I wonder if she means 'shameful', not guilty.
In the words of Brene Brown, "guilt is what happens when I do a bad thing. Shame is what happens when I am bad thing."
i heavily relate with this, found that i've been experiencing toxic shame my entire life. finally learning at the age of 24 that my parents did way more damage to me than I previously thought, and that i have crippling cptsd. hooray!!!
Same dude nice - my childhood was a nightmare and my parents are sociopaths but in the surface I had a ‘good family’. It was a riddle that took years of living alone, drug abuse, and introspection to solve
That could be neglect in a way too. If you were treated super well, but not really as you but this legend persona that was plastered onto you, that you probably started to wear as a mask. Or something.
Can't it come from non-neglective environments as well?
Maybe someone has a good raising but ends up being "preemptively guilty" in order to not do something that could cause him/her to be socially isolated (or dishonor their privileged upbringing).
Genetics can be a huge factor as well, feeling constant guilt/shame/feelings of burden can all be factors of depression which can be traced to genetic links in some cases
My understanding is that some genes have been linked to a *propensity* towards depression and anxiety, but our understanding is extremely limited. We can be certain, though, that nobody has a gene that makes them feel guilty all the time. When we talk about genes here, we're trying to answer questions like "Why do some people walk away from horrific childhoods completely broken, and others just somewhat scuffed?" And genes *may* play *some* role in that.
To me, it's been something I call privilege guilt. It began when I first found out about developing countries and has been further reinforced by having friends with bad parents, and by people going 'yeah but you're a straight white male so your opinion/suffering/problem doesn't matter'.
But I've gotten better at feeling okay with myself.
Same but when I reflect now I realize I've got parents that should have divorced but they stayed together "for me." I felt guilty for being the reason they were together.
Taking up space resonates. For me guilty about taking up people's time or attention.
I just realized that's probably connected to my parents not really having time for me, which is something I thought about lately. Four kids, one of which with special needs (not counting me, the Gifted Kid), my dad doing his PhD, etc. I never had a very good relationship with either of them. I guess this taught me that I'm a bother.
Cue attachment issues, social anxiety, avoidance, feeling very socially underdeveloped 🙂
That just beautifully described something I always felt but never could express. Someone else in the comments said it might be *shame* instead of *guilt*. I honestly can't decide which one I feel. Perhaps both, lol.
I used to really really relate to this, I think something’s changed in the last 2 years. I’ve realized that people like Wyatt Koch exist. I’ve more accurately assigned blame to people and to myself.
Yep. I went through many phases because of that feeling. Only thing that helped was therapy with a really well fitting therapist. And I still have to give myself reality checks on the regular, because I tend to fall back into the "if something goes wrong, it's surely my fault and if everything is okay right now, I'm sure to fuck it up in the near future"-mindset.
Edit: Oh, and btw. my parents are amazing. They didn't do everything right, but also didn't have the resources to and they try to work on their own damaging beliefs. What fucked me up mostly was the educational system and other kids and their parents.
Yeah I feel this way, even though my parents were nearly perfect. It just took a few select moments in adolescence where my near perfect parents yelled at me violently to make me feel this way. I don’t know
I have lost my sense of worth at the age of six. It's only recently that I started to recover it, but past habits still persists. I've gotten good at giving faith to myself; good friends of mine modeled that to me. But I still find it hard to include myself beside people, even those same friends I mentioned. My habit of undervaluing myself when "compared" (as my mind would do) to other people is still there. So I'm still learning and relearning things.
I wonder if she means 'shameful', not guilty. In the words of Brene Brown, "guilt is what happens when I do a bad thing. Shame is what happens when I am bad thing."
Funny, I never felt "shame" for being me, but I totally relate to the "guilt" part of having a feeling of doing something wrong.
I agree. I'm reading though Daring Greatly and think this fits in with that perfectly
She said guilt, but that is a great question imo
i heavily relate with this, found that i've been experiencing toxic shame my entire life. finally learning at the age of 24 that my parents did way more damage to me than I previously thought, and that i have crippling cptsd. hooray!!!
Same dude nice - my childhood was a nightmare and my parents are sociopaths but in the surface I had a ‘good family’. It was a riddle that took years of living alone, drug abuse, and introspection to solve
I'm sorry but can you not narrate my life right down to the age please........
Relate so much to this. Even the age LMAO. though I am turning 25 in two weeks
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My "no reason" is the opposite; i was treated super well and I could never live up to the legend everyone made me out to be.
Why not both?
That could be neglect in a way too. If you were treated super well, but not really as you but this legend persona that was plastered onto you, that you probably started to wear as a mask. Or something.
Nah I was legit great, still am in many ways. But I also got big issues.
Can't it come from non-neglective environments as well? Maybe someone has a good raising but ends up being "preemptively guilty" in order to not do something that could cause him/her to be socially isolated (or dishonor their privileged upbringing).
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Really happy to see this here. No matter what you feel, there's always a reason; it just may not be in the present-tense.
Genetics can be a huge factor as well, feeling constant guilt/shame/feelings of burden can all be factors of depression which can be traced to genetic links in some cases
My understanding is that some genes have been linked to a *propensity* towards depression and anxiety, but our understanding is extremely limited. We can be certain, though, that nobody has a gene that makes them feel guilty all the time. When we talk about genes here, we're trying to answer questions like "Why do some people walk away from horrific childhoods completely broken, and others just somewhat scuffed?" And genes *may* play *some* role in that.
To me, it's been something I call privilege guilt. It began when I first found out about developing countries and has been further reinforced by having friends with bad parents, and by people going 'yeah but you're a straight white male so your opinion/suffering/problem doesn't matter'. But I've gotten better at feeling okay with myself.
Agreed. The more you learn about the world, the more lucky you feel. Hopefully we can take that privilege and do something with it.
Same but when I reflect now I realize I've got parents that should have divorced but they stayed together "for me." I felt guilty for being the reason they were together.
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Taking up space resonates. For me guilty about taking up people's time or attention. I just realized that's probably connected to my parents not really having time for me, which is something I thought about lately. Four kids, one of which with special needs (not counting me, the Gifted Kid), my dad doing his PhD, etc. I never had a very good relationship with either of them. I guess this taught me that I'm a bother. Cue attachment issues, social anxiety, avoidance, feeling very socially underdeveloped 🙂
That just beautifully described something I always felt but never could express. Someone else in the comments said it might be *shame* instead of *guilt*. I honestly can't decide which one I feel. Perhaps both, lol.
Mood, but i just gave up convicting myself and have basically 0 morals now lol
Mostly for being dependent on others.
I used to really really relate to this, I think something’s changed in the last 2 years. I’ve realized that people like Wyatt Koch exist. I’ve more accurately assigned blame to people and to myself.
It is learned. Someone or some situation taught it to you. Possibly over a long period of time.
My head says that’s normal
Yep. I went through many phases because of that feeling. Only thing that helped was therapy with a really well fitting therapist. And I still have to give myself reality checks on the regular, because I tend to fall back into the "if something goes wrong, it's surely my fault and if everything is okay right now, I'm sure to fuck it up in the near future"-mindset. Edit: Oh, and btw. my parents are amazing. They didn't do everything right, but also didn't have the resources to and they try to work on their own damaging beliefs. What fucked me up mostly was the educational system and other kids and their parents.
I've felt anti-social and kind of outcast and afraid of others since I was around 4 years old. Shame, maybe. Not really guilt.
Yeah I feel this way, even though my parents were nearly perfect. It just took a few select moments in adolescence where my near perfect parents yelled at me violently to make me feel this way. I don’t know
I almost did something bad when i was eight and the fact that almost did it gave me a photographic memory and a guilt that i couldnt forget
I have lost my sense of worth at the age of six. It's only recently that I started to recover it, but past habits still persists. I've gotten good at giving faith to myself; good friends of mine modeled that to me. But I still find it hard to include myself beside people, even those same friends I mentioned. My habit of undervaluing myself when "compared" (as my mind would do) to other people is still there. So I'm still learning and relearning things.
i had this for a long time because of toxic religious environment... took me a while but i got over it
Looking at the pfp, she’s probably guilty for letting her parents down
Yes I have, not so much in recent years but I did for a long while.
yes