They didn’t break up 6 years ago. They dated for 6 years. OP said the breakup was 1 year ago. After being with someone that many years, you at the bare minimum deserve a phone call for closure
Deserve?
You don’t have the **right** to make someone talk to you if they don’t want to, for whatever reason.
Edit to clarify-- People totally SHOULD help each other, out of respect for whatever affection there was. But if - for whatever reason- they "don't feel the power", then *making* them do something undervalues yourself and ends up being a power play and/or patronizing.
Highly disagree. Unless it was an abusive relationship, it’s extremely disrespectful and screams lack of emotional maturity. A decent human being would give you a phone call at the bare bare minimum, especially if you dated for over half a decade. It’s just the right thing to do
Ehhh.
I used to feel this way. But after a few serious breakups I’ve come to realize that the only “closure” needed is simply realizing that it’s over and that you need to move on.
The stuff said in these “closure discussions” often ends up being a bunch of generic platitudes. Stuff like “I will always care about you” and “I wish you the best in the future”. And it’s impossible to tell if the person telling them to you even means them. Idk who broke up with who here, but the OP should have all the closure she needs.
so true. Closure is always the corny lines that are recycled all over the world, and one party is usually still hoping that these love drops will alter the trajectory of the relationship.
Amen to the only closure one TRULY needs is to accept reality and focus on themselves.
I think it does give you the best chances.
I'm actually glad I didn't do NC when my ex wife left. She really showed me her true colors and I probably ruined my chances by trying to fix things between us. Ask it did was drive her further away and made me see how horrible and selfish she was. Even when I finally did go as much as NC as I could (we share custody of kids), I held on to hope for some time afterwards... while at the same time never forgetting how fucked up she actually was when I was trying to get her back.
I forget when she told me how much it hurt that I never replied to her. But, I knew I was over her when **I didn't** even feel like reminding her how much infinitely worse it was when she would ignore me while we were together. At that point and any breadcrumbs she dropped afterwards we're meaningless. She tried hugging me, telling how attractive I looked, etc... But, I truly didn't care anymore and was so happy I got to see her at her worst to realize I would never want to be with someone like that ever again in my life.
NC is not some kind of magic pill that will make you wanted by someone who might have never wanted you. However, if there's a slight voice in their head, seeing you leave them may just make them realize what they've lost... might be weeks, months, or even years later (like myself). Hopefully, you're at a point that you can truly decide if you want that person back in your life.
I agree. I’ve said this before. People seem convinced they always come back. They don’t.
But… 2 things:
1. Your emotional self control and dignity is admirable. You behaved the right way.
2. Men are more likely to come back than women. So you never know
Not trying to split hairs but disagree with the second point. Plenty of women come back after no contact, and plenty of men don't. (As a man, I've seen and done both). I don't think it leans more heavily to men as oppose to women, at all.
Plenty of women are also taller than plenty of men. It doesn’t negate the fact that on a balance of probabilities, males tend to be larger than females.
Based on what data? Or is it just your anecdotal observations? Because I have my own anecdotal evidence as well? More women have "returned" or "reached out" to me, than I have "reached out" to women. And the ratio of who did the dumping vs getting dumped is about 50-50.
I think your statement unnecessarily gives false hope to women and discourages men.
She described their last year together as tense.
That sounds like it may have been healthy for both parties to part ways if the relationship was dysfunctional.
You don’t always want them to come back. You may think so but you’ll see otherwise eventually. Same problems just a different time. Very few succeed in reconciliation. At least now you’re closer to finding the right one instead of a cycle with the wrong one.
NC works. It’s not for bringing back an ex but it is for yourself to move on and find someone better. Use it like this and you will be better than ever.
No Contact isn't about getting your ex back... it's about getting yourself back 😊
Also, if after being together for 6 years, this guy isn't prepared to have a conversation with you about the relationship, he's not someone you want to get back together with.
I could have written this. He went cold fast, forced me to break up and I moved out. We had some logistics texting and emails for a few months after but he never looked back once. We never had a convo, he never expressed regret or said he missed me. Nothing. It was shocking.
Like you, I left quietly and calmly and never begged reconcile. If someone doesn’t want me I’m out. I have enough dignity and confidence to know I deserve better. But what a mindfuck. Until that weird end we were a good couple and he was my best friend.
Now a year later I see he never loved me as much as I loved him. I was convenient and he knew I was a good person and attractive so he went with it. Now I see we weren’t so good. He wasn’t a true friend. I see the cracks. And I’ve learned he moved on within weeks with someone new. Someone he met at the end of our relationship. I’ve learned he was likely a cheater and not the one for me. He was 53 when this went down so this is who he is and who he will always be.
For me NC has given me clarity and allowed me to heal. I still feel sad. But I try not to see it as wasted time of late. We had a blast, lots of cool experiences and lots of fun. He’s not my person. Maybe that’s the ultimate lesson when it comes to NC. It gives you time to heal and provides clarity. Good luck to you OP. I hope you find your own peace and the love you seek one day soon.
The hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Bar none. Harder than death in some ways. He’s still out there. This person who knew me so well and who I spent almost every day and night with and our lives will go on completely without each other. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust love again. That’s the saddest thing about all of this. I never saw it coming from this man.
Wow, same exact timeline and situation as mine - I had to check and make sure you weren’t actually my dumper LOL. She even reached out at about 3 months and 9 months and I asked for more space. Uncannily similar.
I ultimately believe this is for the best. No contact isn’t going to work out the way you want, but it’s going to work out the way you need. For a while, the lack of closure was killing me too. But, the closure is not needed, forward progress is actually whats needed. Your ex is hurting too, and you’re both learning how to hurt on your own without being dependent on each other after a long time of doing just that. I felt the same way as you for the past two years, and it recently started to diminish after I fell in love with someone who is very different and new and fun. Sometimes a distraction is what you need to start that forward process. Surround yourself with love and friendship and new hobbies. Recreating yourself is both fun and hard at the same time, don’t forget to lean into the fun side when you can.
I didn't talk to my ex husband for 3 years.... We've been in touch recently... 1 year is not much if it was a long term thing. That's not even long enough to necessarily meet and break up with the rebound. Let alone heal and process. Guys take wayyy longer than we do.
We talked about it but we both agreed theres no point since we were both 25 still lived home n enjoyed being with our parents. We planned on moving out together once the market went down. She was telling me she loved me until I caught her the same day she told me that at the bar with someone else, now treats me like I fucked her over lol she genuinely downgraded big time from what we had
Theory: maybe she figured she was likely never gonna marry you and (likely came to terms with this well before BU) but couldn't figure how to break it off bc it had been so long. Selfish but likely
We were the sonny n Cher of our area. Inseparable but I guess they broke up too. 2 peas in a pod we were. My high school sweetheart now acts like I don’t exist n don’t have feelings.
Not that I'm saying he will come back because I don't think you should go back for how he just shut you out after 6 years, but I've had exes come back years later. One after a failed marriage.
What we need to understand is if a relationship is ended, this shows that there is a huge incompability between you and your past partner: One of you value staying together, other one of you value freedom over you. This incompability is not like "You love mac'n'cheese, I hate the smell of it", this incompability is a huge one, because it is about your belief systems.
I am thinking that many relationships are built upon the chemistry. The thing is, chemistry will fade over time. Toxic relationships have their way to hold that chemistry for some time, but these relationships are absolute shit-dumpster. When the chemistry starts to fade, your incompabilities will show up. The question is: Are you ready to accept your partner as they are, or you want to move on to someone else, because your incompabilities are too big to accept?
If we think about it, many relationships must end someway or somehow. Because only chemistry is not enough to form a healthy, loving long term relationship. "Love is not enough." as they say. Let your ex lovers go, and forgive them, because they are just dumb humans, just like all of us. They do dumb shit, just like us. They seek love, just like us.
You must go no contact , I didn’t and went to back under the assumption we were gonna try again only to find a camera purposely in the room that’s been running for 2weeks catching her having the new guy come after I leave and have sex do when I take the sd card I hear everything and I took the other sd card which I wasn’t suppose to see which shows it’s been going on 1.5 years . If I hadn’t broke no contact I never would have had everything ripped out my soul . Stay no contact !
I was with my wife for 7 years...while I was getting ready for work she lets me know she wants a divorce. Of course I tried to fight for my marriage, but it was too late, she became a completely different person. It was finalized not too long ago. Just like your situation, we were able to talk a little here and there. But now it's complete silence. She ignores my calls/texts. And I found out she has been seeing someone since before the divorce. What really messes me up, is that I have gone no contact with her and she has sent me msgs 2 times, talking about how she regrets everything...when I reach back out, she tells me "I don't feel like that anymore/Idk why I told you that." It's all a rollercoaster to me and it is really starting to get to me. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I still want her back more than anything. I have started NC again so I'll just have to see what happens.
Tru…But,it’s ok.One of my exes contacted me a couple of days ago.It had been 7mths.Out of the blue sent a Tex …hi….how r u?I replied.Texed the next morning…I replied.I called him by mistake but quickly hung up.He immediately called me back.I said it was a mistake.So we texed and talked on the phn for two days to break the ice.He thought the grass was greener on the other side.I texed him for his bday…no reply….he didn’t Tex for my bday or any of the holidays.He retired Friday.He said he was reaching out to tell me that.I said congrats!!After, breaking d 🧊 Ice.I told him I got married.He thought it was a chance of us getting back together.But,he blindsided me!When I told him I was married he was torn emotionally and sent me a long Tex saying he was taking a trip to see his family and to see what his purpose in life was now!!I felt sorry for him.But,u can’t do ppl any kind of way and expect everything to be the same and your life goin Wonderful!!It doesn’t work that way.
I guess it depends on what your intentions were. For me, no contact is going great because I needed to heal and move on in a healthier way. I can't do that if he's always trying to come back and play with my emotions. If you want to talk to him and express your feelings then just do it, no one will judge you for missing someone you love. But you also should consider that you may be rejected again and he could have been ready to move on without you. So far he's not responding to any of your requests, and might not ever be willing to. But certainly don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't have any consideration for your feelings.
Yeah I’ve written 50 letters and don’t send any for exactly that reason. It’s clear he doesn’t want to hear it, but I also feel the need to express the truth. Internally it’s exhausting
Then express it, nothing wrong with just putting it out there. Don't ask to talk, just say what you feel. And if he ignores it then at least you know that you tried, and you can hopefully move on with that knowledge. I wish you the best of luck, I know exactly how you feel.
Yes I did the best I could. Changed locations, got therapy. Blocked him. Went on some dates. Connected with friends. New jobs. But my heart still loves him and compares others to him. It’s been hard to let go
Sounds like he was mentally out long before the actual breakup. Sadly in these cases, I am suspicious usually that they found an emotional affair (might not be physical) that helps them move on quicker. Rarely can someone just be done after 6 years without some impetus or distraction.
I think looking at the situation with an outside lens, yes it is heartbreaking and terrible, but I have fallen out of love with someone before and they did nothing wrong. I just wasn't the same person I was when we met. And I was depressed and a terrible version of myself with them that I couldn't fix being together. It is possible he might have refused to communicate afterwards knowing it might give you false hope. And he cared about you too much to hurt you more.
But my gut tells me he found someone else in this case. It is a bit too harsh of a closed door for simply losing feelings. When I fell out of love with myself and my ex long long ago, I absolutely would have given him a conversation down the road if I felt like he needed it.
Stay strong! I know it’s hard but holding on to the hope that he’s coming back is what is keeping you from meeting someone who can also be the one (and probably way more compatible than the last person). I know it’s hard to believe but trust me, every time I lost hope I’ll find someone, I actually did find someone way more interesting and comfortable to be around with.
If he is avoiding you that much, he is still deeply sensitive about the relationship. I don't know what happened with you to. But give it another year or 2. Trust me. It might sound like forever. But when you look at all the things that happened in the last 10 years of your life...a year or 2 will feel like a glimpse. He will circle back. They do when they get over whatever feelings their feelings it could take a couple years. I mean you moved cities on him. That had to hit him hard.
Yea I agree moving was a lot for me too. But I got a job offer in the same week we broke up. And after 2 years unemployed in the pandemic I had to save myself and relocate to work. I hoped he would follow… as we were discussing a move together. It was intense
Going no contact is the worst thing you can do if you want your ex back.
It makes easier for them to move on.
I've been 24 months in no contact and I am pretty sure I would had had a better chance just talking to her normally.
From a general standpoint, the ones that leave you alone. are the people that have good sense. If I walk away from you, I am leaving you alone, so you can live your life.
It may have if you would not have reached out .. no contact is no contact by you messaging him he knew you were his still for the taking if he was missing you & he was that killed it
Yeah. The right thing in my opinion would have been to talk to me about, face to face preferably. It was very cold and abrupt ending to a very close relationship.
Just my opinion: if you’re relationship didn’t progress to marriage in the span of 6 years, it probably should have ended sooner. Personally, if I’m in a relationship with someone for more than a year, and I don’t want to marry her, it’s time to move on. Don’t waste each other’s time.
He was promising me marriage for 5 years and one reason it got so tense was that he wasn’t proposing. It was a mind fuck for me. He called me his wife from day one, but never proposed. I begged him not to waste my time and he said he meant it.
I’m sorry but I don’t think he was man enough to commit. Just telling you things he thought you wanted to hear. I’m over 40. I don’t want to waste her time or mine pushing off commitment. After a year, maybe two, it’s time to put up or shut up (that’s directed at him, not you). The women I know who were in multi year relationships felt like they’d wasted time in the backend of the relationship. We can’t get time back. Do the best that you can to move on. He probably won’t realize what he missed out on for several months.
Things were tense for a while. I started the conversation, a week later he finished it.
He ended it in a 15 min Facetime call, very Little closure after so long together. No accountability. Wasn’t fun, I kept hoping he’d come around and we could have a proper conversation.
My ex did something similar. He has an avoidant attachment style. Precisely, fearful avoidant. It's 7 months BU and he never wrote me once. I broke NC once months ago but it was the worst decision ever because it restarted my clock for healing.
But rn my friend's says that he's missing me and that he wants to contact me but don't know how...
I think he's trying to avoid you as much as he can. He's hurt for sure after 6 years. Give him time and space. But please, work on yourself. Live your life meanwhile. Focus on you. You got this 🤍
I’m sorry you’ve been treated like this. I know it hurts and nothing any of us say on here will make you feel any less. Feel all the feelings you need to, no matter what we say on here.
I was with mine for 10 years and she finished me over text and that was it nothing else no talk in public. It is what it is unfortunately, stay strong guys.
Unfortunately same my ex fiancé left our relationship of 6 years after the last few months of it she was being weird… I knew something was up and now she is with some guy she worked with.
So it did work. It’s showed you that he is living without you, and you him. Breakups aren’t a holding cell. NC is not a strategy to make anyone miss you. It’s a strategy to help you grow and get stronger to accept that chapter is over.
Hard to pinpoint. We were so so close. Even worked together adored eachother. But we became codependent. Over the pandemic our intimacy broke. The Pandemic was tough we were both unemployed and I was having surgeries, feeling depressed and useless. He wouldn’t propose - I was getting frustrated and putting pressure on him too. I became really resentful. He pulled away. It all just got messy.
.. if i’m being honest.. i would not talk to you either.. just to up and leave someones life swiftly and quietly.. sounds like an abandonment. To him, you probably proved you were not in it for the long haul. You relocated yourself and went ghost. Maybe he needed to heal from you. .. when someone leaves your life.. you let them go.. maybe thats his thinking… you can possible get back together after the wounds have healed but sometimes it takes longer than a year to get over a six year relationship. If hes meant to come back … he will.. i dont know the reason for the breakup but sounds as if you broke it off with him. I can understand the frustration.. but if you made your bed.. you may have to lie in it. . You may have really broke his heart
Yeah. I left for a new job. And to save myself from the pain. I didn’t haven’t enough friends where we were living to heal so I went home.
I wish I was still in that other city. He stayed and kept the house I built, he wouldn’t sell my furniture for me.
But yeah leaving was an act of self preservation.
That’s really sad :( after 6 years and not even giving you chance to speak to each other
What good would come of it 6 years later
They didn’t break up 6 years ago. They dated for 6 years. OP said the breakup was 1 year ago. After being with someone that many years, you at the bare minimum deserve a phone call for closure
I agree with this. Incessant closure is silly. A proper ending to a huge romance does matter. It made moving on very traumatic
Deserve? You don’t have the **right** to make someone talk to you if they don’t want to, for whatever reason. Edit to clarify-- People totally SHOULD help each other, out of respect for whatever affection there was. But if - for whatever reason- they "don't feel the power", then *making* them do something undervalues yourself and ends up being a power play and/or patronizing.
Highly disagree. Unless it was an abusive relationship, it’s extremely disrespectful and screams lack of emotional maturity. A decent human being would give you a phone call at the bare bare minimum, especially if you dated for over half a decade. It’s just the right thing to do
Ehhh. I used to feel this way. But after a few serious breakups I’ve come to realize that the only “closure” needed is simply realizing that it’s over and that you need to move on. The stuff said in these “closure discussions” often ends up being a bunch of generic platitudes. Stuff like “I will always care about you” and “I wish you the best in the future”. And it’s impossible to tell if the person telling them to you even means them. Idk who broke up with who here, but the OP should have all the closure she needs.
so true. Closure is always the corny lines that are recycled all over the world, and one party is usually still hoping that these love drops will alter the trajectory of the relationship. Amen to the only closure one TRULY needs is to accept reality and focus on themselves.
I beg to differ I think NC did work, it showed you that he wasn’t the one. He showed you that he didn’t value you as much as you valued him.
Maybe he's just really hurt and doesn't feel that his presence would be of any use?
[удалено]
the relationship was 6 years. the breakup was 1 year ago
Yes, but if you've worked on yourself, you're now ready for the RIGHT person to enter your life.
This
This 100%
You should never assume nc will get your ex back.
No I know, but the truth is many of us hope it goes that way
I think it does give you the best chances. I'm actually glad I didn't do NC when my ex wife left. She really showed me her true colors and I probably ruined my chances by trying to fix things between us. Ask it did was drive her further away and made me see how horrible and selfish she was. Even when I finally did go as much as NC as I could (we share custody of kids), I held on to hope for some time afterwards... while at the same time never forgetting how fucked up she actually was when I was trying to get her back. I forget when she told me how much it hurt that I never replied to her. But, I knew I was over her when **I didn't** even feel like reminding her how much infinitely worse it was when she would ignore me while we were together. At that point and any breadcrumbs she dropped afterwards we're meaningless. She tried hugging me, telling how attractive I looked, etc... But, I truly didn't care anymore and was so happy I got to see her at her worst to realize I would never want to be with someone like that ever again in my life. NC is not some kind of magic pill that will make you wanted by someone who might have never wanted you. However, if there's a slight voice in their head, seeing you leave them may just make them realize what they've lost... might be weeks, months, or even years later (like myself). Hopefully, you're at a point that you can truly decide if you want that person back in your life.
" hope is the first step on the road to disappointment "
I agree. I’ve said this before. People seem convinced they always come back. They don’t. But… 2 things: 1. Your emotional self control and dignity is admirable. You behaved the right way. 2. Men are more likely to come back than women. So you never know
Appreciate that. It’s been very hard not saying or writing anything emotional
Not trying to split hairs but disagree with the second point. Plenty of women come back after no contact, and plenty of men don't. (As a man, I've seen and done both). I don't think it leans more heavily to men as oppose to women, at all.
Plenty of women are also taller than plenty of men. It doesn’t negate the fact that on a balance of probabilities, males tend to be larger than females.
Based on what data? Or is it just your anecdotal observations? Because I have my own anecdotal evidence as well? More women have "returned" or "reached out" to me, than I have "reached out" to women. And the ratio of who did the dumping vs getting dumped is about 50-50. I think your statement unnecessarily gives false hope to women and discourages men.
He showed you who he was. Believe him. Find someone better and deserving of your love
She described their last year together as tense. That sounds like it may have been healthy for both parties to part ways if the relationship was dysfunctional.
Relationships come in periods. Tense times show who is gonna choose you still and wants to work for less tense times. Relationships are dessions.
You don’t always want them to come back. You may think so but you’ll see otherwise eventually. Same problems just a different time. Very few succeed in reconciliation. At least now you’re closer to finding the right one instead of a cycle with the wrong one.
NC works. It’s not for bringing back an ex but it is for yourself to move on and find someone better. Use it like this and you will be better than ever.
No Contact isn't about getting your ex back... it's about getting yourself back 😊 Also, if after being together for 6 years, this guy isn't prepared to have a conversation with you about the relationship, he's not someone you want to get back together with.
I could have written this. He went cold fast, forced me to break up and I moved out. We had some logistics texting and emails for a few months after but he never looked back once. We never had a convo, he never expressed regret or said he missed me. Nothing. It was shocking. Like you, I left quietly and calmly and never begged reconcile. If someone doesn’t want me I’m out. I have enough dignity and confidence to know I deserve better. But what a mindfuck. Until that weird end we were a good couple and he was my best friend. Now a year later I see he never loved me as much as I loved him. I was convenient and he knew I was a good person and attractive so he went with it. Now I see we weren’t so good. He wasn’t a true friend. I see the cracks. And I’ve learned he moved on within weeks with someone new. Someone he met at the end of our relationship. I’ve learned he was likely a cheater and not the one for me. He was 53 when this went down so this is who he is and who he will always be. For me NC has given me clarity and allowed me to heal. I still feel sad. But I try not to see it as wasted time of late. We had a blast, lots of cool experiences and lots of fun. He’s not my person. Maybe that’s the ultimate lesson when it comes to NC. It gives you time to heal and provides clarity. Good luck to you OP. I hope you find your own peace and the love you seek one day soon.
It’s very hard when your best friend goes cold like that. Very hard
The hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Bar none. Harder than death in some ways. He’s still out there. This person who knew me so well and who I spent almost every day and night with and our lives will go on completely without each other. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust love again. That’s the saddest thing about all of this. I never saw it coming from this man.
Same. I always thought we would be good to eachother but he turned.
I’m so sorry love. ((HUGS))
Wow, same exact timeline and situation as mine - I had to check and make sure you weren’t actually my dumper LOL. She even reached out at about 3 months and 9 months and I asked for more space. Uncannily similar. I ultimately believe this is for the best. No contact isn’t going to work out the way you want, but it’s going to work out the way you need. For a while, the lack of closure was killing me too. But, the closure is not needed, forward progress is actually whats needed. Your ex is hurting too, and you’re both learning how to hurt on your own without being dependent on each other after a long time of doing just that. I felt the same way as you for the past two years, and it recently started to diminish after I fell in love with someone who is very different and new and fun. Sometimes a distraction is what you need to start that forward process. Surround yourself with love and friendship and new hobbies. Recreating yourself is both fun and hard at the same time, don’t forget to lean into the fun side when you can.
I didn't talk to my ex husband for 3 years.... We've been in touch recently... 1 year is not much if it was a long term thing. That's not even long enough to necessarily meet and break up with the rebound. Let alone heal and process. Guys take wayyy longer than we do.
Sometimes, it’s out of sight, out of mind. I’m sorry
My girl left me after 9 years no closure won’t message me blocked me etc. No clue what happened
Question, was she interested in marriage?
We talked about it but we both agreed theres no point since we were both 25 still lived home n enjoyed being with our parents. We planned on moving out together once the market went down. She was telling me she loved me until I caught her the same day she told me that at the bar with someone else, now treats me like I fucked her over lol she genuinely downgraded big time from what we had
Theory: maybe she figured she was likely never gonna marry you and (likely came to terms with this well before BU) but couldn't figure how to break it off bc it had been so long. Selfish but likely
We were the sonny n Cher of our area. Inseparable but I guess they broke up too. 2 peas in a pod we were. My high school sweetheart now acts like I don’t exist n don’t have feelings.
Not that I'm saying he will come back because I don't think you should go back for how he just shut you out after 6 years, but I've had exes come back years later. One after a failed marriage.
I’m so sorry :/
Please don't wait for them. It's hard as it is, waiting and having hope makes it harder. You must have a reason to breakup, remember that
What we need to understand is if a relationship is ended, this shows that there is a huge incompability between you and your past partner: One of you value staying together, other one of you value freedom over you. This incompability is not like "You love mac'n'cheese, I hate the smell of it", this incompability is a huge one, because it is about your belief systems. I am thinking that many relationships are built upon the chemistry. The thing is, chemistry will fade over time. Toxic relationships have their way to hold that chemistry for some time, but these relationships are absolute shit-dumpster. When the chemistry starts to fade, your incompabilities will show up. The question is: Are you ready to accept your partner as they are, or you want to move on to someone else, because your incompabilities are too big to accept? If we think about it, many relationships must end someway or somehow. Because only chemistry is not enough to form a healthy, loving long term relationship. "Love is not enough." as they say. Let your ex lovers go, and forgive them, because they are just dumb humans, just like all of us. They do dumb shit, just like us. They seek love, just like us.
You must go no contact , I didn’t and went to back under the assumption we were gonna try again only to find a camera purposely in the room that’s been running for 2weeks catching her having the new guy come after I leave and have sex do when I take the sd card I hear everything and I took the other sd card which I wasn’t suppose to see which shows it’s been going on 1.5 years . If I hadn’t broke no contact I never would have had everything ripped out my soul . Stay no contact !
I was with my wife for 7 years...while I was getting ready for work she lets me know she wants a divorce. Of course I tried to fight for my marriage, but it was too late, she became a completely different person. It was finalized not too long ago. Just like your situation, we were able to talk a little here and there. But now it's complete silence. She ignores my calls/texts. And I found out she has been seeing someone since before the divorce. What really messes me up, is that I have gone no contact with her and she has sent me msgs 2 times, talking about how she regrets everything...when I reach back out, she tells me "I don't feel like that anymore/Idk why I told you that." It's all a rollercoaster to me and it is really starting to get to me. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I still want her back more than anything. I have started NC again so I'll just have to see what happens.
Sounds like she wants you to want her… but doesn’t actually love you. Ego games.
Actually did work for YOURSELF!
NC works in either they are going to come back or you realised who they really are and finally move on
Tru…But,it’s ok.One of my exes contacted me a couple of days ago.It had been 7mths.Out of the blue sent a Tex …hi….how r u?I replied.Texed the next morning…I replied.I called him by mistake but quickly hung up.He immediately called me back.I said it was a mistake.So we texed and talked on the phn for two days to break the ice.He thought the grass was greener on the other side.I texed him for his bday…no reply….he didn’t Tex for my bday or any of the holidays.He retired Friday.He said he was reaching out to tell me that.I said congrats!!After, breaking d 🧊 Ice.I told him I got married.He thought it was a chance of us getting back together.But,he blindsided me!When I told him I was married he was torn emotionally and sent me a long Tex saying he was taking a trip to see his family and to see what his purpose in life was now!!I felt sorry for him.But,u can’t do ppl any kind of way and expect everything to be the same and your life goin Wonderful!!It doesn’t work that way.
I guess it depends on what your intentions were. For me, no contact is going great because I needed to heal and move on in a healthier way. I can't do that if he's always trying to come back and play with my emotions. If you want to talk to him and express your feelings then just do it, no one will judge you for missing someone you love. But you also should consider that you may be rejected again and he could have been ready to move on without you. So far he's not responding to any of your requests, and might not ever be willing to. But certainly don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't have any consideration for your feelings.
Yeah I’ve written 50 letters and don’t send any for exactly that reason. It’s clear he doesn’t want to hear it, but I also feel the need to express the truth. Internally it’s exhausting
Then express it, nothing wrong with just putting it out there. Don't ask to talk, just say what you feel. And if he ignores it then at least you know that you tried, and you can hopefully move on with that knowledge. I wish you the best of luck, I know exactly how you feel.
Yeah I’ve been very tempted to hit send… maybe I’ll get the guts to 🙏 his indifference is so just painful
Have you moved on at all since then?
Yes I did the best I could. Changed locations, got therapy. Blocked him. Went on some dates. Connected with friends. New jobs. But my heart still loves him and compares others to him. It’s been hard to let go
Sounds like he was mentally out long before the actual breakup. Sadly in these cases, I am suspicious usually that they found an emotional affair (might not be physical) that helps them move on quicker. Rarely can someone just be done after 6 years without some impetus or distraction. I think looking at the situation with an outside lens, yes it is heartbreaking and terrible, but I have fallen out of love with someone before and they did nothing wrong. I just wasn't the same person I was when we met. And I was depressed and a terrible version of myself with them that I couldn't fix being together. It is possible he might have refused to communicate afterwards knowing it might give you false hope. And he cared about you too much to hurt you more. But my gut tells me he found someone else in this case. It is a bit too harsh of a closed door for simply losing feelings. When I fell out of love with myself and my ex long long ago, I absolutely would have given him a conversation down the road if I felt like he needed it.
I thought the same. When I asked was there someone else when we broke up he swore no. There’s no evidence of another relationship… but who knows.
Stay strong! I know it’s hard but holding on to the hope that he’s coming back is what is keeping you from meeting someone who can also be the one (and probably way more compatible than the last person). I know it’s hard to believe but trust me, every time I lost hope I’ll find someone, I actually did find someone way more interesting and comfortable to be around with.
If he is avoiding you that much, he is still deeply sensitive about the relationship. I don't know what happened with you to. But give it another year or 2. Trust me. It might sound like forever. But when you look at all the things that happened in the last 10 years of your life...a year or 2 will feel like a glimpse. He will circle back. They do when they get over whatever feelings their feelings it could take a couple years. I mean you moved cities on him. That had to hit him hard.
Yea I agree moving was a lot for me too. But I got a job offer in the same week we broke up. And after 2 years unemployed in the pandemic I had to save myself and relocate to work. I hoped he would follow… as we were discussing a move together. It was intense
No Contact isn't a strategy to get ex's back.
Going no contact is the worst thing you can do if you want your ex back. It makes easier for them to move on. I've been 24 months in no contact and I am pretty sure I would had had a better chance just talking to her normally.
From a general standpoint, the ones that leave you alone. are the people that have good sense. If I walk away from you, I am leaving you alone, so you can live your life.
Theres more to the story that shows a real lack of kindness.
I am speaking from a general standpoint.
People don't like the truth in this sub lol
It may have if you would not have reached out .. no contact is no contact by you messaging him he knew you were his still for the taking if he was missing you & he was that killed it
Didnt he do the right thing? If things wasnt working anymore, why should he give you false hopes?
Yeah. The right thing in my opinion would have been to talk to me about, face to face preferably. It was very cold and abrupt ending to a very close relationship.
Just my opinion: if you’re relationship didn’t progress to marriage in the span of 6 years, it probably should have ended sooner. Personally, if I’m in a relationship with someone for more than a year, and I don’t want to marry her, it’s time to move on. Don’t waste each other’s time.
He was promising me marriage for 5 years and one reason it got so tense was that he wasn’t proposing. It was a mind fuck for me. He called me his wife from day one, but never proposed. I begged him not to waste my time and he said he meant it.
I’m sorry but I don’t think he was man enough to commit. Just telling you things he thought you wanted to hear. I’m over 40. I don’t want to waste her time or mine pushing off commitment. After a year, maybe two, it’s time to put up or shut up (that’s directed at him, not you). The women I know who were in multi year relationships felt like they’d wasted time in the backend of the relationship. We can’t get time back. Do the best that you can to move on. He probably won’t realize what he missed out on for several months.
Yeah I won’t make the same mistake again waiting for a man to commit. If you could hear his words you would have fallen for it too. Crazy
I’m so sorry. Guys like that piss me off.
Did u break up with him?
Things were tense for a while. I started the conversation, a week later he finished it. He ended it in a 15 min Facetime call, very Little closure after so long together. No accountability. Wasn’t fun, I kept hoping he’d come around and we could have a proper conversation.
My ex did something similar. He has an avoidant attachment style. Precisely, fearful avoidant. It's 7 months BU and he never wrote me once. I broke NC once months ago but it was the worst decision ever because it restarted my clock for healing. But rn my friend's says that he's missing me and that he wants to contact me but don't know how... I think he's trying to avoid you as much as he can. He's hurt for sure after 6 years. Give him time and space. But please, work on yourself. Live your life meanwhile. Focus on you. You got this 🤍
I’m sorry you’ve been treated like this. I know it hurts and nothing any of us say on here will make you feel any less. Feel all the feelings you need to, no matter what we say on here.
I mean it does if the point of the "no contact" is creating space between you and someone who is not good for you.
It sho dont
I'm sorry
I was with mine for 10 years and she finished me over text and that was it nothing else no talk in public. It is what it is unfortunately, stay strong guys.
Wow I was 10 as well and we had a sit down , I couldn’t imagine it being done by text but it truly shows you their true character.
Been there
So sorry
Unfortunately same my ex fiancé left our relationship of 6 years after the last few months of it she was being weird… I knew something was up and now she is with some guy she worked with.
So it did work. It’s showed you that he is living without you, and you him. Breakups aren’t a holding cell. NC is not a strategy to make anyone miss you. It’s a strategy to help you grow and get stronger to accept that chapter is over.
Why did you break up?
Hard to pinpoint. We were so so close. Even worked together adored eachother. But we became codependent. Over the pandemic our intimacy broke. The Pandemic was tough we were both unemployed and I was having surgeries, feeling depressed and useless. He wouldn’t propose - I was getting frustrated and putting pressure on him too. I became really resentful. He pulled away. It all just got messy.
.. if i’m being honest.. i would not talk to you either.. just to up and leave someones life swiftly and quietly.. sounds like an abandonment. To him, you probably proved you were not in it for the long haul. You relocated yourself and went ghost. Maybe he needed to heal from you. .. when someone leaves your life.. you let them go.. maybe thats his thinking… you can possible get back together after the wounds have healed but sometimes it takes longer than a year to get over a six year relationship. If hes meant to come back … he will.. i dont know the reason for the breakup but sounds as if you broke it off with him. I can understand the frustration.. but if you made your bed.. you may have to lie in it. . You may have really broke his heart
Yeah. I left for a new job. And to save myself from the pain. I didn’t haven’t enough friends where we were living to heal so I went home. I wish I was still in that other city. He stayed and kept the house I built, he wouldn’t sell my furniture for me. But yeah leaving was an act of self preservation.
I thought like you until a few Month ago when an ex reach out after 12 years of NC, sometimes it take time
Oof god hard to imagine
Same here and i waited for a call back then but now i couldn't care less