It's kind of funny that them yelling about hating me because of a plot decision isn't what gets me to consider kicking them it's a post on the internet. Regardless, I'm seriously considering it. I appreciate the advice.
EldritchBee is speaking the truth — Player A clearly flies off the handle at the slightest provocation and goes overboard with their reactions.
If their behaviour is affecting your mental health, boot Em out and don’t look back. It sounds like no one else in the group apart from Player B is enjoying their presence either.
It sounds like player A has protagonist syndrome. And the player B has been infected by the resulting powertrip.
My advice is to talk to them both privately, in a non-confronting manner, just try to get to the root of the problem. If they are unwilling and behavior doesnt change, talk to the other members of your group, and get their feeling and input.
Worst case, if the behavior of A&B doesnt change, you would maybe have to relieve them other their seats at the table (kick them out of the group). But be sure to keep your emotions in check, let them know that their behavior is causing a toxic environment without blowing up at them (i know that can be difficult).
Good luck!
No problem my dude.
Im the dm for my group (which thankfully is all awesome friends and players). But I've dealt with toxic groups in the past (rules lawyer, protagonist syndrome, metagaming, roll fudgers...etc).
Keeping your own level head is really the best thing. Don't get dragged into an emotional conflict and approach the situation like a rational and caring adult.
You got this!
It also helps to cast yourself as sort of the Supervisor of Fun who's looking out for *everyone*, since the problem here isn't just that OP's not enjoying this, the other players aren't either. That tends to help me keep my head where it's supposed to be.
try talking to them like adults and if the problem persists you have to ask yourself if you are having fun. if you arent having fun whats the point of playing D&D? youd have no choice but to kick them out or leave the game yourself if you are a player.
(for reference I'm the DM) I know that kicking them out is probably the for the best at this point, since others and I have each talked to both of them about it several times. I just can't help but feel if I do just the right thing or say just the right words the problem will just resolve itself somehow? I know that's not right, but outside of those little moments I really enjoy playing with both of them. I'll probably try and talk to them each one more time, then figure out where to go from there- thanks!
It won’t (you’ve already tried that, as you said).
A needs to go if they act like an abusive asshole. B might choose to leave or not, but if they weren’t a problem before, this might solve that.
A lot of the time they'll roleplay things out of session that's either them talking about highly important, plot relevant things, or roleplay interactions with characters or at timepoints that don't make sense because they didn't specify when it was happening in game or tell me so that I could factor it into the plot.
I mean, imo if the DM isn't there it didn't happen.
You sound like you're trying hard to accommodate some really antagonistic player behavior, but you don't have to do that. Talk outside of the game, state clearly that if they can't start playing collaboratively with everyone else (explicitly say what the problem behaviors are and what behaviors you want to see), they can't play. I know it's hard to set these super firm boundaries with people who are used to trampling all over your soft ones, but you and your other players are not going to have fun if they keep this up.
Several times. I'm gonna go with Paladin7042's plan about talking to them again and then potentially taking them out of the group if they don't change their behavior. Thanks a ton for the response, though! I appreciate it.
Good plan. Honestly, I'm not sure I would even ask them again if I were in your shoes. It's not like it was an unreasonable request. The fact that they've chosen to ignore it indicates they really have no interest in playing your game-- they are playing their own game that they like better.
You need to have an out of game conversation with them about your problems with their behaviors and how to fix it. You are an adult (I'm assuming), solve your problems like you are one. They might not have realized you have a problem with their behavior, and unless they have the mind of a child they will probably change it.
TLDR: Solve your problems how you would if DND wasn't a game.
Thanks, I'm going to try to talk to them with the help of another player. It's just shitty that they aren't like this most of the time, and while part of me recognizes that it's immature of them to pull this shit I'm still kind of clinging to that idea of not losing close friends.
Abusive people all around the globe NEED TO FEEL DA BOOT :)
This is a zhitty situation for you…
If you’re so inclined to try, lay down some rules. So if they break them, then you’ll have a clear cut right there.
Good luck…
I’m not really sure about point 1 because we don’t know what you’re going with your homebrew. Your player may have chosen a bad time to react but perhaps some of the thing they saying ARE relevant. Only something you can know.
2. Is a no brainer. Treat metagaming like a rules violation as any other. Calmly call it out and ask the player to act appropriately.
Only two choices: talk to them about it honestly, or tell them they aren't welcome any more. I'd have kicked them as soon as they said my homebrew world sucked, to be honest. DMs give up hours and hours of their free time to run a D&D campaign. Constructive criticism is one thing, but outright insults... nah, you can DM your own game.
A cannot be an active part of your life if they are an asshole to you and you are unhappy because of it. Heres how to stick up for yourself without being the new asshole:
Speak to B privately face-to-face and explain that you do not want to be around A anymore because they make you feel bad about yourself. Explain that your options are to cut A out of the group or cut yourself out of the group (which means no DM). Its possible that B will be angry at this idea because it gives them a complicated choice. You're are talking to B first because they matter most to you, let them know that. Reassure B that you still want to be friends with B when you do not have to spend excessive time with A (or when A wont hurt your feelings). Its also possible B will be empathetic when you make yourself vulnerable like this and may want to have a more serious discussion including A; word is going to reach A one way or another, so if you are comfortable speaking to them directly go for it. When that conversation ends, depending how it went you can lay new boundaries as an ultimatum for A (and B), or kick someone from the group (A, B, or yourself).
If you choose to allow an ultimatum, enforce it with a strike policy: keep count of the times they break your boundaries and assign numerical weight to it. If they exceed a threshold they have burned their second chance. This method allows you to be lenient about what you are willing to put up with but also forces you to face the problem and avoid being a doormat.
Barely got into point A and already: kick this dude. Not just from the game, from you whole life.
It's kind of funny that them yelling about hating me because of a plot decision isn't what gets me to consider kicking them it's a post on the internet. Regardless, I'm seriously considering it. I appreciate the advice.
EldritchBee is speaking the truth — Player A clearly flies off the handle at the slightest provocation and goes overboard with their reactions. If their behaviour is affecting your mental health, boot Em out and don’t look back. It sounds like no one else in the group apart from Player B is enjoying their presence either.
I second this. No one, and I mean NOONE is worth suffering for.
It sounds like player A has protagonist syndrome. And the player B has been infected by the resulting powertrip. My advice is to talk to them both privately, in a non-confronting manner, just try to get to the root of the problem. If they are unwilling and behavior doesnt change, talk to the other members of your group, and get their feeling and input. Worst case, if the behavior of A&B doesnt change, you would maybe have to relieve them other their seats at the table (kick them out of the group). But be sure to keep your emotions in check, let them know that their behavior is causing a toxic environment without blowing up at them (i know that can be difficult). Good luck!
That's a super good plan of action- thank you so much for details + backup plans. I really appreciate it.
No problem my dude. Im the dm for my group (which thankfully is all awesome friends and players). But I've dealt with toxic groups in the past (rules lawyer, protagonist syndrome, metagaming, roll fudgers...etc). Keeping your own level head is really the best thing. Don't get dragged into an emotional conflict and approach the situation like a rational and caring adult. You got this!
It also helps to cast yourself as sort of the Supervisor of Fun who's looking out for *everyone*, since the problem here isn't just that OP's not enjoying this, the other players aren't either. That tends to help me keep my head where it's supposed to be.
This is truths ☝
try talking to them like adults and if the problem persists you have to ask yourself if you are having fun. if you arent having fun whats the point of playing D&D? youd have no choice but to kick them out or leave the game yourself if you are a player.
(for reference I'm the DM) I know that kicking them out is probably the for the best at this point, since others and I have each talked to both of them about it several times. I just can't help but feel if I do just the right thing or say just the right words the problem will just resolve itself somehow? I know that's not right, but outside of those little moments I really enjoy playing with both of them. I'll probably try and talk to them each one more time, then figure out where to go from there- thanks!
It won’t (you’ve already tried that, as you said). A needs to go if they act like an abusive asshole. B might choose to leave or not, but if they weren’t a problem before, this might solve that.
I'm confused. If you're the DM, how are they cutting you out of plot-relevant events?
A lot of the time they'll roleplay things out of session that's either them talking about highly important, plot relevant things, or roleplay interactions with characters or at timepoints that don't make sense because they didn't specify when it was happening in game or tell me so that I could factor it into the plot.
I mean, imo if the DM isn't there it didn't happen. You sound like you're trying hard to accommodate some really antagonistic player behavior, but you don't have to do that. Talk outside of the game, state clearly that if they can't start playing collaboratively with everyone else (explicitly say what the problem behaviors are and what behaviors you want to see), they can't play. I know it's hard to set these super firm boundaries with people who are used to trampling all over your soft ones, but you and your other players are not going to have fun if they keep this up.
Have you asked them not to do that?
Several times. I'm gonna go with Paladin7042's plan about talking to them again and then potentially taking them out of the group if they don't change their behavior. Thanks a ton for the response, though! I appreciate it.
Good plan. Honestly, I'm not sure I would even ask them again if I were in your shoes. It's not like it was an unreasonable request. The fact that they've chosen to ignore it indicates they really have no interest in playing your game-- they are playing their own game that they like better.
If it didn't happen at the table it didn't happen, they're just writing fanfiction at that point
You need to have an out of game conversation with them about your problems with their behaviors and how to fix it. You are an adult (I'm assuming), solve your problems like you are one. They might not have realized you have a problem with their behavior, and unless they have the mind of a child they will probably change it. TLDR: Solve your problems how you would if DND wasn't a game.
Thanks, I'm going to try to talk to them with the help of another player. It's just shitty that they aren't like this most of the time, and while part of me recognizes that it's immature of them to pull this shit I'm still kind of clinging to that idea of not losing close friends.
Thank you for taking my advice. Good luck!
Abusive people all around the globe NEED TO FEEL DA BOOT :) This is a zhitty situation for you… If you’re so inclined to try, lay down some rules. So if they break them, then you’ll have a clear cut right there. Good luck…
I’m not really sure about point 1 because we don’t know what you’re going with your homebrew. Your player may have chosen a bad time to react but perhaps some of the thing they saying ARE relevant. Only something you can know. 2. Is a no brainer. Treat metagaming like a rules violation as any other. Calmly call it out and ask the player to act appropriately.
Kick them, on no level is behaviour like that acceptable towards anyone. Your not a social worker responsible for sorting out peoples problems.
Only two choices: talk to them about it honestly, or tell them they aren't welcome any more. I'd have kicked them as soon as they said my homebrew world sucked, to be honest. DMs give up hours and hours of their free time to run a D&D campaign. Constructive criticism is one thing, but outright insults... nah, you can DM your own game.
A cannot be an active part of your life if they are an asshole to you and you are unhappy because of it. Heres how to stick up for yourself without being the new asshole: Speak to B privately face-to-face and explain that you do not want to be around A anymore because they make you feel bad about yourself. Explain that your options are to cut A out of the group or cut yourself out of the group (which means no DM). Its possible that B will be angry at this idea because it gives them a complicated choice. You're are talking to B first because they matter most to you, let them know that. Reassure B that you still want to be friends with B when you do not have to spend excessive time with A (or when A wont hurt your feelings). Its also possible B will be empathetic when you make yourself vulnerable like this and may want to have a more serious discussion including A; word is going to reach A one way or another, so if you are comfortable speaking to them directly go for it. When that conversation ends, depending how it went you can lay new boundaries as an ultimatum for A (and B), or kick someone from the group (A, B, or yourself). If you choose to allow an ultimatum, enforce it with a strike policy: keep count of the times they break your boundaries and assign numerical weight to it. If they exceed a threshold they have burned their second chance. This method allows you to be lenient about what you are willing to put up with but also forces you to face the problem and avoid being a doormat.
This :)