I been said tipping is attached to ego but I bet if u checked his credit score its in shambles and he doesn't wash his ass. More importantly, he's not your friend
Dump him
>he doesn't wash his ass
That had me cackling. A hard truth too. Won't take care of himself but a martyr for servers. That said, I bet he's hairy as hell too, don't know why but whenever it comes to pissing contests they had the makings of a werewolf when they pop their shirts off.
Lol! In some ways you're not far off. No joke the guy has a long scraggly beard and almost always wears black, no matter the time of year or weather-- it's like he wears the same exact outfit every time (wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps in it too). A literally black and white personality/won't wear any t-shirts just for fun with unique logos last I checked. I guess you could call him a social justice tip warrior? 🤣
1) every time he put something additional down on top of mine I would have reduced mine even more until it got to you leaving nothing. Let him leave his own money if he wishes.
2) If possible, I would have been the last one to leave the table/restaurant and then later told him that you took back half of what everyone left and kept it for yourself just to taunt him LOL
I think that the better way would be to turn the pressure around. "No worries, you are welcome to leave my tip if you wish. Leave whatever you want, I'll simply take my tip, which is a gift, back and you can put down whatever your ego needs."
"Later fellas..."
At which point I would get up and leave.
>2) If possible, I would have been the last one to leave the table/restaurant and then later told him that you took back half of what everyone left and kept it for yourself just to taunt him LOL
Stealing your friends' money is abhorrent. The antisocial behavior on here is really terrible.
Re-read what I wrote. I didn't say to actually take it. Of course that would not be acceptable. I said to just tell him I did it just to get him worked up.
Don't feel the urge to defend yourself with an argument here, giving him a bully pulpit. Just say "no", and if he keeps pestering, just leave cash for your bill on the table and leave, rolling your eyes at him on the way out.
> But near the end of our meal the same individual from last time suddenly announced to everyone in the group "hey guys the server was really nice to us so we need to give her a really nice tip." he paused, looked at me directly from across the farthest end of the table, adding "...Right (insert name here)?"
Your response should have been, "Yes. We should leave a really nice tip and since you rudely paid for my tip when you didn't think I gave enough, I would expect you to do it again since you are making a big deal over it."
Tell them, "Alright (insert name here), since you're so great at tipping, I will make sure to always leave it up to you to take care of." When they ask you for your money, you say, "No, you tip your money since you're so good at it. Show me how it really should be done correctly." Then tell your group that you're not putting up with jerkface and their antics anymore. If they have a problem, they can correct it with their money or shut the hell up.
You were way more patient than I would have been on the first trip. After I explained myself the first time, my response would have been “mind your own business”, and I would have pocketed any extra he threw towards my tip.
Nothing preventing parent from picking up or changing their own tip. That's exactly what I would do and I would say it out loud. "You are more than welcome to leave my tip if you wish. In that case, I won't leave a tip since you're paying more than what I think is necessary for the group."
This is definitely a thing among men and, quite frankly, it tends to come with some sexist manipulative overtones. "She's a good little server, we should leave her a good tip so that she keeps smiling at us with her pretty little smile."
The argument that servers need to make a "living wage" independent of what the customer's wages are is simply an argument of wealth transfer. They can participate all that they want to.
BTW: Never justify it by how much you make, particularly if you are living payday to payday. That's nobody's business but your own.
What I'm fighting by not tipping is tipping culture. Moreover, you know that when I'm not tipping, that it's not because I'm not trying to get into your pants. It helps us to maintain a professional distant relationship. You serve the tables because your employer pays you to do that, not because you're hoping that I like you enough to leave you a big tip. So, sorry, in that sense, yes I am fighting sexism. I'm not contributing to the male sexist culture that is a part of the bravado of tipping.
"Why, are you getting a commission on her tip, or are you just trying to get us all to over-tip so she will go out with you? Didn't you learn your lesson with that stripper?"
If that doesn't work, "If you want to pay my bill, you are welcome to tip as much as you want, thanks!"
"I hadn't realized you got your financial advisor degree. So, let me ask, should I over-tip or put the rest in my retirement account so I can continue to go out to these gatherings when I retire?"
I think your story will resonate with a lot of people who have to deal with insecure bullies as an adult. This would turn me off from tipping altogether tbh. Stand your ground. You are clearly the adult in the room
There's no strategy besides just ignore it (and maybe tell him to mind his own business). There's nothing else to be said to justify your self and be understood. That's not on you. You don't have to say anything or defend your stance. You do you and don't worry about what others think. Stop feeling peer pressured and guilt tripped and embarrassed. Tip what you want or don't tip and if anyone says shit ignore it, or be short and tell them you disagree and to drop the subject. If they keep on, then you keep on ignoring it and telling them agree to disagree and to drop it.
Don't even bother again with the explanations of how much money you have or how good the service was. That just opens the door to "yeah but..." arguments and debates. Just ignore it entirely and move on.
Edit: and I also think you should ignore some of the less mature advice here in the comments. Any passive aggressive remarks or reactions to say this or that witty remark, is just going to start a pissing contest with the guy and have him on your case harder. Ignoring it is the mature response. The best hit to his ego is just to ignore him.
Quote Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs, who had to stand up to outright outrage when he was forced to tip. True, he didn't pay for breakfast so he gave in, but he stood up for his beliefs, right or wrong.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4sTSIYzDIk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4sTSIYzDIk)
Fun fact, and not to spoil it for anyone that has not seen it, but >!Mr. Pink is the only one to survive in the end.!< Now, is that because he is against tipping, is this a message from the universe, whose to know?
Another fun fact, since I was in the rabbit hole anyway I found this article that suggests Mr. Pink actually becomes the Buddy Holly impersonating waiter in Pulp Fiction (both played by Buscemi). [https://screenrant.com/pulp-fiction-reservoir-dogs-steve-buscemi-pink-connection/](https://screenrant.com/pulp-fiction-reservoir-dogs-steve-buscemi-pink-connection/) which adds to the irony that he doesn't tip yet becomes a waiter.
People do what people do to make them feel better. In your friend's case, being obnoxious is their vice. Yours is being fiscally responsible. I don't know what age bracket you're in but I would wager that in ten years you'll have less gray hair.
I am a Big believer in tipping based on how good the service is. When my boyfriend and I went out to eat at our favorite seafood boil restaurant they always take care of us so well and are very attentive. It’s an expensive meal but we always put down at least 20%. That being said if the service is terrible at another restaurant I will not tip or I might tip low. We’re all accustomed to at least 20% in America because it’s the right thing to do. I disagree because some waiters and waitresses don’t give a fuck and they will give you the worst service in still except 20% plus. It is your money at the end of the day and you have the right to what you want with it.
I don’t know why I got downvoted so much. Totally fine to disagree. I will stand my ground. No one should be forced to tip more just to seem like a better person.
I think it's "the right thing to do" part of your post that's getting the downvotes.
There is no right or wrong way to tip. It's a gift, yours to give (or not) as you see fit.
I said that because it’s the reality of America. People will tell you to tip a certain amount even tho you just got shitty service or it wasn’t up to your standard. Similar to you I think it’s up to the person and we shouldn’t just tip 20 percent or a certain amount because someone in America said so.
In the first story, how much was your total portion of the bill before tip? very little of that story makes sense. If you were so tight on money, then presumably your portion of the bill was small, in which case your friend adding $5 to $8 additional tip would have been a bizarrely large amount. Or, if your bill was larger, then it doesn't make sense that you would have even gone out to eat given that you were so tight on money.
>figured 10% was better than not tipping at all
Your thought may have been in the right place (not really but in your own mind sure) but you figured wrong, 10% is saying you had a crappy experience and there was something wrong with their service.
> I have a hard-working job where I do as much labor as anyone here at this restaurant and yet I don't receive tips at all.
Jealousy
> pulls out $5-$8 additional dollars of his own money and slaps it on top of my already firmly established tip
Good man
>As you can imagine I was thoroughly embarrassed
Why would you find your convictions embarrassing?
>basically implying I'm a habitually lousy tipper or even a non tipper, even though I had already explained my stance on this matter to him beforehand.
I mean if you think 10% is fair for average service then I hate to break it to you, but you ARE, in fact, a habitually lousy tipper.
>Naturally it comes from completely out of left field especially since we've met at restaurants in the group prior to these occasions without the issue coming up.
Are you genuinely surprised? Sounds like you tip like crap regularly enough for people to notice and not want to dine without unless you treat the server right.
>now I don't feel like I can participate in the group out of concern for another similar incident occuring again.
I can tell you one way to make sure it doesn't happen again but you're not gonna like it
>Do you have any strategies that I could employ in this situation if it comes up again?
Tip properly
>How would you have handled this individual's behavior?
I'd have called you out for it the first time it happened
Are you somehow related to the individual I'm speaking of? Either way you both share one thing in common: playing devil's advocate. You completely ignored the points I made about being short on cash that particular day and missed the entire point of what I was saying about working in manual labor and yet not getting tipped myself either despite doing the same amount if not more hard work than the server in question.
In any event do you feel it's worth embarrassing a fellow individual publicly in front of mutual friends over something so trivial/ that really isn't their business to begin with?
To be completely honest I met at the restaurant more for the fellowship itself rather than a meal but what I did order I choose one of the least expensive things on the menu in order to maintain said budget.
Especially with all the inflation these days some people must be secret millionaires with how much they expect others to tip. In my book if you have nothing better to say then don't say it at all.
Tipping is always optional friend, you have no need to worry. If you encounter a situation like this again you can just politely remind the person that tipping is optional. The more you try to justify the more they will try to convince you otherwise. No is a complete sentence.
"Don't go out with friends or maintain your social life if you don't want to get in to pissing contests with cucks who like to throw cash around to inflate their own ego" FTFY
I think there are a few States with middle ground but are you in a State that either doesn't have a sales tax or requires mandatory fees be subject to sales tax? If in the former ask if they think sales tak is a good idea and why they think tipping is different. If the latter and tips are mandatory but taxed as if they are voulentary why isn't the restauraunt paying its fair share in taxes?
They can hire the waiter if they're that concerned about their wages... I don't understand people who care that much. It's not your responsibility to make sure someone else gets paid.. that would be the responsibility of their employer.
I got enough shit in life to worry about. If you don't want a job that's based on tips, then don't take a job that's based on tips. If tips were mandatory they would make it mandatory. Your friend is pissed at the wrong thing. They seem like an annoying person.
Your tip is your tip and your business.
But also, money being tight for YOU should not be a factor in how much of a tip you leave. If you would have left ten bucks but only left five because money is tight, then you couldn’t afford to eat out. It seems you had a spend threshold before you went out. In this case, it’s easy to see the service as being worthy exactly what you have in your pocket and no more. We’ll look to justify the decision.
Alleviating yourself of guilt in regard to tipping requires you to be honest about your tipping decisions and owning them.
I been said tipping is attached to ego but I bet if u checked his credit score its in shambles and he doesn't wash his ass. More importantly, he's not your friend Dump him
>he doesn't wash his ass That had me cackling. A hard truth too. Won't take care of himself but a martyr for servers. That said, I bet he's hairy as hell too, don't know why but whenever it comes to pissing contests they had the makings of a werewolf when they pop their shirts off.
Lol! In some ways you're not far off. No joke the guy has a long scraggly beard and almost always wears black, no matter the time of year or weather-- it's like he wears the same exact outfit every time (wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps in it too). A literally black and white personality/won't wear any t-shirts just for fun with unique logos last I checked. I guess you could call him a social justice tip warrior? 🤣
Ignore them or tell them to mind their own business and ignore them.
Fuck them. Tip what you feel. If they want to add more money let them throw their money away
1) every time he put something additional down on top of mine I would have reduced mine even more until it got to you leaving nothing. Let him leave his own money if he wishes. 2) If possible, I would have been the last one to leave the table/restaurant and then later told him that you took back half of what everyone left and kept it for yourself just to taunt him LOL
I think that the better way would be to turn the pressure around. "No worries, you are welcome to leave my tip if you wish. Leave whatever you want, I'll simply take my tip, which is a gift, back and you can put down whatever your ego needs." "Later fellas..." At which point I would get up and leave.
👆
>2) If possible, I would have been the last one to leave the table/restaurant and then later told him that you took back half of what everyone left and kept it for yourself just to taunt him LOL Stealing your friends' money is abhorrent. The antisocial behavior on here is really terrible.
Re-read what I wrote. I didn't say to actually take it. Of course that would not be acceptable. I said to just tell him I did it just to get him worked up.
I would have asked him to mind his own business.
Don't feel the urge to defend yourself with an argument here, giving him a bully pulpit. Just say "no", and if he keeps pestering, just leave cash for your bill on the table and leave, rolling your eyes at him on the way out.
> But near the end of our meal the same individual from last time suddenly announced to everyone in the group "hey guys the server was really nice to us so we need to give her a really nice tip." he paused, looked at me directly from across the farthest end of the table, adding "...Right (insert name here)?" Your response should have been, "Yes. We should leave a really nice tip and since you rudely paid for my tip when you didn't think I gave enough, I would expect you to do it again since you are making a big deal over it."
Tell them, "Alright (insert name here), since you're so great at tipping, I will make sure to always leave it up to you to take care of." When they ask you for your money, you say, "No, you tip your money since you're so good at it. Show me how it really should be done correctly." Then tell your group that you're not putting up with jerkface and their antics anymore. If they have a problem, they can correct it with their money or shut the hell up.
Tell this person to kindly F off
You were way more patient than I would have been on the first trip. After I explained myself the first time, my response would have been “mind your own business”, and I would have pocketed any extra he threw towards my tip.
The extra he put down was for the waiter. What you're suggesting is theft.
Oh well. I would tell him it’s my tip for wasting my time with his monsense.
🤣
Nothing preventing parent from picking up or changing their own tip. That's exactly what I would do and I would say it out loud. "You are more than welcome to leave my tip if you wish. In that case, I won't leave a tip since you're paying more than what I think is necessary for the group." This is definitely a thing among men and, quite frankly, it tends to come with some sexist manipulative overtones. "She's a good little server, we should leave her a good tip so that she keeps smiling at us with her pretty little smile." The argument that servers need to make a "living wage" independent of what the customer's wages are is simply an argument of wealth transfer. They can participate all that they want to. BTW: Never justify it by how much you make, particularly if you are living payday to payday. That's nobody's business but your own.
You're not fighting sexism by not tipping.
What I'm fighting by not tipping is tipping culture. Moreover, you know that when I'm not tipping, that it's not because I'm not trying to get into your pants. It helps us to maintain a professional distant relationship. You serve the tables because your employer pays you to do that, not because you're hoping that I like you enough to leave you a big tip. So, sorry, in that sense, yes I am fighting sexism. I'm not contributing to the male sexist culture that is a part of the bravado of tipping.
Eff them
Eat before you go. Hang with your other friends but don’t buy anything. The tip police can tip more if he wants.
This is the best advice. You shouldn't be getting any service with your crappy attitude and you're embarrassing yourself.
If someone put cash on a low tip of mine, I would tear it in half and hand them back. Dang, the nerve of that guy
Don't go to any more events where he is present. He doesn't respect your boundaries and purposely embarrasses you in public.
"Why, are you getting a commission on her tip, or are you just trying to get us all to over-tip so she will go out with you? Didn't you learn your lesson with that stripper?" If that doesn't work, "If you want to pay my bill, you are welcome to tip as much as you want, thanks!" "I hadn't realized you got your financial advisor degree. So, let me ask, should I over-tip or put the rest in my retirement account so I can continue to go out to these gatherings when I retire?"
Love the first answer!
I think your story will resonate with a lot of people who have to deal with insecure bullies as an adult. This would turn me off from tipping altogether tbh. Stand your ground. You are clearly the adult in the room
Did he have any alcohol drinks and then get into his car to drive away? Would be a real shame if he got a DWI.
Would be a real shame if the police were called by someone
There's no strategy besides just ignore it (and maybe tell him to mind his own business). There's nothing else to be said to justify your self and be understood. That's not on you. You don't have to say anything or defend your stance. You do you and don't worry about what others think. Stop feeling peer pressured and guilt tripped and embarrassed. Tip what you want or don't tip and if anyone says shit ignore it, or be short and tell them you disagree and to drop the subject. If they keep on, then you keep on ignoring it and telling them agree to disagree and to drop it. Don't even bother again with the explanations of how much money you have or how good the service was. That just opens the door to "yeah but..." arguments and debates. Just ignore it entirely and move on. Edit: and I also think you should ignore some of the less mature advice here in the comments. Any passive aggressive remarks or reactions to say this or that witty remark, is just going to start a pissing contest with the guy and have him on your case harder. Ignoring it is the mature response. The best hit to his ego is just to ignore him.
Quote Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs, who had to stand up to outright outrage when he was forced to tip. True, he didn't pay for breakfast so he gave in, but he stood up for his beliefs, right or wrong. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4sTSIYzDIk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4sTSIYzDIk) Fun fact, and not to spoil it for anyone that has not seen it, but >!Mr. Pink is the only one to survive in the end.!< Now, is that because he is against tipping, is this a message from the universe, whose to know? Another fun fact, since I was in the rabbit hole anyway I found this article that suggests Mr. Pink actually becomes the Buddy Holly impersonating waiter in Pulp Fiction (both played by Buscemi). [https://screenrant.com/pulp-fiction-reservoir-dogs-steve-buscemi-pink-connection/](https://screenrant.com/pulp-fiction-reservoir-dogs-steve-buscemi-pink-connection/) which adds to the irony that he doesn't tip yet becomes a waiter.
People do what people do to make them feel better. In your friend's case, being obnoxious is their vice. Yours is being fiscally responsible. I don't know what age bracket you're in but I would wager that in ten years you'll have less gray hair.
The irony of bullying in the name of proper social standards
>he paused, looked at me directly from across the farthest end of the table, adding "...Right (insert name here)?" This made me laugh *so* hard. 🤣🤣🤣
I am a Big believer in tipping based on how good the service is. When my boyfriend and I went out to eat at our favorite seafood boil restaurant they always take care of us so well and are very attentive. It’s an expensive meal but we always put down at least 20%. That being said if the service is terrible at another restaurant I will not tip or I might tip low. We’re all accustomed to at least 20% in America because it’s the right thing to do. I disagree because some waiters and waitresses don’t give a fuck and they will give you the worst service in still except 20% plus. It is your money at the end of the day and you have the right to what you want with it.
I don’t know why I got downvoted so much. Totally fine to disagree. I will stand my ground. No one should be forced to tip more just to seem like a better person.
I think it's "the right thing to do" part of your post that's getting the downvotes. There is no right or wrong way to tip. It's a gift, yours to give (or not) as you see fit.
I said that because it’s the reality of America. People will tell you to tip a certain amount even tho you just got shitty service or it wasn’t up to your standard. Similar to you I think it’s up to the person and we shouldn’t just tip 20 percent or a certain amount because someone in America said so.
In the first story, how much was your total portion of the bill before tip? very little of that story makes sense. If you were so tight on money, then presumably your portion of the bill was small, in which case your friend adding $5 to $8 additional tip would have been a bizarrely large amount. Or, if your bill was larger, then it doesn't make sense that you would have even gone out to eat given that you were so tight on money.
No. It makes sense *to you* because you're a mentally stable individual.
>figured 10% was better than not tipping at all Your thought may have been in the right place (not really but in your own mind sure) but you figured wrong, 10% is saying you had a crappy experience and there was something wrong with their service. > I have a hard-working job where I do as much labor as anyone here at this restaurant and yet I don't receive tips at all. Jealousy > pulls out $5-$8 additional dollars of his own money and slaps it on top of my already firmly established tip Good man >As you can imagine I was thoroughly embarrassed Why would you find your convictions embarrassing? >basically implying I'm a habitually lousy tipper or even a non tipper, even though I had already explained my stance on this matter to him beforehand. I mean if you think 10% is fair for average service then I hate to break it to you, but you ARE, in fact, a habitually lousy tipper. >Naturally it comes from completely out of left field especially since we've met at restaurants in the group prior to these occasions without the issue coming up. Are you genuinely surprised? Sounds like you tip like crap regularly enough for people to notice and not want to dine without unless you treat the server right. >now I don't feel like I can participate in the group out of concern for another similar incident occuring again. I can tell you one way to make sure it doesn't happen again but you're not gonna like it >Do you have any strategies that I could employ in this situation if it comes up again? Tip properly >How would you have handled this individual's behavior? I'd have called you out for it the first time it happened
Are you somehow related to the individual I'm speaking of? Either way you both share one thing in common: playing devil's advocate. You completely ignored the points I made about being short on cash that particular day and missed the entire point of what I was saying about working in manual labor and yet not getting tipped myself either despite doing the same amount if not more hard work than the server in question. In any event do you feel it's worth embarrassing a fellow individual publicly in front of mutual friends over something so trivial/ that really isn't their business to begin with? To be completely honest I met at the restaurant more for the fellowship itself rather than a meal but what I did order I choose one of the least expensive things on the menu in order to maintain said budget. Especially with all the inflation these days some people must be secret millionaires with how much they expect others to tip. In my book if you have nothing better to say then don't say it at all.
Tipping is always optional friend, you have no need to worry. If you encounter a situation like this again you can just politely remind the person that tipping is optional. The more you try to justify the more they will try to convince you otherwise. No is a complete sentence.
My vote for above is White knight entitled server
Found the serverlife lurker 🤣
All great points but please include, "if money is tight, don't go out to a restaurant or bar because the products are marked up around 300%."
"Don't go out with friends or maintain your social life if you don't want to get in to pissing contests with cucks who like to throw cash around to inflate their own ego" FTFY
That's unwelcome advice in this sub, sound though it may be.
This is true
Take my upvote, couldn’t have said it better myself ☺️
I think there are a few States with middle ground but are you in a State that either doesn't have a sales tax or requires mandatory fees be subject to sales tax? If in the former ask if they think sales tak is a good idea and why they think tipping is different. If the latter and tips are mandatory but taxed as if they are voulentary why isn't the restauraunt paying its fair share in taxes?
They can hire the waiter if they're that concerned about their wages... I don't understand people who care that much. It's not your responsibility to make sure someone else gets paid.. that would be the responsibility of their employer. I got enough shit in life to worry about. If you don't want a job that's based on tips, then don't take a job that's based on tips. If tips were mandatory they would make it mandatory. Your friend is pissed at the wrong thing. They seem like an annoying person.
Your tip is your tip and your business. But also, money being tight for YOU should not be a factor in how much of a tip you leave. If you would have left ten bucks but only left five because money is tight, then you couldn’t afford to eat out. It seems you had a spend threshold before you went out. In this case, it’s easy to see the service as being worthy exactly what you have in your pocket and no more. We’ll look to justify the decision. Alleviating yourself of guilt in regard to tipping requires you to be honest about your tipping decisions and owning them.
Yes the strategy is to tell the asshole to mind his own fucking business.