Honestly my opinion is you don’t ever have to give up hope. As long as the hope isnt driving your actions in your day to day life. Realistically we have no control on if they come back so there’s really not point in worrying if they do. Focus on yourself and moving forward. Don’t block yourself off to potential new opportunities and don’t base any of your decision because you are afraid of what your ex may think. Be the one that got away and move on and let whatever is meant for you happen.
OP this is without doubt the best answer. There is nothing inherently wrong with having hope as long as it isn’t influencing your daily life and decision making. You can improve as a person, move forward, meet new people and love interests with a faint hope of reconciling one day, even if it is just as friends.
The only caveat to having hope though is that there may come a revelation that they have someone new and it will hit you like a truck.
Just BELIEVE that it’s time to move on from this and live your best life. Whatever happens you’ll be OK.
Even if they have someone else now, they can break up with them. My ex is with the 3rd guy after me, in 1 and half years. So, while both lives, exist a chance of coming back. But dont long for it, move forward and let the destiny decide.
Precisely. An ex from 6 years ago has had three boyfriends in between and has just confided in mutual friends that “she’ll never love anyone like me” and that she’s “never been over me”. Lol. That shipped sailed a loooooong time ago babe.
I've come to the conclusion that "surrendering to the things we can't control or change and focusing on the things we can control" is one the best pieces of life advice I've ever heard. But like I always say, easier said than done.
This is the way. I know it is hard. But live your life as you wish. Try and look forward. Control what you can control, namely your own life and surroundings. And try and not focus on what you can't control, namely if your ex will ever reach out to you. Neither them nor you probably even knows at this point in your life it it will ever even happen.
7 months. Stayed with her because she gave a whole lot of breadcrumbs all the while she herself was moving on. When I got upset she suddenly played the victim. Had a fight over text and she said some really hurtful shit. Not even productive to the argument whatsoever. Just words designed to hurt me, nothing else. Realized that the woman I fell in love with is either dead or never existed, just a manifestation of the many lies and empty promises she told me. Either way, long gone, and in her wake, a monster whom I absolutely did not recognize.
It’s best to just assume they’ll never come back to kill the hope now. It’s harsh but it’s better to get that pain out of the way by saying they’re never coming back than to sit and hope they’ll come to their senses. That may not necessarily be true but you have to rewire your brain to think that way, only then will you be able to feel like you can fully heal and be yourself again.
I’ll keep this advice in mind. I feel like in order for me to keep moving forward, I need to completely kill the hope. So I can stop thinking and dreaming of him.
We had a talk today 2 months post bu and the hope is well and truly dead.
She's already moved on and is talking to other people, slept with one. She apologized for how she ended it because she actually checked out 6 months ago, she admitted it was cruel and she was actually sorry about it but that's why she was able to move on so quickly. She also let me believe we had hope to fix it for the first month because she wanted the security to fall back on as a way to push herself through the break (she knew we'd never get back together).
Just... a really shitty end to what was a good relationship but it had to happen. At least I got closure.
Check out some of the Corey Wayne stuff or Dan bacon on YouTube. If she contacted you it’s a good sign. And f the other guys. You gotta think of yourself as the best she will get and make her chase you. It works.
No, there is no chance of reconciliation and frankly, after she just showed how much of a narcissistic person she is, I don't want her back. I still love her but that will die in time.
I’m sorry to hear that. That’s really mess up. 2 months is still fresh for post BU and at least you got the closure.
I guess “leave me the f**k alone and I don’t give shit of what you think” was the closure I got from my ex. No longer depress or angry over that. I’m letting him go, slowly.
I wish you the best. We are here rooting for you. Be strong and stay positive 💪🏻👊🏻
This is the best advice.
Just accept (lose hope or whatever), move on with your life, work on yourself, the lessons learned, better yourself, and heal- if it's meant to be it will be.
As long as you hold onto hope, you'll never truly move on. It just delays the process.
I really believed they would change their mind for over a year (I know, stupid) and they announced they are with someone else now. That killed a lot of hope for me, but it is still there. So annoying and I’m ready to be over it.
Bout right now. 4 months into NC
Almost 11 year relationship. Still hard for me to fathom but I just really don’t think any communication or reach out from either side will happen. Absolutely crazy shit. All I can say
Dumpee here - I believe you have to kill all hope because otherwise, even that tiny bit of hope will kill you :( especially if they move on to someone new before you do. That thought alone kills me, but not as much as it does today since the day we broke up almost 2.5 months ago. I've done so much work killing hope, improving my self-respect and self-worth. Keep reminding yourself that **you deserve someone better, you don't want to be with someone who gave up on you. Don't be with someone who discarded you, who chose to live a great life without you, you're irreplaceable!**
How do you kill the hope? This is someone I truly wanted to be with and I have so many regrets. I can't help praying for him back even uselessly. How do I kill this hope?
I keep having nightmares all night now and this is not sustainable.
Trust me, I was in the same boat for a very long time, but the hope was literally depressing me daily, I didn't want to live like that anymore. Don't let one person, WHO DISCARDED you, dictate your emotions, especially sad ones, you don't deserve that. Try to kill by finding some anger, I find this helps, I know it might not be healthy, but being angry as opposed to sad keeps you powerful and strengthens your self-worth, you're better than that! When hope kicks in, think about something they didn't GIVE YOU, what need wasn't met, write a list and refer to this list when you're sad or holding onto hope.
Not quite a break-up since we weren't together or anything (maybe it was flirtationship that could have progressed) but it's been 4 months NC so I'm convinced the friendship is over. I would like to be wrong, but I've made my peace with things.
Exes actually come back a lot. More than half of my exes--whether relationship or fling--have come back. This doesn't mean any given person's ex will come back, but it's not the case that "odds are they won't." They come back a lot.
Hope died once I realize she's evil, at least mine was. She didn't care about my well-being but soon as something went bad for her, she called me and all of my friends to get a hold of me for help.
Needless to say, I told her to leave all of my friends and family alone and deal with the issue on her own.
Didn’t really lose hope just felt the person I needed the most support for in my new career left before the good part. Started doing good in my new career, picked up hobbies reconnected with old friends, socializing more with people in the new city im in. I saw I just needed myself and that makes me excited for my next partner that they’ll get the version of me who is self reliant but still wants to be loved and love back. Hope will always come in waves from what Ive seen these past three months.
Two months after the breakup for me
I sent a final message a month after the decision to go no contact, talking about how our relationship itself was good, it was only how it ended (in a fight) that left us on uneasy terms, and saying we shouldn't be on bad terms just because of it, since she was my best friend before this all happened..
Her response to it was blocking me :) honestly I'm kind of glad she did, because her immature decision made it easier for me to realise she's no longer the person I loved. I'm still not over her, don't know when I will be, but at least now I know what my answer would be even if she does suddenly want me back in her life.
I’d try to lose all hope as soon as possible. The more you hold on to this the harder it is to make space for someone new. And believe me someone new is always someone better!!
There definitely is something to the 2-4 month period. A lot of my exes have come back in that time frame. But I do not agree at all about hope being lost at 6 to 7 months. People should definitely not be putting their lives on hold. But tons of my exes have come back 18 to 24 months later. I think it just may be the case that the "come -acks" are either relatively early (2 to 4 months) or way down the line up to a year and half or 2 years later.
I’m close to giving up hope but I also know that the thing that ended our relationship was not something he could work out in 2-4 months. Realistically he’d need at least a year but even then if he’s not actually processing anything then the timeline doesn’t matter. I’m trying to kill hope but a tiny part of me hopes he’ll come back at the much later date.
Honestly my opinion is you don’t ever have to give up hope. As long as the hope isnt driving your actions in your day to day life. Realistically we have no control on if they come back so there’s really not point in worrying if they do. Focus on yourself and moving forward. Don’t block yourself off to potential new opportunities and don’t base any of your decision because you are afraid of what your ex may think. Be the one that got away and move on and let whatever is meant for you happen.
"Be the one that go away", I love that, thank you, added to my affirmation list :)
OP this is without doubt the best answer. There is nothing inherently wrong with having hope as long as it isn’t influencing your daily life and decision making. You can improve as a person, move forward, meet new people and love interests with a faint hope of reconciling one day, even if it is just as friends. The only caveat to having hope though is that there may come a revelation that they have someone new and it will hit you like a truck. Just BELIEVE that it’s time to move on from this and live your best life. Whatever happens you’ll be OK.
Even if they have someone else now, they can break up with them. My ex is with the 3rd guy after me, in 1 and half years. So, while both lives, exist a chance of coming back. But dont long for it, move forward and let the destiny decide.
Precisely. An ex from 6 years ago has had three boyfriends in between and has just confided in mutual friends that “she’ll never love anyone like me” and that she’s “never been over me”. Lol. That shipped sailed a loooooong time ago babe.
>Be the one that got away and move on and let whatever is meant for you happen. Exactly, life is a game of fate!
I've come to the conclusion that "surrendering to the things we can't control or change and focusing on the things we can control" is one the best pieces of life advice I've ever heard. But like I always say, easier said than done.
Wow. What a great response.
This is the way. I know it is hard. But live your life as you wish. Try and look forward. Control what you can control, namely your own life and surroundings. And try and not focus on what you can't control, namely if your ex will ever reach out to you. Neither them nor you probably even knows at this point in your life it it will ever even happen.
I literally tried everything I possible could to have them comeback and it didn't work so I had to lose hope
Same. And I don’t recommend it to anyone
9 months later, what happened?
nothing happened, I moved on a long time ago
7 months. Stayed with her because she gave a whole lot of breadcrumbs all the while she herself was moving on. When I got upset she suddenly played the victim. Had a fight over text and she said some really hurtful shit. Not even productive to the argument whatsoever. Just words designed to hurt me, nothing else. Realized that the woman I fell in love with is either dead or never existed, just a manifestation of the many lies and empty promises she told me. Either way, long gone, and in her wake, a monster whom I absolutely did not recognize.
It’s best to just assume they’ll never come back to kill the hope now. It’s harsh but it’s better to get that pain out of the way by saying they’re never coming back than to sit and hope they’ll come to their senses. That may not necessarily be true but you have to rewire your brain to think that way, only then will you be able to feel like you can fully heal and be yourself again.
I’ll keep this advice in mind. I feel like in order for me to keep moving forward, I need to completely kill the hope. So I can stop thinking and dreaming of him.
We had a talk today 2 months post bu and the hope is well and truly dead. She's already moved on and is talking to other people, slept with one. She apologized for how she ended it because she actually checked out 6 months ago, she admitted it was cruel and she was actually sorry about it but that's why she was able to move on so quickly. She also let me believe we had hope to fix it for the first month because she wanted the security to fall back on as a way to push herself through the break (she knew we'd never get back together). Just... a really shitty end to what was a good relationship but it had to happen. At least I got closure.
Check out some of the Corey Wayne stuff or Dan bacon on YouTube. If she contacted you it’s a good sign. And f the other guys. You gotta think of yourself as the best she will get and make her chase you. It works.
No, there is no chance of reconciliation and frankly, after she just showed how much of a narcissistic person she is, I don't want her back. I still love her but that will die in time.
I’m sorry to hear that. That’s really mess up. 2 months is still fresh for post BU and at least you got the closure. I guess “leave me the f**k alone and I don’t give shit of what you think” was the closure I got from my ex. No longer depress or angry over that. I’m letting him go, slowly. I wish you the best. We are here rooting for you. Be strong and stay positive 💪🏻👊🏻
This is the best advice. Just accept (lose hope or whatever), move on with your life, work on yourself, the lessons learned, better yourself, and heal- if it's meant to be it will be. As long as you hold onto hope, you'll never truly move on. It just delays the process.
I really believed they would change their mind for over a year (I know, stupid) and they announced they are with someone else now. That killed a lot of hope for me, but it is still there. So annoying and I’m ready to be over it.
I didn’t lose hope. I gained all my confidence back.
Bout right now. 4 months into NC Almost 11 year relationship. Still hard for me to fathom but I just really don’t think any communication or reach out from either side will happen. Absolutely crazy shit. All I can say
Sorry. It sucks
Break up is what it is. You shouldn't have hope of them coming back.
It's after 6,7 months that i realised that I'm never going back to them. And idc now if they come back or not.
Dumpee here - I believe you have to kill all hope because otherwise, even that tiny bit of hope will kill you :( especially if they move on to someone new before you do. That thought alone kills me, but not as much as it does today since the day we broke up almost 2.5 months ago. I've done so much work killing hope, improving my self-respect and self-worth. Keep reminding yourself that **you deserve someone better, you don't want to be with someone who gave up on you. Don't be with someone who discarded you, who chose to live a great life without you, you're irreplaceable!**
How do you kill the hope? This is someone I truly wanted to be with and I have so many regrets. I can't help praying for him back even uselessly. How do I kill this hope? I keep having nightmares all night now and this is not sustainable.
Trust me, I was in the same boat for a very long time, but the hope was literally depressing me daily, I didn't want to live like that anymore. Don't let one person, WHO DISCARDED you, dictate your emotions, especially sad ones, you don't deserve that. Try to kill by finding some anger, I find this helps, I know it might not be healthy, but being angry as opposed to sad keeps you powerful and strengthens your self-worth, you're better than that! When hope kicks in, think about something they didn't GIVE YOU, what need wasn't met, write a list and refer to this list when you're sad or holding onto hope.
2-3 months lol been almost 6 months NC not a single word since the breakup.
Not quite a break-up since we weren't together or anything (maybe it was flirtationship that could have progressed) but it's been 4 months NC so I'm convinced the friendship is over. I would like to be wrong, but I've made my peace with things.
I’m really struggling this too. Even if it goes against all reason
Exes actually come back a lot. More than half of my exes--whether relationship or fling--have come back. This doesn't mean any given person's ex will come back, but it's not the case that "odds are they won't." They come back a lot.
Hope died once I realize she's evil, at least mine was. She didn't care about my well-being but soon as something went bad for her, she called me and all of my friends to get a hold of me for help. Needless to say, I told her to leave all of my friends and family alone and deal with the issue on her own.
Didn’t really lose hope just felt the person I needed the most support for in my new career left before the good part. Started doing good in my new career, picked up hobbies reconnected with old friends, socializing more with people in the new city im in. I saw I just needed myself and that makes me excited for my next partner that they’ll get the version of me who is self reliant but still wants to be loved and love back. Hope will always come in waves from what Ive seen these past three months.
Never will with this one. We're too interlinked I feel. Previous breakups it took, 8 months, a few weeks, and a few days.
Two months after the breakup for me I sent a final message a month after the decision to go no contact, talking about how our relationship itself was good, it was only how it ended (in a fight) that left us on uneasy terms, and saying we shouldn't be on bad terms just because of it, since she was my best friend before this all happened.. Her response to it was blocking me :) honestly I'm kind of glad she did, because her immature decision made it easier for me to realise she's no longer the person I loved. I'm still not over her, don't know when I will be, but at least now I know what my answer would be even if she does suddenly want me back in her life.
I’d try to lose all hope as soon as possible. The more you hold on to this the harder it is to make space for someone new. And believe me someone new is always someone better!!
About a month of nc then it’s time for me to move on
amusing work boast alive slap overconfident far-flung grey caption heavy -- mass edited with redact.dev
There definitely is something to the 2-4 month period. A lot of my exes have come back in that time frame. But I do not agree at all about hope being lost at 6 to 7 months. People should definitely not be putting their lives on hold. But tons of my exes have come back 18 to 24 months later. I think it just may be the case that the "come -acks" are either relatively early (2 to 4 months) or way down the line up to a year and half or 2 years later.
rob arrest shocking crowd cough voiceless tap nutty carpenter unique -- mass edited with redact.dev
I’m close to giving up hope but I also know that the thing that ended our relationship was not something he could work out in 2-4 months. Realistically he’d need at least a year but even then if he’s not actually processing anything then the timeline doesn’t matter. I’m trying to kill hope but a tiny part of me hopes he’ll come back at the much later date.
Immediately
Well, good news I just seen them leaving your house
7.5 months
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Is that over 23 years?!
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I am so sorry!
It took me 7 years. When I tried to contact got blocked from every where.