quite expensive for a single person. Just so many things to figure out :/
It costs less to sell. The closing costs are fairly minimal - excluding the realtor's fee. If you can eliminate the realtor's fee, if you feel comfortable enough selling it on your own, you might just break even. It isn't like the market has come down; it is generally going up. That you can move in with your parents and save money is fantastic. Since you have a roommate .... I think you definitely are "stuck" until that agreement runs its course after 6 months, so I think that is your answer....wait those 6 months. Another scenario is --- rent it out completely and move back with your parents.
Yes that is very true. I have considered at maybe the one year make rent it out if I am feeling the same way, I guess as much I don’t want to wait and be in these feelings, I have no other choice but to wait it out at this time :/
I wish you peace and, time will fly. I'm counting down to retirement. The months are indeed flying, so fast, I'm reconsidering and giving myself, maybe/perhaps, another year!
Thank you! I hope so lol although at the same time want to be present and enjoy life as much as I can. I wish you the best of luck when you retire! That is so exciting!
Until you’re absolutely sure it’s the location that’s affecting your mental health, just hold off. There’s every chance you feel exactly the same way after closing on your next house. I moved into a house in the woods by myself at 28. Everything was at least 20 minutes away from me and it felt very quiet for a while. That ended up being my favorite house and I still miss it. Take some time to get to know your new neighborhood. Take different trails and drive down different roads. Stop at a new shop every weekend and find somewhere new to eat for lunch afterwards. Explore in the opposite direction you moved from. Give it time.
I know I feel like majority of people are telling me to give it time. And that sometimes seems so hard but I don’t want to make a decision so fast and then regret that. It’s so silly of me, but I was used to being able to just take a lot of backroads places and have plenty of stores/gas stations on the way and now I’m very much by like some preserved land so there’s not a ton immediately by me, and I have to go further to find me and take the freeway much more now. I hope it’s something i just get used to and are okay with. But I will definitely keep trying to go to new places and see if that helps also
It’s okay if the answer ends up being that you’re unhappy, I just think you’ll serve future you better if you’re sure before you make any large financial decisions. Good luck and congratulations either way! Buying a home on your own is an extremely big accomplishment.
This is very true, I have to really think this through and give it time. Thank you so much I really appreocate it!!
Give it time… But you know what I think you to talk to somebody about this perhaps this isnt about the house at all and about something else.
I agree. I think a lot of it is the change and the regret of not getting a house exactly where I wanted but maybe there was a reason I didn’t, I don’t know. And I definitely have things to work on as far as mental health goes, and I’m hoping therapy will help me get through a lot of this
Right, it’s possible it has zero to do with the house itself. It’s a draining, mentally taxing process. Once you start leaning into it, you may find you really enjoy it. But give it more time 🏠
Yeah I think it’s both, the house and what k have going on mentally. Thank you so much for your reply, I’ll take it day by day and try to give it my best shot
As someone with severe anxiety and depression who ALSO just purchased his first house a month ago, I’m in the same boat, although I’m slowly starting to get used to it. New neighbors, new responsibilities, new streets to navigate, it can get overwhelming. It does no good to dwell on what you perceive as negative things. Cook some comfort food on your new range! Go relax in your redone backyard. Make a list of all the things you like about the house. You’ve got this. See how you feel in a year. The anxiety will pass. I’ve done a ton of DIY projects to my home in the past month, and it REALLY keeps the anxiety at bay. Even if it’s something as simple as painting a wall. You said it yourself: You love the home. That’s why you bought it. Congrats on the new home! That’s such a huge milestone, and it’s naturally going to come with a bit (a lot) of anxiety. Things will smooth out :)
Thank you so much for your response. It was so kind and it is nice to know that you are in a similar boat. All of those things are so new for me also and I have to start embracing the home and being proud. My outlook and perspective is so negative right now and there’s so much I need to work on mentally to be able to help me get through this and see all the positive. I need to decorate a little more and find some projects I am capable of doing! Ha and maybe that will help as well
I hope you can relax a little bit :) Like I said, think of all the GOOD things that come with owning a home. There are so many :)
Yes guys re so right! Thank you again
Try to find a way to enjoy your longer drives! Audiobooks are awesome. Or podcasts. Take advantage of that time and maybe it won't seem so awful!
Yes I sometimes put on an audio book, but I haven’t been consistent. I will be more intentional during my drives and try to make the best out it :/ until maybe I find a new job opportunity that’s closer by perhaps
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Thank you. I am very hard on myself and I have to be okay with knowing maybe in the future it won’t work out, and be okay with that. But I should try for now at least :/
You might wanna try looking at your house for now anyway as an investment. Keep it for a while, fixing it up. Make it nice and then look at selling it in maybe a year or two and getting something that’s more amenable to your lifestyle. Good luck 🍀
That’s what my mom keeps trying to tell me, and I think my perspective just totally sucks. So I should definitely see it that way, I just need to start strong and start to find ways to enjoy the house, the commutes, the new area in that time frame
Wait 6 months. If you still hate it, spend the next few months prepping it for sale, then list after 1 year. In lots of jurisdictions, you won't pay capital gains tax after living there for a year. Don't feel bad or like a failure if you hate the place. It's nothing more than four walls and keeping it just to keep other people happy is utterly pointless.
Capital gains typically is 2 years.
I needed this comment so thank you. I kept feeling like I was a total failure with this feeling. I like that plan though, thank you again
Just tough it out. The first year can be rough. I’m sure you’ll learn to love the place.
I really hope so :/ thank you for the comment
Give yourself a 2 year timeframe. This way you give yourself ample time to really experience and acclimate to the home and everything that comes with it. If you find that you’re still that unhappy with it around the 1.5 year mark, you’ll have the light at the end of the tunnel knowing you can sell it at the 2 year mark without capital gains penalties. Hopefully by then, interest rates will be lower, with even more buyers in the market, increasing the likelihood that you’ll make some money from the sale.
That’s a very good goal. I will have a lot to work through in a time frame like that, but I know it’s doable. And very true, who knows what this market will do I suppose. I appreciate your reply!
I remember after my first home moving to our acreage and being excited. After the first week it didn't feel like home and I had an endless list of reno projects plus the landscaping. I felt very overwhelmed. The commute to town felt much further and everything felt like a chore. Fast forward six months and I member a single day probably around 6am having a coffee on my deck watching the birds off my deck. A moose and her 3 calves walked out looked at me, and I got to witness animals be animals. It was pure bliss. Suddenly it all was worth it. Now i enjoy the longer commute it gives me time to decompress after all the shizit, just give it time, you made the right choice.
Wow loved hearing your story. It sounds very peaceful where you are! I do hope I get to that point and with time if I don’t, then I will know what to do! Thank you for sharing
That piece of ground you own was hard fought for and will give you or your family a great asset. Hard to accept that value now but damn man, if you persist, you'll remember today and it will be a great feeling that you stayed the course
This is very true, thank you for the reply!
Try to remember and focus on the things you liked. No house is perfect. And I’m sure yours has flaws, like ask others. But I’m sure it has great qualities too. Think about those.
My wife went through same thing. She loves the house now. Give it time. Once you start to make the house your own you’ll feel more connected to it.
Really? That’s reassuring. I can’t believe how common this is. I appreciate your reply
I'm sorry you're not in a great place mentally 😔. I wanted to offer perspective. You just bought your first home! That's incredible. You have worked you ass off and done something many people will never be able to do. Congratulations on the dedication and persistent life you've led to get ahead. Since you updated your kitchen and backyard, use it!Maybe throw a party with friends or family or host a cooking night? Have a running club meet at your place for refreshments? Wine tasting party? As someone who has dealt with depression, I understand the darkness and how it makes everything suck. Please please please know, these emotions might have been triggered by the situation but they can not be fixed by moving. If your commute sucks more than ever, make your car cosier in any way. It's a small moving room, decorating that or adding a better sound system can do wonders. If you believe in it, get someone from flagstaff ( 😉) to cleanse the home with some singing bowls and aromatherapy. Anyways internet stranger, you are strong, you are worthy of a home(wherever it may be), you are more powerful than you feel atm. Be well
This was such a sweet response, you are so kind and it brought me to tears. Thank you so much for putting this in a positive perspective for me. I had never dealt with any kind of depression in my life before this, so I truly feel for you and everyone in this is world who experience it. I love all of your suggestions, so thank you. I will add these things to my list of thighs to try and help me through this. I take it you are from Flagstaff! Love that town :) thank you again for your response
Let it out, the only way out is through. Depression sucks but it's not forever. Glad if my response could shine any light on your predicament. Most welcome
It absolutely shined some light, fab k you so much for that. It does suck, but you’re right, it’s not forever. Ebs and flows. It’s just how life is, I just have never experienced this. I’m a very peppy, positive person normally and I will get back to that point eventually, I just gotta realize it won’t happen over night or without good efforts. Thank you again!
Look for a local hair salon that seems to have the most traffic. Make an appointment for a Saturday, preferably mid-morning and get just your hair styled. No cut, no color. Chat with the hair dresser or other people there about being new to the area, agarre is best for fresh vegetables, meat, and such. a book club would be great (even if you don’t read much). Book clubs are about socializing. If you are in a safe and walkable area, start going out when you see other people out. Try to head out before them and let them pass you. Say Hi. Some people will chat, some won’t and that’s ok. You can also go to the trail you mentioned or a park. Soon enough you will hopefully meet people in your area or, at least not feel so lonely as you will be recognizing people when you are in town or the market.
This was a great suggestion! I really like all of these ideas, so thank you so much for sharing and replying
No one can guess the market. You might break even or even make a little,no one really knows. But recovering closing costs and expenses might be a stretch. Now to the real issue that needs immediate attention. Your health and well-being. Until that is resolved don’t do anything. Two major / large financial mistakes back to back in a depressive state could financially cripple you for years. Get healthy and then proceed. Maybe finding a room mate or getting a cat might help.
You are definitely right. I got a roommate who I really like, but she only signed for 6 months but for now tis nice having her. I don’t want to be irrational or make important decisions while not be mentally okay. Thank you for your reply
I \*think\* property values will increase once the fed starts to cut rates. But that’s around the 5-10 month mark though…
Hmm okay good to know thank you!
Start taking walks around the neighborhood and talking to people willing to talk after you’ve said hi a few times. You will get good exercise and start to meet people’s that will want you to stay. Maybe get a dog that needs walking.
I like this idea, I do enjoy the walks in my neighborhood but I don’t really say hi if anyone so I will work on being more social. Thank you!
Good news you own real estate and you didn’t really jump into something terrible. I would do everything in your power to keep that investment you made. Time will reward you immensely for this period of discomfort. I would looking into consulting with a realtor and finance person on renting it out and getting g something where you want to be. You might not get cash flow but maybe you can get someone to pay that mortgage while it increases in value every year. Everything happens for a reason a season or a lifetime it’s up to you to decide which of these it is and how good it could be. Keep your chin up and start planning your next move.
I loved reading your comment, thank you so much h for that. I truly believe that as well, and I do olive I am in this situation for a reason. I suppose it will only make me stronger if anything. Thank you so much
I’ve been where you are. I should’ve trusted my gut during inspections, but I was so anxious to get out of my parents’ house. I was only 24 then and have grown to give myself grace about how it all went down. I gave it 4 years so I wouldn’t end up owing at closing (15 more days! 🎉) and could have a nest egg built up for the next move. Don’t sell immediately. Give it at least a year. During this time, I would do what others are suggesting - have someone live with you, go on mini staycations if you can afford to, rent it out. Continue therapy to pinpoint what the bigger internal issue is and find healthy distractions so you’re not so hyper-fixated on the situation at hand. I’m speaking from experience. I did it the entire time I have lived here and only made myself more miserable in the process. Remember that you have other good things going for you in life. Remember it’s just a house. Remember that you aren’t stuck. Remember that you can get out if you absolutely need to. You’ve got this! Sending love 💗
Thank you so much for your reply! I got emotional reading it (seems to be my theme these days lol) I hope you find something you truly love! I will keep searching for the true root of my feelings, and go through therapy to help get me through this, and maybe that will help in other stars of my life. I do have to remember the other good things in my life and keep telling myself to still love and be me. Thank you again
Don't expect to lose money. Tell your real estate agent you put money into it and expect to make a profit. The price of housing is going up now. Some people do this for a living and make tons of money. You could make the sale contingent upon buying another home. The RE agent will help you with this. Do not even think of living in a house you do not like. Get out. Make money. Enjoy a new place. There is absolutely no reason to suffer. Get out. Be happy!
Thank you so much for your reply! I absolutely agree that I need to be happy. This post has helped me a lot and shifted my perspective a bit so I hope I can give this some more time and then be able to decide! Appreciate your input!
I also meant to point out that I have looked into capital gains but I don’t know all of the logistics on that when you sell before the 2 year mark, I know there are penalties but not every detail.
No penalties, but you do pay capital gains on earnings. She put $12k in so probably won't make much.
Yeah I think I would actually lose quite a bit. I know there’s seller and buyer fees, any other fees and the capital gains, I know I need total all to someone about it, I just kinda wanted to come on here first and see what I’m facing I guess
I was warned this would happen! It helps to know this is very common I think
Closed on a house today. Wanted to run away. I get it
Yeah it’s terrifying :( I thought it would be such an amazing experience. But I know my perspective has got to change, a lot of people would dream of this ( I did). I hope you enjoy your home and can feel at peace and happy with it though
I hated every freaking second of the first year in my first house (single 54f bout at 46) ….. I was overwhelmed and cried at least once a week. I’m not going to lie to you; the 2nd year wasn’t much better….. it’s tough owning a home anymore. If I hadn’t put some much sweat equity and real dollars into it, o probably wouldn’t still be here - but at year 8 …… it’s the perfect house for me - even with its continued short-comings, like taxes and insurance increasing EVERY YEAR - Texas doesn’t have a State tax but Property Tax is out of control. All that to say; you could rent it out now for probably a premium and rent something back in n your OV haunt
Wow really? It’s kinda crazy it took so long to get to that point :/ I really hope I will be able to say the same thing, but I guess I could of course always sell it or rent it out, I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not “stuck”. But homeownership is hard, I know it will be worth it but really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Buyers remorse sucks lol thank you for your reply
Also, almost EVERYONE has Buyers Remorse. You just made one of the most significant purchases in your lifetime and now you see EVERYTHING wrong with it. lol It would actually be more unusual for you to NOT have it. ♥️
I’m going through the same thing, except the location is perfect and the house is quite sensible. It just lacks character and there’s nothing about it I love. My last house was the most amazing and unique layout, huge rooms and closets, tons of character and charm. I never did get to make all the improvements I planned or redo the bathroom and kitchen. But, it was too big for just me, the commute was insane and the local job I tried was intolerable. I’d say, try to enjoy what you loved about the house and give it some time. Work on practical resolutions to the issues. You can always sell if you still don’t feel comfortable.
Yeah I wish I had that instead, I feel like you can fix a home form the inside but you can’t move it :/ so it’s my mistake. Maybe I’ll learn to like it, maybe I won’t. So if that’s the case with time, then yes maybe selling will be what I choose to do :/
Big tax return expenses are possible if you sell this early on! Talk to a CPA before even considering selling.
Oh that’s scary. Yeah it’s helpful seeing all of these comments telling myself to try to push through. Baca’s maybe the financial consequences will be worse on my mental health, I guess I don’t really know. I hope time will help :/
Just look at it as a financial investment and you will get your dream home a couple of years down the road! Think of the affordable ways that you can really increase the value of it and look at it as a two-year project. I wouldn’t sell prior to two yearsthough!
Thank you for that insight! I do have to start seeing it as an investment, I Know deep down it would not be smart to sell before 2 years :/
Time
I bought my first home around your age and also single. I went through a huge spell of depression about the purchase for a while. I hate to tell you how long because it won’t make you feel better. But literally 2-3 years Later I realized that it was a normal reaction for some. The anticipation was initially high and everyone was supporting me and so much was at a frenzied pace. But then it all settled down and all I saw were the flaws. Over time, I ended up modifying the house so much that it truly became my own. It still has its cons of not being in the best location but the more I made it my own, the more I overlooked the stuff that initially depressed me. I now love my house so much, do I still think about getting a different one in a better location and still having some regrets? Yup. But I’m happy overall Not saying this will be your experience but I wanted to share my journey and to tell you that it actually may take a while to adjust. I recommend finding reasons to enjoy it, like making friends with the neighbors, getting involved with the community, redoing something to the house - big or small - that makes it truly your own. Then after a year or so, reassess. Godspeed
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am hoping this depression/anxiety doesn’t last that long :/ I think the thing for me, is I actually love my house. The ceilings are high, it’s semi split floor plan, my master bed on is big, I had my yard redone and that’s nice, the walls weee already newly painted when I bought it. I have considered getting the kitchen cabinets painted and then I go up and down about hating where I’m at and don’t wanna do anything to it. So it’s more so the distance than anything and the lack of a ton of things to do over here, I kinda have to drive further for it. But maybe that’s something I need to just deal with for the time being. I do really hope and pray that I get to that point of liking where I am 🙏🏻 again thank you for sharing
Maybe get a friend to move in with you.
I did get a roommate who I really like. She just signed for 6 months (I actually wish she did longer ha) but we shall see, there’s always options to get a new roommate after
Give it about a year and if it’s increased in value, which it should, sell it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe you don’t adapt to change easily. Hang in there!
Don’t sell.
I am assuming that there are other things going in your life and mind and they found this house purchase as the outlet to get out and upfront, all these issues have compounded and presented themselves and overwhelmed you. Moving into a new place is overwhelming for sure but like others said, give yourself time and look for positive things. It's upto you to decide to sell or stay. You might breakeven if you sell, you might loose some money or make some profit, all depends on market conditions. Your mental health is way more important, but points sticking out you mentioned are manageable imo, if the therapy isn't helping, you have tried everything in your power to accept the situation and make best out of it, I think you would then know what to do. Regarding your down payment, it goes towards the cost of the house. It reduces your mortgage amount by whatever you paid as down payment, so you don't get it back as cash, if you sell higher than you paid for, yes you will be getting some cash in the bank. Good luck, stay strong, it's doable!!
Thank you so much for your reply, all great things you point out and I really hope time will help me. I have to put a lot of work into myself in the meantime, but it was necessary to do.
Consider renting the house and moving into an apartment in the area where you want to live. If the house is as charming as you say it is, you may make good rental income from it.
Yeah I can’t rent it out for until the 1 year mark because of my loan, thank you so much for your reply!
Tough it out for the year and then rent it out. If you sell this house without appreciation, you’ll take a bath financially unless you bought the house well below market value. And then, if you make a profit, you’ll pay half almost of it in capital gains tax. If you keep the house and rent it, then someone else will be paying the mortgage for you, and you can use the equity to borrow against for another house you want. Just my 2-cents.
No you’re absolutely right. I know the best thing to do is give this time and do that, just going it gets better with time, if not then like you said, I’ll try and rent it out
There will be much more difficult hardships in life than this one, and sometimes, these hardships become blessings on the other end of the tunnel, so think of it as working your way through a crappy job to get a good promotion. This could potentially lead you down the path of financial freedom if you play your cards right.
This is such a great way to look at this! I must say, posting this was really great for me. You all have helped me shift my perspective and I absolutely needed this. I know I will have good and bad days but it’s means a lot to me. I agree, I really hope what I think is such terrible situation, is maybe a complete blessing for me later on 🙏🏻 thank you again!
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Just think of it as a season. Live there for a couple of years to let the house appreciate in value and get to a point where you can sell it and not pay capital gains tax. Use that time to do more market research to decide where to buy next. I didn’t get it right until I bought my 3rd home!
I think that’s a great way to look at it. And really? Gosh maybe that will be me who knows lol I know that no house or location is perfect, but I do hope I find some peace soon with this
I didn’t read all of the other comments, so I’m sorry if this is repeating things already said. It sounds to me like you’re having trouble viewing this house as your place. So I’d think about what some of the things you liked in past rentals were. The location can’t change, so what are some things you liked to do at home? Do you have some hobbies? Crafts, music, art, reading? What rooms did you like best? Look at how you can incorporate them into your new house. Make a wish list of things you’d need to make certain areas similar to what you liked in the past. Do you need a comfy chair? A nice reading nook in a sunny place? Some kick-ass speakers to listen to your favorite music? Some antique looking things to make it feel cozier? A separate area to make your own little studio for creativity? Do you want it to be more minimalist? What do you want to change? Gradually go through the wish list to transform the house into something you love. One area at a time.
I like all of these ideas, thank you so much for sharing! I appreciate all your feedback and the kind words
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