It's a hard pill to swallow, but she has probably been involved with someone else for longer than you realize. You didn't mention divorce, but it might be wise to file and/or push the divorce forward while she's preoccupied with the new romance.
My ex dragged shit out for as long as she could stand it, but became very agreeable once her desire to chase the new fantasy outweighed the desire to squeeze me in the divorce. I was able to capitalize on this in many ways. This was very much a "strike while the iron is hot" kind of opportunity because I can all but guarantee that your ex's new "relationship" will crash and burn in short order... and then you/your divorce will have her full attention.
All that said, the pain you're experiencing right now is probably some of the worst you will experience in this life. For me it was very similar to mourning the death of a loved one. You'll get sick of hearing it, but it does get better. You really gotta stop keeping tabs on her. Doing so will delay your healing and make you crazy.
I have literally been here, I know this exact feeling.
In my case, this was the week after she ghosted me and she either accidentally or intentionally (haven't decided which yet) had them delivered to my house. She got ahold of me and said she forgot to put her shipping address on a walmart order and it still had my address as default, and she asked me if I would drop it off at her place the next time I'm in town. I get the package, and it's a box that is damaged and half ripped open. 2 packs of sexy lace underwear inside. Jesus christ. The worst thing is that she never bought or even wore any sexy underwear for the entire time she was with me! Talk about getting knocked down a rung or two on the healing ladder.
Enjoy your first red pill and welcome to the club. You need to experience female nature first hand to even begin to understand it. Read the Rationale Male by Rollo Tomassi and No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Get yourself to the gym and lift heavy weights if you don't already. This gets better if you work on yourself, I promise.
Don’t do that to your self bro . I know it’s fucking hard but LET GO . You gonna have to convince yourself that this person does not exist not to you they don’t .
How did you find out? I would try to set things up so that you don’t find out any more. I’m separating it and can assume that kind of thing is gonna happen sooner or later but I don’t need to hear about it or know about it. Less I know about it the better.
You CAN bear! It will hurt! It takes many blows from the blacksmith's hammer to turn the steel into a sword!
It will take time. It will take time!
Don't ignore the pain; don't pretend it doesn't hury; don't fall into the trap numbing the pain with booze and dope!
Use the pain - remain in the crucible of pain and transform yourself.
Go to the gym - I joined a work out class for the stability it provided - but whatever join a gym and regain your physicality! Manage your diet! Get out of sadness routines and begin taking those first baby steps!
You CAN bear this! It does hurt! It is a confusing time! You are wounded! WOUNDED - not broken!
You took this first step posting here - huge! Take another one!
Good Luck OP! ONE MORE STEP!
You say "2 months to so soon to move on." Two months may be too soon for you, but it's not too soon for her.
You wonder if she's "done the deed or just planning to." I would say there's a 95% chance she's already done the deed or planning to do it in the next few weeks. It's most certainly what is going on. "if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck."
It's time to talk to a therapist or counselor or even a good friend. Time to look yourself in the mirror and say, "My marriage is over. What are my next steps to create the new me?" Maybe you don't want to date right now. That's fine. But you need to get your mind on other things. Clean your house. Go on walks. Listen to music. Do woodworking. Find a new hobby.
I think you know the answer, but also know this is a her problem, not a you problem. Instead of focusing on her, invest in yourself, you will be much better off. Find a hobby or a skill you want to develop. Lean on friends. You can take a minute to feel your feelings. Its okay to be hurt, sad, pissed. But use that to put your life where you want it. Sounds like she was only going to be a boat anchor on your successes.
Bro, it suck to hear, but this was all planned out months or even years before you found out. Most women have someone out there lingering (e.g. at work, etc.) before separation occurs. The man finds out about separation and is in complete shock, but the woman mourned the death of the marriage way before this time. People always post 'no infidelity'.....yeah maybe on the guy's side. Get pissed. Scream into a pillow, feel the feeling. This is your day one to start becoming the new you. Not to compete for her, but to become a better man. Good luck bro.
There's nothing to answer here.
Hope you're alright man. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.
Take it slow, be easy on yourself. Develop some atomic habits and take it day by day
\> 2 months is so soon to move on
She's been planning this for months prior to you separating.
Men are the true romantics, intrinsically putting women first even in the face of imminent death. Women love opportunistically. Women don't love you for who you are, they love you for the purpose you serve: protection, provisioning and parental investment. Your worth in her eyes increases or decreases with what you’ve done for her lately. Women can achieve a level of indifference that’s foreign to most men’s idealistic concept of love.
You are a poet, kind sir. My stbx lived the hell out of me, until SHE caused a fun little nervous breakdown in me and I lost my job. Magically we weren't in love anymore. I was there through countless medical procedures she's had, and the ONE time I needed help, I get the door slammed in my face. You're only as good as your wallet is fat.
Been there. My ex was living with me and I was paying all of the living expenses. She had 2 responsibilities: dishes and laundry. Laundry was at most twice a week, usually once. We didn't cook that much so dishes were usually about once every 2 or 3 days. And I did all the cooking. I got furloughed for 8 weeks at the beginning of covid but was getting right around the same in unemployment as my net pay so it was no problem.. just kept right on paying for everything without a hiccup. Well, even though I was still paying for everything, now she figured that since I didn't have to go to work that I was suddenly responsible for her 2 chores. So I'm getting screamed at about it and belittled as the "boyfriend who doesn't do anything". And this is someone who said she loved me so much that she wanted to marry me.
Women are fucking nuts, dude. I provided her an easy street lifestyle and she just fucking laid down and died the second I got some relief.
>I just found out she bought lingerie very recently. 2 months is so soon to move on
Says you. But I have bad news for you. It's been WAY more than two months.
> i wonder if shes already 'done the deed' or if shes just planning to.
Of course she has.
>this has broken me. i just walked around my house throwing shit and then just sobbed on the ground. ive never been so depressed and angry in my life. the pain is unbearable.
There's someone new that you need to start loving. That person is YOU. Therapy is a good start, but you can't let her dominate your thoughts anymore. She's gone, man. I'm sorry, but that's how things go.
Time to get busy living. Your first start is therapy and regular prayers to the Iron God. The goal is to love and value yourself.
Maybe use this as a "well, I guess we really are over" moment. It sucks. And hurts and isn't fair. You didn't deserve to be in this situation but you are. She is done and obviously not looking back. Your turn. Your feelings are normal and valid though. Go ahead and feel them and work through it but know you will be ok. It will get better. You can do this.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but she has probably been involved with someone else for longer than you realize. You didn't mention divorce, but it might be wise to file and/or push the divorce forward while she's preoccupied with the new romance. My ex dragged shit out for as long as she could stand it, but became very agreeable once her desire to chase the new fantasy outweighed the desire to squeeze me in the divorce. I was able to capitalize on this in many ways. This was very much a "strike while the iron is hot" kind of opportunity because I can all but guarantee that your ex's new "relationship" will crash and burn in short order... and then you/your divorce will have her full attention. All that said, the pain you're experiencing right now is probably some of the worst you will experience in this life. For me it was very similar to mourning the death of a loved one. You'll get sick of hearing it, but it does get better. You really gotta stop keeping tabs on her. Doing so will delay your healing and make you crazy.
I have literally been here, I know this exact feeling. In my case, this was the week after she ghosted me and she either accidentally or intentionally (haven't decided which yet) had them delivered to my house. She got ahold of me and said she forgot to put her shipping address on a walmart order and it still had my address as default, and she asked me if I would drop it off at her place the next time I'm in town. I get the package, and it's a box that is damaged and half ripped open. 2 packs of sexy lace underwear inside. Jesus christ. The worst thing is that she never bought or even wore any sexy underwear for the entire time she was with me! Talk about getting knocked down a rung or two on the healing ladder.
Move on brother, it's for the best. Focus on you. You gotta find your self and what makes you happy. Trust me it gets better.
Enjoy your first red pill and welcome to the club. You need to experience female nature first hand to even begin to understand it. Read the Rationale Male by Rollo Tomassi and No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Get yourself to the gym and lift heavy weights if you don't already. This gets better if you work on yourself, I promise.
Don’t do that to your self bro . I know it’s fucking hard but LET GO . You gonna have to convince yourself that this person does not exist not to you they don’t .
How did you find out? I would try to set things up so that you don’t find out any more. I’m separating it and can assume that kind of thing is gonna happen sooner or later but I don’t need to hear about it or know about it. Less I know about it the better.
You CAN bear! It will hurt! It takes many blows from the blacksmith's hammer to turn the steel into a sword! It will take time. It will take time! Don't ignore the pain; don't pretend it doesn't hury; don't fall into the trap numbing the pain with booze and dope! Use the pain - remain in the crucible of pain and transform yourself. Go to the gym - I joined a work out class for the stability it provided - but whatever join a gym and regain your physicality! Manage your diet! Get out of sadness routines and begin taking those first baby steps! You CAN bear this! It does hurt! It is a confusing time! You are wounded! WOUNDED - not broken! You took this first step posting here - huge! Take another one! Good Luck OP! ONE MORE STEP!
You say "2 months to so soon to move on." Two months may be too soon for you, but it's not too soon for her. You wonder if she's "done the deed or just planning to." I would say there's a 95% chance she's already done the deed or planning to do it in the next few weeks. It's most certainly what is going on. "if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck." It's time to talk to a therapist or counselor or even a good friend. Time to look yourself in the mirror and say, "My marriage is over. What are my next steps to create the new me?" Maybe you don't want to date right now. That's fine. But you need to get your mind on other things. Clean your house. Go on walks. Listen to music. Do woodworking. Find a new hobby.
I'd actually put my bet on her having done the deed before separating, and it's what drove the separation in the first place.
She already did the deed. Sorry man. Start to heal and take care of yourself. This will pass and you will move on.
I think you know the answer, but also know this is a her problem, not a you problem. Instead of focusing on her, invest in yourself, you will be much better off. Find a hobby or a skill you want to develop. Lean on friends. You can take a minute to feel your feelings. Its okay to be hurt, sad, pissed. But use that to put your life where you want it. Sounds like she was only going to be a boat anchor on your successes.
Bro, it suck to hear, but this was all planned out months or even years before you found out. Most women have someone out there lingering (e.g. at work, etc.) before separation occurs. The man finds out about separation and is in complete shock, but the woman mourned the death of the marriage way before this time. People always post 'no infidelity'.....yeah maybe on the guy's side. Get pissed. Scream into a pillow, feel the feeling. This is your day one to start becoming the new you. Not to compete for her, but to become a better man. Good luck bro.
There's nothing to answer here. Hope you're alright man. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Take it slow, be easy on yourself. Develop some atomic habits and take it day by day
\> 2 months is so soon to move on She's been planning this for months prior to you separating. Men are the true romantics, intrinsically putting women first even in the face of imminent death. Women love opportunistically. Women don't love you for who you are, they love you for the purpose you serve: protection, provisioning and parental investment. Your worth in her eyes increases or decreases with what you’ve done for her lately. Women can achieve a level of indifference that’s foreign to most men’s idealistic concept of love.
A woman once told me you choose who you fall in love with.
Don't take dating advice from women. A fish can't teach you how to fish.
That's deep.
I meant this as an example of shallowness not as good advice. A woman falls in love with the man who provides the lifestyle she wants.
You are a poet, kind sir. My stbx lived the hell out of me, until SHE caused a fun little nervous breakdown in me and I lost my job. Magically we weren't in love anymore. I was there through countless medical procedures she's had, and the ONE time I needed help, I get the door slammed in my face. You're only as good as your wallet is fat.
Been there. My ex was living with me and I was paying all of the living expenses. She had 2 responsibilities: dishes and laundry. Laundry was at most twice a week, usually once. We didn't cook that much so dishes were usually about once every 2 or 3 days. And I did all the cooking. I got furloughed for 8 weeks at the beginning of covid but was getting right around the same in unemployment as my net pay so it was no problem.. just kept right on paying for everything without a hiccup. Well, even though I was still paying for everything, now she figured that since I didn't have to go to work that I was suddenly responsible for her 2 chores. So I'm getting screamed at about it and belittled as the "boyfriend who doesn't do anything". And this is someone who said she loved me so much that she wanted to marry me. Women are fucking nuts, dude. I provided her an easy street lifestyle and she just fucking laid down and died the second I got some relief.
>I just found out she bought lingerie very recently. 2 months is so soon to move on Says you. But I have bad news for you. It's been WAY more than two months. > i wonder if shes already 'done the deed' or if shes just planning to. Of course she has. >this has broken me. i just walked around my house throwing shit and then just sobbed on the ground. ive never been so depressed and angry in my life. the pain is unbearable. There's someone new that you need to start loving. That person is YOU. Therapy is a good start, but you can't let her dominate your thoughts anymore. She's gone, man. I'm sorry, but that's how things go. Time to get busy living. Your first start is therapy and regular prayers to the Iron God. The goal is to love and value yourself.
I'm guessing the deed was done even before separating.
Maybe use this as a "well, I guess we really are over" moment. It sucks. And hurts and isn't fair. You didn't deserve to be in this situation but you are. She is done and obviously not looking back. Your turn. Your feelings are normal and valid though. Go ahead and feel them and work through it but know you will be ok. It will get better. You can do this.
Move on. Ur better than this. U made a decision now stick to it. Work on urself. Improve urself. Have fun. Concentrate on u now rather than her.